Darcy and Jane left Asgard at 5 am much to Jane's horror. She complained loudly about being awoken so early, but after talking with Thor and later Loki, Darcy knew she had some apology baking to do. So while Jane grumpily went to sleep Darcy started cooking. First up blueberry and banana muffins then several trays of cookies, Thank Odin for her dads need to overdo everything because the kitchen had four ovens. She made cinnamon buns and French toast three different types of eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns and banana pancakes. She also made one triple chocolate cake with a whiskey chocolate ganache.
"Friday, please have Natasha come to the kitchen ten minutes after you notify her please demand everyone come to the kitchen as well. This is a code blue. Labs, offices and all escape routes locked until further notice unless I give the signal or there is an emergency as defined by Peppers emergency rules."
Darcy paced waiting for Natasha to show wondering if she would. Sure she had Friday cut off all escape routes but this was the Black Widow she could get out of Alcatraz in six inch heels. She didn't wait long before the woman in question casually strolled in. She spoke not one word only looked at Darcy with that damn infuriating eye brow lifted. Almost as if she knew what she thinking the other eyebrow rose to mock her, after several minutes of silence Darcy spoke.
"Ok listen, we don't have a lot of time before the rest of the Losers club gets here and I wanted to talk to you." Still Natasha remained silent. Darcy started to panic. What if she hated her now? What if she messed up one of the best friendships she ever had? Natasha had been like a cool older sister to her and she screwed it up. Unbeknownst to her she had said everything out loud. If she hadn't been having a panic attack she would have seen the rare expression of shock on the super spy's face. Natasha would not apologize it was not her way but she was prepared to argue her point until her dear friend forgave her. What she did not expect was for the girl to blurt out apologies and regret before bursting into tears and doubling over short of breath.
"Breathe Sestra just breathe. You and I we are fine. Like vodka and pickles we go together." Darcy looked up from the floor.
"Am I the vodka or the pickles?" Natasha simply raised her eyebrow.
"Right the pickle. Can I at least be a gherkin you know small and sweet just enough salt to keep you interested?" Natasha threw back her head and laughed her arms going around the girl she had come to think of as family.
"Oh no Tasha, you have to hurry."
"What is it?"
"The rest of the team is coming and I only made one Triple chocolate Darcy apology cake. Here take this run hide don't worry about me. I'll take the heat just go save yourself."
Natasha rolled her eyes and grabbed the cake from her friend putting it in a cake stand and clicking the cover in place before jumping onto the counter way to agile for someone holding a cake, and hiding it in the small cabinet above the fridge. Darcy stood up grabbed her spatula and prepared for the battle that was to come. When the others entered the kitchen warily moments after it was to an imposing Darcy holding the spatula like a sword with Natasha sitting deceptively calm behind her. Everyone knew what this meant. They were to listen to Darcy or Natasha would go all Black Widow on them.
"Kid thank God you're back. I was worried. Listen I appreciate what you're doing but I don't think I can talk to Captain Liar Pants right now."
"Dad I love you but right now I am not your daughter right now I am Darcy Elizabeth Lewis PR manager for the Avengers and Princess of Asgard and as such I order everyone to sit their asses down and eat. We'll talk after we enjoy a nice family breakfast." She pointed the spatula at Tony.
.
"You would swear you raised her Pep she's just like you, violent." He muttered under his breath to Pepper who only beamed at what she saw as high praise.
"Look Ms. Lewis, it's nice what you're trying to but…"
"It's Princess Darcy of Asgard to you Captain Dick for Brains. Now we can do this the easy way which means you get to eat fresh cinnamon buns; which don't think I don't know that you sneak out at 3 am to eat the leftovers when I make them. Or the hard way which means I tase you in the balls again this time on full power and you listen to our family meeting in a drooling puddle of agony on the floor. This is a family Steven Grant Rogers and we will discuss this now!" Steve nodded his head like a contrite child and sat down. Darcy rewarded his obedience by filling his plate with cinnamon buns.
"Damn doll I knew you something special when you tracked me down, but I haven't seen punk look like that since Carter tried to shoot him."
Steve gasped and turned toward the sound of the familiar voice. There was the man he had spent the last seven months searching the globe for leaning against the common room door like he belonged. He wanted to get up to go him but he hesitated looking at the small woman who was obviously in command. She gave him a small smile and a nod and he ran to his friend hugging him.
"What is the Manchurian Candidate doing here Darce? Back away from him Red October already killed my parents I will be damned if I let him take my daughter. Friday mark 15"
"Sorry sir that protocol has been overridden for the time being."
"Overridden who can, aww come on kid. He's a death bot you said it yourself."
"Alright sit down from this moment on its either ass kicking or lollipops and I'm fresh out of lollipops." Steve took one look at her face squeezed Bucky's shoulder and ran back to his seat. That girl was scary.
"Now eat!" Everyone ate silently each watching each other suspiciously but whenever the glares got to intense Darcy would smack the spatula down on the table hard and everyone would resume their eating.
"Now this is a family a weird dysfunctional family but my family none the less. You guys are all I have in this world and I won't let it be torn apart by Hydra. So we talk. I lost Bruce and Jarvis and I'm still getting to know Vision but I refuse to lose anyone else. I already apologized to Nat and I'll apologize to you to Sam. I know how hard it must have been to keep that secret. Whatever you did you would have ended up betraying a friend. Steve Tony is your friend and you used him you owe him an apology but I understand why you did it. You were stuck between helping one friend and lying to another I know how hard that can be. How you treated me since we met is a different story and you will be apologizing profusely."
"You tased me in the balls!" Steve protested hotly his ears red. It was still difficult to say things like balls in front of a lady.
"Yes, yes I did and you deserved it. Moving on, if you don't at least learn to tolerate me you will have to leave the tower. You don't have to like me but you will treat me with the respect I deserve or I will pull the Tony Starks daughter card and have you removed but Bucky will be staying so think on that really hard spandex. Dad do you remember what it was like to be held hostage to be forced to make weapons that you knew were going to kill innocents but you had to just to survive." Tony paled but nodded.
"Imagine that they had forced you to kill Uncle Rhodey took control of your suit and made you put a bullet in your friends head." Rhodey shivered and Tony nodded mutely but under the table he gripped Peppers hand hard. Pepper in automatic defense mode start crackling with fire.
"Pepper, you've got to calm down. Nobody is hurting Tony I promise. Pepper please!" Peppers eyes had taken on a fiery glow and the fork in her hand melted onto the table. Natasha nodded towards the fire extinguisher but Darcy shook her head. "Mom please" It was these words that brought Pepper out of her trance and smothered the fire building in her hands. Pepper instead got up Natasha on her heels and hugged the girl tightly kissing her head.
"I know it's hard but I am trying to fix this before things get out of control." Pepper nodded and sat next to Tony again squeezing his shaking hands.
"Look what they did to Pepper. They tried to make her a weapon turn the woman you love and my only real mother into a monster. Would you have forgiven her had she killed anyone? What happened to Bucky it wasn't right they tortured him like they did to you but for years dad years. Then they made him a passenger in his own mind and he had to watch as they used his body to kill. You think he isn't sorry for what he's done he is more sorry than you will ever know. He killed his little sister to did you know. Hydra wanted to make sure he had no links to his past. She was a nurse and mother and he murdered her and her children in their beds."
Bucky made a choked sound and fell to floor holding his head in agony tears sliding down his face. Steve ran to him pulling at his arms trying to keep him from ripping his hair out at the scalp. He looked directly at Tony.
"You hate me that's ok. I hate me to. I just want to take Hydra down for what they made me do to Becca. I want to wipe their programming then I'll go back on ice forever. I just don't want to be a weapon anymore." Darcy walked over to him patting his head softly and held out a cinnamon bun.
"Eat you're too skinny." This caused a gruff laugh to come from Bucky who swallowed the cinnamon bun whole, Darcy held out another one but made him get up to get it. She kept doing this moving closer and closer to the table until he was sitting a plate of food in front of him.
"Did you just lead him to the table like a stray dog?" Tony asked his voice bemused.
"How do you think I found him and got him into the tower" Darcy gave him a duh look that had everyone laughing breaking the tension in the room.
"All right fine Krypto can stay but we are finding his programming and wiping it out and Captain Underpants is responsible if he goes all Little Finger on us." Steve nodded even as he looked confused.
"Dude has no one shown you Game of Thrones. Come on guys you had one job! You need me Cap these yahoos will never teach you the important stuff. War and war and more war where's the beef, the evil of boys bands and the precious pipes of the late great Whitney Houston. Bucky Boo you will meet after dinner for your re-education. Captain Ball sack you are welcome to join."
"Tony I can't thank you enough and for what it's worth I am sorry. I'm glad Darcy confronted me I deserved everything. It was tearing me up not telling you. You and I were friends and I just didn't know how to tell you." Tony nodded his face tight but Darcy knew with time it would be ok.
"Now it's my turn to apologize. I have a friend who did terrible things the first from anger and jealously the second because he was brainwashed by someone more evil and more powerful than Hydra. I knew he was alive and ok but I didn't say anything because I saw the good in him just like I see the good in Bucky and I wanted to help but I realized I was making the same mistake as Steve. So I am sorry everyone but also Steve I'm sorry because I maybe should not have tased you so hard."
Thor had stood up. He and Jane had remained quiet they were only for moral support as far as they knew, but now Thor strode forward and bent so he could look Darcy in the eyes.
"Loki is alive"
"I'm so sorry Thor. I just wanted to give him a chance he seemed like he deserved one."
"Truly he lives and Father?"
"Your father went into the Odinsleep when he thought Loki had died. Loki has been impersonating him since. He was going to tell you after you and Jane wed. Odin had uhm drafted a marriage contract between you and I. Loki wanted you safely wed to Jane before he revealed himself but I couldn't lie anymore. Not after yelling at Steve when I was doing the same thing."
"That sounds like my father. I will not be swayed from Lady Jane. She holds my heart and soul in her hands and no other shall due. Excuse me but I must go. My brother and I have much to speak of. Man with the metal arm I look forward to welcoming you as a shield brother. Lady Darcy we shall speak of this betrayal again at a later date." He beckoned to Jane who sent Darcy a disapproving look and followed him out. Darcy signaled to Friday to let the security down.
"Fuck, I fucking screwed up"
Thor half dragged Jane to the Throne room once they arrived on Asgard, his stride was quick and his face a mask of fury. Loki took one look at his brother's face and knew Darcy had told him. He dismissed the guards and quickly put up a privacy spell. Thor let go of Jane's hand and walked forward his fist smashing into the imposter Odin's face. Odin/ Loki fell to the ground. Thor came at him again and Loki put his arms up in surrender. He was surprised when no blow came even more so when he felt his brother pull him into his arms nearly squeezing the life from him in a hug.
"Brother" That one word held a multitude of feelings that brought tears to Loki's eyes and he cried unashamedly glad to finally feel as if he had a true family again. Jane came crashing into both of them.
"Thank you for saving my life and my chance at happiness. I know Odin never approved of me and even though I don't like you lying or making Darcy an accomplice to your deceit I also know I owe you a debt brother." Loki nodded and picked up the small woman who his brother loved so dearly. He placed her gently on the Throne in his mother's chair and bowed.
"I beg you brother do not be angry with Darcy the fault lies with me. I was the one who deceived you. She only saw what she should not see and gave me a chance to prove myself. She is different the lady Darcy. She sees not God or mortal or even monster only the potential for goodness. I confess she saw in me what I have long since stopped seeing in myself."
Thor nodded his head thoughtfully. He was still very upset with Darcy for keeping this secret from him but he also saw her influence on his brother. He was less cocksure and more humble. He was earnest and when he spoke of Darcy his face lit like a blue flame. OH dear Frigga he loved her.
"Jane my brother and I have much to speak of perhaps you will take a moment to enjoy the observatory."
Jane who was not quite as dense to social ques as Darcy thought, at least when she wasn't sciencing, knew a dismissal when she heard one kissed Thor's lips and walked hurriedly away. It was after All a rare gift to see the stars from Asgard.
"You love her"
"My my brother never were one for subtly."
Thor shrugged knowing Loki was avoiding the question and just stared at him eyes unblinking.
"Fine damn it, I love her. My body burns for her and I worry that I would destroy the world just to hear her laugh but she loves that beast in that ghastly uniform that leaves nothing to the imagination no finesse that man. He stomps around like a bilgesnipe treats her horridly and yet she loves him."
"Are you in danger of reverting brother?"
"I wish I was sometimes Thor, but I cannot go back to who I was. Not when it will hurt her, take the smile from her face and the laughter from her eyes. If she had fallen in love with anyone else it would hurt less. The spangled man who took me down and will likely live eternally, anyone else I would just wait until they died and pursue her then. She'll likely be given the apple when father wakes. She will live an eternity but with the good captain if he ever pulls his head from his righteous ass and he will live just as long as she will. Funny isn't brother. All I wanted was to be king and now I am and I hate it. Now all I want is to be loved by her and I am but it is not the way I want. I am punished forever for my mistakes and they were many to love a woman who loves another. To be taunted for all time with what I cannot have. I hate the immortality I once loved."
Thor didn't speak he only listened and held his brother. Rang for food and drinks and later put him to bed finally being the big brother Loki deserved. He went to bed that night and held Jane for a long time. He imagined if his father was awake and forced him to marry Darcy, whom he loved like a sister. What a mess that would be married to the woman his brother loved and watching while the woman he loved grew old and died. He vowed that he would marry Jane two days hence. Nothing would stop him from making her an immortal goddess and his wife for all of eternity.
Chapter Management
"Fucking mother fucker" Darcy yelled as she hit the punching bag with all of her might getting angrier than necessary when all of her might barely moved the bag.
"He will forgive you, Clinton is stubborn it will take time but he will be back little sister." Darcy crumpled at Natasha's words. The tears she had been holding back since Clint had looked at her with betrayal finally fell.
"He's family Tasha and I hurt him. I didn't mean to but that doesn't make it right. Loki was brainwashed same as him he was forced that wasn't him doing that he's different. Full of mischief but so is Clint honestly they're made for each other."
At that moment Clint dropped from the vent and landed next to them. Tasha smirked.
"Listen kid, I forgive you and I'll give Loki a chance for you but if he steps out of line…" He made the international sign of throat slashing and Darcy nodded before throwing herself in his arms and squeezing him hard.
"You know if you hit the bag with the force you hugged people you would actually get the bag to move once in a while." Darcy snuggled deeper in his chest but took a moment to flip him off causing him to laugh.
"Name the place kid"
Darcy felt as if a weight had been lifted from her. Now if only Thor and Jane would speak to her. Tony received word from Thor that he and Jane were getting married the following day. It would be a small hand fasting ceremony on Asgard but they wanted to cement Jane's status as wife and Goddess before the real Odin woke from his Odinsleep. Darcy tried to keep the hurt from showing when she received no invitation but it was difficult. So it was no wonder that an hour after they received the news she found herself in the common kitchen cursing loudly.
"You treacherous bastard, yield, Damn you and your maker to the seven bowels of hell!"
Steve and Bucky who had been walking down the hall ran as they heard a crash that definitely sounded like breaking glass. They made it to the kitchen and traded confused glances. Darcy sat on the floor her clothes wet and shattered glass surrounded her. She had a few cuts and there were pickle remains splattered everywhere. Before they could process she spoke.
"So it turns out you can't tase a jar open." Steve opened his mouth to reply but found he had no words.
"Hey Buckyboo, you totes killed my grandparents right." Bucky swallowed hard and nodded. He knew this was too good to be true. Being invited into the tower treated like a human by the beautiful girl. This is where the other shoe dropped.
"So you owe me a boon." Bucky nodded and Steve's teeth clenched.
Darcy hopped up from the floor brushing off the excess glass and carefully walked back to the fridge, pulling out a jar of pickles.
"Open this and were square lifelong buds and I will owe you a boon."
Bucky's jaw dropped as he stared at her outstretched hand. Not waiting for him to get his bearings Darcy thrust the jar at him which he opened without thought still trying to figure out what the girl was playing at. She beamed at him.
"Yes Yes fuck you pickles. You grimy bitch I have penetrated you and ate your children!" She high fived a confused Barnes before giving him an appraising look that had Bucky scared.
So Buckyboo that arm is metal huh. You wanna join my army of bots. I'll start you off as a Sergeant because of your military background but you got work for anything else. You don't have a problem taking orders from General Stabby do you." Bucky looked at the bot that had snuck up on him the knives welded to his frame slicing his knees.
"Yeah I guess" He looked at Steve confused who just shrugged. Steve knew better than to protest he didn't want to get tased in the balls again so he wasn't going to say anything.
"Awesome I'll pick you up in your apartment in an hour." Darcy skipped away singing.
One hour later a bemused Steve watched as Bucky paced their apartment. A knock on the door had him running to open it.
"Sergeant your first assignment awaits in the common room. You have fifteen minutes. You will now address me as Supreme Empress Darcy. You will take your orders from me and General Stabby. Now on wards and upwards soldier."
Bucky snapped his feet together and followed her. Steve followed behind them wondering what mission the girl had come up with. He let out a bark of laughter as he saw the common room. Damn this girl was something else. He wished not for the first time he had not had his head in ass for so long when it came to Darcy. He felt a twinge of hurt that he had never been invited into her army but he knew why. He had behaved like an idiot. The common room was filled with Jars hundreds of them. Pickle jars and olive jars more jars than he could imagine. Bucky let out a chuckle then with a smirk and started opening the jars. Darcy chanting the entire his bot brothers whirring and whistling encouragement, it took less than six minutes.
When it was done Darcy cackled loudly and jumped into Bucky's arms planting a big kiss on his lips. Bucky nearly dropped her in his surprise before he licked the seam of her lips causing her to gasp in surprise.
"Uh yeah well there's that. Good job soldier. Friday please send everyone to the common room. I need to get rid of 137 jars of pickles asap."
"Hey Darcy, can I talk to you tonight please?"
"Fine but General Stabby supervises." Steve nodded his head pleased that at least she was willing to speak with him after he had treated her so badly.
"Hey doll, why'd you invite me to be part of your bot army and not Vision."
"Bucky, Bucky, Bucky Vision is captain of my army. Wanda is a private cause you know she's young so we gotta start her off slow."
"Empress Darcy, how did initiation of the new troop go?" Wanda asked as she walked into the room.
"Great! Who had six minutes?"
"I did, me me I win!" Barton dropped down from the ceiling knocking over two jars of olives.
"Dude watch the goods." Darcy told him while handing him a twenty. Seeing Darcy hand money to him Tony groaned as he walked in and handed Barton money as well.
"All right people the shelter won't take open jars so I'm going to need you guys to eat. Steve it would go a long way towards improving my opinion of you if you ate all the bread and butter pickles cus eww."
Steve smiled and dug in. Eating hadn't been a problem since the serum he was always at least a little hungry. Two hours later found nearly everyone passed out. Steve was the only person left sitting Bucky had just tapped out groaning as he inhaled the last jar of olives.
"Come on Steve, I'm counting on you only 4 more jars of pickles left unfortunately these are habanero pickles but I have faith in you."
Steve looked incredulous at the four jars she indicated, jars that had been previously hidden under the couch.
"You did that on purpose." He accused with a smile.
"You have no proof of that come on Captain America can do anything he sets his mind to. If you don't America will be sad and babies born all over the world will cry and won't know why."
Groaning Steve grabbed a jar dumping its contents into his mouth then nearly choking at the heat.
"Fuck"
"Every time Captain America swears a baby eagle dies and a virgin has unprotected premarital sex, the resulting child will be born with a lack of patriotism and color blind no longer able to see the colors of our glorious flag all because America's icon dropped the F bomb for shame Steven for shame." He flipped her off and kept eating.
He finished the last jar his face red tears streaming and his nose leaking but he did it. He looked up at Darcy holding the empty jar aloft his face triumphant at least until she snapped a picture with her phone.
"Ooh this one's going on Facebook hashtag Blair Witch and America's snot." Tony barked out a laugh from his position on the floor as Darcy left them to clean up.
"You're lucky that's all she did cap. My kids a little vindictive."
Two hours later had a still nauseous Steve knocked on Darcy's door. She opened it saying nothing and stepped aside allowing him to enter. Her apartment wasn't what he thought it would be. Her walls were painted in shades of blue making the white molding stand out. She had a few paintings hanging on the walls but mostly photos. Pictures of her and the team always smiling or laughing, he tried to find a picture of her childhood but there were none.
"Please have a seat." She indicated a chair. General Stabby loomed behind her. If a faceless robot could have an expression Steve would say Stabby's was disapproving
. He whirred and beeped slashing at his ankles repeatedly.
"So I guess I wanted to apologize and hope that we can be friends." Darcy said nothing only raised her eyebrow in a very Natasha like fashion.
"I've been an ass and I didn't mean to be it just kinda came out and then it was like every time I tried to take it back I just made it worse. I've always been bad when it comes to beautiful dames I mean women." He looked at her eyes filled with hope but her expression never changed.
"I'm sorry about what I said when we first met and about you being a child your not. You're actually pretty amazing. I guess I woke up and everything was different I knew how to be Captain America. I knew how to save the day but I never got a chance to be Steve once the serum kicked in and then I was on ice and the whole world changed and I was grieving." Steve looked at her again but her face was stoic as ever.
"I was just being stupid. I didn't want to make friends. I didn't want a family when the one I had died and you made it impossible for me to just be a team member. You made us a family and I hated you for it. I hated that I couldn't just wallow in self-pity that I had no one. Plus I wanted you from the first moment I saw you walk down that hall. The woman today are all bones but you." He shook his head a little a smile on his face.
"You looked like you walked out of a pinup from the 40s and I wasn't expecting such a visceral reaction to you. Then fucking Rumlow was saying all that shit but it was worse because he was just saying what I was thinking and I couldn't face you. I mean my mother would tan my hide if she had seen how I treated you. I'm really sorry about lying to Tony to the team."
"I forgive you for lying about Bucky that I can understand hell I did the same damn thing, but how you treated me that's going to take time. You made me feel stupid and insulted me denied my overtures of friendship and made assumptions on who I am without all the information. I looked up to you. Dad talked about you all the time and I was so nervous to meet my hero his hero and then you treated me like dirt. Basically called me a slut which by the way we call slut shaming, if a man were to sleep with 20 girls you would pat him on the back a woman has a perfectly natural an healthy sexual appetite and the world makes her a pariah. Do you know most rape victims will never report their assault because the majority of them will be accused of encouraging their predators? You're Captain Fucking America you are supposed to be better do better. The worst part is that I can see how good a man you are. See your soul filled with goodness and yet you treated me awfully. So I was left wondering what was so terribly wrong with me."
"Fuck Oh God Darcy. I am so very sorry. I fuck I didn't realize." She held out her hand.
"Hi I'm Darcy Lewis nice to meet you." Steve smiled brightly and shook her hand.
"Steve Rogers mam the pleasures all mine"
"Here have a cup of coffee Steve." Steve smiled taking the cup from her and taking gulp before spitting.
"Water" she asked a smirk on her face. Coughing and spluttering as his tongue and throat burned he shook his head no gasping out a choked "milk" before he succumbed to another coughing fit.
She walked to the refrigerator and poured him a glass slowly. Grabbing it from her hands he chugged it down only to realize seconds to late it to was laced with whatever hell fire she had put in the coffee.
"More" she asked an innocent smile on her face. He shook his head and stood up or tried to but he took the chair with him. She giggled when he turned his disapproving face on her. Holding the chair he pulled and finally freed himself only to realize he had left his pants on the seat and his boxers still coughing he bowed his head in defeat and excused himself. Darcy followed him out phone snapping pictures the entire time.
"That wasn't nice sestra" Natasha appeared beside her.
"No but it was necessary. He put me through hell and it's easy to say you're going to be nice I needed him to prove it besides if he wants to be my friend he needs to take a joke. Now I forgive him and if I got a gratuitous picture of America's finest ass well yay for me."
Natasha threw back her head and laughed squeezing the girl's shoulders.
If only Thor and Jane would forgive her Darcy's life would be perfect she thought as she hugged Natasha back.
Chapter Management
,
(Warning there is a past reference of abuse. It is not described in detail but it is referenced. If this triggers you please don't read. I hadn't intended to put anything like this in here but I guess real life bleeds in without you knowing. I don't want to hurt anyone so I'm just putting a warning. I promise this will have a happy ending and I will warn you all about things like this before hand.)
Tony received word from Thor after the hand fasting had taken place. Jane was now Dr. Jane Foster Odinson Goddess of the stars and science. Darcy cried both happy and sad tears. Happy because Jane deserved this more than anyone she had ever met and sad because she wasn't allowed to be there for her friend. They were taking an extended honeymoon across the nine realms and would be back in a month or two. Having Steve as a friend helped, who knew Captain America was such a troll. They had solidified their friendship when the day after the pickles and hot sauce incident Darcy woke up covered in feathers. That had started an all-out prank war between them, which led to the current situation both of them being summoned to Fury's office.
"Do you know why you both are here" Fury asked one pink eyebrow raised. Darcy shook her head and tried not to giggle she really did. Fury dropped a thick file on the desk in front of them.
"It has been three weeks since you two have made up and decided to be friends and you have almost blown up the tower once. You also created an evil sentient coffee machine that tried to take over the world and nearly blinded Hill."
"Hey in our defense Hill insulted Java's coffee and that set him off. It really wasn't our fault he decided that we were all uncultured peons that couldn't appreciate good coffee. Plus Steve did the Captainy thing and destroyed it so no harm except Hill but those cool Wakadan drugs healed the burns right up."
"You also glued Barton to the inside of the air vents. Painted the Iron Patriot suit purple with pink polka dots gave Barnes a confetti canon and released 38 kittens into the tower."
"Uncle Nicky it was a kill shelter what were supposed to do." Darcy pouted
"We paid for those cats and they did all get adopted plus we raised awareness of kill shelters in Manhattan." Steve immediately replied in his Captain America voice.
"You instated Pirate Friday and had all my agents show up in costume." He deadpanned.
"It's good for morale." Darcy squeaked.
"Dyed my eyebrows pink, tried to have owls deliver the mail only for them to start attacking everyone. You also convinced a group of kids that Harry Potter was real using classified Stark Tech modified into wands. Hired a clown to give out red balloons and scream we all float."
"Hey how was I to know that so many agents were scared of clowns and Dad. Plus that guy got a really big settlement."
"He also got PTSD and refuses to put on the clown costume again his therapist tells me he still dreams of Iron man trying to drop him from the tower. You also replaced the water in the sprinkles with paint then set fire to the lab so that the entire floor was running around looking like a box of skittles exploded." Fury regretted his words instantly because Darcy's eyes lit up like the fourth of July at his words and she looked at Steve who nodded and stared back silently communicating.
"You saran wrapped Tony's lab, took Falcons wings out for a joy ride and bought every pickle in New York for a pickle party that held up traffic for 4 hours. Replaced creamer with baileys and had several agents drunk by lunch time then you pierced Visions ears telling him Wanda would think him cooler and locked Ant man in a child's ant farm until he agreed to go giant and give you a piggy back ride. You booked a cellist to open a Death Metal concert where she was booed off the stage and covered in rotten fruit that had somehow been placed under each seat. Am I missing anything?"
"Hey that bitch broke Uncle Phil's heart she's lucky I didn't send her to a Gator's game dressed in Seminoles gear. They would have killed her Gators fans are nuts. We also may have had Agent Ward sent undercover to BDSM ring as a sub who likes his ball smashed"
Steve threw back his head and laughed. That had been her brilliant idea but Darcy had taken Skye under her wing and Grant kept breaking her heart.
Fury banged his head on his desk.
"We could be convinced to ease up on the pranks for a price…"
"SHIELD is not in the habit of negotiating with terrorist Darcy."
"Terrorist is such an ugly word. I prefer expert negotiator. Besides shouldn't you have heard from Uncle Phil by now."
"Kidnaping a federal agent." Fury gave her a hard look.
"It's not kidnapping its surprise adoption besides he knows where he is and is certainly free to go at any time. We simply disabled all communication devices until our demands are met."
"I'm going to regret this."
"First I want a badge and clearance. I mean I can hack you guys easily so I don't really need the clearance but it will allow me to carry Palpatine around legally. Also Steven requires his security detail be suspended. He's been out of the ice for years saving the world I think you can trust him to go for coffee. You will be dressing up for the annual Stark Halloween Party and you will eat a vegetable every now and then geez what are you a caveman. Lettuce won't kill you."
"Fine release Coulson"
"Oh he's free just eating lunch in the common room. I made roast beef I'll make sure he brings you a plate."
"Why do I put up with you again?"
"Because you love me and I send you cookies and if you didn't I would probably take over the world." She jumped up to give him a kiss on his cheek and skipped away leaving a goofy looking Captain America staring after her.
"Get outta my office Cap and wipe that smirk off your face I like her better than you." Steve saluted and followed the trail of glitter that Darcy had left behind her. He found her just as he suspected in the common room talking to Phil.
Once Phil left laden with food and cookies for Fury Steve leaned on the counter where Darcy sat.
"Hey Darce, were friends right and you forgive me for being a bastard when we first met right?"
"Of course Steve were best buds partners in crime, givers of Ulcers, why?"
"How come you never asked me to be in your bot army?" Darcy looked at him her face confused.
"Uh you're not a bot Steve."
"Neither is Bucky or Sam or Wanda."
"Bucky has a metal arm so that qualifies him. Sam can use metal wings so bot plus I had to because you know he was pissed about our joy ride."
"And Wanda"
"Duh chicks before dicks, besides Wanda's like my little sister of course I would include her."
"Wanda's older than you by a year and she taller than you by a foot."
"LITTLE SISTER STEVE LITTLE! I refuse to here otherwise. Bucky, Wanda and Vision needed to belong so I gave them a place to belong. A mission for fun plus Bucky's and Sam UST is the stuff of legends. I swear my lady parts cry just being in the same room as them."
"Your what does what! Wait what's UST and we are coming back to your lady parts later."
"That's what they all say Steven that's what they all say. Unresolved sexual tension, there's entire fandoms dedicated to that sexy ship."
"Darcy, doll English please."
"Ok old man river Bucky is hot for Sam's bod and there are several thousand individuals that play hide the mango to that very spankable image."
"But Sam's not gay is he?"
"Would it bother you if he was?"
"No of course not, I don't care about that he's my friend. I just didn't know."
"Well by the number of times he talks to my chest and accidentally brushes against me I would say he's bi. He's seriously got the heart eyes for frosty the bot man though."
"Well Bucky went down in the history books as a ladies man but it never said that he was also a man's man. Bucky would chase after anything that caught his eye."
"Well there you go. So we have to get them together so they can fall in love so they are in the bot army and have many missions that require them to be up close and personal. Like the stake out for the shelter I had them gather intel from a closet." She grinned like a maniac. "There is one position open in my army but its grunt work. A lot of heavy lifting and running lots of running think you can handle it?" Steve rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Okayy" With that Darcy grabbed her spatula and jumped on his back.
"Mush Steed mush. Hiyo silver away!"
She kicked him in his side. Steve laughed and ran as fast as he could making Darcy shriek and hold tighter. They ran to each Avenger demanding their presence for Pizza and movies. It was after their run well Steve's run that the team found them back in the common room having ordered pizza's and wings. Steve was sitting on the counter and Darcy was feeding Steve a carrot.
"So you finally let him join the army?" Bucky asked as he strolled into the room with a smirk. He walked behind Darcy his hands going around her waist. He placed a kiss on the top of her head causing Steve to growl.
"Well Buckyboo he's not a bot and since I promised Uncle Nicky I wouldn't build a unicorn bot I needed a noble Steve. You see what I did there Steed Steve." She cackled and Bucky rolled his eyes. Sam walked in and he too went to Darcy putting his arms around her shoulders and kissed the corner of her mouth. This put her between Steve's legs (not a bad place to be by the way) and surrounded by Bucky and Sam.
"I have either been a very good girl or a very bad girl to deserve being the cheese in this beautiful meat sandwich."
"Anytime Empress anytime your devoted army will gladly serve you and give you real riding lessons." Bucky and Sam leered at her causing Steve to pull her from their grasp onto the counter and into his lap.
"Aww kid come on no PDA in common areas you want to traumatize me."
She jumped down and ran to the middle of the couch claiming the comfiest spot for her own.
"Come on daddy before everyone else gets here to claim all the good seats."
"Coming" Tony, Sam and Bucky said at once. Causing Darcy to cackle Tony and Steve to turn red and Sam to run and Bucky to shrug and sit on the other side of Darcy. It was during the second Harry Potter movie that Tony's phone beeped. He opened and quickly passed it around to show the team several badly taken selfies of Thor and Jane during the wedding. Steve watched Darcy as she looked at the pictures then tried to covertly wipe her eyes.
"You know guys I'm pretty beat. I should head to bed I'll see you in the am." Ignoring the protest she went to her apartment and did not cry or at least not until she was in the shower and she could sob to her hearts content.
"You will have to talk to Thor about this Tony. His actions hurt her and I will not have it. God or not he won't make my baby cry again." Pepper yelled her eyes sparking red. Natasha shook her head in agreement.
"What she did was wrong keeping Loki's secret but she was trying to save him. To give him a second chance like she gave all of us." Steve said quietly. No one more than he appreciated Darcy's forgiving heart.
"I'll talk to Darce tomorrow." Tony told them before grabbing Peppers hand and leaving.
That night Steve walked past Darcy's door just to check on her but he wasn't the only one Bucky, Sam and Natasha and Vision were already there. Clint jumped from the vent next to Steve and faced the waiting quartet.
"She's asleep obviously cried herself that way. Her eyes are swollen and her face is still red. Her mirrors broken in the bathroom but I didn't see any wounds on her.' He reported.
"Блядь Blyad, ya yego ub'yu" Steve wasn't sure what Natasha had muttered but he was sure it wasn't good.
"Is this what I put you guys through? Wanting to kill a team mate so that she wouldn't be sad ever again, I'm sorry guys."
Bucky gave Sam a knowing look. Natasha actually smirked.
"We only wanted to beat you badly Steven. Perhaps you are feeling over protective of your rider. I hear most mounts are protective of those that tame them." Bucky guffawed loudly causing Natasha to smack him upside his head.
"The little one sleeps Yasha it will not do to disturb her hard earned slumber." Her voice was even calm but they all heard the underlining threat loud and clear. Wake her at your own peril.
The next day as Steve came back from training he heard shouting in the common room and ran towards the sound Bucky and Sam on his heels.
"I am 21 years old. I am not a child."
"You're acting like one. I'm your father and I said you're not going and that's final."
"I am a grown ass woman and I am going and that's final. You can't tell me what to do."
"You don't even know this kid. He wants to take you out bring him to the tower. I'll have the best dinner in Manhattan delivered."
"Yeah and Friday and your merry band of super soldiers will threaten him and spy no thanks."
"Jane didn't like this guy. She said he gave her a bad vibe."
"He saved my life and Jane's not here. She's gone to live her happily ever after without me."
"Guys what's going on?"
"Darcy thinks she's going on a date with that Ian kid the intern from London." Tony shouted throwing his hands up in frustration "You talk to her she's your kid to."
"I don't see why Darcy can't go on a date with the proper surveillance."
"Oh God not you to Pepper, please. How am I ever going to have a life?"
"Darcy honey, were not trying to punish you. Your father has enemies hell you have enemies were just trying to keep you safe."
"No you're trying to keep me a virgin forever! I want to get laid God dammit. Or should I just start bringing guys up to the tower and having Friday record for family movie night."
"Hey that's enough just because Jane hurt your feelings don't mean you can take it out on the rest of the family." Tony told her sharply.
"You're not my family you're barely my father. Where were you when my mother beat me for not being pretty enough told me I was useless. Where were you when her boyfriends decided that I was old enough to be taught a woman's place. You've been guarding me from the world when it was inside that house that I was hurt. Inside that house that I was touched and abused, where were you Tony? You can't treat me like glass now it's too late. I'm already broken."
She walked away not looking back when she heard her fathers anguished yell or when she heard the sound of glass breaking or fist hitting the walls. She didn't answer when Bucky and Sam banged on her door shouting at her to let them in. Ignored Clint when he came in through the vent and continued to get dress, slipping on a backless red silk dress. Eventually he left shaking his head sadly. Darcy just continued numb to the pain she has caused.
"That wasn't nice sestra."
"Yeah well neither was my childhood."
"That is not Tony's fault. He loved you more than his own life you know this."
"Maybe I don't want him to. Maybe I don't want him to love me. To give me everything as if I was deserving of it. My best friend didn't think I was worth going to her wedding and she's a Goddess now so who am I to argue with her. I knew Tasha I always knew that this life I built here wouldn't last. That one day you all would find out the truth of me and I would have to go. This way it's easier. He won't have to feel bad about his tainted daughter. When I get back from my date I'm going back to Marietta. That's where I belong." She turned her back on Natasha as she slipped on her heels. She nearly cried at the sight of them as she remembered her and Peppers mother daughter shopping trip.
"Take this at least. I will make sure they don't tail you but you will wear the bracelet." Darcy said nothing but she snapped the bracelet that contained her panic button and tracker on her wrist and walked out of the apartment not caring that she had left it open or that Natasha was still there.
She was ten minutes early but Ian was waiting his eyes widened in appreciation at the sight of her. Darcy hugged him tightly and led him to the dance floor. Twirling and swaying pressing her body against his suggestively. During the breaks she drank shots of tequila wanting nothing more than the oblivion that alcohol and anonymous sex can provide. She followed him to his car after kissing him deeply unable to push back the queasy feeling of betrayal in her stomach. Which was stupid she had no one to betray but try as she might she couldn't push Steve's smiling face from her mind. She was stupid Steve would never want her. Stupid tainted Darcy who was too loud to fat too short for anyone. Suddenly it was all to much all she wanted to do was to go home. Ian's groping was too aggressive too fast. There was no laughter in their date, no secret smiles or pranks. Her dad was right, fuck even Jane was right. Ian was a douche.
"Ian stop please I just I gotta call my dad real quick ok." He stopped but looked at her angrily. Oh yeah Darce he's a charmer should have let dad send him to Siberia.
"Dad, hey no I'm alright. I just I'm really sorry daddy. I didn't mean it. You're a great dad the best there is and I don't deserve you but I love you and I just wanna go home. Please daddy I just want to go home." The tears she held back all night fell.
"It's all right kid. I love you too you know that right kid. I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't there for you but daddy's coming ok. I'm going to bring you home kid to your family."
"Ok daddy I'm at Bemelmans Bar on the… What the hell." Ian had knocked the phone from her hand.
"Kid Kid! What's going on? Friday trace that call and get the team to assemble NOW!"
The last thing Tony heard before the phone disconnected was a man's voice "Hail Hydra"
