The room was dark. It was new to Jack, but as the musty, dank smell started battering his nose, he placed it was the basement of Ianto's childhood home. The Ianto before him looked similar to the Ianto he knew, the same height, about the same weight, only less polished. He was hardly visible in the dark, but a spark of light illuminated his gaunt face momentarily and then the smell of cigarette smoke joined the dank smell. The only sound in the room was the sound of Ianto's breathing. And then there was a shuffle of movement. Guitar then overshadowed his breathing. He played well, if slightly roughly. It seemed to Jack that he was upset, not a novice.
"Just fucking do it already," A rough, slurred voice from the top of the stairs said. It was Ianto's father. "Just fucking kill yourself. You're a big, fat disappointment." The guitar stopped and there was an abrupt smash. Splinters of wood covered the floor. Then there was the sound of a gunshot.
The bright light of the hospital caused both Jack and the younger Ianto to wince. There was a bandage around Ianto's chest.
"Fuck," He muttered. "Reminder to self: Never try to commit suicide when extremely upset," there was a soft clearing of the throat as a doctor entered the room.
"Hello, Mr. Jones," She said gently. "I'm Dr. Perry," She smiled, sitting in the chair next to Ianto's bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Like a failure," Ianto's words were short, clearly unhappy.
"You've been here once before for the same reason, haven't you Mr. Jones?"
"You have my file, why do you ask?" Ianto asked, annoyed.
"You refused intensive treatment," She added. Ianto glared at her. "Abigail Lewis said you asked if you would be treated like a Pariah if you went to intensive treatment," She continued.
"Your point?" Ianto asked.
"You were thirteen. That's quite the term for a thirteen year old who tried to commit suicide to use," She was calm.
"I am afraid I don't follow you," Ianto's voice was clipped. She smiled.
"I'm just trying to get to know you."
"Why?" He asked.
"Because I have the feeling that you don't have many people who know you," She told him. Ianto shrugged. She sighed. "You've been here for four days, in and out of consciousness." Ianto's eyes looked evenly into hers.
"Mr. Jones, how much do you weigh?" She asked.
"I'm sorry?" He frowned.
"How much do you weigh? You're much too thin for your height," She added. Ianto did not respond.
"Mr. Jones, how would you describe your appetite?" Ianto gave no response.
"Have you ever tried to lose weight?"
"Have you ever not eaten even if you were hungry?"
"Has anyone called you fat?"
"Do you often think about food?"
"Do you think you're fat?"
"No," Ianto said. She looked surprised he answered.
"I'm sorry?" She prompted, not that she hadn't understood, but she was hoping for an elaboration.
"I know I'm fat," His stare was piercing, not the slightest hint of shame nor guilt. Simple honesty.
"How much do you weigh?" She repeated.
"47 kilograms," HE answered.
"How much would you like to weigh?" She asked.
"I don't know," He told her.
"Less?" She asked and he nodded.
"do you know your bmi?" She asked. He shook his head. "Do you know what a bmi is?" again, he shook his head. "BMI stands for Body Mass Index. Basically, it's a general idea of if you have any weight problems. The normal range is from 18.5 to 24.9. Under 18.5 is underweight and over 24.9 is overweight. Over a BMI of 30 is Obese." She paused, glancing at a chart. "At 182 cm, and 47 kilograms, your BMI is 14.2," She told him. He frowned.
"So I'm underweight?" He asked.
"You're severely underweight," She nodded. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put you inpatient for a few days, to get your weight up a bit. It is medically unsafe for you to be this thin. You're at risk of heart failure, and you probably are prone to dizziness and fainting out of the blue," She raised an eyebrow and Ianto's frown deepened.
"No. I'm not dizzy and I've never fainted out of the blue," HE informed her. It was her turn to frown.
"Still, I think it would be good for you to go inpatient for a bit." And with that, she left him.
The new part of the hospital had many beds and many people, of all ages and both genders. Ianto had a tube in his nose.
"Nasogastric tube," Ianto told Jack. "Painful and kind of itchy," He recalled as a girl sat on the foot of Ianto's bed.
"I'd ask you why you're here, but it's clear you're anorexic," The girl informed him. Her long brown hair was matted and thin. Ianto glared at her. "Don't worry, they'll fatten you up a bit and let you go unless your parents make you stay."
"Parent," Ianto corrected.
"Sorry?" The girl blinked.
"My mother's dead," He informed her.
"Oh, I'm sorry," She said genuinely. "Does your dad want you to be here?" She asked.
"Most likely not."
"I'm Louisa, what's your name?" She asked.
"I'm Ianto," He answered. She smiled.
"Nice to meet you, Ianto!" She beamed.
"Since it's clear why I'm here, will you share why you are so that we're on even ground?"
"I'm bipolar. I'm apparently a danger to myself when I'm manic and when I'm depressed," She informed him.
"And currently you are manic," He nodded. She pouted.
"No fair. Not many people know that," She said. "Except for that time that I tried to become prime minister. That tipped my parents off to what my mania was like."
"I can see how," Ianto nodded. "Have you ever tried coloring when you're manic?" He asked.
"Yep!" She grinned.
"On paper?" Ianto asked. Her eyes widened. She threw her arms around his neck.
"You genius! You save me from people who get angry at me!" She squealed. Then she sat back and frowned at him.
"How do you know that?" She asked.
"My aunt was bipolar."
"Was?" Louisa asked suspiciously.
"She committed suicide when she was 17. She was my mam's youngest sister, and only nine years older than me," Ianto answered.
"That had to be scary for you," Louisa's eyes were wide and full of sympathy.
"The idea always stuck with me," Ianto agreed.
"That's why you're here now!" Louisa's wide eyes were startled and proud.
"Yep," Ianto agreed. Louisa scrambled over to the nurse. She rattled out something, and the nurse, well accustomed to her mannerisms, dug in a drawer for a minute before handing Louisa a coloring book and crayons. Louisa trouped back to Ianto's bed. She settled next to him again.
"Color with me?" She asked. Ianto shrugged and began coloring a picture of a teapot while Louisa colored a kitten. Though she had to be close to his own age, her excitement and child like wonder reminded him of a six year old; old enough to be aware but not old enough to be weighed down with worry.
On his third day there, Louisa crashed. She become very quiet and seemed to radiate macabre anger. Still, she sat on his bed. Now though, instead of coloring, the talked about the universe. When manic, she had tried to explain how beautiful everything was, sort of like a soap bubble. Now, her description had radically changed.
"It's like a tombstone." She informed him. "It's grey and dank and covered in slimy green moss and marks the decay of everything. Time whittled it away and now it's just a memento of times past. Everything's past and gone. Everything's fleeting and ephemeral," Her tone was dark, and clearly unhappy.
"It's iridescent flavescent," Ianto told her. She frowned at him.
"Nope," She disagreed. Ianto's lip quirked up slightly.
"The Iridescent Flavescent Nature of the Universe... Flavescent is a very ambiguous color. It has no connotation as sad or happy, and therefore matches the universe. Whilst the universe has been proven to be, in fact, the color 'cosmic latte', Ithink this light shade of green suits it well," He paused, conspiratorially. He noted Louisa was actually listening to him.
"The universe, whilst having no base connotation as bad or good, does in the iridescent manor of a crow's feather, reflect both darkness and light on any given occasion. This Iridescent Flavescenticty is the truth of the universe."
"Flavescenticity?" Louisa's dark demenour broke with a slight smile. Ianto's eyes smiled but his mouth remained serious. Then he continued.
" Depending on where the light is, it seems worse than from across the room. However, the universe is a very gorgeous, very neutral green. It is unobtrusive except when we flash attention on it, and it is then merely reflecting what we put in it. After all, the fault is in ourselves, not our stars. Let's all lie down on the innocent white snow and enjoy the Iridescent Flavescent of the universe. After all, we might as well enjoy the beauty. It's only doing what we make it," Ianto told her.
"So flavescent's green?" Louisa asked. Ianto smiled.
"Flavescent actually means turning yellow. I always think of it as the color of the green-yellow crayon. Not quite green, but not quite yellow either. It's easier to say a neutral green color than that not yellow not green sort of yucky but still super pretty color," Ianto told her. She smiled, then started giggling. The nurse looked over in shock. Louisa covered her mouth as she giggled, and Ianto looked rather pleased with himself. There was a loud bang. Ianto jerked as he noted his father standing in the doorway. His father stormed over to his bed. Ianto literally cowered from his father. His father grabbed the NG Tube and jerked it. A nurse called for security. His father kept pulling the NG tube. Eventually, and quite painfully, the long thin tube was out.
"He will be leaving now," Mr. Jones informed the nurse. She looked very flustered. Ianto felt tears running down his face. Louisa stood shakily from where she had been pushed to the ground. Then she punched Ianto's father. He reeled back.
"You are an abusive bastard," She informed him, then she sat next to Ianto. She grabbed a picture of a cat she had colored for him and wrote down two addresses.
"Write to me," She told him. "You're leaving now," She added. He nodded.
Once home, Ianto was informed he would not be eating until he was back down to 47 kilograms, not the 51 kilograms he had gained to in hospital. Ianto simply agreed and locked himself in the bathroom, etching new rivers into his flesh.
