Thanks to everybody who reviewed last chapter: Aerois, Kiko-the-Hybrid, Reina Ann Vilre, Curryboh, Piannalise, and mylia11! And thanks to everybody who clicked this to view...but didn't review...yeah. I do love seeing new favorites and follows, though!
Long story on the Abyssion joke in this chapter: I got into an argument with my friend on how to pronounce his name, and I thought the way I say it sounded Spanish, so this happened...
GAH I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT I HAD WORK AND SUMMER CALCULUS THAT IS KILLING ME SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY AND I GOT BURNED ON THE THROAT BY THE FRYERS SO SORRY.
Is a disclaimer really necessary at this point? Although the quote about "cheeks" came from Aerois, THANK YOU.
Everybody Loves Lloyd
Not one of the students took note of Lloyd's discomfort, despite having him encircled and all of them fawning over him. Tabatha and Seles were squabbling over who would date Lloyd (despite Seles claiming Lloyd was ugly and then mumbling that she loved him because Tsundere characters are ridiculous), the punks were still engaged in a gang war among themselves, and Genis was still cowering on the floor hoping Senpai Lloyd would notice him.
Lloyd was debating fleeing the room (screw school, screw high school, screw everything he ever knew, this was awful), when a dark, familiar, and snooty voice ordered, "Move aside."
The classroom collectively gasped as the posse surrounding Lloyd like a pack of ravenous wolves parted like the Red Sea, letting a drop-dead gorgeous bombshell sashay through as "Bootylicious" fittingly played in the background.
Her sleek black hair fell in swirling curls and her amber eyes were expertly done up with makeup, as were her lips. She was wearing a sleeveless, pink, button-down, low-cut V-neck, a black plaid miniskirt, white knee-length stockings, black stiletto heels, gold hoop earrings (but not golden gages, those were simply tacky), another pair of gemstone studs above her hoops (one garnet, one sapphire), another set of gemstone studs above those (one ruby, one opal), another set of gemstones above those (one aquamarine, one sardonyx), yet another pair of gemstones in her cartilage (a topaz and an amethyst), a delicate diamond necklace encircling her neck, a...
Zzzzz...
...Huh? Whazzat? Oh, I was describing a teenage girl's overdone outfit? I'm sorry, but I'd rather bore myself in a more productive matter than that. Long story short, she was pretty and glittery and we really don't need to know anything else about her clothes.
Over her shoulder was a tiny pink purse that was only able to hold two items, and seeing the two Money Bags held within Lloyd knew this was the real Sheena.
"I was hoping you'd take longer to figure that out..." Origin bemoaned to Lloyd.
Exaggerating the rocking of her hips as she waltzed up to Lloyd, Sheena perched herself on Lloyd's desk and crossed her legs. Her fancy features narrowed in disgust and before she addressed Lloyd she whirled to glare at someone, her raven curls smacking Lloyd in the face. "Kuchinawa! Orochi! I told you to play 'Don't Cha' earlier, remember?"
In the back of the room, Kuchinawa and Orochi (both hilariously still wearing their ninja hoods with their school uniforms) shut off the boom-box and growled at Sheena.
"Just, like, ignore them, Lloyd," Sheena advised, picking at one of her hot pink manicured nails and pausing only to take a selfie with the swordsman, making a hideous face that resembled a duck. "They're just, like, totally jelly." Lloyd didn't understand how the brothers resembled jam but he still nodded, in shock over his tomboy pal being twisted into a sleazy monster who'd walk past a wounded Genis without so much as a glance. This authoress was a monster.
She teased Lloyd's tie and leaned in close to Lloyd, but the swordsman jolted, an unfamiliar panic running through his veins and making his heart constrict. His jump made him lose his balance and fall out of his chair, but Sheena just raised a bemused eyebrow, not understanding what was wrong. "Like, what's wrong with you?"
Lloyd couldn't immediately respond. His teeth were clenched, his palms were slightly sweaty, and his mind was half-lost in another, darker place. Just days before he would have been fine with someone being that close to him, so why...what had Sheena reminded him of?
Oh Martel, he knew what. Zelos was what. He may not have shown it to his parents or even to the seme version of Zelos, aside from a nervous smacking away of the pervert's hands or gagging at the Pimp Master, but the seme had left an impression, a creepy impression that had shook Lloyd more than he had realized if Sheena just leaning in bothered him this much...
Sheena rolled her eyes and approached the confused swordsman. "Stop being such a little infant, Lloyd. You know, I don't, like, normally do this, but since you're like, a total hottie, you're like totally welcome to eat, like, lunch with us."
Contrary to popular belief, Lloyd was not not an idiot. Not as much as he used to be, anyways. "No thanks, I'm not looking for a relationship right now."
Sheena gave him an incredulous look and titled her head back, cackling like a banshee...Bansheena. "What are you, retarded? High school is, like, completely about dating! Come on, like, don't be stupid. Sit with us. Like..like."
"Or you could sit next to me!" encouraged Aisha.
"Or you could sit on me," Linar offered.
"You could sit on my face!" said Pietro.
Lloyd's saving grace came in the form of the bell ringing. "Well class was fun, guys, and I'm gonna go now, so-"
Sheena yanked on Lloyd's tie, hurling him into a chair and making him let out an unmanly, surprised yelp he'd never admit to. While everyone else viciously protested, Sheena straddled Lloyd's lap, and for being a hormonal teenager Lloyd sure was impressive in the way he tried to gently shove her off, even with panic in his eyes. "Come on, Lloyd, stop being such a baby! Like, what's the rush? You know, like, I'm the richest girl in, like, the school. I could, like, seriously buy you off - I mean give you anything, so, like, why won't you flirt back with me?"
"I've - I've gotta meet up with my friend Zelos-"
"Who's Zelos?!" Sheena hissed indignantly, envy clouding her eyes. "Is he someone I should worry about? Romantic competition?!"
"Trust me, Sheena, I do not find the idea of being his 'little kitten' fun-"
"Lloyd Aurion!" Hearing his new last name was a little disconcerting still (would Dad Two be okay with it, or should he go with both names?), but Lloyd and Sheena gazed up at Professor Sage, poised at her personal office door. "My office, now!"
"Thank you!" Lloyd cried as he dumped Sheena onto the tile floor, dashing into the office with inhuman speed and slamming the door. "Professor, thank Origin, Sheena was - Uh, what are you doing?"
Raine was lying with her legs crossed along the top of her mahogany desk, her hair messed up, her shirt unbuttoned, and a rose clenched in her teeth. The stupidity of this move often went unrealized, since roses have thorns and one such thorn had cut into Raine's lip, making it ooze blood. It made her look like a filthy zombie who'd just feasted on a five-course meal of BRAINS and didn't have the common courtesy to use a napkin.
"I noticed you weren't paying attention in class today," she accused, the rose almost slipping from her mouth. Fortunately the rose thorns were now embedded in her lip, so it didn't fall from its perch.
Yeah, he never paid attention in class. At least this time it wasn't his fault. "Ah, sorry about that, Professor Sage. No hard feelings, right?"
Raine didn't speak for a moment, lost in her consideration of Lloyd's punishment. Finally, to Lloyd's dread, she uttered, "This calls for a spanking!"
"No way, I'm not letting anyone close enough to me to spank-"
"No, you idiot! You have to spank ME!" Raine blurted, making those creepy Zelos eyes Lloyd hadn't ever wanted to see again.
"...What," was all Lloyd said.
"Investigate me like I would the Pyramids! Be primal caveman to my lusty cavewoman! I want you to be Indiana Jones and invade my Temple of Doom!"
"I AM DONE WITH THIS!"
Lloyd bolted out the door in a panic attack, determined to escape that sick mind who dared to combine perversion and formal education, his two least favorite things. He didn't get very far before he was tackled to the ground, with someone repeatedly smacking themselves into Lloyd's legs.
"What the-"
"Lloydie! Hi! I'm so glad to meet you!" His assailant had a tag on that said "Hyperactive Brat Who Just Wants Attention", some young stranger in green with pale green skin, dark green hair, and huge ears. He chatted faster than a caffeinated chipmunk, still refusing to stop dry humping Lloyd's legs.
"Get off me, get off me, get off me!"
"But it's so great to see you you're really funny and cute and gosh but I can't stop myself I'm sorry but I-"
"Noishe, ¡para!" Lloyd gawked in horror at what he now knew to be his dog as the human Noishe was thrown off him. He didn't even get to sigh in relief before someone with navy blue hair spun him around a few times and placed him on his toes. The man, with a name tag that said "Sexy Spanish Exchange Student", twirled the shouting Lloyd around and then dipped him like a salsa dancer, and Lloyd discovered his "rescuer" was none other than-
"Abyssion?!"
Abyssion seriously took forever to respond. "...¿Quién es Abyssion?" He spoke in a bizarre accent. "No, ¡yo soy Abyssión!"
"I don't speak...uh, whatever you're speaking."
Lloyd was stuck in that dip for approximately two minutes, Abyssión frozen in place like a statue. Even though he tried to leave, Abyssión had him in a vice-like grip, much like he'd been petrified by a basilisk. What was going on?
The Gobsmacking Angelic Authoress of the Divine scowled as she slowly typed her next sentence into Google Translate for the fifth time. She hated pausing a story while characters she couldn't control were within, but she had to do it. "Why don't you translate anything right, Google?"
Suddenly Abyssión buzzed to life again, smirking as he ran a hand through Lloyd's hair. Lloyd snarled and smacked the bonus boss away. Only his parents were allowed to do that! "Perdón, mi amor. ¡Por favor, por favor! Quiero ser tu novio, muchacho bonito."
"I don't want any bonbons, thanks," Lloyd muttered as he tried to walk away.
He bodily threw Abyssión off, sending the demon hunter into a locker. He went to ditch the two but then Noishe clung to his leg, making puppy dog eyes (the irony was not lost) at his master. "Oh please oh please oh please be my boyfriend! Oh please oh please oh please!"
"No!" Lloyd denied, trying to kick Noishe off.
Abyssión joined Noishe and clung to his other leg. "Por favor, mi amor...¡por favor! ¡Por favor!"
Grimacing in vexation - he was seriously considering animal abuse right now - and dragging his feet, Lloyd sluggishly tugged the two down the hall. Their heads kept banging against the tiles with each step, but brain damage did nothing to DIMINISH THEIR LOVE.
Barely five steps down the hall, Lloyd's burden suddenly felt heavier. Turning to look, he was both irritated and horrified to see Chocolat clawing her way up Noishe's body, booting the protozoan in the head while she snatched Lloyd's thigh with her fingernails. Lloyd reflexively squealed at this.
"Aww, he likes my womanly touch!" Chocolat purred, stroking the thigh while still keeping it in a tighter grip than spandex undies.
No, no he didn't! Lloyd didn't know how long he could go before he hurt someone. Gentle idealist he was, there as still only so long he could go without assaulting someone, even if they were innocent (despite molesting him). To keep them alive, he needed help...
Still trudging down the hall at a turtle pace, Lloyd rummaged through his pockets and yanked out his schedule, scanning it for a room number. He knew who could help with his girl, boy, and dog drama...
The passing period came to an end and Kratos wrote his name on the chalkboard, his scarf catching on his arm as he did so. "Hello, class. My name is Kratos Aurion, and I will be your new creative writing instructor. Now, as I understand it-"
"Question!" Kratos huffed impatiently and looked to the student, one brat in goofy glasses who was none other than Genis.
This was going to be a nuisance... Kratos sighed. "What is it?"
Smirking deviously and pushing his glasses up his nose (wait, when did Symphonia characters get noses?!), Genis asked, "So your name is Crotchtoast Aurion?" His smirk turned into a nasty grin and he snickered, his grating laugh going "NYUCK NYUCK NYUCK" in Seles's ear.
...Would anyone in this world notice if he cast Judgment on a child? Would they mind? ...He would have to check the school handbook, there may be rules against violence but he doubted there were any forbidding so-called black magic and witchcraft, whatever his abilities were called in this world. So perhaps an obliteration was imminent. "No. You may only call me Mr. Aurion-"
"Are you a cosplayer?" Killia piped up. She may have been wearing a name tag claiming she was a Gossipy Prep, but at least that was still less creepy and evil than that demon hell had spat out that the Regeneration team had faced in Dorr's basement...maybe.
"No," he said with narrowed eyes.
"Then why are you dressed like Gru from Despicable Me?"
Hmm? What... Kratos still wasn't sure what she was talking about, all he was wearing were the plain black clothes Zelos had chosen for him and that striped scarf. So he went to Moogle, the JRPG character's number one search engine, and looked up Gru. He didn't look that ridiculous either, just plain black clothes and a striped scarf-
Oh, he was going to murder Zelos when this was all over for choosing this outfit. Preferably with a sharp implement, the baseball bat wasn't satisfying for him. "I am not a...cosplayer." Under his breath, he prayed for serenity throughout this whole ordeal, for strength to endure any perversion or utter stupidity such as this, and most of all for the willpower both to protect Lloyd and Anna as well as to keep himself from killing gigolo Chosen Ones and anyone who preyed on his son's innocence-
"DAD, HELP ME!" Breaking the monotony of classroom life, a fist slammed into the glass window of the door and obliterated the thick glass in a single blow, shattering Kratos's serenity and dwindling his patience down to nothing. If the fist's owner experienced any pain from the glass shards now embedded in their fingers, it was hardly acknowledged.
Kratos reacted on finely honed instinct and ripped the door open with one hand while snatching his bat with the other. A bloodied, bruised, rumpled, and panicky Lloyd toppled into the room, with Noishe, Abyssión, Chocolat, Cacao, Marble, and Phaidra all falling on top of him, to their delight.
Kratos's classroom erupted into massive melee when his students spotted Lloyd, and they all sprang from their seats at the chance to even touch Lloyd's shirt sleeve. Eyes were stabbed with mechanical pencils, heads were bashed in by purses, and old grandmother hands punched jocks in the jugular, all in a desperate bid for Lloyd's affection.
Kratos whacked away Killia and pulled Lloyd out of the fray, but Marble was able to follow. "Let me just pinch your cheeks at least!" she begged.
"Keep away from my face!" Lloyd yelped while he socked Abyssión in the jaw and hurled Dorr away from his nether-regions.
"Oh, I didn't mean those cheeks..."
"STOP IT!"
The father and son waded their way through the class until they were able to barricade themselves in Kratos's office. Even with a barrier in the way everyone still pressed against the door, their faces smooshed against the slim glass window. The glass didn't so much as creak under the pressure.
Ignoring Chocolat making a heart with her hands and Noishe slobbering on the window, Lloyd heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness..." He shot a fearful glance at the door again. "The glass isn't going to break, is it?"
"It shouldn't," Kratos answered with a concerned frown on his face. "Lloyd, let me see your hand."
"Huh?" Lloyd looked down in confusion at his hands and finally took note of the glass and blood. "What the - but they just sting a little! I just thought I'd punched Cacao too hard or something!"
"You probably have a few other abrasions and bruises for me to look at," Kratos responded darkly as he gently took the hand into his, casting a First Aid spell. "...How many times do I have to tell you to not overdo it?"
"I think you overdo the warnings yourself," Lloyd replied as Kratos continued to scan him for more injuries. "...How come I didn't notice the glass in my hands?" Kratos refused to respond, purposely fixating himself on healing Lloyd's injuries as to avoid telling Lloyd the truth. "...Kratos?"
"I'm not entirely sure," Kratos lied. Lloyd clearly had more than he could handle on his plate, telling the boy he was becoming an angel would certainly overdo it. "In any case, you've sustained far more injuries than anyone ever should in a school environment, and I need to know why."
Lloyd gulped, a bead of sweat trickling down his neck. How was he supposed to tell Kratos about this? If he said too much, then Kratos would undoubtedly go out there and finish teaching his lesson, only now the lesson plan would involve writhing and death instead of writing and Macbeth.
Funny how not that long ago he had been worried about Kratos hating him. Now he was worried about Kratos caring too much about him.
"Um...first of all, remember when I said Regal was a little creepy earlier?"
"I did not forget that," Kratos snarled.
"Yeah, well...ehehe...the same thing might've happened with everyone else."
Kratos's eyes snapped open and he whirled on Lloyd. The sheer intensity of the spin alarmed Lloyd to the core; the seraph didn't just look furious this time, he appeared...afraid? Afraid of what? "...What?" he said quietly, and Lloyd gulped once again. Why did his dad's eyes have to be the same color as blood? It made it just that much more obvious that a bloodbath would be soon to follow if Lloyd couldn't defuse Kratos's rage.
"Genis and a bunch of others hit on me, Raine asked me to 'explore her Temple of Doom'-"
"What?!"
"Noishe dry humped me and Door wants me to bear his children - Why are you getting out a sword?!"
Kratos was rifling through his pack, searching for the most wicked blade he could find. When he unearthed Soul Eater, an eerily serene smile crossed his face, and Lloyd had the sinking feeling Kratos had finally cracked. "These people have gone too far, Lloyd. Anna and I both swore to protect you from anything like this, and they are only fan fiction characters-"
"You are not killing anyone!" Lloyd ordered as he snatched away the Devil's Arm. If Kratos had been anyone else he would have let out a pitiful whine, but all he did was glance at Lloyd with worry still in his eyes. "Gah, the fan fiction mana must be affecting us worse than we thought if I'm being the sensible one and you're the one swearing you'll kill everybody!" At Lloyd's words, Kratos's eyes sobered up a bit, though plenty of parental fury resided. "All I want to know is why they're after me! It's just like Zelos in the last world, and it...gaaaaah..."
Lloyd involuntarily shivered, frantically rubbing his arms to get rid of his pain and anxiety. When Kratos's worried eyes sharpened at this, Lloyd did his best to reassure him. "I'm alright, really."
"I highly doubt that, Lloyd." Damn, why couldn't he ever fool that man? "Now tell me what's wrong, and don't make me drag Anna into this."
"It really is nothing, I swear!" Lloyd frantically pleaded. No, no way was he bringing this up to his father. It was embarrassing, it was stupid, and hopefully it'd all go away. So what if he flinched when Sheena touched him? It was just reflexive, the memory of Zelos trying to grope him and pin him was just still fresh on his mind, that was all. Now that he had it all figured out...it still didn't help, he was still freaked out when Noishe and everyone else had tried to touch him too. The only person so far he felt okay touching him was Kratos, but he trusted him...except when it came to confessing about all this.
Kratos didn't buy Lloyd's flimsy lie but he didn't bring it up again. Turning from his son and utilizing his curtain of auburn hair, Kratos concealed his dark expression, an expression blacker than the deepest depths of hell. He hadn't been this angry since their little encounter with Kvar, but he could not explain to Lloyd his reason for being so enraged just yet, out of the slightest fear he was wrong. He'd have to consult Anna, but...he feared he knew why Lloyd alone was being picked on by the fan fiction characters like this. "Did I manage to heal all your wounds?"
Lloyd sighed in relief at the change in subject and grinned gratefully. "Yeah, I think they're all gone now. Thanks!"
"If this situation is causing you too much discomfort, you are welcome to remain here in my office for the remainder of the day," Kratos offered, pulling the blinds down on both his office window and many drooling faces.
But his son was a brave soul, and he responded with a shake of his head. "No, I can't do that. Sheena's out there and she needs my help, and Origin - who's being kind of a big jerk for no good reason - said another of our friends is here too. I'll just sneak out through the air vent for now and lay low until I find both of them and a way to fix them."
"...I see," Kratos sighed in defeat. "Then please, heed my advice: If anyone else today tries to hurt you or touch you inappropriately in any way...utilize excessive violence."
"Wh-what?!"
"A fine concussion may temporarily muddle the brain, but in the long run it teaches a lesson words sometimes cannot." When it came to Lloyd, Kratos could be...a bit unbelievable at times. Later on, outside of the realm of fan fiction, he would regret his foolish words, but for now they made perfect sense.
"You're unbelievable..." Lloyd muttered as he pried off the air vent's lid, crawling into the decently spacious shaft and heading off into the unknown, into a world he really did not want to face.
