AN: Sorry it took longer to update, this chapter was harder to get out than I thought. But it's done, so yea! Thanks to my beta, DreamingPoet1988. You should go check out her page, she's a great author and has had some really interesting ideas!
Disclaimer – I own nothing!
Chapter 8 – When my fist clenches, crack it open
EPOV
Mine. I can't believe he is finally mine. And I am most definitely his. Things are going slow right now, but he needs slow. I will give him whatever he needs, because I need him. I just hope that one day he will open up and show everyone how beautiful he really is. I can't imagine how hard it has been to hide who he is for years. He may be right about his parents and I can understand his reluctance to open up to them, but I'm sure he is wrong about Rose. Hopefully someday soon he will see that too.
It's been a week since Jasper agreed to be with me privately. We've spent almost all of our spare time at his apartment getting to know each other better. He doesn't hold back anymore and I cherish the trust he has in me. I want him to know that he can be himself with me, that I won't judge him.
I still go to the bar every night that he plays. This is as close to being together in public as we have come. The last couple of nights he has come in a little early and had a beer with me before his set, but he makes sure to keep his distance as much as possible. I still appreciate the effort though. Even if it just looks like we are friends, I like knowing that he still wants to be near me no matter where we are.
I spend the time that he is playing sitting at the bar, occasionally talking to Rose if I can manage to look away from Jasper. I know she has seen us having a beer and talking. I've caught her eye when she was watching us. She just smiles and continues working. I wonder if she thinks there is more going on, but she hasn't mentioned anything if she does. Jasper seems happier now. I know that he isn't fixed yet, but he smiles and laughs more. Rose has noticed his changes too. She says she doesn't know what it is, but hopes that it doesn't change because he hasn't seemed this happy in a long time. Hearing her say that made me smile because I know I'm what has changed.
It is pretty hard not to run to him when he finishes his set each night. Jasper is really hot when he plays his guitar and that deep country accent comes out. I am able to control myself though, because he comes to me. It's not to do the things I'm thinking of doing, but it's a step in the right direction. He isn't ignoring me and that's enough for now. I get my fill of him back at his apartment.
I can tell this is hard for him too. He's caught himself lifting his hand to my face once. Another time he touched my arm and it freaked him out, he kept looking around seeing if anyone noticed. It took a lot of convincing him that night that no one saw us and we shouldn't give up just yet.
Tonight though has been pretty tough on my resolve. I swear ever since we decided to start this last week, he has been dressing to get my attention. I never should have told him that cowboys were hot. It could have saved me a few nights of blue balls, but seeing him in a tight red flannel shirt, dark blue jeans that fit his ass perfectly, and cowboy boots is worth it. He has been looking at me a lot more than usual too, occasionally licking his lips purposefully and smirking. I even considered running to the bathroom to ease the tightness in my jeans.
After his set is over he makes his way towards me and sits next to me at the bar. Rose brings him a beer and stops to look between us. He doesn't notice that she is still there because he is looking at me. She winks at me and I don't know what that was supposed to mean so I just ignore it for now and decided not to mention it to him. I don't want him to get worried if he knows that someone is noticing us. When he finishes his beer, he heads out. We make sure not to leave together since he doesn't want anyone suspecting anything.
I wait about ten minutes and go to his apartment. Before he even finishes closing the door, I push him against it and kiss him hard. My hands find their way to his hair and he pulls me by my belt loops crushing me against him. I walk backwards to the couch, pulling Jasper with me. He pushes me down to sit on it, pulling his shirt off and throwing it somewhere on the floor. My eyes roam over his smooth tanned skin. How he stays tanned, I don't know and don't care. He is sexy as hell and I want to touch him.
I'm not so sure if this is a good idea since he wanted to take things slow. We haven't done anything more that kissing since the night he agreed to be with me. I can't bring myself to stop him though, so hopefully he will stop if he thinks it is going too far.
He straddles my lap and pulls my shirt off, throwing it behind him. He sits there for a minute, eyes roaming over my exposed skin. My eyes can't help but do the same, and my fingers reach out to him before I even realize it. I touch his chest first, my fingers trailing down his breastbone. I bring my other hand up and sprawl them both out on his chest. Jasper's eyes close and his breathing starts to pick up. I move my hands up and around his shoulders, down to grab him by his biceps. I use them to pull him against me. I let out a groan when his skin touches mine.
He takes my face in his hands and brings his lips to mine. His tongue finds its way in and tangles with my own. This feels so damn good, but I know I need to make sure this is really what he wants. I try to say his name while he is still assaulting my mouth, when he finally realizes I'm trying to say something he just mumbles "Hmm?" and continues with open mouthed kissed down my neck, sucking a little here and there. It takes me a minute to remember I wanted to ask him something.
"Jasper, are… are you sure… Oh God that feels amazing…. Are you sure you want to keep doing this? Mmmm… I thought you… you wanted to go… Fuck!... go slow." He pulls back to look at me. There is that damn sexy smirk again. "Hmmm, do you want me to stop, Edward?"
"No! Fuck, I mean you don't think this is too fast? I just don't want you to regret this, regret us." I look down so he can't see the pain in my eyes from just the thought.
JPOV
My poor angel, he can't honestly think I could regret him, does he? I've never been happier in my whole life and it's because of him. I push his chin up with my fingers to lift his face back to mine and give him a short sweet kiss. "Edward, I could never regret anything I do with you, I could never regret you. I have only known you for two weeks, and we've only been together for one of them. Yet I have never been happier. I felt so alone before you, and now… now I feel complete. I have someone who I can talk to and not hide from. Someone I can be completely comfortable around and who accepts me for who I am. I know it's going to be hard with my insecurities, but I want this. I want you."
I see a tear slip sliding down his cheek and I lean forward to kiss it away. When I pull back his face is lit up with one of those breathtaking smiles. He is so beautiful, and I am so grateful he is mine. I can't do anything to screw this up. He has shown me what it's like to be accepted for who I really am. I can be myself with him and it's liberating. If I loose him now, I'll loose myself.
"Maybe, we should slow down a little, though. I don't want to mess this up. I really do need you, Edward." He smiles at me again and nods. I kiss him one last time and keep it sweet, trying to convey to him how much he means to me. He pulls back and I know what I see in his eyes are reflected in my own… Understanding, Need, Lust, Love? Maybe, but we aren't quite ready for that. I know things will work out for us. They will because we want them to.
I stand back up and he gets up with me. He watches me while I look around until I find our shirts, grab them, and hand him his. Instead of taking his shirt, though, he takes my hand and pulls me into him. I groan from the feel of his chest against mine again and he chuckles. His other hand comes up to my neck and he pulls me to him for another kiss. It's long and wet, and leaves me breathless. His lips travel to my ear, where he stops kissing me. "Jasper?"
All I can do is make a humming noise to acknowledge him. He chuckles again and pulls back to look at me. "Will you go on a date with me?" What the fuck did he just say? A date? He has to be kidding. I pry myself from his arms and start to walk backwards and away from him. I'm sure he can see the frantic look in my eyes because I can see the look of rejection in his. It hurts that it is there, but he knew how things would be.
"Jasper, wait a second. Please? I understand how you feel Jazz, I do. Just hear me out before you say no." I continue walking backwards until I hit a wall. He followed me, and now he's only a couple of feet away. I can see right into those pleading green eyes. It's so hard to say no to him. I want to be able to give him everything he wants and deserves. I've been able to trust him so far, and he has never given me a reason not to. It couldn't hurt to hear what he has to say.
"Okay. You can tell me your idea." There is that damned beautiful smile again and I can't help but hope I will be able to agree to it. I don't want that smile to ever go away. He takes my hand and drags me over to sit on the couch. I'm looking at him, waiting for him to start. I can tell he is nervous by the way he is chewing on that beautiful bottom lip. I lean into him and pull it into my mouth, running my tongue over it to sooth the damage he was doing. I kiss his fully when I'm done and pull back. "It's ok, babe. Please, tell me."
With a new determination, he looks at me and nods. "Jasper, I would really like to take you out on a date. I want to hold your hand and kiss you and let everyone who sees know you are mine. But I understand that you don't want to take the chance that anyone you know will find out. So I was thinking that maybe we could go out of town for the date. We could make a whole day of it. I know that we both enjoy hiking, and it's been a while since I have been. There are a few places near here that we could hike in during the morning and maybe have a picnic, then go into Olympia to see a movie, walk around the city, and eat dinner. We will be alone while we hike and eat lunch, so there shouldn't be any problems there. And at the movies it will be dark; no one will notice or care if we sit next to each other. Even for dinner, we could find a little-hole-in-the-wall place with hardly any people. It's a little over an hour drive from here so there is little chance you will see anyone you know. You could be yourself. See what it's like to not worry about what others around you think because you don't know them and they don't know you. We could have a lot of fun together, Jazz. Aren't you tired of just holing up in your apartment with me and watching TV or just talking? I want to show you there is more that we can do. We don't have to be confined to just this place."
Wow, he has thought this through. I wonder how long he has been waiting to ask me. My first instinct is to say no, but he deserves for me to think it through. I lean my shoulder into the couch and rest my head against it. He mirrors my position and squeezes my hand. I close my eyes so I can't see him while I think.
The hiking should be fine, and I know we will both enjoy it. It's the part where we are out in the open and being ourselves that worries me. Olympia should be far enough away that no one would know me or even him. Neither of us has any family around here except Rose, and her and Emmett hardly leave town. Maybe it isn't such a bad idea and it would make him so happy.
I open my eyes up to see him, and my decision is made when I look into his eyes. I'll give this man whatever he wants to make him happy. He is willing to go to another city so we can be together as a couple; I should be able to meet him half way. "Yes, Edward. I'll go on a date with you. It sounds like fun." I give him a genuine smile so he knows that I am sure about this. His face lights up and I know I made the right decision. My angel is happy and that is all that matters.
AN: Soooo, what do you think? Thanks for reading and reviewing!
