Chapter 8: Can't See My Poker Ed

Ed made his way over to Edd's house with no time to spare. He made it right in time to greet Edd as he was just getting home.

"Is this enough for the car, Double D?" He asked, handing Edd a wad of cash.

"Ed… this is far more than enough." Edd stared at the money. He took out 2 bills of it, handing it all back to Ed. "Save your money. You may be able to go to that convention yet." Edd said in a hopeful tone.

"Thank you for your donation, Double D." Ed grinned. He was about to leave but was stopped.

"Ed, the Kankers are having a poker game tonight? Would you like to go…?" Ed stared back at Edd intently.

"May invited me earlier to go out. So, I decline my humble tortilla chip." Edd exhaled. "Sorry Double D." Ed left to go back home.

"See you later, Ed." Edd shook his head, walking into his house. He stopped, remembering he didn't have his keys. He let out a sigh, deciding to make his way to the library.

~o~

Ed showered today, as requested by May. He put on his cleanest t-shirt, and favorite jacket. He buttoned up his jeans and left his house at 5 pm. "May will be so proud of me." Ed smiled as he even was able to sneak out a loaf of bread, and a toaster. He made his way out of the Cul-De-Sac towards the alley that led to a river. Standing at a tree near the river was Edd, he had his hands in his pocket, looking up at the sky as the clouds flew by.

"Hello Double D! Funny meeting you here." Ed waved. Edd looked at him expectedly. "So, where are you headed to, little mister?" Ed questioned, elbowing his friend.

"I have a feeling the same place you are." Edd replied. They began to follow the river through a small forested area. Edd pulled out a book, beginning to read it.

"Sounds sneaky." Ed cradled the loaf of bread, eyeing Edd, watching as he was reading a book. "Double D, are you an alien?" Ed asked.

"Ed, we've been over this, no I am not building a weapon for the aliens, and no, I am not an alien." Edd never even looked up from his book. "And, just because I said that I am not an alien or controlled by one does not mean I am one and I'm lying." Edd sighed, knowing exactly what was coming next. "And just because I knew what you are going to ask does not make me more of an alien, Ed."

"How do you know my name?" Ed whispered.

"Because I am your friend… like I have been for years." Edd looked up to Ed.

"Eddy told me that the alien's weakness is seeing naked girls." Ed mentioned.

"It is not a weakness! It is normal for some people to be uncomfortable with nudity! One time I freak out. Just one time." Edd snapped.

"Just remember Double D… we are friends…" Ed placed his hand onto Edd's shoulder, looking at him very seriously.

"Thank you for that, Ed… I don't know what possibly came over me." Edd looked at his friend dully.

"No need for thanks." Ed slapped Edd's back, almost causing Edd to fly into the river.

They reached a clearing that had area of a fence missing. Ed walked through the hole looking at Edd, who was almost finished with his book already. "Did you know that May and I started the buttered toast club in honor of buttered toast?" Ed asked as he circled Edd.

"Mhm." Was all Edd replied.

"And May is my best friend. I really like her now that the cooties are gone." Ed explained.

"I forgot about cooties being a thing." Edd commented. "Ah, the good old days."

~o~

"Look who I found leaving work today!" Lee shoved Eddy into the trailer as her major reveal to May and Marie. "Can you believe this boy refused to think that he's my piece of ass?!" Eddy, put a cigarette to his mouth crossing his arms.

"I'm not." Eddy snapped.

"Why, you with someone else now?!" Lee pried, pinning Eddy to the wall.

"What if I am?!" Eddy snapped.

Lee ripped the cigarette out of his mouth, breaking it in half. Eddy prepared to push Lee but was stopped by the shock of seeing his friends at the door. Edd and Ed walked in, with Ed holding out the bread and toaster.

"Wow, Double D actually came…" May turned back to Marie. Marie gave a little smile.

"Bitch had no choice." Marie muttered, holding up Edd's keys. May covered her mouth in shock.

"I have the toast if you have the butter!" Ed proudly said.

May smiled. "Thanks, Big Ed." May wrapped one arm around him while holding the bread. "Marie forgot to get some while at the store." May complained, walking into the kitchen.

Edd looked around the trailer seeing it remained the same, with the tv and the old couch in the living room.

"Hello Eddy. When should I be expecting my replacement phone?" Edd questioned as he walked passed Eddy.

"After I win this poker match." Eddy smirked.

After everyone sat in the kitchen, Lee began to deal out the cards.

"Oh no…" Lee sighed after she was done. The Eds looked up at her. "I forgot to get money out for tonight's game." She sighed almost looking upset.

"Me too!" Marie covered her mouth.

"I got mine." May smirked. Both Lee and Marie kicked her leg. "I mean, I'm poor too."

"Then how the hell do you expect to play?!" Eddy snapped, putting down his cards.

Edd caught on quick, knowing full well of the Kankers' dirty tricks. "Eddy… this is a hustle…" He whispered.

"A what?" Eddy snapped, looking back up at his cards.

"A hustle… a scheme… a ploy… they're bamboozling us Eddy. This poker game is an ulterior motive for something. How could we have been so foolish?!" Edd hid his face behind the cards. Ed made a house out of his cards. "Even going into senior year, they're still up to no good."

Eddy still with cigarette in mouth, looked at all three girls with his eyes narrowed.

"What's the catch?" He asked.

"Guess we'll have to play strip poker." Lee shrugged.

Eddy gave a wide grin. "You're on."

Both Ed and Edd looked at him with their jaws dropped.

"Don't we get a say in this?!" Edd began to shake nervously.

"It'll be fine, my big bro taught me how to play. Asshole was great at poker." Eddy smirked.

"As he is with everything…" Edd muttered looking at his cards, "Hope that book I read was right."

"Eddy… I have a rash…" Ed admitted.

"You'll be fine."

As they began to play, Eddy won the first round, beating out Marie.

"Alright, take 'em off." He smirked at her.

Marie only removed her jacket.

"That doesn't count!" Eddy snapped.

"Those in favor of jackets counting?" Marie looked around.

Eddy looked at the votes, seeing Lee, Marie, and May with their hands raised.

"Hah, only three, we'll have to figure out a tie breaker."

"Check again, Short stuff." Lee smirked, pointing to Eddy's left. Eddy turned to see Edd's hand raised too.

"What?! Really?! What's wrong with you?!" Eddy screamed

"It's a safety precaution." Edd admitted.

"I told you we've got this. I already got a jacket!" Eddy waved the jacket around. Eddy rolled his eyes, ashamed in his friend. "You're not even wearing a jacket." Eddy snapped.

"Ed is." Edd pointed. Ed smiled and nodded, showcasing his old green jacket he was sporting.

Less than an hour into the game, the Eds found themselves stuck in a major losing streak. Eddy was down to his heart covered boxers and gold necklace. Ed was left with his undershirt and underwear, while Edd had his hat, shorts and underwear.

"Eddy… what now?!" Edd questioned, shaking nervously, looking back to his cards then to Eddy.

Ed looked nervous also as he tried figuring out how to play the game.

Eddy's cigarette was lit. He looked over to the girls, seeing them all smiling manically at them.

"So, hit or fold?" Marie asked, taking a swig of her beer.

"Uh- I… Uh." Edd stared down his cards. "Hit! No no! I meant fold!" Edd cried, covering his mouth.

"I heard hit." Lee smirked.

"Me too." Marie nodded.

May paid no attention as she continued to stare at Ed, giving him a wink.

Edd received another card. He bit his lip looking at Eddy.

"Fold." Eddy tossed the cards down.

"Fold." Ed mimicked.

Marie stayed. Lee folded, May stayed. Both girls stared at Edd with a smile on their faces.

"Nice to see more of you, Double D." May commented.

"Uh… th-thank you, May." He stuttered.

May smiled looking at her sisters. "He would have been a keeper if he just actually did something in the relationship." She commented.

"Hey, if you stayed in the relationship longer than 2 weeks, I would have!" Edd snapped.

May and Marie smiled evilly at him. "He said stay." Marie announced.

"Not in that context!" Edd cried. Trying to get rid of his cards. "I wanted to fold!"

"Too late, Double D!" May and Marie smiled. May, putting the cards back into his hand.

Edd held his cards back up, in attempt to avoid any conflict.

Marie and May looked to each other as if they were communicating telepathically. Finally, May folded, and Marie stayed. "Read 'em and weep, Oven-Mitt." Marie showed off her cards, a full house.

"Oh-oh dear." Edd covered his mouth. He placed his cards down, suddenly giving a smirk, no longer shaken. "I'm sorry, seems I've got 4 of a kind…" He put his elbow on the table and rested his head onto his hand, looking smug. The three girls looked shocked at Edd's 180. Both Eddy and Ed cheered and howled patting Edd on the back.

"We got something!" Ed celebrated.

Marie stood up taking off her pants looking angry. She threw them at Edd's face.

After less than 30 minutes, the tables had turned, and the Kankers were on the losing end, Lee only wearing a bra and underwear, May in her shirt and underwear, while Marie had her underwear, bra and undershirt.

"This is a hustle, girls." Lee whispered to her sisters as the Eds sat in their seats looking as though they had this game. Eddy and Ed were enjoying a beer, watching as the sisters talked over a game plan while Edd was just having water, shuffling the deck.

"Alright boys, we've got them on the run. Told you my bro taught me right." Ed whispered to his friends.

"Oh yes… it's all your skill, and we did nothing."

"Don't think like that, Double D. You guys are my moral support." Eddy nudged Edd's face with his fist.

"You're really good, Eddy." Ed smiled, giving him a thumbs up.

"Back at you, Big Guy!" Eddy bumped his fist on his chest two times hold out his pointer and middle to Ed. Edd face palmed, letting out an exhale.

"Alright girls, it's time to go old fashioned, and pull out the charms. You know who to go after." The Kankers nodded returning to the game. "We take out Double D first." Lee whispered, seeing May looking at Ed.

The Kankers all glared over to Edd. Edd froze up, looking back at them with his eyes wide.

"Eddy…"

"Stay cool man." Eddy muttered.

"Double D is a goner." Ed admitted.

He was. It had reached the point where Edd had to choose, the hat, or the underwear.

"Just take off the hat." Eddy sighed. Edd looked over to his friend utterly mortified.

"I-is there something else I can do?" Edd squeaked.

Lee looked over to Marie, then May. "What do you think girls." They all looked over to Edd who looked as though he was about to burst into tears.

"Nah." They all smiled. "Take 'em off!" They cheered, watching as he should up, covered in a nervous sweat preparing to remove his underwear.

Before he went below anything, Marie called out, "Stop!" Edd gladly did. "My boyfriend's here." She announced, looking at her phone.

"Boyfriend?" Eddy said completely confused. The boys were thrown all their clothes and told to put them on. Edd put his on the fastest, wrapping his arms around himself. Eddy and Ed threw their clothes on quickly along with the Kankers. Just in time for Marie's boyfriend to walk through the door.

"Hey Sweetie, these are my friends!" She smiled pointing to the Eds. The boyfriend stood taller than Edd, and had a sleeve of tattoos, and gauges in his ears, his head shaved. He stared at them looking peeved. Crossing his thick, muscular arms.

"Oh, he likes you guys." Marie smiled.

"How do you do?" Edd walked over, holding out his hand. The boyfriend stared down at his hand then him, laughing. Edd retracted it curling his lips. "Well, I'm gonna go." Edd walked passed the boyfriend. "I had a lovely time, thank you for the invite." Marie held out Edd's keys to him. Edd took them, leaving in a rush. The other two Eds followed closely behind.

"Hey Sockhead, wait up!" Eddy called, chasing after Edd. "What's your rush?" Ed followed up behind.

"Her boyfriend is an old man." Ed commented.

"I don't know what came over me… once I saw that man come in, I felt… flushed." Edd scratched the back of his head.

"Like you're attracted to him?" Eddy questioned.

Edd gave Eddy a glare. "No."

"It's okay to be attracted, I support you." Eddy smiled.

"Me too." Ed lifted Edd, hugging him. "We accept you for you." Putting him back down.

"I need to figure this out." Edd snapped, walking ahead.

Eddy and Ed watched him walk away. "Stay true to yourself!" Eddy shouted to Edd. Ed and Eddy both giggling to each other, not noticing Edd gave no reaction to their calls.

"Do you think the aliens are communicating with him?" Ed questioned looking worried. Eddy gave a smile.

"You know Lumpy… I think they are… I read somewhere that if you were to that a Wet Willie can possibly knock out the spores." Eddy whispered.

"I swear to god, if you two even dare." Edd glared at them. "I'm thinking, not deaf."

"I will save you Double D." Ed grabbed his hand. "I will make these aliens pay."

"My Hero." Edd sighed, trying to not give a hint of annoyance.