No. No more. It was terrible." A woman criticized me as I stood on
stage with my guitar. Everything was spinning around me.
"Please! I can do better! This is my dream!" I pleaded. People shouted
awful things at me from the crowds which were now gathering more, and more.
Faces scowled at me.
"Horrible! Absolutely horrible! You're no good! You never will be!" She
shouted. Tears built up in my eyes, and before I could catch them they
spilled down my cheeks. Then, everyone left before my eyes. The room I was
in darkened, and I fell down sobbing. I was alone.
I jumped upright in my bed, coming to my senses. Glancing into the corner,
I noticed Castiel was already gone. I rubbed the sweat of my forehead as I
tried to get the dream out of my mind. Music wasn't my dream. It only
caused me hurt, and it was about time I let it go.
***
I was so bored sitting in class. Quietly ripping off the corner of my
paper, I wroteyou never thanked me, and slipped it onto Castiel's
desk. A moment later, I felt a slip of paper return into my hand. It read
I don't need to. You're wearing your "sexy" hat, aren't
you? I replied. I knew I needed to stop. He was pure bad luck, and
before I'd know it, I'd be in detention as he went home. Iris raised an
eyebrow at me, and smiled. I shrugged my shoulders at her to let her know
that I was a dummy. I could feel Castiel try to read our silent talk, but
knew he couldn't. Iris fluttered her eyes, and made a heart out of her
hands. I grinned, and shook my head as she nodded. What I really wanted was
to beat him on something. And then that something came to mind.
After classes, I walked down the isle of foods at the cafeteria. At the
very end of the isle, I saw exactly what I wanted. A wicked grin appeared
across my lips. This food was NEVER touched, and the reason for that? These
were ghost chilies. I sighed to myself. This was going to be to good. I put
several on my tray, and went over to where Castiel sat. Instead of sitting
beside him like I usually did, I sat in the seat in front of him.
"Come to admire my face?" He teased.
"Actually, yes. This time I am. I want to see every inch of your face right
here in front of me." I gazed into his eyes wickedly, and Lysander laughed
beside him.
"What do you say we have a little challenge?"
"Yeah? Like what?" He clearly was about to make fun of me.
"Well, I'll eat a ghost chili if you do." He burst out laughing.
"You're insane if you think you can eat this!" Castiel declared. Nathaniel came over to me.
"Have you got yourselves a wimp here?" Nathaniel, and Castiel glared at
each other angrily.
"I'd like to see you eat one." Castiel said.
"Likewise!"
"Watch and learn, boys." I put half of the pepper in my mouth,and chewed
with ease. My parents had loved spicy food, and I had learned to tolerate
it easily. Although it burned like hell, I could control basically every face expression, and maintain a tan color. Castiel grinned at me to his amusement, but Nathaniel looked stunned. I gulped it down.
"Now, are you two going to give it a try, or not?" I could barely get out the words through my inferno mouth.
"Yeah, I'm going to, but it's not like this pathetic, weakling over here will." Castiel smirked.
"It's a duel!" Nathaniel's eyes sharpened at him. They both held the peppers, but neither would make the first move. It was clear that neither of them wanted to do it, but inside felt as if they had to. Through evil glares, they both took a bite smaller than mine.
"Hmm...not so bad." Castiel said. Nathaniel wasn't even speaking. All of a sudden, Castiel went cross-eyed, as his face turned redder than his hair. Nathaniel seemed to gasp for air, and broke out into a sweat that flowed freely down his forehead. I was beginning to rethink the idea. Castiel grabbed a glass, and began gulping down liquids as quickly as he could, but Nathaniel suddenly froze, and fell on the floor.
***
Nathaniel came wobbling out of the nurses office.
"Are you ok?" I rushed over to him taking him by the arm.
"Of course he's ok!" Castiel griped beside me with folded arms. Then he broke out into his familiar grin. All I could think was: let the backstabbing return.
"Looks like I'm the real man around here." Castiel flicked his collar up.
"Whatever! I'd do it again!" Nathaniel shot back. I looked at him with wide eyes.
"Just because you two despise each other doesn't mean you need to hurt yourselves!"
"Pfft! It was his own decision." Castiel said.
"Are you going to deny the fact that you pushed him to it?"
"Just forget about it." Nathaniel said. He left walking down the hallway.
***
My heels sunk into the muddy ground as I walked to the bus. Spring is such an awful season! Castiel is such an awful friend! I'm in such an awful mood!
"That's quite the face." Iris laughed coming up beside me. I suddenly became conscious of the face I was making, and it did feel ugly.
"Yeah...not the happiest right now."
"Were you hanging with Castiel again?" A small blush appeared on my cheeks, as a smile tugged at my lips.
"Well...yeah, but today he just made me mad. I don't get it. He and Nathaniel are always after each other." I rolled my eyes.
"You aren't going to deny the way you look at him in that hat, are you?"
"Pfft! I don't look at him in a different way! I look at all my friends the same way. No different at all. I don't even notice when he wears that hat. So, no. I don't think I give him a different look at all." Iris raised an eyebrow at me, and clearly got a different story out of all I had just said.
"So, you're not even going to admit how good he looks when he wears it?" Iris added.
"Well...I never said he didn't look good in it..." Suddenly, his eyes flashed through my mind. The way he looked at me as I layed across his lap when he tried to read my diary. His familiar grin when he told me that I was staring at him as he drove his car. The way he gently touched my hand to let me know he was sorry, and how he knew that he looked perfect in his hat. He was hot, and I lied to basically every person who brought it up. How pathetic I am. Always denying the truth. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and shook the dreamy look of my face. Turning around, I jumped when I saw Castiel grinning at me to his amusement. Then his grin faded.
"I wanna talk to you." He grabbed my arms, and began dragging me the opposite way of the bus.
"Hey! Let go of me!" I tried to pull away, but he was obviously stronger. He dragged me all the way behind the school, and finally let me go. I wanted to punch his face in, but began fixing my clothes instead.
"I need a favor." He said.
"Pfft! In your dreams!" I scowled, and went to leave, but he grabbed my arm again.
"Listen, girly, I need to know how well you can sing." I didn't know whether to be shocked, or offended. So I decided to show him.
"What the hell are you doing, leave me alone!" I let out in an ugly tone, and had a disgusted look on my face. He gave me a lame look.
"Hmm, I thought it would sound like crap. Glad to know you can help." Yep, I should definitely be shocked. He began pulling me towards the parking lot.
"Get your hands off me! Stop it! I am NOT helping you!" I yelled, and pulled back as hard as I could. Before my eyes, I watched the bus leave. Disappointment flooded me as I realized I had no way of getting home.
"Will you stop pulling!" Castiel growled at me. Out of anger, i only pulled harder. Suddenly, I felt arms around me, and I was thrown over his shoulder as he held my legs down. I gasped.
"How dare you!?" I yelled, and pounded on his back with fists of anger. He didn't even seem to feel it as we approached a red car in the parking lot.
"Put me down you jerk!" I mentally took back all the nice things I had just thought about him, and fell into the seat with a hard thump.
"God, you're annoying!" He slammed the door, and climbed into the driver seat. I wasn't sure why I was so angry. The last time he forced me to come with him it was because he was trying to do something nice for me. I didnt even have plans. I decided to break the awkward silence as he drove.
"...How did you get a new car?" Fidgeting with my fingers, I saw that he glanced at me obviously still upset.
"Insurance. Ever heard of it?" The silence was definitely better, but I decided to give it another shot.
"Where are you taking me?"
"Lysander and I were supposed to be playing in town tonight, but he called it off. I can't just do the same thing because I advertised a lot, and tons of people will be showing up."
"Why'd Lysander call it off?" He looked at me, and seemed to be aggravated every time I asked a question.
"Does he ever tell you anything?" He asked sourly. It was logical, but he still missed something.
"...So what does this have to do with me?" I asked, but was pretty sure I already knew. He shook his head as he rolled his eyes just to make sure I knew I said something stupid.
"I need you to be my lead singer for tonight." My heart beat quickened as I heard him say it. My dream flashed through my mind. I can't do it. Just tell him no. Tell him I can't do it. It's only going to ruin it for him. Fear overcame me instantly.
"I...I can't. I'm sorry, but...I just can't." I felt so guilty. My heart told me to follow my dream, but why follow a dream of hurt? The car screeched to a stop in front of his house.
"What do you mean you can't?!"
"I don't sing! I can't, and I won't!" I flew open the door, and got out slamming it hard behind me. Taking a few steps forward, I stopped , realizing it was not getting me anywhere. I folded my arms. My hair blew behind me in a warming breeze. Hurt, and sadness ran through my veins as I thought of what had happened. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Tears formed in the bottom of my eyes, and I feared they would come pouring out. I felt a strong arm lay across my back, and a hand rested on my shoulder causing me to tense. I knew it was Castiel, and didn't dare to look at him.
"I...I'm sorry. I should have asked you first." His voice came out sad, but sympathetic. To my regret, he saw me wipe tears from my eyes. The red-orange sun glared into my face as I realized it was going down. It was slightly awkward hearing him apologize, but I could tell he meant it.
"You think of me differently now, don't you?" He came in front of me, and his arm slid across my back as he layed his hand on my other shoulder. He went to speak, but cut himself off. I shook my head, biting my lip.
"You do." I said in disbelief. Though why should I be so astonished? I made myself out to be someone I wasn't. All I wanted to do was run, and never let him see me like this again. His fingers ran across my face as he pushed hair out of my eyes. My chin was lifted by his gentle touch.
"I don't think differently of you at all. I still need you just as much as I did before." He sounded so convincing, but it felt like a lie. Why was I turning my back on him?
"Ok...I'll do it..." I already regretted it.
"Great. Let's go get you ready." A relieved grin spread across his face, and we both began walking towards his house.
"Crystal! I'm glad you came!" Rosayla came over to me, and embraced me in a friendly hug.
"Yeah...I didn't know you work with Castiel."
"Mhm, I'm going go get you ready to go with Castiel." She smiled, and began running a tape measure around me.
"What's there to get ready?" She turned me to the side.
"Your entire look!" She held a short, black dress up to me. It had a heart-shaped top, and a frilly skirt. Lace went up the neck, and down into tight sleeves, but the back was left open. It was an unbelievably gorgeous dress.
I glanced over my shoulder, to see Castiel push his hat down on his head, and leave.
"Where's he going?" I asked. Rosayla straightened my turned head.
"Let's just say you're not the only thing to prepare." She put my hands around the dress. "Go put this on."
I came out of the bathroom, pulling at the dress.
"It's really tight!" Rosayla batted my hands down, and fixed it.
"It's supposed to be. Now, let's go do your hair." We went back into the bathroom, and she stood me in front of a large mirror. I was glad tonight would be warmer, because people don't take no for an answer around here.
"Why curls?" I asked as Rosayla rolled my hair around a curling iron.
"They were Castiel's specific requests."
"He told you to make sure my hair was curled?" I hoped I didn't sound as surprised as I felt.
"Yep. Also to make sure your lipstick was red." She pulled the front of my hair back, and fastened it into a ponytail.
"How many people usually come?" I asked nervously.
"Quite a lot, actually." She turned me around, and began curling my bangs.
"Are you nervous?" She asked. I couldn't help but admit it.
"Terribly! I haven't sung since...since an awful event that took place in my life."
"Do you like to?" I let out a small laugh.
"My dream was to become a singer."
"Why not now?" She prodded.
"Because I can't. I can't sing. I'm going to ruin Castiel's popularity." It felt terrible to admit, but it was true.
"Wow, aren't you being a little hard on yourself?" She put red lipstick on me, and darkened my eyes with black mascara.
"Do I have any choice in this?" I grinned, and tried to relax.
"Sure. Gold or silver?"
"Silver." She put long silver earrings on me, with a matching necklace.
"Why did Castiel request I had my hair curled?" I knew how rare my chances of getting information were, so I had to take the opportunity while it was there.
"He's always liked curly hair on girls, and if you asked me, he seems to be into you."
"What does he say about me?"
"Not much, but he doesn't need to. Don't you notice the way he looks at you?"
"Not really." Rosayla was probably just crazy, and obsessed with boys.
She went out of the bathroom, and came back a few moments later with a pair of strappy, black heels, that looked to be about 4 inches.
"Do these fit you?" I sat down in a nearby chair, and put them on, amazed by how much I liked them. I stood up.
"Wow!"
"I look that good?" I asked smiling.
"What? I was just saying wow because I did such a good job." I laughed, and rolled my eyes. She obviously spent to much time around Castiel.
"I'm just joking. You're beautiful!" She laughed.
"All I needed was black lipstick, and I would have been fully Gothic." We both laughed until we heard the front door open.
"Well, I guess Castiel is back. Ready to show him what a good job I've done?" My smile faded, and I lowered my head.
"Eh, you go ahead." A small a small blush creep among my face.
"Crystal, are you blushing?" Rosayla tried to see my face, and broke out into an annoyingly funny giggle.
"Shh! Nooooo! I just am happy right here." I laughed. She could see right through me.
"You just don't want any of his flirtatious comments! I'm right, aren't I?" She gasped, as a bigger smile appeared over her face. "I'm right, aren't I?!"
She peered out of the corner of the wall, and began relaying everything to me as if I had asked her to.
"He took off his jacket...he sat on his couch...he grinned...he shook his head as he grinned...he, oh man!" She exclaimed. "He's thinking about you!" She squealed coming back around the corner.
"Shh! No he's not! He's just...thinking of something...funny." Man, I was an awful liar!
"I can't believe it! You're the first thing he thinks about when he comes in." Rosayla was talking way to loudly.
"Rosa! He's going to hear you!" She laughed.
"You are such a worry wart!" She went to leave, but came back. "Oh, and you can't hide in here forever." I heard her talking to Castiel, but couldn't get he courage to come out. Rosayla's last words flashed through my mind. I am so pathetic in everything I do! I slowly stepped out with my head down, holding the sides of my skirt, shyly. I lifted my eyes to see his own gazing into my face, and not with a grin; he had a wide smile across his lips. Suddenly, my legs seemed to freeze, and I stopped not knowing if they would go further.
"Just...just go ahead, and...make fun of me." His gaze remained fixed on me.
"What if I didn't want to." He said. I could see Rosayla laughing silently behind him with a hand over her mouth.
"Well then just say something." I exclaimed. A moment of silence passed when he looked at me again.
"You're beautiful." He said. A more serious expression appeared on his face. I went to speak, but no words came out. He laughed.
"You can just take it as a joke." He said as he stood and fixed his hat. "You ready to practice?" My head was spinning in all directions. I was so confused.
"...I've got to...send a text first." I pulled my phone out of my purse.
Hey, Auntie. I'm going to be home late tonight. Hanging with friends. :| See you later on tonight. Love you! :)
"Uhh...I guess I'm ready...Do you guys do covers or originals?" I asked.
"Both. Tonight we do covers." Castiel replied. Rosayla came over, and gave me a hug.
"You're going to do great." She said.
"Are you coming?" I asked.
"Of course! I'm their pianist."
"I never knew that!" My mouth broke into a wide smile. It would be way easier to relax with Rosa there.
"You little girls done squealing?" I smiled at him.
"Yeah. So where do we practice?"
"I've got a room back here." He motioned for me to follow him, and I suddenly realized what was happening. I was going to practice the songs with Castiel. My heart beat quickened as my smile slid off my face. I was becoming so tense that I jumped when Castiel shut the door behind us.
"You ever heard this song?" He threw lyrics down in front of me. It was Bring Me To Life by Evanescence.
"Yeah." I gulped thinking of the song. Headphones snapped onto my head. I narrowed my eyes at him as I pulled a curl out of my ear.
"Can you sing it?" He pulled a microphone in front of me.
"I guess...but, you want me to actually sing it?" Why was this happening to me? I went from cozying up on the couch watching TV to trying to sing in front of Castiel.
"Of course I want you to sing it! Now, go ahead."
"...Right now?" I was playing with my skirt uncontrollably.
"Duh!" He came over, and played the music. I loved the song, but wasn't enjoying it at the moment. The part came when I was supposed to sing, but when I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I looked at Castiel through sad eyes.
"I can't do this." I said, pulling the headphones off my head.
"Yes you can." He snapped them back on.
"Castiel, you don't understand, and you can't. I don't sing anymore."
"Who do you love most in your life?" I was taken back by the question. Confused, I gave him the answer.
"My parents." I said sadly, and looked down at the floor.
"Wouldn't you do anything for them?" Man, he was good at clutching the heart.
"...Anything." My eyebrows slanted upward in hurt. My words barely came out in a wisper.
"Then do this for them." His words hurt. The truth hurt.
"...Ok..." I said, and lifted my eyes to his. He restarted the music, and this time when I went to sing a perfect sound came out.
How can you see into my eyes like open doors? (Wake me up) Now that I know what I'm without (Wake me up) Bring me to life Frozen inside without your touch (Wake me up)
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become...
It felt so good to sing like that. Castiel grinned at me proudly.
"I don't think you need to practice." I smiled at him, and we stared at each other a few moments. Rosayla came bursting in causing us to both jump, and he awkwardly put his hands in his pockets.
"It's getting pretty late. You guys ready?" Castiel cleared his throat.
"Yeah." He handed me a paper. "Make sure you know these too."
My legs shook up and down uncontrollably as me, Castiel, and Rosa rode into town. I was so nervous. My eyes scanned the list of songs he gave me. Sure, I knew all of them, but with this many I would definitely be there a while. I laid a hand on my stomach that was now feeling uneasy, and Castiel parked the car.
"Why are we stopping here?" I asked.
"We like to walk to our spot. It's really pretty at night." Rosa replied. We walked a few minutes until we came to the town strip. All the buildings that were lined up on each side of the paved walkway were lit up in bright lights. People walked both ways carrying bags, and eating pastries. I hung my head back as we walked. Rosa was not mistaken when she said it was beautiful at night. The stars sparkled in the clear night sky. Rosa walked along the wide pavement on the side of Castiel, and I walked along his other. Everything felt perfect, even though I was walking towards a catastrophe. I caught Castiel sneak a glance at me beneath his hat, and I smiled back almost shyly. I was grateful Rosa wasn't noticing us as she stared at fashion buildings we passed. Before I could stop her, she would be gawking on how we're so perfect for each other. I rolled my eyes, and smiled to myself. A couple, sitting on a bench, smiled at me, and must of thought I wasn't single. Then my mind returned to singing, which made my stomach turn, and I saw Castiel's hand dangling beside him. I reached mine out to hold his, but clutched it back when he saw me. I looked down at the ground lost in my own thoughts. Suddenly, my heart skipped a beat as I felt Castiel's warm hand wrap around my own. I glanced into his straight face, and opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.
"Just to keep your nerves down." I pressed my lips back together, and nodded.
"Here we are!" Rosayla exclaimed. "Let's set up."
***
The moment had come. I was standing on stage with them as Rosa began playing the song. My heart pounded so hard I feared it would come out with my voice, and my palms felt like grease. I chewed the bottom of my lip, and glanced at Rosa worriedly. She mouthed words of encouragement to me, but I didn't read them. The skin on my face went pale when Castiel joined in, and I realized it was time for me to start. You can do this. You can do this. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes.
How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
My fear began to leave me, and I almost completely relaxed when I saw Castiel grinning at me. It wasn't so bad after all. Not as many people were here as Rosa said there would be, and suddenly, I though I could make it.
(Wake me up) Now that I know what I'm without (Wake me up) Bring me to life
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
More and more people gathered around me. Before I could stop it, my dream flashed though my mind. It looked as if a million people were watching me, and my smile faded. I suddenly didn't know if I had enough air to sing the last note. Everything began to spin around me causing me to grip the microphone tighter.
Frozen inside without your touch (Wake me up)
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become...
I gasped for breath after the last note. Glancing into the sky, I saw all the stars spin round and round. I couldn't catch my breath anymore, and my legs went numb crumbling me to the ground. Castiel's and Rosayla's worried face appeared over me as I looked out into space. My eyes automatically shut themselves, and I felt a strong arm wrap around my barely covered back, and upper legs, puling the frilly skirt close to me. I was held tight against a warm embrace, and my arm slid down falling limp as I barely came to the conclusion that I was moving. A hand pulled my arm back close to me, then everything went black.
***
Slowly, my eyelids fluttered open.
"Castiel, she's awake!" Rosa said happily. I was lying on one of the benches, now with Rosa and Castiel peering over me. My head throbbed in a pain I couldn't place. I thought back at all that had just happened. I had accepted an insane offer, wrecked Castiel's show, fainted, and was carried off stage by him. What a night. Throwing my legs off the bench, I sat up. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, which revealed 3 messages from Auntie, and it was 10:30. I must've only been out ten minutes at the most.I went to move, but cringed at a pain in my back. Castiel must have noticed, because he came over, and sat closely beside me.
"Let me see." He ordered. After hesistating, I leaned forward, and pulled my long curls over my shoulder.
"Just a nasty scratch." I reached my hand back to feel it because it felt to be more than what he said. My eyes squinted in pain. It was one hell of a scratch. I sighed. Why did I let Rosayla put me in this backless dress.
"Crystal, what happened back there?" Rosa asked. I stared at the ground in front of me.
"I don't want to talk about it." I said quietly. She was clearing out all the equipment so I figured the show was over.
"Really, you were doing so good, but then all of a sudden you just froze, and turned the entire show in the opposite direction, and you're not even going to tell us anything?"
"She doesn't want to talk about it!" Castiel growled. Tears swelled in my eyes, and with folded arms I stood to leave, but Castiel grabbed my skirt, and yanked it, pulling me back into the seat. I gave him a look that told him not to touch me. Rosa came over to me with eyes slanted upward.
"Crystal...I didn't mean..."
"Take me home." I demanded then turned my head to Castiel. "I want you to take me home." He was obviously aggravated by the demand, but stood up, and dug his keys out of his pocket. I stood, pulling my hair back over my shoulder because of the pain of my cut. With my head down, I walked to the car holding my folded arms. Castiel got in the drivers seat, and Rosa got in the back. He opened his mouth to say something, but when I turned my head away, he breathed out an angrily, and started the car.
***
Castiel stopped in front of my house, and without saying anything to either of them I got out, and slipped into my house. Hoping Auntie was already asleep, I kicked off the stupid four inch heels, and ran for my room. I caugh a glance of myself in the hallway mirror, and cursed the dark red lipstick. Slamming the door behind me, I fell face down into my pillows, and burst into tears. I always ruin everything. I ripped the ponytail out of my hair, and went to shred the dress of, but it was so tight I couldn't find the zipper. I sat back on the bed with my head in my hands, crying.
