Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. Hope you spent the day celebrating love and the people you love. Here's the next installment. There is a small time jump from the last chapter. Italics are flashbacks.
Thanks so much for reading!
(Eight months later)
The sun is just peaking on the horizon as I pull into my driveway. I should be tired after the simulated training we had just taken part in, part of our unit's continuing preparation for our upcoming deployment. Even though it had been a long night spent in the outdoors running through several grueling scenarios, my mind is buzzing with the prospect of our deployment and I know I need to take a long run in order to take my mind off things. As I throw my Jeep into park, I reach over and give August a gentle punch on the shoulder, stirring him from the sleep he had fallen into the moment we had left the base not even twenty minutes ago.
"We're home. Wake up."
As August groans and swipes a hand up to rub at his bleary eyes, I push open my door and hop down onto the pavement, my nose immediately taking in the crisp scent of the ocean that is just three blocks from our apartment. I close my door gently, hoping to avoid making a lot of noise so that I won't wake Henry, who should still be fast asleep at this hour. I pull open the back door to grab my rucksack and heft it easily onto my shoulder. I grin as August follows suit, although he is yawning widely as he does so. After closing up and locking the car we head into the house, quickly pulling off our boots and depositing the heavy rucksacks by the front door. The house is dark and quiet, and a quick glance into the darkened living room lets me know that Mary Margaret is curled up on the sofa bed, fast asleep.
August and I had been assigned to a military police unit in San Diego, so after spending two months finishing up our specialized training at a base in Georgia, we had packed up our stuff and made the journey out to California, with Henry joining us a week later after we had gotten settled into the house we had rented. August had become like a brother to me in boot camp, and I was immensely grateful that it worked out that we would be stationed together for our first assignment. Plus, Henry and August became the best of friends immediately, and even though I was able to find someone to watch Henry fairly quickly after arriving in San Diego, it was great to have August around to help out with Henry on a daily basis. Mary Margaret had arrived just last week, and I was lucky that she would be able to watch Henry when August and I left for our deployment in three weeks.
Heading into the kitchen, I pull open the fridge and pour myself a large glass of water. Out of the corner of my eye I see August stripping off his uniform jacket as he pads down the hallway and toward his room, clearly heading to get a few hours of sleep right away. After gulping down the cool water I head down the hallway as well, first stopping to peer into Henry's room to check on him. He's fast asleep as I knew he would be, sprawled out on his bed and tangled in his sheets. I can't help but smile affectionately as his camouflage-clad teddy bear is clutched tightly to his chest as he sleeps. That had been a gift from August for Henry's fourth birthday a couple months ago, and he rarely went anywhere without it. Satisfied that Henry is fast asleep and content, I gently close his door and head the rest of the way down the hall and into my room. Not even bothering to close the door behind me, I begin to strip off my uniform, tossing the clothes carelessly onto my bed as I do. After stripping down to my sports bra and boxer briefs, I rifle through my dresser to pull on my workout gear, consisting of a tight tan compression shirt and some olive drab running shorts. I look around my messy bedroom to locate my running shoes, finding one under the bed and one over by my laundry hamper. Pulling them on, I lace them up and tie them tight, before pulling my earbuds from my bedside table and slipping my phone into my pocket.
Mary Margaret is stirring on the couch as I pass by, and I stop to whisper a quiet "good morning" to her which is sleepily returned. Bending down, I press a gentle kiss to her cheek.
"Going for a run. I'll be back in a bit."
She nods and sits up, reaching her arms out to stretch as she does.
"I'll put the coffee on. Breakfast will be ready when you get back." She replies with a yawn.
"Thanks MM. Henry was good last night?"
She smiles. "Of course. An angel as usual."
I roll my eyes at my adoptive mother good-naturedly. Of course my energetic terror-of-a-son was good for his grandmother. If only he could be that good for me on a regular basis. I love my son, but he was too energetic for his own good, and capable of mass destruction, given the opportunity.
"You gotta teach me your tricks sometime." I grin back at her.
Mary Margaret waves her hand dismissively. "Emma, honey, you forget that I've spent nearly thirty years teaching twenty-five first-graders at a time."
I chuckle at her response as I head to pull open the front door. "I'll see you in a bit." With a wave I head outside, closing the door behind me before pausing in the driveway to run through a handful of stretches to prepare my muscles for running. After stretching for a few minutes, I put the earbuds in and scroll through my phone to find my favorite playlist, turning up the volume loudly as I press play. With a gentle exhale, I start jogging at a brisk pace down the street and begin my regular running route down towards the ocean. Since moving to California, I've taken to running on the beach, loving being so close to the ocean and the feel of the sand beneath my feet. Running has become my favorite way to clear my head and to release the stress that comes from the long hours of patrols or manning the entry checkpoint at the naval base we are stationed at. Being in the military has been a strange mix of routine monotony and exhilaration, and although the prospect of deployment and leaving Henry behind was looming, I was excited to get a taste of some actual combat experience, even if the idea was slightly terrifying.
After twenty minutes or so of running at a solid clip on the beach, my muscles are feeling the pleasant burn of exertion. My dog tags jostle against my chest with each step, and I can feel the sweat streaming down my back and soaking into my shirt. Glancing at my watch, I decide that I'm at a good halfway point and turn around and follow my footprints in the sand back to the starting point. Usually, running will calm the turmoil in my brain, but today it doesn't seem to be having that calming effect. The idea of leaving my son behind for another six months seems nearly impossible. The three months I was gone for boot camp was tough, and I knew that being away for twice as long was going to be near impossible. Having Henry here in California was amazing, and I know that I am lucky to be able to spend time with my son no matter how tired I get from the seemingly nonstop training schedule our unit has had as of late. Adjusting to our new military life had been a bit of a learning curve but seeing my son's smiling face every day and getting hugs and kisses from him makes every sacrifice worth it.
As I finish my run and slow to a walk, breathing heavily as I start to cool down, I make my way closer to the water. The sun has risen enough in the sky and is making the ocean shimmer with the first golden rays of the day. It's a sight that I never get tired of, although watching the sun set over the Pacific is an equally awe-inspiring sight as I've come to learn. Still panting slightly, I plop down in the cool sand and look out over the calm ocean, pulling the earbuds out so I can hear the waves breaking gently over the shore. I raise my hand to wipe the sweat from my brow and notice movement to my left. I glance over my shoulder a bit and watch as a dark-haired woman jogs briskly by me, offering a brief smile in greeting as she passes. Something about her athletic build and dark hair makes me think of Captain Mills, and the turmoil begins to build in my head once again.
Regina.
I can't help but sigh as I remember the last interaction I'd had with the dark-haired woman who had kissed me with such intensity in her cabin that day. My mind drifts back to the moment when I first felt her lips on mine.
It's not until I feel her lips pressed against mine that my eyes flutter shut, and my arms are wrapping instinctively around her small waist as I surrender to the feeling of her lips moving sensuously against mine. After a brief moment of surprise I begin to return the kiss, no longer able to deny the attraction I feel toward this woman.
I allow myself to be lost in the feeling of soft lips moving against mine, and after many months of celibacy, I quickly feel my arousal stirring to life once Captain Mills moves her hands slightly, leaving one possessively against the back of my neck while the other one moves to my cheek, her thumb sliding softly against my heated skin. I pull her closer to me without thinking, enjoying the feeling of her warm body pressing against mine as I continue to kiss her. She deepens the kiss and for a moment I let her, her tongue moving in a sensuous rhythm against mine. My brain is in overdrive, both exhilarated at the feelings that are being stirred up by her sinful tongue, but after a moment I also register confusion, and I pull back slightly, effectively breaking the kiss. I am panting slightly and lean in to give her another gentle peck on the lips before resting my forehead against hers.
"What are we doing Captain Mills?" I breathe out shakily. "Not that I didn't enjoy that, but I came here to talk."
She exhales slowly, her breath warm against my cheek as she opens her eyes. "Please, call me Regina. I'm no longer your drill instructor." Her eyes are darker than usual, and she seems to be struggling with something internally. She closes her eyes for a brief moment then pulls back, removing her hand from my cheek to gesture toward the couch. "We should talk. Have a seat. Please?"
I release my arms from around her waist with a nod, following her across the kitchen to the couch, where I drop down and settle against one end. She follows suit, sitting at the other end and angling herself so we can see each other better. My heart is thrumming in my chest, a result of the kiss we shared just moments ago as well as my close proximity to the beautiful brunette sitting across from me.
I smile nervously at her. "So…we kissed."
She smiles in reply, her tanned face blushing in a telltale manner as she raises her hand to smooth back a few hairs and tuck them behind her ear. "We did."
My brow furrows as I struggle to focus on the things I came here to talk about before I was surprisingly (but pleasantly) distracted by my former drill instructor. "H-how long?"
I look over to where Regina has started to fiddle with a ring on her finger distractedly. She twists it around her finger a few times and then looks up again. "If I'm being completely honest, since the first time I saw you."
I swallow thickly as I struggle to consider the fact that she has been attracted to me since day one. "Wait…so all of this was just a way to seduce me?" Anger rises heatedly to my cheeks. "Holy shit."
My thoughts are prevented from spiraling out of control when a tanned hand reaches out to rest on my thigh, causing me to look up into Regina's eyes once again.
"Emma, stop. Please." She says quietly. "I can assure you that our meetings started out with the best of intentions. I would never use my position of leadership in that way, I assure you." She pauses as her thumb begins to stroke gently in reassurance. "When I first saw you, I immediately couldn't deny the fact that you are a beautiful and strong woman. I truly saw potential in you that I felt was being wasted. It wasn't until you came to my cabin for our first meeting and I read your essay about leadership and being a Marine that I got a glimpse of the woman that you are. And I couldn't help but admire the woman you are, and I had to push away those feelings and try and be the drill instructor that I am trained to be. But it was extremely hard to maintain that professional line Emma, especially as the weeks went on and I learned more about you." Regina pauses for a moment, her eyes searching mine earnestly. "When Mendell made those accusations, I was afraid it would be so obvious. I had to step away Emma, for the sake of your career and mine."
As Regina's confession began to register in my jumbled brain, I struggled to come to grips with the fact that my senior drill instructor had apparently harbored an attraction on me for the entirety of boot camp. Of course, I was attracted to Regina as well, but I never once considered that we would be sitting here on a couch discussing the ways in which we had fallen for each other. I shook my head in disbelief, still not believing that this was actually happening. When I came Regina's cabin, I simply wanted to clear the air between us, and I certainly hadn't anticipated the kiss that had happened moments ago. But in all honesty, it was probably the best kiss of my life, and the harsh reality that I was leaving to join my family for my ten-day leave before heading off to continue my training was staring me right in the face.
"I…Regina…I'm leaving." I reach down to take hold of the hand on my thigh, squeezing gently.
"I know Emma." She replies with a wistful smile. "I wasn't expecting to kiss you when you came here today. I don't know what I was expecting exactly, but once I saw you, I needed to tell you how I felt." She looks down for a second at our joined hands. "The timing of this is terrible, I know."
My phone chimes in my pocket, reminding me just how terrible the timing is. I pull it out and check it, finding a text from David, wanting to know where I am and where I should meet them. With a quiet sigh, I pocket the phone again, hesitantly looking up into gentle brown eyes.
"Regina, I have to go. Henry…my son is waiting for me."
Regina drops her head in defeat but raises it again to nod in reply. She gives my hand one last squeeze and stands from the couch, walking back into the kitchen and leaning against the counter as I collect myself and stand from the couch to go collect my duffel bag from where it is propped against the wall by the door. After hefting it easily onto my shoulder I reach out and pull the door open. Just as I'm about to leave, I pause, turning back to take one last look at the gorgeous brunette.
She pushes off from the counter and crosses the distance between us, pulling me into her arms once again. I allow my face to rest against her neck, taking a moment to breathe in the scent that will probably haunt my dreams for the next several months.
"Take care Emma." She whispers. "I'm so sorry."
I pull back, meeting her gaze again for a moment. "Don't be." With a gentle smile, I pull her close again for one last hug, then release her. Just as I turn to leave again, she catches my wrist and pulls me close, leaning in and pressing a lingering kiss to my cheek.
"Semper Fi, Emma." She says quietly, reaching up with one finger to trace along the shiny new insignia on my uniform before she backs away.
My cheek is burning from where her lips made contact, and I know I have to leave now before I lose my will to do so. Adjusting the duffel on my shoulder again, I head outside onto the porch and down the stairs, willing myself not to look back for one last glimpse of my former drill instructor. Once I am several paces away, I hear the door shutting behind me, and I force myself to walk away from the beautiful woman who I'd probably never see again.
As I watch the waves rolling gently against the shore, I can't help but replay those last moments with Captain Mills over and over in my head. I know that we couldn't have pursued anything in those fleeting minutes we had in her cabin after graduation, but I can't help but feel as though I had missed a wonderful opportunity to be with an amazing woman. In the eight months that have passed, I have gone on a few casual dates at the urging of Mary Margaret and August, but I find myself comparing every person to Regina, and that ultimately sets up any prospective relationship to fail from the start.
Just as I start to wonder about where Regina had ended up after leaving her position as a drill instructor, I realize that I need to stop my thoughts from spiraling too far as it is time to head back to the house, now that the sun has risen higher in the sky. Shaking my head to clear the distracting thoughts of a certain brunette, I stand and brush the wet sand from my shorts, heading back to the house to spend the morning eating breakfast and watching cartoons with my son. With the impending deployment, I needed to focus on spending every moment with him.
Three weeks passed quickly, and before I knew it, I was filing off a bus with the rest of my platoon in front of a large hangar at the base as we prepared to board the large C-130 that would take us first to Germany and then Iraq. Tears were prickling in my eyes as I scanned the large crowd of our families and friends that had gathered to say goodbye before we boarded the large grey plane. I quickly located Mary Margaret, who predictably had Henry perched on her hip as he clutched his favorite teddy to his chest. Forcing my biggest smile, I make my way over to them, immediately clutching Henry to my chest as my heart constricts at the idea of saying goodbye to my son for at least six months.
"I love you so much Henry." I clutch desperately at the fabric of his shirt as he clings to me, his face resting in the crook of my neck. "I'll be home as soon as I can, okay?"
Henry clearly senses my emotional state and clings tighter to me. "Don't go mama. I miss you."
My heart breaks as my son pleads with me for a few more minutes not to leave him, and I can't help it as tears begin to stream down my face. Closing my eyes, I rest my cheek against the crown of his head. "I'm so sorry Henry. I have to go. Mama and Uncle August need to go take care of the bad guys." I press a kiss to the crown of his head and pry him back so I can kiss his sweet little cheeks a few last times. "I love you Henry. Be good for Grammy, okay?"
Henry sniffles and nuzzles against my neck again as he nods in reply. I know I need to pass him off and go gather my belongings and head to board the plane. I kiss him one last time and pass him off to Mary Margaret who is also crying.
"You come home safe Emma." She pulls me in tightly the best she can with Henry in her arms. "Promise me you'll come home safe."
I wrap my arms around my adoptive mother and promise her that I will do everything in my power to come home safe. "I love you mom."
She pulls back with a teary smile. I don't call her mom often, but in this moment it felt right. She pulls me in for one more desperate hug as our unit commander calls for us to wrap it up. I give Mary Margaret and Henry a kiss on the cheek each and try and steady myself as I attempt to wipe away the tears on my face.
"I love you both. I'll call as soon as I can."
It takes every ounce of effort in my body to walk away from my son, knowing full well that I will be in a war zone and putting myself in harm's way for the next six months. I knew that the first deployment was going to be tough, but nothing prepared me for the crushing feeling in my chest as I turned my back and walked away from my crying son and Mary Margaret. As I make my way to pick up my fully-loaded rucksack and duffel containing my belongings for the next sixth months, August falls into step beside me, wrapping his arm around me and giving me a comforting squeeze.
"You okay?"
"Not really." I reply, leaning down to pull the heavy rucksack over my shoulders. "It's going to be a long deployment August."
He shoulders his own rucksack with a quiet grunt. "Yeah, it is." He reaches out to hand me the duffel labeled "Swan." "At least we get to do this together."
"True." I take the bag from him and shoulder it with a grimace. We walk across the tarmac towards the large plane, falling into silence as our combat boots slap against the hard surface. As we wait in line to board the plane, I glance around, realizing that this will be the last time I am on American soil for six months. Steeling myself for the epic journey ahead, I take a large breath and exhale slowly, before setting foot on the metal boarding ramp and accepting my fate.
The next twenty-four hours are a blur. I sleep fitfully as the earplugs we have been given don't do much to drone out the noise of the plane's loud engines. After a relatively calm flight, we land at a base in Germany to stretch our legs for a few hours as the plane refuels. The atmosphere is tense as we load back onto the C-130. We know that we are now headed directly into a war zone where we will be staying for the immediate future. The gravity of the situation has definitely hit me, and I am emotionally and physically exhausted. As the plane rumbles down the runway and into the sky, I pull out the picture of Henry that I have stashed in my pocket, just as I had at boot camp. He is my motivation for all of this. I give the picture a quick kiss and place it back into my pocket. Adjusting my rucksack behind me, I lean back and attempt to get some more sleep as the plane continues to ascend to cruising altitude.
A handful of hours later I am jostled awake by one of the platoon officers.
"Wakey wakey Swan. Buckle up, we're about to land in Baghdad." He gives me another gentle shake before moving down the line to wake up the rest of the guys.
Holy shit. I was about to land in a war zone. I get up from my makeshift bed and pull out my Kevlar vest and helmet from where they are strapped to my rucksack. My heart is pounding as the adrenaline begins to course through my veins and I make sure my vest and helmet are properly secured on my body before settling down in one of the seats in the center of the cargo bay and strapping in for the rest of the descent. The rest of the guys begin to follow suit as the plane makes several sharply banked turns as it prepares for approach, and after a few moments we are all strapped in and riding the waves of adrenaline as the realization hits us that we are now officially on deployment.
About ten minutes later the plane jolts as it touches down on the runway. I take a glance at my watch to get some indication of what time of day it is. The plane taxis for a few moments before coming to a stop, and we wait for the order to get out of our seats before standing up and collecting our belongings and filing into a line to await the ramp being opened so we can exit the plane and get our first glimpse of Iraq. The ramp slowly lowers, and we are greeted with darkness as we have landed in the middle of the night apparently. It's warm, as one would expect from the desert, and I can feel the sweat beginning to trickle down my back underneath the full weight of my loaded rucksack, the Kevlar vest, and helmet. As we file off the plane, I can hear gunfire in the distance, and I momentarily second-guess my decision to join the military. August catches up with me, and we exchange exhausted grins even though the nerves are causing my stomach to roll considerably. We walk across the tarmac feeling the heat radiating into the soles of our boots as we follow the crowd toward one of the large tan hangars set up along the edge of the runway. I glance around, trying to get a feel for the surrounding area, seeing several squat military buildings gathered in clusters. The base is enclosed by large cement walls and is actually fairly large. This base is used as a launching point for several other bases in the middle east and there are several different types of aircraft parked over the spacious airfield waiting to transport troops to various areas. A bead of sweat makes its way down my face and I sigh as I realize that this is likely going to be the norm for the next several weeks, if not months. Our unit was going to be staying at this base to get familiarized with operations in the area for the near future, although the plan was to join up with a few other combat groups at another base in Afghanistan.
"Alright guys, listen up!" Lieutenant Humbert, our platoon leader calls out. Graham was a good guy and we all respected him and his laid-back command style. "Let's get organized and then we'll give out bunk assignments and you guys can hit the rack for a while. It's been a long couple of days, but let's get through the basic stuff so we can all get some sleep."
Our platoon gathers around and listens as Graham goes over some of the basic safety items that need to be addressed now that we are in an area of potential conflict. He tells us a basic timeline of the next few days which will be spent getting acclimated to this new base before we jump into specific training for our upcoming missions in Afghanistan. He thankfully keeps it short and sweet and before long he is calling out bunk assignments and dismissing us to get some much-needed rest. Unlike boot camp they separate us by gender, so I head over to one of the designated women's bunks to find my room and settle in. As I follow a few of the other women from my platoon I can't help but try and wrap my mind around the fact that I am actually here in Iraq. So many months of preparation had gone into this deployment, and while it felt good to finally be here after the buildup, there was a certain level of apprehension given the potential for danger. Pushing open the slightly primitive plywood door to the women's barracks, I follow the narrow hallway to room 104, where I will be spending the near future. The accommodations are functional if nothing else, a fact that I realize as I take in the slightly ramshackle hallways and worn doors. Stopping in front of my door, I glance around and watch as my fellow soldiers enter their assigned rooms and disappear from view. Reaching out, I pull open the door, fumbling around on the wall for a second as I attempt to flip on the lights. I deposit my duffel with a groan as the lights flicker on.
Just as I am depositing my rucksack onto one of the empty bunks, I hear a quiet groan from the bunk across the narrow room.
"Sorry." I call out quietly. "I'll turn it back off in a minute." With my back to the room, I lean over to open my rucksack and pull out my toiletry kit before rifling around at the bottom for a fresh t-shirt and shorts which would be sufficient for sleeping in. Straightening up, I turn to ask my roommate to point me in the direction of the bathroom.
As soon as I turn around, I drop my toiletry kit in surprise. Standing a few feet away, sleep-mussed and blinking sleepily, is none other than Captain Regina Mills.
