Rachel and I remained in our clearing for some time after that. We just continued to hug for the most part, but every now and then I came out with another apology and Rachel just told me not to worry about it. Eventually though we parted and Rachel said that she had to get back home. We gave each other one last kiss before she began to make her way out of the clearing and I began to demorph. I flew all the way back to her house with her just because I was happy I still could. After she finally made it back I apologized one last time before finally saying goodbye and flying off in the other direction.
That's the moment that my mind finally turned away from Rachel and began to focus on... well... my mate. It felt very strange to think about her like I did at that moment though. I had been trying to avoid her for the past two weeks and I would've done anything to get rid of her, but in the past few hours things had turned around completely. Not only did Rachel forgive me for mating with her, but she also wanted me to raise my offspring like a normal hawk father would do.
The female hawk and I had a lot of catching up to do if we were going to do this right. I had been, for all intensive purposes, a huge jerk to her. I know that I was trying to prevent her from mating with me, and I was shocked that she continued trying to do so after everything I did, but now that things had turned out this way I think I owed her a bit of an apology. I even flew out on her soon after we mated which must have been a really big insult to her. That was probably the rudest thing I could've done at that moment. She was probably having second thoughts about mating with me since hasn't seen me since. I know that she's just a hawk and I was probably looking too far into all these emotions that she probably wouldn't have, but that's no reason to treat her like I did. I never wanted to hurt her but, at least in my opinion anyway, I had done just that. And I was going to find a way to make it up to her!
But that would have to wait for the next day. After I left Rachel's house there was only enough light for me to find my way back to my territory. Although I did catch a decent sized squirrel on the way back I still didn't want to risk going to look for the female hawk until the next morning. Heck, she was way better at finding me then I was at finding her anyway. And with all the flapping I'd have to do and all the owls I'd have to avoid I didn't see much of a reason to find her at that moment. Besides, she was probably already sleeping herself. Tomorrow morning we could start fresh with our relationship and, well, begin building a nest I guess. That was what my hawk mind was telling me to do anyway. So when I finally made it to my field I perched up in my tree and started to get some sleep. I hated to admit it, but I was kinda looking forward to tomorrow.
As soon as the sun rose the next morning I woke up and began to search for my mate. Luckily I had a big dinner the night before so I didn't feel too bad about skipping breakfast. I figured that we could share something to eat between us once I found her. It would be something like our first meal together; It'd be kinda "romantic" for us to share our first meal together.
I had basically no idea where I was going though. I mean, she had always found me when she needed to. It was never the other way around. I had a vague idea where her territory might be, but other than that I had nothing to go on... except... The first place I decided to look was the last place I'd seen her; the place that we'd mated. It was worth a shot. So as soon as I was in the air I pointed myself in that direction and began flapping.
Along the way though I spotted something interesting. I was cruising just above the trees when something suddenly caught my eye. I circled around to get a closer look and realized it was just a stick. But it wasn't just any stick. It was THE stick! The perfect stick to use as a base in a hawk's nest. Don't ask me how I knew it was the perfect stick, I just did. To this day I still can't tell you what was so special about it, but my hawk brain knew I had to have it. So I swooped down in between the trees and grabbed it firmly in my talons. This would be the perfect way to apologize to my mate for treating her like I had! So as soon as I had a firm grip on the stick I continued to make my way towards the last spot I'd seen her.
And guess what? It just so happened that she was there! It was almost as if she was waiting for me to come back! As I slowly got closer to the spot I'd seen her last I began to see enough detail in the distant trees to make out the outline of a hawk. And it wasn't long after that before I was sure it was her. Of course she also saw me coming around the same time. And when she saw what I was holding in my talons she also knew exactly what it was for. She wasted no time in taking off from the tree she was perched in before beginning to fly in my direction.
Once we met up we exchanged a few dips, dives, and rolls between each other. It's basically like a hawk's way of saying hello or even kissing I guess. And I also wanted to show her that I was going to get serious about our relationship. No more running and no more hiding. I had mated with her and now I was ready to begin then next part of the process. The maneuvers I did up in the sky were more than just a greeting, they were a sign of my commitment. At that moment I promised to be the best mate and parent I could be to her, and only after that moment did I feel like we were finally a couple.
I really can't explain why I was feeling so... drawn to my mate at the time. I'd like to blame it all on the hawk part of my brain, but I really don't know if I could. The truth is that after I was sure everything would be okay with Rachel I finally realized what was really going to happen. I was not only going to be a father but I was going to be a husband as well. Sure I was a bit scared at the thought, but I was also a bit excited. This was something new and interesting that I had been wanting to try ever since I became a hawk. To get a mate and make babies just felt... right. I knew I was supposed to do it in order to further the hawk species, but I still think there was more than that to it.
You see, one of the main reasons that I loved Rachel so much was because she was the first one to show me that she really cared about me. I'm sure the other Animorphs cared about me as well, but none of them showed it quite like Rachel did which is why I always think of her as being special. But then this female hawk had to come along and insist that I mate with her. In a kind of weird way she also cared about me tremendously. She cared enough that she wouldn't take no for an answer and continued to follow me until she got what she wanted. And even after I had done everything in my power to avoid her over the past almost two weeks she didn't seem resentful towards me at all. She still wanted us to be mates and she wanted us to build a nest and raise a family together. Call me crazy, but in my eyes she cared about me a lot. And that was one of the main reasons that I... I loved her. It was a different love than Rachel and I shared, but it was still love in it's simplest form. And that's why I wanted to be with her and raise the best family we possibly could.
She was apparently more eager to get things started than I was though. As soon as we greeted each other she made a quick turn and began flying North. Being a bit curious as to where she was going I decided followed her. And when I flew on up beside her I instantly knew that she'd intended for me to follow her. She increased her pace a bit so she was just slightly ahead of me and I settled on in behind her.
It didn't take long for her to reach her intended target. And when she landed near the top of a decently sized oak tree I knew what she was trying to tell me. I could do nothing but agree; This tree was a perfect spot to build our nest.
We had kind of a late start on the whole "mating" thing and we were a brand new couple, so it was obvious that we wouldn't be getting any prime nesting locations. But this spot that she had picked out seemed good enough on it's own. It was nice and high to protect against anything from the ground and it had the nicest little split in the main trunk that would be a perfect place to brace a nest against. In fact there was a fairly deteriorated nest sitting in that exact spot which just proved that this site would work. But the nest didn't look all that salvageable and, to be honest, I wanted to build a fresh new one to commemorate the fresh new bond between my mate and I.
She was just as eager to begin as I was, and before I knew it she was already attacking the old nest to finish it off. I helped a little bit as well, but the old nest didn't really need all that much help in the first place. Removing a few of the main structural supports was all it took before she gave it a good push and watched it fall to the ground. Now all that was left was to put the stick I'd found in the right place and we could begin building our own nest. My hawk brain knew exactly where it went and it fit perfectly. But after I'd placed it I knew this was no time to rest. I had a job to do. So I quickly took off from our nest site and began to search for more good sticks. What I was looking for I wasn't quite sure, but my hawk brain would know when I saw it.
And that was basically how I spent my entire day. I would go out searching for a stick we needed and when I found it or something like it I would bring it back to the nest. Then my mate would carefully weave it into the nest while I went out and searched for another stick. But I didn't just search for sticks exclusively. It took a while since my mind was preoccupied with building a nest, but eventually I began to get hungry. I hadn't eaten all day and I didn't know when my mate had eaten either, but we were both pretty hungry. Luckily for me I managed to spot and catch a decent sized rabbit on one of my trips out. I took it back to our nesting site and we both began to dig in almost instantly. It was the first meal we shared together and I still remember it like it was yesterday.
By the time the sun began to go down our nest wasn't completely finished but it was getting close. We had worked fast today and most of the main structure of the nest was already done. We just had some cosmetic and cushioning work left to do.
I was extremely tired from flying all over the woods and back so many times today that I didn't even want to fly back to my own territory to sleep. And, even though she didn't do much flying, my mate was also looking a bit tired as well. I guess building a nest is more tiring than I thought. So once the sun began to go down we both decided to sleep together on a branch that was right next to our nest. That way no owls would try and take it from us during the night. Before we fell asleep though we preened each other's feathers. It's hard to really relate that to anything a human couple might do, but if I had to try it would be like a couple climbing into bed and snuggling together for the night. But it was more than that. It was also done to thank the other for doing such a good job during the day. And, as always, it would help make it easier to fly in the morning.
The next day we didn't quite finish the nest, but that didn't mean we didn't work hard. Every part of my body ached as the sun began to set, but the nest was almost done so it was worth it. We had really made good time on it, especially when my mate also began searching for twigs close to the nest at the same time. The only thing left to worry about was the inner lining and I had a crazy idea on what to do about that.
The next morning, after my mate had caught us both breakfast (she woke up earlier than I did), I flew off to the junkyard. I had seen a few interesting things there, but the one I was most interested in now was a leather couch. It had a few holes and had seen better days, but it looked so comfy! I couldn't resist trying it out as a human one day so I did, and it had to be the comfiest couch I'd ever sat on. So what better material to line, pad, and insulate my nest with than a leather couch? I can almost guarantee that we'd be the only pair of hawks that had a leather lined nest in the entire world.
Once I swooped down into the junkyard I morphed into my human morph and began to look for something sharp (not all that hard in a junkyard with various bits of twisted metal strewn about). Once I found something I could use I flipped over the worst looking cushion and began to cut out a circle about four feet in diameter (as big as I could really). That would be enough to cover the entire bottom of our nest as well as the sides with a little bit extra to lean over the edges. That would make for super easy cleanup whenever we needed to push something out of the nest. Next I cut out about a two foot circle of foam from the cushion so I could place on the bottom of the nest. Once I had everything cut out I wrapped the foam circle in the leather and tied together with a small piece of string that I could hold on to. Once that was done I demorphed back to my hawk form, picked up my package, and began to fly back to my nest.
Needless to say my mate was very curious when I returned carrying a large brown circle. But since she trusted me she just stepped aside and watched as I began to try and cut the string with my beak. After a bit of struggling I finally managed to cut and remove the string (not an easy task without hands and fingers), but as a result of my cutting the string both the foam and the leather fell off the tree and landed on the ground. My mate just looked on slightly amused as I went to pick up the foam first.
I had cut the piece of foam a bit too big, but with some on site trimming with my beak (it tasted horrible in case you were wondering) I managed to fit the foam circle tightly into the bottom of our nest. And as I swooped down to collect the leather piece I saw my mate shimmy over and take a peak at the foam inside the nest, but I was back up with the leather before she could touch anything. It took a bit of work getting the large piece of leather in place and pushed down into the nest, all the while my mate looking on curiously, but when it was finished it was all worth it. The leather circle was the perfect size and about six inches draped over the side of the nest around the perimeter. The only problem that I hadn't thought about was the wind though. If we got a nice breezy day before my mate laid her eggs then the leather could easily fly off. I could fix that by wrapping some string tightly around the perimeter to secure the leather in place, but I knew it would be impossible to do as a hawk. I'd have to wait until my mate left the area before I could morph and make the necessary adjustments as a human. Even though I think she realized that I could turn into a human and various other animals very early on I really didn't like morphing around her. I didn't want to scare her by doing something like that. Who knows what might happen then?
Anyway, after I was finished patting down the leather and was satisfied with my work I finally let my mate see what I had done firsthand. She seemed a bit tentative about everything at first since it wasn't exactly normal nest bedding, but one she finally stepped in and sat down in the nest she realized that it would work just as good if not better than some pine needles and various other "natural" nest bedding. She was always a very smart hawk and she was willing to do things that seemed a bit unorthodox if she liked the results. This was only one of a handful of examples of that.
Either way our nest was finally finished at this point, so all that was left to do was to guard it against anyone else who wanted to use it. Since we had a late start on the whole mating thing there wasn't a whole lot of competition for our nest (actually, I think that my mate had claimed this area way before she even began to "seduce" me. Otherwise there undoubtedly would've been another hawk or owl pair that would've loved to use this tree. It was a good spot to build a nest.) There was an owl who tried to scope out our nesting site one night, but since there were two of us and only one female owl we easily chased her away. Other than that we didn't have any problems. For the most part only one of us guarded the nest at a time while the other either hunted for some food or just got in a good flight to stretch their wings.
A few days after lining the nest I finally got a chance to secure the leather and just in time too. The next day was a very windy day and I was glad I secured the leather down. It held beautifully and I must say it looked pretty nice as well.
My mate was usually the one who insisted on guarding the nest (I blame it on maternal instinct), but I wasn't complaining. This gave me some free time which I desperately needed. I knew that I wouldn't have much if any free time once the eggs hatched so I had to make the most of it now.
Most of my free time was spent with Rachel since I promised that I wouldn't let anything change between us. I tried extremely hard to keep that promise, but I knew it would be impossible. I knew I would have less and less time to spend with her, but I was hoping that she'd understand. At first, after she had some time to calm down and think about things, she told me that she really didn't like the idea of me having babies with a female hawk after all and she was having second thoughts about what she'd told me in our secret spot. I guess I couldn't really blame her. I know I wouldn't have liked it if someone else made Rachel pregnant. But now that a lot of the sudden and explosive emotions were gone from both of us we were able to talk about everything openly and civilly. I was completely honest when Rachel asked me if I was in love with my mate and I told her that in a way I was, but it was a different kind of love. I still loved Rachel just as much as I ever had and was willing to prove it to her any way I could. I don't think she was ever really satisfied with that answer, but I tried really hard to continue showing her the same affection I'd been showing her before I mated with my mate and eventually she came around. By the end of the whole ordeal she actually seemed pretty supportive of my offspring actually. Besides Ax she was the only one that ever knew where my nest was and she flew by a few times to look at the eggs and then the eyasses and then even the fledglings. She always said how cute they were and how good a parent I must be and whatnot. I think she almost looked at them like her own possible children in a weird sort of way. I guess she kinda thought that if I could raise good hawk children that I could undoubtedly raise some good human children as well. Of course she never said anything of the sort, but I could kinda guess from her responses.
The rest of the Animorphs learned what was going on with me at our next meeting, although most of them already knew. I had told Cassie and Rachel personally. Ax grew worried when I suddenly vanished so he went to ask Jake if he knew anything about it. Jake asked Cassie if she knew anything and from there the story made it's way back to Ax. The only one who didn't know was Marco, but since Marco restrained himself quite well after Jake told everyone the situation I think he already knew beforehand as well.
But after Jake had told everyone he asked me the hardest question I ever had to answer. Which was going to come first: The Animorphs or my family? I wasn't ready for a question like that and I was at a loss for words for a long time. I knew what my brain was telling me to say, but I also knew what my heart wanted me to say. Could I really choose? If I was going to be going on a long mission how could I not think about feeding my family? But how could I think about my family if I was supposed to be completely focused on the mission? One wrong move or one lapse in thought would be enough to kill one or possibly all of The Animorphs and end everything we've fought hard to protect.
But by this point in the war I'd seen too much. I couldn't let the Yeerks win after all they've done. And, it still pains me to say this, but I was just a normal everyday red-tailed hawk with a normal everyday mate who could possibly create normal everyday children who grow up to be normal everyday hawks as well. There must have been millions of other mating pairs of hawks out there making millions of new hawks just like my mate and I were trying to do. Would the ecosystem really miss one or two more hawks fighting over limited territory?
The Animorphs needed me more than any mate would. I know I'd feel bad if something happened to my family while I was on a mission, but I also knew it would be much worse to learn about something happening to The Animorphs while I was protecting my family. I knew what I had to say, but it just took me a while to say it.
The Animorphs come first, was all I said. Nobody said anything about my decision, but Jake quickly moved on to the next topic so that no one really had a chance to either. Jake wasn't finished talking about me quite yet though. Since it was decided that I would continue to play my part as an Animorph we had to figure out how exactly I was going to do that while still taking care of my family. We talked about it for a little bit before Cassie suggested that we begin storing some reserve meat for me. That way if we were to go on a mission I could leave something for my mate and eventual offspring to eat while I was busy doing what I did. Hopefully it would last until I got back.
I wasn't a huge fan of this idea really for a couple of reasons. First of all store bought meat wasn't the same as freshly caught meat by a long shot. I also didn't think that leaving large amounts of meat out in the open like that was a very good idea either. It would attract way too many predators. Cassie could try and seal it up as good as she could to help limit the smell getting out I guess, but what if my mate or offspring ate the plastic or styrofoam that the meat would undoubtedly be packaged in? Also, what if they didn't like it or didn't view it as edible food? Then what?
But, as it stood now, this was really the only option. The other one was to let my mate fend for herself and I just didn't want to take that risk. I knew there was a lot to be worked out, but I agreed to it nevertheless. It was better than nothing, right?
The next few weeks kinda flew on by, pardon the pun. My mate and I took turns watching the nest against anyone who wanted to steal it, and when I wasn't watching the nest I was usually with Rachel. She still didn't really like the idea of me having a mate at the time, but I was trying hard to show her that she was more important to me than my mate was. It wasn't easy to hide the fact that I was almost constantly thinking about how my mate was doing back at the nest, but I think I did a good job of hiding it most of the time. I never even mentioned my mate unless Rachel specifically asked me about her. And even then I only answered Rachel's question and nothing more. I was really trying to keep things like they were in the past so that Rachel wouldn't even remember that I had mated. Rachel and I did all the things we used to do before I mated and it seemed like everything was finally returning to normal between us. That is until my mate began spending all her time at the nest.
At first I didn't think much of it, but after I reminded myself how much time had passed I began to realize what was really going on. She was about to lay her eggs!
This, of course, was going to change everything. No longer would I have so much free time to spend with Rachel. Feeding myself took up a large portion of my time, so having to feed someone else would be a challenge even for me. I hoped that Rachel would understand when I didn't come to see her as much. I think she ultimately knew what was going to happen though even after all my attempts at trying to hide it from her. Maybe she was just as good at hiding it from me as I thought I was hiding it from her.
But everything didn't truly hit me until I came back to my nest one afternoon. My mate had been spending all her time at the nest so I had been going out to get food for her. She was sitting on the nest like usual, but after I gave her the food I'd caught for her she slowly stood up and let me see the single white egg with black spots underneath her. It was then that everything became "real". Up until then I knew what was going to happen, but I guess it kind of seemed like a dream to me yet. Sure I had mated and built a nest, but I still didn't feel like I was going to be a dad yet. But at that moment, seeing my mate sitting back down on that egg, I realized that it really was going to happen. I was really going to be a father!
I felt… I felt proud. Proud that I had accomplished something as significant as this. I had accomplished something that the deepest parts of my brain solely existed to do. My mate and I had successfully mated and produced an egg, and let me tell you there's no better feeling in the world than realizing you're a father. I knew from that moment on that I was going to do whatever it took to take good care of my offspring… and that I would never eat any eggs ever again. But I also remembered that I had promised to everyone that The Animorphs came first. To be honest I was beginning to second guess my decision at that point. But as the shock and excitement of seeing that first egg began to wear off I eventually came to my senses.
But that wasn't all. I wasn't aware of this at the time, but female hawks don't lay all their eggs at once. I thought that I was just going to have one more mouth to feed once the egg hatched, but as I came back from gathering food for my mate a few days later she showed me yet another egg, and a few days after that she showed me a third. Three eggs! Three eyasses to feed on top of myself and my mate? How was I ever going to do that?
You know, when Ax first heard that I had mated he was unsure if a nothlit could actually mate successfully. He had never heard a case of it happening. But I guess I proved it to him… quite definitively actually. Nothlits seemed just as "potent" as the animal they first acquired…
Anyway, the next few weeks were pretty crazy for me. I knew I had to feed myself and my mate which took up most of my time, but I also knew that I had to spend some time with Rachel. I was sure that I wouldn't be able to see her at all once the eggs hatched, so I had to make the best of it now. I often visited her right after I had caught something for my mate to eat so she'd be happy for a few hours. And by going to see Rachel I was usually skipping my own meal since I didn't want to give any less to my mate. Although it was tough I didn't care. I needed to show Rachel that she was the most important thing to me in the world, and she was definitely more important to me than grabbing some lunch.
We even hung out during the weekends occasionally as well, although not quite as much or as long as we used to. Maybe I just wasn't as good at hiding my worrying anymore or maybe Rachel knew more about it than she was letting on, but I always made it back to my nest with food before my mate had to go and find some for herself. The last thing I wanted her to do was to leave our eggs unguarded. If one of them got eaten by something then I don't know what I'd do.
She didn't guard and incubate the eggs exclusively though. Every now and then (especially after a few weeks of doing it almost exclusively) she wanted to stretch her wings or get her own food so I took her spot at the nest. It always seemed to me like I was wasting time just sitting there when I could be with Rachel or something, but I knew this was very important. I guess it was kind of a nice relaxing change of pace from frantically flying all over the place in search of food. My mate didn't let me do it all that much really, but when she did I was always proud to do it. I mean, I was protecting my kids and keeping them warm. If you've ever had kids before you'd understand. If not, well, I felt really good about it.
But there were also times where my fatherly role was pushed to the limits. I had promised everyone that The Animorphs came first and when a mission came around I couldn't say no. Those were the times that I was really scared about what could happen to my mate and the eggs. It wasn't just the fact that every mission could be my last. It had to do with the fact that I never knew when I would be back. We've had missions where we thought they'd simply be an in and out job, but they ended up turning into day long or even multi-day missions. Very rarely were the long missions any shorter than they were planned to be either. How was I supposed to feed my mate when I could possibly be back in a day or two? Proper planning and some good luck were the only things I could count on.
Whenever we went on any kind of planned mission (there were half a dozen while the eggs were being incubated) I always went to Cassie's to pick up some reserve food. We had decided to try putting the meat in a small circular tupperware container. That way it would stay protected from the elements and all the other carnivores until it was needed. The container itself wasn't all that hard to open and reseal as a hawk and since it was made of durable plastic it wouldn't be easy to break off a piece and eat it along with the meat inside. All I had to do was to teach my mate how and when to open it which, going by her intelligence level, wasn't all that hard.
I had given it a few trial runs before I went on any actual mission though. At first she didn't even see the container had any food and largely ignored it, but after I opened it and took out some meat a few times she began to get the idea. It was obvious to her right away that the meat inside wasn't the best tasting meat (store bought meat just isn't the same as freshly caught meat no matter what), but she did learn that it was food. She found out how to open it herself fairly quickly, but she was never a fan of putting the top back on afterwards. I tried to teach her how to do it right, but she never seemed to have any interest in it. But I guess as long as she got the food she needed out of the sealed container that would have to be good enough.
For the most part the tupperware idea worked pretty well. Whenever I got back from a mission I could see that nearly all of the meat was usually gone and my mate hadn't gone hungry while I was away. It wasn't quite perfect though. After coming home after quite a long mission I noticed that all the meat was gone and my mate instantly flew off the moment I landed to get some more food. She was a bit "angry" (if you could call it that) with me when she got back that I didn't get her enough food, but she got over it rather quickly. There was another time that I came home to find the container on the ground and all of the meat missing from it. I assumed that some other animal had tried to get at the meat since my mate couldn't tell me what actually happened. But overall this idea worked fairly well. Little did I know how much I would need it soon…
After about three and a half weeks had gone by my mate began to get very protective of the eggs. I mean, she wouldn't even let me near them! And I knew exactly why; they were about to hatch. I was just as excited about it as she was, but I couldn't stay and watch it happen. I had to do my part and gather food because food was going to be scarce for the next few months or so.
I did however get to see most of the first egg hatch. When I returned to the nest with some food for my mate I saw her standing up and just outside the nest. I knew immediately what was going on. I swooped on down and landed beside her as we both watched the show. Just a little beak was poking out of the egg at first, but eventually the hole became bigger and more of the head began to pop out. And once the hole was big enough the egg shifted onto its side and began to crack more due to the stress. Before long a wet, tired, and absolutely beautiful baby female hawk had completely emerged from the egg and began asking for some food. She was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen even if she was all wet and mangy looking. There was no real way to describe what I felt at that moment. Those of you that have had the joy of being a parent and watching the baby be born know what it feels like. It's an overwhelming rush of pride, accomplishment, and deep down pleasure and satisfaction. There's no greater feeling in the world than knowing you were responsible for making something so complex and beautiful. Making the nest was a start, seeing the eggs made it seem real, but this… this brought it home. The sole reason living things exist is for them to reproduce, and boy does it feel good to do so.
As my "daughter" was busy chirping away I looked down at the dead mouse in my talons and then I looked over to my mate. She was the one responsible for all of this, and she had done most of the work when it came to taking care of the nest and eggs. Not to mention that the eggs had come almost entirely from her body as well. So if anyone should have the honor of being the first one to feed our newborn daughter it should be her. I shuffled over a bit and let go of the mouse leaving it right in front of her. She wasted no time in clutching it in her own talon as she began to tear into it going after the good parts first. I wanted to stay and watch my daughter eat her first meal, but I knew I couldn't. I knew that from this moment forward I was on almost non-stop food duty. I did however stay to see her take her first bite of meat (it was the heart of the mouse, the best part) before flying off to search for more.
I didn't get to see a whole lot of the second hatching which happened a day later, but I did get to see an almost identical wet, tired and absolutely beautiful baby male hawk emerge from it's shell. By this point I was already in super food catching mode and it was tough to keep up with just one extra mouth to feed. Now I had two extra mouths and I was being stretched thin. Too thin in fact. They ate like crazy! They were never full! Every time I landed they always began to chirp and open their mouths in anticipation of food. I tried hard to catch something and then hand it off to my mate to dissect and feed to them, but I just couldn't keep up. Unfortunately there were times where my mate also had to leave the nest and help me gather food. Those were the times I got really worried. With no one watching over them they were easy targets for other hawks as well as other predators. My mate and I tried to coordinate it so that we at least checked in with them as often as possible, but it was just craziness. Pure craziness. Both my mate and I barely got anything to eat for a good long time since just about everything we caught was for our offspring. I know it seems kind of mean to say this, but I was sort of relieved when our third egg didn't hatch.
We waited a few days before my mate finally tossed it out of the nest. I came back to see it splattered all over the ground at the foot of the tree. But the egg had only contained a yolk, no hawk. It was a dud from the start. Although it was kind of sad to see it end up on the ground I also knew that this sort of thing probably happened all the time with eggs. And having one less mouth to feed would be a benefit to everyone else.
As crazy as it was it only got crazier when mixing in other things like Rachel and missions. I tried to find time for Rachel, but I think I only saw her a handful of times during this time really. And even though she's not going to be reading this I want to thank her for being so understanding about my situation even though I tried hard not to let her see the effect it had on me. She had told me that she knew what I was going through and she expected it right from the start, but I still felt something strange in her voice. I knew she was still a bit disappointed and maybe even jealous of the fact that I didn't have any time to spend with her, but she hid it well. And even when we did hang out it was never for that long. We only ever stayed together for more than two hours once, and that was close to the end when my offspring were starting to become self-sufficient. But for about two months after the eggs hatched I barely saw her at all. The only time I could see her was either at night (when I was so tired from catching all that food that I just wanted to sleep) or once when I tried out the meat container idea with my newly born offspring, and even then I was so worried about how well it was going to work I couldn't stay for longer than an hour or so.
When I got back to my nest I noticed that the large plastic container of meat was nearly all gone, but my offspring were silent when I landed for the first time ever. My mate was there as well and she looked like she had her fill along with our offspring. There was even a small amount left for me which I gobbled up hungrily. The idea had worked, but it was going to take more than that if I was to go on a mission. Cassie had filled up the container with a lot of meat, but even that only lasted about an hour. Missions usually lasted far longer than that, so Cassie and I were going to have to find a way to get more meat to my nest. After discussing it a bit with her we finally came up with a bigger container that I was just barely able to carry when it was full. I didn't get a chance to test it before our first mission however.
Even though I told Jake that the Animorphs came first I think he sympathized with me a bit. He knew that I was running myself ragged trying to feed my family so, either by design or just by some dumb luck, the missions we went on ended up being a bit shorter than usual.
Still, after the first one was over I raced back to my nest to check on my family. I didn't want anyone else to know it (even though I think they all did), but I was worried about them the entire time. I couldn't wait to get home and see if they were all okay and had enough food. And to make sure that my mate wasn't completely angry at me for just leaving for a few hours I made sure to catch a decent sized squirrel on my way back.
The moment I landed I noticed the container of meat was empty and my mate wasn't around. That was sort of a bad sign, but as soon as I landed both my offspring began to chirp and open their mouths. 'Well, at least I had food for them now,' I thought to myself as I began to tear into the squirrel.
To this day I still don't really know how hungry then usually got without me around. Were they just sort of hungry or were they starving by the time I showed up? I always brought home something for them to eat after a mission, so at least it looked like I was out trying to catch food for most of the day. And I couldn't possibly carry any more food in the container either so that was all I could do while I was out on a mission. Good thing my mate was as good at catching food as I was (and that's saying something!) or else we might have been in real trouble.
There was one time that a quick in-and-out mission unfortunately dragged on for most of the day. I thought I was going to die simply from worrying so much that day. I had left my family the maximum amount of food I could, but I took two if not three times as long as I normally did to get back. And by the time the mission was over it was too dark to hunt anyway, so I had to stop at Cassie's to pick up something to eat. And her dad was in the barn at the time which meant that it took her even longer to get some food. I did eventually make it back to my nest to see that all the meat was gone (no surprise) and my mate looked extremely tired. When I landed everybody woke up and I dished out the meal I had. My kids went back to sleep after eating, but my mate continued to stare at me for a little bit. I know it's kind of stupid to think that a hawk's emotions could be compared to human emotion, but she did seem a bit angry at me for not showing up all day. I couldn't blame her really. I'd be pretty mad if she just got up and left for a day. But in order to try and make it up to her I helped her preen her feathers before we both went back to sleep. She looked a bit rough. She kinda needed it. And after a bit of that she slowly began to help me preen my own feathers as well to show me that she forgave me and still "loved" me. I guess I needed a good preening as well. A long mission will do that to you.
The next two months were just chaos. Feeding everybody was my top priority, but I also had to clean the nest occasionally (eyasses can be pretty messy) and as always I was still an Animorph. Needless to say that when I began to notice the flight feathers coming in on my offspring's wings I began to breathe a sigh of relief.
That didn't mean that they were going to get up and instantly start flying though. It would take time for them to learn everything they needed to know in order to fly. Flying is a pretty hard thing to do really. I'm lucky that the hawk I had acquired had already developed most of its flying technique so I could simply let the hawk mind take control in the beginning. My offspring didn't have the same luxury unfortunately but they were very eager to learn.
As soon as they began to grow their flight feathers they cautiously began to venture out of the nest and onto the branches of the tree. I would always try to get them back into the nest because I was scared about them falling off the tree, but whenever I was gone they took the opportunity to start exploring the tree. Eventually I finally realized that they were getting big enough to handle themselves (probably later than I should have) and I let them wander whenever they wanted to.
Whenever a breeze blew on by they would both always stop what they were doing and instantly face into it. Then they would spread out their wings and pretend to fly. It was so cute to see them doing that, but I also knew they were getting some good practice in. I tried to help them get their positioning right either by showing them myself or by making some adjustments to their position manually, but I guess like most kids they thought they knew better than me and rarely listened. But I knew they'd get it eventually…
I was a bit surprised when I came home one day to find my daughter down on a lower branch. At first I thought she had fallen and grabbed on to the lower branch to save herself, but when she saw me carrying some food in my talons she instantly spread her wings and began flapping like crazy. Slowly, clumsily, and with a lot of effort she finally made it back up to the branch our nest was on. I was so proud of her! She had flown for the first time and I was there to see her do it! And of course her brother wasn't far behind in making his first flight either. It was a major step in their development and it made me feel great to see them actually doing it.
They progressed quickly from flying in quick bursts like that to gliding between branches to making their first contact with the ground to finally catching a thermal and riding it. My mate and I tried to help them learn everything they could, and I'm sure they actually learned a lot from us, but they were usually too busy playing to really focus on learning how to fly better. So that's when I got the idea to go and play with them. It didn't seem to me like something an adult hawk would really do, but I decided to give it a shot. They were skeptical of me at first, but they soon warmed up to me after they realized that they could beat me up much easier than they could beat up on each other.
Tag was always a popular game when they were learning how to fly and that's the one they played most often. Whenever I played I was usually "it" and I had to go and tag them as much as I could. Even though they were much less experienced than I was they were smaller and more maneuverable (sometimes…). There were times they simply out turned me and I couldn't catch them. But I didn't feel too bad about myself, I usually let them win anyway. That's what parents do, right?
But even though I made some time to play with them every now and then I still had to get them some food. They were getting pretty good at flying, but they still weren't very good at hunting. Sure they caught the occasional spider or insect (which was a little disturbing in my opinion really) but they didn't have much luck with catching any real food. I'd seen them try a few times and they both made very crucial mistakes. Again I tried to help them along by showing them how to do it right, but again they preferred to learn on their own. I guess that's just how kids are regardless of species. They did eventually get better at it though.
I remember coming home to find that my son was eating a small mouse one day. At first I thought my mate had given it to him, but I had seen her hunting close to me all day, and when I caught my meal she was still waiting for one herself. There's no way she could've caught something and made it home before I did. The only other explanation was… He had caught it himself!
Yet another rush of pride ran through me as I realized he had caught his first meal! It was then that I finally realized he had truly become a hawk. His sister wasn't far behind him either. Then next day I came home to find that both of them weren't all that hungry and I saw the fresh remains of two mice lying below the tree. My babies were growing up…
They didn't stay around the nest long after that. My daughter was the first one to leave. One day when I left to get some food for myself she was still there, but when I came back she was gone. I thought she might have been out flying since both of them had been taking longer and farther flights from the nest, but when she didn't come back to sleep with the rest of us I knew that she was truly gone. I went out searching for her the next day and found her perched at the edge of a decent looking meadow scanning for any movement in the grass. I swooped down and landed next to her in order to, well, I guess congratulate her on getting such a nice meadow and basically saying goodbye to her. She acted like she was angrier at me for breaking her concentration than anything else, but I quickly said what I wanted to say in hawk terms and flew off back to the nest. The very next day my son left the nest as well.
It felt empty without them, and rightfully so I guess. Now there was no one to feed, no one to play with, and no one to take care of anymore. My mate and I continued to stay close to the nest for the next couple of days just in case on of our offspring decided they wanted to come back, but that didn't happen. I wasn't expecting it to happen and I guess I was kinda glad that it didn't happen. If they didn't come back to the nest that meant that they both had found a territory of their own and were successful at catching their own food. I had no doubt that they would both be fine. After all, they did take after their father and mother…
After a few days of waiting for them to come back my mate finally left the nest for the last time and went back to her old territory. I waited about a day or so afterwards before returning back to mine as well and chasing off the other hawk that had claimed it while I was gone. It was over. It was all over.
I suddenly found myself with much more time than I knew what to do with. I had been doing almost nothing but hunting and sleeping for the past few months and suddenly I didn't need to anymore. Of course the day after I came back to my meadow I spent almost the entire day with Rachel (and she was thrilled to hear the news that both my offspring had left the nest successfully), but I knew that I couldn't spend all my free time with her. She did have to go to school and do homework and all that as well. I thought that I would go crazy from all the boredom, but eventually I slowly began to fall back into my old habits that I had before I mated. I went to see Ax for the first time in quite a while and I turned it back into almost a daily thing. And, of course, there was always the soaring high on a thermal thing and just enjoying being able to fly. But I did have something new to do now. I had my mate and offspring to check in with every now and then.
My daughter did very well right from the start. She had gotten herself a good territory and she protected it well. And because of that she always had plenty to eat and therefore a lot of extra time to waste since she wasn't hunting for a great deal of time. I often saw her soaring on a thermal around her territory and sometimes I'd drop in just to say hi. I was usually disappointed when she basically ignored me (hawks don't seem to have much of an attraction to their parents despite all we did for them), but at least I knew she was my daughter and she was doing well as a hawk.
My son had some trouble to start off with. A few bad territory choices lead to him catching little food early on and I barely ever saw him. But after he finally got up the courage to invade and conquer another hawk's territory he became a lot like his sister; well fed with a lot of free time to fly. Both of them were becoming shining examples of red-tailed hawks and I couldn't have been more proud of either of them.
When our offspring left the nest my mate and I had separated as well. We went back to doing what we had done before we mated, but that doesn't mean we completely forgot each other. Quite the contrary. Every now and then one of us would fly by the other's territory and we'd just simply go flying together or something like that. I guess it would seem strange to married human couples, but we didn't need to be together constantly. We knew where the other one was when we needed to find them, and a hawk's attraction to their mate isn't quite as strong as a human's might be. So simply going flying with the other one every now and then was enough to say that we were mates.
Even though I had just lived through the toughest few months of my life in the end it was all worth it. Every time I saw one of my offspring, or even my mate for that matter, I was reminded what I had done. It was an amazing feeling to know that I was a part of making a pair of wonderful adolescent red-tailed hawks. Even though I was almost constantly tired and hungry over those few months it had been worth it. Nothing compares to seeing your own children be successful, nothing.
I never told anyone about this, not even Rachel, but I was kind of looking forward to next year. I knew that if I could convince Rachel and everyone else to let me mate again that I'd do it in a heartbeat. But I never had the chance to even ask her how she would feel about it. Not long after my offspring left the nest the war with the Yeerks began to escalate dramatically and within a few months it was over.
I'm sure everyone knows what happened so I won't go into detail about it, but I was pretty messed up afterwards to put it bluntly. I needed to get away from everything and everyone so I could just have some time for myself to think things over. This included the other Animorphs (especially Jake), my mom, and even my mate. I have to admit that when I decided to move with Toby and the Hork-Bajir to Yellowstone my mate wasn't exactly the first thing I thought of. It was only when spring hit Yellowstone that I finally began to remember her.
I thought about flying back to California to be with her or even taking another mate around Yellowstone. I'm sure that it would've helped me move on and get my life going back in the right direction. Then I'd have some responsibility and something to work towards, but I just couldn't do it. When I lost my first hawk "mate" I was saddened, but when I lost Rachel I was devastated. I never wanted to have a relationship with anyone ever again. It was too painful to let go of someone that you loved. And, in the case of my second hawk mate, it just reminded me too much of my past to really go back to that area and raise another family.
I did feel bad that I wouldn't be able to mate again, but I knew that my mate would find another male hawk to mate with. She had a good eye for mates and was convincing enough to get them to mate with her that was for sure. I just hope that the male hawk she found would treat her and her offspring just as well as I would've…
Every spring after that I would get the urge to go back and mate with her, but I knew that I just couldn't do it for any number of reasons. I thought that would be the end of it and I would never see her again, but things have a funny way of happening I guess.
A few years after the war ended Jake came to me and told me that Ax had been captured and he was leading a rescue mission for him. Ax was still my shorm and I'd do anything for him, so it was no surprise that I decided to go along. But as a side effect of the whole plan I found myself back where everything started. I was back home.
I wasn't even looking for her at the time. She was on my mind of course, but she was just one of many things. I was flying in the vicinity of my old territory when all of a sudden she popped up right beside me like she always used to. I don't know who was more excited at seeing the other, but we both instantly went into an excited "hello dance" I guess you could call it. It was one of the ways a pair of hawks said hello to each other if they ever found the need to. And after the "hello dance" was over we flew on for a little bit before my mate suddenly turned a different direction and began to fly away. I was just going to leave her be and keep on flying my way, but the way she looked back at me made me realize she wanted me to follow her.
Now don't get me wrong, I was glad to see her and she brought back some pretty good memories, but she also brought back a lot of memories about Rachel. I did want to see her and my offspring again, but I knew I couldn't stay for long. I knew I had only stopped back here so Jake could set everything up for the mission. There was no way I could stay permanently. But if I spent too much time around my mate or my offspring I might not want to leave afterwards. Like I said before having a family and some responsibilities along with people to care for would have done wonders for my mood, and deep down I think that's what I wanted to do, but I couldn't. I had already left my hawk mate once and I couldn't bear to do it again if anything ever happened to her. So for my sake as well as Ax's sake I knew I couldn't get too attached. And besides, it was already late spring. My mate had most likely already found a new mate and produced offspring with him the past few years including this one.
As I continued to follow her I began to wonder where she was leading me. But as we got closer and closer I began to figure out where we were going. And when the nest that we had made came into view I knew what it was she wanted to show me. Inside the nest, the nest we made together, were two very cute eyasses.
I wasn't sure how to feel exactly at that moment, but as I followed her down onto the branch that I had called home for a few months a long time ago I finally figured it out. I was happy for her. She had met another hawk who was just as impressive as me and she was continuing to live her life like a normal hawk, just like I wanted her to do. She was an amazing hawk and I was glad that she found someone who could make her happy and produce more fantastic offspring with her. She deserved it.
I continued to look at the sleeping eyasses for a little bit before I finally looked back at my mate. If I was able to I would've smiled, but instead all I could do to show I was happy for her was to rub my beak against her neck (I guess you can call it "nuzzling" except that you have to be a lot more careful about it when you have a beak). She returned the same gesture and shortly thereafter I flew off again. I was becoming too attached and I had to force myself to leave. But as I looked back to see my mate still sitting on the branch watching my fly away I decided to say one last goodbye. I got up some good speed and executed a few barrel rolls of death for her. That was how we first met and that was also how we finally departed. I was sad when I had to leave her, but she had already found another mate. I knew I wouldn't be able to mate with her even if I wanted to. So it was for the best that I left. But I still had all those memories of her and those would have to be enough for me.
After a bit of searching I was also able to find both of my offspring in nearby territories. I barely recognized them anymore they'd grown so much, but thankfully they recognized me as I flew by. Both of them came out to greet me and both of them showed me their own nests. They had both found mates while I was gone and it looked like both of them were going to be fine parents from what I saw. I didn't get to stay long with either of them though because the daylight was fading fast. I needed to get back to Jake's house before it got dark. We had a long day ahead of us tomorrow full of faked crashes and getting ourselves settled on our new space ship…
Do I miss them? Yeah. Do I wish I could be with them sometimes? Yeah. But my life has a funny way of taking anything that gives me pleasure and turning it into pain. But maybe after we find Ax… IF we find Ax… I'll go back to her. Whether she'll take me back I'm not sure, I am getting to be a pretty old hawk, but being able to raise another family and have them prosper is the only thing I really have to look forward to. Would Rachel want me to go back to her? Maybe, it's hard to say. But one thing's for sure, I don't want to waste my life wishing that the past had turned out different anymore. It's time for me to move on. And after we finish this mission that's just what I intend to do.
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End Transmission
I want to thank everyone for reading and I hope you enjoyed the story. I was debating whether or not to switch it back to Cassie's POV or not, but in the end I figured that she really didn't have much to say so I just decided to forget it. I'm not really sure what's going to be next for me, but whatever it is it should be exciting. Stay tuned!
