Over the next few weeks, John found himself indulging Sherlock's little side more than he had ever thought he would. In the beginning he had thought of this as something to do every once in a while to make Sherlock feel safe and cared for but now it was becoming as much a part of their relationship as their work was. They had cases and work to do; they kept plenty busy. In these moments it was almost easy to forget that they had this small, secret part of their life that no one knew about. Once the cases were solved and Sherlock's mind was free of its hell bent need to solve things, they would resume their "little" experiment. John was learning quickly what Sherlock liked and didn't like. He was learning also that Sherlock had been right to warn him; the incident with the phone had not been the only punishment that he'd been forced to give Sherlock. But as much as it hurt John, and as much as Sherlock cried, he craved the punishments and John's forceful hand. He enjoyed the older man taking charge; John had noticed even when Sherlock was "big" he was more likely to listen to John's advice and leading now.
One day, weeks later, John found himself in the grocery store getting some much needed supplies before going home. He and Sherlock had just closed a case this morning, one that had taken them a good two weeks to finish and they had agreed that tonight would be a "little" night. John had seen the way Sherlock's eyes lit up at the idea and John had to admit excitement bristled inside him as well. It still wasn't easy to admit to himself how much he enjoyed this but he knew after two weeks of no littleness at all he was craving that attention with Sherlock.
John had gotten almost everything that he needed to restore their dwindling food supplies when he found himself walking down the aisle with the baby items. Before Sherlock's little coming out, John would have walked right by these items without a second glance. Now, he found himself staring at them like an idiot. That man had ruined him in more ways than one…
John was about to walk away when he spotted a bright blue dummy with a pirate on it. It was too perfect, too Sherlock to pass up. John smiled as he took the dummy off the peg and tossed it into his cart, walking down the aisle to get the last of the things he needed, excited to give Sherlock his little gift when he got home.
As he was rounding the corner into the next aisle, John's cart collided with another. He was sputtering apologies when he looked up and realized who it was that he had crashed into. He smiled.
"Sarah…..hey" John said, smiling at his former girlfriend. As with everyone he had dated since meeting Sherlock, things hadn't worked out between them. But it hadn't been a nasty break and they had often spoken since, even gone out a few times since. He was always glad to see her.
"Hey, John" Sarah said, smiling broadly as she recognized who she had bumped into. "Long time, no see. Keeping busy, I assume? Sherlock keeping you busy?" she asked with a laugh.
John blushed a little, thinking of just how Sherlock had kept him busy and chided himself. "Yeah…..as always" he said a bit shy. "London's criminals always giving him a run for his money. What about you?"
Sarah gave a tired laugh. "Work, always working. We've been short staffed for a couple of weeks and I've been filling in more than I'd like to."
"Doesn't ever stop does it?" John asked with a smile.
"No" she said with a grin. "I'd love to catch up with you sometime, maybe over dinner?"
"Sure" John said, suddenly excited at the prospect of seeing Sarah again. "That would be great"
"How about tonight?" Sarah asked. "I've actually got it off….first day I've had off in a week"
"Yeah…..that'd be nice" John said. "Anywhere particular that you'd like to go?"
"How about that Italian place you like?" Sarah asked. "Then we could do a movie at my place if you'd like?"
John smiled; that was what he liked about Sarah. Things were always easy with her, always fun. Even without the technical terms of dating they still could have fun. "That sounds really nice" John said grinning. "Is seven good for you?"
"Yeah, that's good" Sarah said with a grin. "See you then"
John walked up to the register with a too-goofy grin on his face. It wasn't until he was unloading his items and saw the pirate dummy that he remembered that he had already promised to spend the evening with Sherlock. His hand was scooping his mobile out of his pocket to call Sarah and tell her that he couldn't make it when he forced himself to stop. Ever since he had started to indulge Sherlock's little side, he had spent every minute of his free time with him. He had declined so many invites and ignored everyone else around him. Part of him really wanted to turn down Sarah's invite in favor of spending the night with Sherlock. His rational mind though screamed at him not to. This was not healthy, spending nearly all of his time with Sherlock, even abandoning his dating life to spend time with his flat mate. John returned his phone to his pocket. No…..he needed to go on this date. One night away from Sherlock wouldn't hurt either of them; he'd simply reschedule their little playdate. A date would do him some good.
….
John emerged from the bathroom, dressed and ready for his date with Sarah, surprised that Sherlock still wasn't home. He'd been prepared to tell Sherlock that they would have to wait until tomorrow for their previous plans but Sherlock had not been at the flat and he hadn't returned yet either.
As John grabbed his coat and began to put it on, he noticed the pirate dummy he'd bought for Sherlock sitting on the table and felt a pang of guilt. He should have just been happy about going out on a date; Sherlock should have been the last thing on his mind. But, even though he tried to ignore it, he did feel guilty. After all, he had made plans with Sherlock before he'd agree to see Sarah and it wasn't really fair to cancel on him. There was a part of him, a big part of him that felt like he'd rather stay in with Sherlock anyway. John shook his head at the thought; he really was enjoying how much closer he and Sherlock were getting. But he was also more than a little alarmed at the dependence they were beginning to develop. Getting closer was one thing but he hadn't gotten to the point that he didn't even see anyone else anymore and he didn't think that was healthy. If he was honest with himself, he was beginning to be afraid of his feelings. Not because Sherlock's feelings and dependence on him was alarming him but because he was embracing it whole heartily.
John turned away from the dummy to rid himself of the troubling thoughts. He was going to have fun tonight and he wasn't going to feel guilty. Sherlock could wait one more day without it hurting anything. With a quick text message to Sherlock about where he was going, John was out the door, determined not to give it a second thought.
….
"Don't you think you better answer that?" Sarah asked in amusement as John's phone buzzed for the 10th time that night. She knew exactly who was on the other end and unlike other women John had gone out with, it didn't seem to bother her.
"No….it's best to just ignore him" John said as he settled down into a more comfortable position on the couch as they watched the movie on the telly. Honestly, John didn't want to see what Sherlock had to say. He had continued to have that terrible sense of guilt, only increased by every time his phone vibrated. It was absurd; he should have been able to enjoy a few hours away from Sherlock undisturbed.
Sarah was leaning back against John but she moved when his phone went off yet again. She turned around and looked back at John. "Just answer it" she said with a laugh, pulling his phone out of his pocket and handing it to him. "It's alright, really"
It's not alright…..John thought uncomfortably but he glanced at it anyway. A series of texts filled his phone screen.
John? Where are you?
John…we had plans. Where are you?
Answer your phone, John!
John? Why aren't you answering your phone?
John's stomach twisted as he sent a text back to him.
Sherlock, I told you I was going out with Sarah. I'll be home after a while, okay?
John put his phone back in his pocket with a smile. "There…that should be better" he said as they relaxed back into their positions. Two minutes later John's phone buzzed again.
"Well, Sherlock is just as persistent as ever, isn't he?" Sarah asked amused, her eyes still on the telly.
"Persistent is a word you could use, though I could think of another word" John said, looking at his phone in annoyance.
You're supposed to be with me…..you said we were going to play tonight
John didn't need Sherlock's persistence pushing him; he already was nearly on the edge of doing something stupid like just go back home and make a complete arse of himself in front of Sarah.
Yes, I know I did. I'm sorry but we'll do it tomorrow.
John hadn't even gotten his phone back into his pocket when he felt it vibrate again.
Come home now…daddy.
John's stomach twisted with guilt and fear. He simultaneously felt the need to go back to Sherlock, to his baby, and the need to put as much distance between them as possible. His feelings were so strong they scared him.
John turned his phone off completely and turned his attention toward the telly and Sarah. "Everything alright?" Sarah asked as she leaned into John. John put his arms around her and pulled her close.
"Yes…..everything's fine" John lied with a smile on his face as he tried to move his thoughts away from what was home at 221B.
…..
John's thoughts were muddled in a delightful way as his heart beat quickly. When he heard a phone ringing, he barely registered it and neither he nor Sarah stopped long enough to acknowledge it. His lips moved quickly, almost frantically as his hands moved under her shirt. She gasped slightly against his lips and her hands went to his belt, making him feel almost like he was going to explode. He always had a good time with Sarah.
Sarah's phone stopped ringing for a fraction of second before it began to ring. John was just happy it wasn't his and was glad that she didn't stop to answer it. Her hands made quick work of his belt and trousers, painfully breaking their contact for a second as she pulled his trouser off him. His lips found hers again within a second as his hands began to pull her shirt over her head.
When her phone rang for the third time, she pulled back breathlessly. "I better answer that" she said. "Make sure it's not something important."
"Okay" John said, gasping for air himself, his body giving an almost ache as their contact was broken. He didn't want to stop but he knew that she was right; surely anyone that called three times in less than two minutes probably needed something important.
"Hello?" Sarah asked as she forced her voice to sound normal. Her brow quickly furrowed in confusion. "What?"
Sarah paused for a long moment before she turned and handed the phone to John. "It's for you" she said in annoyance.
John felt confusion pass over him. "Me?" he asked.
"It's Sherlock" Sarah said, pushing the phone into John's hand.
Annoyance rose in John like a wave; he had turned his phone off to avoid Sherlock and now he was calling Sarah's phone? Couldn't he have anything? Couldn't he even have one night to himself without being interrupted?
"Sherlock? What the hell?" John asked, seething. "What are you doing calling Sarah's phone?"
"I had to…..you wouldn't answer yours" Sherlock said somewhat shyly on the other end.
"I told you I was on a date" John said, trying not to scream but finding it hard not to. "Believe it or not, I don't want to talk to you while I'm on a date" The fact that they were even having this conversation while he was without trousers was ridiculous.
"But John, you promised me we would play tonight…..the case was done. I want you here" Sherlock said, his voice falling more and more into his little voice.
Normally Sherlock's little voice was enough to make John melt into a puddle of mush but this time he didn't. Now, he was just angry. "I know I said that but Sarah asked me out and I wanted to see her and it's just one night for Pete's sakes!" John burst out.
"John…..please come home" Sherlock begged, his little and vulnerable.
"No!" John said irritably. He had been so convinced to come home but now he was just annoyed. He wanted to be with Sherlock but the need was feeling a little suffocating and a little scary. He just wanted to go back to just feeling and not thinking with Sarah; he wanted to go back to something he understood.
"But daddy…" Sherlock whined in his best little voice.
John's heart started to melt but he fought it. His emotions were so mixed up and he couldn't take it. He felt guilt and fear and unreasonable missing Sherlock; all that combined with his current annoyance and frustrated arousal made him explode.
"No! Sherlock, I'm on a date and I'll come home when I'm good and ready! Can you just grow up?!"
John regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth but he knew that he couldn't take it back. John heard a muffled sob a second before Sherlock hung up. He immediately tried to redial Sherlock's number but it went automatically to voicemail.
"John….are you okay? Is something wrong?" Sarah asked gently, her anger melted away at seeing John's crestfallen expression.
John's stomach was churning with guilt as he looked down at his lap. He forced himself to wipe the sadness off his face as he looked back up Sarah. "Of course I'm fine" he lied. He forced a smile as he moved closer to her. "I don't think Sherlock will be bothering us anymore tonight" John leaned in towards Sarah, his lips meeting hers, trying to force his mind to forget the incident with Sherlock. Though his body cooperated quite willingly, his mind was not so easily changed.
