Chapter Eight: Begin Again
Her fingers graced the button with a light, pinging sound echoing throughout the cavern. Instantly, the shadows around her grew, stretching beyond sight and devouring the cave. In a flash, the shadows turned to white, dumping Frisk in an expanse of nothingness, her body hovering. She was frightened for a few moments, but deep down, her memories reminded her that there was nothing to be afraid of, that the process would go as normal.
The voice's presence was still there, always in her mind. Frisk, now waiting for the world to RESET, decided she might as well ask the voice who it was anyway – she had never made the effort to ask it.
"Who are you?" she asked, her voice echoing through the void of time and space.
This time, her voice came loud and clear, free from the confines of her mind for a few moments.
"Oh, right, you forgot who I am. Such a shame," it sighed. Frisk identified the voice as female now, slightly higher pitched and more harsh than hers. "Search those new memories of those and those nightmares you had not long ago. The answer will come to you." The way she spoke made Frisk uneasy, as if the voice was planning something. She wracked her brains as told, yet the name still did not come to her.
Although, she did remember who she was: the epitome of human evil. But that didn't come as a surprise to Frisk, she already had a feeling she was something dreadful. Not only that, but she remembered that in every RESET, every play through, she had always been there in the corners of her mind, egging her on and making her do things she would never normally do. The voice laughed at her reaction, clearly amused.
"Being frightened of me by this point would be pointless – I'm as much of a part of you as your own soul. Forever inseparable, you and I. Like I told you before, we're not so different. We've slaughtered just as many monsters as one another, held that very same knife in our hands. How romantic," the voice drawled on, getting caught up in her own monologue. Frisk tensed up at the malice ringing in her tone.
Frisk then noticed the whiteness around her shimmer and rippling like waves.
"Any who, looks like the fuzz is clearing. Let's see if you can actually do it this time, huh? Free everyone? You know I will still win in the end, no matter how 'good' you try to be. Why do you always insist on doing things the hard way?"
The whiteness rippled more violently, it's light increasing, prompting Frisk to shield her eyes. A hum filled the air, increasing rapidly in intensity to the point where in rung in her ears in a continuous tone. Then suddenly, she felt all knowing fade from her mind as her eyes fell closed, throwing her into a sea of darkness.
Her vision was blurry due to the pain pounding in her head. It took a few minutes to regain her composure and pull her aching body into a sitting position. Tears still dripped down her cheeks, though they were at a slower pace now. Wiping tears and snot away with her sleeve, she tried to compose herself.
She always found herself crying when she awoke from a RESET.
She stared at the space before her, finding that a bed of buttercups had cushioned her fall. A number of them were crushed due to the weight of her body. She reached a small hand to her head, finding that a few stray petals had become entangled in her locks of brown hair. She picked them out as she turned her attention above.
[Well, have fun while it lasts.]
Frisk pushed herself to her feet much quicker this time, though she still stumbled some. Dusting down her sweater, she stooped down and picked up a stick, out of tradition. Memories of this place swum in and out of her mind now, giving her plenty of indications of what to do now.
She flinched at the memories, her entire body twitching for a moment. She reminded herself that things will not end up like that, never again. Yet despite her feeble encouragement, she was still unsure of her abilities.
She shouldered her sins as best as she could, holding back pangs of immense guilt as she stepped onwards, trying to steady her breath. She abruptly stopped after having only taken a couple steps.
Foreboding came to her now as she wondered if she should even go on. After everything she had done, she had no right to stand in the presence of her once friends. She wondered if that time before was the only time she had made an effort to spare everyone. She shuddered at the thought.
"We're going to save them," she uttered under her breath repeatedly as she pushed herself onwards.
Boots clunking on the rocky ground, she passed through the stone pillars and into the next cave, her pace slowing as she recalled what happened next. Her eyes settled on the grove of green sprouting from the cracks in the ground, gazing at the flower being tossed gently by the draught.
"Howdy!" He called out to her, face shimmering with mock. He hadn't even bothered with the facade this time. Frisk then recalled that he only ever introduced himself like that after a TRUE RESET. She was really going to have to get used to these new-found memories. Although most of her wished they were memories of niceties, not murder.
"So you're really going to go for the Pacifist route this time?" He sneered, leaning backwards on his stem as if he were disgusted. "Guess the events of the previous timeline really got to you, heh." Frisk narrowed her eyes even tighter as she waited for him to shut up. She was currently fighting back her desire to smack him with the stick she was holding as that would be going against her pacifistic goals.
"You made me hurt mom," she uttered, not that it mattered since Flowey simply snorted humorously.
"And I'll kill her myself this time if you take too long. A week at most should do before I'll start killing again, plenty of time to be all sentimental about meaningless things."
"And don't lie; you loved the thrill of the kill."
Frisk took a number of steps past Flowey, turning her back to him. She could feel his sly gaze burning into her back like two hot embers. He chuckled lowly.
"I'll be watching," he trilled as Frisk headed towards the end of the cavern and into the next. She was jumping the gun here; usually she would humour and chat with Flowey before progressing. He laughed as she left the Grove behind, flexing her fists.
[I'm going to miss that] Mused the voice sarcastically. [He gets so clingy to his bestie.] Her voice was distant, not aiming for control of Frisk's mind for the time being.
Mere moments later, Frisk noticed Toriel emerge from the murky darkness, quick to see the small human. Gasping dramatically, she rushed over, kneeling down to Frisk's level. Frisk bit her lip as a feeling washed over her - like she had just seen a ghost. She valiantly fought the urge to cry and hug her mother close.
She knew Toriel would not remember her.
"My child!" She exclaimed, placing a fuzzy hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?" Frisk hadn't composed herself enough yet to speak so she simply nodded. Toriel sighed expansively before backing away from her. That wonderful kindness glimmered in her copper eyes as she went on. "You must be terribly frightened. Come, I shall guide you through the catacombs."
Dragging her feet a little, Frisk fell into step behind Toriel, trying her hardest to reassure herself for the thousandth time that Toriel would live this time. It seemed like such an impossible feat to Frisk yet deep, deep down, she was determined that she'd be able to do it.
Toriel diligently led the small human through the winding, trap filled labyrinth that was the Ruins with ease, having found that Frisk was rather adept at all the puzzles. Frisk would often gaze up at Toriel with a cheery, relief smile gracing her lips. Toriel returned her smile just as warmly.
Frisk found herself waiting once again, for the 41st time, in that long corridor with the crumbling marble pillars, awaiting Toriel's return. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she tried to come up with something to keep herself occupied. Closing her eyes with a trembling sigh, she occupied her mind with thoughts of how to go about this.
She wanted to stay with Toriel for another three months, regain all those memories they had lost in the RESET. Yet, according to Flowey, he would only give her a week before he would start slaughtering all the monsters in the Ruins once more.
So the real question was how was she going to get past Toriel? She had gotten past her before but all the times she remembered involved killing her or brushing her aside. The only fairly decent method she could remember was simply pestering her about leaving the Ruins and following her down to the basement. There, they would engage in battle and Frisk would spare Toriel. That only happened thrice, according to the reels in her mind.
[It's up to you what you do] The voice reminded her. [Killing her works better for me but since I win either way…? You know, just do whatever your little soul pleases.]
Suddenly, Frisk sprung to her feet, the action being completely against her own whims. She panicked somewhat, trying to flex her hands to assure that she had regained control of her body. However, they did not respond. Instead, she began to move towards the entrance to the next cavern, entirely against her consent.
[I'm not waiting again.]
Frisk felt the control flow back into her veins as she came to a stop, debating whether or not she should go back to the pillar or not. The voice muttered something about knowing the way anyway and that sitting around would waste unnecessary time. Almost against her will, Frisk gave in and guiltily slinked past an inquisitive Froggit towards the ever-present piles of crinkly leaves.
She did not want to disobey Toriel but it was not like she hadn't done it before.
Yet the guilt only grew as she traversed the familiar puzzled halls of the Ruins, facing off against the same monsters.
She was overjoyed to meet Napstablook again, so much so that she startled him by attempting to hug him. The voice kindly reminded her that [he's a damn ghost stop trying to hug him]. But, unlike every other time she could recall, she actually managed to convince the ghost to tag along with her on the way to Toriel's home. They did not speak to one another along the way, but Frisk could sense that Blooky had lightened up a little and frankly so did she.
As soon as the ghost saw Toriel however, he muttered a string of stuttered apologies and disappeared before the boss monster saw him. Frisk was upset by his disappearance but she didn't have much time to grieve before Toriel was fawning over her, checking to make sure she had not been injured, reminding her sternly that she had told her to wait. But all the harshness was soon washed from her tone as she backed away from the girl, dusting down her tunic.
"Well, I'm glad that you are alright, practically unscathed," she said with a meek smile. With that, she led Frisk inside her cosy home. The human had to hold back tears as she took a deep breath, taking in the sweet scent of cinnamon and butterscotch. She was introduced to her room again, giggling as Toriel ruffled her locks of messy brown hair. She went away to tend to the pie thus leaving Frisk to explore on her own.
Her heart sunk in her chest as Toriel's form retreated into the kitchen. Tearing her eyes away, Frisk headed into her room, closing the door gently behind her. She stood there for a few moments, taking in the familiar sights of the place. With her new memories, she found that she considered the place as more of a home than any place up on the surface.
She clutched a hand around her heart, filled with anguish at the fact that she could not stay here longer. It was not just Flowey's threats, but these new memories too.
She felt as though she did not deserve to be here, that she was unworthy of Toriel's love.
