It's a Jungle Out There
Evelyn drove the Mercedes down Las Vegas. The tiger sleeping on the back seat and Phil, Alan, and Stu sat with her in the front. Evelyn looked over to Stu who felt very uncomfortable because he was sitting in Phil's lap. Evelyn chuckled and went back to looking at the road.
"Hey, guys, when's the next Halley's comet?" Alan asked.
"Who cares, Alan?" Evelyn said sighting she was tired she just wanted to curl up in a warm bed and sleep for like ten year.
"Do you know, Stu?" Alan asked.
"I don't think it's for, like, another 60 years or something." Stu said with a straight face.
"But it's not tonight, right?" Alan asked.
"No, I don't think so." Stu said closing his eyes from annoyance.
"But you don't know for sure?"
"No." Stu said looking out the window.
"I got this cousin who saw one. He said it blew his mind. I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out on a Halley's Comet. So if you guys know if there's gonna be one-" The tiger growled everybody started screaming from fright as Evelyn hit the tunnel's walls. The tiger stretched his paw out and clawed Evelyn on the shoulder.
"Oh, my God!" Evelyn screamed she stopped the car "Fuck it!" she said as she got out cars beeping their horns at them. Then everybody got out of the car.
"Stu! Stu, it got me! Stu!" Evelyn screamed.
"You got clawed! You're bleeding!" Phil panicked at Evelyn's cut. Evelyn closed her eyes from the stinging pain tears rolling down her eyes. Everybody watched as the tiger ripped the seats apart and scratch the leather.
In the end the four ended up pushing the car all the way back to Mike Tyson's mansion. Phil and Stu pushed while Evelyn helped Alan steer the car. Stu ranged the door bell while Evelyn cuddled with Phil. The bodyguard from earlier opened the door and looked at the four.
"You're late." the man said.
"Whatever, man." Phil said rolling his eyes.
"We had to push it the last mile." Evelyn cut in not caring if they were late.
"Come on in. Mike's got something he wants to show you." the bodyguard said stepping to the side to let them in. The lion growled from the car making Evelyn and Phil turn to look at him.
"That thing's out of control, man. Seriously, you gotta put it down." Evelyn said grabbing Phil's hand and walking in the mansion.
"When we got back, we took a look at the security cameras." Mike said. The bodyguard pushed played on the security camera reveling Alan, Stu, Evelyn, Phil, and Doug walking quietly toward the back of the mansion.
"Oh, it's Doug." Phil said relived kissing Evelyn in on the cheek.
"Oh, thank God he's alive. That's our buddy. That's who we've been missing." Stu said grinning.
"We're all best friends." Alan chimed in.
"Why don't you just pay attention? I don't have all night." Mike said rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, of course. Of course." Stu said turning back to the T.V.
In the video Alan is seen walking over to the pool and standing on a rock. He unzips his pants and start pissing in the pool.
"You're gonna overflow the pool, man." Doug said to Alan laughing.
Everybody turned to look at Alan.
"I'm going to, uh, wait outside." Alan said getting up and leaving. Everybody turned back to the t.v.
Back in the video Evelyn is pulling on the tiger's collar then she hands it to Doug laughing. She then take off her high heels and get's on the tiger back⦠riding it and pulled down her dress and bra and turns to flash her tit's at the camera.
"It's Evelyn gone wild!" Stu yelled laughing along with everybody. Stu picked up booth of her tits and started shaking them "My Milk Shake Brings All the Boys To the Yard!" Stu singed. Next their seen putting the tiger in the police car.
Evelyn covered her face in embarrassment and Phil chuckled. Stu just apologized to Evelyn with his face.
"Where you get that cop car from?" Mike asked
"We, uh, stole it from these dumb-ass cops." Stu said.
"Nice." Mike said laughing.
In the video Evelyn is seen giving heads to Phil who is leaning against the trunk of the police car. Evelyn kept on bobbing her head back and forth she pulled away from Phi's shaft as he shot his seed into Evelyn mouth.
"Oh, yeah. Swallow it. Good girl." Phil purred at Evelyn.
Mike turn to look at Evelyn with a grin.
"Damn girl." he said; Evelyn turn different shades of red.
"Oh, my god. I have no recognition of that whatsoever." Evelyn said.
"Don't worry about it, love. Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up." Mike said patting her in the back. They left Mike Tyson house and drove down Las Vegas.
"You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he's kind of a sweetheart." Stu said from the backseat.
"I think he's mean." Alan said also from the backseat.
"All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy." Phil said sitting in the passengers seat.
"Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something that makes sense." Stu said excited from the back.
"We don't have much of a choice. And maybe she's heard from Doug." Evelyn said grabbing Phi's hands and interlocking their fingers as she stopped for the red light.
"That's what I been saying this whole time." Stu said.
"We just need to be completely honest. We need to tell her everything." Phil said kissing Evelyn's hand.
"We don't have to tell her everything. We can leave out the stuff about me marrying a hooker." Stu said.
"Or that I gave you a blow job outside Mike Tyson's house." Evelyn added.
"Just stay focused on Doug." Stu suggested.
"What am I gonna tell my dad?" Alan asked looking at the destroyed car.
"Alan, relax. It's just the inside. Come on. I got a guy in L.A. who's great with interiors." Phil said as they got sideswiped by a black Jeep. They skidded into a netted fence, the Jeep reversed just as a billboard of a stripper fell into the car.
"Oh, Jesus!" Phil grunted, sitting up and checking Evelyn.
"Oh, my God." Evelyn breathed "Are you guys okay?" she turned to ask Stu and Alan.
"What the fuck?" Phil whispered as the chinese guy from earlier came out along with the two guy's from the chapel.
"Get out of the car. Please." the Asian man said.
"Those are the guys that shot Eddie." Alan stated.
"Let's go!" the Asian man gave the guys a signal. They walked over to the passengers side and grabbed Phil pulling him out the window. The other one grabbed Stu and got him out also by the window then Alan.
"Get the girl too." the Asian man said. Evelyn glared at the two built man making them recoil in terror. Evelyn moved over to the passengers seat since she couldn't get out the drivers way. The man Evelyn hit in the nuts with the door reached his hand into the car to grab her, but as he did this Evelyn bit him.
"Yeah if I was you I wouldn't touch her." Phil said with a straight face.
"What are you fools waiting for get the girl." the asian man screamed at them but Evelyn shot them a glare "What? Are you scared of pussy?" he asked. The other man reached over to get Evelyn but she kicked him in the face making him fall back.
"I can get out myself, jackass!" Evelyn growled at them. Evelyn got out threw the window and stood by Phil.
"I want my purse back, assholes." the asian man said threw his teethes.
"What? Your purse?" Phil asked.
"That's not a purse, it's a satchel." Alan said frowning.
"It's a purse. Okay? And you steal from wrong guy." the short asian man said.
"Wait a second, wait a second. We stole from you?" Phil asked holding his side.
"Okay, you know what? We don't remember anything that happened last night so help us out a little here." Stu said.
"Yeah help us so we can help you." Evelyn added.
"Well, apparently you guys met at a craps table late last night. You were on a heater, and he played your hot streak. He ended up winning just under 80 grand." one of the guard holding the satchel said.
"No shit? Eighty grand is nice." Evelyn said chuckling a little.
"Okay, that's good." Stu said.
"He put the chips in his purse, and then you guys took off with it." the guard continued.
"That doesn't sound like us." Phil said putting his arm around Evelyn's neck for support.
"Mine had $80,000 inside. And this one? Nothing." the short asian man said throwing Alan's satchel on the ground and stepping on it.
"Hey, there are Skittles in there." Alan yelled as he walked over to get it, but got punched in the stomach by the bodyguard.
"Ow! Oh, not again." Alan grunted in pain holding his stomach. The little asian started laughing from Alan's pain.
"Don't let the beard fool you. He's a child." Stu said.
"It's funny because he's fat." he said still laughing.
"Now, look, this was obviously a very simple misunderstanding. Alan picked up the wrong purse, it's no big deal." Phil said pointing his finger at the man.
"Okay, if it's, 'No big deal', why, when I come after you guys she starts screaming like crazy and throw me in trunk?" the asian man said looking at Evelyn.
"What, I did that?" Evelyn said surprised.
"Yeah, you said he was your lucky charm, and you want to take him home with you." the guard that had punch Alan said.
"Lucky charm." Stu said starting to laugh with Evelyn and Phil.
"Oh, it's just funny." Phil said still laughing Evelyn nodded her head; the asian man faked laugh with them.
"Fuck you." the Asian man said as he stop fake laughing "If you want to see your friend again, you get me my 80 grand."
"You have Doug?" Evelyn started to get angry. The bodyguard with the goatee banged on the door making muffle sound come out of the Jeep.
"Doug's in the car! Doug's in the car!" Phil yelled. Evelyn went towards the door but the guy with the goatee grabbed Evelyn and slammed her against the Jeep.
"Did you lose your fight?" the man with the goatee said into her ear.
"No, I just found it." Evelyn grunted and kneecapped him in the nuts. Then ran towards the door again but got caught by the other guard then he shoved her into Phil.
"Okay, okay. All right, fine." Evelyn said her eyes watering "What do you want?"
"Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douche bag." the Asian said at Evelyn. Evelyn gritted her teethes.
"Whoa, fucker! We speak English in this country." Phil said as Evelyn said "What?" Evelyn yelled running towards him but Phil grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back "I'll kill him!"
"Look, we're very sorry. But this is an easy fix." Phil said holding Evelyn closed to his hip "Alan, where's his purse?"
"I don't know." Alan said leaning against the car.
"It's in the hotel room, right?" Stu asked him Alan nodded his head.
"Yeah, we can get it." Phil said struggling with Evelyn who still wanted to rip the Asian man apart.
"We can get you the... We can even write you a check right now." Stu suggested.
"No checks. Cash only." the short Asian man said rubbing his thumb and index finger.
"There's a person in there." Evelyn yelled calming down a little.
"Boring." the Asian man said fake yawning and heading towards the car "Take nap. Come on."
"What? Fuck You!" Evelyn said running towards the car again. Phil grabbed Evelyn again before she got them all killed. The Asian man pulled down the window and looked at them.
"Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn. Toodle-oo, motherfucka'." he said holding out the 'a'.
CAESARS' PALACE VILLA:
Evelyn looked around all the room for the crazy Asian man purse as he calls it, but found nothing. She went back into the living room and sat down on the couch her back was killing her all she wanted to do is crawled into bed and go to sleep. Stu lifted one of the couch couching but found nothing.
"Guys, I'm telling you, I looked for it this morning before we left." Alan said coming back into the living room.
"Fuck." Phil said. He looked at Evelyn and saw her tired face he walked over to her and kissed her then sat down "Stu, how much you got in the bank?" Phil asked as Evelyn put her head on his chest.
"About 10 grand. I was gonna use it for the wedding." Stu said sitting down also.
"You're already married, so we're good there." Phil said.
"Besides, enough with Melissa, she's the worst." Evelyn chimed in her eyes starting to drop as Phil ran his hands over her arm gently.
"Yeah, Doug told me she had sex with a pilot or something." Alan said looking under the couch.
"It was a bartender on a cruise. What is wrong with you people?" Stu said rolling his eyes. Alan picked up a slice of pizza from the sofa and took a bite.
"Ew. Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?" Evelyn said sitting up straight and looking at him with disgust.
"Yes." Alan said moving his eyes side to side. Phil put his hands on Evelyn back and pulled her back down towards him making her rest her head again on his chest.
"What are we gonna do? We are so fucked." Phil said letting out a sight he kissed the top of Evelyn's head "Try to get some sleep, love." Phil whispered in her ear. Evelyn nodded her head and closed her eyes.
"Hey, guys?" Alan said.
"Did you find it?" Stu said excitedly.
"Nope. But check this out." Alan said holding out his Blackjack Tips book. Phil smiled at him excitedly and shook Evelyn so she can wake.
"Mmm?" Evelyn said her eyes fluttering open.
"Babe, get ready where going to go gamble." Phil said kissing her lips.
A/N: I apolidge for the late update! Please keep on Reviewing and adding my story to your favorite and alerts:]
