CHAPTER 8

MAIL JEEVAS

Author's Note: *sigh* F**k. This chapter is gonna suck, why? Because. It's big, rushed because was made in a rush mood. When I make scheduals, I'm supposed to keep them. Damn me.

...3 days. What if everything ended in 3 days? I guess we're still within schedual for that.

Finished listening to Emilie Autumn's song "Misery Loves Company", specially the 'Pray for me' part.

DISCLAIMER: I, HoshisamaValmor and all my other f**king alias, don't own Death Note nor Mello. I just find him so sad.


November 13th, 2009

Both of them knew Mello's awakening would be bad. And he had awaken just one day after he endured all his injuries. That was a good sign, a very good sign. But that didn't obviously mean Mello's mood would be as good as the very fact of his awakening was.

"What the fuck happened? Why am I in your house? W-Where the hell am I?"

"New York. If you're here, there must be a reason, right?" Halle replied, half annoyed.

"You said it," Matt supported Halle, though his tone was a lot more softer than Halle's. The agent could sense the red-haired boy's real worry for Mello, as she could feel the blond's obliviousness towards those feelings. It was kind of sad that Matt cared so much for Mello and Mello barely noticed it. "You were the one that said to come here. I know, you really must have hit your head pretty hard, but I didn't have anywhere else to go, so..."

Mello stared at Matt for some moments as he processed what he and Halle had said. His head was still a bit foggy from what had exactly happened after the explosion. To be realistic, why else would Matt have made the unthinkable travel from L.A. to New York with a criminal unless the criminal himself had said so? Matt didn't even know Halle, so that meant it really had been him, Mello, to say her address or at least pointing New York out. Why would he do something like that...?

"It's a miracle you're alive, you know that?" Halle protested, as if trying to put sense into his head, but that argument wasn't really the best one she could have chosen.

Mello wouldn't really truely value the fact he was alive if being alive meant to have lost to his enemies and to Near, as she was now pretty certain it had been the reason why the hideout had exploded. Halle already knew through Near, who knew through L, that Mello had been indeed the one who triggered the explosion that killed Yagami Soichiro and nearly killed himself too. At that moment, he must have seen his defeat, enough to make him cause the explosion himself.

However, pulling that subject forcefully meant pulling something else up. Mello realized he was laying on his right side and with his bare chest exposed, though covered in bandages, and he finally noticed that the thing blocking his left eye wasn't his hair. He moved too harshly without realizing the extend of his injuries, and as soon as he tried to sit, he grunted with the pain that jolted through his back to his chest and to his head, to which Matt shivered in discomfort. Halle moved on instict too, but she didn't touch Mello, nor would he allow such, she was sure.

It took a few more moments for Mello to catch his breath and look at his bandaged chest, the bandages encircling him so they could safetly protect the damaged skin of his back. Then, very slowly, he lifted his hand towards his face, and just like a déjà vu sequence, the same moviment he did while inside that inferno appeared in his mind, making him stop before he touched his skin with his hand now freed from gloves. Almost mechanically, he raised his head to Matt and Halle and saw their expressions, both a mixture of feelings like worry, sadness and fear.

Matt's eyes simply couldn't lie, that was why he kept them always hidden behind his goggles. Unlike everyone else in the world, Matt couldn't lie. That could even cost him his life someday. Lying or hiding something was too often crucial for one's survival, and that was present in Halle's expression, more controlled than Matt's but still tainted with those feelings that made Mello's heart shudder.

"What happened to my face?"

----------

November 15th, 2009

Strangely enough, Mello still hadn't gone away from her house. From one point of view, that was good, but from another, strange. Obviously, an injured person would elect to stay in a safe place while he recovered, but Mello wasn't any injured person, and he was someone Halle would have expected to have left as soon as he could stand up on his own. However, he didn't. By consequence, Matt was still hanging around too, actually curlying himself in a sweet ball-like fetal position over her carpet next to the couch where Mello slept just like a devoted cat.

But Halle couldn't lie to herself on that matter; she didn't mind one bit that both boys remained in her place, specially Mello. At least that way she could ensure he was safe and his wounds were getting treated. It was inevitable to think, though, that she was getting completely mental. She was keeping her boss's enemy of sorts, a criminal wanted for murder, in her own house.

And she couldn't care less for anything but his safety.

Halle sighed as she prepared her tea. Matt had got out to buy smokes and chocolate to Mello, while the blond was sitting in her living room, completely immersed in the information on the documents she had provided him. The aura that poured out of him was more then enough to make people understand there was a lot more into him that it might seem at first. He was not any violent teenager, any medium inteligent person. Wammy's House did indeed give a special touch to its children; the aura was very similar to Near's.

The agent sat on the couch in front of Mello, slowly drinking her tea. Mello refused one for him, and though she figured it could at least warm him up, she still hadn't prepared it.

Mello was recovering rather well and fast for someone carrying his injuries, but he was half-burried in painkillers and he didn't allow himself to show exactly how much in pain he was. She still knew, though, that he was in pain no matter how many painkillers he took, and that pain was beyond the physical one.

As Halle was staring at Mello and at the burned skin on the left side of his face, unbandaged by him but still covered by his hair, she noticed something.

Mello seemed older. A lot older. She had seen that picture Near had of him when Mello was around 14, and in general, his looks hadn't change much from that age to his current one. But now, he seemed like he had got a lot older from a single day than he had throughout his entire life. His hair wasn't as straightly brushed as before, now it was messy, which destroyed his previous androgynous look. His eyes had gone colder, if that was possible, and finally, his beautiful and young face was darken with the somewhat-serious burn on his left side, that descended towards his back. Though fortunately it wasn't a very serious burn as the one on his back was, it was inevitable that it would disfigure him, even if it was the slightest bit. That sarcastic and constant smirk of his was also gone, and for a moment, Halle felt a cold shiver run through her back.

It was like looking to a war child. A broken, damaged, scarred war child. It was... sad.

"Is this really everything Near has?" Mello questioned, unaware of her thoughts.

"Pretty much. Some files I am simply not allowed to touch."

Mello didn't even bother raising his head to her, and fell silent once again. Halle continued to look at him while she finished her tea, but after a while she separated her lips as if to say something. However, she stopped herself before any sound escaped through them. She felt like she would be bothering him in his concentration. So she ought to remain silent.

As the silence spreaded between them, Halle caught herself thinking about the younger boy, Matt. From the times they had chat while Mello was still unconcious, she learned a little about him, and how he had endeavored himself into that whole story only to keep an eye on Mello.

"So, what's Matt to you?" she asked, calmly. "Is he your brother, or just a friend?"

"My younger brother died when I was 5," Mello replied, almost mechanically and without much thinking. "So no, he's not my brother."

The harsh answer hit Halle aback for some moments, but she pulled herself together again.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Yeah," either Mello was too focused on the reports he was reading, or he didn't cared a lot about that subject. Rather, it was more he didn't often think about it.

After all, Mello was an orphan, Halle recalled. He must have a sinister past somewhere in his life.

"So, what about that rosary of yours? You don't really look like a devoted catholic, you know."

"My mother gave it to me. One week later, she was dead, along with my father and my brother, on Christmas fucking day."

"Oh," Halle said, sitting opposite to Mello. "What happened?"

"Tired truck driver and arguing couple. Result: four dead people and an injured kid."

"Did you learn all that cursing you say from your parents?" that question just popped in her mind out of nowhere, and she quite surprised herself to think of something so irrelevant at a time like that. Mello definatly had that effect on her; she recalled their first encounter where she might have been high on drugs to be so anesthetized.

"Kinda. My father said those a lot."

Halle decided to let that conversation die out. Mello had just given her enough information to find out his true identity if she wanted to, but it didn't seem he had even noticed it. Then, finally, he snapped.

"Hold on. Why the fuck did I just said all this to you?"

Mello looked at her with that glare of his, like he was blaming her for his revelations, but somehow, it just seemed so much colder and dangerous than before. Halle had to fight a slight surprise and intimidation feeling out of her expression, and instead, tried to look relaxed. It was a lot harder than it had been before the explosion.

"Don't look at me that way, I didn't aim a gun at your head," she replied, sounding half-offended. Again, that motherly feeling of hers over Mello appeared in her mind. "That's often your persuasion method to do things."

Mello gave a small «hmph», although it didn't sound as ironic as the ones he used to give before, and lifted his feet over her table to annoy her. Though she would be annoyed in some other ocasion, currently, she wasn't.

"Since you made me say all those things, let's do a quid per quo then."

Halle laughed.

"I made you say those things? You're supposed to be the heartless ex-leader of the Mafia who's keeping me alive out for information, how could a simple and harmless SPK agent like me be able to put pressure on you?"

Mello took only a second to understand Halle was tauting him for speaking in a contradictory way, and tried to clear up things.

"You... I don't... damn you, woman. Trying to confuse me won't work for you."

Halle had to laugh again, this time more teasing-like. Mello was really a child; a child armed with guns and chocolates, and with some sort of darker background for his actions, but still, a child.

"Stop laughing of me!" he demanded, again in that angried and offended child-like way. However, he was a child armed with a gun, and he pulled it out. "Stop it if you don't wanna get shot."

"As you wish," she struggled not to add a teasing 'Mafia-lord'. "What do you want to know about me then?"

If it had been the first time they met, Mello would seemed very happy that he prooved his superiority over her by shuting her up, but this time, that burned face expressed no emotion whatsoever. He lowered the gun, though he kept his hand tightly closed around it.

"Why're you with Near? Against Kira and all?"

"A relative of mine was killed when Higuchi was Kira," Halle replied, leaning against the couch. "And I didn't agree with..."

"How close was that person to you?" Mello asked before she could proceed.

Halle remained silent for a moment, but Mello didn't bother lifting his eyes from the sheets to see what bothered her.

"He was my fiancé," she explained calmly.

"Such a Romeo and Juliet-like story," Mello ironized with a cold tone, still reading the information without looking at Halle. "Why was he killed?"

"He was a director of a rival enterprise to Yotsuba."

"Your fiancé worked in a company in Japan?" Mello repeated, disbelievingly, and he snorted. "Liar."

---------

December 13th, 2009

A young blond boy was staring the camera with a half-smile, and a pretty sarcastic one at that. Mello had always carried that smile, he guessed. It really looked like him, now he was looking at it again after four years. But that was when he still smiled. Back when that photograph was taken, he still smiled, his hair was still straightfully brushed, his face still clean and scarless. It seemed such a long time ago.

He carried that picture with him for some days now. He didn't really know he had saved it until today, but it was more than enough time already. He moved the paper next to a candle, and slowly let the fire consume its corner, watching the flames run all over his imprinted face.

While he was looking at his burning childhood picture, he remembered what Near had said before, "I can't be 100% sure, but you shouldn't be killed by the notebook". That showed Near didn't yet know that the Japanese police oughta have Mello's name with them. If the Japanese police knew it, the chances Kira also knew his name were high up. And that made him wonder, at least for the forth time since the Mafia hideout had exploded, why he was still alive. If the Japanese guys were working together with Kira, as Mello knew they were, why hadn't they killed him yet? There had to be a good reason for that. A possible alignance with Mello was out of question; after all, he was the cause for both Takimura and Yagami's deaths, so they were certainly pretty angry at him. But anyways, Kira would be able to kill him without worry. Why hadn't he? Could it be just a mere question of timing that was keeping him alive? Maybe if Kira was the Second L, he couldn't kill Mello with the notebook since that would reveal his true identity. Or maybe not... maybe it was because he simply hadn't seen his face yet, only Yagami did. In either case, Kira was simply waiting for a good opportunity to kill him without being noticed. That had to be it.

...Or maybe no one else besides Yagami got to know his real name, maybe Kira wasn't the Second L, and both him and Near were betting on the wrong horse.

No. What were the odds both of them and L himself were wrong?

"Oi, Mello. Earth to Mello?" Matt gestured in front of the blond's face to gain his attention, awaking Mello from his thoughts. The red-head looked at the nearly-completely burned picture with a slight nostalgic look. "Sorry to break the moment, but what do we do now?"

Mello didn't reply and instead burried himself in his thoughts once more, but Matt didn't allow it to get there.

"Hey! Don't get that creepy look of yours when you think, it's scary."

"If you want to know what to do next, I need to think."

"Oh. Okay, fine, I'll just turn the other way around, then."

Matt spinned on his feet and jumped to the old couch of the abandoned clothing store they had broke into, pulling one of his portable consoles and starting to press its buttons rather harshly, until he sighed and threw it to his side, clearly out of batteries.

"Ugh, I want to finish that last nevel," he complained to no one.

Silence fell upon them, Matt chewing on his tongue wondering how to spend time and Mello trying to focus his mind on a single subject. Both of them quickly realized their personal tentatives were failing.

"Mello."

"What."

"You haven't been smiling lately," Matt noted, looking at the cremated paper on the floor as if the old smile could still be seen there.

Mello didn't reply to that. It was true though. That same sarcastic smile that used to identify him so well was gone, pretty much since his face and back got burned in that explosion and since he almost died. There just didn't seem to be reasons for smiling. He had grown up harshly after that day, and grew up with a broken pride and mind. More then he already had before.

Matt stared at Mello as if he tried to read his thoughts, but finally sighed when he couldn't.

"You ever noticed you're erasing your existence from the world?"

Mello lifted his eyes to the red-haired, as if he hadn't understood those words.

"Officially, there's no info about the boy you used to be when you had your real name, so its like he died all those years ago," Matt explained. "And as for Mello... it's already hard as it is to take information out of Wammy's, but deleting that info and any proof that you exist... its erasing yourself as if you have never been born."

Mello lowered his eyes once more, and again, he agreed with his friend's words.

"What good was I to the world in the first place, anyways?"

"We all leave our mark around, and we oughta do something good around all of them, don't you think?"

"In that case, I guess it's best I'm erasing all my marks, since I don't have any good one."

"You go along with that because you think that other people had to do the same?" Matt wondered. "Like L?"

"L isn't even officially dead," Mello recalled. "The reputation he gained after exiting Wammy's oughta have erased any trace of his previous life from his memory. That guy is immortal. The possible-Kira is replacing him, so it's as if nothing happened to the real L. And anyways, there's still that big-headed twit to truly succeed him."

"That's supposed to be Near, right?"

Mello didn't bother replying, and Matt sighed.

"You can always try to do something remarkable... you know, became famous for something. Well, L is L, but you still have others... like Linda; she's an artist now, isn't she?"

If he was still able to, he would have smiled when thinking about Linda. The only friends he had in Wammy's House were Matt and Linda. He realized he kinda missed her.

"What you reckon I'd be famous for? Blowing up things?"

"Dunno," Matt moved his shoulders to try to find a comfortable position. "You can always catch Kira and become famous for it."

"Yeah, I'm working on that, " Mello replied. Going against Kira was turning out to be a crime those days.

"What about the agent, then?"

Matt was really in a chatting mood. When his game batteries all died out, he had to do something else to spend his time. Sometimes it was really annyoing.

"What agent?"

"Hal. Halle Linder, or Bullook," Matt replied, moving his head in Mello's direction so he would see his expression.

"What does she have to do with anything?" As Mello knew Matt was trying to study his reaction, he controlled himself, though he shouldn't have any reasons to worry about. Then why was a slight heat appearing in his face?

"You know, I may be a game-freak, but I see romance in those, too."

That word made Mello choke on invisable food.

"What the hell are you talking about? Where did you got that idea from?"

"She likes you," Matt said, not worried one bit if he was bothering Mello with that talk. "Not even in games does a grown-up and hot woman allow a injured mafioso in her house and treats him up, and specially, allows the same teenager mafioso to be in her bathroom while she takes a shower. Not without caring about that guy, y'know?"

How Matt knew about that particular episode escaped Mello's grasp, but he didn't had the chance to wonder about that for long. The image of the naked Halle taking a bath while he waited beside her flashed through his mind, and he blushed slightly, not because of the blonde woman herself, but more because of how bold she was. Indeed Matt was right about Halle's actions towards him being strange if one considered a normal and phychologically healthy person. Any person within those criteria wouldn't have undressed herself and talking to him through the shower's curtain without any fear that he would do something to her. She was a capable agent, but still, something bad could have happened. Not that Mello was interested in anything like that, good or bad, anyways.

...He had to repeat those words to himself many times.

"Shut up."

"AND, that reaction of yours oughta be that of someone who cares as well."

Mello threw one of Matt's consoles at him, missing the boy's head by frustrating inches. He didn't even break the damn gadget.

"Shut the hell up," he ordered, trying to find something to do instead of hearing to Matt's game-like phylosophies. Still, his next words came out without his control. "People like me don't even have time to think about those things."

"Aha!!" Matt exclamed, lifting himself up with a stupid happy smile on his face. "You admit it, Mello... that's very nice of you... you're in love!"

"I was being polite with you, but now shut the fuck up!"

"You're in looooove~~~!" Matt began singing and ducked behind the couch before another heavy thing flyed above his head, though he was grinning widely.

Mello prepared to throw him anything else, but his strength failed him and the heavy object fell before it hit the protective couch. Matt was a too kind person. Too kind to be around him. Mello would only get him hurt, him, the only person that took the effort to put up with his mood swings and overall aggressiveness. Matt was kind enough to try to cheer him up with something that would at least make him give the smallest smile to himself, on that particular day when people were supposed to feel happy.

"Wooo, I'm gonna buy more cigarettes," Matt announced cheerfully, rushing towards the door and grinning to Mello. "I'll bring you a chocolate too, blond Romeo, don't worry."

Mello grabbed a new object from the floor and threatned to throw it, but Matt closed the door behind him before he had the chance to.

"Happy birthday, Mells."

----------

January 25th, 2010 - 18:44

Halle was feeling physically exhausted. Takada Kiyomi annoyed her a lot by some reason. Well, perhaps it wasn't so hard to find a reason; she was Kira's spokesperson. Did anyone need more of a real reason to be hated? Perhaps the best thing of working for her was to get the chance to go to home when she was dispatched and rest a little before she talked to Near through her computer.

She threw her handbag to the floor and switched on the light of her living room's lamp, tainting the division with a soft yellow tone. It always helped her relax. Today though, something else wouldn't allow her to relax as usual.

"It's been a while you showed up," she noted, looking at Mello with as much naturality as if he lived there and was expecting her at the end of a working day. He was sitting in the same couch he had been when he was reading all those reports so many weeks ago, facing her empty seat. Not only that, he was bended over his legs, with his head resting against his chest, his hair covering his face, and his hands lying motionless over his lap. Looking at him gave the impression he could have been sleeping or perhaps crying, and despite his face was totally dry, Halle seriously feared the latter when he raised his head to her.

Halle had noticed, ever since the day Mafia's hideout exploded, that Mello was different; but today, he was even more different. Something in his eyes was off, like a burning candle that had been courageously fighting against a wild wind for a long time, and that now, had finally allow its flame to be conquered and perished.

Something inside Halle seemed to shudder.

What had happened?

"You're still guarding that Takada, right." It didn't sound like a question at all.

"Yes," Halle replied. "She's connected with Kira as you certainly know, so Near needs her moviments tracked."

Mello said nothing to that, and moved his eyes away from her, resting them on the floor again.

"Mello," her voice sounded a bit more worried than she would have liked it to, but she really felt like that. "What's wrong? Where have you been lately? You've barely..."

"Spying," Mello replied, cutting her half-way. "Spying people and thinking, and doing fucking nothing."

He hit the table that stood between the two seats, making it collide with the couch harshly.

Halle didn't actually flinch because of the sound, but because of the emotion the kick embodied. Frustration, anger, hatred, desperation. That wasn't like Mello at all.

And that scared her.

"What's wrong?"

Mello didn't reply, and when she tried to approach him, he lift himself up so fast that he nearly pushed her.

"I need you to tell me what the fuck is Near up to. Just stop telling me what he wants me to know."

"What?" Halle asked, preplexed. "Near doesn't..."

"He KNOWS you're helping me out," Mello said, showing too much of those emotions he was drowned in. "Of course he knows, he's a genius. He knows exactly what to tell you and exactly what you'll gonna tell me. He's fucking..." Mello shut his fist with enough strength to his hand to start shaking. "He's playing with me all along, using me all along the way he wants to. He's keeping things in the fucking dark lately, so something is going on, something he doesn't want me to even know of. You need to tell me what it is."

"Mello, if I knew, I would..."

"Don't throw sand at my eyes as well," Mello cut her word. "I don't even know which fucking side you're on, Hal. I don't know if you're just being used by Near or using me as well, I don't fucking know anything!"

Halle's voice left her for some moments as she watched Mello deviate his face away from her, and for a moment she seriously feared he was crying. His fist was still tightly shut and shaking with anger and, more than anything, frustration. She didn't even fully realize him calling her 'Hal'. When she finally thought she could speak again, he did it before she could.

"And as if it was enough, as if it wasn't time-consuming enough as it is, there's still this..." he tried, but he wasn't able to express everything he was feeling. Unlike Near, perhaps unlike L, Mello was full of emotion that no matter how much he tried to fight off, he simply couldn't. Normally it were negative and hostile feelings, but even those were merely a sheel to his real ones, the ones that choked him and haunted him.

"What? What is it?"

Halle felt like her heart had stopped when the distance between their lips was reduced to mere inches. And in truth, so did Mello's. That was why he didn't proceed. He tried to fight an inside battle with his mind to be able to move, but he lost. He even lost to himself.

She was a devoted woman to her causes. Maybe she didn't have a side, maybe she simply wanted to see Kira getting what he deserved no matter who brought him down. She was capable of helping both sides unlike anyone in the whole Kira case ever thought of. She was supposed to survive through that, see her work and efforts succeed, and then carry on with the happiest life she could built.

He was a criminal, a killer, a kidnapper, a black-mailer. He black-mailed the very President of the United States. He was doomed to suffer and to make people around him suffer ever since he was born. His real name was already known, so it was just like he had the death penalty over him at he deserved for his crimes; the execution date hadn't simply been marked yet due to slight circumstances.

...why would he drag Halle with him to Hell more than her work already threatned to?

"Call me when you get news from Near."

Before Halle could react, Mello had slammed the door behind him.

----------

January 25th, 23:13

"You should get some sleep."

"Nope, I have to finish this level first, remember? Last one."

"That game'll be in the same place tomorrow, you know."

"Since when do you worry about my sleeping?" Matt asked, peeking from the top his console. "And look who's talking; you sleep ten hours per week at best."

"Less than that," Mello corrected, removing his leg from the armrest of the couch and sitting in the right position.

"You have any ideas for tomorrow?" Matt asked before returning to his game and sunking himself a bit more on against the floor.

"Hal oughta call me tonight," the blond replied. "But anyways, our move has to be to that Takada Kiyomi. Near wouldn't sign Hal up to protect that woman if she wasn't important."

"She's Kira's spokesperson, so of course she's damn important," Matt recalled, furiously pressing the buttons of the console.

"I know that, and I know she's directly linked to Kira himself. Why does everybody think I don't know that?"

"Then you do know that kidnapping Takada isn't the same as kidnapping a school girl, right? She has half a nation as bodyguards and the world's eyes on her."

"Kidnapping may be too rush. I need to get new info from Hal to decide. Whichever decision that may be, I need you to be awake and not falling over the wheel."

"Aye, aye, mother," Matt teased, and after a few more pressings and an apparently 'game over' in his game, he turned it off and jumped to the bigger couch. He just stripped his waistcoat, but he seemed as comfortable as if he was wearing silk pyjamas. "'night, then."

"'night."

Matt was just like a teenager (he was one, anyways); he might be always up and awake for things, but as soon as you put a bed on his reach, he'd seem like he hadn't slept for years. It didn't took more than ten minutes for him to fall asleep.

Mello stared at the dark corner of the room for a long time, trying to focus himself on something, but at the same time, wanting to keep his mind blank. He had to think, plan, make sure he and Matt would survive the next day, but he felt tired just of the idea. He just felt so tired and strangled. Maybe Matt was right, maybe he really had to sleep.

However, when he was thinking of curling himself on the improvised bed on the floor and try to get some deserved and needed sleep, something popped in his mind, and that was Halle. Damn it, was he really liking her? That was... unsual. And certainly not something that came in a good time; not when nothing seemed to happen, but he knew something was up, and something big. That feeling was really incovinient. Feeling... love? It couldn't be love. At least, not real love. When was the last time he loved someone, anyways? Perhaps he never loved anyone, so he doubted he could really love Halle. And that was such a lame feeling, no matter how you looked at it.

Why did he had to have so many damn emotions in him, why couldn't he be more like Near sometimes? At least the damn twit didn't have to worry about feelings if he didn't even have them.

He reached for something laying on top of a nearby table, a brand new chocolate bar he opened as soundlessly as possible and lifted to his lips, but before completing the moviment he had done so many times, he gave up and lowered it again.

Perhaps he was getting suicidal. Perhaps he was giving up. After all, things weren't really easy or bright to his side. He didn't have any back-ups like Near, so he was pretty much alone. The Mafia were just means to get to his goals. There was Matt... Matt was a kid, a kid with a brilliant mind that was stuck in something he couldn't even fully understand. His life was on the line because of Mello, and he didn't seemed to notice that. Though Matt could be considered and was a back-up, having to bear the responsability if someone like him died would be a burden Mello couldn't handle. And Halle... Halle was that kind of person you can't be sure of what she's thinking, nor in which side she really is. Not to mention that something in her made him feel those strange feelings. Hell, he tried to kiss her earlier. That oughta mean something he wasn't used to.

Why was he in that mess again? Because L got killed by the guy he had vowed to capture. Because Mello wanted to proove himself over L and capture Kira whom the greatest detective in the world failed to. Because he wanted to surpass Near for once. Because Kira was a mass-murder with a god-complex. Those were enough reasons, one would think.

But by some reason, he just felt so tired of all that. And he just wanted it to be all over.

He wasn't anywhere near L's mind. And he knew the same applied to Near. They were all logically-minded, they barely had feelings in them, specially Near. He really was second to those guys in more than one sense. If L couldn't catch Kira, having that mind of his, and if Near kept going in circles around Kira, how the hell would Mello be able to surpass both of them? It seemed pretty impossible as far as he could see it, finally in a moment of self-consciousness. What the hell was he supposed to do?

Mello felt like he snapped.

Damn, that was so out of character. Didn't matter what he was supposed to do, he wasn't suppose to give up. If people had given up on him, the only thing he should do was to keep fighting and show them they were wrong. But it was a lot harder than it sounded. A lot of people tried to shot him dead several times, and although he had survive those, they left him scares to remind him things could be totally out of his control. Unconsciouly, he touched the left side of his face, feeling the burnt skin through his gloved fingers. That thing still burned. He was the one carrying more scares around the anti-Kira section.

Hm, well, not really, he admitted. After all, a lot of people died, including L. Was he supposed to be in the deceased person list too? Death was becoming a familiar idea to him, and he couldn't decide if he was scared of it or not. Damn it, he was getting suicidal.

A beep interrupted his thoughts, and he reached for his phone. It was Hal; no one else called to his phone at that hour besides Hal or Matt.

"Any news?"

"Some," Halle's voice never really sounded like that, but this time it was almost soft to his ears. "Near said he 'would bring things to a conclusion directly'."

There. There it was, the quote that seemed to sum up every fucking thought of his.

Mello layed foward in the chair, making his blond hair cover his face just like it had while in Halle's place, in an image that seemed like he was very tired, or as if he was crying. For the second of third time that day, although he wasn't crying, he just felt like it. Because of all those previous thoughts being proved to have a very clear reason. End. The end to all that was arriving soon. That would be a comfortable feeling if he didn't know that something wasn't right in the 'good end'. Or rather, he wasn't right in it. He felt like - and knew - he was just another player in that game, a player behind his adversaries, and he had been cursed earlier not to arrive at the finish line

Before he really noticed he had moved, his hand was closed around something near his chest, and he released it was his rosary.

Damn.

"He's going to make him write your names in the notebook directly..."

"Yeah."

A long silence from both sides of the line took place. Halle felt a bit anxious with such dead silence, since she sensed something wrong in Mello's voice the moment they started talking. Not only then, when they met earlier... The memories of that encounter made her want to break the soundless moment and question Mello about it.

"Mello..."

There was nothing else to say. Some decisions were simply taken in mere seconds and many people simply couldn't understand them.

"I'm the only one who can do it."

- End of Chapter 8 -


Author's Notes: You decide if Halle was being honest with Mello regarding her dead fiancé or not.

About Mello's smile-less part, in the manga he does smile once or twice after the explosition, but in the anime, he simply doesn't smile again. I think it's very sad, and I wanted to point that out.

As for the kissing scene, I would love to have a real romantic deal or sorts with Halle and Mello, but I don't think they would ever be able to actually 'make it official'. Or maybe it's just me who can't write romance properly. I still think it's clear that there's something else in their relation.

I hope you all caught the line about Matt's last-nevel game. He's not gonna finish it.

We're arriving at an end, minna-san (yay, this crappy thing is finally coming to its death). Reviews are always very welcomed and excuse the typos/grammar mistakes.

Tick-tock.