It was Sunday. The candy shop was closed. The sale would last for one more week. I counted up all the money I'd saved and realized I'd have enough if I worked one more day.
I did it.
Well, almost, but still. By the end of the week, I'd have more than enough! I really did it! Almost.
Maybe if I hadn't checked my savings, I wouldn't have done what I did later that day.
I had plans for that evening. Liz's favorite boutique was having a one-day-only sale, so she asked Maka to be her personal financial advisor. That meant she wanted Maka to keep her from buying too much. In return, Liz would treat her to dinner. Maka agreed, then immediately invited me to go with them.
Ever since that time we shared dessert in the cafeteria, Maka made a habit of asking me out to eat, whether it was for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I suspected that she was bothered by the fact that I usually ate alone. But I already told her I didn't mind. She insisted anyway. I could've said no, but then I'd miss out on spending time with her. They were good opportunities to get to know her more so that I could really call myself her close friend. Plus, sometimes she invited me to her apartment, and she was a great cook.
Maka was happy to answer my questions. When she asked about my sudden curiosity, I told her the truth. But it was a little embarrassing, so I kind of mumbled it. Maka leaned in to hear better.
"B-Because… I'd l-l-like it if I was… closer to you."
She smiled and nodded gently. "In that case, I'd like to know some things, too."
She started asking me some of the same questions I'd asked her. Nearly all of my responses took a while to come up with. I'd never really thought about what my favorite book or candy was. Maka seemed to enjoy waiting for my answers. If I was stuck, she made suggestions. I wanted to apologize for being so boring. I wasn't a very interesting person.
Liz, following Maka's advice, planned on taking us to a fast-food restaurant after shopping, in order to keep it cheap. The boutique, though, wasn't cheap at all. Even the lighting seemed expensive. And even though there was a sale, the prices were still high.
We followed her around until she was ready to try on some of the clothes in the fitting rooms. I drifted off toward where the hats were kept.
"What is it with that girl and shopping?" Ragnarok demanded as I picked up a beret that reminded me of the one my mascot suit had. "She's taking for-fucking-ever! I'm starving!"
"Wait just a little longer." I put the cap back.
"Easy for you to say." He crossed his arms.
"Think of it this way," I said, heading back to the dressing rooms. "The more you wait, the better it'll be when… you… finally…"
My voice trailed off. I slowed to a halt. There, next to the rooms, stood Maka, looking up at a faceless mannequin modeling an outfit.
She was beaming.
I watched as she lifted herself on tiptoe and pinched some of the clothes' material, rubbing it between her fingers.
Ragnarok jabbed me in the back of my neck, urging me forward.
Maka checked the price tag and her face fell. She quickly dropped it when I walked up to her. She flashed me a smile that I knew was fake. Before either of us could say anything, we heard Liz calling for help.
"Makaaaaaaaaaa… Could you come here and tell me if my butt looks big in these?"
"Yes! It does!" Ragnarok cut in before Maka could move. We could only see Liz's head peeking around the corner, and she didn't seem too happy. "I can see it from over here! It's gigantic! And gross!"
"Hey, why don't you shut up?-!" Liz yelled, her face red.
"Hey, why don't you hurry the hell up so we can get some food?-! I'm hungry!"
"Well that's too bad! Just for that, I'm going to take even longer now!"
"Bitch!"
"Asshole!"
"STOP IT ALREADY!" Maka and I screamed. We looked at each other in shock as the two weapons glared at one another.
Both of us were standing the exact same way, our hands balled into fists. Maka blushed, looking scared, and hurried over to Liz. Before she disappeared, she gave me a long glance. Her face was still pink but now she seemed puzzled instead of scared.
I changed my mind. I wasn't going to ask Ragnarok if he'd been trying to get us kicked out. The answer could've been yes just as easily as no, and I didn't want to find out.
I turned my head toward the mannequin to examine the outfit that had hypnotized Maka. The top was artfully torn along the sleeves and across the bottom. It had a little image of a heart with angel wings sprouting from it. The skirt was short, made of denim, and paired with tight black leggings.
I reached for the price tag.
Ragnarok uttered my thoughts. "You can afford it."
I bit my lip. "I shouldn't. That money's for Soul's bike…"
"It's not like you're spending all of it! Just use the rest of this week to fill the gap! It's your money, isn't it? You're the one who earned it. You're the one who worked so hard for it. Shouldn't you be allowed to do whatever you want with it?"
But even so… I didn't know Maka's size.
But I could find out. During dinner. I could sneak it into my list of questions.
I dropped the tag and looked the outfit up and down. The heavenly heart rested right where the statue's soul would be if it had one. I hesitantly stretched out my arm and felt all three pieces one at a time. The leggings were my favorite, but the mannequin was so rigid.
"I know who you're fantasizing about right now!" Ragnarok announced.
I pulled my hand away as if it had been burned. I ignored the storm of noogies that instantly followed, but couldn't ignore the words that came with it.
"Imagine the look on her face when you get it for her! Picture what she'll look like wearing it! Think about the things she'll say!" He changed his voice to sound even squeakier than it already was. "Oh, Chrona! You shouldn't have!"
Then he grabbed my cheeks and speedily shook my head back and forth. "DOESN'T THAT SHIT MAKE YOU WANNA PUKE A FUCKING RAINBOW?-!"
"WHAT?-! Ow, shtop it! I gewit, I gewit! Alwight, I'll do wit!"
He finally stopped, but not before a good number of weird stares flew our way.
"What's wrong with you? Do you always have to be so embarrassing in public?"
"I'm dying of hunger here!" he whined.
I wanted to get down on my knees and worship Liz when she finally went to pay for her new clothes. As we left the shop, I checked one of the signs in the window, the one that said when it would close. I would have plenty of time later to get the money and come back on my own. It'd be a surprise gift for Maka. I couldn't help smiling all throughout dinner.
I even smiled when Maka walked me to the academy steps and said, "See you tomorrow."
"Good night, Maka."
"You've been looking like that ever since we left the boutique."
"Like what?"
"Like you're just gonna burst out laughing." Maka cocked her head to one side. "Did something funny happen?"
"No, I just… like hanging out with you."
Her eyes softened. She moved closer and brushed a few of my bangs aside. "Me too."
I reached up and pressed her hand against the side of my face. I closed my eyes. I'd missed this.
I held her hand there, wanting it to leave a permanent mark. I'd missed her touch. It was the only kind I wanted—the kind I could actually feel. Stupid costume. I didn't care how cute it was; it was a pain.
Maka cupped her hand. She adjusted her palm to fit with my cheek and chin. Her fingers stroked the back of my ear.
That dense and fuzzy sensation crept into my chest.
I wished I could stand there and fall asleep. I wished time would freeze. I wished for Maka to feel exactly how I was feeling.
It was strange. I thought I'd be sad when we let go, but I wasn't. Just the opposite. It was as if nothing in the world could bring me down.
As she turned and waved goodbye, Maka said, "I really like seeing you happy."
When she was a good distance away, I put my hand to my lips. I was still smiling.
I raced up the stairs, really enjoying the cool evening air as it glided around me.
-xoxo-
I could barely sleep that night. The white cardboard box was safely tucked under my bed. The outfit lay neatly inside. Tomorrow I would give it to Maka, after class, before work.
The first thing I did when I woke up was check to see if it was still there. It was. I hadn't dreamt it. It was real.
I left it under my bed and hoped it'd still be there when I returned.
I walked to class with a sort of bounce in my step. I wondered if this was how Patty felt all the time.
I opened the door and my eyes immediately found her. My closest, most cherished friend. Maka. She sat, as usual, in the middle row next to Soul, who was talking to Black*Star one row in front. She wore the usual tie, vest, and long-sleeved shirt, her hair in the usual pigtails, her leafy green eyes studying a sheet of paper.
Before I could set one foot inside, someone called my name. I turned around and saw Azusa hurrying up to me. Panting slightly, she asked if I wouldn't mind helping her with a few urgent things.
"I know this is so last minute, but I could really use your help again. I'll pull you out of class just for today."
I nodded eagerly. Not only would this be a good way to thank her for giving me my first job, but also to relive those days when I worked for one person, not a company. Azusa was easier to deal with; she was more flexible and understanding. I gladly answered yes and insisted she didn't have to pay me.
"But…" I added, "Hang on one sec—just one sec—"
I dashed into the classroom and up the steps to the middle row.
"Good morning, Chro—" Maka couldn't finish her greeting. It ended in a surprised gasp.
As soon as I was near enough, my hands met hers. I leaned down and pushed myself against her, pressing one side of my face to that of her own.
Her fingers gripped around mine, but other than that, she didn't move.
I didn't care who was watching or listening. At the moment, my only concern was whether my sudden actions were freaking her out. I could feel her breath on my neck. It was a little heavy, but still normal. She was okay with this.
I knew I didn't have much time. As much as I wanted to hug her, I resisted. As much as I wanted to place my forehead on hers, I resisted. As much as I wanted to see if her heartbeat was pounding the same way mine was, I resisted.
I slid my mouth right next to her ear. "I have something to show you," I whispered, "after school."
"Where?" she whispered back. I didn't know why we were whispering. I didn't think she knew either.
"The balcony."
Maka shifted, tilting her head up a bit and squeezing my hands tighter. I dared to believe she was thinking the same thing I was. We hadn't been there in a while. It was one of my favorite places to be, partly because it had a beautiful view and partly because Maka liked talking to me there, just the two of us.
She said, "Okay."
I kept my feet planted down. I wanted to stay for as long as I could and not a moment less. Pulling my head back, I watched my hands bring hers together. She folded them as though in prayer. I covered them.
Maka looked up at me. My smile grew because she had no idea why I was so happy. For now, it was a secret only I knew about. Soon I could share it with her.
Straightening up, I pulled our hands level to my chin. Maka made as if to stand, so I pushed them back to make her stay. When she raised a questioning eyebrow, I reassuringly patted her hands before letting them go. If I stalled any longer, I might not have ever been able to leave.
When Azusa asked me about my good mood, I proudly told her it was a secret.
After she let me go, I raced back to my room to get the box. Good, it was still there. On the way out, I stopped and looked at my mirror. I fixed my hair so that the top lay nice and flat. I smoothed out all the wrinkles in my dress and made sure my cuffs were nice and even.
I stared at my reflection. Before that moment, I'd never really cared that much about the way I looked. I wondered if this was how Kid felt all the time.
In order to keep myself neat and tidy, I couldn't run to the balcony. I had to walk. But I wanted to hurry. I wasn't worried that Maka would get impatient—I knew she'd wait for me. I was worried that my patience would run out.
It took every ounce of self-control I had to walk, not run when I saw her sitting on the ledge. My spine tingled as I drew closer. This was it.
Maka had her head down, probably gazing at all the buildings below. I slowed down to keep my footsteps quiet even though it was likely that she already knew I was there. I hid the present behind my back, but she didn't turn around. I moved quietly, until I was right beside her. Before she could turn her head or speak, I asked her to close her eyes. She did.
"What's gotten into you today?"
"It's a surprise."
I sat down and took the surprise out from behind me. I lifted the top half just a little to see if the clothes were still inside. They were. I shut the lid and looked at Maka.
Judging from the way she was smiling and the barely noticeable twisting of her hands in her lap, it would seem fair to say she was excited. Or, at the very least, curious. Either way, it would be cruel to keep her waiting any longer.
"You can open them now."
It wasn't like I imagined. When she saw me holding the box out for her, she didn't gasp in delight or praise me for being so thoughtful. She made no noise at all. She simply stared before wordlessly reaching for it. But the small, sincere smile still clung to her face.
She pulled the white rectangular box into her lap and ran a hand over its smooth cardboard surface.
"A present?" she asked, looking up at me.
I nodded sheepishly, raising one arm to grip the other.
My friend focused on her gift, tracing her fingers along the edge. She observed it like it was a mildly interesting novel.
My smile was on the verge of turning into a nervous one.
Maka brushed a pigtail behind her ear before opening it. For a moment, everything was silent except for a few birds chirping in the distance. The outfit lay in plain sight, drowning in sunlight. I held my breath.
Her smile was fake now. I clutched my arm harder. Didn't she like it? I was positive I bought the right one. It was the one she wanted, right? Maka's smile changed again. It was a sad smile. Maybe she's touched?
"Chrona…" She reached out to take my empty hand. She didn't hold it firmly—she was barely holding it at all. Her fingers were much too light and hesitant, as though I were a stranger. Her eyes wouldn't look up.
"Did you steal this?" she asked gently.
I panicked. "N-N-No!"
Maka let go of my hand and sat up straight, waiting for an explanation. She stared blankly, as though she were looking right through me.
I rubbed my arm, wishing I could shrink and shrink until nothing was left. I spoke to the outfit. Maybe knowing the truth would make her smile for real again.
I told her that I used the money meant for Soul's bike, quickly adding that I could still earn enough by the end of the week.
"Are you sure?"
"Y-Yes… I think…"
Maka closed her eyes. Her hands were rolled up into tight fists.
I was pretty sure it would be a bad idea to ask what she was thinking about. The way she was sitting so stiffly made me think she was fighting something back. Was she going to yell at me? Was she mad at me? I could feel the atmosphere between us changing, and I didn't like it one bit. It was as if storm clouds were gathering. Why couldn't she be happy with her present? This wasn't turning out like I'd hoped.
Maka sighed and opened her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said, closing the box. "I can't accept—You shouldn't have done this." She shoved it into my hands. Her voice was as determined as her face. "Take it back."
No sooner had the words left her mouth than something else she'd said before came rushing into my head.
"No… I got this for you, Maka. It's yours. I saw how much you liked it, so…"
I held it out for her, but she pushed it back.
"I don't want it anymore—Take it back!"
"But, but you said it before, right? You said you wouldn't force me to do anything I didn't want to."
"Well, no one forced you to spend that money on me!"
"Ragnarok k-kinda did…"
"Ragnarok didn't actually make you pay for these, did he? All he can do is talk. You didn't have to listen to him. What were you thinking?" Maka lowered her head and her shoulders shook with either anger or sadness. Or maybe both. "…I won't force you, but I will ask you. Please, take it back."
I was more than willing to surrender if I could. I didn't understand exactly why she was upset, but I could see that I was hurting her, so I needed to stop. I had to give up and do whatever Maka wanted. I tried to do something nice, but it was a mistake. I failed. Again. Why did I keep messing up?
All I wanted was to be a good friend. If I couldn't even be that, then what good was I? My arms wrapped tightly around the white box because I needed something to hug. I didn't want to say the two words that I was about to say. But I had to.
"I can't."
Maka snapped her head up, her face full of frustration instead of disappointment. "Why not?"
"I don't have the receipt…"
A pause followed. The longer it stretched, the more I realized something. Something important.
I would do anything for Maka.
I wished I could make her smile. I wished I could make her happy. Maybe if I told her I would look for it—even if it meant digging through heaps of trash—then she'd understand. Maybe then she'd know how much I cared about her.
But it was too late. While I thought of a little speech to make, Maka had had enough.
She swung her legs off the ledge, nearly scraping my hands with her shoes as she did. She dropped her feet to the ground, bolted upright, snatched the box from my fingers, and left without a backward glance.
I watched her go without really seeing her. My head hurt. I'd almost forgotten how it felt to be angry.
Maka had a way of doing that. If she was happy for me, then I was happy too. When she was sad, then I was sad too. I'd get scared if she was scared. And now, I was mad that she was mad.
I looked down at all those buildings. They weren't so pretty anymore.
I sat on that balcony until I realized I was going to be late for work.
-xoxo-
The next day, Tuesday, I found Maka sitting in her usual spot in the middle row. Our eyes met, and my fingers tightened around the classroom doorknob. She glared before burying her nose in a book. I went to sit closer to the front, next to Tsubaki and Black*Star instead.
The dark-haired weapon noticed the change right away.
"Did something happen between you and Maka? It almost looks like… like you two had a fight."
Her partner snorted. "It sure didn't look that way yesterday. What with their little hand games and all…"
I cringed.
Tsubaki ignored him and said, "Don't worry, Chrona. Friends don't stay mad for long."
I wasn't mad at Maka. I wasn't even mad at myself anymore.
All throughout the lesson, I kept turning my head around to glance at her. She refused to look at me. The minutes could not have gone by any slower.
Since Maka was angry with me, I had to give her lots of space. I had to be patient. Soon Maka would forgive me. She would forgive me, right? She forgave me under much more dire circumstances before.
I couldn't concentrate. My writing was sloppy. Little scribbles ran along the borders of my notes.
During lunch, Maka didn't sit with us.
"She said she'd be at the library," Soul mentioned.
I wondered if he knew that I spent some of the money on those clothes. I wondered where those clothes were now. I wondered if Maka went to the library because she didn't want to be near me.
What went wrong? Just yesterday, everything was perfect. Today, everything was a disaster. I couldn't think about anything except for the next time Maka would look at me. The sooner she looked at me, the sooner she'd speak with me again. The sooner she spoke, the sooner she'd forgive me. The sooner she forgave me, the sooner we could go back to being friends.
How long would I have to wait? I felt trapped.
When class ended for the day, Maka was the first one out the door.
It was official.
Maka had avoided me for one full day.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
-xoxo-
Wednesday. I didn't want to leave my room. I had just woken up from a dream where Maka was talking to me again and she was wearing the outfit I got her and she let me touch her legs and they weren't like the mannequin's at all. But it was only a dream. I considered pretending to be sick so I'd have an excuse to stay in bed.
But then I wouldn't see Maka. I needed to see her, even if she was mad at me.
Or maybe she wasn't mad anymore. Maybe she cooled off. There was only one way to find out.
I made the mistake of getting my hopes up. When I entered the classroom, she was nowhere to be seen. I turned around, fully intending to climb back into my bed. Instead, I nearly collided with Maka.
My jaw dropped, too stunned to stammer. It was as if she materialized out of thin air, just for me.
I stood in the doorway, hand still on the knob, hardly daring to believe I was awake. But there she stood, too perfect to be fake.
I wanted to smile because it was the first time we were so close to each other since we last spoke. But I couldn't because I didn't know if she was still mad at me.
Maka had taken a half-step back to keep us from crashing. She stared at me with boredom on her face.
No.
She wasn't staring at me… Her eyes had a far-off look. She was staring past my ear. Silently.
She was still mad. She hated me.
My eyes began to water and for a split-second, I forgot how to deal with… everything. How did I stop myself from crying? By holding back, holding them in, not letting them go. How did I breathe again? By inhaling and exhaling. How did I calm my heart down? Oh, right. I couldn't; it was involuntary.
I felt dizzy. I thought I was going to faint.
"Hey, Chrona, you're blocking the way." But it wasn't Maka who said it. Soul was standing right behind her. He'd been there the whole time, hadn't he? But Maka was the only one I'd seen. Maybe something was wrong with me.
I blinked. "Oh—S-S-Sorry." I stepped aside, holding the door open for them.
As she went in, Maka didn't glance at or brush past me. Maybe she just needed more time.
I fingered the handle and finally decided to stay. I sat next to Black*Star and Tsubaki again. Even though I was there physically, my mind was somewhere else.
"You're too sweet to yell at."
"No one forced you to spend that money on me!"
I was starting to figure out why this time was different from the others. I couldn't hear her thoughts, so I had to come up with my own theories. All I did was buy something for her. All I did was spend money that I was supposed to save. That was nothing compared to the horrible things I'd done long ago: kill, lie, betray. Maka helped me through it all. But now, why was she so upset over this little thing?
It was only a guess, but I thought I knew the answer. Back when I killed, lied, and betrayed, it was never really me. I was always a puppet when I did those things. But I bought the outfit of my own free will. Nobody controlled me. Ragnarok didn't count. Maybe that was why Maka disapproved so much. Maybe.
But, to be honest, I didn't care. I wanted to get it for her. I didn't regret what I'd done. I only regretted hurting her. It'd be hard, but I would wait for her. As long as I didn't bug her, she'd come around. I hoped it would happen soon, because I missed her badly.
How could I miss someone when they were sitting three rows behind me? It scared me to think that I could be affected this much in just a couple of days. And it was only going to get worse. But at least I was able to see her, since we were in the same class. All I had to do was hang in there and soon things would go back to normal.
Maka didn't have lunch with us again. She went to the library instead. Again. Nobody questioned it, knowing how much she liked to read and study.
I wasn't feeling very hungry that day.
When school was over, she was the first one out the door again. Instead of notes, I packed up pages filled with doodles of her that I didn't remember drawing.
I fell into a deep, uneasy, dreamless sleep that night.
-xoxo-
Thursday. I'd rather have Maka mad at me and trying to kill me than have her mad at me and not speaking to me.
Her silence was torture. It was like the dream I had where she quietly lay on the hospital bed, ignoring me. Refusing to look at me.
I hadn't heard her voice in over two days.
I wanted to hear it, I had to hear it, I needed to hear it. It was impossible to read her mind. Maka was an amazing person with lots of interesting things to say. It wasn't good for a brilliant girl like her to not talk. I loved listening to her.
I knew I shouldn't have, but I let my hopes skyrocket as high as they wanted. Maka would definitely speak to me today. If not, she'd undoubtedly look at me.
There was no way she could be mad at me forever, right?
I got ready for class much too quickly. By now, I knew that Maka was the only reason I kept going. I felt bad for not being able to concentrate on the lessons. But today would be different.
I opened the door just a crack and peeked in. She was there! So far, so good. I pushed the door all the way and stepped in. I looked up at the middle row. She was writing in her notebook. I closed the door as loudly as I dared.
She didn't look up.
My stomach sunk.
Wait, maybe if I get closer…
I ascended the steps one at a time. I didn't go too far, though. Just to be safe, I stopped at the row Tsubaki and Black*Star were in. I gazed up at Maka, willing her to notice me.
No luck.
Wait, just because she hasn't seen me yet doesn't mean she's still mad at me…
I sighed. The vacant spot next to her was beckoning me, but I couldn't risk it.
I sat down and wished it was just the two of us in the room.
I finally worked up the nerve to take one quick look at her.
I turned my head.
She was staring at me. STARING. Her eyes were on me, and they weren't moving away.
I nearly had a heart attack. Could it really be happening?
Maka put down her pen and stood. She started making her way out.
I turned back around, my face burning. She finally looked at me! It wasn't just a glance. She didn't look away when she saw me catch her eye. It was over. She looked at me, and now she was coming to talk to me. She would talk and I would listen. I would hear her voice and anything she said would sound wonderful.
She'd forgive me and thank me for not bothering her while she was in a bad mood. I'd apologize for upsetting her and I'd tell her that there was nothing I wouldn't do for her.
I was glad to be sitting at the end of the row, right beside the steps. It made it really easy for her to reach me.
My hands fidgeted in my lap, nervous but excited.
Maka came closer until she was right next to me, but… she kept going.
Where was she going?
Maka descended the stairs all the way and walked to the door.
She left.
But… I saw her looking at me. It wasn't my imagination.
Maybe she was just going to the bathroom and when she got back, she'd come and talk to me.
…Who am I kidding?
I was wrong, wasn't I? She was still mad.
I folded my arms on top of the cold, flat surface in front of me and rested my head in them. It was dark, so it didn't matter if I closed my eyes. I stayed very, very still.
"Chrona."
I wasn't going to cry. I would hold onto my patience. And my sanity.
"Chrona."
I raised my head but kept it settled on my arms.
"You should talk to her." Tsubaki's voice was gentle and firm at the same time. Kinda like Maka's.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head slowly. "She doesn't want to talk to me, so I caaaaan't…"
There was a short pause before Tsubaki spoke again. "Then I'll talk to her."
I froze, a little shocked. Would she really do that for me? And why was she so concerned? It had nothing to do with her, but she wanted to help anyway.
I looked up at her with wide, curious eyes. "R-Really?"
"Of course. To tell the truth, I've been worried about you two. You're the last person I'd expect Maka to be angry with. I promise I'll do what I can, so don't worry."
Her kindness lifted my spirits. If anyone could convince Maka to forgive me, it would be her.
"Th-Thank you…"
She smiled and, even though mine was small, I smiled back.
Maka was the first one out when it was time for lunch. Tsubaki was right on her heels. I hesitated, then followed them secretly. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it.
Maka turned and entered a hallway. Tsubaki sped up and stepped right in front of her path. I pressed myself against a wall, safely hidden. I peeked around it and saw Maka's back. Tsubaki didn't seem to know I was there. Her eyes were on Maka.
"I want to talk to you about Chrona."
"There's nothing to talk about."
It was so good hearing her voice.
"Aren't you guys having a fight? Whatever it is, you need to end it. Chrona is really worried about you. Please, I don't think you should be angry anymore…"
Maka gave a long, shuddering sigh. "I'm not mad."
I listened even more closely than before.
Tsubaki frowned. "But… The way you've been acting…"
"That's exactly what it is. An act."
"…You mean… You're only pretending to be mad?"
"That's right."
"But why would you do that? That's… mean."
"Exactly." Maka lowered her head and spoke quietly. "Chrona used some of the money for fixing Soul's motorcycle to buy an outfit for me. You see? For me. So, in a way, it's partly my fault. I'm the reason Chrona messed up and did the wrong thing."
"Maka…"
"If I stop being nice, then Chrona won't do things like that anymore, right? I don't want to be the cause of another mistake. None of that money should've been spent on me. I'm not mad, but… Sometimes I feel like I'm just a distraction. Maybe it'd be better if Chrona hated me."
Tsubaki opened her mouth to say something, but I interrupted her.
"You're wrong."
I moved into the hall, away from my hiding place. My arms were folded together in front of me, as if I was cold. I didn't get closer than a few feet, wanting to respect Maka's space.
Both of them looked surprised to see me, but it was Maka who made me momentarily forget what I was about to say.
There were tears flowing down her cheeks.
How could she be crying when she was just talking with such a strong, steady voice? I nearly choked. Seeing her sad, of course, made me feel sad. But I wanted to be strong now, so I did my best to hold my tears in.
"I could n-n-never h-hate you, Maka. You d-don't have to p-pretend anymore."
She was a wreck. Her eyes were wide and sunken, like she was staring at a ghost.
Maka moved forward, lifting her arms, but then stopped. She dropped them to her sides and stepped back, a pained expression on her face.
Tsubaki put her hand on Maka's shoulder and gave her a nod. I wished I could understand what was going on, but I found out once Maka started forward again. She wanted to hug.
I unfolded my arms and hastened to meet her.
"I'm sorry," she gasped, gripping me so hard it hurt. Not that I minded. "I shouldn't let little things like that get to me. It was stupid. I'll never do that again." Her eyes were red and her breathing was heavy. She was really pressing into me, like she was trying to sew us together.
I held her close, relieved that she was finally talking to me again. I had so much more I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't because Tsubaki was right there. And anyone could walk by at any time. I only wanted Maka to hear it, but now I had to wait. Instead, I just murmured that everything was alright. I closed my eyes because I didn't want to see Tsubaki's stare.
Maka sniffled and loosened her grip, but I held on tighter because I didn't want to separate yet. This was real; I wasn't about to let go so easily. She didn't protest.
We mingled in our embrace until I felt too self-conscious. Then we turned to Tsubaki and the three of us went to find our friends in the cafeteria.
I found it difficult to stop looking at her during lunch. I watched as she slowly calmed herself and returned to being the normal, happy Maka I knew. It was hard to stop looking at her during class, too. I thought that once she quit ignoring me, I'd be able to concentrate on my schoolwork again. If anything, I was even more preoccupied than before. But it didn't worry me too much—I knew I'd get back into the hang of it soon.
It was strange how something that kept us apart managed to bring us even closer than before. When it was time to leave, I asked if I could talk to her. I thought she would be busy, but she said yes.
She asked if I wanted to talk at the balcony, but I said no. I wanted to talk with her in my room, where it'd be more quiet and not as open. The words I had to get out were only for Maka's ears.
I closed the door and she instantly went to the window, but my plant still hadn't even begun to grow yet. Maka sat on my bed, slightly disappointed.
I stood by the door, suddenly nervous. Why did it feel weird all of a sudden? I'd always been so comfortable around her before.
Maka rested her eyes on me, and my feet carried me over to her. The bed creaked a little under me. My arms wrapped around her.
"I… I missed you…"
She didn't move. I tried not to think about the thousands of terrible things that might happen. I just waited to see what would happen and got ready to go from there when it came.
Slowly, she raised her arms and draped them around my neck. She whispered, "I'm sorry" and placed her cheek against mine. It was calming to know she never really hated me.
Realizing she didn't mind being this close made it easier for me to relax into the hug. All the tension left my body. Yesterday she wouldn't even speak to me, but today she let me hug her two times in a row! It was like we were filling in all the emptiness from the past couple of days. I wanted to move on like they'd never happened.
"You're not a distraction," I told her. There was no reason for Maka to ever think badly about herself. "You are the most wonderful and most special person I've ever known and that's why you're very important to me. I like seeing you everyday. I like hearing you talk. You deserve only the nicest things. As long as you're happy, then I know everything will be okay. I'd do anything to see you smile."
It was only a fraction of how I felt about Maka. If I could write it all down, it would probably be enough to fill a book. Even so, words could only do so much. I worried that they wouldn't be enough to make her understand.
Maka pulled back, her hands sliding away from my neck so she could hold onto my arms instead, right below my shoulders. Her eyes were downcast. She was thinking deeply about something, and whatever it was must've been really sad.
This could've been the perfect time to ask her what she was thinking about, but I decided not to. It would've been nice to find out what was going on in her head and then look for a way to make her smile. Sometimes, though, it was better to leave someone to their privacy. I sensed that this was one of those times.
On the bright side, if I practiced some more and worked to become a true close friend, then I should be able to read Maka better without having to ask.
For now, though, I didn't get why Maka looked so sad. I stared and stared at her face, but nothing came to mind. We sat in silence for a long time.
At last, Maka stirred. She lifted her head and enveloped her arms around my neck again.
For a second, she simply gazed up at me, almost like she was waiting for me to say something. Or do something. But it didn't last, and she leaned in to put her cheek against mine again. Her fingers lightly stroked my hair. I held her closer.
I was positive that it was the longest hug we'd ever shared. It was like taking a long, hot bath during a cold night. The dense and fuzzy feeling gradually melted into something soft and loose. My heart slowed to a smooth and steady beat.
Afterwards, we just sat and talked about little things—about the book I was reading, about books we'd both read, about schoolwork, about music. We talked about Soul and the others, about teachers, about her parents. I asked her to see if I was remembering her favorite things correctly ("What was your favorite holiday again?"). I asked her new questions ("Are you allergic to anything?").
I would've talked with Maka all night if I could, but I soon had to leave for work. She must've noticed how disappointed I was, because when we stood, she gently pinched my chin and raised it. She gave me one of her most sincerest smiles.
"I promise you'll see me tomorrow."
Would it ever be possible for me to never have to leave her side?
