A/N: Sorry for the late update...a lot of work to do lately, and I'm sooo tired, and my self-editing skills took a toll from all this exhaustion. Anyway...
I have to give props to Chimalmaht. Your review made me laugh soooo hard. I'll never think of that part of the story the same again! Oh, if only Macavity could have a death like that! A little too morbid for a humor fic and a little too funny for a serious fic, but...maybe someday I'll find a place to put that idea.
That being said...this is the stretch to the end...I always get nervous when I get near the end of a story, even if I have it completely planned out...Thanks for the reviews! As a reward, you get to review some more!! ((smile))
Chapter eight
Demeter sat by herself, looking up at the coming storm. The clouds looked darker than they had in prior days, and she thought for sure the junkyard would be flooded in the next downpour. She thought of how muddy the ground would become—
Flash
A body in the mud.
No, no, not those thoughts again. Not the thoughts of the rain drowning out the screams—
Flash
A grave with no one to mourn it.
NO! She wouldn't be drawn back into that. It didn't happen. She imagined it—
Flash
Emotionless and passionate, dead and more alive than she had ever known anyone to be.
Demeter shook her head violently, hoping the thoughts would be erased from her mind.
"Hey…" Demeter turned to look at the Rum Tum Tugger. He seemed upset about something. He rarely came to her to talk of his own free will, especially when looking so somber. He knelt down by the queen. "Um…how are you doing?"
Demeter tried to blink out the haze that surrounded her mind. She had to focus on the Rum Tum Tugger, and at least try to act sane. "I…I could be…I'm fine." What kind of answer was that?
"Listen," he said, putting a paw to his mouth and rubbing his bottom lip in a nervous fashion. "Have you seen Mistoffelees lately?"
What an odd question. "About two days ago," she said. "Bombalurina saw him, too."
"Yeah, she told me," he said, nodding, looking around as though looking for said queen. "She didn't want me to ask you about that, but…I thought you might know something about it."
"It?" Demeter asked, shaking her head. He really should be more specific; she felt like she had recently been hit by a car. Surely she must have looked that way.
"That…that we can't really…find him."
Demeter looked at the tom as though he had just informed her the world was about to erupt. "What do you mean you can't find him?" she asked.
"Victoria is a nervous wreck," he said, leaning in close to tell her in secret, though she was sure everyone knew. "She keeps saying something about how he went to see Old Deuteronomy about Munkustrap, and never came back."
Flash
"You have to stop him from hurting--"
"No!" Demeter hit her head with her paws, trying to stop the thoughts from creeping back in. Why couldn't she just get rid of them? Why did they have to continue to haunt her?!
"Demeter! Demeter, stop!" She felt paws on her own paws, causing her to stop. She looked up at the golden eyes of the Rum Tum Tugger, who at first looked concerned, before replaced by anger. "What are you doing?!"
"Tu-Tu-Tugger," she tried to say, shaking her head. "I think I'm going crazy…"
"Tell me something new," he said, tossing her paws aside and frowning at the queen. "I came to you for help, Demeter, not so you can play out your little drama instead of taking a missing cat seriously!"
"…I…I didn't mean to…"
"Save it." The Rum Tum Tugger shook his head at the queen, before walking off.
Of course he would be upset. Mistoffelees was missing, and she couldn't be sure she knew why. To anyone else, she must have seemed so self-absorbed in her own problems. What was she doing? To herself? To the tribe? And what for? She could barely remember…
And she really was focusing on her own problems a lot…Everlasting Cat, what was wrong with her?
There was a paw on her wrist, and she was turned roughly to face her mate. Her fur began to stand on end as she looked at Munkustrap. He looked down at the queen with a mixture of concern and anger. "Did he hurt you?" he asked with a slight hiss to his voice.
"…what?"
"That tom? What was he doing talking to you? I saw the way he handled you!"
"Munkustrap…"
He glared off at the maned tom, who was still within eyesight. "I could kill him!"
"Munkustrap, you're hurting me!" The silver tabby looked back at the queen, before releasing her paw.
"I didn't mean to," he said, looking off. Demeter was about to vent some anger on the tom, to tell him off for being such a prick lately and that she wanted him to leave her alone for a while. But she became entranced at something happening with the tom's eyes. It seemed so subtle, but so clear at the same time. Were his eyes…changing color?
Before she could make sure she was seeing things straight, the tom closed his eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh. When he opened them again, they were green.
"Munkustrap," she said, testing the waters, "have you heard? Mistoffelees has gone missing."
"I told them not to tell you," he said quickly, with no sympathy or remorse. "You've been very fragile, lately."
Demeter frowned. Normally, she would be upset about not knowing something so important because of him, but now her emotions mingled into something she couldn't place, as she glared at the tom. "I don't need you to protect me against everything, Munkustrap."
The tom's eyes widened with curiosity. "Isn't that why you love me?" he asked. "Because I can protect you better than any other tom?"
"That's not the only reason," she said, looking him over as though he were insane. She wanted to ask what had happened to him. But she couldn't afford that argument with him. "Aren't you worried about him?"
"That Tugger?" he asked, frowning
"No! Mistoffelees!"
Munkustrap seemed to be looking for a good answer. "I'm sure it's probably nothing."
Demeter shook her head slightly, looking the tom over with disgust. "A good leader often instinctively knows to check out all possible harm that could come to his tribe." There was no avoiding the accusatory tone in her statement. She didn't want to hide it anymore. She was too tired to be afraid of his reaction.
Munkustrap looked very tired too. He seemed to collapse within himself, as his outer self visibly sulked. Silence sat between them as the queen eyed the tom, finding herself without empathy towards him. She watched as he absentmindedly put his paw over his shoulder. Demeter tilted her head to the side curiously, before unceremoniously removing the tom's paw from his shoulder, causing the tom to wince in pain. He had been concealing a wound that Demeter hadn't noticed before.
"Munkustrap…"
"It's nothing," he said, pulling away from her. "If it concerns you what happened to Mistoffelees, I'll go out and look for him." He turned swiftly, ready to walk away.
"Don't you think you should take someone with you?" Demeter asked. The tom stopped, staying still for a moment, and Demeter could feel the displeasure in that suggestion emanating from him. Then he turned, his face failing to try and express any other feeling than his annoyance with her.
"Excuse me?"
"I think you should take some back-up. Two cats or more. You never know…" Demeter looked away from the tom, her thoughts drifting to things she wished to purge from her mind. "You never know what can happen, after all."
There was silence between them again. The queen took in a deep breath, keeping in so many thoughts and feelings that it felt as though her body were shutting down from overload. "Demeter…" She looked up to the tom, who had a hint of desperation in his voice. "This place is too much for you."
Demeter furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"
"You're always so unhappy. Come with me, away from here. I never see you happy anymore."
Demeter felt her head lull to the side at the thought. It was so draining to even think about leaving. She had something, something, something that was so important to do here. And while she longed to remember it, she was too frightened of the memories it brought with it. "No, Munkustrap," she said plainly. "This is my family, I have to be here for them."
"For what?" he asked, the sudden sharpness in his voice causing her to start. He looked to her apologetically, before letting out a small huff of pent up annoyance. "Why can't things be like they were before?" he asked, more to himself than to her. With that, he got up and walked off.
Momentarily grateful to be alone, Demeter walked over to an old couch cushion, turned three times, then made herself into a comfy ball. Rest. She just needed rest, right?
Something caught her attention from around the corner. Demeter turned, staring intensely at whatever just moved. But there didn't seem to be anything there, so she let out a sigh, and looked forward again—
--To see a half-corporeal Munkustrap sitting in a corner on a wooden box.
Her jaw dropped momentarily as she looked at him, and he looked back, with curious eyes. Probably wondering what she was doing. Probably wondering why she was taking so long to do what he had asked of her. Or maybe just waiting for her to speak. If she could only find words…
"I…I'm dreaming," she managed to say.
"No," he said gently.
"You're not here."
"Yes, I am."
"You're not real."
"I'm right here."
"No!" Demeter cried. "I needed you, and you weren't there! I'm just…going insane. Everyone expected this; everyone can't be wrong, right? That's the real Munkustrap. He may be acting a little weird, but at least I know he's there!" Demeter let out a laugh as she put a paw over half her face. This was unbelievable. She was doing it again, right? Right? "Everyone's going to hear me talking to myself."
"There's no one else here," Munkustrap said monotonously.
"Of course there isn't," Demeter reasoned, getting up and pacing back and forth, looking anywhere than at the tom she was talking to…or not talking to…she didn't remember what she chose to believe. "There isn't anybody here. That's the only time you appear, right? You're like…I don't know, maybe you're a manifestation of my conscience trying to tell me something. I've seen a couple of human shows! I know something about psychology."
"Human psychology," he said.
"What?"
"You're a cat; it might not work the same."
…Well, the imaginary creature had a point. "Still…I've just been torturing myself for nothing. You're not really dead. I'm not really here talking to myself…well, I am, but only because I think I see you…" Demeter let out a cross between a whine and a growl, as the emotions she had tried so hard to tame began to rise in her again. She turned to the tom, eyes glistening with tears she didn't dare shed. "Where were you?! I needed you! To tell me I'm not crazy and that everything would be alright! And you weren't there!"
"You didn't want to see me anymore," Munkustrap explained. "So you couldn't. As simple as that. But I was there for you."
Demeter stopped, taking in the tom, frustrated and confused. "You're a figment of my imagination," she said, putting her paws to her head. "Not really there, just taking the doubts in my mind and manifesting them into something that seems real to me, which is you, so I can be comforted by it, right?" She stepped a little forward, needing him to prove her wrong. "Right?!"
"Mistoffelees is dead," Munkustrap said simply, making Demeter stop and stare in bewilderment. "I think you could sense it. That's probably why you can see me now – because you can't trust anything Macavity is saying to you."
Demeter felt panic begin to rise up her spine. Dead? As in, dead like her love? As in she would have to bury another cat because of Macavity? She looked at her paws…she didn't want to see them muddy ever again. She thought her legs would give up from under her at the thought of her tribe being extinguished one by one. "If…if he's dead," she reasoned, "then why can't I see him?"
"Well, first, who would you rather see, me or him?" The queen choked back a laugh. It was wildly inappropriate, considering how both parties were dead, but she needed something to be funny right then. And the simplicity of the answer, and how many ways she could counter with a joke, made her wish it were a laughing matter. "Secondly, Mistoffelees is at peace with his death. And since I'm here to stop Macavity, there's no reason he should be too. He's done what he could to protect his loved ones before his death. So he's at the Heaviside, while I stay here…unable to go back until I know you and the others are safe."
The queen stared for a while. How she had been acting these past few days…because she was so weak against Macavity that he convinced her she wasn't seeing things clearly. She had pushed Mistoffelees aside because she was angry that he didn't see what she needed him to see when she came back muddy. She needed him to be able to see the impossible.
And when he finally did…he came to her! For help? To help her? She pushed him away, right into Macavity's claws. He knew too much, and that monster killed him.
His death should never have happened.
It felt as though a weight had been placed in her stomach. "…if I had…if I had stopped him when I had the chance…" she said softly. "Going to the tribe or something? I don't know…Macavity wouldn't hurt me like that, I don't think…but the others…I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to stop him without the others getting in the way. Again." Her stomach flipped at the admission of her own guilt. Why did it have to be Mistoffelees? She wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone…but Mistoffelees?
Demeter looked up to Munkustrap. "They…do they know he's dead?"
"He was taken to an animal hospital by the people in the car who hit him, but it was too late. His owners were contacted, and they made arrangements to have him buried at a pet cemetery."
"I thought you said Macavity killed him…"
"How do you think he got in front of that car?"
Demeter took in a few deep breaths, realizing just how much danger she and the rest of the tribe were in. Even when they find out what happened to Mistoffelees, no one would ever guess it was murder.
"Munkustrap, I'm scared…" But the tom wasn't there anymore.
Demeter's mouth lay half open at the thought. He left her again? When she needed him? Oh, sure, he said she wasn't alone, but she was beginning to not believe that anymore!
She should be scared, talking to herself in the junkyard like that! What if someone had seen her?! Without him there, everything felt like it was falling right back into the stupor she had been in for the past few days. And she didn't know if she could survive it this time.
Then Demeter saw why Munkustrap had disappeared. Victoria was walking stiffly towards the gathering area in the junkyard, her eyes bloodshot, her paws clasped tightly in front of her. Though tempted to run up to the queen and ask her what was wrong, Demeter knew. And she knew what the white queen was going to do. And so, she let her walk past.
The gold and black queen wanted to forego the chaos and heartbreak of the news Victoria brought to the junkyard– she had lived it enough in her own personal grieving. So she curled up on the cushion she had been on earlier, closing her eyes and allowing her ears to fall back against her head, preparing for the worst.
But though she had her paws over her ears, she could still hear the cry of one of the cats - she wasn't sure which, or if it were more than one - as they screamed out in agony over hearing Mistoffelees was dead.
Demeter sank into a tighter ball, trying to escape from the noise. But surrounded by her own darkness, she suddenly felt a twinge of hatred. Not for Macavity, but for herself! She should hear what her weakness of mind brought to the tribe.
Though shaken, the queen forced herself to get up.
It was time to stop Macavity.
