I appreciate the reading and reviewing going on, y'all1 I have some plans for the story, and I'm excited about where it's going. I know it's been pretty heavy lately...but things'll look up soon. Thanks! REVIEW!
Hank kept me in the med lab overnight to make sure I was fine...I'd suffered a concussion on top of many other injuries, and Hank wanted to make sure everything remained stable overnight. I cried a lot. I'm not proud of that. Logan was with me the whole time, leaving only a few times; once because I'd forced him to take a shower, and the other few times for food. I was...shaken. Life just seemed so...unlivable.
"Everyone's waiting to see you." Logan said as I held his head against my chest, running my hands across his broad shoulders.
"I don't want them to see me like this." Which should be understandable; I had a black eye, cuts and scratches on my face and arms...by wrists had angry red marks from the chains around them...and I hadn't checked my lower body...but if the pain was any indication, it looked awful. He nodded against me, a low rumble coming from his chest as I switched from using the pads of my fingers to my nails. I could smell in his emotions that he missed me. It's nice to be missed.
"How'd y'all find me anyway?" I asked, letting a yawn out. He rumbled louder, nuzzling against my breast.
"Chuck found your mind...or whatever it's called, at my strong suggestion and then he sent in a team when in to get you." Other people saw me like...this. Fuck.
"Who all was on the team?"
"Me," of course "Hank, and Storm." Good...good. I feel better knowing that people that I completely respect and trust were the only ones to have seen me on what I would consider one of my lowest moments. I nodded and ran a hand through his hair.
"Does anyone know what happened?" I held my breath, remembering how people act weird once they know someone's raped. They treat them like a delicate flower who's been trampled, and for some people, that's how they need to be treated to heal...but not me.
"Just the four of us and the Professor." I sighed in relief. No one knew...and I was fine with keeping it that way too. A knock on the door interrupted our cuddling...hmm...I wonder what Logan calls it, I couldn't see him using the word "cuddle," or "snuggle" or anything. He sighed heavily and put his arms on either side of my stomach to life himself off the rather uncomfortable hospital bed. I suppose it's not that uncomfortable after all, but since we have a queen sized pillow top mattress in our room...it was like comparing a nice, soft pillow to a stiff wooden board. Logan let out an irritated growl as he stalked to the door.
"What?" He asked roughly, the door blocking my view of who was behind it.
"Logan." a pleasant female voice acknowledged "How's Rogue doing." Jean...what the hell did she want? Jean and I had never really gotten along...she liked to be the tail that every man chased and after Logan noticed I'd grown up and grown boobs, Jean wasn't just put on the back burner, she simply ceased to exist at all in his eyes.
"Fine." he answered her cautiously, crossing his arms over his chest, no doubt staring her down...what a guard dog.
"Well can I come in?" she asked, her voice still pleasant, but noticeably irritated...or not so noticeably...could be my advanced hearing.
"No." Logan retorted "Rogue isn't ready to see anybody." Jean huffed loudly and in one movement pushed past Logan and entered the room. She gasped slightly at the sight of my face...which I still hadn't checked out, Logan had covered the mirror in the bathroom and had removed all reflective devices from the room.
"You look terrible." she said sympathetically, "I guess they roughed you up a little bit..." understatement of the century.
"Do you have anything helpful to say?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound nearly as pissed off as I was quickly becoming. Jean furrowed her brow at my rude comment...but hey, she started this, and if I have to finish it...fine by me.
"No need to snap," she said "I just wanted to see how you're doing."
"Dandy." Logan interjected stoically "Please leave." Jean threw up her hands in the air in mock surrender
"I'm just trying to be nice." she said defensively "Make sure that Rogue's fine, I am a doctor after all." How could we forget?
"Jean...it's been a really long, stressful couple of days for me...I appreciate the sentiment, but I really just want to rest...if you wouldn't mind leaving." She nodded slightly and spun on her heel to leave. As she headed towards the door my advanced hearing picked up on one last comment
"Dramatic bitch...nothing even happened to her." Logan shut the door firmly behind her and turned to face me. I wish I had another snide come-back, or I could just brush it off like it was nothing...but of course, I burst into tears. Logan crossed the room in 3 long strides and sat next to me on the hospital bed.
"Can I hold you?" he asked hesitantly, probably worried he'd scare me if he just reached for me. I nodded yes and he gently pulled me to him, my head against his solid warm chest, and his arms around me. I cried...wept really, for a while before I pulled my shit together and wiped my eyes. "You okay?" he asked me, resting one of his big callused hands on my cheek. I nodded and have him a watery smile. "Everything's gonna be just fine, Darlin'." he told me, pressing a kiss to my hair. I took his face in my hands and kissed him on the lips. It was just a peck really...but I hope he saw how much I meant it. He smiled and rested his forehead against mine.
"Logan...we..." I blushed slightly and looked away from him, unable to maintain eye contact "I won't be able to have sex for a while..." a deep frown settled on his face.
"You think I'm thinking about sex right now? You almost fucking died. You were hurt...I don't care about sex right now." he growled angrily. I put a hand on his arm
"No, I don't think that at all...but I know how a feral's sex drives are...and I'm sorry that I can't...you know..." He growled low in his chest.
"I don't care if we can't have sex...I can always just take care of the problem myself...what I do care about is that you get better. I mean it, Marie." I smiled sadly...hoping that I would be ready for intimacy when my body was. Sweet man. I'll be ready one day...that I know for sure, and until I am...it's nice to know he'll stick with me. He'll wake me up when I'm having a nightmare, he'll hold my hair back when I'm dry heaving into the toilet uncontrollably...he's there. night mares are nothing new to me, I have them, Logan has them, almost everyone who has experienced terrible, terrible things first hand has had a "bad dream." The honest truth is that ugly memories make for ugly dreams.
It seems more often that I wake up panting, the visual of Victor's body hovering over mine burned into my mind. I gasped for air, pulling the covers back to cool down. I quickly got out of bed and walked to the balcony attached to Logan and I's bedroom. I opened the door and stepped out. The night air was cooler than I expected to be...but it was welcome contrast to my overheated body. I've had nightmares before, I'll have nightmares again...I need to not let them bother me...
I'm not scared, I'm invincible. I'm an X-man. I will survive. I'm not scared, I'm invincible. I'm an X-man. I will survive. I'm not scared, I'm invincible. I'm an X-man. I will survive.
"You okay, Baby?" Logan's voice called from behind me. I spun around, admonishing myself for being snuck up on
"Yeah." I said, giving him what I hoped was a convincing smile. "Just a dream." He nodded, walking to the balcony rail. I could tell I'd woken him up by getting out of bed. He was very protective in his sleep, though he'd been careful not to invade my personal space too much lately. I walked up behind him and put my arms around his waist, resting my cheek against his back. The Professor told me that I would still be traumatized for a while...but if I was being completely honest...I felt ready to move on. My body had healed, and I trusted Logan enough to not feel scared or uncomfortable at home. I could walk with my shoulders back and my head held high, I could still speak to strangers and to men...the only thing that was holding me back was my nightmares...
Which was to damn bad...because I was ready to move on.
