Disclaimer: The pranks are mine in this chapter, the rest is not…
Hey guys, REALLY sorry about the lack of updates lately. I've just went through one of those slumps. Not a block, just… a slump. So yeah. But I'm gonna be picking things up. I expect to have The Leprechaun finished within the next week or so, and I'm working on a Molly/Arthur one-shot. Sorry these are so short, but I just can't fill up a page as quickly with this.
Chapter 8: How to Prepare and Eat Food
The extreme pranksters are back!
Ready to make mischief?
As ready as I always am!
Good. Let's get started.
First off, the subject is food. You know, eating it, making it, drastically tampering with it…
It's one of the best subjects ever!
It's still a far cry from pranking of course.
With that I must agree.
But pranking, with its many rules and regulations, must be precisely done by experts like us.
But pretty much anyone can deal with food in the right way. Now there are several ways to eat food:
-You can nibble at it
-Take small bites
-Take large bites
-Shovel it all in as fast as you can
-Eat without chewing.
We could go on and on and on. The fourth one is my favorite, personally.
Me too. Tip: Eat however you want, just get it done.
Anyway, the other day Fred and I were eating…
And we decided…
That we wanted to tell the whole school how bloody awesome we think Hogwarts food is.
So we magically magnified our voices, mounted our brooms, and flew around the Great Hall yelling, "The food is bloody brilliant!"
That landed us about a week of detention, it did.
Tip: Don't let anything hinder your passion for food. It's too good to just ignore.
Scarf 'til you barf!
If I remember correctly, you and I threw a scarf 'til you barf party just last year.
Good times, good times.
Lee ate about twenty sandwiches, and chugged a whole jug of pumpkin juice. Then…he threw it back up.
Tip: Even if it comes back up, enjoy food to its fullest when you have a good chance.
Even Katie took a leaf out of our book and ate about 15 cauldron cakes on a double-hippogriff dare.
Anyway, between Hogwarts and home, we certainly get enough good food.
Though our mother is famed in the family for her recipes, Gred and I decided to make one of our own on behalf of the pranksters of the world.
The ingredients are as follows:
-20 vomit flavored Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (for flavor)
-A chocolate frog
-1 bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhiskey
-1 package of cockroach clusters
-1 prototype canary cream (Yet to be revealed to the public)
Use a liquidation spell to turn your creation into a seemingly harmless beverage.
We tested the result on Montague.
He turned into what looked like a demented version of a cook's boggart.
Fortunately we were able to get a snapshot.
Tip: After a prank, always have a camera at hand.
Anyway, since the whiskey made him a bit tipsy, he traipsed around the halls like a feathered drunkard.
Which, technically, he was.
Everyone assumed it was us. And though we were burning to admit it, we didn't want to get detention.
Although we're trying to set a new detention record, we don't want our precious pranking time wasted away while we're scrubbing floors.
Anyway, concerning food:
Tip: If you want to play a good prank on the whole of Hogwarts, the best thing to do is tamper with the food.
Because everyone eats food.
I dunno. I'm beginning to suspect that Snape sucks blood instead.
That's a very likely possibility.
But anyway, if you wanted to, say, turn the whole student and teacher body into steam spouting spectacles, then you go straight to the kitchens.
You just tickle that fat pear and you're on your way to the perfect prank.
Actually, once you look at it, the pear's kind of… deformed. Don't you think, Gred?
That's quite off the subject, Forge.
Yes, but all the same…
Well, it is rather disturbing. But let's get back to the subject. This is a very important document that we're penning. It may well go down through history, so we can't have it going off subject.
Well, you're off subject now. Ha!
Fine! Ahem. We've formed a sort of friendship with the house elves.
Well, they're not really smart enough to refuse us.
True. But as long as we swear that it's important that we slip something into the food, they leave us alone.
Of course, before we slip a solution into the feast, we always test it on a Slytherin to make sure it's not poisonous first.
Tip: If you're going to test food on someone, make it's someone that won't be missed.
So, with the assurance from watching Crabbe that it's not dangerous, we slipped our concoction into tonight's feast.
Hope it all goes well!
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Well, that was one hell of a feast!
Best one all year.
First off, I must say that Dumbledore looks really good with steam spouting out of his ears. Second, so did everyone else in the Great Hall.
Third, our prank earned a lot of laughter.
And fourth, we have detention for a week.
Another successful prank completed.
Our detention starts tonight, so we must be going.
Tootles.
The best chefs in the world,
G & F
0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Alritey, then, I'm going on vacation next week, so hopefully the next chapter will be up around Friday or so. I'm too tired to do review responses. Sorry. Anyhoo, the next chapter's on Dealing with Authority, so any ideas are heartily welcome!
