Fortunately Fíli didn't react too badly to the fact that he was all alone for some minutes. Nevertheless he was more than glad that his brother returned, smiling broadly.
"I've got something for you" With that he hold both his hands in front of his body and presented a little pile of papers. Sitting down on the bed, he gave them to Fíli. "When I thought that I'd lost you, I started writing letters to you. All the time I hoped one day there would be a tomb so that I could place them there. But now as you're still alive and back, you can read them. Only if you want though. "
"You wrote letters? For me?" Not only could Kíli hear the surprise in his voice but also the gratitude.
"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"
"Be-because they were right"
"Who was right with what?"
"The Orcs. They said, you all wouldn't like me because I'm worth nothing"
"How dare those bastards say that? This is not true at all. Do you hear me? We all love you and you are almost everything to me. You worth more than you ever thought, you're a prince of Durin, for Mahal's sake. Moreover, you are the heir to the throne of Erebor, the mightiest dwarven kingdom in Middle Earth"
"Not anymore. He made you his heir."
"Only because we thought you were dead. The kingdom needed an heir"
"Yet that doesn't change the fact that I was replaced"
"No. You should have seen Thorin and how much this decision hurt him. But if you want, you shall become the heir again. Uncle proposed it himself"
"What a flatterer. Now that I'm back. What makes him think I would want that?"
"That you must ask him yourself. I don't know."
"To be honest…. I never really wanted to be the heir. Did you ever realise that in our youth it was you who was free and me who had all the responsibility? That also included much less free time."
"So you mean you were jealous?"
"Maybe. Don't remember"
"You know what? Sometimes I envious because you were older"
"Really?" Kíli could hear some disinterest in his voice.
"Yes I was. Because you could already train with Dwalin, while I had to watch. Later, you could go out as long as you wished to and I had to stay at home. Uncle has taken you to a hunting trip, I needed to help mother"
"Instead you needn't accompany uncle to meetings and other boring stuff."
"Well once I had to. And also when he was planning our quest to Erebor" As so often Fíli shrugged.
"I hate it"
"What do you hate?"
"Erebor" For some seconds Kíli didn't know what to say, then he simply wanted to know why. "Look at all the problems it brought with it. Some thousand dwarves are dead, Laketown is destroyed and its treasure almost caused a war. Actually it did."
"That is true. But it is our home"
"No. My home is in the Blue Mountains"
"Mine too, nevertheless it's our homeland. Where our ancestors lived. Isn't that great?"
"Fantastic" He groaned sarcastically. "In fact Khazad-dûm should be our homeland. Our ancestors used to live there for much longer than here."
"I see your point. I often thought about it too. But I guess Moria is definitely lost now."
"Except another dwarf started such a suicide mission again. It wouldn't astonish me if it was Thorin himself. If he does, promise me you won't go with him"
"You have my word. To be honest I can live with the thought that it's lost forever."
"I wish Erebor would have been."
"Don't tell uncle about it."
"I'm not stupid"
"Hey, I just wondered, you never actually saw how Erebor looks like now. Uncle says it's much like when he used to be a child."
"It looks the same as… then"
"That is just your room. We left it and hardly anyone ever entered it. Oh you should see the rest of the mountain"
"I've seen enough."
"So you don't really like how it looks like either?"
"Of course not. It's dark, monotonous, cold and caging. Much like Gundabad in fact" Kíli cursed.
"But why didn't you say anything? We could have lit up some more candles or even a fire. And we might put something colourful on the walls. What do you say?"
"He'd never do that"
"You mean Thorin? I'm sure he would do anything to make you feel as comfortable as possible"
"He got that about right"
"I admit, he behaved wrong towards you but if you just told him he could chance that. And you haven't said whether you'd liked us to modify your room"
"It's alright."
"You sure?" The blonde nodded. "Fair enough. Just tell us when you want something though."
"Didn't you ever want to go home?" Fíli changed the topic abruptly.
"Home?" He frowned.
"Yeah. To Ered Luin"
"Sometimes. But only if we could have our old lives back."
"Have you been there again?"
"No. I guess I somehow got used to the thought of Erebor being my home" Kíli sighed "And to be honest I'd like to make you feel the same or at least similar. If only I could show you around in Erebor but…" He stopped.
"But what?" Before Kíli found anything he could say, Fíli had already guessed the answer. "Thorin. He told you to make sure no one sees me, didn't he?" The brunette flinched and didn't say anything. "He is afraid that someone would notice how weak and what a blot in the line of Durin I have become? Am I right?" Now Kíli pressed his lips together and frantically searched for a suitable answer. "Am I right?" Fíli yelled.
"Uncle did it for you. That you are being left alone and that you can fully recover before he will tell everyone that you're alive. You can guess what kind of trouble that may cause" The blonde huffed.
"I've been being left alone for the past nine years or so. And did he really intend to lock me up in here until he thinks I'm appropriate enough again to be presented to his people?" Kíli could tell that his brother was furious. "You know what? I hate him too"
"Fíli, he is your uncle. You can't say such a thing!"
"As you see I can. And should I tell you another thing? I'm sure he hates me as well"
"Of course he doesn't!"
"Prove it"
"Well I can't. But he can. You just need to tell him what you feel"
"If you had a problem with Dwalin… would you tell him? After he asked you if you had one of course. Or wouldn't you say anything and try to behave towards him like you think it was best?"
"You know me. I would give myself away anyway."
"So you wouldn't tell him?"
"Hell no"
"See?"
"That's quite another matter"
"It isn't"
"Fine. But did you think if you just said nothing everything would sort out as you hope?"
"Hoping is never good" Kíli groaned.
"You don't want to get things straight?" Fíli remained silent. "Don't you dare saying you're fine with it because you are definitely not. Either you tell him or I will"
"No!"
"Alright. Then you'll do it."
"I don't want him to know"
"It hurts you. And you must admit you want it to stop. And it only will if you are honest. You don't even need to mention everything."
"What should I say then?"
"Maybe that you feel ignored by him? Or ask him why he doesn't talk to you."
"Maybe."
"So you'll do it?"
"I'll think about it" Because Kíli thought he did most he could he didn't say anything to push him further.
"Thanks" They kept the silence for some minutes before a gentle knock on the door was heard. Slowly the door was pushed open and Thorin came in. Being near his brother Kíli could hear him snort quietly.
"You're both still awake?"
"Couldn't sleep" Fíli stated. "What do you want?"
"I've brought you something to eat, Kíli. If you want something too I'll get you a plate as well"
"Oh you'd to that?"
"Of course" Obviously the king didn't hear the irony.
"Don't inconvenience yourself on my account."
"Fíli" Thorin said, handing the plate to his younger nephew and sitting down beside them "What's the matter?"
"Nothing. I'm very well."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I am or do you even doubt my judgement about my own welfare?"
"No I don't. Though you seem upset"
"Oh do I?"
"No you don't just seem you are upset" Thorin corrected.
"Well you never talk to me"
"But I'm talking to you just now"
"Yeah. Now you are"
"Do you want to say that I haven't talked to you in the past few days?"
"Among others"
"What else?"
"What else what"
"What does bother you as well?"
"You do."
"How do you mean that exactly?"
"Don't pretend you don't know. You know what I mean"
"No I don't" Once again Fíli snorted and turned his head to the side. "Come on, tell me please" The blonde shook his head. "Don't be stubborn, lad. Just talk to me."
"Oh now you want me to talk?"
"I never said I didn't"
"You didn't say it"
"But I've made you feel like I did." He received no answer. "I'm truly sorry for that. It was never my intention to hurt any of you, you have my word"
"Like those people of Laketown you've promised a fair share of your gold?" Now it was Thorin who was silent "You see, your word doesn't mean anything. One thing Azog was right about after all."
Also I am truly sorry that I haven't updated in such a long time. But I just couldn't because I was told quite harshly that my personal writing style was bad and absolutely weird, which really hurt. Plus I started having self-doubts again after that statement from a teacher(also because of other things that happend in the past). So writing a story about a character (still my favourite though) who has self-doubts... yeah not the best idea.
Now I feel much better and intend to continue the story with hopefully more frequent updates than before.
