A/N: James is in a big time rush in this chapter, lol. I had fun writing it, I hope you like it.
Chapter Rating: T
Enjoy.
On My Way Down
On the way down I saw you, & you saved me from myself & I won't forget the way you loved me. On the way down almost fell right through but I held onto you.
Chapter Eight – What Do You Got?
What do you got, if you ain't got love, whatever you got, it just ain't enough, you're walkin' the road, but you're goin' nowhere. You're tryin' to find your way home, but there's no one there. Who do you hold, in the dark of night. You wanna give up, but it's worth the fight. You have all the things, that you've been dreamin' of, if you ain't got someone you're afraid to lose, everybody needs just one, someone... to tell them the truth. Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I still believe, I believe in hope, I believe that change can get us off our knees.
When James woke up, he wasn't too sure of where he was. The material beneath him wasn't his usual Egyptian cotton sheets. His bed was softer than this, and it didn't smell like Cuda products. James's bed did since he put them on after a shower no matter what he was doing.
Something was off. He opens his eyes and realizes that one, he's not in his bedroom. Two, he has no idea whose bedroom he's in. The sheets are white instead of black. It's a queen size bed instead of a California king. He sat up and looked around. The room was small, and the light coming in from the window was making him squint, and his head was beginning to pound. The walls were white and there was a dresser in the corner, the top cluttered with things that his eyes couldn't focus on enough to make out. On the back of the door hung a full length mirror. He could see himself.
He was shirtless, his hair was ruffled and he looked like complete and utter shit. He lifted up the covers on the bed and found that he was wearing boxers, but that doesn't say much.
James is calm though. He's learned how to handle situations like these carefully. It isn't the first time he's woken up in someone else's bed. In fact, even though it happens less now, it used to happen quite often and the doctors were so used to him coming in for a check-up that he pretty much knew them all on a first name basis. James has been lucky though, he's never caught STD's and he's hoping that his record is still perfect because he doesn't know who he had sex with last night or even if he did.
James gets out of the bed and looks around for any of his clothes but none of them are on the floor or anywhere in the room. Shit.
When he opens the bedroom door. He freezes.
He knows this apartment.
White couches, lots of windows, pictures in frames and a kaleidoscope on the coffee table.
Shit. Fuck.
He's practically naked in Hailey's apartment?
He sees his clothes, they're hung neatly over the couch and his shoes are placed by the door. He gets dressed and goes into the kitchen. On the counter there is a napkin with two white pills and a glass of water.
James takes them, assuming that it's Advil or something like it. Hailey hasn't expressed any desire to kill James, so he trusts it. He chugs the water and places the cup into the sink, but that's when he sees the note.
It's addressed to him.
James,
We should talk about last night. I have to work, you can stay at my place as long as you'd like. Help yourself to anything and everything.
Hailey.
He gulps. Talk about last night? She could mean a lot of things by that. But James is kind of scared by what she means. Because he can't even remember how he got to her house. Let alone what he did once he was there. What if, he and Hailey did it? And he can't remember? That would be the most terrible thing that has ever happened to James, because damn it, he really wants to sleep with Hailey and remember what it's like. Not to say that's what they did, but he's nervous.
James slips back into his shoes and gets his jacket from the couch. He goes back into Hailey's bedroom, and makes her bed, trying to make it look nice before he's out the door, hailing a cab trying to get back home. Once he has a shower, he'll be able to think clearly and then he can go find Hailey.
"Dude, what the fuck!" It's the first thing he hears once he's back inside the house. It's Kendall of course.
"Hey Ken, did I happen to tell you anything about what I was going to do or where I was going last night?" James asks frantically.
"No," Kendall says, "but dude, we were worried, you and me got wasted last night, I passed out and you just disappeared. My mom has been freaking out."
James closes his eyes and groans. Before he can take a shower he has to find Mama K. James wants to be indignant and say that he's a grown man and he can do as he pleases when he pleases, but the fact that Mama Knight is worried about him kind of makes him feel guilty.
"Yeah, okay, I'm going to go find her, tell her I'm fine, can you maybe get me some cereal? I'll be back down in like ten minutes." James leaves Kendall in the hallway and is running up the stairs in a panic.
"James!" she exclaims when she sees him. She hugs him tight and holds his face, examining to make sure he's okay and intact.
"Hey, Mama K, sorry, I know you're worried but I went to a friend's house last night, she took care of me, I'm A-okay." He's in a rush to shower, eat and find Hailey because his stomach has begun to growl.
"James," she says in a tired voice, "you can't keep doing this."
"I know, I know I'm sorry. But can I have this lecture later? I have to make sure that a friend of mine is okay."
Mama K nods and lets him go. James practically runs to his shower and beats his record time of fifteen minutes, he's out in five. His hair is still dripping and it isn't even combed when he returns downstairs. His clothes are just thrown on, and they might as well be on backwards for all he knows.
In the kitchen, Kendall, being the good friend he was, actually got James some breakfast.
"Dude, why are you in such a panic?" Kendall asks as James shovels food into his mouth.
"I went to Hailey's last night." James says with a mouthful, milk spills out and down his chin.
"No shit? Did you finally do what you do best?"
"You mean sing? I don't know maybe."
Kendall laughs.
"Kendall, I can't fucking remember if we shagged or not. So I kind of have to find her and ask. Because if we did, I will be so pissed that I was drunk when it happened. I want to get it on with her so bad, but I want to be able to fucking remember it."
"Well, do you think she would?"
James shrugs, "I don't know." He shoves another spoonful of cereal into his mouth and says, "I woke up in her bed, but I still had my boxers on. Which doesn't say much. But she wants to date me, she's fucking told me that, but we're still in that stage where she's calling out dates 'non-dates' and 'hang-out sessions'."
"You're actually putting up with that?"
James sets his spoon down calmly and takes a deep breath with closed eyes. "Yes Kendall," he says when he opens them, "I like her, I want to date her. In order to do that, I need to pursue her. It's what I'm in the process of doing, as far as I remember you pursued Jo, didn't you?"
He doesn't really hear Kendall's response because he practically throws his bowl into the sink and runs to the car garage. He's praying that there's no police around because he sure as hell isn't driving thirty-five miles per hour.
James stops and gets flowers. He doesn't know if they slept together or not, but it seems like if they did it would be the right thing to do. He's trying to calm himself, but his heart is pounding and he's wondering that if something did happen between them and he can't remember will he have just ruined their friendship? Any chance that he ever has of actually being with her?
That would suck so badly.
James parks his car, gets out and starts taking deep breaths. He almost forgets the flowers. He turns back, grabs them and then he's walking inside Chase with as much charisma and confidence as he can muster. He's got is Wayfarers on and a smirk planted on his face. It's all to hide the fact that he's feeling like a mixture of ass-hole and fear.
His eyes scan for Hailey, and sure enough he finds her. He's ignoring all the looks from everyone in the bank. It's a weekday, and it's the middle of a business day, not many people are in here. There's one man with another teller and a couple sitting in one of those booths with another Chase associate. Hailey hasn't noticed him yet. She's looking at her computer screen. Her eyebrows are knit together and she's squinting. She almost looks worried. But James needs to focus on what he's going to say.
He leans on her portion of the counter and holds up the flowers. When she looks up he takes his sunglasses off and she's got this skeptical look on her face. But she says, "James, I'm working. My lunch isn't for another hour."
"Well, I happen to be a customer."
"What can I do for you then Mr. Diamond?" she asks in a sugary sweet voice and has this bright smile plastered on her face.
"Can you check my account balance?"
"You can do that from your phone, James." She says flatly.
"Yeah, but I'm here, now."
She rolls her eyes and turns to the computer but James says, "These are for you, by the way. You know, I'm holding them up for you to take them."
"You got me flowers?" Hailey is skeptical again. It's like her trademark when it comes to things concerning James. Like sometimes the things he does are hard for her to believe.
"Hailey," he says, "about last night…"
Then Hailey is laughing. Now it's his turn to look at her with skepticism and confusion. He waits for her to finish and quirks an eyebrow. Why was she laughing?
"James" she says breathlessly, "did you think we slept together?"
His face falls flat. She's laughing again.
"Well, I woke up in your bed only wearing my boxers. I was confused."
"You don't remember anything about last night?" she asks with a faint smile on her lips.
"Well, I mean I remember up until Kendall and I emptied the bottle of vodka. Then it's hazy, or well, I mean, then it's like a black out."
She grins at him, "Let me see if I can go on lunch early."
He watches her walk away and go behind closed doors, and he doesn't know whether or not to feel relieved or if he should still be worrying. Her response to his flowers and the thought of them sleeping together made him lean towards thinking they didn't sleep together. Which is fine with him, he'd like to remember it when that happens.
She comes back out after a few moments and motions for him to follow her. She takes him outside and she says, "Thanks for the flowers."
He hands them to her and she smiles, "It's a pretty sweet gesture."
He shrugs but he's still feeling like he should be worried about something. She points to his car, "I'm on lunch, and I'm hungry, so let's go."
She's wearing black slacks today instead of a skirt, her hair is down and curled instead of up in a tight bun, but she's still got her Chase button up tucked in. She looks cute, like one of the girls they would use in a commercial. James wonders if she's ever been offered to be in one.
She slides into the passenger's seat and James starts up his engine. As they're pulling out of the parking lot he says, "So, I'm guessing that we didn't have sex last night."
She lets out a short loud laugh and says, "No, are you disappointed?"
"No, actually," he replies changing lanes. "I'd want to remember that."
He catches a glimpse of the blush that fills her cheeks when he says that. He mentally grins. "So, what did happen last night?"
"Well," she says rolling her window down slightly, allowing the warm wind to fly through her styled hair. It's another thing that's different about Hailey. All the other girls he's ever been with would scream if the hair they spent hours on was to get messed up. Hailey doesn't mind in the slightest.
"It was close to three when my doorbell rang. And you were passed out on my doorstep."
James gulps. So not good.
"You kept mumbling something about a wedding and Kendall leaving the band, and then you said that love is a fairytale." She finished looking at him. It was a red light so he let himself glance over at her. Her big blue eyes look worried and he doesn't really know what to say.
"How did I end up in your bed?" he asks.
She laughs again, "I tucked you in on the couch, you know, took your jacket off, and put your shoes by the door, covered you with a blanket, all that stuff, but you didn't stay there. Not five minutes before I crawled back into my bed, you were climbing in next to me."
"Oh."
"You had stripped of course. I had to make you put your boxers back on."
Shit.
"I am so sorry."
She shrugged, "It was pretty innocent, you just seemed like you needed someone to give you some love. Almost like a puppy, you know. You put your arm around me, snuggled in and fell asleep fast than I did."
James didn't need love. Maybe someone to care about him, but he didn't need love. How could he need something that he didn't believe in?
"Hailey, I really am sorry. I was really drunk, and there's just some stuff that's bothering me and I am so sorry."
"James, it's okay." She smiles at him reassuringly. "Sometimes we get lost you know? Showing up drunk on our friend's doorsteps when we're upset is just kind of part of life."
"You've done it before?"
"No." she says firmly, "But it's not like you did something unforgivable. You were bothered; you needed someone to comfort you. I'm your friend; I like you, so taking you in wasn't that big of a deal."
She looks out the window and James looks at her. She is beautiful with the sun in her hair and a content smile on her face. Her blue eyes closed and the wind blowing through her hair. She is everything that James has ever needed. Caring and consistent, kind but stern, loving and wise.
James wants to be with her so bad.
They end up at McDonalds because Hailey is just hungry and practically makes him crash when she sees the fast food joint. James just ate cereal, but he could go for a burger, even if it meant some extra time in the gym.
Hailey orders a grilled premium chicken classic, a fruit smoothie, and fries. James sticks with a Big Mac even though he's pretty sure it's one of the worst things he could have ordered. Hailey fights him on paying, but eventually James prevails and he's pulling the cash out of his wallet. They don't eat in the restaurant or in his car. They wander off to a nearby park and find a bench. But Hailey warns him she only has an hour for lunch.
"So," she starts up with a frie in her mouth. "Is Kendall leaving the band?"
James shakes his head. "No. He is the one getting married though."
Her eyes widen as she looks at him taking a sip of her smoothie and James fights his laugh because his mouth is full.
"He hasn't asked though, so you know, you can't run off and tell a tabloid." James informs.
Hailey punches his arm, "Like I would."
He chuckles lightly and smiles as Hailey proceeds to tuck her hair behind her ear and continue to eat. She's so pretty; sometimes James can't even comprehend it. And he can comprehend a lot of pretty. He has to look in the mirror every day.
"Okay," she goes on, "That answers two of my questions, my last one is about love."
"I'm not the person to ask about that." He tells her truthfully looking down at the grass beneath his feet. This is nice, James is thinking. Hailey is satisfied and happy with so little, he doesn't need to buy her a five hundred dollar pair of shoes for her to want to be around him and smile. He doesn't need to be seducing her to feel like he's wanted.
"I wasn't going to ask you some philosophical question, calm down. I'm just curious. You said that love was a fairytale, that it doesn't really exist, and it's useless to believe in it."
James doesn't respond. It sounds just like his subconscious that he never let's see the light of day. Apparently it weasels its way out when he's drunk.
"Is that really how you feel?"
James shrugs and says, "Yeah."
"That's sad, James." She speaks it softly, like her words could hurt him physically if she said them in the wrong tone.
"Hailey," he says, "you grew up with parents who spent their time with you, and loved you and taught you the ways of the world, with parents that are still happily married. I didn't have that. My parents never spent time with me because they were always fighting each other; my father has never once said he was proud of me, not even when Big Time Rush became an international hit. My mother hardly ever shows any emotion. As a kid, I can only remember seeing one look on her face other than that steely exterior she's always sporting, it was heartbreak. You're parents are still happily married and in love. My parents are divorced. I never saw any love growing up. I saw what it looks like after it's died, I saw the devastation it left in it's wake. You can't have love without pain, and to me it just isn't worth it."
He's never said that to anyone, and he kind of feels liberated having it all out there, but at the same time, he doesn't want to talk about this. It makes him think of all the shit he had to hear as a kid. Stuff that he has tried to block out of his memory for years.
"James," Hailey speaks his name again, "love is real. It does exist. It's like the wind you know? You can't see it, but you can feel it. We need it to survive. I mean, you can have the whole world in the palm of your hand, but what good is it if there isn't anyone to share it with? Romantically or not, there's always someone we're afraid to lose. I mean, maybe for you its Kendall's mom, she's battling cancer isn't she? She's basically your mom, aren't you afraid to lose her?"
James doesn't respond, but then again, he doesn't have to. Hailey knows how much Mama K means to him.
"I can't tell you about other kinds of love, the kind that makes you want to get married and settle down, because I've never felt it. But I look forward to the day, I do."
She places her hand on top of his, and rests her head on his shoulder. James is stiff; he doesn't know what to do, or how to respond, so he just lets her lean on him. She laces her fingers through his and she says, "You can't have love without pain, because we're human and we make mistakes, we mess up, we hurt each other. But I believe that when you find that one, the one that makes your world stop spinning and your heart stop beating, the one that you can see your future in the eyes of, that all the pain you've been through will have been worth it. Because all the love you have will outweigh all of the pain."
They stay there for a few minutes. Her head resting on his shoulder, fingers laced together, knees touching. James doesn't know what to feel. There's this part of him that wants to take Hailey's words into his heart and heed her advice, but there's a bigger part that's more dominant that's telling him everything she's said is just a dream. Maybe for her it will come true, but for him, it won't.
"I have to get back to work." She says eventually.
James is sorry the moment is gone. Even though a relationship with Hailey won't go anywhere in the long run, it doesn't mean that for now he can't enjoy having her near him for now.
He brings her back to work and she barely makes it in time. He doesn't want to leave her there. He wants to spend the rest of the day with her and hear about everything else that she believes in, all of her viewpoints that may contradict his. He wants to know about her, he wants to know her the way nobody else has before.
He does let her go back to work, but it's only a few hours before he can see her again.
A/N: So, here we have Hailey who doesn't act like a hopeless romantic, but is. And we have James, who doesn't think love is real. Things are getting deep! What will happen between the two?
You have to keep reading to find out!
Hope you liked it, soon, very soon things will commence between the two. Hopefully you have the patience to stick with me through it.
Reviews!
