Ok, really sorry I forgot to update, thanks for the reviews and keeping up with the story!
Disclaimer: ich besitze nicht Dämmerung.
Alice and I returned home in silence. I was still processing the information, unable to believe Edward—endearing, controlled, logical Edward, could be running rampart and wild in the forest somewhere. What if he were hurt? What once seemed like a distant negligible snatch of conversation came back to me. Edward's warning; there were worse things out in the forest than him. The promise of unknown beasts awaiting in that darkness that he considered worse than the bloodsucking undead left my imagination running wild. Ideas of other vampires, super vampires, super bears, all played the star role as a villain in a horrifying end of my beloved. A heavy sigh found it's way up my lungs; it forced me to realize that I simply could not live with Edward missing like this. I needed to find him. The only problem was convincing Alice. She had tried to keep Edward's escape from me, and I didn't think she really wanted to go adventuring after him with me in a tow. Actually, I thought, I wouldn't really be such a burden now. After all, I was one of them, I could hold my own. I didn't even have a thirst for anything, human or animal! I might even be of a help, Edward may disregard his siblings help, but he could never turn me away.
I had a goal, sound logic, and now all I needed was the attitude. I would not be persuaded out of this, I was going to find Edward with Alice's approval or not. "Alice," I faltered, staring at my shoes, "I think that it's my responsibility, my RIGHT to go out and get Edward back." No response. I plowed on. "I got everyone in this mess, and I will never be able to live with myself, or you all for that matter, if I'm not the one to set things straight." I risked a glance up. She wasn't even paying attention! "Alice!" I said with more force than I intended.
"What?" She had a distant glaze about her.
"Did you hear a word of what I just said?"
"Oh," she snapped out of her reverie. "Right, well thing is Bella, we don't need to find Edward. Edwards finding us."
"Huh?"
"He'll be here around…I don't know when I saw the vision it was sometime in the night. It was a new moon, so I'm guessing sometime around tomorrow night?"
Her casual tone is what set me off. "WHAT? When did you see this? Why are you keeping things from me? I'm sick of you still treating me like some weak child who needs to be watched and protected! Here I am preparing to cross continents to find him and you've known he was coming all along!" My fists were clentched tight, and I had a strong need to break something.
"Woah, Bella…calm down. I just had it 2 minutes ago. You know, you look a little pale." She added.. Was this some sort of bad joke to lighten the tension? Obviously she wasn't taking me seriously. I served her down with a flat stare. "No, no, I don't mean like that. I mean you look sick, even for a vampire. It's like I'm looking into a doll's face, with big black buttons sewn on as eyes. We never let ours get that dark."
I snapped back, "Well you also have an uncontrollable nasty thirst for human blood." It was a hit below the belt, I knew, but for some reason didn't care. I didn't want to admit it but I was feeling a little worn, but I figured that since it was only my first real day with this new strength I was bound to feel some of the effects.
Alice didn't seem in the mood to fight. Instead, she gazed coolly down at me, and simply said, "You're not the only one who's been affected by Edward's absense. He is my brother, and he took my husband away with him. I think we should just be alone for a while until we can calm down." And left, making me look a fool, and feel more frustrated than ever.
Alice took where Renee used to sleep while I stomped into my room. I flounced onto my bed and tried to calm myself down to no avail. I settled on pacing the length of the floor, as I could hear Alice do the same in the next room over. As I walked, I looked about at my room. It was a time capsule of my childhood. The walls were still an obnoxious orange that I had insisted on having when I was 5. My interior decorating skills consisted of trying to make my room match the desert around it, determined to have something different, something unique from the usual purple and white trim room that girls had. It matched the Phoenix sunrise, and had a mural of cacti and other desert vegetation on the wall across from my bed. It wouldn't have been so bad if Renee hadn't added her last minute touch, a goofy smile with sunglasses on each of the cacti. Around ten I figured out how strange it was to have these odd little cartoons watch me sleep each night, and covered half the wall with bookcases, filled with different novels and porcelein dolls Charlie used to send me for my birthday. I examined each one closely, innocence painted onto their faces, always the same vacant happy expression. Their eyes were shiny and reflective; I could see my face in them. Were mine really like that?
I went to a mirror and dissected my face. Sure enough, where my pupils and iris should have been was a jet black lacquer. The kind of darkness that swallows things up, the kind where you wave your hand an inch away from your face and can't see it. It didn't look right. It reminded me too much of the dolls, as if I was as empty as them on the inside. I felt empty. Maybe I should eat something, I thought to myself. I trotted into the kitchen to experiment. Was people food the right way to go? I got out some Doritos, smelled the spices and artificial cheese on them, my mouth watered. Guess so, I thought, and stuffed a couple in my mouth.
Bile rose in my throat, the sticky mess was a mixture of too salty, too bitter, too everything, all the too-strong flavors mixing and melting together to form a disgusting taste in my mouth that made me gag. I spit it out into the garbage. I guess that wasn't the right choice. But then what was I supposed to eat?
I looked in the freezer. There were two steaks, freezer-burned and forgotten. I picked one up, rock hard, and bit in. The juices, part blood, part marinade ozzed into my hungry mouth, tasting almost just as bad as the Doritos, but I managed to choke this one down. I took another bite, and then another.
I finished the second steak more quickly than the first, not stopping to observe the different flavors effects on my palate. I tried to ignore them completely actually, but I couldn't block out the taste of coppery blood and the unsettling feeling I got chewing the raw fat. "Alice," I called. "I think I know what's wrong."
Dun dun dun, cliffhanger, kind of. More later, R&R please.
