Reflections

Disclaimer: Don't own Lost.

Chapter 8

It was a pleasantly warm evening, but it was fast approaching a humid night. The logs Sayid was carrying scratched at the sand as dragged them over to a spot on the beach near Shannon, ready to build a fire.

"Do you…want to stay here tonight?" Sayid asked haltingly.

Shannon looked up at him, and shyly smiled. Despite what her brother may have said, she liked Sayid, really liked him. He was sweet, and kind, and patient, and more importantly, he was hot.

Boone never thinks I can look after myself. If I stay with Sayid, he will get totally pissed off. Bonus.

"Is that a yes?" Sayid tilted his head, studying her face intensely as he finished tying up the firewood and tightened it with a sharp tug.

"Sure, why not?" She grasped her ankles, and laid her head on her knees, squinting in the low sun.

Sayid smiled.

"Good."

He sat down beside her, sharing the tree trunk to lean on. They sat in silence, until the air was punctuated with peals of laughter and sighs ringing from Sawyer's tent.

"Nice. God, some people are such animals." Shannon spat with disgust.

"Shannon, they are just laughing."

"They are so doing it."

A moan from Kate sounded at Shannon's comment. She raised her perfectly arched eyebrow at Sayid's naivety.

Sayid looked defensive. "I was just trying to be a gentleman and ignore it."

"I think we should move."

"But…"

He looked at the heavy logs he had just brought over, and his face drooped at the thought of having to move it.

"Leave it." Shannon noticed his stare. "It's like a sauna, anyway."

She started to walk off, whilst Sayid stood unsure.

"…And if you get cold, I'll warm you up." The blonde looked at him suggestively, before making towards a spot on the beach a long, long way off.

"…Oh, Sawyer…"

"That's it Freckles, come on now…"

Sayid's mind was made up. He ran after Shannon.

"My ears," he moaned.

"Serves you right."


When Sawyer and Kate emerged from the tent, night had descended. Kate patted her hair self consciously, but the unruly curls, which Sawyer had pulled free from her ponytail, looked as wild as ever.

"Why do we have to come out?" whined Sawyer, in Kate's ear, playfully nipping the lobe, whilst drawing her closer by her shoulder with his hand, which hung gently over it, a casual yet possessive stance.

"Because we were hungry, remember?"

"The only thing I'm a-hungering for is you, sexy."

Kate laughed. "You don't have to talk like that all the time you know. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are! Otherwise we'd still be in my tent."

Kate smirked at him as his stomach rumbled, loudly.

"Time for boar."

"Well, don't you two look like you've just walked out of Oceania High? Shouldn't you have a little more respect?" Boone narrowed his eyes angrily as he stood before the couple.

Sawyer unconsciously stepped in front of Kate. "Respect for what, Metro? And what are you doing out here on the beach, isn't it past your bedtime?" He snarled menacingly at Boone, and though Boone stood his ground, he didn't look as confident as he had before.

"I'm looking for Shannon, actually."

"Sticks? She's way down beach with Captain Falafel. Tell me, boy, why should I have a "little more respect"?" Sawyer made air quotes as he said this.

"For Jack. How could you do this to him?" He directed this at Kate. Sawyer's grip on her tightened.

"You make it sound like this is just to piss Jack off."

"Well isn't it?"

Kate was indignant, but Sawyer even more so. She sensed this and elbowed him sharply before replying.

"No, it's not. And if you haven't anything else to say, I suggest you move along," she responded pointedly.

When Boone hesitated, she added "Now."

With one last glare he set off down the beach. Moments later they could hear him harassing Shannon, who was giving back as good as she got.

"Well that was interesting."

"Told you we should have stayed in my tent."

They wandered over to the camp that was set up unusually far down the beach. They sat on a spare patch of sand next to Claire, who pushed two aeroplane trays full of boar and berries towards them.

"Thank you," said Kate, amazed at the Australian's kindness. "You saved these for us?"

"I wanted to apologise for earlier," Claire smiled good-naturedly at the two. "Although I have to say, I'm glad you came now because I might have eaten them otherwise."

"It's good?"

"Boar is gooood." Sawyer mumbled through a mouthful.

Kate responded by hitting him.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, that's so rude," Kate scolded.

Charlie grinned. "You two are like an old married couple already."

"Takes one to know one," Sawyer snorted into his food, earning another hit from Kate. He scowled at her and she glared back. Claire and Charlie pretended not to hear, and the four of them, Sawyer albeit reluctantly, passed the night away talking. Kate knew Sawyer wasn't a people person and would much rather be having sex with her in his tent, but he was making the effort for her, so she was extra nice to him and decided to make it worth his while later. She was also pleased that Claire and Charlie were making the effort to include Sawyer, knowing they were some of the few people willing to do so. She wanted to show some support for Claire as well, after her whole kidnapping ordeal. She was safe and sound, thank God, but Kate thought it was the least she could do to be a friend to her. She hadn't had female companionship in a long time, feeling more comfortable around men, but there was something about the Australian's sunny attitude that drew Kate in.


It was dark when Sawyer woke up with a start. He carefully dislodged himself from Kate and stepped outside, the clammy air doing nothing to calm him.

A movement to his left startled him, and he spun around to see…Sawyer.

The real Sawyer.

Sawyer pinched himself and rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing properly. The other Sawyer glided off into the jungle. Sawyer ran after him, yelling to get his attention.

"Hey! HEY!"

He finally stopped.

"Son of a bitch I've been looking for you for too long." He tried to punch him, but he could never seem to quite reach him.

"Give it up, "Sawyer". And give her up too." The voice was ghostly, haunting. He knew he'd hear it in his dreams for some time to come.

"Who?"

"You know who."

"Freckles?"

The other Sawyer nodded.

"What? No. Not a snowball's chance in Hell. I'm not giving her up." Sawyer growled defensively.

"You will give her up."

"Make me." Sawyer balled his fists, poised to fight.

"You really think she should be with you? You've never had a proper relationship to save your life!" The voice was ghostly, derisive.

"That's because you took away my chances of a normal life."

"Poor "Sawyer". Cue the violins. But what do you do James? You want to kill me, but I'm already dead. You've become me Sawyer. That means you want to kill yourself."

"Stop twisting-"

"You know it's true. Stay away from her. She will not be yours."

"What?"

"The Others are coming. They will take away that which you love the most." His voice took on a more genial tone, which was nonetheless chilling. "I'm trying to do you a favour, son. You can carry on, but they'll take her. You'll never see her again if they think she matters."

"I don't believe you," Sawyer spat, his heart thumping with the fear that the words were true.

"Then she'll die. After they've raped her, tortured her, after they've turned her into something unrecognisable. You don't believe? It's already happened. The pregnant girl who was taken? Why do you think she can't remember anything? The French lady? Why do you think she's batshit crazy? Do you really want to risk her life, her sanity, her security, because you don't believe me? Her life is in your hands Sawyer."

The ghostly voice faded away, as did the other Sawyer, drifting away into the wilderness. Sawyer rushed after him, but he was gone.

Sawyer stood, panting with adrenaline. He was shaking, his mind spinning. He let out an anguished yell.

Damnit.

He wasn't taking any chances. He knew what he had to do.


Sawyer curled up beside Kate, enjoying the last few hours he would spend with her, holding her, kissing her gently. Kate burrowed into him, making little sighs as she slept on, unaware of Sawyer's inner turmoil. A harsh sob caught him unaware, and he stifled it, scared that he would wake Kate and have to explain why he had a solitary tear running down his cheek. He clenched his eyes together, as he wondered why he had to do this to her.

He wasn't taking any chances.


"…Is that all I am to you? A piece of ass? I've been defending you all day because I believed you when you said that I was the only girl for you and now you're telling me you've had enough? You don't understand feelings at all, do you? Are you totally cold inside?"

"You were wrong about me, Freckles. You know when you asked me my job? I was a con man. That's right sweetheart. I spent all my time sleeping with mugs who wanted danger with sex for breakfast then took all their husband's money right from under their noses. You're right, I don't understand feelings. But I understand the way women work and it didn't take me long at all to get you gagging for it."

"I mean that little to you?"

"You read my letter. My name wasn't Sawyer when I wrote that, but in trying to find Sawyer, I became him. Ain't nothing more dangerous than turning into the person you're lookin' to kill. That's right Freckles. Seen the light? Why don't you go back to your precious Jackass, he'll be the knight in shining armour that you're looking for."

"I don't want Jack. I want you." Her voice trembled slightly but she stood tall.

"Really?" Sawyer said in a low voice, in disbelief that after all he had done, she hadn't walked away.

"Yes. And I know why you're being such a jerk, so stop it."

"There ain't no reason but I'm bored of ya, sweet cheeks. Got what I wanted." His heart was breaking as he said those words, and he could tell hers was too. His heart plummeted as she looked as if she was going to cry. It was like watching a disaster unfold, yet he couldn't tear his eyes away from her heartbreaking beauty. She turned away, and when she turned back her face was a perfect mask.

"Fine. If that's how it is," she muttered.

"Yeah, that's how it is," Sawyer jeered.

"Fine!" Kate shouted.

"Fine!"

Sawyer watched her longingly as she stormed off. If he had known what would happen next, and how long it would be until he saw her again, he would have taken those words back, grabbed hold of her so tightly and never let go of her. But as it was, he didn't, so once Kate's retreating figure was no longer visible he turned and trudged back to the camp, head down, kicking a boulder in anger.

"It's for her own good," he mumbled, trying to convince himself.