Happy Saturday!

Hope you had a nice week. Thank you so much for all the nice comments about the last chapter.

I own nothing! Enjoy!


It wasn't difficult for Kurt to get used to working for Mr. Anderson. It wasn't only that the hours were so much better than they had been at any of his previous jobs, but also that the company had improved a lot.

There were no more bitter ladies throwing lattes at him, although during their first morning alone together, Max had spilled his orange juice all over Kurt's impeccable shirt. But since the action was followed by the biggest pout Kurt had seen to date, and not an angry outburst, he wasn't half as mad as he would have been in ordinary circumstances.

"You're lucky you're cute, Max," Kurt had said, pointing a menacing finger towards him, before dropping a quick kiss on his soft, baby-smelling head, and grabbing a wet cloth to clean himself.

Whenever Max was asleep or distracted watching one of his favorite cartoons, Kurt sat down next to him and got to work on a paper or his assigned reading. He got so much done that, for the first time in a long, long time, when the weekend arrived, he was actually free to enjoy it.

He had no idea how he had gotten so lucky. When Blaine came home every day, just before he left, Kurt thanked him again for the opportunity.

"Kurt," Blaine said warmly one afternoon, leaning against the doorway and looking at him with a sweet smile. "You keep saying that. There's no need to thank me."

"Oh, but there is," Kurt replied.

The sudden financial safety Kurt felt was invaluable. He was still nowhere near debt-free, but he knew he didn't have to worry about where the money would come from, if it would be enough, if he would be able to help his parents. He went to bed every night and actually fell asleep right away, without spending hours and hours staring at the ceiling, worried.

It also didn't hurt that his father's voice was full of relief when they talked on the phone now. Knowing Kurt wasn't slaving himself for him and Carole reduced his stress greatly. There was only one thing he was concerned about now.

"So I take it you're coming home for Christmas, right?" Burt asked, his tone clear and sure, expecting Kurt to simply comply.

Kurt bit his lip. "I hope so, Dad."

"What do you mean, hope? If things are better, then you should be able to come home," Burt insisted.

"I need to talk to Mr. Anderson about it," Kurt explained as patiently as he could. "I have no idea what his plans for Christmas are. He might need me."

"Kurt," Burt said, and now he sounded tired. "It's Christmas. Please, come home."

Burt Hummel never asked for anything. All his life, he had only given, given, given. And now the only thing he wanted was to see his son for the holidays.

Kurt felt his heart break in a million pieces. It wasn't only that he didn't know if Blaine needed him. He also hadn't gotten his first salary yet, and the very little money he had left from Starbucks and The Happy Fucking Bean wasn't enough for the trip home.

"Of course, Dad," he promised, without a single idea of how he was going to manage. "Of course."


Later that week, Kurt arrived at their apartment just as the first few snowflakes began to fall densely outside. He pushed the door opened, as he brushed the few flakes that had caught in his hair. He could see Rachel sitting on the couch, her back to him, as he dropped his bag on a kitchen table.

"Hey Rach!" He said. "I didn't know you were home already! It's lucky you're not at the theatre - it looks like it'll be snowing like hell in a bit…"

He knew something was wrong because Rachel didn't even turn or acknowledge his presence. Frowning in confusion, he made his way towards her, and only then realized what was playing on the television.

They were old videos, recorded during their high school days, mostly during show choir competitions, and a few rehearsals. As he watched, coming closer to stand by the couch, Finn's face appeared on the screen, his eyes glinting as he sang.

"Rachel…" Kurt murmured, unsure. Her silence was so unusual, he wasn't sure how to handle it.

"He truly was so, so handsome, wasn't he?" She whispered, and it was clear by her voice that she had been crying hard. "Remember when we came to New York for Nationals and he took me out on that date? I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest, I was so happy. Back then it just felt like… like we really could have forever."

Kurt sat on the arm of the couch and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. "It always feels like that, when you're young."

"I was so silly. There were times when he was so lost, and I was so self-absorbed that I couldn't even see it…" She shook her head, her wet eyes still fixed on the screen, where Finn was now attempting a few awkward dance steps. "I should have seen it."

"You were young, too. We all were," Kurt sighed, and his chest ached. No matter how long it had been, Finn's absence was still so fresh, so painful, it made him hurt like he was losing him all over again. "What's going on, Rach? What happened?"

"Nothing," Rachel answered, reaching for a box of tissues. "It's just… the holidays, you know? It's always hardest this time of the year."

"I know." Kurt did know. It was always so difficult, not to think about the empty place at the family table, the missing stocking on the fireplace… "But you were okay this morning. Did… did something make you think of it?"

"You know Derek, the guy from the theatre?" She asked, and when Kurt nodded, she continued: "He asked me out today. I… he's been flirting with me for a while, but it seemed innocent, I never thought he was serious. And today he said he would like to take me out for dinner, go ice-skating, the whole romantic Christmas date… and I just… I couldn't…"

"It's okay, Rach," he said softly, rubbing her shoulders in comfort. "If you like him, I mean. If you wanted to say yes. Finn would want you to be happy."

"I can't, Kurt," She blew her nose noisily, and her paper tissue flew to the floor to join all the other ones she had already dropped. "I just know, deep down inside of me, that no matter how hard I try, no matter how amazing the guy I meet is, no one will ever be him. I already found my one true love, and I didn't fight hard enough to keep him with me."

"Oh honey," Kurt moved closer, sat on the couch next to her, and pulled her into his embrace. Rachel fell into his arms like she couldn't even hold her own bones for another second, like even carrying her own skin had become the hardest thing to do. "I miss him just as much as you do. I know how difficult it is to go back home for the holidays and find that he's not there, again. It's losing him over and over all the time, and it doesn't stop hurting. Everything about this is just so unfair, but… we can't give up. And if you think you might have a shot at happiness with Derek, or with any other guy that might come along… then I think you owe it to yourself to at least try. And you owe it to Finn, because your happiness was the most important thing for him."

"I just feel like I've been playing a part since he died," Rachel whispered, burying her face on his chest. "You must think I'm crazy for feeling like this now, because I've dated a few guys in the past couple of years, but… I just…"

"I don't judge you. We all cope in different ways. And Rach, he's been gone for longer than a couple of years," he said sadly. "You have the right to live your life."

"Nothing ever felt right after him," she murmured. "I tried. I thought I could move on, but I just… how do you even move on?"

Kurt didn't have a proper answer. He wasn't sure he had moved on at all either.

"You know, every time a guy kisses me…" Rachel laughed, humorlessly, her eyes growing dark. "I cry. I just cry."

"I'm sorry, Rach," Kurt kissed the top of her head. "I wish I could just give you a medicine for a broken heart, but… there is none. Only time."

"But how much time, Kurt? How much longer?" She asked, pleadingly, and again, Kurt had no answers for her.

The only thing he could do was hold her as heart-wrenching sobs made her body shake against him.


It was a miraculously good morning. Blaine had woken up with the alarm, but for once Max hadn't started crying for attention as soon as he realized his uncle was up. The baby had just kept sleeping peacefully, giving Blaine some precious alone time with his cup of coffee.

Thanks to Max's unexpected kindness, Blaine had time to spare that morning, so he got dressed and sat at the kitchen table to grade some papers while he waited for Kurt to arrive.

A knock on the door announced his arrival only ten minutes later. Blaine had given him a key to the apartment, but Kurt still insisted on knocking every time. Blaine rolled his eyes as he walked to the door.

Kurt was also early - he wasn't supposed to get there for another half an hour, but Blaine was glad. It would give him time to stop by Starbucks on his way to campus for a second cup of coffee.

However, all thoughts of extra caffeine consumption abandoned his mind as soon as he opened the door. Kurt looked terrible - almost as bad as he had that day when he broke down at his office. Although he was impeccably dressed, not a single hair out of place, there was something about his eyes that blared an alarm in Blaine's head. There were dark marks under them, too, as if he hadn't gotten enough sleep the previous night.

"Hey Kurt, good morning," he said, as he moved aside to let him in, not taking his gaze out of him.

"Good morning, Mr. Anderson," Kurt replied softly. He put his bag down on the couch. "I mean, Blaine, sorry."

Blaine watched him for a moment as Kurt began to unbutton his black coat. "Is everything okay, Kurt?"

"What? Yeah, sure. Everything's great. Where's Max?" Kurt asked, looking around, as if expecting the baby to come crawling towards him.

"He's still asleep, believe it or not," Blaine said. He gestured towards the kitchen. "I have time before I have to leave. Care to join me for some coffee?"

It looked like Kurt was ready to throw himself at the coffee pot. "Oh yes, please. I would love some."

Blaine allowed Kurt to take two large gulps of coffee before he tried again. "Are you sure everything's okay? You look like something's troubling you."

"Is that a polite way to say I look like shit?" Kurt rolled his eyes tiredly, and the vocabulary was just another indication that something wasn't right. Kurt was nothing short of perfect in his presence. "Just tired. I stayed up talking to my roommate, and I just couldn't sleep much after that."

Blaine didn't want to pry. He wasn't Kurt's friend - it was more than okay if he didn't feel like sharing his every day issues with him. But it was clear he was upset, and Blaine couldn't just leave him, go to work, pretend nothing was wrong. On one hand, he wanted to make sure Kurt was up to taking care of Max, that he wasn't leaving his nephew with someone who just couldn't own to that responsibility today.

On the other hand, he really cared about Kurt. He wasn't sure how that had happened, but the need to help him almost burn him up inside.

"Look, I don't want to force you to talk or anything," Blaine assured him, softly. "But I also can't leave the house without knowing you're okay to be here with Max today and that…"

"Oh my god," Kurt's eyes grew wide, and he sat up straight. "Of course I am! I'm sorry! I don't want you to think… I'm fine. I won't screw this up. Max is safe with me. I'm still… no matter what happens in my personal life, I just… I'm fine. I can do this. It won't affect my job. I…"

"Kurt," Blaine interrupted, because the outburst only worried him more. He frowned. "Calm down. I believe you if you say you can take care of Max. But I don't believe for a second that you're fine."

It looked like Kurt having trouble breathing. His eyes had filled with tears as he talked, and now his knuckles were going white around the cup of coffee, like he was fighting hard to stop himself from crying. Blaine tentatively reached out, brushed his hand with the tips of his fingers, a questioning look on his face, and the dam broke.

Kurt's face fell, the sadness in his eyes overpowering everything else. His shoulder sagged, and Blaine realized he had been making a huge effort to act like nothing was wrong. He couldn't help but wonder how often he had to pretend like that. How did a guy so young look like the whole weight of the world was on his shoulders?

Instinctively, he pushed his chair closer to Kurt's and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Hey, hey. It's okay. It's okay, Kurt."

"It's not okay," Kurt whispered, his voice a lot more controlled than Blaine expected, one more proof that Kurt had a lot of practice pretending he was fine. "I just… why is everything so hard? Why is everything so unfair?"

"Why don't you tell me what's bothering you? Maybe we can find a solution," Blaine offered patiently.

As Kurt talked, Blaine wondered if Kurt had anyone he could talk to freely at all. It looked like he had been sheltering his emotions from everyone he knew, trying to keep them safe and protected… but at what cost? His own sanity? His own well-being?

Kurt told him about his heartbroken friend, Rachel, who still couldn't deal with losing the love of her life. He told him about his Dad, who wanted nothing more than to have him home for Christmas, but Kurt still couldn't afford the plane tickets. He told him about how the holidays seemed to be choking him on all fronts, trying to pull him in different directions. There was always someone who needed something from him, and he wanted to give it willingly, but he wasn't sure how much more he could remain cheerful and positive for others before his own spirit broke in a million pieces.

He told him he missed his brother, and this Blaine understood more than anything in the world, with all his heart.

"And how is it that I always end up spilling all my problems on you?" Kurt asked, as he dried a couple of rebel tears hastily. "How haven't you fired me yet?"

Blaine chuckled softly, and rubbed Kurt's back for a moment, hoping to comfort him. "It's fine. I think we've established on plenty of occasions that we just can't avoid sharing our problems with each other." Kurt tried to smile, but failed. "Look, Kurt… I'm happy to be here for you for whatever you need. If you can't talk to anyone else about these things… then I'm here. It's worst to keep it all bottled up."

"I know. And I promise I'm okay to stay with Max," Kurt replied earnestly. "I won't ever do anything to screw this up."

"I believe that," Blaine smiled at him. "You're great with him."

There was a small pause, and Kurt stared into his now-cold cup of coffee. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Blaine said, and then bit his lip. "Uhm. Is there… Can I help you in any way? I mean, not with your friend Rachel, unfortunately, but maybe I can give you some money in advance to…?"

"Oh, god, no," Kurt said, eyes going wide. "Please. You do enough for me. I can't ask you…"

"I'm offering…"

"Please, Blaine, don't make me…" Kurt began to say, but Max finally decided to wake up then, and Blaine rushed out of the kitchen to go get him.

By the time he went back into the kitchen with the baby on his hip, Kurt was washing the breakfast dishes, acting as collected as usual, and Blaine was almost late for work. It looked like it was his destiny to keep running to be on time for everything, even on mornings that promised to be slow and easy.

He kissed Max's head before placing him on his high chair, and stopped besides Kurt at the sink for a moment. "Call me if you need anything, and… please, if there's anything I can do…"

"You have done way more than your share already," Kurt said with a warm smile. "Just go. See you later, Professor Anderson."

Blaine wasn't sure why there was such a tight knot in his stomach all of a sudden, but he carried it with him for the rest of the day.


The following afternoon, when Blaine arrived home, Kurt was sitting on the floor with Max, a children Christmas movie playing on the TV. Max seemed entranced with all the colors, the songs, the magic, and Kurt was almost as lost in the movie as he was. Neither of them heard the door closing behind Blaine.

"That's Santa," Kurt told Max, pointing at the screen. "If you are a very, very nice boy, he will bring you lots of presents. But if you're naughty, like I was one year, he might only bring you discount coupons for Ocean Pacific, and trust me, no one would ever want that."

Blaine couldn't help but laugh, startling both Kurt and his nephew, who immediately crawled towards him to welcome him home. "I thought Santa gave coal to naughty kids."

"Yeah, but I was particularly bad that year, I didn't even deserve coal," Kurt said with a little smile, brushing his jeans as he stood up.

"Do I even want to know what you did to receive such oh horrible present?" Blaine asked, picking Max up and hugging him close.

There was a twinkle in Kurt's eye, the corners of his mouth rising a little. "I can't give away any details, but it involved my Great Aunt Fiona, her poodle, and lots of pink hair dye."

Blaine laughed good-naturedly. It was hard to remember when he had felt so light last. This apartment certainly hadn't been filled with this kind of sound in a long time. "You are one of a kind, Kurt," he said, in a soft, warm voice.

Kurt smiled a little, and they both just looked at each other. For a moment, Blaine was frozen, like his eyes couldn't stay away from him. Kurt, self-consciously, started bouncing on the heels of his shoes, before he sighed and just picked up his bag to leave.

"Oh, Kurt, before you go…" Blaine balanced Max a little on his hip, so he could reach into his bag for an envelope he had been carrying with him most of the day. "This is for you."

Kurt frowned and crossed the living room towards him. "What is it?"

"Just open it," Blaine said.

Kurt curiously opened the envelope and extracted two pieces of paper from it. His blue eyes (hadn't they been grey the previous morning? Blaine thought) widened. He looked up at Blaine and then back again, shocked. "These are… these are plane tickets."

Blaine smiled at him. "Consider them a sort of Christmas bonus."

Kurt hastily put the tickets back into the envelope and tried to push it into Blaine's hands. "No, no, no. I can't… I can't accept them. It's too much."

"Kurt," Blaine said, taking a step back so Kurt couldn't reach him. "They are yours. I'm not returning them, so if you don't use them, they'll go to waste."

"I can't… Blaine, god, this is…" Kurt stared at the envelope, like there wasn't anything he wanted more than what it contained. "You can't do this… I can't repay you…"

"Do you see this?" Blaine asked, pointing at Max's face, who was smiling, clearly entertained by the silly adults. "That smile is worth more than all the plane tickets in the world. You help make Max a happy little boy. I'm the one who will forever be indebted to you."

"But…" Kurt hesitated. "I… we haven't even talked about Christmas. I'm not sure if you need me, if you have plans, if I need to be here for Max…"

"Not at all. I'll be free from work, so I can take care of Max by myself," Blaine explained. "We're not really doing anything for the holidays."

At this, Kurt frowned. "Nothing? Nothing at all?"

Blaine shrugged a little, and his eyes found Kurt's again. "It doesn't feel very festive right now," he said, and Kurt understood.

"I'm sorry," Kurt replied, like it was his fault. "I'm sorry…"

"It's fine, really," Blaine said, although it wasn't. "We will just pretend Christmas doesn't even exist. We'll be two perfect little Grinches. I just don't… I don't think I have the energy to worry about the tree and the decoration, and the cookies… it's just… brings back a lot of…"

He let the sentence hang in the air, too heavy to even finish it. He was supposed to be giving Kurt a happy surprise. He didn't want to see him so sad again.

"But you should go home, see your family, have fun," Blaine continued, before Kurt even had time to think of something to say. "We'll be okay."

"Blaine, I just…" Kurt looked back down at the envelope, and by the way his eyes filled gradually with tears, Blaine knew he was thinking of his dad. "Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you…" And as he kept mumbling the same words over and over again, like a mantra he couldn't stop chanting, he wrapped his arms around both Max and Blaine and held them close.

Blaine's hand, trapped against Kurt's chest, was pressed right to his heart, and he could feel its pounding. He used his other arm, the one he wasn't holding Max with, to wrap Kurt up in an embrace as well.

Blaine was glad that at least one of them would have a chance at a merry Christmas.


Hope you liked it! Review and let me know what you thought :)

See you guys next week!

Love,

L.-