A full month had passed since Jacob and Cady met at the Pony. In that month, nearly zero encounters had occurred between them. Other than a couple emails about work – with the utmost professionalism – they hadn't spoken directly.
Cady stood before Jacob in his office at the casino for the first time since their last anger-filled encounter. She had even made an appointment, trying to make this encounter as efficient as possible. She was handing him a vacation request for a week off work.
He was opening the vacation request and scanning over it silently while Cady stood there silently.
"Where are you headed?" he asked distantly.
"San Diego. I could use a little sun and distance to clear my head."
Jacob's eyes lingered on hers, knowing full well the reason was him. An image flashed in his mind, one of the very first time Cady ever spent the night at his house. They'd been sleeping together for quite some time, but it wasn't a level of vulnerability he had reached yet. It was always slow with him – inch by painstaking inch – as he slowly let Cady bleed into him like ink on paper. But this time, as she prepared to go home as usual, he had gripped her eyes and told her there was no need to go. They'd gone outside on the back porch, enjoying the night, before climbing back into his bed to let her fall asleep resting against him.
It had been the first time in years another person had shared his bed. Jacob laid awake for hours that night, just holding her, just trying to get used to the feeling of her bare skin against his. Vulnerability wasn't a sensation he welcomed, but this was different somehow. For once he preferred the discomfort of being vulnerable over the comfort of being alone.
Dropping his gaze, he realized he allowed his eyes to linger too long. Jacob read over the dates and pulled up his calendar. He adjusted the lapels of his jacket. "You aren't interviewing for jobs in other cities, are you?" he joked distractedly, as if he was trying to break the tension.
Cady busied herself with an artifact on his desk. At her silence he looked up at her suspiciously.
"Cady…"
She met his eyes apologetically. The answer was in her eyes. He stared back at her in what she recognized as genuinely stunned silence, something she wasn't accustomed to seeing on him.
"I'd help you find my replacement," Cady said quickly. "And train them on the specifics of the job. There'd be plenty of notice. In the meantime, Mandy can take over. She shows-"
"Real initiative. Yeah, I got it." He tapped his fingers against the desk in frustration. "I don't want a replacement."
Cady could see he was mad. She wished she could tell him what he wanted to hear, but that just wasn't possible. "That's not up to you, Jacob."
"Clearly." Jacob stood up and walked over to the window, looking out with his hands on his hips. He was processing this information unhappily. Cady, leaving Absaroka County for good. Leaving him for good. His previous assessment was correct, she truly did mean it when she said they had been together for the last time. A hand came up to stroke his goatee.
"You told me I could rely on you. That I could count on our professional relationship. Funny, I'm usually better at sniffing out a lie than that," he said with a frown.
His cold tone hit her hard. "I wasn't lying," Cady shot back. "I didn't know I wanted to leave then. But now… I need to. For myself. There's nothing keeping me here. My dad doesn't need me anymore, and the legal aid has grown and can be passed on." Her eyes softened as he turned to her looking bruised. "I need to get over you, and I'll never do that here."
"Seems like an extreme way to solve a problem."
"To you, maybe. Please approve this vacation."
"You do realize what you're asking me to do? Any job you interview for you'll get. I'd be signing off for you to leave."
"If you care about me at all you won't stop me from going. This isn't an ultimatum or some way to manipulate you. Can we please just do this one thing without arguing?" she pleaded. "I just want to leave Absaroka County. It was always the plan before we… it was always the plan before a lot of things."
His dark eyes held hers. This caused a shiver to run down her spine as she willed herself to look away but couldn't quite manage it. He dropped his eyes first to the request in front of him, his fingers toying with the pen in his hand.
"Can I change your mind?"
"No," she said. "Even if I stayed, I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have."
He held her gaze silently. "Okay," he said solemnly.
Clicking the pen, he leaned over and signed the vacation request, knowing it was his only option. He held the paper out to her, their fingers brushing as Cady grasped it. She felt a shock where her fingertips touched his, and he kept his grip on the paper, not yet allowing her to take it.
"Is this the last time we're going to see each other?" he said quietly.
"I don't know," she said. "I think… that I hope so."
A bullet through his chest would have hurt less. He released his grip on the paper and allowed her take it.
Shaking his head, he said, "You have no idea. The effect you can have."
Cady wished she could tell him how ironic that was, the effect he had on her. Desperately, she dreamed of him at all hours of the night, but what did that matter?
Sitting at a bar in sunny San Diego, Cady was surrounded by that magical sound of many people talking all at once. How could every person there have so much to say at the same time?
Cady was trying to be happy, she really was. After all, she was in San Diego, and had spent the day basking in the sun at the beach. She had even gone to her job interview, and to her surprise, was offered the position of the spot.
But a realization hit her and she couldn't so much as crack a smile. The only person she wanted to tell was Jacob, and she couldn't. She couldn't possibly expect him to be happy for her. It meant their separation was not only real, but permanent and irreversible.
As Cady sat at the bar, attempting not to look as miserable as she felt, a man sat next to her. "You look like you could use a drink," he said. Cady looked up and took him in. His hair was cropped short and his face was tanned.
"Yeah, I could use one," she said. He signaled the bartender. "Bourbon. Crown Royal, if they have it."
The nameless man got the attention of the bartender and ordered her drink. Upon its arrival she took it, relishing the burn in her throat. The man nodded in approval, smiling at her provocatively. "A girl who can handle her liquor. I like it. Let me guess, you're an out-of-towner."
"You're good," she said. She peered back at him. "Marine Corps?"
He chuckled. "You're good," he parroted back. "How'd you tell?"
"Your tan lines and haircut are dead giveaways, coupled with the fact that there's a Marine base nearby."
"And here I thought it was just a lucky guess. Aaron," he said, extending a hand.
Cady looked down at it. This guy was clearly a flirt. She grasped his hand and shook it anyways. "Cady."
"So tell me, Cady. What's a pretty girl like you doing looking so glum in a bar on a Saturday night?"
She took another burning gulp. "Celebrating a job offer."
He leaned in with a sly smile on his face. "If we go back to your hotel, we can celebrate together."
Cady parted her lips to politely decline his advance, but something stopped her. He was shamelessly making a pass at her, she knew. But there was a voice in the back of her head, one she couldn't tune out. Was this the way to get over Jacob? Replace his arms with another's?
Her mouth went dry. She didn't say a word, she only nodded and finished her drink. He put a couple dollars on the bar and followed her out to the sidewalk.
One second, they were standing out there in the dark, looking at each other expectantly in the neon glow of the bar sign, and the next his lips were upon hers.
She tried kissing him back, but she hated the feeling of them against hers. She hated it. She hated the way he shoved his slimy tongue in her mouth, the way his sweat was rubbing across her face, the way it made her wish she was experiencing one of Jacob's kisses. The ones that were soft like summer rain.
Cady tried stepping back, but he took it as a chance to press closer. She wanted it to end. Putting her hands on his chest, she forced him back. "Stop! Just… stop."
"Sorry…" he said. "I didn't know."
Without answering him, she turned and walked briskly in the other direction. It wasn't the way to her hotel, but she would walk around the block. She just didn't want to see his face for another second. Her hands were shaking, so she shoved them into her pockets of her jacket roughly as she walked, trying not to let herself think about it too much. Or think about Jacob too much.
It was a lost cause though, because her skin was crawling and she was frustrated and angry, and only wanted to feel his arms around her. Only Jacob knew how to hold her, how to touch her, how to keep her. She imagined him walking beside her, even taking her hand and squeezing it, even though that wasn't something Jacob would ever do. Not in public, anyways.
Cady pulled out her phone and looked at her only picture of Jacob again. Her chest tightened as she imagined Jacob doing the same thing she had just done. She imagined Jacob in another woman's arms, Jacob making love to someone else. The need to hear his voice overwhelmed her, and she dialed his number as she walked down the dark street.
The voice of the man she craved for came through the speaker. She closed her eyes and took in its low rumble. "This is Jacob Nighthorse," it said. "Leave a message." A dial tone beeped, and the voicemail was running.
"Hey, Jacob. Um, here I am leaving you another message, I guess. This one will be better than the last, I promise." She chuckled half-heartedly at the memory, or lack of memory, of her previous attempt at a message. "Anyways, I just wanted to call and tell you… I'm leaving Durant. For good. I got the job down here in San Diego. You were right, they loved me." She sucked in a deep breath.
"I just… need to get out of that town. I'll be flying back to put my house up for sale and wrap up my ongoing cases, but after that-" Her voice cracked and tears welled in her eyes. She was glad he couldn't see. "Listen… I don't want to be mad anymore." As hard as she tried, she knew her voice betrayed that she was on the verge of tears. "Let's just be glad we had some time to spend together. There's no need to watch the bridges that we're burning."
