Tell me I'm a fool,
Tell me that you love me for the fool I am,
comfort me like only you can,
And tell me there's a place
Where I can feel your breath
Like sweet caresses on my face again.
-I Will Rest In You, Jaci Velasquez
Both Castiel and Dean's lives were simple after that. The night in the hospital was never spoken of again, both agreeing that it was for the best. When ever Dean would suffer through another attack Castiel would simply hold him until the fear and voice went away and Dean was once again asleep in his arms.
Dean continued to hunt, Castiel following him wherever he went. Dean would often comment on how helpful it was too have an angel at his side when he needed help. After several years though Dean was forcefully convinced that it was time for him to retire when he got in a fight with a werewolf that didn't go his way. Castiel had taken care of the creature, begging Dean to stop hunting once and for all.
They got a house together in California, an hour away from where Sam and Abigail lived. Castiel still refused to let Dean see Sam, keeping an extra eye on the human to make sure that he wouldn't do anything rash. Dean got a job at the local mechanics to pass the time and earn some real money. It was harder to use fake credit cards when you are one location. Castiel also got a job at the five and dime, something simple so he could keep watch over the town. It was soon the safest place in America, a sudden drop in criminal activity that people started calling an act of God.
Their new routine took some time to get use too, Dean complained about cabin fever now and again, but it didn't matter. That was their new life and for once Dean felt safe.
It was the day of Dean's 68th birthday when Sam died. Dean had come home from what Castiel liked to call 'a stroll in the park' when he was faced by the stoic angel. Castiel sat Dean down and told him that Sam had died, Gabriel had told him as soon as he could. Dean was silent, staring at the floor under his feet for a moment before standing and going to his room, closing the door silently behind him. Castiel let Dean be as he grieved over Sam, knowing that it was never easy to lose a brother and be unable to do anything about it.
Later that night Castiel knocked on the door timidly, "May I come in Dean?"
A grunted out, 'yeah' came from the other side of the door. Castiel slipped into the room, shutting the door behind him as he turned to look at the hunter. Dean was lying down on the bed, one hand on his chest the other resting against his forehead. His eyes were red a swollen but the tears long gone. Neither man moved as Dean started to speak, "Didn't think I would take it this hard you know? I mean, I haven't seen the guy in years, hell, haven't even talked to him for that long but he's my brother you know? I guess that never changes. I just wish that I got to see him one more time. Just once. I wanted to see him happy, wanting to see him with his wife and kids, laughing with them and smiling with them. He was happy and I never got to see it."
Dean looked over at Castiel, patting the space on the bed beside him. Castiel went to Dean's side, lying down when Dean shuffled to make room for him. Once Castiel was at his side Dean started to speak again, "I want to see his grave. Will you let me do that?"
Castiel turned to look at Dean, the older man already facing the angel. His face was begging him, pleading with Castiel. When Castiel nodded Dean smiled, turning to look back at the roof above them. He fell asleep with the angel at his side and longing for the next day in his heart.
Castiel took Dean to Sam's grave after the funeral; appearing once every person was gone. There was one lone figure before Sam's tombstone, a man pouring out his heart to the stone before him. The man collapsed to his knees, body convulsing with sobs. Tears rose to Dean's eyes at the sight, instinct telling him to go to the man. Dean laid a gentle hand on the man's shoulder, Gabriel's eyes turning to look up at him. Dean helped Gabriel to his feet, never saying a word. Castiel came to the grave then, removing the dirt from Sam's coffin with a thought. Dean climbed into the hole, telling himself that this was just another salt and burn, that his brother didn't need his body anymore. He wasn't going to come back this time. With as much strength as he could muster Dean pried the coffin open, looking down on the face of his brother.
If it had been any other time or place Dean would have sworn that Sam was sleeping, just a touch away from opening his eyes and asking for 'five more minutes'. Dean found himself reaching out to do just that before he pulled his arm back, instead reaching for the salt and lighter fluid that he had in his jacket. He sprinkled both over Sam, taking a deep breath before climbing out of the six-foot hole. Dean took out his lighter, letting the flame catch for a moment. He stared into the flame, a fragment of disbelief entering his mind. This was his little brother, he was supposed to die before him, and he shouldn't be burning Sam's bones. Sam should be burning his.
The jingle of a chain brought him out of his thoughts and back to the real world. Dean tossed the lighter onto Sam's body, watching as the flames consumed his form. Dean couldn't bear to watch his brother turn into ashes, moving away form the grave with an aching heart. Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder and they disappeared, leaving Gabriel at Sam's side. A place that he would never leave.
Dean never returned to Sam's grave just as he never returned to his mother's. The reminders were just to real, forcing him to face what he had lost. If he never saw them again it was easier to convince himself that at any moment they could come walking through the door smiles on their faces and joy in their hearts. It was a dream that Dean reveled in. It helped him cope, that and Castiel's presence by his side.
