Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!
And the very first paragraph is a slightly modified quote by Mary Alice Young that I stole from Desperate Housewives.
I, unfortunately, could not find a canon name for Shizuo's parents, so, against my will, they will have to be minor OCs.
Suggested Song: A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope
The world is filled with good fathers, but how do we recognize them? They are the ones who love us long before we even arrive. They are the ones who are missed so terribly that everything falls apart in their absence. They are the ones who come looking for us when we can't find our way home. Yes, the world is filled with good fathers and the best are the ones who make the women in their lives feel like good mothers.
For Heiwajima Yukito, he can recall every moment in his sons' lives that could define him as a good father. The moment his lovely wife announced that they would be having a second child, he remembered fondly rubbing her stomach and feeling elated joy swell up in his heart for the new coming addition into their small family. When he had to leave for a business trip, he could remember his sons clinging to his legs, begging him not to leave, and his wife trying to pry them off of him so he would not miss his flight. The chaos that ensued after he had left is something his wife has put in the very back of her mind and tried to wipe clean from her memories, but he remembers the war between his wife and children had ended the moment he stepped back into their warm house and announced, "I'm home." When little Kasuka had gotten lost, little Shizuo decided that as the eldest, it would be his job to bring him back, and after an hour of waiting, his wife sent Yukito out to go locate those little rascals and he returned with a smile on his face, holding his sons' chubby little hands in his own. Yes, Heiwajima Yukito was a good father, but the most important moment by far that defined him as a good father was embracing his wife, Heiwajima Hirai, as she sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder when she realized that there was nothing she could do for her beloved Shizuo and that she could no longer protect him. It was a long night for Yukito and he assuringly whispered the words he knew Hirai needed to hear into her hair and held onto her tightly until she cried herself to sleep.
Shizuo found himself restless that same night, overhearing his father's muffled whispers and his mother's weak sobs. He stayed up, listening to them and wondering if it had been a mistake to come home. He was a freeloader, a nuisance, and a burden, first to Kasuka, and now to his parents. Shizuo hated weighing others down with his problems and wondered where he could go to disappear and stop causing such pain in everybody's lives.
"Am I burdening you?" Shizuo asked his parents bluntly the next morning over breakfast. His mother froze in mid-bite of her tamagoyaki and his father nearly spewed out his green tea. He could see his mother was at near-tears and decided to take it back. "Don't answer that. I didn't mean it," he said quickly, wishing he could destroy his hurtful words.
Yukito glanced to his wife, unsure how to answer such a question, but when he could see that she was on the verge of having another emotional breakdown, he cleared his throat and smiled. "Don't be silly, Shizuo-kun. You will never be a burden to us. You've already lived with us for the first eighteen years of your life. What's a few more?"
Staving off her tears, Hirai nodded and affectionately reached over to pet Shizuo's hair. "Your natural roots are coming in. Such a pretty color. Why don't you come to town with me today and we can dye your hair back to its original color?" She pushed back his blond bangs and smiled as she looked into his eyes. "You should probably get a haircut, too. I don't understand why you and Kasuka-kun like to have such long hair."
He blinked in surprise, not realizing that his brown roots were starting to show, or was it rather that he didn't care anymore? "Sure," he responded, reaching up to take his mother's small hand into his own and forced himself to meet her eye and offer an equally sunny smile. He wondered what thoughts and feelings she had kept bottled up behind her summery exterior and what concerns his father had hidden behind his own relaxed stance.
Shizuo didn't dare to make a sound after letting go of his mother's hand and looking away shamefully. He seemed to have lost his appetite and tried to excuse himself, but Yukito would have none of it. "You need to eat to get better," he reminded as he prepared to leave for work. Shizuo watched as his mother stopped her husband before he could leave to straighten his tie and give him his packed lunch. If he was honest with himself, Shizuo had kind of hoped that he would be married and would have settled into a peaceful life. Instead, life decided to be cruel and throw a terminal illness into his face.
"Shizuo-kun, hurry and eat up," Hirai rebuked gently. "I have plenty of errands to run today, and I'd like you to come with me. You could use the fresh air and exercise!" Despite whatever excuse she gave, Shizuo knew that she was only trying to spend as much time as she could with him before he left her for good.
Shizuo shoveled the rest of the food on his plate down his throat and forced his stomach to cooperate with him and keep it all down. He grabbed sweatshirt jacket off the coat rack and followed his mother out. She let out a exasperated sigh and zipped up his jacket before continuing on. He wondered when he had reverted back to childhood and if she realized that she was coddling him. His mother left him at the hair salon with her trusted friend and told him that she'd be back to pick him up later and to call if anything happened. Lucky for Shizuo, her friend was kind enough to hold back on the small talk and helped him get his hair back to its natural state.
She finished much earlier than he had expected and when she presented him with a mirror, it took him a few moments to realize that the thing in the mirror with pale skin and sunken eyes was really him. Shizuo stared at his reflection in awe, still surprised of what he had turned into. How had he not noticed how fast he was deteriorating, or was it that he didn't care anymore? Reaching up, he gingerly fingered a lock of his hair, grimacing at how rough it felt. Maybe it was just the hair products that made it feel weird, but he knew that the chemicals wouldn't have made his hair look dead and take away its ability to catch the light and make it dance in his locks. Shizuo scoffed, realizing that he was acting like a total girl about trivial things like his hair and forced himself to look away from the stranger in his reflection. Seeing as he was finished early, he decided he would be a good boy and wait for his mother to return instead of explore.
However, it seemed that he couldn't ever catch a lucky break, since Izaya must have been running errands as well. The flea frowned at the sight of Shizuo sitting on the curb outside the hair salon and couldn't help but to laugh as he approached him. "What on earth did you do to your hair?" Izaya asked, surprised by Shizuo's new look. He still had the lingering smell of hair products on him which meant that he must have just done it earlier.
Shizuo glared at him, choosing to avoid the question and instead snap, "What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be busy ruining lives in Ikebukuro?"
"Funny," Izaya answered mirthlessly. "I was actually thinking about expanding my business. Where better to start than the countryside?"
"Screw you," Shizuo hissed, pulling away from the flea. "Why are you doing this?"
"I'm trying to make things right between you and me. How many times do I have to tell you to get it through your protozoan brain?" Izaya snapped, already tired of the repetitive exchange of words between them. "And now's the part where you'd ask 'why' and I'd reply with 'Because you're dying and I've seen the error of my ways and blah blah blah.' Are we good to move on now?"
"Why won't you take 'no' for an answer then?" Shizuo asked. "Why do you have to be so persistent?"
"I think you've asked that before, too, but it's because I'm not giving up on you," Izaya answered. "Because I know you're the world's most stupid person in the world, and I won't let your stubbornness outstrip mine in its tenacity. I'm not letting you go. Seeing as we have arrived at a stalemate, why don't we just call it a truce and move on? We can skip the drama and get to the good part."
"The good part?" Shizuo echoed incredulously. "I think you're the one with the problem of getting ideas through your protozoan brain!"
"Nice, you can't even come up with your own insults; you have to regurgitate my own," Izaya replied, ignoring his snarky comment. "Shizu-chan, how many times do I have to tell you? I truly am sincere about what I had said. Would I have followed you here otherwise? And don't you dare say that I would do anything just to torture you." Shizuo closed his mouth, biting back the remark and slightly disturbed that Izaya could read his mind so easily. The informant shook his head, and continued on, "Forgive me, Otonashi-chan. I'm still Nakura. Everything I said was real. Everything between us was real. I know that forgiving me won't change the past or anything I've done to you, but it will at least give me a second chance and change our future."
Shizuo frowned, eyeing him with scrutiny as he tried to figure out his ulterior motive. However, before he could even reject him, a soft feminine voice made him wince. "Shizuo-kun? Who's this?" his mother asked softly as she joined her son and his friend.
To Izaya, Heiwajima Hirai was the epitome of humanity. She was fragile, emotional and easily manipulative. He wondered if Shizuo had inherited his emotional tangents from her in the first place. She had a warm smile as she affectionately coddled her son and Izaya realized that above all her other human flaws, the housewife loved Shizuo unconditionally and cared. Shizuo really was a mama's boy and Izaya couldn't help but to laugh.
"You should leave, Izaya," Shizuo muttered, putting himself between the informant and his mother as if he were a buffering shield.
"Shizuo-kun, don't be rude," she chided softly. "He is your friend, isn't he? He can join our family for dinner if he'd like. We haven't had guests since Kasuka-kun left for work."
Izaya frowned as the realization that Shizuo and Kasuka must have kept their parents in the dark over the events that occurred in Ikebukuro. It was this concept that caused Izaya to realize that he and Shizuo were more alike than he could have ever imagined. He had kept his own parents, Orihara Shirou and Kyouko, in the dark over his shady affairs and they must have lived in ignorant bliss thinking that his sisters were perfect angels. The only difference between them was that Shizuo and Kasuka were sincerely protecting their parents while Izaya, Mairu and Kururi just wanted to keep them out.
He paused, realizing that both Shizuo and his mother were looking at him expectantly, waiting for an answer and he squeezed out a meek, "Thank you, Heiwajima-san, I would be honored to join your family for dinner," and then offered to carry her groceries for her, seeing as Shizuo was incapacitated to do so.
"What's this, Shizu-chan? No biting remarks of protest?" he asked when he was sure Hirai is out of earshot.
"Shut up," Shizuo answered, refusing to answer. He knows that Izaya knows the answer, and it's only for his entertainment that he's trying to get Shizuo himself to admit it. "It was bad enough that you had to follow me here from Ikebukuro, but do you really have to weasel your way into my family? Listen, I'll do whatever you want, but just leave my family out of this. You want to be friends, then okay. Let's be friends. Just stay away from my family."
"You'd really do that for them?" Izaya asked, confused by Shizuo's devotion to his family. "You would shoulder all the pain and keep them in the dark just to keep them safe?"
"Of course. It's called being human," he retorted, glancing warily between his mother and Izaya.
Izaya is surprised to be welcomed into the Heiwajima home and can't help but to survey the way Shizuo acts around his mother. Maybe he had an Oedipus complex or maybe it was that Izaya still posed as a threat, but he seemed to have been really protective of her. When his father returned home from work, the informant finally had the full picture of the Heiwajima household.
Kasuka was almost the spitting image of his father, Heiwajima Yukito. And by almost, Izaya noticed the only difference between father and son was that Yukito had an ever-present smile that Kasuka would forever lack. Izaya had always pictured the Heiwajima's to be heartless monsters, but seeing how domestic and blissful his parents were, he couldn't help but to feel somewhat jealous. Despite his abnormal strength, Shizuo must have grown up in a relatively normal household and it was clear by the loving photos that the Heiwajima's had on display. Izaya wasn't sure if he should be jealous or not, knowing that he didn't have this kind of normal life. But then again, he and his sisters hadn't wanted to be normal growing up, did they?
Izaya felt strange by the way they welcomed him into their family and bantered him with cheerful conversation and small talk. When Yukito asked of his relationship with Shizuo, Izaya figured he would honor Shizuo and Kasuka's decision to keep them in the dark and simply responded that they were classmates, introduced through Shinra and fondly recalled a Raijin memory, though he had to alter many of the details in it. From the corner of his eye, he watched Shizuo slip away unnoticed. If anything, Shizuo was just glad that this dinner hadn't turned out to be a complete disaster and his parents' mood seemed to have lightened up considerably.
After dinner, he and Izaya were left alone on the back porch with cups of cold iced tea and a fan to combat the humid weather. "Thanks," Shizuo muttered, but wouldn't elaborate any further.
"You're welcome," Izaya replied. "I know you don't want to hear this, especially from me, but is this really all you're going to do with your life?"
"What are you talking about?" he answered, already not liking where this conversation was headed.
"It's just that you seemed to have given up, and it's so unlike you to do so," the informant explained. "That's not you. You don't give up. You're stubborn and you don't ever call it quits on anything."
"Guess I finally met my match," Shizuo said wistfully.
"Don't say that," Izaya responded, disturbed by the lack of fight in the former-blond. "There has to be something you've always wanted to do before you died. I'll take you. Whatever you want. Just name it."
Shizuo frowned at Izaya's proposition, and couldn't help but to be suspicious. "Why?"
"Think of it as an apology," the informant answered. "You said you could never forgive me for what I've done and you'll continue to hate me to no ends, but maybe this way, you will reconsider. I did come all the way down for you, didn't I?"
"I want to punch you in the face," Shizuo said flatly. "Will you let me do that then?"
"Go for it," he replied, giving him a smug look to further threaten him. Shizuo seriously wondered for Izaya's sanity as he clenched his fist and pulled back, ready to land the blow and probably break his nose. Izaya squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself as the brute swung his fist. He felt the breeze made by Shizuo's swing, but felt nothing. Hesitantly, he opened one eye to see that Shizuo had stopped himself five centimeters away from his face. "Why'd you stop?"
"Did you mean it when you said you'd take me anywhere?" Shizuo asked, pulling his fist back and sticking his hands into his pockets. If Izaya was dangling this hope into his face and didn't mean it, he didn't know if he'd be able survive such a betrayal.
"Yes," Izaya answered in a heartbeat. "Anywhere. Just name it and it's yours."
Shizuo looked away from his sheepishly as he looked down to his feet. "I was sick and missed a field trip when I was younger," he murmured, feeling awkward and stupid as he made this confession to Izaya of all people. "It was to Himeji Castle. Kasuka went the next year and brought back a souvenir magnet for me. It was... cool."
"Do you want to go to the castle?" Izaya inquired, hoping that Shizuo was sharing this story as a shy way of asking him to take him there.
Shizuo caught himself, stopping himself from sharing too much with the informant. He knew better than this and in the end, he'd always get hurt. He wouldn't let it happen again. Guarded, he shook his head. "No. Forget it. It's stupid." Looking to the clock, he used the time as an excuse to change the subject. "It's getting late. You should probably leave."
"Alright," Izaya replied, tired. He wouldn't push Shizuo anymore. He'd stop pursuing him finally. "I really meant it though," he said, at the door. "If you change your mind, my offer still stands. You know how to contact me. Thank you for letting me spend time with you and you family."
Shizuo closed the door behind him and went to return to his room, only to freeze in position when he realized his father was standing there, no doubt having heard the entire conversation. "Your friend seems nice," he commented, and Shizuo had hope that maybe his father hadn't heard anything. "You should get some sleep. It's late."
"Good night, father," Shizuo responded and stayed up late, overhearing his mother's quiet sobs and his father's reassuring whispers once again. He rolled over on the futon, trying to clear his mind and just think. He thought about his poor parents who knew they were facing the worst situation a parent could ever face; outliving one's child. And he thought of Izaya whose motives were still so unclear and foreign to him. He used to be able to read him so easily, but now Izaya's expressions were just a confusing blur and he could no longer tell the difference between truth and lies.
When his father returned from work the next evening, he called for Shizuo to sit out at the back porch with him and watch the sunset. "Want one?" he asked, proffering a popsicle he must have picked up from a convenience store on his way home.
"You know I'm not supposed to," Shizuo said, sorely tempted to accept the frozen treat.
"Dessert once in a while shouldn't hurt. A father should be able to dote on his son every now and then," his father reasoned with a shrug. "Don't you like dessert?" he added, tempting him with a smile.
"Mom won't be happy," Shizuo said, giving one more attempt to deprive himself from that cold, sweet popsicle.
"What she doesn't know can't hurt her. It'll be our little secret," Yukito chuckled. "But if you really don't want it, then suit yourself," he said, opening the packaging and revealing the icy blue color of the frozen dessert. Damn it, he just had to get the soda flavor, didn't he?
"Give it here," Shizuo muttered, surrendering and accepting the popsicle. He bit into it and closed his eyes, no doubt feeling extremely refreshed from the hot weather. It felt like ages since he last had any kind of sweets, and every bite seemed like heaven at the moment. Hearing the crinkling of another wrapper, he glanced back to his father to see that he also had a popsicle. "You knew I'd take it, didn't you?" he asked, mock-accusingly.
"You're my son. I know you too well," Yukito replied, eating his own popsicle and smiling. Father and son sat in silence, watching the sunset on their back porch. Finished, Shizuo licked the stickiness from his fingertips and stood up to get a glass of water and dispose of his wrapper and popsicle stick. "Stay, we need to talk," his father said softly, placing a hand on Shizuo's shoulder to halt him. "I'll get it." He returned in a few moments, presenting Shizuo with a can of milk tea instead of his expected glass of water.
"Jeez, you're really spoiling me today, aren't you?" Shizuo commented.
"Consider it a bribe," Yukito replied honestly, causing his son to nearly spew out his drink.
"What?" Shizuo repeated, looking a little bit miffed as he tried to decide whether or not he should have been offended by his father's statement.
"Calm down, Shizuo-kun! It's not like that. It was supposed to be a joke, albeit a very bad one. I'm sorry," Yukito said as he pat Shizuo on the back. "I was just curious about your history with Orihara-kun."
"What do you care about him?" he replied defensively. "He's an old classmate. That's it."
Yukito smiled, trying to resist a chuckle. "I don't think an old classmate would offer to take you to Himeji Castle or any other place you'd want. And I don't think you of all people would get so tense around an old classmate." Damn, so he had overheard their conversation.
"It's complicated," Shizuo replied, trying to avoid answering the question altogether.
"This isn't Facebook," he pointed out, trying to sound wise. "Shizuo-kun, if you don't want to talk about it, then it's fine, but please don't lie to me or your mother. We're both worried about you."
"Sorry, father, but it's just not something I want to talk about," he said, trying to keep his parents in the dark still. "You don't have to worry, though, there's no way in hell that I'd leave with the likes of him. It wouldn't be right."
"Forgive me if I'm out of place, but I think you should go with him," Yukito said with a firm nod. "You coming here might have been a mistake. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying, but you seemed to have given up already. Orihara-kun was right; you should live your life out to its fullest before it's too late and that's something your mother and I can't give you. Shizuo-kun, just because Death is coming for you doesn't mean you should go with him peacefully. Fight him just so you can live a little longer."
And like any good father, Heiwajima Yukito knew how to help his straying son find his way back home, back to the path he had lost sight of and back to his original self.
"Thank you, father," Shizuo murmured, wiping at the wetness from his eyes as he returned into his house to locate his phone.
Nakura-san,
If you really meant it, then I'm in.
Otonashi
