A/N Sorry this chapter is so long! It seemed to get away from me and continued to grow! Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 8

I sat in silence again on the couch that I've spent most of my day on already. My mom had made me a fruit smoothie, but I only drank a quarter of it before I poured it down the sink. I couldn't bring myself to have an appetite, and I couldn't let my mom know that I didn't finish the smoothie.

We hadn't really talked since I threw up in the kitchen sink hours earlier. I could tell that she was upset by the information she learned about…my attack…through my movements. I could see in her eyes that she didn't have anything to say. I wouldn't know what to say to me right now, so I understand. Now she knows that I…enjoyed…the attack. My body…I got off from his assault. I shook my head. I'm disgusting.

My mom walked in from the kitchen, "Santana?"

I looked over at her and saw she was drying her hands with a kitchen towel. I raised my eyebrows signaling to her that I was listening.

"Did you pour the smoothie down the sink drain?" My mom asked directly.

All I could do was look away from her, which confirmed her suspicions. I heard her sigh as she walked over and joined me on the couch. She sat quietly a moment before grabbing my hand in her own and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You didn't rinse the sink. There was some smoothie still left on the bottom of it by the disposal. Are you not hungry?" My mom asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and continued to look at the floor.

"Baby, you need to eat something."

I slowly nodded my head. I knew my mom was right, but I wasn't hungry. My stomach was doing constant flips and I didn't want to throw up again. If I didn't have any food in my system then I wouldn't be able to throw up right?

"Santana, talk to me." My mom said gently as she squeezed my hand.

I slowly lifted my head to meet her eyes, "What do you want me to say?" My eyes started watering under my mother's gaze.

My mom deflated at how defeated my voice was. She gave me a sad look before shaking her head. "I think that we should look into getting you someone to talk to, a therapist."

My brows instantly furrowed as hurt covered my face at my mother's words. I shook my head. "No…" I said quietly. "I don't…I don't need that." I pulled my hand from my mother's and scooted away from her on the couch.

"San, you have barely talked about what happened-"

"And that is because I don't want to," I cut my mom off. "I can't."

My mom continued to look at me, "But you can. If we found you someone you could confide in, a professional who-"

I cut my mother off again, "Can we not do this. Please mom?" I saw how much she was battling herself; I could see it all over her face. I wasn't trying to be rude; I just simply cannot talk about this. I want it all to be behind me somehow. Until I can figure out a way to get it there, I just want to stay silent. He told me I needed to.

My mom paused, "You know you can talk to me about anything right Santana?"

I looked down at my hands again. After a long pause I barely nodded my head. I know that I used to talk to my mom about things. However, I never talked to her about my intimate life. Ever. Even before any of this…Now after everything that has happened I feel like I can't talk to my mom about anything. He told me not to. She already knows way too much by knowing that something happened. I don't want her to know the details. I don't want to have her share my nightmares. Quinn already knows far too much about the details of things that happened and it churns my stomach to know that she knows. I can't do that to my mom, even if I wanted to get it off my chest. I can't talk to her about anything because I don't know how. I can't talk to her about anything because I can't even sort the thoughts out in my own head, let alone verbalize them to someone else; to my mother. However, I nodded my head because I didn't want her to keep pushing this topic. I nodded my head because I didn't want to break her heart even more so than I already have. I know that she needs to believe that I will come talk to her whenever I feel up to it. I know that that hope is something that is keeping her together, and I can't take that away from her…even if I know it will never happen. I will never be able to go and talk to her about what happened that night because of his threat…his promise.

My mom cleared her throat, "Do you…do you have any questions about anything?"

My brows furrowed. I looked into my mother's eyes and understood what she meant. She wanted to know if I had any questions about sex. If I had any questions about any of the things that he…did to me. I shook my head quickly, "Can we change the topic?" I bit my bottom lip, "Please?"

My mom finally caved. She nodded her head and looked away from me for a second to collect herself. She was trying really hard to keep it all together, I could tell. She looked back at me finally, "Have you…um. Have you heard from Noah?" She shook her head and corrected herself, "Or 'Puck', whatever."

I dropped my gaze immediately. Apparently no conversation with my mom was going to be an easy one. The last time I had really talked to Puck was right before…. Then on his birthday I ignored all of his calls, and then apparently he showed up here drunk and had a run in with my mother. Then he told Quinn that he and I were finished yesterday at school. I got dumped through word of mouth. It wasn't like I didn't deserve it though. I left his birthday without giving him his present he had so patiently been waiting for. I shook my head. It's not like I could give him that present now. My tears started welling up in my eyes. I couldn't be a girlfriend now anyway. Things were…too complicated. I was damaged goods now.

I finally found words to answer my mom's question, "Um…sort of. He talked to Quinn at school…he told Quinn to tell me that we are… finished." I paused, "He doesn't want to be my boyfriend anymore…" I trailed off, looking anywhere but my mother's eyes.

"Excuse me?" My mother's voice was angry. I looked up and saw she was fuming.

I quickly understood where her mind went and cut her off before she could take the thought any further, "He doesn't know." I stated quickly. My mom's anger started to slowly fall from her face. I continued slowly as I looked down at my hands, "I just…I haven't talked to him. I've been ignoring his calls…so…" I trailed off. I cleared my throat, "So we are finished." I looked back up at my mom.

She was looking at me, watching my every move. She was trying to read me and see if I was ok with this decision or if I was upset by it. She was having a hard time reading me because I was having a hard time feeling any one particular emotion. I feel like I am feeling every emotion at once, all the time now.

My mom cleared her voice, "Well, it is for the best San." She breathed, "You can do better than him."

I know my mom was saying it because she was my mom, but deep down she had to know that now more so than ever, I probably can't do better. Not anymore. No one is going to want to deal with me with all my….baggage. I don't know how to be normal again. I don't know how to be myself anymore. He changed everything about me and I don't know how to get it back. I shook my head at my mom, "I don't even want to think about that right now."

I looked at my mom's face. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it again. Rarely ever was my mom at a loss for words. I know that I am making this extremely difficult for her; I don't mean to, it just isn't easy. None of this is. My mom wants to keep talking and I just want…I don't know what I want. "Can we just…" I trail off not knowing what I was even going to say to begin with. I took a breath, "Can we just sit here?" I look up at my mom's face, "Is that okay? I just…I don't feel like talking really."

My mom sniffled her nose and blinked her eyes rapidly; I watched as some unshed tears disappeared from her eyes. I pretended not to notice. She opened her mouth to answer but the shrill ring of the house phone cut her off. The caller ID announced that it was Ruth calling. My mom looked over at the phone and then back at me unsure of what to do. We both knew that Ruth would call back to back if my mom didn't answer the phone.

I motioned my head towards the phone and nodded my head silently. I watched as my mom plastered a small forced smile on her face and slowly stood from the couch. She grabbed the phone and looked back at me one more time before hitting the green 'talk' button. She put her hand over the receiver and held it away from her face, "I'll be right back ok?"

I nodded my head slowly but gave her a pleading look. One that meant, 'please don't say anything'. My mother hesitated as she took in my look. She slowly nodded her head at me and then backed away, entering her bedroom and closing the door behind her.

Once my mom disappeared into the room I was once again left to my own thoughts. I leaned forward and cradled my head in my hands. Why did I go to that party? Why did I let him do this to me? Why did I tell Quinn? I feel so sick with myself. So utterly disgusted. I am causing so much hurt and pain in my family and it is getting really close to unbearable. I caused all of this. Tears pooled out of my eyes again as I shook my head in my hands. This is all my fault.


Shelby closed her bedroom door behind her and walked over to sit on her bed. "Hey Ruth. Sorry, I had to…walk to my room," She spoke softly into the phone.

Ruth's voice echoed through the phone, "What is going on? You sound weird?"

Shelby looked up at the ceiling. Ruth had been her best friend for years. They got through college and med school together. They did their internship and residency together. They opened up their practice years ago together. She was there for Shelby when her husband died and had continued to be there for her and her daughters since. Shelby told her best friend everything, they never kept secrets.

Shelby's silence was too long for Ruth's liking. She tried again, "Shelby. What is going on? You have skipped work two days in a row now. This is very un-Shelby-like. I'm starting to get worried. Is there a reason for me to be worried?"

Shelby gripped the phone tighter in her hands. Hearing her friend's voice brought tears to her eyes as she thought about what she had to tell her. "I…." She took another breath, "I… I have something I need to tell you."

Ruth immediately answered, "Oh my god. Shelby, are you pregnant? I didn't even know you were seeing anyone! Are you having babies every 8 years on purpose? Spill!"

"Ruth. This…this isn't a joke. This is serious." Shelby's voice was cracking uncontrollably.

There was a short silence on the phone. Shelby knew her friend was trying to switch gears. She had no idea what was going on. And if she knew her friend like she knows she does then Shelby figured Ruth was trying to find somewhere to sit down. "I'm listening," Ruth finally replied quietly.

Shelby squeezed the phone again. "I…um…" She took a deep breath, "I…" Shelby pulled her mouth away from the receiver as tears instantly filled her eyes. "I really have to say this out loud?" She whispered to herself. Shelby looked up at the ceiling and blinked rapidly to stop her tears from falling. She brought the mouthpiece back towards her face, "Santana…she was…" Shelby cleared her throat. "Santana was r-r-raped..."

Shelby could hear her friend draw in her breath quickly. There was a long silence before she heard her friend's voice again, "What? When? Oh my….how? How did this happen…who?..." Her friend's voice was cracking as she asked the numerous questions.

Hearing her friend begin to cry brought the tears back to her own eyes instantly. Shelby shook her head and bit her lip to contain a sob. "Tuesday night… it happened while I was at work, Tuesday night."

"Oh Shel…"

The tears ran freely down Shelby's face, "She…she doesn't know who he was. It was…he attacked her outside…he was so b-brutal with her Ruth." She forced herself to take a breath. "So brutal," She repeated.

"I….I can't…What…W-w-hat do you mean? Brutal….?" Ruth wasn't forming a full sentence. She wasn't able to. This news was completely unexpected. Never in a million years would she have expected this. It didn't make sense. Tears cascaded down her face as she sat in her quiet office.

Shelby took a deep breath and grasped the phone harder in her sweating hand. She didn't know how to tell her friend this. Her best friend loved her daughter like she was her own. She blew out a solid breath to try to calm her voice, "She has bruising on her wrists, a black eye…her lip was split open… and…" Shelby took another breath, "She has lacerations on her stomach."

Ruth let out a sob, "What?" She was a doctor, she knew that lacerations meant deep cuts but she didn't understand how it could have happened. "How?"

"They… they look like they were caused by a small knife." Shelby's voice was quiet.

"Oh Shel….I….What are we…what are we going to do?"

"She…she doesn't want anyone t-t-to know. I just…" She hiccupped as she tried to contain another sob, "I had to tell you."

"Oh…I understand." There was a silence over the phone as Ruth tried to process everything. Santana didn't want her to know. She didn't want anyone to know? She took a breath, "So…so no cops? H-have you tried to get her to talk to the cops? I mean… She…she needs to report this. How is she doing? Physically? Emotionally? God, I can't believe…I can't believe this."

Shelby wiped her tears, "She doesn't want cops. Not yet…I'm…I'm trying." She took a deep breath, "I just…I…I can't talk about it anymore right now. She…she is in the next room and I can't…I can't fall apart right now. She needs me…."

Ruth cleared her voice over the receiver, "No yea. You…yea you are right. Sorry." She cleared her voice again. "I just…wow. I…ok. What do you need from me?"

Shelby looked down at her bed comforter, "I don't know. I just…I feel so lost. I don't know what to do. Talking about it…talking about it hurts her too much…but…I can't...I can't just ignore it." She paused. Her friend was silent on the other end, waiting for her to continue, being supportive like she always has been. "It has just been so hard…and so…just crazy. I just…I can't wrap my mind around it. You know?"

A faint soft, "Yea" was all she got in reply from Ruth. She knew her friend just had a huge bomb dropped on her. Ruth loved her girls so much. She has always been so great with them.

Shelby felt awful for dropping such a huge bomb and then seconds later insisting that she couldn't talk about it. But she couldn't, so much was happening all at once. Shelby wiped her cheeks one more time and sighed into the mouthpiece. "Then I also found out last night that Quinn has been having sex…for quite a while now."

"What? Quinn? For how long?" Ruth's voice instantly got louder. Ruth has known Quinn ever since she and Santana became best friends. She helps celebrate the young girl's birthday with the rest of the family every year, sees her on family game nights and even has been to a few of her orchestra concerts. Ruth tries her hardest not to miss a game that the girls cheer at and used to pick the girls up from school before they could drive.

"I don't know how long...but… she's slept with multiple boys already."

Ruth was silent again. "Wow...that is just...wow. Quinn…she didn't seem like the type of girl to…she is sixteen…"

"I know." Shelby agreed quietly.

"Wait. How did you find this out? Please tell me she didn't have a pregnancy scare or something." Her friend's voice was on edge.

Shelby shook her head as she continued to press the phone against her ear, "No...no she uh...she told me actually. She didn't mean to, it just slipped out...then I pulled more information out of her. I just...it's just crazy. You know? She's like another daughter to me...she is having such a hard time right now...with her dad and now with what happened to...San…."

"It sounds like they both have been through way more than anything a 16 year old should have to deal with," Ruth agreed.

Shelby's responded softly, "Yea.." Silence filled the line. Both of the women were caught up with their own thoughts to be able to place them into words.

Finally Ruth spoke, "Alright Shel, well you should probably get back to San." She cleared her voice, but not quickly enough for Shelby not to know that she was crying and trying to hide it. "I'll ..um...I'll try to get some of your paperwork done so it isn't overwhelming when you do get a chance to come in."

"I...ok." Shelby knew there was no point in arguing with Ruth about this. She was right. Shelby needed to get back to San, and work had to get done somehow. Ruth would win this fight, and Shelby didn't have any more fight in her to even try.

Ruth sniffled her nose, "I uh...I have a few appointments set up into the night, but...let me know if you need anything. Anything at all." She cleared her throat again; her voice got tight and broke as she spoke. "And I know that San doesn't want me to know...but...just let her know I am here if she needs me..."

Shelby could tell that her friend was trying extremely hard to keep herself together long enough to end this phone call. She had to blink back more of her own tears herself. She took a breath before addressing Ruth again, "She knows. She can always count on her godmother. She just...she doesn't want to talk yet..."

"I understand." Ruth replied quietly.

"I love you. Thanks for calling Ruth."

"I love you more. Bye..."

Shelby kept the phone pressed to her ear until she heard the familiar click of the phone call being disconnected. She slowly lowered the phone to her lap and then took a couple of long deep breaths to refocus herself.

Shelby finally walked out of her room and spotted her daughter lying on the couch. She took another deep breath and prepared herself to walk over to Santana. In one hour they would have to leave to go get Rachel from school. One hour. Shelby wiped her face one more time before relaxing her eyes and focusing on covering up the sorrow she felt for her daughter. She needed to be the strong one. Santana needed her to be strong, so that was exactly what she was going to try her hardest to do. With that Shelby walked towards her daughter and sat next to her on the couch, pulling her gently into a hug.


Quinn sat next to Brittany on the grass in front of the school. The final bell has rang and most of the students had already gone home. Cheerio's practice was starting late today because the maintenance guys weren't done mowing the field prior to the final bell. Brittany's dad got caught up at work and had told Brittany to wait out front for him, so Quinn didn't mind waiting with her friend. She had nothing else to do, so they both sat beneath a tree in the front schoolyard staring off into the sky.

Brittany broke the silence, "Hey have you talked to Scott since Puck's party?"

Quinn looked over at her friend and furrowed her eyebrows. It took her a minute to remember what Brittany was talking about. Scott, the guy she was making out with when… Quinn shook her head to stop the thought from finishing, "Uh...no. I haven't."

Brittany pulled her head back and furrowed her eyebrows with a funny look on her face, "Seriously? Why not? He is a hottie."

Quinn didn't want to talk about Scott. She didn't want to talk about anything related to that party. She shrugged her shoulders, "Yea… I don't know Brittany." She hoped a simple excuse would cut the conversation or at least change the subject, "I just haven't had a chance."

Brittany playfully gawked at her, "You, Quinn Fabray, haven't set aside the time to seal the deal with one of your most frequented hotties? What's going on?"

Quinn tried really hard not to wince at Brittany's statement. Was she really this big of a slut? Her friend literally finds it weird that she hasn't slept with Scott again since making out with him at the party. Quinn couldn't help but feel disappointed in herself. She used to feel proud and hot and important and strong to be able to get any guy she wanted to sleep with her. It had made her feel like she was finally in control of something, but now it only makes her feel pathetic and dirty and stupid. Why did she think that sleeping around was a good idea? She didn't realize it was a bad idea until she saw the look on Mama Lopez's face. She knew that sleeping around was obviously frowned upon, but it made things better; easier even, to deal with. It wasn't a big deal until she had to admit it all to Shelby. Now that it was at the front of her mind. She felt gross.

She looked over at her friend. Brittany was staring at her waiting for her to answer. Quinn didn't feel like talking about it, "Nothing is going on. I'm just…I'm over that." She let out a nervous laugh to convince her friend. "Been there done that…you know?"

Brittany continues to hold her look on her friend. She feels her eyebrows soften. She nods her head in understanding, "Got it." Brittany looks back up at the sky beginning to zone back out when she instantly remembers something. She jumped slightly and looks at her friend, very excited with her news, "OH! Speaking of! You know Henry?" When she was met with a confused blank stare she rolled her eyes and continued, "Henry…hot Henry?"

Quinn looked at her friend confused with where this was going. She couldn't think of anyone named Henry that she knew. She was going through all of her classes and previous classes in her head trying to think if there were any "hot" Henrys in them but no one was coming to mind. She shook her head at Brittany again and shrugged her shoulders.

"Henry." Brittany stated again matter of factly, like it was obvious. She felt like if she kept saying his name then her friend would know exactly who she was talking about. Quinn's blank stare was bugging her, "The hot Asian." She knew Quinn knew the guy she was talking about, she just didn't know how else to describe him. He was a boy. Named Henry. Who was hot. And Asian.

Quinn sighed, clearly getting frustrated as well, "I don't know a Henry, Britt."

Brittany sighed and threw her hands up dramatically, "Quinn, there are only like two hot Asians in this school, one's name is like Cho or Chung… the other is Henry."

Quinn quickly looked around her and Brittany to make sure no one was near to hear her friend's last statement. She lowers her voice, "Britt. That was a pretty racist thing to say...not to mention mean."

Brittany looks around herself for anyone listening in on their conversation. No one was even in the front of the school except the two of them. "Oh, sorry," She shrugged her shoulders, "I just know you know who I am talking about."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but what was your point?" Quinn said with a small laugh.

Brittany thinks for another second to herself as she chewed her lip and looked up at the sky. She was trying to think of how to get Quinn to remember who Henry is. She knew that Quinn knew the boy, and didn't want to continue her story until Quinn had an image in her head. She suddenly sat up taller, "I got it!" She exclaimed with a big smile on her face, "Henry! He was the mascot last year!" She hit herself on her forehead with her open palm, "Duh! Why didn't I think of that sooner?"

Quinn arched her eyebrows, "Henry Hernandez?"

Brittany pointed at her friend excitedly, "That's the one! See! I knew you knew him!" She pumps her fist in the air celebrating the fact that she got her friend to figure out who she was talking about.

Quinn cut Brittany's celebration short, "Britt…he is not Asian. He is Hispanic."

Brittany pulls back as her eyes furrow, "Really? Are you sure? His eyes are pretty slanted-"

Quinn cut off her friend before she could continue and scolded her in a hushed voice, "Again Britt...racist. Come on." She shakes her head and sighs, "Anyway…what about Henry were you going to tell me?"

Brittany's face turns into this huge silly grin, "I ran into him today and he asked me to give you his phone number!" She playfully jabbed Quinn with her elbow, "He said he wants to 'hang out'."

Quinn watched as her friend put air quotes over the words 'hang out'. She looked at Brittany's huge grin and couldn't help but deflate. Apparently she is a big slut. That is her classifier, Quinn Fabray: slut. Why was it that now she can see how horribly unattractive that was? How could she not see that before? 'Bracing her inner slut.' What a pathetic slogan. Was she really that fucked up? How did she get here? Her mind was running wildly thought after thought, putting herself down more each time.

Finally she focused on Brittany's hand waving in front of her face. She looked at the tall blonde, "Helloooooo? Earth to Quinn?"

Quinn quickly shook her head bringing her focus back to Brittany, "Sorry B. I uh…" Quinn forced herself to put on a fake polite grin, "Tell Henry 'no thanks' the next time you see him."

Brittany's jaw dropped open in shock, "What? But…but he's hot. It's mascot Henry!"

Quinn rolled her eyes at her friend, "Henry Hernandez. He has a full name."

Brittany dismissed her friend, "Whatever! What's gotten into you?" She was shocked. Quinn never had turned down a guy in the past. Especially not one as hot as Henry the mascot.

Quinn whispered softly to herself, "Too much…that's the problem." She cleared her throat and looked up at Brittany who was staring at her with a blank confused look, "Listen, I'm gonna go to practice."

Brittany looked at her watch, "But you still have 15 minutes?"

Quinn stood up and brushed off her uniform, knocking pieces of grass back to the ground, "Yea I know, I just want to go over the new choreography that she gave us yesterday."

Brittany watched her friend quickly pick up her duffle bag and throw it over her shoulder. She was trying to think if she had said something that would upset Quinn. Her friend leaving in such a hurry was out of character. Brittany couldn't read the look on Quinn's face. Quinn was always so good at wearing masks. "Ok…. Hey is everything ok?" Brittany said unsurely, "You aren't mad are you?"

Quinn quickly shook her head, "No. I'm not mad at you Britt." Quinn looked down at her feet as she kicked at the grass. She couldn't help but feel disgusted with herself and how she let everything get this bad. She was disgusted by her own reputation she had made for herself and couldn't bare to be around her friend any longer. She needed a moment to herself to keep from falling apart. If she had a minute alone then she could compose herself. Besides, wearing masks was something she did best. Quinn looked up at her friend again. Brittany's face was unconvinced, she looked hurt, "I promise," Quinn clarified again.

Quinn forced a smile on her mouth in order to calm her friend's nerves. She didn't want Brittany to think that she upset her. Quinn continued, "I'm just…stressed you know? School, parents…life…." Quinn trailed off as she looked down at the grass again. There was so much she wished that she could change about her life, but she couldn't start thinking about that now. Not in front of Brittany. "I just wanna get to the field early so I can have time to myself and de-stress ya know?"

Brittany searched Quinn's face, trying to read it. When she wasn't able to she accepted her friend's answer, "Yea, ok...I get it. Well listen, I'll see ya later ok?"

Quinn gave her friend a genuine smile. She didn't want Brittany to think that she was mad or upset with her. She wasn't who she was mad and upset at. Brittany always had the best intentions when it came down to it. "Yea definitely." She took a few steps backwards and then paused, "Hey if you ever get a chance to sneak your phone or anything you can always text me or call me ya know. I get bored at the house a lot." She shrugged.

This was true. When she was allowed to be at her parent's house, Quinn was always bored. She spent the majority of her time upstairs in her room, tucked away to try to keep out of the path of her father. With no TV in her room and no interest in reading, she spends most of her time researching random facts on the internet or playing silly games on her computer. It got quite lonely.

Brittany smiled at Quinn, "Trust me, if I could break the code to my parents safe, you would be one of the first people I would text. I've always wanted to get into that safe, now more so than ever." Her smile grew bigger, "I bet my phone is sitting in between a pile of baby dinosaur bones and a huge stack of hundreds."

Quinn couldn't help but giggle at her friend's theory. "Or maybe a piece of a UFO that had broken off," Quinn smiled at Brittany as she turned around and begun to walk away from her friend towards the field.

She heard Brittany reply excitedly, "Ooo! Aliens! I love them!"

Quinn yelled over her shoulder as she continued her walk away from Brittany, "I love you!"


Rachel got home from school about an hour ago now. Santana hadn't come with her mom to get her even though she skipped school again today. Her mom said something about Santana taking a nap. Rachel shook her head, her sister never used to take this many naps…now it was all she seemed to do. Santana seemed to spend her time napping, showering…or looking like a zombie as she stared at a wall. It confused her. She couldn't understand why one day Santana was the best sister in the world, and the next she seemed to want nothing to do with her. The thought made Rachel's eyes water. She wanted so desperately for her sister to love her again and laugh and tickle her and watch TV with her, but she didn't know what she did wrong and she couldn't seem to fix it.

Once Rachel was done with her homework she asked her mom if she could ride her bike around the block a few times. Her sister was still sleeping on the couch, and she couldn't stand being cooped up in the quiet tense house any longer. It was still sunny outside so she knew her mom would let her ride her bike, which made the eight year old really happy, because she had an idea.

On her way home from school Quinn had called her mom. Quinn had told her mom that Russell told her it was okay to come back home for the night, so the blonde was letting Shelby know that she wouldn't be back tonight for dinner. This phone call made Rachel start to think, so after she finished her homework she decided to put her plan into action.

Rachel was on her pink bike peddling away from her house, down the caul-de-sac. The purple and silver ribbons were whipping in the wind from her handle bars. Quinn only lived two blocks over, so the eight year old started her journey towards Quinn's house. She wanted to help in some way. Santana was sad or mad…or hurt… or sick…? She shook her head as she continued peddling. She wasn't sure what Santana was…that was the problem. All she knew was that she was different and wasn't the same sister she used to know and love. The same sister who loved her. It was confusing and it made Rachel feel helpless and guilty…it had to be something she did to make her sister not want to talk to her, even though their mom insisted that it wasn't anything to do with her. There wasn't any other option. There was no other reason that the eight year old could think of that would cause her sister to start acting so weird so suddenly other than….she had made her mad somehow.

Rachel peddled faster as Quinn's house came into view. Maybe if she could help Quinn with her problem…then Santana would be happy with her. She could tell Quinn's dad that he needs to be nicer to Quinn and not make her so sad, and then it will make Quinn happier and will make Santana not mad at her anymore because she would have done something good to help her 'person'. Rachel smiled at herself as she came to a stop in front of Quinn's big blue and white house. She got off her bike and walked up the stairs onto Quinn's porch. The eight year old took off her helmet and placed it on the banister next to the door before ringing the doorbell.

The door opened slowly revealing Quinn standing on the other side. Quinn's eyebrows furrowed, "Rachel?" The blonde looked behind the young girl and saw that there was no cars in the driveway and saw that there was no one else with the girl. Her eyes fell on the eight year old's pink bike. "Did you ride your bike here alone?"

Rachel smiled up at Quinn, "Yup!"

Quinn opened the door further and motioned for the little girl to come inside. She closed it quietly behind them. "Does your mom know you are here?"

Rachel looked down at her feet as she started nervously kicking at the tiled floor, "Um…" She trailed off.

Quinn sighed. "Rachel," She warned. "What are you doing? What's up? Is everything okay?"

Rachel looked at Quinn again, "Yea, I just-"

"Quinn? Who was at the door?" Russell's voice called from his study around the corner.

Quinn nervously looked in the direction her father's voice had called from, "It's just Rachel, Dad." She answered back in a polite voice.

"Who?" He yelled again.

Quinn sighed before looking back at the eight year old, "Wait here," she told the young brunette before she started walking down the hallway towards her dad's study. If she yelled back an answer again, she knew he would get mad at her. Her dad expected not to have to yell across the house to have a conversation. He was always too 'busy' to meet her, so Quinn knew that she had to walk to where her dad was in order to finish the conversation. Once she was outside his open study's door she peeked around the corner to see Rachel looking at her. Quinn held up a finger at Rachel signaling that it will just be one minute before she took a step to enter her dad's office.

Russell was sitting at his desk. He had piles and piles of papers around him and was staring intently at his computer monitor. His glasses were perched on the bridge of his nose as he looked over them at his work. When Quinn entered the office he looked away from the computer screen for a second, looking at his youngest daughter before he looked back at the screen again. "What?" His voice was curt and short.

Quinn twisted her hands nervously. She was told at a very young age not to bother her father when he was in his office. The office was off limits. It always has been and always will be. Even being one step in made her feel on edge. She cleared her voice, "I was just coming to tell you that Rachel Lopez was the one at the door." Her dad looked at her with a face that said 'so?' She continued, "You were asking…so I just came to tell you." She was met with a blank stare again. "Um…she won't be here long."

"Mr. Fabray?" Rachel's voice came from behind Quinn making Quinn's breath freeze in her chest.

Rachel squeezed her way through the door and past Quinn. She walked up to the chair that sat in front of Russell's desk. Her smile faded instantly when he looked at her with a shocked face.

"Rachel, no. Come here, let's go." Quinn's voice was rushed. Her breathing was quickening and she could feel her heart beat in her throat. She saw the look on her dad's face and it wasn't a good one. Quinn walked quickly up to Rachel and grabbed her shoulders, sending her dad an apologetic look. As she tried to turn the young girl away from the desk Rachel shrugged off Quinn's hands.

Rachel turned to face Quinn's dad again. She couldn't look at his face so she looked down at all the piles of paperwork that cluttered his desk instead. She took a deep breath…she had to be brave in order to help Quinn. "I rode my bike here Mr. Fabray. I rode it here because I just wanted to tell you that I think you are a really mean daddy."

Quinn felt her face pale. She was frozen in shock. She looked from the back of Rachel's head up to her father's face and was met by his angry eyes.

Russell gave Quinn a look that he knew she could read and then looked down at the small child standing in front of his desk, "Excuse me?" His voice was threatening.

Rachel pulled at the bottom of her shirt. She could see the anger start to build in Russell's face but she continued anyway, "Quinn is a good person, and you are a very mean daddy. You shouldn't say those mean things to her and you definitely shouldn't make her cry as much as you do."

Russell's eyes grew wide. He starred back at Rachel before slowly looking up to meet Quinn's gaze again. He glared at his daughter. "Get her out of my study. Right. Now." His voice was low but he over pronounced every syllable, making it seem louder and scarier than it was before.

This finally shook Quinn from her initial shock. She could feel tears in her eyes as she felt her dad's angry gaze on her. Quinn quickly blinked to keep them from falling and grabbed Rachel by the upper arm and began walking quickly out of his office with the young girl trailing behind her.

Rachel yanked her arm away from Quinn. Seeing how mean Russell was getting was only giving her more confidence. It wasn't right. "You are a bully!" She said strongly as she stomped her foot to the ground.

"Rach!" Quinn managed to squeak out as she tried to bring the small girl out of the office again.

Russell stood up quickly from his desk, throwing his chair back into his bookshelf with a loud crash. He started to walk with long big strides over towards the girls. Quinn tugged Rachel as quickly as she could out of the study, much to Rachel's dislike. They were now standing right outside the office door. Rachel was fighting to get free from Quinn's grasp but the blonde had a strong hold this time and wasn't letting go. Quinn and Rachel both froze as Russell was standing directly in front of them now. His hand was on the study's door; his other was on his hip. He shot Quinn an awful glare before he started to close the door at a rapid speed.

As the door started to close in their face Rachel found her voice again, "You can close the door! I will just speak louder! So everyone can hear!" She yelled through the nearly closed door.

Quinn looked at Rachel with wide eyes. She had never seen her like this before. The young girl wasn't giving up. Quinn felt as if her heart was in her throat, how was the eight year old so calm? "Rach, please stop…please-" She begged.

Before Quinn could continue the office door swung open quickly revealing a red faced Russell. He tore his glasses off his face quickly and pointed towards Rachel with them, "Listen you little brat! Get your damn bike-"

Quinn looked at her dad in shock, somehow she found her voice, "Dad! You can't talk to her like that! She is eight!"

Russell whipped his head to glare at his youngest daughter, "Don't you tell me what I CAN and CANNOT do in MY house Quinn Nicole!" His bellows seemed to shake the walls.

Quinn instinctively took a step back, forcing Rachel back with her. She pulled Rachel behind her, "I…I-I'm sorry…I'll walk her out…She will leave now." Her voice was shaky.

"Damn right she will leave now!" Russell shoved Quinn to the side in order to look Rachel directly in the face, "Young lady? A piece of advice for you: don't EVER go marching into someone else's house the way you just did tonight. It is not appropriate in the least." His voice was so scary it left Rachel speechless, which Quinn was thankful for.

Quinn quickly bowed her head and put her hands on Rachel's shoulders urging her to move towards the front door, "Come on Rach."

As they walked away from the office, Russell continued to talk after them. He always did this thing…he said things, that he knew were hurtful, 'under his breath', but loud enough to where he knew you could clearly hear him. "Little brat thinks she can come in here and tell me how to treat MY daughter. She is an eight year old who still has training wheels on her bike…" He let out a sarcastic evil short laugh, "Ridiculous."

Quinn ushered Rachel onto the front porch and closed the front door behind them. She took a deep breath as she tried to wrap her mind around what just happened. She brought her hands to her head and ran her fingers through her hair as she attempted to get her breathing under control.

"I…I'm sorry Quinn…I didn't mean to get you in trouble." Rachel's soft voice broke Quinn's concentration.

Quinn immediately looked down at the little girl and sighed heavily. She tried to pull herself together quickly for Rachel's sake. She put a small smile on her mouth, "It's….It's okay Rachel, he is just in a bad mood…it isn't your fault." Quinn felt like she was always coming up with excuses for her father.

"But...but he is really scary Quinnie…" Rachel's eyes were wide as she stared at her.

"Rach…" Quinn could feel tears sting her eyes. She knew she was going to be in a lot of trouble for this. Her dad was fuming. As soon as she walked back into the house she knew she was going to be torn to shreds for Rachel's outburst…but she couldn't let Rachel feel like this was all her doing. Even though Rachel was the one who initiated the sequence of events, really it was her own fault. She should have done better hiding her home life from the young girl. It was her fault that Rachel even got this idea in the first place. She couldn't let Rachel feel guilty for something that wasn't even her fault to begin with, "It's ok. I'm older…so it isn't as scary for me as it is for you okay?"

She watched as Rachel nodded her head slowly.

Quinn placed a hand on Rachel's shoulder tenderly as she bent down to her eye level, "Listen…let's not tell Mama Lopez about this okay?"

"But-"

Quinn cut Rachel off, "No 'buts' Rachel…you aren't even supposed to ride your bike past the big red house… I don't want you to get in trouble for this. So we can't tell your mom that you were here." She wasn't being completely true. Yes, Rachel wasn't allowed to ride her bike this far from her house, but the real reason she didn't want Rachel to tell her mom about this was because she didn't want Shelby to know that Quinn had let this get this out of control. She couldn't let Shelby find out about what just happened because….well she just couldn't.

Rachel sighed as she looked at the ground, "Okay."

Quinn smiled at the young girl thankful that that had been that easy, "Alright. Are you going to be okay riding your bike back home?"

Rachel looked at Quinn, "Yea. The sun is still up and you are only one street over from the big red house."

"Quinn!" Russell's voice could be heard through the door. The two girls looked at the door and paused.

Quinn snapped out of the gaze first. She knew she had to get inside quickly. Keeping her dad waiting was never a good idea. She took a breath, "Okay Rach, I gotta go back inside. Be safe getting home okay? I love you." Quinn pulled Rachel into a big hug and held the girl tightly in her arms.

"I love you to the moon and back and then back again." Rachel said into Quinn's shirt as she hugged her tightly in return.

Quinn smiled and then kissed the top of Rachel's head. She pulled away from the hug with a smile on her lips. "Put on your helmet," she said lovingly to Rachel. Quinn turned quickly towards the door and waved over her shoulder at the eight year old one more time before she reentered her house and closed the big wooden door behind her. She couldn't keep her dad waiting any longer or else this situation would just get worse.


Rachel hung her head once the door was completely closed. This plan didn't work out at all like she had hoped it would. She slowly pulled on her purple helmet and fastened it underneath her chin. Just as she was about to turn around Rachel could hear Russell's booming voice through the door.

"What happens in this house is family business. Family business is not to be shared to outsiders. Do you understand me?"

Rachel couldn't hear Quinn's response. She didn't know why but she felt like she had to stay and listen so the eight year old quietly scooted closer to the door, leaning her head against the wood and cupping her hands over her ears so she could hear things more clearly through the door.

Suddenly Russell's voice yelled, "I said: DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

Rachel jumped a little from the amount of ferocity that was laced in his words. She leaned her head back into the door and re-cupped her ear again. Again she couldn't hear Quinn's response. Quinn's voice was nothing but a soft quiet murmur.

"Go up to your room. I don't even want to look at you right now. You are such a disappointment. I can't believe you shared our business with an eight year old."

Rachel's eye brows furrowed at the mention of herself.

"I didn't tell Rachel-" Quinn's voice could finally be heard.

"Then how does she know?" Russell sounded so angry. Rachel felt a pang of guilt in her stomach.

Again there was no response from Quinn.

"I asked you a QUESTION!" Russell's loud voice made Rachel jump again. She bit her lip to keep from squealing out in fright.

Quinn's answer was muffled.

Russell was quick to reply, "You don't know?" His scary laughter could be heard through the door. Suddenly his voice was calmer, Rachel pressed her ear further onto the door, "You know what Quinn? When I kick you out…I don't care where you go. Go to the Lopez's…it's a wonder why they choose to deal with such a pain in the ass like you, but if they allow it then by all means…go. Sleep in your car for all I care…I only expect one thing. And that thing is discretion. It is none of their damn business what happens in this house."

The eight year old strained to hear Quinn's response, but she couldn't hear her pseudo sister's voice at all.

Russell sighed loudly, "Just go. Get out of my sight before I do something I will regret. I will be up later to deal with you."

The house was consumed by silence. Rachel finally pulled away from the door and repositioned her helmet on her head. She felt incredibly guilty for making Quinn get into trouble again. It wasn't what she wanted to do. She just wanted to tell her dad that he was sometimes mean and that it made Quinn really sad. She hated seeing Quinn sad.

The eight year old walked down the steps of the front porch quietly and slowly got onto her bike. She started to peddle down the drive way and in the direction of her house. She looked over her shoulder at Quinn's house one more time before she turned the corner. Quinn always tried so hard not to be sad in front of Rachel. She was always smiling and funny, but sometimes when the blonde didn't think that Rachel could see her face, or at night when she thought Rachel was sleeping…she could see and hear Quinn crying. She cried a lot when no one was looking, and it always made Rachel really sad.

Rachel just wanted to help. She wanted to do something useful, but instead she just made things worse. She couldn't help Quinn with her problem…and Rachel knew that the reason for her sadness was her father…so how was she supposed to help Santana when she didn't even know what was wrong with her in the first place?


"Alright girls, I shouldn't be gone too long." My mom was phoned less than five minutes ago from her practice. There was a problem with a water valve, or something. I don't really remember what she said. All I knew was she had to leave and get to the practice as soon as possible or there was going to be a lot of problems. Me and my mom had spent the rest of the day sitting on the couch again. Somehow I managed to fall asleep in my mother's arms so I missed picking Rachel up from school. When I woke up from my nap, it was already dark outside. Apparently, Quinn had called my mom on her way home from picking Rachel up from school. Her dad 'gave her permission to come back home out of the kindness of his heart'. Asshole. So she wasn't going to be over tonight again. Now I was just sitting on the couch watching as my mom rushed around the house grabbing her purse and cellphone. I could hear my sister in the kitchen poking around the freezer. I looked at my mom as she put on her last shoe. "Santana, are you sure you are okay?" My mom asked me for what felt like the hundredth time.

I closed my eyes and responded, "Yes mom." I wasn't. I wasn't fine at all. My stomach and lower body was aching. My eye had a dull continuous throb. I was scared constantly, and nervous about being left alone with my inquisitive younger sister. Her eyes were so full of questions. But I couldn't tell my mom that I didn't want her to go. I didn't want to be left alone with Rachel. I hadn't really been alone since… but I couldn't be the reason my mom's business fell apart. I didn't want to hold her back. Besides, a small part of me wanted her to leave. I need time to just be by myself. I didn't want to see the hurt on my mom's face anymore; I did need a break from that. So I lied. I told her I was fine. I reassured her that she could leave. It was just a couple hours. I would be fine.

"Why do you keep asking Santana that?" Rachel appeared from the kitchen with a frozen fruit bar in her hand.

My mom looked over at me and must have seen the pleading in my eyes. "Rach, San just…isn't feeling well." She looked down at my sister and put her hands on her hips, "What is the rule about eating in this house?"

My sister looked down at her popsicle then looked back up at my mom with furrowed brows, "But last night you let me eat in my room?"

"That was an exception Rachel. It doesn't mean the food policy has been lifted. What is the rule?" My mom said in her 'I mean business' voice.

"Food is only allowed in the kitchen or at the dining room table." My sister chanted with an attitude in her voice. My mom is always on Rachel about leaving the kitchen with her food. She spills her food and my mom keeps a clean house. The rule was made so Rachel wouldn't spill any more food on my mom's nice couches, throw rugs, or carpets. When I refocused on my sister she was looking at me from across the room. She pointed at me, "I told you, that you should start eating better. You and Quinn really shouldn't go to Twisty Treat as much as you do. Ice cream and burgers are fattening and unhealthy. You wouldn't be sick if you took better care of-"

"Rachel." My mother warned, cutting off my little sister's lecture. "Kitchen. Now. Leave San alone." She looked back at me, "I really gotta go. I love you both. Please behave." With that she turned and ushered Rachel into the kitchen on her way to the front door. "Rachel! Eat in the kitchen! I mean it!" My mom's voice yelled out before the door closed. She was gone.

I sat on the couch a minute after my mom left. I shook my head; I needed a break from life. I took a deep breath, "Rach?" My sister poked her head around the corner, making sure she stayed in the kitchen as she bit off another chunk of her fruit pop. She raised her eyebrows at me. I tried to sit up taller so I wouldn't look as bad as I felt, if it worked or not, I'll never know. "I'm gonna be in the back yard for a bit ok?" Before my sister had a chance to respond I continued to talk, "Make sure you throw away your trash when you are done with that." I slowly stood up from the couch, trying to hide my pain from my sister again.

"You are going outside? Now?" Rachel asked as she bit off another piece of her fruit pop. "It's dark outside," She clarified.

I took a deep breath. I just needed space. I can't have her ask so many questions. I can't answer them. I love her to death but, I just need air. "Rach, please. Just..." I shook my head. "Go finish that and do whatever you were doing before mom left. Just don't break anything."

My sister looked down, juice was beginning to drip onto her hand. She looked up at me and gave me a sad empty look. "Fine. Whatever." With that she turned and disappeared into the kitchen.

I felt my heart break. Me and my sister usually spent the time mom was at work watching TV or a movie together if we both were done with dinner and our homework. Well, we used to anyway. We used to spend a lot of time together. I used to be able to answer all of her silly questions and listen to her rants. I used to joke around with her and playfully pick on her. I used to never lie to her. Everything is different now. I don't know how to be around her anymore. Every time I look at her, she is looking at me with these huge eyes filled with so many questions. I can tell she knows something is going on, but that is exactly the reason why I can't spend too much time with her. I don't want to lie to her anymore. I can't risk her seeing me broken. I don't want her to know about any of this. Not just because of his threat...but because I want to preserve my younger sister's innocence as long as I can. I don't want her to know what evil is out there...and I certainly don't want her to know what he did to me, or rather, what I let him do to me.

I know she looks up to me. I don't want her to know and see me differently, even though I know that isn't fair on her part. She should know who exactly it is that she is looking up to and who she wants 'to be just like when she grows up' but I can't. Keeping her in the dark protects her innocence. I would rather her hate me for the rest of my life if that guaranteed her safety and her sanity. Learning about all this…what rape is…I know my mind is all over the place constantly 24/7 now. Quinn and my mom are having a hard time with it. I don't want my eight year old sister to be concerned with it, ever.

I need air.


"Ow!" I hissed out loud. I look down at the ground to see the butt of my cigarette on the patio. Was it really out already? I looked at my finger. The damn thing burned me. I gave a heavy sigh and looked up at the stars one more time before slowly picking up the three butt ends and my ashtray and heading for the sliding glass door.

I haven't smoked in a while now. Really the only time I ever grab for my cigarettes is when I am feeling really stressed. I shake my head, any time I've ever smoked before I thought I was stressed. I didn't know what stress was until recently. I had no idea. My mediocre problems of worrying about an exam or worrying about my mother finding out I broke her favorite mug are all behind me now. Now, all my "huge problems" from my past seem incredibly incredibly small. What I wouldn't give to just go back to worrying about those things. I glanced down at my finger again. It really hurts. This new stinging in my finger was a surprised welcome to the constant ache my body has been feeling since…I shake my head. Stop thinking about it. I slide open the door and close it behind me locking it and throwing down the security lock for an extra measure. I hide my ashtray back in its normal spot in the potted plant next to the TV; next to my box of cigarettes. I need to run my finger under some cool water to take some of the stinging out, so I head towards the kitchen.

I suddenly hear Rachel's voice talking to someone. Who is here? I look at my phone, no calls or texts. My friends always text me or call me when they are going to make an appearance. My mom is definitely still at work right? It hasn't been that long since I initially went out back. Right? I pick up my pace towards the kitchen. That's when I hear it.

His chuckle.

At that moment I turn the corner and stand frozen in the entryway to the kitchen. He is there. Rachel is next to him.

My breath is caught in my throat. I can't move. My phone drops to the ground and slides across the floor. I close my eyes and open them again, willing them to see a different image by the time they reopen. What I see can't possibly be right. My little sister was handing HIM a glass of water. She was smiling until she looked at me, then her eyebrows furrowed. I slowly changed my gaze to meet his. I felt like I was shaking. Correction, I am shaking.

to be continued...