CrazyAcorn: Oh good God... *looks over to Zim, find him staring blankly at the screen with drool dripping brainlessly from his mouth*
The Joker: Hey Zim, why so serious?
Jack O'Lantern: Leave him alone... he just read his latest chapter and is having a miniature freak-out...
CrazyA: Zim? I-I'm sorry about this... just so that you know... Read and review guys.
8. Benny and Betty
Thankfully, Jay and Zim got off lightly with a warning when they got to homeroom.
Oh who am I kidding, it sucked.
"I can't believe that two students would try and cut homeroom…" Miss Dunkers said sweetly. "Because homeroom is just so much fun!! I certainly hope you two weren't trying anything behind those lockers."
"OMFGZ!!" a girl screamed. "They were pashing!!"
Jay rolled her eyes in her seat and hit her head on her desk. "The word is 'snogging' and we were not doing anything of the sort!!!"
Dib just died inside at the thought.
Zim would've died if he knew what the exact meaning was, but he had a basic idea already. So he just tried to keep himself from vomiting at the scary mental images coming into his mind.
And so the rumours began.
"Torque said he walked by and saw the two of them at third base!!" Zita whispered, giggling with joy at the latest batch of gossip-flavoured-brownies.
"Did you catch the bruises on Zim?" Gretchen mentioned. "She must be vicious or something. What a slut!"
"You're telling me!"
Jay and Zim could barely look at each other without blushing, which made matters worse. The rumours flooded everyone, and reached to even the teachers. In science, Mr Slarti had to keep a constant eye on the two of them. In Food Ed., only one of the now-famous pair was allowed into the pantry at a time. And even in maths Ms Fidz forced a third person to join the two of them while everyone else went into pairs.
"This is just pathetic…" Zim spat as they filed into their next class. "Every class just gets worse and worse…"
"It's all Miss Dunkers' fault," Jay added. "If she hadn't caught us then we could be asleep by the lockers right now…"
"FUDGE!!!" screamed the same girl from homeroom. "They've slept together!!"
"NO WE HAVEN'T!!!" they screamed in unison.
The whole room exploded into laughter, and Zim just stared at them all with a twitching eye-ball. Jay looked over to Zim, giving a sheepish smile. "Okay... that was kinda my fault... but I swear, I'll get us out of this, master... I promise!"
Zim just sighed and took a seat at a table, trying to keep calm about this whole situation. Jay sat down next to him, but still keeping her distance from him. She thought it over, again and again, on how she could convince the world that she and Zim weren't a couple... she would be in need of a plan, and a damn good one, too.
"Hey everybody!" said the merry teacher as she walked in. Her smile was too big for her face, and it was a wonder that the rest of her ultra-skinny body could support it. In fact, she was rather shaky from the weight of her own teeth... "My name is Miss Kingslay and I'm your health teacher!"
She said that every freakin' lesson.
"Because of some recent events," she said, looking at Zim and Jay with slightly frustrated eyes. "We'll be moving on from the food pyramid of super-good yummy-ness and onto our next topic!"
Everyone in the class blinked, wondering what the hell was happening now. Miss Kingslay pressed a massive red button on the blackboard and a projection screen came sliding down from the ceiling. A projector emerged from her desk and thick steel shutters fell down the windows and doors, making sure no one could escape from this lesson on...
...SEX-ED.
Readers, you can die now if you want to. No seriously, just feel free to fall to the floor for a couple of minutes and just pretend that this really isn't happening. Or you can read on and wet yourself laughing at the expression of our three amigos during this whole dilemma. Coz if you did, that would mean I didn't waste ages and ages on this chapter. Love, CrazyAcornThe words came up on screen in bright letters, taking up nearly the whole of the board. All the morons of the class started giggling at the first word, but most of them just looked over at Jay and Zim while trying to keep in their laughter. This was going to be hilarious.
Dib, Zim and Jay, however, just slammed their heads on their desks in frustration.
A cheerful song played in the background as a male teenager came onto screen, waving at the camera. "This is Benny Everyguy," said a voice overhead. "He's just turned fifteen and is starting to notice some changes in his body." Benny nodded, and the camera cut to a picture of a naked version of the teen.
The girls swooned and giggled over the eye-candy before them while the boys guffawed and jeered. Jay blushed, hiding her face in her hands but still peeking through her fingers. Dib still had his head on his desk, not wanting to know what was going on around him. Zim was trying his best not to vomit; though he had seen it before in the locker-rooms, male human anatomy was by far more disgusting than a male Irken's.
"Benny is starting to grow hair in rather unusual places, such as under his arms and in his boxers," the narrator continued. Everyone was wetting themselves with laughter at that point. "His voice was breaking more often, and there were pimples growing on his greasy little monkey-face. Benny was going through... PUBERTY." The dreaded word came on screen, covering the fleshy body at last.
"But one thing Benny also noticed was Betty Normalteen, his best friend from primary school," the narrator continued as a girl walked onscreen, completely naked to the camera. Zim's eyes went wide as all the boys wolf-whistled. He looked over to Jay, who looked like she was about to be sick herself.
A boy came up behind Jay and whispered something in her ear, a sick smirk on his face. Jay didn't respond with words, just punched him in the gut and kicked his manhood with 100% bitch-power. When Zim gave a look of question across her way, she merely shook her head. It was better for him not to know.
"Betty had developed breasts and curves during puberty, which Benny found to be quite attractive. So one day, when the two were with each other as just normal, simple friends... Benny decided to have sex with Betty.""Go Benny!!" screamed a group of boys in the corner. Dib fell to the floor, unconscious and exhausted from all this madness.
"So Benny slid his twinkie into Betty's ho-ho and the two of them performed the act of sexual intercourse.""HE F***ING SAID IT!!!!" screamed everyone in the class. Zim and Jay followed Dib and fainted, their faces paler than usual.
Miss Kingslay looked over to the screen and shrugged, getting back to her solitaire. "She's faking it."
"Benny released his sperm, which came in contact with Betty's uterus and she became pregnant with Benny's child," the narrator explained as some mind-disturbing diagrams came onto the screen. Our famous trio looked up at the screen before crashing their faces onto the floor again.
"Usually a pregnancy is usually a beautiful process... but for Betty is was horrible. Since she was only fifteen, she didn't know the miserable PAIN that happened during those agonising nine months!" the narrator yelled as image of a crying, swollen-stomached Betty fell to the floor and sobbed. People all around her pointed and yelled, laughing at her misery.
"What a slut!"The camera cut to Benny, who was hiding away from the crowd looking alone and desperate. "When people found out Benny got a girl pregnant, no one wanted to be with him ever again. His parents shunned him, and he never got another girlfriend again. So viewers, listen carefully. DON'T HAVE SEX. EVER. NOT IN THE CAR. NOT IN THE SHOWER. DON'T HAVE SEX (until you're eighteen.) THE END!!" the video finished with a crackle and Miss Kingslay got up from her seat, standing in front of the class as the shutters and projector hid away again.
"If only she knew!"
"Oh the calamity!"
"So did anyone learn something today?" she asked. She looked over to where Zim and Jay were sitting before, not seeing anyone there. "Anyone seen our two love-birds of the day?" she asked the class.
"Here, Miss Kingslay!" yelled the letter M, pointing at the three unconscious bodies lying on the floor. Miss Kingslay walked over to the bodies and sighed, shaking her head from side to side in a sad and pitiful way.
"I guess they'll be in need of some medical attention..." she said calmly. "Torque and Gretchen, come help me drag these bodies to the nurse."
Torque took Jay by her wrist, her feet and lower-half of her body trailing along the floor and Gretchen (gladly and happily) carried Dib on her back, nearly falling over by the extra weight. Miss Kingslay picked up Zim in her arms, looking down at his sleeping face and shaking her head.
"There's always a couple of fainters..." she said with a sigh.
Zim: After recovering from my brain-dead moment... I have to say this: CrazyAcorn, you're a scary bitch.
CrazyA: Yeah, but you still hang out with me and my man-whores
Jack and Joker: MAN-WHORES?!?!?!?
CrazyA: Did I say 'man-whores'? *sheepish smile and sweat-drop* I meant bestest-buddays.... REVIEWS, PLEASE!!!
