Chapter 8. It's been three years. I was better after two, but I stayed for a third because I was scared. This place I'm at, it's safe. I was beaten up, I was coddled, and I was yelled at. I've tested myself …they've tested me …I'm ready physically and mentally. I've had therapy and closure with my father's death. I've realized how much I loved my sister and Aiden and especially Spencer.
I'm one hundred percent ready to be out on my own, but that doesn't make me not scared. I was put out on my own for a little while, they made me re-try every substance and drink every liquid and I sat in wait. The high of the cocaine left my body and I felt disgusted, I never wanted to do it again. They made me smoke weed, I felt terrible. It did nothing for me. I smoked a pack of cigarettes and threw up …never …again. I drank vodka and slammed tequila shots and couldn't make the headache feel better in the morning and realized I didn't like any of it. I hated all of it.
I can actually walk on the strip and not hate myself and everyone around me. I can look at a picture of my mother and not wish for her cruise ship to sink. I can think about Kyla, Aiden, and Spencer and finally understand that what I did was right.
I doubted my decision for a year and it's now been three. I'm ready to see my family again. I'm ready to see everyone. They should be in college now, sophomores. I hacked King High's school website and found out they all ended up attending UCLA. I've been accepted into the university as a junior. In this place, education doesn't wait. You take classes and therapy. I've picked up music again and have learned a ton about computers. Hence my hacking abilities and am going into UCLA's music program. I've got the damaged past of a successful songwriter and am ready to let it out.
I'm standing on campus right now. My apartment is half empty and my heart is racing with anticipation. Classes start in exactly five days, but the campus is buzzing with life. I have Kyla's dorm room number and what hall she's in. I'm shaking.
I found the building and have walked in behind a student with a card permitting their entrance. I'm scared, so scared. Third floor. Second hallway. Fourth door on the right. Room 328 in Stevenson. My hand comes up to the door and I knock. It's loud in the hallway and I wonder to myself if she can hear my knocks.
I wonder to myself if I look different. I'm wearing van's slip-ons …I've always worn vans or flip-flops. My jeans are tight, not skinny jeans though …that's only slightly changed. I don't own skinny jeans any longer. My white v-neck matches my white shoes. A yellow and green bracelet made by a little girl I met a year ago remains tied around my left wrist. A lip ring still sitting in my lip. My hair hasn't changed. Old school 80's shades sit on my head. Those are kind of new. They're yellow and stand out from my tan skin and dark hair. I have a tattoo as well, very visible on my arm.
I didn't notice the door open and the person staring at me. "Can I help you?" I looked up with surprise, this was a boy. Not my sister. "Does Kyla live here?" The guy nodded. "She stepped out for a minute. Come in, she'll be back in a second."
I stepped inside her room and noticed the two beds. The guy stuck his hand out to shake mine, "I'm Chris." I shook it back …I'm friendlier these days. "Ashley." He nodded and looked around. "So how do you know Kyla?"
I laugh a bit and ran my fingers over a picture of Aiden, Kyla, and Spencer on their senior trip. "I'm her sister." He looked at me, shocked. "She never mentioned a sister. I'm Kyla's boyfriend. We've been together for a year now." I nodded acknowledging his comment. "What happened to Aiden?"
"They broke up in high school they said. I don't know much about their relationship. Do you know their friend Spencer?"
I nodded. "We've met."
He smiled, "She's sweet. She lives here too. With Kyla, they're like inseparable. Best friends to the extreme. I still can't believe she never mentioned a sister though."
I nodded. "I'm not someone people would bring up in conversation. I just got back …from a hiatus of sorts. Attending the music program here as a junior as of late. Should be an interesting reunion."
Chris was curious, it was obvious. "How long has it been since you've seen her?"
"Three years."
He nodded, "My mom left when I was in high school. Similar in a way, I guess. She told me her Dad died when she was in high school and her step-mother was absent. Similar in the way of having no one around, but some friends to help you out. …Do you regret leaving?"
I shook my head, "Not for a second."
Silence ensued and the door opened. I stood up straight from my broody looking position leaning against dresser between the two beds. Three girls walked in and two dropped all the bags in their hands. Kyla was the first to speak, "Ash?"
It took a second for her arms to be thrown around my neck. I hugged back just as tight. Tears were in her eyes as she spoke, "Are you back?"
I nodded, not one for crying. "I'm back. Attending UCLA, honors music program." She smiled so wide and then looked at Chris. "Well, um …this is my boyfriend Chris."
"We've met." I looked at the blonde to their left. Spencer looked absolutely beautiful. She was shocked, I could tell. "Hey."
She didn't say anything. Just hugged me. "How have you been?"
Spencer nodded, "Rocky for the first six months. It got better, but …your back?" I nodded. "And you're clean?" I nodded, "For all three years. I could have come back after two; hell I could have some after one …treatment wise. I wasn't ready mentally."
She nodded; the tension between us was obvious. "Are you dating anybody?" She smiled, "How did I know you'd ask? No, I'm not. Still kind of stuck on this girl from high school, you know. I've dated here and there …but I always compare it to what I had back then. It falls apart."
"I'm sorry." And I truly was. "Can we start over? I know we can't just go back to what it was like right before my Dad died. Things were good then, and it all spiraled out of control. But we can rebuild a friendship …and see where that takes us?"
Kyla rolled her eyes looking at her other friend who was very confused. Chris was the most confused and Kyla sighed, "Seriously? You act like that's what's going to happen. Just fucking kiss her already."
I laughed and Spencer smiled before she kissed me. It was like all my fears about coming home and all my past mistakes just dissolved. "It really wouldn't have ended up happening like that anyway. Who are we kidding? I'm still in love with you, none of that's changed."
It'll take awhile for me to fully reconnect with my sister and my friends, but eventually we'll all be able to get back to where we left off.
That's when I realized ...things do happen for a reason. If I wouldn't have gone off the deep end I wouldn't have seen how bad my partying was and if I hadn't gone to rehab then I'd still be messed up …or dead. My mistakes and decisions had made my relationships with all my friends stronger after going through that painful year and a half.
Everything …everything happens for a reason.
