Review responses:
Guest: "From beneath you it devours."- I totally stole that from Buffy the Vampire Slayer...at least I think I did.
Maybe he just didn't feel like splitting the ship in half? :P
"Out of the darkness we will rise." – Yeah, this is from a song by Triarii.
I didn't get these from any single place, but rather from random pieces of stuff that stuck in my memory.
I've always thought it weird to call a bunch of boys for one girl a "reverse harem". I mean, wouldn't that still be a harem, except for the opposing genders? Eh whatever, it's just a minor detail anyway.
I'm not an expert on evolution either, but I would assume that after millions of years of not eating meat, their ability to digest it would atrophy the same way that unused organs atrophy. Again, just a minor detail.
Setsuna is kept informed :P.
Don't ask me, I didn't make up the Stargate canon, according to which all Goa'uld are asexual with only a small number among them capable of spawning young, which is why they're called Queens.
Yes, Shol'va means traitor.
VonGimplington: I haven't watched Highschool DxD I'm afraid :P.
Rokoran: Haven't watched Worm either, though I've heard good things about it xD.
I think I've answered everything else through the PM system, so without further delay, onwards to the chapter proper.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
After the raid on which Naruto had met the Tok'ra, things proceeded in a relatively routine manner for some time.
Babies were born, the periodic raid was conducted, the Empire expanded, infrastructure was built and other such things happened.
Oma still hadn't made a reappearance, causing both Naruto and Xanna to wonder if they'd scared her off for good, but they didn't seek the ascended woman out. If she didn't have the fortitude to return after getting a little inside look at Naruto's head then she wasn't worth playing with anyway. They expected that she would show up eventually though, as they had occasionally sensed her looking in on the planet.
It was on one of those lazy, uneventful evenings that found Naruto and Xanna reclining together on one of the spacious balconies of their palace that overlooked the city underneath.
Erius apparently had a smaller axial tilt than Earth, resulting in smaller temperature deviations around the year, though the difference wasn't too big. The area that they were situated in was about analogous to Greece as far as distance from the equator was concerned, though there was less ocean nearby since it was not a peninsula.
The weather sometimes slipped to uncomfortable levels...uncomfortable for most people anyway, since they were quite impervious to such pedestrian discomfort and Akitsu was perfectly capable of cooling herself off if it got too hot and had an absurd resistance to cold. Aside from those uncommon times, it was mostly mild and comfortable, though you would be hard pressed to notice that at the moment with the furious thunderstorm that was going on.
Naturally, this meant that Naruto and Xanna were getting soaked in the downpour, but since that was the idea, it was all good. They weren't bothering with clothes and simply enjoyed the rain and wind while they cuddled.
Xanna was laying with her back to Naruto's chest and both had their sopping wet hair tossed carelessly out of the way. Naruto had a hand draped across her chest, but there was nothing sexual about it for a change, just a married couple enjoying a lazy day of doing nothing.
Frequent lightning strikes cast odd shadows over the city, the rain fell in thick sheets and the wind howled violently. This region of the planet didn't get storms like this often...in fact, this was by far the worst one to have happened since they'd taken over.
It was the type of weather that could drive a man to introspection, and that was exactly what it did to Naruto.
Thinking over the time they'd already spent here, Naruto realized that he had to be over fifty years old by now. He'd lost track of the exact number since the year on Erius was longer than it had been on Earth or in the Elemental Nations, about 20% longer if his estimation was right.
Almost as old as Tsunade when she died. He mused, using the hand that wasn't draped across his wife to touch the crystal necklace she'd given him.
She'd have been laughing her oversized tits off if she knew that I made myself Emperor after refusing to be Hokage. He thought wryly.
Ironically enough, it looked like he would also be fulfilling Jiraiya's dream of making a world without war, something that he hadn't given even two seconds of consideration when the man had told him about it. It just wouldn't be the world that the Toad Sage had had in mind. Well...Erius at least wouldn't have any wars fought on it...the rest of the galaxy was a different story.
Over thirty years had passed since their apotheosis and the time spent on Erius was the first significant time span that Naruto had spent around the same group of mortals since then.
It had been odd, seeing them grow old. Tia, that would be assassin that he'd played psychiatrist for, was now a mother with teenaged children of her own and she should be approaching fifty herself soon. He was glad that the way she'd transferred her case of Stockholm Syndrome onto him had blown over fairly quick. That had certainly taught him to tone down somewhat on the double entendres or else have some women start thinking that he was actually interested in them.
Setsuna was firmly into her thirties by now and probably had a decade of active service left to her at best, provided she didn't get the urge to start a family of her own. It seemed unfair that Te'lok, who was twice her age, would still be able to keep going for at least another forty years before age started slowing him down.
Naruto didn't much care about the unfairness of it truth be told, nor did he see any tragedy in a shorter life span. What mattered was what you did with it rather than how long it lasted.
That aside, he really liked Setsuna and wanted her around for a bit longer. He wondered how she would react to the idea of having her life extended.
She'll probably love it, that girl has a serious axe to grind with the Goa'uld. He thought, snorting softly to himself.
A soft hand carressed his forearm, it's owner apparently roused by his snort.
"Something on your mind husband?" Her voice was perfectly audible despite the loud storm.
"Just thinking that I've become a dirty old man." He replied wryly.
"Hmm?" Xanna returned, not understanding what he was talking about.
"I think I'm over fifty years old now." He elaborated.
"Oh, I see." She had for the most part stopped paying attention to the passage of time long ago. Even the self estimation of her age was more of a guess than anything more accurate.
Turning her head slightly, she looked up at his face, noting that he was starting to give off the same sense of agelesness that all those who were older than their bodies suggested eventually acquired. Looking merely at his face, one would think he was somewhere in his late twenties or early thirties, but he was getting a presence that indicated otherwise.
She smiled up at him, remembering how unhesitantingly he had discarded pieces of his humanity for her, culminating in the abandonment of his mortality. All because he loved her and wanted her so desperately.
Placing a hand on his cheek to guide his head, she scooted upwards and awkwardly craned her neck to give him a kiss. "I love you."
"I love you too and not that I'm complaining, but where did this come from?" He asked bemusedly once the kiss was over.
"Nowhere in particular." She smirked and settled back against him.
Still bemused, he nonetheless let it go and they went back to staring at the beautiful display of nature's violent power.
Another fork of lightning crackled across the sky, momentarily lightning it up and it was shortly followed by a loud peal of thunder.
Getting an idea, Naruto smirked and grabbed hold of the storm with his mind, directing the lightning in a particular pattern.
Xanna smiled widely when the next lightning bolt turned out to be distinctly heart shaped.
"My, what strange weather we are having." She said with light amusement.
The next lightning bolt spelled out 'N + X'.
"Oh, now that is just juvenile." She laughed. "What are you, fourteen?"
"Senile dementia, could happen to anyone you know." He quipped back.
Xanna patted him on the cheek mockingly and spoke in an equally mocking tone. "Don't be absurd beloved, you were demented long before you were in danger of going senile."
They lapsed back into silence and stayed that way for an indeterminable amount of time. Their soaking wet cuddle was interrupted by a hesitant sounding knock on the door.
Exchanging a curious look, they both got up to answer, since it was very unusual for any of the servants to bother them so late.
They dried off as they passed through the actual bedroom, giving the sleeping form of Akitsu an amused look. The Ice Sekirei got very sleepy during storms and was currently wrapped in an abundance of blankets and hugging a pillow.
The young woman on the other side of the door looked very relieved when it opened. That relief rapidly shifted to embarrassment when she saw that neither had bothered getting dressed.
"I am sorry to bother you so late, but there is a large group of people waiting at the main entrance." She stammered nervously.
"What do they want at this hour, and in this weather come to think of it?" Xanna asked, both baffled and slightly irritated at the interruption.
"Sections of the city are becoming flooded due to the storm and they had nowhere else to go." She answered, wringing her hands anxiously. "They are promising that they will stay out of your way, but I did not want to admit them without your permission."
Naruto and Xanna exchanged a look, both having completely forgotten that this kind of weather was actually a big problem for most people.
"Let them in and give the empty rooms to the families with young children, the rest will just have to bunk in the hallways." Naruto said, to the visible girl's visible relief. She was new and still hadn't adjusted to the fact that neither he nor Xanna were inclined to be dicks to random people just because they could.
They were only dicks to specific people, because it was fun.
"There should be extra bedding and sleeping mats in the last room of the ground floor eastern wing." Xanna added, to which the girl nodded and hurried off.
"We have a room with extra bedding and sleeping mats?" Naruto asked. This was news to him.
The horned woman had a look of focus on her face for a few moments before she spoke. "We do now."
"If you're not careful I might start thinking that you actually care about people's comfort." He teased.
"Hardly, " She snorted. "but we do not need to put up with petty jealousy right now, nor do I feel like listening to them complain about their aching backs for as long as they are here."
"You're all heart." Naruto jibed and hugged her from behind.
"I guess we'll need to figure out some kind of water drainage system to keep this from happening again." He mused, nuzzling his nose into her hair. "Keeping track of all our projects is actually starting to become a problem without spamming the world with clones."
Xanna had to agree, it was starting to get a bit much for just them to do unless they started cheating, which she didn't want to do. There was the constant need to incorporate all the new people that Naruto's raiding brought to the planet. Then there was the drive to push along the education level of the people, which had many problems of its own, chief of them being that the people themselves saw little value in it just yet. Aside from that, there were dozens of issues cropping up that any budding society faced, with more showing up all the time.
Making clones to handle all of that simply wasn't feasible unless they wanted to support all levels of society by themselves, which they didn't.
"It appears that it is time for you to get another lesson on running a nation." She said, starting to pull him towards the bed.
"Oh?" He replied, the grin in his voice audible. "What lesson would that be?"
"Delegating responsibility to underlings."
Naruto blinked at his wife's teasing reply, having expected that there would be sex. He looked on owlishly as she crawled under the covers next to Akitsu and then he sensed her reaching out to the storm, adjusting it so that it would dissipate within an hour or so.
Apparently she didn't want the palace to be full of temporarily homeless people for any longer than it had to be.
"Get over here and spoon me." She commanded imperiously, making room for a clingy Akitsu to latch onto her like a limpet.
Snapping out of his little daze, Naruto chuckled to himself and did as she said. "If only people knew how much of a cuddler you were..."
"Then they would be wise to keep their thoughts on the matter to themselves." She retorted archly and wiggled into a perfectly comfortable position between the two of them.
There had been periods when she slept for decades at a time out of sheer boredom, so having someone hold her was a luxury that never got old.
A smile bloomed on her face when she felt her husband shifting in an attempt to put his erection somewhere out of the way. As usual when this situation happened, he failed and eventually sheathed it between her thighs where she could feel it throbbing in time with his heartbeat.
No doubt it would be hours before he managed to fall asleep, the oversexed idiot.
He would be a lot of fun in the morning though.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A few days later.
Khepri stared at the crowd around her and tried to figure out what was going on. She'd received an invitation to come to the palace to discuss an opportunity and all of the people around her had presumably received the same.
There was nothing they had in common that she knew of, as there were both humans and Jaffa of both genders and from many backgrounds present.
She hadn't really been sure whether to even accept the invitation or ignore it, as it had been specifically worded to make it understandable that she could refuse without repercussions. Still, eventually curiousity had won out and here she was.
That curiousity was only being stoked by the few people she recognized.
She exchanged a nod with Nala, the leader of the Bast Guard from the fateful raid that had seen her belief in Bastet's divinity and benevolence thoroughly crushed. They'd gotten to know each other in the aftermath and were on friendly terms, though they didn't see much of each other anymore. Last she'd heard of her, Nala and most of the other women in the Bast Guard had joined the Emperor's army and occasionally butted heads with some of the male Jaffa who still thought that women shouldn't be fighting.
She also caught sight of Ling and exchanged sneers with the annoying bastard. He'd been stuck in that training camp just like her and had been just as vocal with his opinions on women as she had been with hers on men. Unfortunately for him, Setsuna was a woman and had a notoriously short temper for disrespect. Nobody had been overly shocked that she had been rather more brutal with him than with others.
Khepri grimaced at the memory of Tarnor singling her out as well, for much the same reason. While the scarred Jaffa hadn't had an excuse to administer beatings the way Setsuna had, he had still been perfectly capable of inducing misery in other ways.
Both of them had learned to keep their mouths shut on the issue of gender, but their mutual dislike was there to stay.
Further contemplation of the situation was cut off as the door to the room opened and the two people who ruled the planet entered unannounced.
Naruto had never put much stock in the idea of announcing oneself before entering a room and he was plenty loud enough to not need it in any case.
"Goooood morning people!"
Xanna might have had someone announce their entrance, but it would have been just plain embarrassing if Naruto barged into the room in the middle of it.
There was a short clamor as the room full of people returned the overly cheerful greeting, though not without a degree of hesitant confusion. Most of them had met one or the other at some point and were a bit wary as to what was going on.
"Now I'm sure you're all wondering what this is all about, so lets get right to that." Naruto continued, getting nods and mutters of agreement.
"Some of you have been with us since the beginning or nearly so." Xanna picked off where he left off. "As such you will know best how quickly our Empire has expanded, but even those of you who have joined us relatively recently are no doubt able to see it."
More mutters of agreement and some people were starting to get an inkling of what this was about.
"Those of you who have been called here have been deemed to have the potential to help with the day to day running of the Empire and aiding in its future growth, as it has become difficult for just the two of us to keep track of everything. Should you be chosen for this and should you accept, you will be vested with the legal authority to act on our behalf within the limits of what will become your responsibility."
Khepri was rather incredulous at hearing this. She had been under the distinct impression that both of them had a very low opinion of her and quite a few others in this room. After her stay in the Emperor's training camp, she had been left alone to do whatever she wanted with her life as long as it did not violate any of the laws that the two horned rulers had set down. She hadn't been sure what to make of the sudden summons but this had not been what she was expecting.
"Some of us " Naruto took over, throwing a pointed look across the room. "have had our disagreements and differences in opinion on how things should be, but that is mostly behind us now."
Though nothing showed on her face, Khepri internally fumed at the smug wink he threw her way. She would take the distant superiority of the Empress over the his mocking friendliness any day.
"The positions possible will range from regional to those encompassing the whole of the Empire and will cover areas such as education, food production, police and others." Xanna said, once again taking over the narrative. "You are only mortal and we are not unreasonable, as such it will not be expected of you to handle everything perfectly and you may come to us for help if you do not know how to act in a certain situation."
At this point, her eyes narrowed dangerously and she spoke in a tone of undeniable warning. "Know however, that we will continue to be active on our own and will be watching for anyone who may be...misusing...the power of their position for their own ends. If you accept this duty, then you will serve the people of the Empire, not yourselves, your friends or whatever personal beliefs you may hold. If you think yourself unable to hold true to this, then it would be wise to refuse this offer and return to your lives as you are."
The warning caused the entire room to visibly stiffen, all of them well aware by now that both Emperor and Empress tended to be rather heavy handed when administering punishment, though it was still better than the Goa'uld in most ways.
"You say that we will serve the interests of the people, yet it seems to me that we will be serving your interests rather than theirs." Nala challenged boldly.
A hush fell across the room as nobody could quite believe that she had just dared say that.
Contrary to the feeling of general aprehension, Naruto grinned widely at the ballsy challenge. Being female Jaffa warriors, Nala and her fellow Bast Guard had often found themselves at odds with the men, despite his explicit approval of women as warriors. It had been hilarious watching them butt heads and it had turned Nala into the type of woman that tended to challenge anything.
His wife was not as amused about being openly challenged as him, but she had long since moved past the instinctive violent reaction that such a thing might have inspired in times past.
"Do not flatter yourself, you do not have the ability to serve any of our interests." She said haughtily.
"Some of the women have the ability to serve my interests." Naruto admitted grinningly, to the embarrassment of said women.
"You do not have the ability to serve any of our non-sexual interests." Xanna corrected. "The decision to create this Empire was not made out of ambition or need, but out of the simple desire to see if I could and Naruto has even more inane reasons."
"So this is all just a game to you?" Someone asked, traces of incredulous outrage in his voice.
"Would you have preferred to stay under Goa'uld dominion?" The horned woman asked archly. "It is a game to them as well, they merely take it more seriously. Look past the injury to your pride and you will see that you benefit greatly from our presence."
The budding outrage was swiftly deflated by those words, all of them having been thoroughly disillusioned with the idea of living under the Goa'uld. Many of them had personal experience with how much better they had it now. True, they didn't agree with everything, but they would not want to go back.
"In case any of you were wondering 'why me?'..." Naruto went on before anyone else could speak up. "That would be because all of you who are present here had the courage to speak out against us at one point or another. It would be easy to place people who would agree with us blindly into these positions, but we want you to think. Regardless of where you came from, this is your home now and you should have some input on its development."
As the crowd started to mutter among themselves again, this time with a more optimistic tone, Khepri had to marvel at how blatantly manipulative that had been. First they openly admit to seeing the whole thing as a game and then explain away this delegation of power as a gesture of goodwill to allow them a say in the direction of their lives...pending their approval of course.
She wasn't sure if she was only catching this because she had prior experience with how manipulative they could be, or if it really was that obvious and the others simply didn't care.
Not that it matters much. Khepri thought sourly. One way or another, they would have things the way they wanted them.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A few years later.
One day, in a random fit of boredom, Naruto had decided to install a set of swings in the palace garden for reasons that nobody had ever properly explored.
It was a simple construction of metal with wooden boards to sit on that was somewhat beyond the current technological ability of the planet, but nobody asked too many questions about that. Word of the strange device had gotten around due to curious and gossipy servants and fairly soon, carpenters had been making their own versions with wood and rope.
It proved predictably popular with children, which was something that earned Naruto a great many barbed comments from his wife, even though he had eventually persuaded her to try it out.
It was currently in use by them and Akitsu, who found it fun just as Naruto did.
"I was thinking that we may want to make the executions public." Xanna mused, swinging her legs to keep up the momentum of the swing. For all her scathing commentary on Naruto's childishness in putting a playground item in their garden, it had turned out to be a rather good spot to do some thinking.
"I don't see why, we're not trying to hide it or anything, but I don't want to make a spectacle out of it either." Naruto argued back, swinging right next to her.
"It would better serve as an example if it was visible for all to see, a warning to others that may have considered committing such crimes." Xanna said back.
"That's nice and all, but most people aren't going to do something like that anyway and the ones who are probably aren't going to be too disturbed by the sight of a few executions anyway." He reasoned in turn.
In front of them a light bloomed and coalesced into the form of the long absent Oma Desala, temporarily disrupting the conversation.
"Well well, look who came to visit." Xanna drawled, immediately conjuring up a physical body for the newcomer and stuffing her into it.
"Greetings once again." Oma greeted, betraying no reaction to being made suddenenly corporeal, having mostly gotten used to the sensation by now.
She did take a quick glance at her clothing though. An elaborate robe of layered black and purple silk that did not truly reveal anything but hinted at everything.
Could be worse.
"Nice." Naruto commented, not stopping in his swinging.
"Pretty." Akitsu agreed, also continuing to swing.
Any reply from Oma was cut off as Naruto launched himself from the swing to land right in front of her with his arms spread widely.
"HUGS?"
The ascended woman simply looked at him neutrally and did not move.
Naruto however was not deterred and enveloped her in a massive bear hug in spite of her lack of enthusiasm. "HUUUUUUGS!"
"Let...go of me!" She managed to get out with impressive coherency despite having her cheek mashed into one of his pectorals.
"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS!"
Oma released a long sigh that communicated such a wealth of weary exasperation that even the most energetic people would lose the will to continue pestering her. Naturally, Naruto continued to hold on for a long while despite the fact that the woman he was hugging had her arms and legs hanging limply with a passive resistance to his antics.
Back on the swings, Akitsu shook her head sadly at Oma's behavior. Hugs from Naruto weren't to be taken for granted, even if he did hand them out like candy. She felt sorry for the poor woman that didn't know what a wonderful thing she was resisting.
Eventually, Naruto put her back down on the ground and grinned at her as if she had actually returned the hug. "So what can I do you for?"
Frowning and deciding to ignore the mixed up wording of that sentence, Oma opened her mouth to speak but was cut off before she could.
"Ah ah ah!" Naruto tutted and sat back down on the swing. "get swinging."
Sighing in a long suffering manner, Oma pointed out a flaw in his 'request'. "There are no more swings available."
"This is true." Naruto admitted and hummed consideringly at the conundrum. "Akitsu, come sit on my lap."
The Ice Sekirei eagerly vacated her seat and plopped into his lap, wiggling her rear until she was comfortable.
They started started swinging their legs together and Akitsu smiled happily. This was great.
"Wheeee."
"So cute!" Naruto exclaimed and clamped his lips on her pale neck, sucking on it and giving her a hicky in short order.
Akitsu squealed in both surprise and pleasure at the sudden assault on her neck.
A pebble smacked into the side of Naruto's blond head with a resounding 'thunk' that implied it had been thrown with considerable force.
"Do rein yourself in husband." Xanna said dryly, turning another pebble around in her hand.
"But...that 'wheee'! It was adorable." Naruto protested.
"Yes, it was." She agreed. "It was also a blatant manipulation by Akitsu to keep your attention on her."
The Ice Sekirei went pink at being discovered and ducked her head.
"That's...pretty impressive." Naruto admitted, having honestly not picked up on it. He suddenly had to wonder how many times the quiet woman had pulled one over on him like this. Surely he was not so easily manipulated by cuteness?
"it was also rather cheeky." Xanna said archly. "Candlewax tonight I think."
Akitsu bit her lower lip and pressed her thighs together as hard as she could, trying desperately to control the heat rising between them, not helped by the fact that she could feel Naruto's own arousal poking at her. Though it sounded like a punishment, she loved it when Xanna brought out the candlewax, even if it was going to be unbearable. The horned woman could hold her helplessly on the edge between pleasure and pain for hours at a time, keeping climax a hairsbreadth away until she was left sobbing for release.
It was amazing.
She bit her lip even harder as her nipples stiffened so much that she could almost feel the phantom sensation of stinging droplets of candlewax dripping over them. When the fire between her legs started becoming almost physically painful, Akitsu realized that she had to leave or she was going to start molesting Naruto then and there. Normally not a problem, but if Xanna had already interrupted once, then that meant that she couldn't do that right now.
"Haaah...excuse me...I have to...go."
"By all means." Naruto said with a grin. Even if he couldn't smell the nearly overpowering scent of her arousal, Akitsu's strained speech would have clued him in on it.
The Ice Sekirei wasted no time hopping off his lap and walking rather jerkily towards the palace.
"And Akitsu..." Xanna called out with a somewhat mean smirk on her face, making the Sekirei stop instantly. "...no touching yourself."
Naruto stared hungrily at her retreating back at the tiny whimper that escaped from Akitsu's throat. Truth be told, he was having trouble restraining himself from chasing her down and taking her against the first available surface at this particular moment.
Fortunately, his wife's throaty chuckle distracted him and pulled his attention over to her.
"I do believe we've turned sweet little Akitsu into a sex addict." She said humorously.
"Smells like it." He agreed and turned to the third person present, who had been silent as a mouse and pretending that she didn't exist for the past few minutes. "What do you think Oma?"
"She is clearly where she wants to be and it is not my place to comment on your lifestyle." The ascended woman answered stoically.
Alteran culture had frowned upon those who stuck their noses into the way others lived their lives...Though displays such as what she had just witnessed would have still been considered highly inappropriate for such a public space, but this was not the Alteran culture.
Xanna stood from her swing and approached her, laying her palm gently on the ascended woman's cheek and leaning in with a murmur. "We could show you a thing or two about our lifestyle. I assure you that it would be most...enlightening."
Oma didn't quite jerk away, but she did very pointedly step back and lean out of the touch. "No thank you."
Despte spending millenia as a technically genderless spirit, she still identified as a female and had never had any such interest in her own gender. And this was after disregarding the fact that physical pursuits no longer interested her.
"Your loss." Xanna said with a wicked smirk and sat in Naruto's recently vacated lap, gesturing towards one of the empty swings on either side of them. "Sit."
Naruto and Xanna started kicking their legs to build momentum, while Oma simply sat there unmovingly.
"Omaaaaaa~," Naruto sing-songed when he noticed her lack of motion. "there's no point in sitting on a swing if you don't actually swing."
"Is this truly necessary?" The ascended woman asked in exasperation.
"Nothing is truly necessary, yet we continue going through the motions of an irrelevant existence in an uncaring Universe." Xanna spoke philosophically, and quite over dramatically.
Oma sighed with an air of defeat and started kicking out her legs, feeling like a child all the while. It was a small price to pay to get them to listen to her, but it was just so damnably absurd. Seriously, bringing out existential philosophy as an argument for why she should use a swing?
"So, what were we talking about again?" Naruto asked once they were all swinging.
"We were debating the merits of making the executions of our worst criminal offenders public to serve as a warning to others." Xanna said.
"Ah, and I was against it because I don't think it would achieve anything worthwhile." He nodded to himself.
"I too would advise against it." Oma added her own opinion. "Aside from being ineffective as deterrents, public executions would also damage the mentality of the people as a whole."
The horned duo both blinked and looked at her in confusion, not understanding what she was talking about. "Damage...their mentality?"
"Unlike yourselves, most people are not able to see another person being killed and remaining unaffected. Such a sight on a regular basis would undoubtedly instill a certain indifference towards the value of life and increase the likelihood of base behavior."
The light of realization entered their eyes and they nodded. Neither one of them had any kind of respect for life for one reason or another and didn't really understand what the big deal was. Even with Oma's explanation, they didn't quite grasp it, but they would take her word for it.
"I'm surprised you're not objecting to us even having executions." Naruto commented.
"Would I be able to convince you to abandon the practice?" The ascended woman asked dryly.
"No, but I expected you to try anyway." He replied with a smirk.
Oma simply sighed and made no further comment on that. Perhaps one day, but at the moment such a thing was simply not going to happen, the brief joining with Naruto years ago had made that abundantly clear to her.
The Alterans had long ago taken a more philosophical view of death in any case, so the deaths themselves did not bother her overmuch and she could not tell them how to punish their criminals in any case. She was more concerned with the long term impact it would have on the civilization they were making.
"A thought occurs husband." Xanna said pensively.
"Is it a dirty one?" He leered.
"Not particularly. I was just considering that Oma obviously wishes we weren't so quick to kill people and it occured to me that there may be a better use for our slowly growing criminal population."
Oma looked towards the horned woman with interest and even some shock. While she had been impressed with the fact that they had assembled a form of government and filled it with people who were willing to argue with them, as that was an important first step on the path to something more democratic, she had not expected anything even remotely lenient from their justice system for some time.
"Do tell." Naruto urged with a smirk, keepings his hands on her waist and keeping her pressed firmly against his still rock hard erection as they kicked their feet out on the swing. For all that the conversation was important, his mind was mostly on the upcoming fun.
"There is always difficult work to be done that nobody wants to do, so why not have the criminals do it? The ones with lighter crimes would be allowed to return to their lives after a certain period of time, while the ones we were going to execute would work until they eventually died." Xanna explained her idea.
Naruto mulled it over for a while. It would certainly be a way of avoiding the need to build prisons and he was going to kill the rapists, child molesters, unrepentant murderers and the like anyway. Might as well get some use out of them.
Oma was not nearly as sanguine about it as him and knew that she had to derail this before it got any momentum. Slavery as a punishment was an order of magnitude worse than simple executions and simply could not end well. She didn't even know why she was surprised that Xanna's idea had turned out to be something like this.
"I advise against it, such a practice would cause great damage to the culture you are creating as well as to your own reputations. It would polarize your people and be a serious point of contention." She said empathically.
Xanna was less than moved by the argument however. "The culture would adapt, what people think of us is irrelevant and Humanity is petty enough to always argue about something anyway. We may as well give them something or else they will make it up themselves."
"I don't see what the problem is." Naruto said with a shrug. "We'd need to separate criminals from the rest of society anyway and they had to know the consequences of their actions when they chose to commit a crime."
In other words, they expected the general population to simply 'deal with it' and had instantly dehumanized the criminals to the level of 'problems to be solved'...at least in the case of the worst offenders.
Oma hid her frustration with their thinking well and approached from a different angle. "You would need to have guards watching them at all times and it may be the spark needed to ignite a rebellion against you since it would rightly be seen as you practicing slavery similar to the Goa'uld. It would be more trouble than it is worth."
That got them to rethink their idea. While there was no hope of anyone unseating them by force, rebellions would be...troublesome.
"Fine then, we'll stick to the executions." Naruto huffed, somewhat disappointed. He'd considered it a rather good idea, but Oma did have a point and it likely would end up being more trouble than it was worth.
"Don't be so hasty Naruto." Xanna said, getting their attention. "Perhaps using them as slave labor would not work so well but what about entertainment?"
"Entertainment?" He asked in bewilderment. "How exactly could we use a bunch of rapists as entertainment? I mean sure, killing them is kind of fun for me, but..."
"We could organize gladiatorial death matches." She announced smugly. "It would be the perfect way to get rid of them, while still making some use of them."
"This is your worst idea yet!" Oma interjected, frustration starting to leak into her voice. How could two people that were otherwise so levelheaded and reasonable be so blind to how badly that could end?
"And pray tell, why is that?" Xanna asked, irritation seeping into her tone as well.
"Disregarding the immorality of blood sports, it would serve to glorify successful gladiators in the eyes of the spectators in spite of them being criminals. Worse still, you would soon find yourself facing a shortage of criminals as demand for more battles grew and this is not even mentioning that it would turn your people into bloodthirsty barbarians."
"She might have a point." Naruto admitted with some reluctance, having thought it was a pretty good idea himself.
Oma could have slumped in relief. She hadn't imagined just how exhausting it would be to steer these two immoral monsters away from the worst ideas.
Xanna settled down, though she still had a sour look on her face. Yes, Oma probably had a point, but she had really thought it was a good idea. Even she would have been able to enjoy it, which was not something that could be said about a lot of things at her age. She was starting to understand her husband's feelings on the matter of ruling a nation. Being responsible really sucked sometimes.
"We could still have a volunteer gladiator league, though it would probably be better to restrain it to non-lethal types of entertainment." Naruto said, noting his wife's unhappy mood and trying to cheer her up.
"It just wouldn't be the same." She sighed, got up from his lap and started walking away.
"Now look at what you did." Naruto scolded and followed her.
Oma stared at the golden mane swishing over his retreating back, having to consciously suppress the urge to grind her teeth together.
Had Naruto seriously just scolded her for convincing them not to implement a barbaric and completely backwards means of punishing criminals?
"Maybe she wouldn't have gotten upset if you weren't both psychopaths." She muttered to herself with a fair bit more vehemence than you could normally find in one of the Ascended.
Then again, most Ascended didn't interact with anyone and thus neatly avoided any stressful situations.
...And she was stuck in a physical body again because they would undoubtedly be busy with each other and Akitsu for the foreseeable future. Lovely.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
An unspecified amount of time later.
Naruto twisted his head to one side and then the other, his spine letting out loud cracking sounds with the motion. "Finally, I was seriously starting to think that this day would never end."
"It was unusually tiresome." Xanna agreed, sprawling in her throne and looking about ready to take a nap then and there.
Neither one of them were physically tired, but they'd been sitting on their thrones and dealing with various issues for practically the whole day. Despite having established a working governmental infrastructure of sorts, it was still far from self sufficient and often needed input from them, not to mention that some people insisted on dealing with them directly even when there was no need for it.
They'd even needed to get a secretary to organize a schedule for them. Naruto struggled against himself mightily not to seduce her out of sheer principle. The woman was happily married and he didn't want to screw it up for her, he had some standards.
Speaking of off limits secretaries, Naruto spotted her approaching right then and by the uncomfortable expression on her face, he could already tell that he wasn't going to like what she had to say.
"What is it Hoshi?" Naruto asked when she came close enough, not bothering to straighten up from his lazy slouch.
Dark haired and dark eyed, Hoshi came from the same culture as Setsuna and felt the same sense of obligation towards them that most of her people did. Probably had something to do with their overdeveloped sense of honor.
"Heika," She began, addressing both of them. "one of the city guard is here to speak with you."
"Can it wait until tomorrow?" Xanna asked boredly, obviously not in the mood to deal with anything else this day.
"He claims that it is important." Hoshi answered.
"But is it actually important, or is he just claiming that it is?" Naruto asked.
Hoshi hesitated a bit before answering "I could not say."
Xanna snorted at the evasive answer that basically meant she wasn't sure but didn't want to make a judgement on the matter. "Fine, bring him in."
The guard walked in, but he was not alone. Oddly enough, he was prodding along two other men, both of which looked very nervous.
"So, what's the problem?" Naruto asked, sounding incredibly disinterested. He was already daydreaming of how great a bath and massage would feel right now.
The guard apparently didn't notice the bored tone and spoke firmly. "My lord, my lady. I discovered these two deviants having sexual relations...with each other!"
Naruto groaned loudly and face palmed forcefully enough to make the sound echo across the throne room.
"I told you it was going to happen." Xanna said, her previous boredom replaced by cheerfulness.
"I thought for sure that people would know better after seeing the way we act." Naruto continued to groan.
"You are too optimistic."
The guard was by this point puffing his chest out proudly, while the other two men were breaking into cold sweat.
At long last, Naruto sighed and turned to look at the guard. "Do tell how you discovered this."
Somewhat confused as to why this was important, the guard began to explain. "I saw them acting strangely when they walked past my post, holding hands and such. I discreetly followed them and saw them kissing and disrobing as soon as they arrived at one of their homes."
"So to summarize." Xanna said while Naruto was busy pinching the bridge of his nose. "You abandoned your post in order to follow two adults to their home and spy on them."
"W-Well yes, but..." The guard blustered, thrown off by this new slant on events.
"Then you trespassed into their home and aprehended them without due cause." Naruto continued, having finally stopped looking obviously exasperated.
"But I..." The guard trailed off, getting the feeling that he may have badly misjudged the situation.
"That was very unyouthful of you." Naruto spoke over him. "Wouldn't you say?"
This time it was the guard who broke out into a cold sweat, his mind frantically trying to find an answer that wouldn't result in having to run around in a suit of skintight, eyegougingly green spandex.
Xanna shook her head and stood up. "I'm going to take a bath, handle this quickly and join me husband."
"Report to me three hours before sunrise tomorrow morning." Naruto told the guard, now grinning menacingly. "We're going to kindle your Flames of Youth into a roaring inferno!"
The unfortunate guard looked as if someone had killed his favorite dog as he trudged out of the throne room, already resolving to never again assume that the Emperor and/or Empress would disapprove of something.
When the guard had left, Naruto sighed and muttered to himself inaudibly about people wasting his time.
"Um, your majesty, what about us?"
The hesitant question halted his exit and he looked at the nervous gay couple that apparently didn't know if they could leave or not.
"What about you?" The horned man asked, slightly puzzled. "You haven't done anything, you're free to go."
"You mean you don't care that we..." One of them trailed off, unsure if he should finish that sentence.
"You couldn't make us care about your sex life if you tried." Naruto said flatly, speaking for both himself and Xanna. If they'd been two women, he might have made some saucy comments, but since it was two men there was absolutely nothing of interest for him going on there.
"Thank you your majesty!" They chorused, happy and relieved and then quickly left.
Naruto rolled his eyes behind their backs and muttered under his breath as he went to join his wife. "Morons, what the hell are you thanking me for? Not giving a shit? Why don't you go thank those cats we stole from Bastet then, they don't give a shit if you like to swordfight with your dicks either...I need to stop talking to myself."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
More time passes.
Akitsu smiled to herself slightly as she carefully dragged the brush over the canvas. It was turning out to be her best work so far and she already felt proud of it even if it wasn't done yet.
Naruto and Xanna were often busy and she didn't want to bother them, but she had admittedly been terribly bored when one of them wasn't around to spend time with. She was glad that Xanna had gotten her to reveal this little hobby, even if it had been scary and embarrassing at the time.
"It seems you will soon be finished with that one."
Akitsu wasn't startled by the sudden voice, even though there had been nobody there as far as she knew. She had never been one to startle easily and it was hardly the first time that she had failed to detect one of her two favorite people approaching her.
"Ah...yes, a few more days." She answered while Xanna sat down next to her.
"You've been getting up quite early lately for the sake of this painting." The horned woman commented lightly and let off a small chuckle. "I've had to deal with Naruto's early morning lust all by myself."
"Sorry." Akitsu said, nibbling on her lower lip. She knew that Xanna had no problem dealing with that particular issue alone and she wasn't actually sorry for making her do it. She was more sorry to be missing the fun, but she really wanted to finish this painting.
"Will you be giving this one away as well?"
Akitsu had taken to giving away her various works some time ago. Naruto and Xanna never made any effort to exclude her from various conversations on how to encourage further progress even though she didn't really have anything to contribute most of the time. One day she had thought that maybe someone would be inspired to make their own art if they saw hers.
Oma had been there too and had encouraged it, claiming that the development of art was an important cultural milestone. Xanna had liked it too and from then on most of her work had started being displayed for all to see. Anonymously though, because she didn't want the attention.
"No...not this one."
"Oh? What is so special about this one?" Xanna questioned curiously and peered at the canvas.
It was a very well made painting of a sunrise over a distant mountain that was visible from the balcony they were currently on. No doubt the reason for Akitsu's recent early mornings was to catch the exact moment it happened and capture it in as much detail as possible while it happened.
"A gift. For you and Naruto." She said simply, adding another bit of color to the nearly finished painting.
"A gift hmm?" Xanna said musingly.
They received gifts fairly often these days, but most of the time it was by someone or other that wanted something in return, their kinder disposition if nothing else. It was one of the perils of being in a position of rule, she knew.
But Akitsu had no such ideas in mind, she just wanted to give them something. She was sweet like that.
"You are getting old Akitsu." She continued, seemingly out of the blue.
Akitsu put down her brush and looked at her hands, noting once again that they were not as soft as they used to be. As a Sekirei, she didn't look as old as she actually was, nor was she suffering from any infirmities yet, but it was bound to happen eventually. Her light brown hair now sported the occasional grey strand and there were some wrinkles on her face. Her prodigiously large breasts, having long defied gravity, also seemed to be getting tired of the struggle bit by bit.
Neither Naruto nor Xanna had ever mentioned these things, but Akitsu had been perfectly aware of them from the very first wrinkle and grey hair. She had done her best to pay it no mind and simply enjoy what she had, but no matter how cute she acted because it invariably drew Naruto's attention, there was no denying the fact that she wasn't a beautiful young woman in her prime anymore.
"Yes." She replied simply and waited to see what would happen next.
She wasn't going to fall apart at the fear that she might be cast aside as she might have done years ago. Despite the miserable start of it, her life had turned out far better than expected. She had never gotten the Ashikabi that she had wanted so desperately, but she had gotten something far better instead.
She would have been content just to have someone who wanted her for something, anything at all. The many years of happiness she'd gotten instead were more than she had once been able to imagine.
Naruto would never send her away, this she knew. Xanna might though, in which case Akitsu knew what she would do. She could not, and more importantly would not, go back to that lonely existence. Her life had been happy and she'd had a long time to think of what courses for it were acceptable to her.
Losing Naruto and Xanna was not acceptable.
"How is it that you have never asked us to restore your youth?" Xanna asked.
"It does not matter to me." Akitsu replied honestly.
"Is that so?" Xanna prodded rhetorically even though she had suspected that to be the case, reaching out to the unfinished painting with her hand, as if to touch it.
Akitsu saw the clawed digits going for her latest work, knowing that they would easily cut through the canvas or smudge the still wet paint. She'd put a lot of work into that painting and didn't want it to be damaged.
"Don't touch." The Ice Sekirei chided, gently slapping the hand aside before it could reach the canvas. It was not the first time that the horned woman had done something like this to provoke a response from her.
"Have you truly never wished to be young again?" The horned woman asked, pretending that nothing had happened just now. "Naruto would not have denied you if you had asked you know."
Indeed, he had been waiting for it for some time and had started becoming confused as to why she wouldn't ask. He had eventually deduced that Akitsu simply didn't care about her own appearance, but he had still expected her to ask for it, if for no other reason than to look pretty for them.
"He seems to like old ladies." Akitsu replied in the toneless voice she had perfected long ago. Naruto had once called it her poker voice.
Xanna grinned in amusement as she caught the light barb aimed at her own age. Akitsu could be pretty cheeky outside the bedroom. "And what if I told you that you are beginning to become unattractive to us."
"I am yours." Akitsu said with the self assured certainty of someone that has their life entirely figured out. "If you liked me better when I looked young, then make me young again."
Xanna hummed to herself and then laid a hand on the Ice Sekirei's cheek, taking away the years until she looked to be twenty again. "There we go, you will be staying with us for a while yet."
Akitsu smiled as she felt her youth returning, happy that she would have more time to spend with them. Then it faded as she remembered an unvoiced thought from years ago.
"Ah...I do have one request." She said, some of her hesitant manner returning now that she had to ask for something.
"Do tell." Xanna was honestly curious what the request would be. Akitsu had never really asked for anything in the entire time that she had been with them. Nothing of any significance at any rate.
"If you ever get tired of me...could you please kill me in my sleep?"
For a few moments, Xanna was genuinely surprised by the odd request, but it quickly made sense. Akitsu had no fear of death, knowing full well that there were many worse things than dying that could happen to a person. Being left behind was one such thing for the Ice Sekirei.
"If you wish." The horned woman agreed. It was a simple request and perfectly understandable considering what kind of person Akitsu was. "To have such clarity of mind...you've grown up quite a lot from the broken girl you used to be, haven't you?"
"Ah...I had to, or mistress would punish me even more." The Ice Sekirei said with a bashful submissiviness that masterfully concealed the giddy elation bubbling inside her. She was going to have this happiness to the very end with no chance of ever losing it! Life was perfect.
Xanna arched a lazy eyebrow over at the other woman and snorted lightly, amused at the deliberately misleading wording. "I was intending to make you sweat at the idea of abandonment, but you went and ruined my fun by being so composed."
"Mistress is cruel." Akitsu said to herself, nodding happily.
"If you are attempting to manipulate me into making tonight more 'interesting', you are not succeeding." Xanna stated with a sniff.
"Mistress is cruel." Akitsu repeated with the exact same tone and happy nod.
A pure white eyebrow twitched slightly. Akitsu was not normally so cheeky, but she was apparently in a tremendously good mood due to the implicit knowledge that they wanted to keep her around for at least a while longer.
"Perhaps I should give you a break then?" Xanna mused out loud, seemingly speaking to herself. "Allow you to recover from satisfying mine and Naruto's dark lust?"
Akitsu frowned almost imperceptibly. She loved it when they used her to satisfy the aforementioned dark lust. After so many years of almost nightly sexual ecstasy, being abruptly cut off from sex would be torture.
Determined to put an end to any such ideas, Akitsu reached over and firmly pinched the other woman's nipples, sending a shock of frigid energy into them at the same time.
Taken genuinely off guard by the move, Xanna yelped and toppled backwards with far less dignity than was normal for her.
"Akitsu..." The horned woman growled darkly as she picked herself off the ground, staring at the absurdly innocent face of the Ice Sekirei.
Akitsu quickly walked back into the palace, letting out a muffled giggle as she went. She had to go pinch Naruto's nipples next.
For a minute, Xanna simply stared contemplatively after her, wondering where that had just come from. For the entire time that the Ice Sekirei had been with them, she had been perfectly respectful. Though time had given her the confidence to be a bit cheeky sometimes, she had never done anything even remotely as bold as that nipple pinch just now. That was more like something that Naruto would have done.
"So that is how it is?" She finally chuckled to herself in realization. "When all fear of death has passed, all that remains is the joy of life."
With the assurance that she would die happily in her sleep, Akitsu had nothing left to be afraid of. She could allow herself to be as cheeky as she wanted, completely secure in the knowledge that everything would turn out alright.
"I've gotten soft." Xanna muttered to herself as she made her own way back into the palace.
Before falling in love with Naruto, she would have killed Akitsu for that stunt...not to mention that she would have gotten bored of her a long time ago. She would also have had gladiator pits by now, where she would get to watch those stupid enough to break her laws kill each other for her amusement.
But then she would also have been alone and probably bored out of her mind already, so maybe going a bit soft wasn't so bad.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hop, time skip and jump.
"Soon we will embark through the Chappa'ai and do battle against the Jaffa of Apophis, enemy to our lord Cronus!" A Goa'uld was saying.
He was dressed in greek style armor, complete with leather tassels flapping from the bottom of his breastplate and a helmet with a flashy black plume sticking out of it, the type that the commander of a Spartan military unit might wear. His host was a fairly tall white man with dark black hair and grey eyes, with a goatee fashioned in a style that probably made him look aggressive even when he wasn't.
This was Ares, formerly an underling to Zeus and now and underling to Cronus. Having finally gained some measure of favor from Cronus, he had been assigned to lead attacks through the stargate into the territory of Apophis. A task that he felt himself well suited for, as infantry strategies were his forte. At the moment, he was just giving a speech to the warriors that would soon fight and die in his name, knowing that morale was an important factor in attaining victory.
The Jaffa stood taller and had a fire in their eyes at the thought that they would fight at the side of a god. They were determined to demonstrate their worth or die trying.
Ares of course had no actual intention of doing any fighting, unless you counted standing behind them and shouting orders as fighting.
"It's pretty sad how easy it is to manipulate these guys."
Off to the side and slightly behind the Goa'uld, a group of much harder to impress people was lounging, unseen and unheard.
"Do you not do the same thing?" Oma asked pointendly, arms crossed and leaning into the backrest of the comfortable couch that Xanna had conjured for them.
"That doesn't make it any less sad now does it?" Naruto retorted, craning his neck to look at her. It was a bit awkward since his head was sitting in Akitsu's lap.
He was going to say something else but Akitsu stuffed a handful of grapes into his mouth at that exact moment, forcing him to either chew or choke.
"You are supposed to feed them to him one at a time." Xanna said from next to her with obvious amusement as Naruto struggled to chew without making a huge mess of himself.
"Ah...I see." Akitsu acknowledged and started putting more grapes into his mouth one at a time.
The only problem was that she was doing it much too fast, not even giving him time to properly chew one before another was already being stuffed into his mouth.
"Slow down...or don't, this is actually rather amusing to watch." Xanna said next, watching as her husband chewed furiously in an effort to outpace Akitsu's hands.
Blinking, the Ice Sekirei did slow down, though she was confused. Both Naruto and Xanna tended to eat like a pack of starving wolves at the best of times, so this sudden inclination to eat something slowly made no sense to her.
"What are we doing here?" Oma asked with a sigh, sitting on Xanna's other side.
"At the moment we appear to be watching that pompous windbag blow hot air." Xanna summarized, waving her hand at Ares, who had by now taken to pacing in front of the Jaffa while he continued with his little speech.
"Yes, but why?" Oma pressed. "And why are we dressed in togas like the philosophers of Terra's Ancient Greece?"
Indeed, all four of them were dressed in white togas, with Akitsu and Oma having the addition of sandals, while Naruto and Xanna remained as barefoot as ever.
It was Naruto who answered her, having finally managed to swallow the grapes. "The togas and the grape feeding thing is to blend in, we are on a Greece based Goa'uld planet after all. Get with the program."
"I find it strange that you know so much about which civilizations thrived on Terra thousands of years ago." Oma commented, clearly insinuating that she wanted to know how this was possible.
She just didn't want to directly ask how it was possible, because that would only get her a 'fuck you, that's how!'.
"As for why we are watching this guy make an ass of himself..." Naruto continued as if she hadn't spoken. "We're going to play some pranks on him."
Oma simply stared at him, obviously wanting to know why exactly they had come halfway across the galaxy just to play a few practical jokes on a minor Goa'uld.
"Because you need to have some fun and this will be fun." Naruto explained as if she had actually verbalized the question.
Oma simply sighed and closed her eyes. "I will not participate in this childish behavior."
"Ugh, will you just drop the 'enlightened higher being' crap for a while and enjoy yourself?!" He said with a note of frustration in his voice, tossing a grape at her forehead.
Oma jerked slightly at the impact and opened her eyes but did not otherwise react to having fruit thrown at her. "By humiliating someone else?"
"Yes!" Naruto confirmed, glad that she understood.
"I see nothing entertaining about that." She replied calmly.
Even if it was a Goa'uld that had done countless evil things during his lifetime, she didn't understand how humiliating him was going to accomplish anything. Naruto and Xanna already planned on toppling their empire and killing them, what was the use in adding insult to injury? She simply didn't see what was so amusing about that.
"Truly?" Xanna asked dubiously. "Do you not find his egotistical rambling annoying?"
Oma frowned. Sure, she would prefer not to listen to Ares waxing eloquent about how they would 'sweep away the warriors of the enemy in a storm of fire', but that alone didn't give her any sudden urges to humiliate him.
She wasn't even going to mention that the Goa'uld wasn't the only person with an overly large ego present.
"Maybe a little demonstration first?" Naruto asked rhetorically. "Akitsu, if you would."
The Ice Sekirei stopped feeding him grapes and focused. They had told her to make it subtle and non-damaging, so she was quite limited in what she could do, but there were a few things.
A super slippery patch of ice formed under Ares' foot on one of his passes, making it slide forward uncontrollably.
Surprised, the Goa'uld instinctively pinwheeled his arms as he tried to catch his balance. He did manage it quickly, as the ice patch had been very small, but the damage was done.
The Jaffa looked stunned that a 'god' could have such a mundane thing happen to him, so stunned that they didn't let out a peep.
Ares composed himself quickly, glaring around to see if anyone was laughing at him and then glaring at the ground to see what had caused him to slip when he saw that nobody was. The ice had been disposed of by then of course, so he didn't find anything.
Akitsu giggled a bit.
"See?!" Naruto demanded, staring at Oma intensely. "Wasn't that funny?"
"No." She answered instantly.
"Just think about it!" He continued to demand. "He's claiming to be a god, but a little ice patch nearly causes him to have a pratfall, and everyone knows that pratfalls are proof of mortality."
Oma just sighed and looked away. It wasn't that she didn't understand what he was getting at, but it really wasn't that funny to her.
"You should try it." Xanna said idly.
"Try it, try it, try it, try it!" Naruto started chanting, with Akitsu joining in soon after.
Xanna had no intention of being so ridiculous, but she did stare at the ascended woman with a look that practically screamed 'do it!'. It could have also been saying 'I'm going to eat your babies', but that was a hazard of having creepy looking eyes.
"Alright, I will do it, just stop yelling!" She cried out with exasperation. Honestly, they were worse than children.
Naruto and Akitsu lowered their chanting to a whisper, while Xanna placed a hand on Oma's neck and made some alterations to the body she was inhabiting.
"I have granted you the power of psychokinesis, unleash it upon that worm." She said sinisterly.
Oma took a deep breath, holding tight control over the power she now wielded. It was greater than what she was capable of in an ascended state and massive overkill for the purposes of this little prank. She had a feeling that the horned woman was hoping she would crush the Goa'uld into oblivion instead of just causing him a little humiliation.
"Do it, do it, do it." Naruto and Akitsu continued to chant in a whisper, though the Sekirei looked as if she was just having fun by joining Naruto in on the activity rather than any real desire to see Oma do something.
Oma was glad for having prior experience with such powers, otherwise she would have almost certainly already lost control of it and devastated the area. With great care, she created a small area of solidity in front of the Goa'uld's foot as he paced, causing him to trip.
Unlike the last time, there was no salvaging the situation and he fell forward. He managed to catch himself on his hands to prevent an outright faceplant into the ground, but to the Jaffa it had no doubt looked as if he had tripped over thin air.
There was less shock this time, as something similar had happened not long before, but there was a definite undertone of confusion, surprise and even some amusement.
"Who did that?!" Ares demanded, certain that someone had tripped him.
"Uh oh, looks like he's resorting to blaming others for his own clumsiness, not very godlike that." Naruto commented with a snicker.
"You! It was you who tripped me!" He snarled right into the face of an unfortunate Jaffa that just happened to be at the spot where Oma had placed her little psychic tripwire. "You will die for this insolence!"
"See now what your pranks have accomplished?" Oma asked scathingly, gesturing to the angry Goa'uld that was already raising his kara kesh to painfully execute the completely innocent Jaffa.
"What are you talking about woman?" Naruto asked back just as scathingly. "You can crush him like a bug, you still have the psychokinesis Xanna gave you."
Oma hesitated. It was true, she did have the power, but millenia of being unable to interfere stayed her hand. She had no time to think of the consequences of such an act, no time to consider what would happen if this unimportant Goa'uld was inexplicably killed.
And that wasn't even considering the fact that the other Ascended weren't likely to distinguish whether she had used her own powers or not. They had been looking for an excuse to punish her ever since she had begun associating with Naruto and Xanna and she couldn't be certain whether the two extra dimensional visitors would protect her.
Having too many things to think about and no time to do it, Oma froze in indecision.
Snorting at her hesitation, Naruto dragged a claw through the air, suddenly making Ares' pants drop around his ankles.
"It's literally impossible to claim godhood with your junk flapping." He asserted with authority, grinning widely as the Goa'uld tried in vain to pull his pants back up. There were even a few titters of laughter from the Jaffa as Ares started shuffling away, awkwardly holding his slashed pants around his waist with both hands.
"No it isn't," Xanna refuted. "you've done it before."
"True." Akitsu agreed instantly. "But your penis is much better, very godlike."
"That's the nicest thing that anyone has ever said about my penis Akitsu. You're such a sweetheart." Naruto said, smiling up at the Ice Sekirei from where she had his head in her lap.
"Enough about your penis, the prey is escaping." Xanna said and continued before he could feign outrage at the notion that there could ever be enough about his penis. "Allow me to show you the true measure of divinity."
As soon as she finished her sentence, Ares froze in his humiliated shuffling escape and began to radiate a palpable aura of horror. Mere moments later, the pants slipped down, revealing that his bowels were blasting out an impressive spray of runny fecal matter.
"Nobody can claim to be a god for so long as they need to take a shit." Xanna declared with the finality of a death knell.
There was a moment of silence before Naruto started howling with laughter, needing to sit up or risk injuring Akitsu by accident. The Sekirei was a bit disappointed that he didn't have his head in her lap anymore, but he was leaning into her as he laughed, which was also very nice. Xanna looked very smugly self satisfied and Oma was simply face palming at the immaturity of it all.
Ares did eventually manage to get away, covered in shit and humiliated beyond anything he had imagined was possible.
Among the Jaffa, silence reigned as they held on to their warrior stoicism. Then someone snorted and a crack was made in the wall, causing ever more people to start laughing.
Needless to say, the planned attack on Apophis was cancelled.
Word of this incident soon reached Cronus, but it was too late to contain it. Enraged, Cronus killed his underling for bringing this humiliation down on the Goa'uld as a whole.
Unfortunately for him, this proved unwise as it caused wild rumors to spread that Ares had shat himself to death, causing serious damage to the image of Goa'uld divinity.
Things did eventually calm down and stabilize, but the Goa'uld had to do some fast talking by saying that they inhabited mortal bodies and were thus still subject to mortal concerns.
Cronus went to immense lenghts to cover up the entire dirty incident and eventually succeeded in shrouding what exactly had happened with a multitude of conflicting rumors.
And it all happened because Naruto had gotten annoyed by Oma's all business attitude whenever she turned up. How was he supposed to corrupt her if she was so damn stiff all the time?
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The years continued to pass and Naruto continued to raid Goa'uld planets, sometimes raiding the same ones multiple times when the Goa'uld relocated slaves from other planets. He only ran across the Tok'ra once or twice more but paid them little mind aside from sparing their lives instead of killing them.
Predictably, this caused no end of rage for the System Lords and they continued to try tracking him down in various ways. All of those ways failed because Naruto and Xanna didn't play even remotely fair on that score. They might be refraining from using the vast majority of their power in other ways, but they had no such compunction when it came to keeping things secret. Going to open war against the Goa'uld at this point wouldn't be any fun.
There was another race out there that was not as limited as the Goa'uld however, and this race also caught wind of Naruto's activities and became intrigued by what was going on. While the snakes had to rely on a somewhat haphazard way of gathering intelligence, this more advanced species was capable of accessing the memory of the stargates and simply looking up the addresses of the last few outgoing wormholes.
After that, it was simplicity itself to cross reference which of those addresses belonged to known Goa'uld worlds and calculate the position of the target planet.
In short order, an Asgard starship appeared in the Planetary System where Erius was located and parked itself in high orbit after determining that there were no traces of advanced sensors present anywhere in the system.
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Here goes chapter eight.
We've skipped ahead by a considerable number of years by now, but the next one will also probably continue the trend of mostly disconnected time skips to just give a general idea of what's going on through the years.
Till next time.
