Part Eight

Arizona
It's kind of unusual to have an ultrasound scan when you're thirty two weeks pregnant, but, under the circumstances, Dr Ryan agreed to see us. Ellie and Matt are desperate to see the baby and I want to do everything I can to make this process as natural as possible for them. I want them to feel like they're in control of this situation. The baby is theirs, after all.

In the past six weeks, we've hung out a lot. I don't know if that's normal, but it's just what feels right to us. I've even been to their house to see what the nursery is like... It's sweet; jungle themed and colourful. Ellie is a Kindergarten teacher who swears by early childhood development opportunities. She has picture books lining the shelves ready to read to the baby from day one. Matt's excited to get the child into music. In the corner of the nursery stands his guitar and a pile of sheet music for gentle lullabies.

The more I find out about the couple, the more I feel as though I've made the correct decision in choosing them to raise this child. They seem like kind and genuine people. They want to give the child a life full of experiences and raise him or her to have a mind full of curiosity. Most importantly, they want the child to feel safe and loved. I guess I can't ask for much more than that. Anything else is a bonus.

"There's your baby," Dr Ryan says to the couple next to me, bringing me from my thoughts. I look at the fetus on the monitor. It's much clearer now than it was at twenty weeks. My God, that's a big head! I turn to Ellie to make a joke about elective C-section for the sake of my vagina, but I'm stopped by the look on her face. She's completely mesmerised by the image in front of her. Tears have already started to roll down her cheeks. Matt grins at her happy tears and rubs a hand up and down her back. As he looks back to the screen, his own eyes start to shine but he manages to stay reserved. Ellie places one of her shaky hands in mine and looks down at me with a smile full of gratitude and admiration. "Everything looks great. Do you want to know the sex?" The OB/GYN asks.

"Yes!" Ellie says, excitedly, before looking apologetically at me. "Um... is-is that okay?"

"Of course, it's your baby," I say with a smile, trying to reassure her that she's the woman who makes these kinds of decisions now.

"Please," Ellie looks at Dr Ryan with pleading eyes. The doctor moves the transducer probe to another part of my globe-shaped stomach and pauses for a few seconds as we all wait for an answer.

"It's a boy," he says with a smile aimed at the expectant parents.

"A boy!" Matt exclaims as his grin grows even larger. Ellie can't control herself any longer - she bursts into tears of joy and launches herself into her husband's arms. He holds her securely and closes his eyes tightly as he leaves a soft kiss on her forehead. Dr Ryan begins to clear my stomach of the leftover ultrasound jelly and I pull my baggy sweater back over myself.

"I'll give you a few minutes," Dr Ryan says, courteously. He leaves the recording on the monitor and exits the room.

"Congratulations," I say, sitting up and smiling and the happy couple. Ellie turns out of Matt's arms and envelopes me in a delicate hug.

"He's perfect," she whispers, tears still flowing freely. "Thank you, thank you so much."

...

Ellie
Arizona has been painfully quiet since the appointment... And, that scares me. I'm scared she's going to change her mind. She has every right to, of course. But, I don't think I can take that kind of heartache.

This just feels so right... Like the baby she's carrying belongs in our family. Like he's meant to come home with us. Be loved, and cared for, and raised by us. To have that opportunity taken away could destroy me.

Matt's gone to work, giving Arizona and I some time to ourselves. We're at her favourite spot in the park and I'm trying to make small-talk. She politely responds with a smile or a reply made up of a few words, but I can tell her mind's somewhere else entirely. She doesn't fill the lulls of silence with sweet rambling like she usually does. She just lets the breeze blow through her hair, and takes in her surroundings silently. I watch her and can practically hear the cogs turning in her head.

I can't bear it any longer.

"Arizona?" I grab her attention.

"Mmm?" she replies, her mind still obviously pre-occupied.

"Are you... um... are you having second thoughts?" I ask, trying to hide the nervousness in my voice. "About... about the baby..."

"Huh?" She asks, finally focussing on me, eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Well, I... I guess..." I take a deep breath and try to control my stammering. "I guess I'm asking if you're getting cold feet... about the adoption."

"What?" She replies, her face dropping. "No... God, no! You and Matt... You're made to be parents. You're made to be this baby's parents."

"It's just... You seem... tense," I say, gently. "And, if you're having second thoughts... I mean, we would obviously be... devastated..." My voice turns croaky as I practically give permission for her to take my baby away. Every bone in my body is screaming at me, telling me to stop. "But... it's not too late to change your mind... if you're unsure... we could wait..." I say, quietly. I feel tears sting my eyes as I go against every natural feeling in my gut. "I don't want you to feel like I'm taking your child away from you," I whisper, my voice wavering.

"Woah! No... no... Ellie, you've got it all wrong..." She says, desperately. "This baby... He's yours. He's one hundred and ten percent yours! He belongs with you," she reassures me. "It's just... I..." She takes a deep sigh and tries to compose herself. "I just realised... I haven't told you about the biological dad," she says, turning scarily pale. "But, if I tell you... you've got to promise... Please, don't change your mind about this baby," she begs. Huh? What has happened to this woman to make her think that we'd even consider changing our mind about the baby? "Promise me," she pleads, her eyes filling up. I look at the devastation on her face and take one of her skinny little hands in mine.

"Nothing could make us change our mind," I tell her, honestly. "I promise."

...

Three weeks later...

Amelia
"My body feels so weird!" Arizona exclaims as we walk around the block, ice creams in hand. "Like, I knew I was going to get bigger. Obviously..." she says, through a mouthful of ice cream. "But, it's everything that comes along with it..."

"Right... the swollen feet, the aching joints, the constant state of nausea..."

"My boobs!" She says, frustrated. "They're so big they're giving me back ache! And, they're rock solid, like, all the time!" My eyes immediately dart to the area she's describing and I receive a slap on the arm for my indiscretion. "Stop staring at them!"

"You brought them up," I say with a nonchalant shrug. We throw the empty ice cream tubs into the nearest trash can. Arizona stops walking and puts her hands on her back, letting out a groan. "You alright?"

"He's kicking the hell out of me," she says, agitated. "Get a load of this," she says, taking my hand and placing it on her stomach.

"Woah, he's active," I say with a small smile. He must have heard me because I'm given several more violent kicks.

"Now he's just showing off," she says with a short laugh.

She looks up at me, her eyes paler than usual due to the tiredness. We share this intense, silent gaze for a few moments; one that makes my heart jumps into my mouth. She opens her mouth to say something but instead her face contorts in pain and she grabs my forearms in an attempt to steady herself. I give her the support she needs as she leans into me. She takes some short, sharp breaths and I look at her with concern, trying to figure out what's going on.

"Are you okay?" I ask, quickly.

When I get no reply, I follow her eyeline. She's staring at the pool of liquid that's just landed around her feet. Every part of me freezes as I realise Arizona's just gone into labour.

"Shit..." she breathes out. She looks back at me with terrified eyes. "That's not good, is it?"