Chapter Eight

Carlos watched without any expression as Kendall worked on his vocals.

He, Logan, and James were sitting in the control room with Kelly and Gustavo, waiting for their turn to work on their vocals as well. Carlos' gaze slid over to the two of them. They were sitting close together, whispering back and forth and Logan was scribbling something in a notebook. When he noticed Carlos looking at him, he flushed, snapped his notebook shut, and looked away. But James didn't notice and pointed to something in the notebook; Logan scowled and slapped his hand away, turning back to Gustavo and making it all too obvious that he was only pretending to pay attention.

Carlos let out a sigh, rolling his eyes.

That's fine he thought to himself, twirling a thread of string from the bottom of his shirt around his finger. He watched as it started to turn purple. Ignore me and act weird. You've done it enough the past few days anyway, why should I care?

But annoying enough to him, Carlos did care, and he knew that he cared too much. But he couldn't help it; he was just so sensitive with everything. Even back home he got so sensitive to what was going on with him and others that it got to the point that there were people that were starting to call him gay. Of course Kendall and James put a stop to it right then and there, but it still didn't help matters much when they weren't around. Then Carlos had started to become taunted with the fact that he was so weak that he needed James' and Carlos' help. So he went and tried out for the hockey team and made it very easily. His aggression on the others that had been tormenting him, he took out on others on the ice, and that was how he got known as the crazy one out of all of them. For a while he ran with it.

Who would want to go up against someone who was crazy? That was where his crazy antics came from; mooning the other sports teams, which always got him kicked out of the games. Then there was riding along in shopping carts down the steepest hill in the city. There was also the time that he tried sitting in a computer chair, opening an umbrella, and being propelled down the street by a big gust of wind. That resulted in two cracked ribs and a concussion after he crashed into a parked car at top speeds. At the time, Carlos was laughing hysterically, which was probably due to the concussion, and James, Logan, and Kendall had freaked out, tripping over each other as they tried to figure out what to do. Of course his parents got called and he was sent to the hospital. But it was still fun. And his fun lasted…up until he had started to hear his parents talk about how hurt he was getting the past few days from his antics.

So he toned it down, but then when he got to California, he realized that those antics were what made Carlos Carlos and he started them all over again. It helped that he kids at the Palm Woods hadn't seen anyone as energetic as Carlos was and he got away with basically anything he wanted to (when Bitters wasn't around.) To the younger boys that were there, Carlos was seen as something of a hero, and he lived off of that for a while the first year they were there. When he met Stephanie it started to tone down, but with her wanting to film everything it didn't last long. That was when the real trouble had started. He was going to the apartment and had arrived outside of the door, about to burst in on his friends, wanting to make them jump, but he heard them talking. And when he heard his name being said, he knew that he was being talked about.

Naturally a curious person, Carlos removed his helmet, and grinning, pressed his ear against the door. But his smile didn't last long.

"…What's wrong?" Carlos had caught the end of Logan's question or statement. Carlos wasn't sure what had just been said, but that's what happens when you're eavesdropping on someone's conversation.

"The whole fucking Palm Woods." Kendall replied, sounding frustrated. "Everyone knows that he's weird, but so what?" He snapped. "He's our friend."

Carlos frowned as he continued to listen. I never thought I was weird. I didn't know anyone would be embarrassed to be seen with me because of that.

Carlos was thinking too hard about what Kendall had said that me missed a small exchange between him and James, but he listened again when Kendall said something and James started to speak again.

"I can understand it though; he doesn't like it when people are upset. He's a complete push-over. He doesn't really ever stands up for himself…" Carlos missed part of what he said as there was a rustling sound. "…No wonder people have no problem talking about him behind his back."

Carlos had cringed. He had never given anyone a reason not to like or dislike him. He had never said anything bad about anyone and I had never done anything to hurt anyone on purpose. He didn't want to hear anymore, so he turned and walked away, and when he came back later, he pretended that everything was fine, and he actually forgot about them talking about him in the first place.

Then the other thing happened Carlos glumly reached into his backpack and took out a notebook. He grabbed a pen and started to flip through the pages. Don't think about it Carlos, just write down your feelings like you have done with everything else.

Over the past few days, Carlos had gotten into writing poems about what he was feeling and what had gone on that day. They weren't poems exactly, just lists of this thoughts, but he guessed they could be read out as poems. Usually he didn't like English, but he found that writing poems was the best way for him to deal with what was going on with him, a good way to vent and get his anger out without having to actually go out and say it. It was therapeutic and it was something that meant a lot to him.

More than he originally thought it would.

when I first met you guys I

wanted to be your friend.

we started to talk and before

we knew it we became inseparable.

well that's what I thought we

were

but I guess we are not.

you always gave me advice

when I needed help.

you were always there when I

wanted someone to

talk

to but I guess that was all

a lie.

how could you

hate

me so much and talk about me

behind my back?

I gave you my

friendship

but I guess you don't

want

it…

Carlos sighed and put the cap back on his pen and put his notebook back into his backpack, but not after looking at all of the words scrawled over the front. They were embedded into the cover with pen, scratched so hard that there were a few holes in a few places.

Keep Out.

Don't Read.

For Carlos Only.

Parental Advisory Is Advised.

They were all simple words, something that you would think that you would find on every teenage boy's bedroom door or in a journal that they wrote their most private thoughts in. But if you were smart enough to realize it, you would figure out that it was Carlos' warning signs, his silent pleads of help.

But so far, they were falling on deaf ears…


A/N: Ok, now you see part of what caused Carlos to become depressed I guess. I realized I did a lot of flashbacks in Kendall's story, not really any in James', and decided to bring it up again in Carlos' and Logan's.

The party is the next chapter and things continue from there. I think that having Carlos write poems and stuff about his thoughts is a good way to convey his thoughts without actually coming right out and saying it, what do you think?

Anyway, there's something I wanted to say. I miss the way that the BTR fandom used to be. I miss the people that were some of the first writers in this fandom and that were my friends. I miss the constant support that writers gave each other (while I'm guilty of this), giving reviews for each chapter to help make the story better. I also miss how I would get people that review as well as favorite, and not just favorite/alert, so I could get to know them. So that's why I've decided to start replying to every review I get. And don't be afraid to PM me or talk to me on twitter either, I like meeting new people and I would like to become friend with you all. Plus, whoever favorite authors me, I'll do it back to them.

All my contact info is on my profile

Cheers,

-Riles