A/N: As always, read, enjoy, review, rinse and repeat.
8
THE GAUNTLET
21 Years Ago
Henry Lawson approaches his child's bed. Her chest is heavily strapped, and he can see that she's been crying. He doesn't know which sin is bigger, the mistake she made today, or the fact that she sobbed about it.
"I want you to tell me what happened in your class with Mrs Warner."
Miranda drops her gaze, the shame seeping into her voice. "I... was injured."
He scoffs angrily and scowls at the girl. "Look at where you are, Miranda! It's painfully bloody obvious that you were injured! I'm asking what happened that led to the injury."
Miranda fights back against the tears that are threatening to spill. She will not cry in front of Father. Crying is the ultimate weakness, he says so all the time. "We were doing a trust exercise. I was meant to stand on the desk and fall backwards, and she was meant to catch me."
He regards his child carefully. Her hair is growing dark and long, her lips are plump, her eyes are sparkling and intelligent. Her breasts are beginning to bud, her hips starting to thicken, and her legs are becoming shapely. She is taking on the form of a woman, and he'll be buggered if she's a weak one. Not while she's carrying his name. His legacy. This lesson needs to be learned now, before she starts looking at boys and listening to their lies.
"And she didn't catch you, did she Miranda?"
Miranda swallows the lump in her throat. She doesn't like Mrs Warner, she wants her old tutor, Lacy, back. But Lacy is kind, funny, warm and charming; everything that Henry Lawson wants to steer his daughter away from.
"No. She stepped back and watched me fall to the ground."
"And what did you learn from that, Miranda?" he asks softly. Too softly. It almost sounds like he's concerned for her.
"I… learned that Mrs Warner doesn't care if I get hurt or not…?" Miranda meant it as a statement, but she's let the pitch shift higher on the final word, making it become a question. More weakness!
An impatient frown crosses Henry Lawson's face, as he prepares to teach his child the most important lesson of her life. A lesson he hoped she had already been more than educated on by now.
"No, that isn't what you learned. You learned to be self sufficient. If you had stayed standing on your own two feet, you wouldn't be in this situation. But you didn't stay on your own two feet, did you Miranda? You put your faith and your trust in somebody else, and now you're going to spend tonight in the hospital with three broken ribs. Never trust anybody, Miranda. Not with your safety, not with your body, not with anything. People are selfish by nature, and everybody will let you down. The only person you can ever rely on is yourself. It's good that you've learned this lesson young. Most people aren't as lucky as you."
Miranda nods her head slowly. The medication is wearing off, and the searing pain is pulsing through her chest again. She feels the furthest thing in the world from lucky, as her father's sadistic lesson sinks in and ricochets around her brain; an echo that will follow her for decades.
"Yes, Father."
Miranda meets the emerald green eyes in battle. "I said no!
Shepard cocks her head and smiles playfully. "But I want so badly to hear yes!"
"NO!" Miranda says sternly, raising both her eyebrows to convey her seriousness.
"It'll be fuuuuun," Shepard sing songs, moving closer and attempting the disarm the operative with charm.
"No, it will be hell! Go without me!"
Shepard pushes Miranda down on the bed and runs her fingernails gently along the neckline of Miranda's uniform, her gaze flicking between eyes and cleavage. "But we recruited Tali today. We've finally got the full female compliment on our squad. Which means we need to celebrate with a girl's night out!"
Miranda frowns and props herself up. "That is absurd, Shepard. Why do we need to celebrate at all, let alone by drinking and wasting time?"
Shepard gives her an exasperated frown. "Jeez, who pissed in your coffee this morning? It will be good for morale."
"Shepard, you seem to forget why I'm here," Miranda says as she swats Shepard's wandering hands off her. "I am here to keep the mission on track. To keep you on track. This juvenile diversion to Ilium is a ridiculous misuse of your time and talents."
Shepard pins the operative down under her body and her hands slide their way onto Miranda's curvaceous hips. She leans forward and puts her lips to Miranda's ear, tickling the lober deliberately. "I'll do that thing you really like," Shepard whispers, making Miranda's skin prickle.
She shoots her commander one last furious gaze, before feeling her resolve weaken under the electric touch. "Ugh, fine. But I'm putting a three hour limit on the stop-over, and there's a four drink maximum for everyone. I don't want to see a single hangover tomorrow morning."
Shepard chuckles as she takes Miranda's zip in her teeth and starts sliding it down. "Mmmhmm," she answers unconvincingly.
I can't believe I let her talk me into this. I shouldn't let her childish desires control my actions. From now on, I'm putting my foot down. Unless she's offering to do that thing I like…
"I'm telling you Gabby, you and Kenneth, I see it happening," Shepard says confidently as she sits across the table from the junior engineer.
"You really think so, Commander?" Gabby asks sheepishly.
Shepard nods her head adamantly. "Totally! Just the accent alone, even I almost forgive the fact that he has a dick. That's just me though. I jump on my back as a basic reflex to an accent…" She trails off with a sly smile as she strokes Miranda's thigh under the table.
Miranda freezes, carefully controlling her face and diverting attention away from her guilty eyes by taking a long sip through the straw of her cocktail. Nobody seems to have noticed her discomfort, they're probably all a little bit too tipsy to pick up on the finer points of body language. The table is already littered with empty glasses and bottles, Shepard's empty beers being the most predominant beverage displayed.
It's so nice to see that she took my warning about hangovers seriously…
The mechanized voice of the newest recruit interrupts Miranda's thoughts. "All you humans sound the same to me," Tali says with a shrug.
Shepard glances over at her friend, a naughty smirk crossing her face. "Oh, I'd be careful if I was you, Miss Zorah, you've got a little bit of an accent there yourself, and we all know how well you fill out an enviro-suit."
Shepard gives a tiny yelp as Miranda pinches the back her hand, before rubbing it quickly to soothe away the sting. That was just a warning shot.
Gabby blushes and laughs, her own accent coming out in the thick North American drawl that defines her as Earth-born. "Don't you have a problem with it though, Commander? I know the Alliance has regs against it."
Shepard frowns and gives an exaggerated shrug. "Daniels, if you haven't noticed, we're not with the Alliance anymore. And even if we were, those frat regs can lick my left nut. Do they seriously expect to put together a ship full of young, fit soldiers, and there to be no bunk-jumping? Uh-uh buddy, not on my watch!"
From the corner of the booth, Jack slams her empty shot glass down on the table and laughs. "This is why I sorta don't hate you, Shepard. You're not like the rest of these Cerberus pricks." She says the last word as she stares pointedly at Miranda. Shepard squeezes Miranda's thigh as the operative seethes silently. "Hell, once we blow up that Cerberus base, I might even graduate to liking you," Jack continues, the evenness of her voice not betraying the dozen shots of Verushian vodka she's already had to drink.
"What?" Miranda blurts out, as her eyes bore into the biotic convict. Jack looks back with a small, steady smirk, while Shepard chokes and splutters on her beer.
"Oh, what's this? The princess doesn't know about our planned stopover to Pragia? Woops." Jack sits back and folds her arms over her exposed chest with a satisfied smile on her face.
Shepard turns her face towards Miranda, her eyes flashing guiltily. "It's… complicated. We'll talk about it later."
Jack gestures violently, trying to get the barkeeper's attention for another drink. "When it's done, Shepard, I'm going to shout you some commemorative ink. Something that says 'fuck you all'."
"You most certainly will not," Miranda says stiffly as she feels Shepard's hand drop away from her leg in defeat. Scars are one thing. Tacky tattoos like those covering every expanse of Jack's scandalously uncovered flesh are something entirely different.
"Shut up bitch, you don't get to tell Shepard what to do. You pussied out instead of giving her that control chip, remember? Bet you're regretting that now, huh?"
"Sweet Jesus…" Shepard murmurs quietly as Miranda jabs her sharply under the table. They would need to have a discussion later about what information Shepard repeats to the rest of the crew. To the unstable, psychotic ex-criminal, in particular.
"No regrets. Shepard is a gifted leader with a superior tactical mind. Controlling her would have been wasteful. You on the other hand... I'm sure we can still find the time to put one in your demented head," Miranda shoots back.
"Bring it on, Cerberus whore. I would love to see you try," Jack says through gritted teeth, standing up from her seat.
Shepard looks up and points her finger across the table, going into Commander mode. "Okay, reel it in, both of you. This is 'ladies night', and I expect you to both act like it. Miranda, she's baiting you. You're better than this. And Jack, I know how you feel about Cerberus, but pinning all of that on Miranda isn't fair. I work for them as well, and you don't give me shit."
"You're right," Jack says as she flips the bird at the commander, "You're both assholes. Go and fuck yourselves. I'll be at the bar." She flares her biotics briefly in anger as she storms off and disappears quickly through the crowd.
"Shit," Shepard mutters under her breath, "That went well..."
Miranda is taken aback. Having someone stand up for her is… rare. Mostly because people don't like her. Which is mostly because she doesn't like them.
She turns towards Shepard, and whispers in her ear. "Thank you. I really hope she doesn't cause us more trouble than she's worth."
Shepard sets her jaw grimly and stares into her beer. "She'll be fine. I've met her kind before. There's a good person under all that anger. PTSD is a terrible thing." She pauses thoughtfully as she glances in the direction that the tattooed convict went in. "I'll set a course for Pragia within the next few weeks. Exorcise some of her demons. I think she'll calm down."
An awkward lull falls over the table, with Tali and Gabby not knowing what to say, while everything that Miranda and Shepard have to say needs to wait for privacy. There's a flash of blue and red, and then suddenly a figure appears at the end of the booth.
"Okay Commander, it's time to dance!" Kelly Chambers announces. She's wearing an enticing blue dress, and her face is slightly flushed from the hour that she's spent on the dance-floor with Samara and Kasumi.
Tali gives a small, knowing snort into her helmet, as Shepard retreats slightly further into the booth. "Nooooope! I can't dance Kelly."
Kelly reaches out and grabs Shepard's hand, yanking lightly. Miranda feels her teeth set on edge as a wave of possessiveness sweeps over her.
The yeoman batts her eyes. "I don't believe that for a minute, Commander. I've seen the vid footage of you in battle. You have a strong and graceful body. I bet you're a great dancer."
Tali snorts into her helmet even louder this time, gaining Shepard's attention. The commander smiles sweetly at the quarian, and gestures with her hand. "I'm sure Miss Tali here would be more than happy to accommodate you if you want another dance partner, Chambers. She's certainly got the moves."
Tali throws Shepard what Miranda can only assume is a scornful look hidden behind that mask.
"Oh, okay," Chambers says hesitantly. "Would you like to join me, Tali?"
Tali sighs and lifts herself from her seat, trudging off in the direction of the dance floor. Gabby Daniels suddenly looks intimated as she sits at the table alone with both her Commanding and Executive Officer. "I might just join the other girls," she says, quickly excusing herself.
Miranda sits back and smiles, letting her hand take a place on Shepard's upper thigh. She's been waiting to get the commander to herself all night.
"Jane," Miranda starts, shifting her body so that she's facing the soldier, "Are you aware that Yeoman Chambers has her sights set on you?"
"Not particularly," Shepard says, taking a sip of her beer, "Are you aware of every single crewman that stares slack-jawed at your rack every time you walk past?"
"My looks are not my fault," Miranda counters sternly, "I don't do anything to foster a relationship with them or encourage their...ogling. They look at me because they find me physically appealing, nothing more. Kelly actually likes you as a person."
"And I like Kelly as a person," Shepard answers with a shrug, her eyes drifting off to where the squad and crew are cutting up the dance floor. "That doesn't mean I want to sleep with her. She's good to talk to. And she feeds my fish when I forget. I don't think I've done anything to lead her on."
Sighing with annoyance, Miranda grips Shepard's thigh tighter. "I want her to know that you're mine, Shepard."
Shepard nods and turns her emerald gaze towards Miranda. "I want that to. Just give me the word, and I'll go over there right now and tell everybody that I'm off the market."
Miranda sighs, reeling the temptation in. "It's not that simple Shepard, I wish it was. But with the complications it would cause with Cerberus... It's just not in our best interests right now."
"Uh-huh," Shepard says doubtfully, "Then what am I supposed to do? I'm not going to be mean to her. She's a nice kid."
"You'll figure something out," Miranda whispers, bringing her lips close to Shepard's ear. "You'll need to. I don't share."
Shepard "ahs" and throws her a patronising smile. "I seeeeee. Now we're getting to the crux of it. You're the jealous type, hmm?"
"Jealous?" Miranda asks, making sure to keep her tone suitably offended and incredulous, "Don't be absurd. I just think that I'm worthy of your full attention."
Shepard eyes her off suspiciously. "You're absolutely worth my full attention, no argument here. But you can't blame people for wanting a piece of the ol' Shepard's pie. I am adorable." Miranda quirks her eyebrows in a unimpressed fashion and Shepard gives a conceding nod. "Okay, okay, I'll sort something out with Kelly. Maybe she'd settle for my autograph on one of her tits?"
Miranda rolls her eyes. "Thank you for your sincerity, as usual."
Shepard laughs and grabs Miranda's hand. "I'm sorry, I'm just playing. You've just surprised me a bit, I thought you were a lot more confident than this."
"Confidence and trust are mutually exclusive," Miranda answers sourly, a policy that has governed most of her life.
Shepard scratches her head and narrows her eyes. "No they're not. Not at all. It takes confidence to trust somebody. If you don't trust me, it's because you're not confident."
Miranda frowns fiercely, wondering how a lack of faith in somebody else's behavior could possibly be a reflection of her confidence. "That makes absolutely no sense."
"Listen and learn, Lawson. Let's use a battle for an example. I go out there and I trust you to have my back, despite the fact that I've seen ballerinas that are more heavily armoured than you, because I have confidence in your ability to not get me killed. Get it?"
Miranda screws up her face. "That is a truly terrible example, Shepard."
"Okay, I'll try something a bit closer to home then. Take a relationship. Our relationship. In order for you to trust me, you need to be confident in your own instincts, and the quality of the person you've chosen. Do you suddenly think you're a bad judge of character? Do you think you would drop your impeccable standards for some philanderous slob?" Shepard punctuates her point by pausing to take a swig of her beer.
"No," Miranda answers quietly.
Nodding stiffly, Shepard lays a soft hand on Miranda's knee. "If you don't trust me when I've given you no cause to doubt me, it's got nothing to do with me, and everything to do with you. You've had a bad run, I totally get that. Everything even remotely good that has ever happened to you has been a result of careful planning, hard work and strict control. It doesn't have to be like that with me. I have absolutely no interest in running about."
Miranda sits back and contemplates. "That actually makes a bit of sense, Jane," she says in surprise.
Shepard laughs and elbows Miranda in the arm. "Gee, thanks! Try not to sound too shocked. The last time I checked, I wasn't exactly the village idiot."
Miranda gives an embarrassed chuckle. "Sorry, I know. I'm just not used to receiving a new perspective. Thank you."
"You're welcome, precious. Now come on, you've done your time. I'll go and set up a bar-tab for the girls and get you back to my cabin. Maybe you'll let me prove that you are, without a doubt, the only thing that's on my mind. Well, you and the Collectors. Which, granted, isn't exactly the sexiest combination, but lucky for you, I'm good at compartmentalising."
"You are so wasted on military life, Shepard. The galaxy has truly been robbed of one of the greatest orators of our time."
Shepard pulls Miranda up lightly to her feet, and closes the distance between them. "There is only room in this relationship for one smartass, and don't you forget it. Now get moving before you earn yourself a spanking."
Miranda barges through the door without even waiting for the justicar to invite her in. "Samara, I need to speak with you immediately."
Samara turns around serenely, and the biotic field around her dissipates instantly.
"Miranda, this is so unnecessary," Shepard says sharply, coming up behind her and gripping her elbow tightly, an action that Miranda jerks out of immediately.
"What is troubling you, Miranda? I shall do my best to put your mind at ease," the matriarch says in an low, even voice.
Miranda grits her teeth and, in an unusual show of unprofessionalism, she raises her voice. "You're asking Shepard to go and seduce an asari that can kill with her mind? That is lunacy!"
Samara gracefully unfolds herself from her meditation position and stands up. "I will be with her every step of the way, Miranda. Morinth is a dangerous murderer, addicted to killing, who will destroy many more lives if she is not stopped. Commander Shepard is my only hope of drawing her out."
"By using her as bait?" Miranda growls, cocking her hip and crossing her arms.
Samara turns her back and glances out the window, her voice remaining calm. "Yes, Shepard will be the lure. I will not lie to you, Miranda, the commander will be in danger, but no more than she was in when she had Eclipse mercenaries shooting at her to fulfill your needs."
The air hisses through Shepard's teeth at Samara's forward statement. "Yeah, that's probably not the best way to bring her over to your cause, Samara."
"That is a completely unfair comparison. The Eclipse mercenaries were shooting at her - poorly, I might add - with guns. She had armour, shields and cover to protect herself. They weren't going to slink off and have sex with her until she died. You're asking too much, Samara," Miranda protests, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks and her voice.
Samara gets a small, knowing smile on her face. "I see. So your fears extend beyond that for your commander's safety, and stretch into concerns for your bondmate's fidelity?"
Miranda scowls, completely aware that she must look like a petulant child, but too thrown off by the justicar's accusation to do anything else. "What? Bondmate? Shepard and I are co-workers - "
Shepard pats Miranda affectionately on the shoulder. "Cut the bullshit, little M, this is an asari matriarch you're talking to. She can smell a lie."
Miranda feels the heat in her cheeks extend to colour, the blush of her face being all the acknowledgment anybody even halfway intelligent would need. "But... we've been careful. How did you know?"
Samara looks between Shepard and Miranda. "When two strong beings find their match, they place a mark upon each others souls, which is visible to a spiritually evolved creature, such as myself. The closest translation that comes to mind is what you humans call a 'soul-mate'."
"Oh…" Miranda says, hazarding a look over her shoulder at Shepard, who's squirming visibly at the asari's words, a deep grimace marking her brow.
"My many years of life have also heightened my senses, particularly my hearing, and my quarters are just below the commander's. She is obviously a skilled and devoted lover. You are very lucky, Miranda."
Shepard shoots a quick glance at Miranda's fire-hot, reddening cheeks, before she throws her head back and barks out a laugh. Miranda has never harboured suicidal thoughts before, but at this very moment, jumping out of an airlock would be preferable to staying in this room.
Samara's face remains impassive, her tone confident and melodic. "You needn't fear for your commander on either count. My daughter is beautiful, and deadly, but so is Shepard. And she has her love for you to grant her strength in the face of Morinth's power."
"Love…?" Miranda repeats the word unconsciously, kicking herself internally for sounding like an uneducated teenager.
"Bondmate, soul marking, love; can you tap the brakes a bit, Samara?" Shepard grunts impatiently, her earlier mirth having disappeared as the conversation has quickly gotten too deep for her.
"I am sorry if I have spoken out of turn, Commander. You humans have different customs than the asari when it comes to claiming a mate. I think it would be best if I returned to my meditations now."
Shepard yanks Miranda's elbow and peels out of the room with her. "Goddamn it. Between her and the fucking drell, I've heard about as much philosophical bullshit as I can stand," she grumbles as she leads the way to Miranda's cabin.
"I'm not okay with this, Jane," Miranda says as they make their way down the illuminated corridor.
Shepard picks up the pace and practically throws Miranda into her cabin, smacking the door control behind her. As soon as the door has closed, she turns and takes Miranda's face in her hands, looking deeply and sincerely into her lover's eyes. "You have trust issues. I get it, I really do. But I'm not going to do anything. And if I do, I'll be dead. You can even refuse to rebuild me this time, just to teach me a lesson." She pulls Miranda in and hugs her closely.
"This isn't a joke, Jane," Miranda mumbles into the commander's shoulder.
Shepard releases her and takes a step back. "Do I look like I'm laughing? I'm serious, Miranda. We've decided to be together, and I don't mess around with that. I would never cheat on you. With anyone, least of all some serial-killing asari succubus. If you don't believe that, then I honestly don't know what you're bothering with me for."
Miranda drops her head. "I'm sorry, Shepard. But if you knew my father, you'd understand. He was obsessed with controlling every aspect of my life. Nobody was ever on my side, nothing was ever mine - "
"I am," Shepard interrupts as she steps in and peppers Miranda's cheek with gentle kisses. "I am yours."
"How's that for fucking gratitude?" Shepard fumes as she stalks into Miranda's cabin and throws her top off.
"What?" Miranda asks, looking up from the terminal and letting her eyes follow the view of the stripping commander.
"I helped her snuff her crazy kid yesterday, and now she's threatening to kill me!"
"Samara threatened you?" Miranda asks as she reflexively stands from her desk.
Shepard sits on the bed and drags her boots off angrily. "Yes! Can you believe that? Said that I've done some stuff that will compel her to attack me once her oath is over. What have I done? I'm a good person!"
Miranda pauses and bites her lip.
"Well, you did kill those batarians in the Omega plague zone."
"If they were stupid enough to drop their weapons, they deserved to die."
"And you pushed that mercenary out of the window on Ilium."
"He was being rude."
"And you let that incapacitated volus get himself killed by a band of Eclipse."
"Volus have a short life expectancy anyway."
"And you assassinated that unarmed politician on the Citadel."
"He was… a dick."
"And don't even get me started on your behavior pre-resurrection. You destroyed an entire species, you let the council go down in flames, and your actions on Asteroid X57 were questionable at best, war crimes at worst. You're lucky you weren't court-martialed."
"...Are you done yet? Whose side are you on, Miranda?"
Miranda moves over to the bed and snakes an arm around Shepard's waist. "Yours, as always."
Shepard grumbles incoherently as she pulls her pants off.
"Well, you're not playing coy tonight," Miranda says as she hooks a finger in Shepard's pantyline.
"Huh?" Shepard says as she looks down and notices Miranda's tugging hand. "Oh, nah, not tonight. I'm borrowing your shower. Gardner needs to fix the pipes in mine. I've gotta get ready quickly and head out for drinks with Jack tonight."
Miranda's hand recoils at the sound of the name. "Ugh, why?"
"Because I like her, and I lost a shitload of credit with her when I stuck up for you the other night," Shepard says with a a quick glance at Miranda. "I thought I could win her over by spending a bit of bonding time with her. Have at least one powerful biotic on this ship that doesn't want to kill me."
"I don't trust you two together. This has disaster written all over it."
"It will be fine," Shepard says, standing up and planting a swift kiss on Miranda's cheek. "Nothing bad will happen."
4 hours later
"Miranda, something bad happened…" Shepard says as she stumbles into the XO's cabin.
Miranda snaps to attention and sits up, her eyes adjusting to the dark. "Light!" she commands, and her cabin is bathed in the harsh glare from her nearby lamp. "What have you done, Shepard?"
Shepard sits on the end of the bed with her head in her hands. "You're going to be so angry."
Miranda moves closer, and starts to feel her pulse rate rise. "Just tell me what you did!"
"It was all Jack's idea. I only went along with it because I was drunk. Oh lord I am never drinking again!" Shepard says mournfully.
Miranda crawls even closer, and the smell of Shepard enters her nose. She has possibly spent the night bathing in whiskey, from the strength of the scent, and she's had at least one shot of ryncol, but there's something else underlying it, something familiar that Miranda can't quite put her finger on.
"For God's sake Shepard! Are you going to tell me or not?"
Shepard slowly lifts her tee-shirt above her head, revealing the bandage in the middle of her lower back. The third scent suddenly hits Miranda. Medigel.
"Jane..." Miranda whimpers as her eyes widen in horror with the realisation. "Please, tell me you didn't?"
Shepard nods her head slowly. "I did. I hereby throw myself at your mercy."
"What did you get, Shepard?" Miranda asks, not even trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.
"Take a look for yourself," Shepard says quietly, and Miranda gently pulls back the bandage.
There, staring out up at her, in all its glory, right in the middle of the commander's lower back, is a freshly inked tattoo.
"It's a… lower case m?" Miranda asks, trying to catch a look at Shepard's face.
"Little M, get it? It seemed like a romantic gesture at the time." Shepard drags the heels of her hands down her cheekbones. "Oh God, I already regret this."
"That is... umm... very permanent," Miranda says as runs her thumb along Shepard's new tattoo. Despite her own personal abhorrence of body art, the foolish, poorly thought out and impulsive gesture makes her smile.
"No shit! How am I gonna explain this one to the next Cerberus babe who has to rebuild me?"
Miranda flicks the newly inked flesh with a precision strike of her index finger. "Arse."
"You love it," Shepard says, turning around with a lopsided smile and a whiskey flavored kiss.
The elevator closes behind Miranda, just as the door to Shepard's cabin is opening. A beetroot red Kelly Chambers steps out, dressed in one of Shepard's hoodies and a tight, burgundy catsuit that would be better suited to a stripper.
"What are you doing, Kelly?" Miranda asks instantly, not hiding the fury in her voice.
Kelly refuses to respond or even look at Miranda as she burns a brighter shade of red, slinking past the operative and into the already open elevator. Miranda feels a white hot flash of anger as she storms into Shepard's cabin. Shepard is standing in her cargo pants and bra, straightening out her bed, with sexy music thrumming in the background.
"Get out, Kelly, we're done here," Shepard snaps as she finishes the last corner.
"I bet you are," Miranda says coldly, hands on her hips, tapping her foot.
Shepard whirls around, her face full of alarm. "Miranda... fuck. This is completely not how it looks."
"It looks like you just slept with Kelly Chambers, so please, enlighten me," Miranda responds stiffly, feeling the blood in her veins turn to ice.
"She's just got a little crush. I set her straight. It doesn't have to be a big deal," Shepard says, her voice slightly shaky and her hands attempting a calming gesture.
"Not a big deal?! I told you I don't share! Damn it, I can't believe I actually listened to your bullshit!" Miranda turns on her heel and starts storming towards the door, but Shepard sprints after her, blocking the way with her body.
"I don't want to be shared," she insists, her voice growing high with panic. "I swear I didn't touch her. Well, I did, but not in a good way. Please just calm down and let me talk."
Miranda scowls at her soon-to-be ex-lover. "You're topless, and your bed has obviously been used. Rather recently, I imagine. Chambers couldn't even look me in the eye just now. You and I have absolutely nothing to talk about. Get out of my way!"
She goes to step around Shepard, who grabs her waist with both hands and tries to hold her in place. Miranda reels her entire arm back and slaps Shepard across the face. It's the hardest, most singularly satisfying slap she has ever delivered, and the soldier takes a few steps back, shocked by the blow. Miranda uses the gap to step past Shepard and into the small walkway between her cabin and the elevator.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't you dare cry over her.
Shepard recovers quickly and grabs her by the elbow.
"Don't touch me!" Miranda shouts as she snaps around, throwing a biotic blast that sends the commander slamming into the wall.
"Miranda... please," Shepard calls out pitifully as Miranda steps into the elevator and lets the doors hiss closed behind her.
Miranda pinches the bridge of her nose as she waits for the shock to wear off and the pain to sink in. She doesn't have to wait long.
She dashes to her cabin the moment the elevator stops, feeling the relief as her cabin door closes behind her. She takes a seat on the end of her bed, the tears welling dangerously. Her commlink beeps furiously, but she ignores it. Shepard is a smooth talker, but not that smooth. She throws herself back on the bed and stares at the ceiling. She forces the pain and the tears down, way down into her abdomen where she forces all her feelings. She won't be surprised if she dies of a stomach ulcer in ten years time, but for now, this is is an effective way of pain management.
She starts to rebuild her internal barriers, layer by layer, cursing herself for ever letting them down in the first place. The part of her that smiles for no reason, the part of her that blushes like a child in the commander's presence, and the deep, aching cavity in the center of her chest, she shuts them all off.
"Operative Lawson, you requested to be alerted in the instance that Commander Shepard's body goes into physical distress."
"Not now EDI."
"The commander's heartbeat and blood pressure are currently elevated, and she appears to be injured."
Miranda feels a stab of guilt. She shouldn't have slapped her. She definitely shouldn't have used biotics on her. Well, not in that way. She moves back to a sitting position and rubs her collarbone uncomfortably.
"Alert Dr Chakwas, EDI. I'm not the commander's physician."
"Operative Lawson, I have an audio recording from the captain's cabin that seems likely to yield relevant information."
"Please EDI, I really don't want to hear it."
"Commencing playback:"
*Knock knock*
"Okay Liara, I gotta get off the link, there's someone at my door."
"Expecting company, Shepard?"
"Heh, hoping, but never expecting. She's got an important job to do."
"Is there something you haven't been telling me, hmm?"
"Well, actually, I have been meaning to tell you about it. It's still early, but it's been pretty intense. I am... happy... Very happy."
"I'm pleased to hear that your relationship with the perfect Miss Lawson is going so well."
"..."
"Shepard?"
"I never get to surprise you with anything anymore!"
"I'm a very good information broker."
"Wait... you bugged my ship?!"
"Shepard, please. The Normandy is flying Cerberus colors, and the Alliance is working on your treason case. Of course I bugged your ship."
"Shit Liara, do you know how much that's going to psych me out the next time she's in my cabin? Can you at least turn the bedroom ones off or something?"
"By the goddess, Commander! I do not have feeds in your bedrooms. There's no need, you are hardly famous for your discretion. I just hope you know what you're doing. If she turns on you..."
"She's not going to turn on me Liara. Well, not unless I do something to deserve it. Then she'll probably drill me right between the eyes at point blank range. She doesn't stab people in the back, she shoots them straight from the hip, just the way I like it."
"Shepard, if I didn't know you any better, I might think that you were gushing."
"Pfft, Liara, I'm Commander Shepard. And there are three things that Commander Shepard doesn't do. Gush over women, negotiate with batarians, and drive stick. End of story."
"The first two are probably true, but the Mako was a stick shift and you drove that all the time. I think I still have the contusions to prove it."
"Not the type of stick I was talking about, Li."
"But, what - "
"Shh, I'll explain it when you're older."
*Knock knock*
"Shit, I've really gotta go. I'll swing by your office the next time I'm in Blueville and I'll buy you something shiny."
"For the last time, Shepard, it's called Ilium, not Blu - "
"Sorry, you're breaking up! Bye!"
*Commlink disconnects*
"Come in!"
*Hiss*
"Hello Commander. I'm just here to feed your fish."
"Oh thanks for remembering Kelly, but that's okay, they've already b - Holy shit, Chambers! What are you wearing?"
"You wouldn't dance with me when we went out last week, so I thought I'd dance for you."
"Terrible idea, Kelly. Here, take my jumper, cover up and go back downstairs."
*The sound of a body hitting a mattress and music being turned on*
"I'm not taking no for an answer this time, Commander. Just lie back, and relax."
"Kelly, I'm serious. Get off me now, and we can pretend this never happened. I don't want to hurt you."
"You'd never hurt me Commander. I knew it from the moment I met you. I trust you implicitly - "
*The sound of a quick struggle*
"- Ow! Commander, you're hurting me! Get off!"
"I wasn't talking about hurting your feelings, Kelly, I was talking about literally kicking your ass, because I've told you no three times now, and you won't stop rubbing against me. I like you, you're a good yeoman and a nice girl, but I am not interested in you. Have I made myself clear?"
"I… Yes Commander. I'm sorry, I thought you were playing hard to get."
"I don't play games, Kelly. I'm with somebody. Somebody who's going to throw a warp field at me if she smells your perfume on my tee-shirt. Shit."
"I'll just leave then. Maybe I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah, whatever. And put that jumper on for God's sake. I don't want the crew seeing you like this."
*Hiss*
*The sound of a tee-shirt being pulled off and a bed being remade*
*Hiss*
"Get out Kelly, we're done here."
"I bet you are."
"Cease playback EDI!" Oh. My. God. Miranda races out of her office. The elevator feels as if it's deliberately going slow, grinding every gear to draw out the torture. The captain's cabin is still unlocked, so she bursts in, not confident that Shepard will let her in willingly.
Shepard is sitting on the end of the bed, her elbows leaning on her thighs, her head and shoulders slumped. She looks up warily, and that's when Miranda notices the angry red hand-print across her cheek and the split lower lip.
"I won't even waste my time denying it. A jury would've given me the biotic-chair based on that evidence. Just say and do whatever you need to, Miranda, I won't fight you." Shepard drops her head again and stares at her feet. "I knew I'd screw this up. I'm a fucking idiot," she mumbles bitterly to herself, rubbing her temples.
Miranda crosses the room and sits on the end of the bed, putting a foot of space between them. "I'm sorry," she says faintly.
Shepard exhales with a relieved sounding sigh. "Don't be. I know what that looked like. That was the worst string of luck I've ever experienced, and keep in mind that the source of that comment has been spaced out of her own damn ship before."
Miranda laughs hollowly.
Shepard looks over at her. "My 23 year old secretary? I mean, am I a total cliche now? You're the one I want to be with, Miranda. I really don't know what else to say."
Miranda sighs and drops her gaze to the ground. "Trust… does not come naturally do me. A lesson I learned very early on in life, courtesy of my father."
Shepard clenches her fists and grinds her teeth audibly. "That man… the second I see him, he's dead."
"Shepard…"
"No, don't Shepard me. Even now, after all these years away from him, he's still affecting you. The cold demeanor, the distrust, the distance. It drains the joy from you."
Miranda puts her hand on Shepard's thigh, and the soldier places her hand on top of it. "Why are you so willing to hear me out now anyway?" Shepard ventures after a moment of silence.
"You forgot to block EDI from your cabin."
Shepard breathes deeply and sits back. "Wow, Commander Shepard, saved by an AI. That's some fucking irony."
Miranda looks into Shepard's face, feeling a surge of guilt at the bloodied lip. She reaches up a hand to touch it. "Jane…"
"It's okay," Shepard says, shrugging her away. "Nothing a dab of medigel won't fix." She thumbs the busted lip thoughtfully. "I'll tell you what though, my days of calling biotics weak are over, that's for damn sure. I haven't been hit by a slam like that since I fought a squad of asari commandos back on Noveria. Full credit to you."
Miranda moves to the side of the bed and pulls out the commander's personal supply of medigel. She applies a small amount to the end of her finger, and crawls back towards Jane. She runs the medigel along Shepard's lower lip, making eye contact with the commander as she does it.
The commander's gaze is naked with emotion, this afternoon's encounter having been rough on her too. "It's taken me three months of work and a big fucking grappling hook, but I feel like I've finally climbed over your wall. Please don't shut me out again."
Miranda moves her hand and lets it rest on Shepard's cheek. "I won't. I trust you, Jane," she says quietly.
Shepard smiles weakly and nuzzles her cheek into her lover's palm. "No, you don't And that's okay, it will come in time. I know how hard this is for you. Thank you for at least trying. I promise I won't ever let you down."
Miranda leans in and tenderly brushes her lips against Shepard's freshly healed mouth. The soldier places a hand on the back of her head and threads her fingers through Miranda's raven colored hair, pulling her in closer. Shepard increases the pressure and parts her lips slightly, allowing them to overlap with Miranda's. They both hold the position for a long time, until their hands stop shaking and their hearts stop pounding. Miranda finally breaks the kiss and leans back. Shepard is smiling at her.
"Are we good?" Shepard asks, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against Miranda's.
"Yes," Miranda responds, getting another quick kiss from Shepard.
"Good. I hope I at least earned a bit of credit today. I have just gone down in history as the first Alliance marine to say no to a lap dance. God, that used to be my favorite pastime," Shepard says wistfully as she runs her fingers through Miranda's thick tresses.
Miranda laughs softly and maneuvers herself on top of Shepard, straddling the soldier's lap.
Shepard's eyes look up and meet hers. "What's this? Another apology?"
"It only seems fair," Miranda murmurs, as she wraps her arms around Shepard's neck and begins to rhythmically grind her hips.
Shepard puts her hands on Miranda's waist and pulls her in close, clinging to her tightly. "You don't have to do that. It was a stupid comment for me to make."
Miranda swipes her hands away and pushes her down on the bed, pinning Shepard's wrists above her head. "No touching the dancers, Shepard," Miranda says sternly, as she leans forward and rubs her chest along Shepard's torso.
"Oh God," Shepard whispers, "I didn't realize you could dance like this."
Miranda runs her breath along Shepard's neck, feeling the commander shudder beneath her. "Of course I can. I was engineered to have a natural sense of rhythm and graceful movements."
"Good to know," Shepard says as a flush begins to work its way up her neck. "EDI! Cease all recordings in the captain's cabin!" she calls out.
"Yes, Commander. Enjoy."
