It was like being hit with a sack of bricks. Except Dean would actually know what to do with a sack of bricks.
Depression.
His little brother had depression. Dean probably wouldn't have figured it out for a long time, if ever, if Sam hadn't left his laptop open.
With a very interesting browser. It had caught his eyes at first. but then the purple letters drew his attention. And as he read, the symptoms seemed to click together audibly in his mind.
-shows lack of interest in activities
-seems sad, down.
-sleeps often, says they're tired (decreased energy)
-has difficulty or refuses to make decisions, possibly brushes them off
-loss of appetite
-anxious or seems to have lack of emotion
Oh God.
Sam's eyes opened and he blinked back sleep. With a small sigh he rolled over onto his back.
To see Dean sitting on the edge of the other bed, looking at him. He was leaning forward, legs spread and forearms resting on his thighs while his hands were clasped together.
The stance meant that there was a discussion involved in the next few minutes. Sam's finger immediately pulled the hem of the sheets inbetween them, thumbs rubbing against it absentmindedly.
His other hand fisted the bottom sheet and he pulled himself upright before letting go of the sheet and pushing himself back against the wall. He looked at Dean before raising an eyebrow.
"What?"
Dean's right eyes twitched, notifying Sam that he was refraining from glancing at something. So it was relatively serious then.
Sam let his body sink against the wall. He was tired. Dean's face softened a fraction, so the action hadn't gone unnoticed.
"Sam, I'm not going to starting beating some goddamn bush. I'm going to give it to you straight."
Sam blinked, looking away from Dean for a moment as the words digested in his brain.
"Okay?"
"I think you might have depression. And I know you think the same."
Sam frowned, eyebrows drawing together. "Have you been going through my stuff?" he asked, an accusatory tone lacing the words. His gaze flickered over to where his laptop sat. Open.
There was a flicker of anger, but then Sam sighed, and it dissolved on it's own. Which Dean was not expecting.
"And?" Sam seemed to be bored. No.., not bored exactly...just tired.
"And? It's a problem, Sam."
"I honestly don't really care."
"You don't care? What about your werewolf thing, do you not care about that too?" Dean snapped. Sam deadpanned.
There was a pregnant pause. "I assume that's a problem as well? What I am? There isn't a cure Dean, so I guess that just makes me the problem."
Dean sighed. "Sam-"
"Did you think I didn't notice? I'm a werewolf, Dean. I may not have turned fully yet, but I have heightened senses. You look at me as though I'm something wrong, not like your brother. You narrow your eyes at me whenever I use my senses in a way no human could. But then again, I'm not human, am I? That's been made abundantly clear. Your desperate search to find a cure that doesn't exist because you don't want to have to face the fact that I'm a monster. Right? You've been so focused on what I am, you've never asked me once how I've felt. How this has affected me. Knowing I can't change what I am and that it would be a lot simpler if I just turned a silver bullet on myself-"
Sam was cut off as he fell off the bed, smarting cheek ablaze from Dean's fist.
Dean closed his eyes and took a breath before going over o the other side of the bed and grabbing Sam by the collar of his shirt and pulling him flush against him.
Sam's eyes widened as he felt strong arms encompass him and he blinked slowly, trying to figure out what was happening.
"Wha-?" he breathed.
"I'm sorry," Dean said. "I'm so sorry, Sammy."
Sam gasped and tried to push himself out of Dean's hug. But Dean wasn't having it.
Finally, Sam stilled and breathed in the scent of whiskey and car gas.
"Are you okay?"
Sam almost didn't catch it because Dean asked it so quietly, but once his mind registered what his older brother was asking, his hazel eyes grew moist.
He started trembling and Dean only squeezed him tighter.
"It's okay, little brother. Everything's going to be okay."
