Jordan: I have come to the conclusion that I have power over time.
Rika: The saga continues…
Jacob: And… HOW did you come to this conclusion?
Jordan: I didn't. It just came to me.
Raisho: How did it come to you?
Gabriel: Can you PROVE you have manipulative powers over time?
Jordan: Sure, why not? (turns to clock on wall) DO AS I COMMAND!!! (second-hand ticks forward once) There, see?
Chapter VIII
Of Course, You Realize This Means WAR! (Part One)
Toad Town was always quiet and peaceful in the morning, with curious raccoons seeing if they could sneak out last night's ravioli.
Often makes one wonder if it can last more than ten minutes at a time, doesn't it?
~ Mario was the first one up that morning. Yawning, he got out of bed (Doing his best to avoid waking Luigi up) and went down to the kitchen after washing himself up in the bathroom.
As he took out a bowl, he saw a picture of himself, Luigi, and their third brother, Clayton, on the wall. He put down the bowl and sighed, thinking about their brother. Clayton, or Clay to his family and friends, had gone out on a date with his girlfriend, Vivian, two days ago and hadn't come back. Mario, Luigi, and their friends had searched for them both, but so far had come up with nothing. Mario was especially stressed out when her two sisters attacked, thinking the plumbers were behind her disappearance, but the situation was diffused quickly with a quick explanation from Luigi.
Mario sighed once and put the bowl down. Today, when Luigi had woken up and they both finished breakfast, they would resume searching. He just hoped that they would get results.
He was suddenly jarred from his thoughts by a loud explosion.
~ As Peach combed her blonde hair, she thought about Clay and Vivian, wondering where they had disappeared to. She was really fond of them both, and hoped that they would be able to find them today.
Her thoughts drifted to the boy from yesterday. She barely knew who he was, or was he had been there at the time. Still, she was thankful for his help, and looked forward to meeting him again. She had heard from Zane T. that he and Meriee (along with the robots) had met them hours after Bowser's attack, and hoped to meet him and his friends today. Maybe they could help find Clay and Vivian…
And at that moment, a loud BOOM! tore her from her thoughts.
~ "THAT RASSA-FRASSIN' KID IS gonna get it when I find him!" A certain spiky koopa king had been ranting of this all through the night, and currently into the morning.
"How long has it been again?" A random henchman asked another.
The second looked at his watch. "Thirteen hours, three minutes, and fourteen seconds."
"Now, now, Your Quirkiness," Kammy had been trying to calm him down, with little, if any, progress. "You mustn't let this child get to you--"
"But he IS getting to me! That's the problem! He just waltzes in like a hobo off the street, and beats me! How the HECK does that happen?!" Bowser's rage suddenly calmed into a suddenly sullen expression. "Have I lost my touch, or something?"
"Maybe." piped up one henchman. The unlucky man was then met with 5000 degrees of raging funk from Bowser's mouth.
Outside the throne room, Bowser Jr., Wendy, and Larry (three of the eight Koopalings--Bowser's kids) looked at each other. "King Dad lost to a kid?" Larry asked in disbelief.
"I'd think it would be Mario again, but…a kid?" Wendy shook her head. "That CAN'T be right…"
"King Papa's gotta be testin' us," Bowser Jr. suggested. "I mean this can't really be--" "I can hear you three back there. Come here."
The three of them froze. Not literally, but it wouldn't have made any difference.
"Well?! Come in!"
The three of them slowly walked in, each of them expecting the worst. As they stood before their father, he looked down at them for a moment, then sighed. "Kids, I'm gonna say something' today. Somethin' I never thought would ever escape my snaggle-toothed jaw." The three kids looked up at their father with various degrees of worry and concern. "Yesterday…" He sighed, then continued. "I was beaten by a kid--" That was all he could get out before an explosion ripped the air asunder.
~ In the east wing of Peach's castle, a lone man stood on a balcony facing the town. Anyone going out on that balcony would have met no one, for only he could decide who would see him or not. He was silent at first, looking out at the town, until he heard footsteps behind him. "I assume everything is set?"
"As set as it could be, lord."
The man nodded once. "And Pokey and his men?"
"They're in position, though I can't stand him whining all the time. The sooner we finish this, the better."
"The Seasons are in place?"
"Obviously."
"Good. Now, try to remember that killing and pillaging is NOT necessary. That doesn't mean they can't have their fun, of course. By the way, is--"
"Yes, the Anti is ready. But are you sure we can trust him?"
"Of course, Princess. But that doesn't mean he isn't expendable."
(Zane: Wait, 'Princess'?
Tom: PEACH?!?!
Jordan: Nope.
Crow: No? Wait, then who--
Jordan: Her name is just 'Princess.' Just wait and see.)
"True enough. When shall we get started, Kavma?"
Kavma (for it was indeed he) smiled slightly. "Right now, if you wish."
The woman he called 'Princess' lifted up a rocket launcher. "As of now, these Toads are officially &!$ed."
~ …Jaron…
…Hi, mom…
Time to get up, sweetie…
Jaron slowly opened his eyes, blinked a couple of times, then sat up. "Looks like a new day, huh, Kioko?" he asked his Shinx plush.
(Tom: Kioko? You named the plush Kioko?
Jaron: (Blushes madly) S-stop teasing me!)
Yawning a little, he got up and went to the bathroom to wash himself, then, as he came back into the bedroom, he saw Kaitlin sitting on the second bed holding a window pole like a sniper rifle. "What's with the pole?"
"That's…private."
Jaron shrugged. "Okay, then." Picking up Kioko, he nudged Namine's side gently. "Time to get up. It's a new day." Namine yawned, stretched, then, blinking, she sniffed and licked Jaron's hand once. "By the way, where's Roxas?"
"He's with Max and James in the other room."
"Ah. You know, you guys never did tell me where--"
And that's when the Thunderbolt MK. 13 rocket struck.
~ KABLAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!
To sum it up in a nutshell, the blast radius of the explosion was large enough to take out several buildings, causing m55iv3 Dmg3.
Jaron leapt up from where he had ducked and ran toward the window to see what had happened. Kaitlin joined him. "What the heck just happened?!"
"I don't know! It-- Look!"
~ They came out of nowhere.
From the sky…
From the earth…
From the water…
From the fire…
They came, and they did what destiny commanded them to do.
Which, in this case, was to cause carnage.
As several Toads ran out from a wreckage, a man with a pair of giant wings descended upon them with powers of ice. Within moments, they were all frozen solid.
Several other Toads attempted to flee, but hands came out of the ground and pulled them down to their necks, preventing their escape.
Even more attempted to run, but they were borne upward mighty gusts, sending them to crash into heaven knows whatever.
All that, however, paled in comparison to the madness they were about to cause.
~ As Jaron, Kaitlin, and Namine watched the scene, Max and James joined them. "Who are these guys?!" Max asked.
"I don't know…" Kaitlin said slowly, "But we can't just stand here. C'mon!"
~ Kavma watched from the balcony, noting each individual as they appeared. "Winter…Autumn…Spring. It's been a while since they've had any fun, eh, Summer?"
As he finished speaking, a woman appeared from behind him out of nowhere. Allow me to describe her in detail. She was tall, with an orange and black body suit with a flame motif. Her hair was down to the waist, an amber-brown hue. In a word, she was what could be best described as 'drop-dead gorgeous', though there was something in her grass-green eyes that warned any observers not to mess with this diva.
(Kaitlin: Diva?
Jordan: Have anything better?
Kaitlin: No, I don't.
Tom: Maybe she's best described as a b--
Jordan: Keep talking and I will see to it that you will be a test subject for the Camptown Ladies Project. (Thinks about it for a minute) Actually, maybe I should--
Tom: I DON'T WANNA DIE!!!!! (Flees)
Kaitlin: The Project won't kill him…)
"You suggesting our skills have gotten rusty, Sir?" The woman in orange and black, now confirmed as Superior Summer, asked Kavma.
"Oh, hardly. I'm just saying that none of you have seen any action for so long. Don't you enjoy the opportunity to stretch your legs and blow up things?"
"True, I enjoy the occasional rending of limbs, yes…" She trailed off as she looked off toward the latest building Enraged Autumn had demolished. "…Some more than others."
Princess had finished readying another rocket. Taking aim, she launched it and tsked. "Dammit. Missed that annoying Zane kid. Hand me another."
"Who are you aiming at next?" Summer asked.
"That old Toad there. See him, Ms. Sums-It-Up?"
"Oh, I hate him. Fire away."
~ Tom Servo observed the carnage from the window, watching impassively as a building crumbled. He then turned, arms outstretched, and declared, "Cambot! GET ME MY CLOAK!!!"
"It's in the wash."
"Oh. Then GET ME MY ORANGE ROBE!!!"
"In the wash too."
"My brown overcoat?"
"Gave it to charity."
"My red kilt."
"Stolen."
"Fine, then get me my security blanket."
"Go get it yourself!"
~ Zane turned around, searching for the source of the carnage in the alley he was trapped in. The explosion from earlier had caught him completely off guard, and now he was sure that someone was shooting at him. With rockets. "Alright, who shot that?! Where are you?!"
"Right here."
"?!?!" Zane whipped around. Nothing there.
"Too slow, kid."
"Wha--"
BAM!!!
Allow me to express the opinion that being hit by a fist going 110 MPH in not pleasant at all. Zane found this out the hard way, unfortunately. He also found that brick walls were indeed made of brick. HARD brick. Something broke. Nothing bone, thankfully. Groaning, he slowly got up, holding his bloody nose. "Oww…who--"
"Surprised? You should be, you little *$&^." Almost instantly a man materialized before him. He was a tall, muscular man in an orange and red body suit, around 6 feet tall, with short, spiky hair. Zane noticed his brow had a permanent crease, most likely from being mad all his life. His dark-brown eyes looked like they would combust any minute. In short, he could be described as "a man's man."
(Jacob: Seriously, Jordan?
Jordan: YOU were the one who typed that, not me.
Jacob: YOU'RE the editor!
Rika: Can't you two ever get along?
Jordan: We are getting along. This is just the way we debate.)
Zane looked at his adversary. "That was a cheap shot!" He said, still applying pressure to the bridge of his nose to ease the bleeding.
"So? I'm sure you've attacked some poor &%$ from behind, right, Shroomy?"
"You kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"You kiss yours with that nose?" The man cracked his neck. "All right, enough talk, kid. I'll give you ten seconds to get out of my sight, or I'll break every single bone in your body. Even the little ones!"
Zane quickly realized this wasn't your average bad guy. Something about the body suit he wore… Zane had a buzz going on in his head, one that wouldn't go away. The buzz told him that this hulking tank of a man's man was part of some organization. Question was, which one? "Who the hell are you?"
"Nobody you need to know. Well? Are you going to run or not?"
Zane looked like he was thinking. "…Nah. I've just decided that I might as well stay and wipe the floor with you, so maybe YOU should get running!"
Without even saying anything, the man tilted his head sharply. The two of them were in an alley, with two buildings on either side. As soon as his head tilted, one half of the buildings collapsed, blocking the way out of the alley. He cracked his knuckles. "You just signed your death wish, Shroomhead. You'll wish you never ran afoul of Enraged Autumn of the Four Seasons." He crouched. "Goodbye." And then he melted into the ground!
Zane took a step back, shocked. A voice caused him to jump. "Where, oh where, oh where could I be?" Cue the dark chuckle. "I'll give you ten minutes. No hope, no help and no escape. If you can beat me in ten minutes, which you won't by then, then I MIGHT leave. When you lose--well, I don't think you'll need to worry about that. THAT outcome is pretty much guaranteed with me!"
~ The man with the wings (known as Weeping Winter, to give his full title) surveyed his 'handywork', which comprised of several poor Toads frozen into odd yet skillfully done ice sculptures. "Job done. And yet…oddly unsatisfying."
"HEY!!!!!!!!!!"
Winter didn't turn, instead brushing off some dust off his blue and black sleeve. "What sort of fool are you? A reckless and ridiculous one, no doubt. I would like your name and/or rank, please."
"Name: Thomas Brunswick Servo. Rank: TOTAL BADASS!!!!!"
Winter figured there was no longer any point ignoring this idiot. Turning, he was what could be best described at the oddest sight he had ever seen. It was best described as a levitating gumball machine with a miniscule, silver beak-like mouth. There was an assortment of crazy and bizarre weaponry behind/beside him that was either acquired by questionable means or were just not allowed in the kingdom at all. (Two of them were cages.)
Winter sniffed. "You aren't worthy of effort. Begone, lest I tear you asunder. Being mechanical cannot save you from what I am capable of."
"Oooooh, don't YOU talk fancy-shmancy. I happen to be a trainee of the Toad Town Police Force, and what you are doing is in clear violation of Section F, Page 14, Paragraph 5, Footnote ii, Word 32. 'Or.' To read the FULL section…hold on, I have it here…aha!" Tom pulled out a paper that could reach both sides of the town and back. Putting on a pair of pince-nez, he read it carefully. "Here we go… 'All pertaining citizens, denizens, and all-around inhabitants of the territory hereby referred to on the Official Map of the World (OMW) as 'Toad Town' must never, unless under extreme emergency status or otherwise indicated by the township's current lead representative, be it Mayor (or what have you), take up arms against fellow habituates or deface property (public, private, or otherwise) in extreme matters, including, but not limited to, Missile Launchers, Magnums, Bullet Bills, Airship Cannons, Shoop Da Whooping, Chargin' and/or Firin' yer Lazor, and/or Firing The Frikkin' Laser.'" Tom gave a sudden, long, sharp inhale. "Also, you're blowing things up and freezing people without a permit, which is in violation to some other section I am unable to locate at the moment, so it is my duty to bring you to justice in any way possible, by any and ALL means necessary."
Winter merely shrugged and spread his arms wide. "Very well, then. Do unto me as you will."
"Ah HA! You ready to submit?! PREPARE YOURSELF, NOOB!" Tom whipped out his 'beloved Luciel' and pulled the trigger. "EAT RUBBER-LEAD COMPOUND, VANILLA ICE!!!"
Winter simply (and yet gracefully) dodged every single bullet shot at him. When the gun was empty, he just smirked. "Are ye done?"
"Oooooh, you little…all right, YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!" Tom pulled out a walkie-talkie and screamed into it. "RELEASE THE DOVES!!!!!!!"
(Jordan: Ah, yes, the doves.
Jacob: Okay, Jordan. This is one of our inside jokes, so I think our audience deserves an explanation.
Jordan: Okay, then. Tom?
Tom: (Wrings hands evilly) Yes, YES!! None can withstand the might of the doves! Those who dare to rise up in defiance will be pelted with pastrami, as the doves spread their reach to the stars and beyond! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH--
Kaitlin: That doesn't explain anything.
Jordan: You're right…
Tom (Still laughing) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--)
Winter's vision was suddenly overtaken by white downy fluffiness. Apparently, Tom wasn't blowing a circuit board when he called upon the doves. His ears were ringing with the incessant screeching of those pillow-producing poultry.
"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!! FLY, MY MINIONS! FLY, AND CAUSE CHAOS AND HYSTERIA IN THE STREETS! BWAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!"
Winter merely blew once, and the doves dispersed. "Is that all?"
Tom hefted up a Gatling gun. "YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET!"
~ Jaron drew his sword. "What now?" He asked Kaitlin.
"We split up. If you see anyone, get them out of danger. If you find enemies, fight them if you want, but just concentrate on getting people to safety. Okay?"
Everyone nodded. In times like this, they could count on Kaitlin being the natural tactician to guide them. "Okay, we're clear. I'll go west. Max, James, you two go east. Jaron, go north, near the castle. See if Princess Peach is safe. Namine, Roxas, go somewhere safe and don't get in the way." Roxas looked as if he wanted to protest, but Kaitlin cut him off. "No arguments! I'll talk to you AFTER this is done. Keep Namine safe." She turned to her three companions. "If you guys run into Zane or the Mario Bros., try to see if they know the situation. If they need help, then help them. If they don't know what the heck's going on, inform them as much as possible in a small time if you find out what. Any questions?"
"Should I introduce myself?" Jaron asked. "I helped out Peach once before, a little while ago, but ran off before I could name myself. If I meet up with her again, should I tell her my name?"
"YES, you yutz! You freakin' introduce yourself to royalty! Especially Peach!" Kaitlin scolded. Suddenly, she smiled. "Just don't get yourself killed, you crazy kid."
They all set off.
~ The fight was not going in Zane's favor. He had just discovered that his opponent could control matter, which meant that he could inflict many types of pain with whatever he wanted. He now had one broken arm, three shattered ribs, an even bloodier nose, and several other hurts not yet diagnosed.
This guy fights like a friggin' demon! he thought. Who the hell is he?!
Autumn stood before him, holding a large mace. "Two minutes left, Shroomhead. I'll admit, you've lasted longer than most. Not that your lucky streak will last that much longer!" The mace vanished, to be replaced with a bloody chainsaw. "Any last words?"
Zane just spat at him. "Go to hell!"
Autumn actually smirked. "Too bad. I'm not going to hell." He held the chainsaw above his head. "YOU are!" He was just about to rush forward…
When a rock hit him on the back. "HEY!"
Autumn turned around to see Kaitlin standing there, cracking her knuckles. "A chainsaw? Really? A bit overkill, isn't it?" She looked over Autumn's shoulder at Zane. "Can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?"
Autumn looked at her for a minute, then dissipated the chainsaw. "Leave here, girl. This has nothing to do with you."
Kaitlin spat on the ground. "Go and boil your head, you sadist!"
Autumn raised an eyebrow. "…Fine, then. Have it your way." He cracked his neck again. "I'll give you and the Toad ten minutes. Beat me by then, which you won't, and I'll leave peacefully. When you DO lose…use your imagination."
Kaitlin shrugged. "Fine, but leave Zane out of it. He's too banged up."
Zane was leaning on the wall at this point, and he yelled out, "Are you insane?! Don't fight him! He'll kill you!"
"Don't worry about it!" Kaitlin said. "I've taken care of guys bigger and nastier than this guy. Might be hard, but I'll try."
Autumn snorted. "Big words, girl, but words won't help you. Say your prayers." Several rocks blasted out of the ground and covered his arm. "You won't leave this place alive!"
~ Princess had a gigantic telescope. Peering through it, she commented, "Autumn's engaged someone. Looks like that girl, whatshername."
Kavma shrugged. "Kaitlin, probably. I've specifically told Autumn not to kill her. She'll be fine." He paused. "Mostly."
~ "FIRE THE LASER!!!!!!!!"
A gigantic Independence Day-esque laser fell from the heavens to land on Winter with a KABLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!
"HA! HOW DID YA LIKE THAT?!"
The dust cleared to show Winter unharmed. "Is that it? You disgust me."
Tom groaned in annoyance. He had used every single weapon at his disposal, legal or otherwise, and nothing had worked. "You leave me no option…" He whipped out another walkie-talkie. "But to release a power mightier than that of Hell and Heaven combined!" He screamed into the talkie, "RELEASE THE SWANS!!!!"
(Jacob: OMG the swans are coming!!!! (Faints)
Rika: Is he okay?!
Jordan: Yeah, he's fine.
Tom: YES! THE SWANS CANNOT BE DEFEATED! BOW DOWN TO THE SWANS!!!! EEEEEEEEYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH--)
The swans were EVERYWHERE. It was terrifying. Tom was screaming with laughter as the chaos reigned. "FEAR THE MIGHTY POWER OF THE SWANS!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!"
That was when the swans got bored and fled en masse, showing that Winter was unharmed. "That was unnecessary."
Tom immediately got irate. "OH, FOR--CAN'T ANYTHING HURT YOU?!?!?!"
Winter sighed. "No." And with that, he blasted a gust of ice at Tom. It would've hit him if it weren't for James appearing out of nowhere to block it. Before Winter could react, he felt something like a wire wrapping itself around his neck as someone grabbed him from behind.
"GOTCHA!" Max is good at restraining people. Within moments, he made sure Winter couldn't move. "HIT HIM, JAMES!"
He needed no second bidding. James rushed forward and landed several punches on Winter, sending him upward with an uppercut. Max cracked his knuckles. "Wait for it, wait for it…"
As Winter came hurtling down, Max timed it perfectly and landed an Aura-laden punch to the foe, sending him flying several yards away in a heap. James gave him a thumbs-up. "You're getting better with that Aura of yours, Max. Keep it up!"
Winter slowly got up, brushing dust off his sleeve. "Nice shot, but that won't work on me." Winter fixed the two of them with a steely glare. "You shouldn't have interfered."
Max, not taking his eyes off Winter, said out of the corner of his mouth, "Tom, you may want to leave."
"But I--"
Max interrupted him with what could best be described as a sharp bark. Tom took the hint and fled. Both Max and James stared cooly at Winter. James spoke up first. "Who are you?"
Winter gazed his eyes upward. "Hmm…that is what I often wonder. Are we simple lost souls, or are we demons? I cannot say for sure. But I will say this…" He turned his head back to the two. "My brothers and sisters will not be deterred by ones such as you." He adjusted his gloves. "I will give you five minutes of my time, then I will depart. Unlike my brother and sisters, I prefer to avoid combat if possible, but I will do what is necessary." He took a step forward. "Doubt not the power of sorrow. You will sorely regret it."
~ "Winter's got the kid and the red guy," Princess observed.
"Max and James. I don't think Winter will kill them. That's not his style."
Suddenly, a white arrow tilted at an angle (resembling a mouse pointer) drew a box by dragging itself in a diagonal line. When it stopped, a 2-D image kept flipping in and out of view, until the being in the image flipped into existence. He looked like a jester, dressed in purple and black, with a comedy mask-like face. He looked slightly comical, yet there was something incredibly creepy about him.
Kavma apparently knew the person. "Ah, Dimentio! To what do I owe this unexpected visit?"
Dimentio airily waved a hand. "Oh, I just came to see how the chaos is going." He peered at the carnage below. "Looks marvelous! Ah, the Seasons are in action, eh? It's been long since they last--" He turned to see Summer on the balcony. "Oh, dearest Summer! Why do you not join your comrades? You are the leader of the Four Seasons. Your name is Superior Summer, is it not?"
Summer sniffed. "I have my reasons, jester."
Dimentio merely smiled (I think so, anyway) and turned to Kavma. "So, what is the reason for today?"
"Oh, nothing much. Just a day off. Is there something you require?"
"Oh, no, not at all."
"Hmm. Where is Marx, by the way? Isn't he with you?"
"Ah. He is…how should I say…busy with something." At that moment, he check a stopwatch from his pocket. "Oh, dear, I may be late. I must go now, but I may return later. Ciao!" He vanished.
After a few moments of silence, Kavma said, "I don't like him."
"Same here."
"Neither do I."
"He's rather unnerving, isn't he?"
"Too true."
"One of these days I'd like to grab his head and--"
~ Kaitlin leapt over Autumn as he attempted another go at her with a chainsaw. "That all?! Come on! I'm not even trying!" She aimed a kick at Autumn, only for him to grab her leg and fling her toward the wall. Hitting it feet first, she launched herself at him and struck him in the jaw, leaping over him again to land gracefully. Autumn rubbed his jaw. "You've got guts, kid. You've survived eight minutes. No one's done that before."
"You expect anything less?" Kaitlin asked. Autumn shrugged. "Whatever. I'll give you two more minutes. Say your prayers."
~ Max ducked as a shard of ice flew overhead. Pulling out a few bombs, he flung them at Winter, detonating them on contact. At the same time, James rushed forward, firing several Aura Spheres at the winged foe. Each one hit him, yet they didn't seem to hurt him. Grunting in frustration, he concentrated his aura in the form of a blade and sliced at Winter, missing. At the same time, Max threw his last bomb and resorted to attempting Aura Sphere. Problem was, he never could manage it properly and only succeeded burning his hands. Cursing, he flung a rock at Winter, missing again.
"Is that all?" The winged one called. "I'm not even trying!" He landed gracefully before him. "You must forgive me, but the five minutes are up. I bid you good day." And with that, he vanished before they could so much as protest.
"What was that all about?" Max asked.
~ Much to Jaron's annoyance, the gates into the castle were locked. "Come on! Open up! I'm not an enemy!" Kicking the door in frustration, he sighed. "Well, this is just great. How the heck am I gonna--what was that?" Jaron looked down the major road to the castle to see dust clouds erupting from afar. Squinting, Jaron could see a small army in classic, authentic 500 B.C. armor. From what Jaron could tell, they were all grown men, all hairy, all sweaty, and all three-hundred of them fueled by testosterone and adrenaline.
~ "THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" was the battle cry Kavma, Superior Summer, and Princess heard. Their reactions varied. Summer pinched the bridge of her nose in annoyance. Kavma actually smiled. The sum of Princess' thoughts could simply summed up as, "WTF?!" Princess then turned to Kavma. "You resurrected the ^$%*ing SPARTANS?!?"
"They are thoroughly amusing, so I put them in. Leonidas should do well with only 300 Spartans."
"…" Princess was not convinced.
"Besides, neither of you saw it coming."
"True…"
"You're right about that…"
~ Autumn cracked his neck for what seemed to be the millionth time. "I'm ending this right n--"
Before he could finish, he brought his hand up to his ear. "Yes?" he asked, acting as if he was talking on a phone. "What?! But--" He sighed. "Fine, I'm on my way." He glared at Zane and Kaitlin. "You two were lucky." He gazed at Kaitlin. "Next time we meet, we'll have a score to settle." And with that, he vanished.
~ Kavma leaned on the balcony's edge. "Five…four…"
Princess stared at him. "Why are you…?"
"Three…two…one…"
"Hey!"
Kavma didn't turn. "The Mario Bros., I presume?" He turned to face them. "Yet you're one short. I remember now. This world has three brothers, instead of the traditional two. But he's not here, is he? No matter."
Mario stared at Kavma, his brow furrowed. Luigi, on the other hand, was getting some seriously freaky vibes from this guy. Where's Clay when we need him? Luigi was panicking in his mind.
Kavma shook his head. "Your knees are shaking," he commented. "Afraid?"
Luigi's teeth were chattering too, but he denied it. "I-I'm not afraid of you! I don't even know who you are!"
"True enough," said Kavma, "but I don't see the need to tell you who I am." He checked his watch. "Darn, I'm going to be late. You must excuse me. Princess…" Said freaky lady looked at him. "When was the last time you killed something?"
"Far too long in my opinion," said she as she pulled a messy baseball bat out of nowhere. Kavma raised an eyebrow.
"Right. Well, have fun." With that, he vanished into thin air.
The woman named Princess looked at the heroic brothers with a menacing grin. "I actually get the chance to bludgeon the Mario Bros.!" She looked almost like a giddy, creepy schoolgirl. "This is gonna be so much fun!" She gave the brothers a 'come-get-some' hand gesture, then backflipped off the balcony. Mario and Luigi quickly followed suit.
~ Neither Kaitlin, Max, or James could believe their eyes. Kaitlin reacted first.
"WHAT THE !&(%&^(^&(^^&^(&^^(?! SPARTANS?!?! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY SPARTANS?!?!?!?"
"What's a Spartan?" Jaron asked.
"I don't know…" James said slowly.
"Neither do I…" Max said.
Kaitlin, Tom, and Crow gawked at them. "HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A SPARTAN IS?!?!?!?" Crow asked indignantly.
"Well, what are they?"
Tom and Crow were delighted to explain. "They're a bunch of hairy, sweaty warriors who hail from a distant land called Sparta, and the only motivators for them are testosterone, adrenaline, sweat, the will to kill, and dining in Hell, which is a rather expensive yet fancy restaurant in the South Bronx. Their Baby-back Ribs are delicious."
"Have you ever been there?"
"Yeah, but the maitre 'd was way too fussy."
Max gazed at the oncoming horde. "How many are there?"
"Legend has it that 300 Spartans defeated almost one million Persians… without casualties." said Crow. Everyone was astonished by this fact, and the fact Crow knew this. This was short-lived, however, as Crow continued. "That is, until one of them, some random prick named Dilios defected and told the Persians their strategy. It wasn't long after that that all three-hundred were slaughtered."
Max was dazed. Then, realization hit him like a forklift going 80 mph. "Wait, so we're going up against Spartan zombies?!"
Kaitlin quickly sized up the enemy, who was drawing closer with every moment. "No, I don't see rotting flesh on any of the 300 of them."
James did a quick head count. "Actually, there're 299. One's missing."
~ Kavma cursed silently. "I had a feeling I should have revived Dilios…"
~ Leonidas had one objective for today: conquering the castle so they could dine in Hell. He led his 299 soldiers down toward the oddly-pink-colored castle. Off in the distance, Leonidas could swear there was a young lad in front of it. Surely, this is not their best security? he thought.
As the horde approached, Jaron could practically see the sweat on their bodies--not a pleasant sight. I've never fought 300 Spartans before. Might be difficult. Or not. Might as well wait and see.
As if reading his mind, Kaitlin muttered, "We're gonna get slaughtered if we fight these guys. If anyone has any suggestions, I suggest they-- JARON!!!"
Before Kaitlin had finished, Jaron had rushed headlong toward the horde, blade drawn. Leaping into the air, he dove toward Leonidas, who had his own spear ready.
CLANG!!!!!
(Max: A sword hitting a spear doesn't go 'clang'.
Jordan: Then what noise DOES it make?
Lucas: A 'bonk', maybe?
Jacob: A 'thud?'
Rika: 'Plink?'
Crow: A quack, maybe.
Tom: Nay, kind ignoramus. It goes KABLAM!
Kaitlin: It goes 'thunk'.
Everyone: Ohhhhhhh…..)
Deflecting the blow, Leonidas swung the spear, hitting Jaron in the temple with the handle, knocking him over. While on the ground, Jaron kicked the legs out from beneath him and jumped to his feet, allowing Leonidas to do the same. The two of them stared at each other.
Leonidas allowed himself a grin. "You have spirit for one so young." He planted his spear into the ground. "What name do you go by?"
"Jaron Roxai."
"The First, young lad?"
Jaron stared at him, baffled. "The…what?"
"I see, so you are not of royal blood then… Alright, allow me to introduce myself. I am Leonidas the First, the King of Sparta."
"That's nice and all, but, the first what?"
"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING, JARON?!?!?!" they heard Kaitlin shriek.
Max turned to face her. "Jeeze, Kaitlin, calm down."
"How am I supposed to calm down?! Jaron attacks that guy, and then just stands there and talks like he's inviting him to a flippin' tea party! We're not in Wonderland, for heaven's sake!"
(Tom: You'd think they'd realize…
Jordan: Realize what?
Crow: You haven't either?
Kaitlin: What're you talking about?
Crow: You poor, simple fools.
Everyone else: ?????)
James shook his head and turned to Jaron and Leonidas, who had been talking to each other.
"We will not back down!" Leonidas shouted. "We will stand firm, and fight till the end!!!!"
"Are you kidding?! You can't just go ahead and try to take over an entire kingdom! This is insane!!!" Jaron yelled.
"Insane…?" Leonidas said quietly. He grabbed his spear and screamed in Jaron's face, "THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
He then proceeded to fling his spear at Jaron, but before it could reach him, a hammer flew out of seemingly nowhere and struck it, knocking it aside.
They all stared at the fallen spear, then they heard someone scream, "RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
James whipped around. "What the…?"
An entire horde of Koopas were pouring into the town, Magikoopas, Koopatrols, Hammer Bros, Paratroopas, what have you, and at the front was Bowser, claws out and ready for slaughter. Rushing ahead of his troops, he launched himself at Leonidas, roaring.
Only his fast reflexes saved Leonidas's life. Rolling out of the way, he grasped his spear and swung it at Bowser, who grabbed it and seethed, "NOBODY tries to conquer MY kingdom without MY permission, D'YOU HEAR ME?!?!"
The two of them struggled with the spear as the Koopas and Spartans met each other in battle, each giving no quarter. However, the Koopas had never had to face any large force, whereas the Spartans were seasoned warriors, experienced in the ways of war. It would've gone one way or another if for not one thing—
"RELEASE THE SWANS!!!!!!"
The swans struck before anyone knew what hit them. They were among the Spartans like missiles, pecking and looting without mercy. It was probably the strangest battle anyone had participated in.
Tom, on the other hand, was now drunk on the power of the swans. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! WRITHE IN AGONY, SPARTAN FOOLS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--"
(Kaitlin: Is he ever going to stop?
Jordan: As soon as I get him away from the swans, yes.
Jacob: Or until we find his 'off-switch.'
Jordan: Does he even have an off switch?
Rika: Of course he does, blockhead! All electronic devices, widgets, and doodads have them!
Jacob: Widgets…? Okay, that's it; no more spending lunch with Stuffwell.)
Max ducked as a swan, four spears and eleventyseven boomerangs zoomed overhead. "I wasn't expecting any of this!" he yelled.
James dodged a spear and punched a Spartan in the stomach. "I don't think anyone did!" he yelled back.
In the meantime, Jaron had a Spartan in a headlock. "Anyone have a plan?" he asked as he removed one of his victim's teeth with his fist.
Kaitlin punched a Spartan without even looking at the guy. "Sorry, I've got nothing. What about you guys?"
Before anyone else could say anything, they heard Kammy's voice shriek, "ALL TROOPS, FALL BACK TOWARD THE GATES! DON'T LET THEM INTO THE CASTLE! LORD BOWSER WISHES TO CONQUER IT FIRST!"
Max rolled his eyes as he slammed an unfortunate Spartan. "I figured that Bowser was helping us for a reason."
"Well, any reason is good enough for me! Everyone to the gates!" Jaron yelled.
~ The Koopas had managed to set up a barricade in front of the gates. As they sat down behind it, Jaron found Meriee tending to Zane's wounds. "What the heck happened to you?" he asked.
Zane winced as Meriee applied another bandage. "I don't want to talk about it, okay?"
Meriee applied another bandage to Zane's nose. "Zane, please don't do that again, okay? I was nearly scared to death! Thank goodness Kaitlin was there."
Zane was disgruntled. "Don't remind me…"
A loud cackle interrupted all further conversation. "Well, well, if it isn't the Karate Toad himself! By the shell of the great Koopa himself, what did you do, run into a giant blender?"
Of course it was Kammy, looking all high and mighty on her broom. Rather than get angry, however, Zane merely smirked and asked, "Well, how are ya, you shag rug-wearing hood ornament?"
"What- wha-wh-WH-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!"
Everyone chuckled. Max took this opportunity to ask, "D'you know what's going on?"
Kammy was still ticked. "WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING ON, YOU THUG?! SPARTANS ARE ATTACKING, ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?!"
"Spartans don't have rocket launchers, you old spinster." Zane retorted.
Before Kammy could shriek, Jaron interrupted. "I just realized something—has anyone seen Mario or Luigi?"
"I saw them go into the castle earlier," said Max. "They said they were going to check on Peach."
Jaron was running toward the gates before he even finished. Kaitlin sighed. "That boy never stops," said she as they (minus Zane, Meriee, and Kammy) ran after him.
A second later Kaitlin came back. "Kammy, can you do something useful and get these two to Merlon's house or somewhere safe?"
Kammy snorted. "Who do you think I am, girl? I don't do favors for the likes of you!"
She immediately withered as Kaitlin took a step forward. "Okay, let me rephrase that: get them somewhere safe, or ELSE!"
Kammy was off like a rocket, taking Zane and Meriee with them before they could so much as protest. Kaitlin shook her head. I don't like bullying, but if it gets her to cooperate… She shrugged and ran off to rejoin the others.
~ Tom and Crow had joined the battle, Tom wielding his beloved Luciel, Crow with a massive Scimitar he had pulled out of nowhere. Both were full of Clown Rage. "RAAAAAGH!!!! TASTE MY WRATH, SPARTANS, FOR NONE CAN STAND AGAINST SIR LANCE-CROW!" Crow shrieked, smacking another Spartan with the flat of his blade as he spoke.
Tom whipped out a remote. "BEHOLD! FIRE THE LASER!!!!!!"
Do we really need to say anything?
~ Bowser spewed forth a swathe of flame, only for Leonidas to deflect it with his shield. Tossing it aside, he launched himself at the Koopa King, both of them locking together in a Life-or-near-death struggle. Both argued as they fought.
"This is the MUSHROOM KINGDOM!"
"This is SPARTA!"
"THIS IS THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM!"
"THIS IS SPARTA!!"
"THIS! IS! THE! FREAKIN'! MUSHROOM KINGDOOOOOM!!!!!!!"
"THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAA!"
Leonidas kicked Bowser savagely, knocking him over. Any and all troops watching this became enraged, and fought against the Spartans with everything they had, and then some. Grabbing a spear, Leonidas attempted to drive the weapon into Bowser, only for the Koopa King to grab in with his teeth and snap it.
"THAT ALL YOU GOT?!" Bowser roared. The Koopa King then began to inhale. In the split-second that Bowser's mouth was open, the Spartan king could see an orange light coming from his throat. That could only mean one thing; he was about to become a barbeque. Thinking quickly, he raised his shield to defend himself from Bowser's hellfire breath.
Meanwhile, two Spartans carried a cask of water between them. "Aye, the beast looks mighty thirsty, doesn't he?" said one.
The other nodded. "Then let's give him something to drink!" With excellent timing, they both hurled the cask at Bowser's open maw, hitting it with perfect accuracy. Bowser began hacking madly, his gigantic lungs now flooded with liquid.
"WHOOCH—HACK—COUGH!!!!"
~ As soon as they four of them (Jaron, Kaitlin, Max and James) entered the castle courtyard, the gates slammed behind them. Kaitlin, Max, and James whirled around in surprise, but Jaron's attention was only on the person before him.
This person had his back on them, and was hurrying toward the castle. "Hey!"
He immediately halted. Jaron looked at him for a minute, sizing him up. "Who are you?"
Instead of speaking, the person turned to face them. He wore a gray coat with orange pants, holding a blaster in one hand. His head was covered in a large gray helmet. He was about Max's height. And yet…there was something about him…
"You know, it's not polite to ignore a question," said Kaitlin.
Ignoring her completely, the man drew the sword at his side and pointed it at them.
"Hey, hey, hey, we didn't mean to offend you or anything," Max said nervously, "we were just—"
The man rushed them before they could finish. Grabbing James by the ear, he flung him into Kaitlin while grabbing and flipping Jaron over. Before he could plunge his sword into Jaron's stomach, however, Max body slammed him. "What is your PROBLEM?!" he yelled.
He was interrupted as the man's blaster was shoved into his face. "Oh…"
BLAM!!!
~ POW! That was the sound of Bowser giving Leonidas the boot. "I'LL SHOW YOU SPARTA!!! YOU WANNA DINE IN HELL?!?!?! FINE! THEN DINE IN HELL!!!"
Staggering upright, Leonidas launched himself at Bowser, grabbing him by the shell and attempted to tear it off. "BURN, FOUL UNRULY BEAST!!!!!"
He was quickly interrupted by a paintbrush to the face. "YOU LEAVE MY PAPA ALONE, YOU BIG, HAIRY BUMPKIN!!!!!!" Bowser Jr. shrieked.
Dodging the brush, Leonidas grabbed a spear. "Assisted by your spawn, eh, beast? I will cut you both down!"
He lifted the spear, only for a swan to steal it. Bowser smirked. "Awww, did the big bad swan swipe your precious spear? TOO BAD!"
~ Max ducked as the sword was swung at his head. It made a loud CLANG as it hit Jaron's blade. At the same time, Kaitlin kicked the man in the neck as James slammed him with both paws. Acting like the Pokémon's attack never transpired, this masked assailant waved his free hand over his sword, somehow causing it to charge with electricity. He then sent a shockwave toward James, shocking him on contact. Turning to Kaitlin as his blaster charged, only for her to duck and slam him in the stomach. Not wasting a second, he grabbed her and lifted her above his head, flinging her away. He was just about to swing another wave of electricity at her when he was slugged in the face by an Aura-coated fist. Max brought up another fist and punched him again, this time grabbing him so he could toss him to the ground. Charging up some more Aura, he attempted to punch him again, only for the masked one to roll over, causing him to miss entirely. Getting back up, he pointed his blaster at him, only for Jaron to slice it in half. His adversary turned to him, irritation showing on what could be seen of his features, as he swung his own sword. Jaron deflected it, shouting, "We haven't done anything to you! Why are you attacking us?!"
Rather than answer, his opponent merely kicked him, sending him sprawling as he turned to the other three. As Max helped Kaitlin up, James stood in front of them, ready to use Protect when needed. Faster than anyone could blink, the masked one sped right past him, raising his blade for the kill.
Faster than anyone could THINK, Jaron was right in front of him, grabbing him by the arm and swinging back his fist. And without further ado, he slugged him right in the face with such force that the helmet cracked.
~ There was scorched and disturbed earth everywhere near Leonidas and the two royal Koopas. All three were wheezing with exhaustion. Leonidus was soon surrounded and flanked by his 299 troops. One of them offered a small cask of water, which their king drank heavily. "What will we do, Sire?" the generous soldier asked.
"Men, legend has it that we Spartans are descended from Hercules, never backing down, never retreating, fighting until our last breath. We shall not break our heritage because of these monstrosities!" The Spartan king gave a hefty war cry, with his soldiers following suit.
Bowser was getting slightly worried, but he has a plan. Perhaps he could use reverse psychology to get them to surrender… "Hey, lemme give you a chance to live, ya hairy flesh wads!" The Spartans looked toward the Koopa king. "Yeah, I'll let you live… IF, that is, you drop your weapons."
"You want our weapons?!" The Spartan king roared. Suddenly, he and all his men raised their shields in unison, perpendicular to the ground. It was a phalanx formation. "Then COME AND GET THEM!!!!"
(Jordan: Okay, now I sorely regret adding the Spartans.
Kaitlin: I did tell you so.
Jacob: We ALL told you so!
Tom: It matters NOT! ALL WILL BOW DOWN TO THE ALMIGHTY POWER OF THE SWANS!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH-
Max: There has to be a way to get him to stop…)
~ The masked man staggered back, his helmet beginning to break. Jaron grabbed his sword, ready to attack if he recovered. Eventually the helmet broke apart completely as the masked guy covered his face with his hands.
"Had enough?!" Jaron demanded.
No response. Then the masked man put his hands down and looked at them.
He wasn't all that scary, that I'll tell you. He actually looked slightly (SLIGHTLY) innocent, with brown hair done in a cowlick.
Jaron dropped his sword with an indecent clang. Kaitlin could see that his hands were shaking. Nothing was heard for a few moments, then Jaron spoke.
"Are you the…?"
The guy in front of him stared at him, frowning.
"No…you're not him…you're different…but…you look like…"
"HEY! Jaron-von-LOSER!!!"
THAT certainly came out of nowhere. They all looked around, looking for the source of the gruff voice. "UP HERE!" They looked up, then had to do a double-take to make sure of what they were seeing.
Standing on the castle wall, wearing black clothing and a beret (complete with feather), was, without a doubt, Jaron Roxai.
Someone who LOOKED like him, anyway.
"Time's up for you, Mask. It's my turn to take care of it," he yelled in a gruff sounding voice.
James looked from Jaron to the look-alike, baffled. "What the—TWO Jarons?! How is that possible?!"
"Anti-people, that's how." Said Jaron's doppelganger. Kaitlin looked taken aback, but before anything else could be said, the maskless guy leapt up to the doppelganger on the walltop. The look-alike gave him one glance and smirked. "Oh, did they break your mask? That's bad, dude, reeaaaaal bad." The other guy gave him a single glare and left.
"Hey!" Jaron took one step forward. The doppelganger, however, merely jumped down to them.
"My show now, kid."
~ Crow was busy carrying Tom out of the wreckage of what used to be a building. Apparently, Tom forgot that birds like shiny things. "How DARE the swans treat me like riches! I'm not a BROOCH, for God's sakes!"
"Well, dude, they thought you were, and to them, that's all that mattered. Just suck it up and let's get you to a repair shop. That arm ain't lookin' too good." Indeed, the spring composing Tom's right arm was still in one piece, but badly twisted and mangled.
Tom spewed out a steady stream of complaints as he was carried off. "Just look! It was my best arm, and now those damned birds had to go and ruin it! The nerve of it all! How dare they! Wha—AGH! They're attacking again! Begone, white spawn of Satan! BEGONE, I SAY!"
~ Jaron and his friends had their hands on any weapons they had as they looked at the Jaron look-alike. "Who are you?" Jaron asked.
"I'm you, kid."
"???"
"Jaron… I'm your Anti, you dumbass." Jaron actually winced. "Aw, you don't like hearing curses from your own mouth? Suck it up, you sissy."
Jaron had rarely encountered anyone so mean before. The fact that the guy looked like him made it worse. "What's an Anti?"
"It's a person's opposite," Kaitlin said slowly. They looked at him in surprise. "I don't really know all that much about them myself. I think they might be like anyone else…except that they're the total opposite of a person. That's what I think, anyway."
Anti-Jaron snorted. "Not completely right, but whatever, !$&."
"Oh… no… you… DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kaitlin looked livid. Anti-Jaron smirked.
"Oh, I did. You don't like it? Too damn bad!"
Jaron was staring at his Anti, a strange look on his face. "Kaitlin was right…you are my opposite. I don't act like that." Then he shrugged. "But I don't think you're my Anti."
"Man, you ARE a dumbass aren't you?! Thank God I'm your opposite, or I'd have turned as dumb as a sack of hammers!" Anti-Jaron taunted as the furious female launched her fruitless assault on him.
Just before Kaitlin could hit him, however, he suddenly vanished and reappeared behind her. "Too slow. Heck, molasses could move faster than you!" He looked down at her awkward position of lying face-down in the dirt, her back at an odd angle toward the sky. Anti-Jaron wolf-whistled. "Nice view."
SLAM!!!!!! He never saw it coming. Jaron punched him so hard that he went flying several yards away, landing with a WUMF!
Jaron looked livid. "That was uncalled for!!!" He yelled. "Now I KNOW you aren't my Anti!"
Anti Jaron got up, doing his best to stem a nosebleed. "What the hell are you going on about?!" he yelled back. "Do you know how stupid you sound right now?! I mean, hell, you probably don't even know where BABIES come from!"
Jaron drew his sword. "I've never met my anti…but I do know he wouldn't be a pervert!"
Anti-Jaron stared at him dumbly. "Oh, Christ…I can't BELIEVE I'm related to you… Again, I'm thankful for the intelligence that being your opposite gave me."
"Are you saying I'm stupid?!"
"You JUST NOW realized?!"
"I can't believe you're so horrible!"
"I can't believe you're so stupid!"
Max had seen weird things before, but watching Jaron argue with what appeared to be himself took the cake. "Bizarre."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I wish I had a camera," James commented.
"I know!" Max continued. "I mean, how often do you see a person literally beside themselves with anger?"
Kaitlin stared at them. "…I will never get you two."
Anti-Jaron's shriek cut her off. "ENOUGH!" He looked livid. "I've had enough of this! I have a job to do!" He drew a blade completely different from Jaron's. "Okay, dumbass, say your prayers."
Jaron looked taken aback. "What?! What d'you mean by that?"
Anti-Jaron looked exasperated. "You really ARE a dumbass. My job is to deal with you, here and now, along with your little friends, whether you like it or not, savvy?"
Jaron was horrified. "Deal with—why?!"
"Why the hell should I tell you?! Now, if you beg, I MIGHT make it painless!"
Kaitlin, Max, and James looked as if to rush forward, but then Jaron made a motion for them to stop. "Let me handle this! He's mine!"
"Fine then, NANCY-BOY!!!" Anti-Jaron rushed forward. "I'd like it better that way, anyway!"
CLANG!!!!!!!!!! Steel slammed against steel as they met in the middle of the courtyard, their faces close to each other as Anti-Jaron seethed, "I'll make you scream loudly before killing you, dumbass!"
"Stop calling me that!" With a flick of his sword, Jaron knocked his opponent's sword away, kicking him away as he did so. He gestured to the sword next to his Anti. "Pick it up and have a proper try!"
The Anti did so, screaming as he lunged, "NOBODY DISSES ME!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!"
Rather than slicing again, he instead stabbed, aiming directly at Jaron's heart. Imagine his surprise when Jaron jumped over him! As the Anti stumbled, Jaron kicked him in the back, knocking him over. Snarling, Anti-Jaron got back up, reaching for his sword, only for Jaron to rain several blows on him. POW! BIF!! SMACK!!! With a final uppercut, Jaron sent him flying.
Landing on his feet, Anti-Jaron tsked and held his hand out, which immediately began glowing red. He lunged forward, laughing. "DIE!"
Rather than run, Jaron met it head-on, grabbing the red hand with his own, ignoring the smoke coming from it. Anti-Jaron stared at him in astonishment. "I knew you were stupid, but not THIS stupid!"
Rather than answer, Jaron punched him in the face, sending him sprawling as he wrung his hand, which was still smoking. "Jeeze, what is with you?" he asked.
"I'm your Anti, remember? Not only are you stupid, but you have Alzheimer's, too?!"
"I don't even know what that is!"
"SHADDAP!!"
~ The battle against the Spartans had become ridiculous. Bowser and Leonidas had both grabbed opposite ends of a spear, and now they were in some weird tug-of-war with the Spartans pulling Leonidas back and the Koopas doing the same with Bowser.
"GIMME THE SPEAR!!!"
"TEAR IT FROM MY DEAD HANDS, DRAGON!"
"DON'T INSULT MY PAPA, YOU MEANIE!"
"SILENCE, SPAWN OF EVIL!!!"
"Oooh! Did you hear what he called me, papa?"
"Never mind him, Jr., sticks and stones can't break your bones!"
"Actually, they can, Sire—"
"SHADDAP, KAMMY!!!"
Rather than join in, Kamek had decided to stay on the sidelines and 'cheer' the Koopas on. "Pull! Pull! Bend your backs and curse your mothers! Pull, I say! Lend you strength to the king! PULL!"
"IF YOU WANT US TO PULL SO BAD, THEN GET IN LINE AND HELP, YOU OLD FOOL!"
"How dare you, Kammy Koopa! I'm trying to motivate the troops, and this is the thanks I get?!"
"I'LL MOTIVATE YOU, YOU BLASTED LITTLE—"
"SHUT UP AND PULL, BOTH OF YOU!!"
Unnerved, Kamek hurried to do his king's bidding.
~ Jaron ducked as Anti-Jaron swung a right. "You're too slow!!"
"NOW I know why you want to meet Sonic; you're both ANNOYING AS HELL!!!!"
Jaron stopped as he raised his sword. "How did you know I want to meet Sonic?"
"You can blame my boss for that bit of info. As for who he is," Anti-Jaron raised his weapon overhand, behind his back. "NOT TELLIN'!" With that he jumped forward.
Jaron avoided the swing. "You know, I noticed another difference between the two of us…you focus too much on brute strength than anything else. You don't focus enough."
"And?!"
"I'm just saying that if you really were my Anti, you'd be a bit more like me, that's all. I mean, I focus on speed more than anything, but not exclusively." He illustrated this by speeding behind Anti-Jaron and tapping him on the back of his head. "See what I mean?"
Robbed of his dignity for a moment, Anti-Jaron turned and swung his sword, locking blades with Jaron. "Speed is opposite to power; YOU are opposite of ME! That's what being an Anti is, moron!" he seethed. Having said that, he gathered red electricity into his left hand. "Again, I thank my intelligence for being opposite to you."
"That's the fourth time you've said--"
"ENOUGH OF YOUR BULL&*%^!!!!"
BAM!!!!!!!
Jaron was, and I say quite literally, sent flying. At least until the wall of the courtyard halted his 'flight'. He slid like a wet sponge into a bush at the base of the wall.
Anti-Jaron tsked. "Hoped he didn't damage the wall—ACK!"
The reason for the 'ack' was the result of Max slugging the Anti in the face. Staggering back a bit, Anti-Jaron saw Max, James and Kaitlin standing before him, looking as if they would tear him apart.
~ Why would anyone fight over a single spear? Just asking.
"It's MINE!!"
"UNHAND IT, YOU BEAST!!!"
"I HAD IT FIRST!" "NO YOU DID NOT!!!"
"YES I DID, YOU IDIOT, NOW LET GO BEFORE I—" SNAP! That was the sound of the spear breaking in half. The two of them stared at the pieces in their hands, then…
"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!!"
"THIS WAS MY SPEAR TO BEGIN WITH, MONGREL!"
It was at this point that the two generals of this battle, Bowser and Leonidas, began slugging each other anew, with their respective armies fighting the same way.
(Jacob: One could say this is—
Jordan: DON'T say it!
Jacob: What? All I was going to say is that this is a full-out—
Rika: Come on, PLEASE don't say it! You've played that Wii game enough!
(Awkward Silence)
Jacob: BRAWL!!!!)
~ Anti-Jaron snorted. "Oh, well isn't this fair! Three on one? Come on, just 'cause I took out that dumbass doesn't mean—"
"Owww…" Almost at once, everyone present turned simultaneously at the noise. What they saw was Jaron coming out of the bush at the base of the wall. He wasn't exactly the same, however… "Ugh…you didn't have to hit me so hard!" he complained as he rubbed his forehead. THAT was when he noticed. "Wha—I'm a hedgehog again?! Of all the times it had to happen, it had to be now…" Anti-Jaron was completely motionless, with shock written over his face. "Hey, what's wrong?" Jaron asked. "What's with the horrified look?"
"WHAT THE *$&%?!?!?" Needless to say, Anti-Jaron was taken aback. "HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?! NOBODY TOLD ME YOU COULD DO THAT!!!!!"
Jaron was baffled. "Why are you so shocked? I thought you knew! You're supposed to be my Anti, aren't you?"
"Jaron, that's not how it works…" Kaitlin sweatdropped.
Anti-Jaron snapped. Spinning toward Kaitlin, he swung his sword, screaming, "SHUT THE $! UP!!!"
CLANG!!!
Jaron had thrown himself in front of Kaitlin, not wanting her to be sliced in half. What happened AFTER that was unexpected.
Rather than slice through Jaron's spine-covered arms, Anti-Jaron's sword instead clanged against his spines like they were made of steel. Anti-Jaron jumped back, his entire body vibrating comically.
(James: You have to admit, that IS comical.
Kaitlin: I agree with you on that.
Jordan: Sort of like 'Looney Tunes'.
Jacob: Except, in this case, it's WAY MORE EPIC!!
Lucas: I don't think so—
Tom: NOTHING IS MORE EPIC THAN THE SWANS!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—
Jordan: Okay, that is IT! SERVO, GET OVER HERE NOW BEFORE I--)
~ After fixing Tom's arm up, he and Crow had 'acquired' a moped and were now speeding through Toad Town—though they weren't exactly 'following the road'.
"We will not be defeated!" Tom shrieked as he drove (he wasn't looking where he was going). "We need to think of a strategy—"
"Clothesline!" Crow shrieked. Before he could drive out of the way, they both ran into someone's clothesline. Shaking off the offending articles (Tom stole the underwear), they attempted to redirect their course. "Okay, that was accidental," said Tom, "But at least we don't have to—"
"Billboard!" Too late. CLANG!!!! They were both disoriented by the impact, but they shook it off. "That WASN'T my fault—"
"GOOSE!!!!!"
"QUACK!!!"
As they tangled with the goose, they both drove over the wall, landing in the courtyard. Flinging the offending poultry away, Tom whipped out a remote.
"FEAR ME, YOU EVIL FOOL!" Tom screamed. "FIRE THE LASER!!!!"
The castle was disintegrated with an Independence Day-esque laser with a terrific KABLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~ Tom closed the laptop with a snap. "And that is what would happen if we drove a moped to the castle and attempted to fire a laser at the enemy, only to hit the castle itself."
"Why would you have this scenario video on this laptop anyway?" Crow asked.
"DO NOT QUESTION THE LEADER OF THE SWANS!!!! AHA—"
~ "YEOWCH!" Jaron was knocked back as Anti-Jaron's sword found its mark. Turning toward the others, the Anti attempted a stab at Kaitlin, only for James to deflect it. This was followed up by Max and Kaitlin punching Anti-Jaron in the stomach—simultaneously. "OOOOOF!!!"
Jaron picked himself up, grumbling. "It's so awkward when I'm like this…" Trying to steady himself, he gripped his shoulder, only to pull out several spines. "Ah!" He attempted to put these back (I've no idea how he would do this), only to find that the missing spines had grown back. "What the…" He pulled out a single spine, and saw that another one had grown back in place. "Huh…" He glanced at the spine in his hand, then at Anti-Jaron.
Said Anti had grabbed Max by the throat. "I am going to kill you STONE DEAD—OW!" Dropping Max, he grabbed at the back of his head and pulled out what appeared to be a green needle. "What the hell…?"
"OI!" Turning, Anti-Jaron was treated to the sight of a spine flying toward his face—and sinking into his nose. "EEEEEEEYOUCH!!!"
Jaron grinned. "Bulls-eye!"
"AGH-AGH-AGH!!!!!" The four of them watched as Anti-Jaron leapt around, clutching at his bleeding nose. After several seconds of this, he stopped and (painfully I might add) ripped out the spine. His nose bleeding, he glared at them, the needle in his clenched fist. "You. Are. So. DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
With that, he rushed toward them, his sword forgotten as he fully intended to rip each and every one of them apart—limb from limb.
(Jordan: He's screwed.
Lucas: That's…kinda right, actually.
Jacob: I hope someone else conveniently comes along and helps… sorta.)
He hadn't gone seven paces when James charged, slamming into the Anti with extreme force. Completely winded, Anti-Jaron wasn't given any time to recover as he saw Max rush toward him, spinning a Poke Ball on a string like a yo-yo. WHAM!!!
That left a bruise. Snarling, Anti Jaron grabbed Max by the wrist. "You are SO DEAD, you—"
He was immediately interrupted by Kaitlin kicking him square in the chest, knocking him over. Practically foaming at the mouth, he leapt up only to see Jaron's fist flying toward his face.
CRACK!!!
That sounded like it hurt. Anti-Jaron grabbed his face, letting out a scream of pain. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!! MY FACE! YOU BASTARD!!!!"
It was clear that he had totally lost it. (As if that hadn't been obvious…)
Ignoring everything else, he lunged at Jaron, blood flowing from his face like a scarlet ribbon.
FLASH!
Jaron was now behind Anti-Jaron, his sword held in his left hand. The two of them stood completely still. Total silence.
Suddenly, Anti-Jaron fell to the ground. Jaron got up, dropped his sword and ran toward him. Kneeling next to him, he saw that the Anti was shaking.
"W…why?" he whispered. "I…I don't understand…he told me…I would win…why? Why? Wh…what are you…?"
"Shhh…don't say anything," said Jaron. "I'll get you some help…just—"
"Get away from me," the anti said harshly. "I don't want your help."
"But you need it!"
"Just…shut up. Forget it. I'm…beyond help." "Don't say that!"
"It's true, though.
Ignoring him completely, Jaron turned to Max and James. "I need some medicine, guys!"
Max rummaged through his pockets. "Darn, I just have some energypowder. That won't do any good…"
Jaron turned to the Anti. "It's better than nothing!" As he applied the medicine, he had to ask. "Why did you attack us, anyway?"
Anti-Jaron coughed. "That's…not really your business…but…I'll tell you…it was…supposed to be a diversion…but…the masked guy…he didn't get the—"
"JARON, MOVE!!!"
Jaron was still full of adrenaline from his fight, and his reflexes were still sharp, so he just barely managed to avoid a blast of destructive wind. I'd like to add that he collided with Kaitlin as he did this.
"OW! Jaron!"
"Sorry!"
As they picked themselves up, they saw the dust clear to see a pretty strange sight.
A beautiful woman, wearing green, was standing over Anti-Jaron with one of her feet resting on his head.
"Poor little puppet," she said softly. "You had a task to perform…and failed spectacularly at that. His Lordship is quite disappointed in you, little pseudo-Anti. That's why he asked me to tell you a little secret."
"Please…" Anti-Jaron whimpered. "Please…don't hurt me…"
"Don't hurt you?" The strange woman gave a soft laugh. "Oh, I'm afraid that's out of the question, little boy. Before you leave, however, I have a secret to tell you…" She leaned down to the anti's face.
"The hedgehog was right, you know; you aren't his Anti."
And with that, she lifted her foot and crushed the Anti's skull to a pulp before the others could do anything.
Total silence reigned supreme. Total shock was written all over everyone else's faces at the sight of such a brutal murder. It was broken by the woman laughing.
"Life…it's just so damn FUNNY!"
Jaron took a step back. "Wha—"
The woman started to rise into the air, laughing all the way. "All of it! It's just so freaking hysterical! And yet…" She paused. "Death is…so cleansing to the soul, isn't it? Don't you agree with me, children?"
That's when Jaron overcame his shock. "Wh-what?! You killed him! How could you?!?!?! What did he ever do to you?!"
The lady sniffed. "He failed, that's what. And in this world, failure is unacceptable. His Lordship has a Zero-Tolerance Policy when it comes to not accomplishing a task."
"That's still no reason to kill him!" Kaitlin yelled.
"So? I was not told that I couldn't kill him, was I?"
"So what?!" Max shouted. "How can you be so cold-hearted?!"
Another sniff. "You are wasting my time." She turned to leave…
And stopped at what James said.
"You'd probably have the guts to take out someone out of it, but I bet you wouldn't have the guts to fight someone at full strength!"
She seemed to contemplate this for a minute, then turned. "I would like to say that you are wrong at that. However, if I were to prove it, you would find that I would not hold back."
Jaron gripped his sword. "So what? We're not letting you get away with this!"
"Is that a challenge?"
Jaron turned to his friends. They all nodded without hesitation. "You bet! Bring it!"
(Everyone except Jordan is horrified)
Jordan: (Cleans glasses) Well, that's our longest chapter yet. 26 pages on Microsoft Works Word Processor.
(Everyone else is still silent)
Jordan: Well…Just to let everyone know, Jacob and I know practically nothing about Antis, so forgive us if we're incorrect on anything regarding that subject. And before you ask—yes, I know that the names for those Season guys are kinda lame, but I couldn't think of anything else appropriate. As for the Spartans, that was purely random and for amusement only.
(No response)
Jordan: For those who wonder, the fight between the Mario Bros. and Princess will be seen next chapter, along with the rest of Jaron's fight and the whole Spartans vs. Koopas thing. For anyone with questions, we'll answer them.
Jacob: Seriously… we killed off a character…
Rika: And in the chapter we introduced him in, too…
Jordan: Don't worry about it. (Everyone gives him an angry look) You'll have to excuse me…
