Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.


Chapter Seven: Bella POV

"No, she's not." He paused, but the relief I felt wash over me, knowing he was not bound to another woman, only lasted a moment before he spoke again. "But really Bella, what does it matter? What good does it do to talk about any of this?" He threw his arms up in the air, creating a distance between our bodies that I hated.

"It matters Jake because I want you to know… I need you to know that… that I…" I stopped, unsure if this was the right time to tell him that I loved him, that leaving him behind like that was the worst mistake I ever made, wondering if he would even care if I did tell him.

"It doesn't Bella, it doesn't matter. Even if you had said goodbye to me, would my begging you to stay made any difference? I tried that once before. I begged you to stay with me, to be with me, and you went off to Italy anyway. You just went off to be with someone else, and came back an acted like whatever we had between us was… nothing. And that's exactly how you left the second time, like there was nothing between us. So please, explain to me how my not being imprinted to Liv makes any difference?" He shrugged his shoulders, and just shook his head.

"If I could go back, to change it all, I would. I would have explained to you why I needed to leave, and I would have said goodbye, but, you're right, I still would have left." I walked close to him again, and placed my hand to his cheek. He tensed at first, but then slowly relaxed and pushed his face into the palm of my hand, closing his eyes. "I would have left because I needed this time away to grow up, to realize how many mistakes I was actually making."

He opened his eyes slowly, deliberately looking past me at first, and then meeting my eyes. "What mistakes were you making?" He whispered, his warm breath dancing across my lips.

"Not choosing you in the first place. Not realizing what was right in front of me until it was too late." I whispered out as well, edging my lips even closer to his. I so wanted him to kiss me.

"And it's too late now?" He asked in nothing but a whisper again, his bottom lip actually touching mine as he spoke the words, sending a current of pure electricity through my body, and a shiver down my spine.

"I think that's a question that I should be asking you." I took my hand down from his cheek, and leaned my face up towards him. Jacob brought both of his strong rough hands up from his sides, placing one on the back of my neck and the other to brush a stray hair from my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. I closed my eyes, and held my breath, waiting to feel the warmth of Jacob's lips against mine. He gripped the hair at the nape of my neck in his fist and pressed his forehead against mine. And I waited. And I was waiting for nothing.

"We can't do this. I can't just let this happen." He spoke near my lips. I opened my eyes and looked to see all the hurt and fear Jacob was wearing starring back at me.

"But Jake…"

"No, Bella." He took his hands off me, and took a step back away again. "I can't just let you come back and… and just act like things are alright between us… because they're not."

"Tell me what to do Jake. I'll do anything to make this better." I begged, walking towards him, only to have him walk further away from me.

"Unless you can erase all the pain, all the torture, that I have felt the past four years, then, there is nothing that you can do right now." He turned away from me, wringing his cropped hair through his fingers. "Come on. We need to get back to the bonfire." I opened my mouth to try to protest, but I shook my head in agreement instead, knowing that I would not be able to put up any sort of fight.

Jacob walked ahead of me the entire way back. He never spoke, never looked back at me once. When everyone noticed we had returned they all went silent again, and starred between the two of us. I quickly went over to Charlie, with tears in my eyes, and begged him leave. After he saw how upset I was, it honestly did not take much to convince him. I grabbed Cass by the forearm; she was standing closely between Seth and Brady, and told her it was time to go. We all left, and drove in silence back to Forks.


"Bella, just because he didn't kiss you, doesn't mean he didn't almost kiss you, ya know? That means there is serious potential there for the two of you to eventually be able to kiss and make up." Cass said with a smirk as she pulled on a t-shirt to sleep in.

"You didn't see the way he looked at me. You did not hear the way he spoke to me, didn't see the way he practically just dismissed me completely. The damage is done, and I don't think there is any way to repair it." I slumped into my bed and threw the covers over my head, I just wanted to hide and never come out.

I felt the bed shift to my right side as Cass came and sat down next to me, uncovering the blankets from my face. "Miss Isabella Swan, I refuse to let you give up that easily. You might not have seen it, but I certainly saw the way that boy looked at you as you practically dragged me to the car. He looked like he was about to run after you and swing you around in the air or something, declaring his love for you. Jacob still has it bad for you, so, stop thinking it's just over and done with."

"What more can I do? I told him I regret the things I did. I told him it was a mistake not to have chosen him in the first place. Please tell me what else I can do?" I was pleading with her, because honestly I wanted someone to be able to tell me how I could fix everything between Jacob and me.

"You beg, you grovel, you… I don't you, you get on your hands and knees and tell him over and over again how sorry you are until you're blue in the face."

I looked at her for a moment, brows furrowed, eyes pinched tight. I doubted that just telling him how sorry I was would make any bit of difference. She shrugged and moved to lie down on the mattress on the floor. "You think that will really work?" I asked, hope in my voice.

"Hmm… maybe… eventually. It'll take time, and maybe if you're in a low cut shirt and a tight skirt when you're doing all that hands and knees begging," I tossed a pillow at her head to stop that direction of thought, and for the first time today I got to laugh. I laughed, maybe slightly manically, until my sides hurt, and we were both breathing heavily, tears drenching our faces.

"Oh, my goodness…" I panted out, "I'll do the begging, maybe the low cut shirt, but no skirts!"

"Okay, okay, no skirts, just don't hit me again." We laughed for another moment, and then both sighed and sunk into our beds. "Alright, sleep is imperative right now. This has been one crazy long ass day. I promise we'll figure this out Bella, but tomorrow is a new day." We said our goodnights and I closed my eyes, hoping that I would actually get a decent night sleep.

Just as exhaustion was about to over take me, I heard the sound of a wolf howling in the woods near my house. It didn't sound distressed or in danger, the sound was sad and upset. I knew it was Jacob, and I cried myself to sleep, wishing I could take away all the pain that I had caused him.


"Bella! It's wakey uppy time!" Cass was yelling out, jumping on my bed, and jostling me all over the place. I looked up at her through sleepy eyes, and the look I gave her made her instantly stop and stand still above me.

"You are such a child sometimes." I practically growled out.

"You love me. Now, come on, take a shower, put on a bathing suit and some shorts, and let's go!" Her enthusiasm was completely lost on me, because I was in no way hearing her correctly.

"Why in the name of all that is holy, would I want to put on a bathing suit?" I flopped my head back down onto my pillow and closed my eyes, hoping she would just disappear or something. I had a horrible night sleep, which was not unexpected. My dreams were invaded with the words Jacob spoke to me, and the looks that he gave me the night before.

"Um, because we're going to the beach, that's why! It's like ridiculously nice out, which I'm guessing is seriously rare around these parts." I dared to open one of my eyes, and peaked towards my window. It was sunny, which she was right, was rare. I sighed and sat up as she jumped off the bed and walked to my window to open it up fully. The balmy summer air that flowed in and covered my skin reminded me so much of Florida, and nothing like rainy Forks, Washington. Cass was bouncing on her heels shaking her head as to tell me to agree to her beach plans.

I gave her a bit of a sideways glance, the last place I really wanted to go again was back to La Push, but it really would have been a waste of such an unusually nice day to not go to the beach. "Ugh, fine, let me get ready."

"Yay!" She squealed out while clapping her hands. I couldn't help but smile at her, her light hearted attitude towards life never ceased to make me feel even the slightest bit better.

Charlie was still sleeping when we left, so I made him a quick and healthy breakfast, wrapped it up, and left him a note letting him know where we'd be all day, and how long to reheat his food.

We took Cass's convertible for the drive down, and with the top down, music blasting, we sung horribly along together to some god-awful pop songs. It was nice to let go for a little while, to just enjoy acting silly and smiling… that feeling however, like so many things lately in my life, was short lived when we pulled up to the beach.

"Ooooh, some of the boys are here!" Cass was wearing a wicked look, and I knew that I had just lost her for the rest of the day. She would now certainly be spending her time flirting with the Pack guys, and I became extremely grateful that I remembered to grab a book before we left. I figured that some of the guys would wind up being here, so I had prepared myself for at least that. I just hoped that Jake would not show up, and have to go through a repeat of last night.

We walked in the sand until we found a spot to lie out near the water's edge. Living in Florida for so many years finally gave me an appreciation for a tan, and I was actually a little excited that I would be able to soak up some sun for a few hours.

Cass was in a silvery metallic, barely there, bikini. The second she pulled off the clothes she was wearing to cover her suit, the guys stopped, and stared hard at her with their jaws pretty much on the floor. "Getting a good look boys?" She yelled out, and they all tried to look in different directions, acting nonchalant.

"You're horrible." I laughed out and rolled my eyes at her. I pulled my T-shirt over my head, and slipped my shorts off. I was in a black bikini, that covered a bit more skin then Cass's did, and lay down on the towel I had put down.

"Eh, whatever." She shrugged, put on her sunglasses and sat down next to me. "You know, it's probably a good thing that Jacob isn't here right now." I sat up on my elbows and looked at her curiously, waiting for her explanation. "Oh Bella, so naïve - Because of the way his friends keep looking at you, duh." I glanced over to where Paul and Jared where throwing Seth and Brady into the water, and did in fact catch Embry and Quil starring at me, and then quickly looking away when they were caught.

"They're looking at me like that because Jake is their best friend, and they probably want to tell me off or something." I lay back down and rolled over onto my stomach.

"Oh they want to tell you something, that's for sure. Like how fabulous your ass looks right now." She laughed and rolled over as well.

"You do realize, again, that they can hear you even from way over there!" I tried to use a hushed whisper, but my voice was a little louder then I wanted it to come out.

"Bella, you telling this girl Pack secrets?" Quil yelled out, and I looked up to find Embry and him walking towards us with big smiles plastered across their faces. Crap.

"Aw, why all the secrecy boys? Don't you want to impress me with your mad werewolf skills?" Cass joked, and flirted, with them as they sat down in the sand next to us. I suddenly became self-conscious, realizing just how little I really was wearing now that they were in such close proximity. I sat up and pulled half of my towel over my lap.

"So you told her everything?" Embry asked, voice stern, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"Well…" I hesitated, I knew I shouldn't have told Cass about the wolves, that it was a secret I was expected to keep, but I wasn't really sure if they were actually just messing with me, or if they really would be mad that I had told her. "Yeah, kinda." They both looked at me for a moment like they were going to ream into me, and as I sunk back, scared and awaiting the wrath, a smile crept on their faces, and they busted out into a fit of laughter.

"Oh my god, the look on your face Bella, priceless." Embry managed to get out as he fell back in the sand clutching his sides, the laughter showing no signs of subsiding.

"Seriously girl, loosen up. A lot of people from the Res have been let in on the secret the past few years. It's kinda obvious that we're not ageing." Quil said as he scooted closer to Cass, throwing his arm around her shoulders.

"And it's not like I'm going to go around telling people. Don't need everyone looking at me like I'm certifiable." She replied as she stood up and brushed sand off her. "I'm gonna go for a swim."

"That water is freezing Cass!" I exclaimed.

"I can help keep her warm." Seth bellowed out towards us as he walked out of the water. Brady ran after him and tackled him back into the water.

"Not if I get to her first!" He screamed, and the two of them began wrestling, both in and out of the water.

"Come on Quil, you'll protect me from all those big bad wolfs won't you?" Cass batted her eyes at him and held out her hand for him to take. I was going to need to remind myself later to tell her that he was imprinted already to Claire, to save her that heartbreak. He took her hand though, and they walked over to where Jared was trying to separate Seth and Brady.

At first, I was too afraid to look at Embry, but chanced it anyway. He had stopped laughing and had now situated himself to sit in front of me. "Soooo." He dragged out the word, and I could literally feel the tension in the air. "Um, you talked to Jake last night huh?"

He probably already knew all about it if he had phased at the same time as Jake at all since then, but I figured I would humor him anyway. "Yeah, it's was great." I said in a solemn and completely sarcastic tone.

"Yup, I caught on that it didn't really go all that well." We both just nodded. "He'll come around Bella. Just give it time." He brought his hand to touch my shoulder in a comforting manner, and the warmth that soaked into my skin from his just made me feel worse; that kind of heat will always remind me too much of Jacob.

"I don't think he will." I looked down at my hands in my lap. I could feel the tears begging to escape.

"You don't get to see inside his head like I do." We both let out a low, almost sad sounding chuckle. "He wants to forgive you, he's just being stubborn."

"Cass told me I should beg, hands and knees and all that." I looked up to him and with a bit of a smirk on his face; he shrugged his shoulders, and nodded his head.

"It couldn't hurt." He agreed. "Anyway, I should get going, I have to pick up patrols in a few minutes." Embry stood, wiping the sand off his shorts, and I stood as well and hugged him. He was leery at first, probably confused why I was hugging him, but then wrapped his arms around me, and I let my mind imagine it was Jacob enveloping me in the fire-ridden cocoon.

"Thank you for being so nice to me, after… after everything." I said, and he lightly pushed me off his chest to look me in the eyes.

"Anytime." Was all he said as he started to walk back up the beach. He stopped though after half a minute and whipped around, "Oh, just to warn you, Jake is going to be here any minute." He winked at me and with an evil grin, turned back around, and ran up the beach until I couldn't see him anymore. Crap again!


"Cassandra!" I called out frantically after I stood like an idiot starring at where Embry had just disappeared. I needed to leave. Right. Now. We needed to get out of here before Jacob showed up. I started throwing all of our stuff in bags, freaking out, and just winding up dropping everything because my hands were shaking so badly.

"Where's the fire Bella? In some sort of rush to get out of here?" I froze, bending down with my hand around a suntan lotion bottle, my butt up in the air. Jacob. Seriously? Just, crap, crap, crap! I looked like a complete fool.

"Um…" I didn't look up at him, I didn't dare.

He laughed lightly, "Um is always such a good answer." I stayed still, eyes on the ground. After a moment of silence, I looked up and found Jacob not standing in front of me. I quickly darted my eyes all over the beach and finally spotted him sitting down in the sand down by the water. I also noticed that Cass was not here anymore. That no one but Jacob and I were.

This was a set up.

How or when Cass and the guys had time to set this up, I have no idea, but there was no doubt in my mind that getting me and Jacob here, and then suddenly having us be alone, was set up by them somehow.

I did not know what to do. Do I just go back to the car and wait for Cass to show up? Do I sit here and hope Jacob comes back to talk to me? On the other hand, do I take the initiative, start the groveling process now, and go over and talk to Jake? Yes. This was on me. I had to be the one to go to Jake and beg for the forgiveness that I so utterly did not deserve.

I walked slowly over to him, and though I knew he could hear me, he never looked towards me. I sat down next to him, brushing my bare leg against his. He didn't move, and stared straight ahead. "So, are we going to make a habit out of never making eye contact with one another?" I asked, and Jacob snorted.

"Seems like that doesn't it?" He took a moment, then finally met my eyes, and actually smiled at me. The sun that was shining down on us did not even compare to light he gave off. Even after all this time, he was still my light in the darkness. Jacob would always be the air that I needed to breathe in just to survive another day.

"Jacob… I am so, so sorry."

"I know you are Bella."

"Do you think you can ever forgive me?"

"I hope so."

"There is just so much that I want to say," I shook my head and dropped my gaze from him. "I just don't know how to say any of it. I don't know how to say it, and make you believe it, to trust that it's the truth."

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you.
By now, you should've somehow realized what you gotta do.
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding.
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how.
*

Jacob brought his hand under my chin and tipped my face back up to look him in the eyes. I expected him to drop his hand, but he left it there, and it burned right into my soul.

"Why don't I just accept your apology first?" He said with a slight smile.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness, I never will." I tried to look away again, I wanted to hide the tears that were flowing freely now, but he held my face steady in front of his, wrapping his other arm around my bare back and pulling me closer, and on to his lap.

He brushed his hand up, wiping away my tears with his thumb. "Everyone deserves forgiveness Bella, even you… Things are different now though, we're both different people then we use to be."

"What are you trying to say?" I tensed, worrying that the words he spoke next would be the end to any possibilities we might have.

"We can't just go back, we can't just pretend like nothing happened. We've both been through a lot and we've both grown up a lot, but to think we can have whatever it was that we use to have again between us is just childish." He said solemnly, as if the words he was saying were forced, and not his own. He released his arm from around my back and took his hand down from my cheek, but I stayed on his lap, it was the only place I wanted to be.

"Can't we start over instead of going back? Start from right now, just like this, just you and me?" I asked with hope lacing each of my words, leaning my chest against his.

"Bella, you know there is no starting over. There is no way for us just to forget everything that has happened in the past." He moved me gently from his lap back to the sand, and stood up slowly. "I am glad that you're back though, and I hope you plan to stay for a while, because..." He paused, and for a moment, I thought he was going to tell me he wanted me to stay because maybe, someday soon, we could figure this out between us, "...because Charlie is a complete mess when you're not around, so… you should stick around for a bit, for him that is." I stared at him for a moment, I looked deep into his eyes, and he looked back into mine.

"Is that the only reason you think I should stay?" I asked, and he took a minute before he responded, a sly smile crept across his lips.

"And, maybe, if you stuck around, we could try to be friends again. We can't start over, but who knows what the next few months will hold," He winked at me, and before I could respond, he was running down the beach, and out of my line of sight.

To be continued...


* "Wonderwall" by Oasis