Super SpongeBob Bros.
Episode 8: The Grass is Always Greener
Mewtwo sighed as he sat at a table in the Chum Bucket. Another attempt to steal the Smash Burger formula had failed.
"So, typical day of failure, I see, huh darling?" Mewtwo's wife, Mother Brain asked.
"Oh, can it, alien wife. Can't you see I'm exhausted? Why don't you make yourself useful and synthesize me up some grub."
"Yes, your majesty."
"What do we got here? Oh, goody. Holographic meatloaf again! When am I gonna get some real food? Mr. Mario gets to eat real food. Just look at his daughter, she's like some kind of human lightning bolt. I wish I could be successful like Mr. Mario. I wish I could somehow just switch lives with him. Just to know what it's like."
"Then why don't you use that "Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier" thing you built last Tuesday?"
Mewtwo instantly spit out his drink. "What a brilliant idea! Your parents must've been like, part brain or something." Mother Brain sighed.
"Now, let's see here." Mewtwo looked through until he saw what he was looking for. "Well, I hate to leave you, Mother Brain, but you know what they say, a rolling stone gathers no grass." Mewtwo pressed a button and then went through a hole in time and space. He then suddenly stopped for a second to take a drink, and then continued to scream. He then woke up somewhere different. "Sweet Arceus from above. What happened last night?" Mewtwo looked up and saw that he was sitting in an office. "What's this?" He picked up a name tag on the desk. "Mr. Mewtwo?" He then looked at a picture with him and Phosphora. "Who the Dialga?" He then got up and looked through the door window. "I'm in the Smash Burger...which means that the life switcher was a success! The Smash Burger is mine!" Mewtwo then looked and saw that he was dressed. "Corporate casual!"
"Order up! Two deluxe Smash Burgers!" A familiar voice called out.
"At last!"
Pit had just finished delivering the food to Luigi as Mewtwo came to the table. "There you are sir. Two deluxe...Hello there, Mr. Mewtwo."
"Er, um, hey there, uh Pit. Oh, Pit?"
"Yes, sir!"
"I'm gonna need to take one of these burgers back to my office for um, bun inspection."
"I'm afriad you can't do that, Mr. Mewtwo!"
"Why-why not?"
"Because that burger is for the customer, sir!"
"The customer? I'll boil the customer in hot oil, and I'll rip out his-" Pit glared at Mewtwo. "I mean uh, yes, of course, for the lovely...customer."
"But you can take these burgers, sir." Pit handed Mewtwo two burgers. "I made them in the off chance that you decide to instigate some bun inspection today, Mr. Mewtwo, sir!"
"Uhh...yes, uh, very nice. Um, thanks." Mewtwo rushed back to his office with the burgers. "All mine! It's finally all mine! The burgers, the wealth, the notoriety!" He looked up and saw that Pit was standing right in front of him. "Pit? What do you want?"
"Well, it's just that it's Tuesday again, sir and I was wondering if I could have my...um...weekly performance review!"
"Review?"
"Oh, yes. Please, sir, please!"
"But I've never reviewed anything...except for those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me."
"Oh please, sir! I wanna make you so happy and proud!" Pit pleaded.
"You're doing fine, now leave me with my work."
"But sir!"
"I though I sent you away, Cretin."
"But sir, there's gotta be something I've gotta improve on. ANYTHING!"
"All right, the sauce."
Pit gasped. "Wh-what?"
"The sauce." Mewtwo repeated. "I don't know. You're using too much sauce, okay? Review's over." Pit's face suddenly changed and then started making weird movements with his arms. "What's the matter with you? All I said was a little too much sauce. It's no big deal, really." Pit just continued with his strange movements. "What do you want from me, a promotion?"
"A pro-a promo-a promotion?!"
"Uh, sure, kid, you're uh...you're on register now."
"Register!" Pit bolted out the door.
"Glad that's over."
Dark Pit was standing at the register reading a magazine. He then looked and saw that Pit was right next to him.
"Pit-stain, do you remember that little talk we had about 'personal space'?"
"It's okay, Pittoo. I'm official, look!" Pit showed him the new name tag on his shirt.
Dark Pit gasped. "Co-Cashier?" He then headed to Mewtwo office.
"So, have you two known each other long?"
"You can't do this to me, Mr. Mewtwo! If you think that I should be standing out there all day listening to that idiotic Pit-stain, then you must have a needle wedged in your frontal lobe!"
"So what do you want me to do about it?"
"I'd like my view to be a little less white, if you know what I mean."
Mewtwo then put Dark Pit behind the register at the grill. "Hope you like grey."
Pit poked his head out through the window. "Hey Pittoo, I can see you through this little window!" Dark Pit groaned.
"Now, no more intrusions! I'd like to begin writing the memoirs of my success story, so everyone just stay the-"
Suddenly, someone busted in through the front doors of the restaurant. It was Phosphora, who went in like a hyperactive lightning bolt. "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"
"Just tell Daddy what you want! He's very busy!"
"Could I please have a um...an advance on my allowance?" Phosphora asked.
"If it'll get you off my tail." Mewtwo handed Phosphora a one dollar bill. "Go crazy."
"One dollar? You hate me!" Phosphora started to cry, with her tears flying everywhere.
Mewtwo suddenly felt someone tap on his shoulder. "You!"
"Who, me?" Mewtwo turned around and saw that Falco was looking at him angrily.
"You think this is funny?"
"In a cosmic sort of way, yes."
"Well, Mr. Funny Man, is this how you get your sick kicks?!" Falco showed Mewtwo what looked like an ordinary burger.
"What? It's just an ordinary -OH MY GOODNESS!" Mewtwo saw that the burger had a bunch of nasty stuff in it. "Pittoo!"
"I tried, Mr. Mewtwo. I really did." Pit said with remorse.
"Oh, what now?" Mewtwo groaned.
"A customer ordered a medium soda, and I gave him a large! I GAVE HIM A LARGE! I'VE SOILED THE GOOD SMASH BURGER NAME! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT!" Pit screamed.
"I command you to stop that. Stop that and return to your post!" Mewtwo tried to get Pit to stop, but he wouldn't. "Where's the off button on this thing?"
Phosphora then appeared right next to them. "Okay, Daddy, I've decided I'm gonna run away. Run away and find a new daddy!"
"Make it stop!" Suddenly, an alarm went off. "What, did I say the secret word?"
"No, sir. He's back."
"Who's back? What?" Mewtwo then saw something flash by. "What was that?"
"MAN YOUR STATIONS! RED ALERT! RED ALERT! TAKE COVER!" Pit yelled. Everyone screamed and ducked for cover.
"Take cover from what?!" Mewtwo was completely confused.
"He's around here somewhere." Pit saw the mysterious figure flash by again. "There he goes!"
"What? Who? Where? Somebody tell me!"
"Some say he walked out of the darkest alley in the city." Marth said.
"He's the nastiest of all the monsters." Phosphora said.
"He's the most hated person in Smashville." Pit said.
"And he's finally got a Smash Burger!" The mysterious figure laughed.
"Mario? What the Palkia is going on here?" Mewtwo asked.
"That's your arch competitor, Mario. His goal in life is to steal a Smash Burger and ruin our restaurant."
"That's terrible!"
"Yeah, but the worst part is..."
Mewtwo looked and saw that Mario was in nothing but his underwear. "Good grief! He's naked!"
"Clothe me if you can, silly nitwits!" Mario laughed.
"I'm gonna make you eat those words, Mario!" Pit then appeared with a cannon and started to fire clothes at Mario, who dodged them. "No shoes, no shirt, no service!"
Mario kept dodging the clothes until Pit finally hit him with a bra. "Aw, you got me. Well, at least it's underwire. Here's your stinking burger!"
"I don't understand. Is there a gas leak in here?" Mewtwo asked.
"Knick-knack the burger's back! You did it, Mr. Mewtwo. VICTORY SCREECH!" Pit and the everybody else started to screech.
"Enjoy your victory screech Mewtwo, because someday the formula will be mine!"
"You'll never get this formula, you twisted fiend!" Pit yelled.
"Oh, but I will! Even if I have to come back tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day..."
"Phone call, Mr. Mewtwo." Pit put the phone near Mewtwo's ear.
"And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day..." Mario continued over the phone.
Mewtwo screamed and ripped his clothes off. "It's not worth it! It's just not worth it! Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy." Mewtwo pressed a button and was now back to his normal life. "Holographic meatloaf? My favorite!"
