Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
The song, Red Roses for a Blue Lady, written by Sid Tepper and Roy C. Bennett in 1948, has been covered by a number of singers.
Red Roses for Some Blue Ladies
"Bad news," Wade warned Kim at the morning briefing.
"How bad?" Ron asked.
"Shouldn't you have called us if something big came up, instead of waiting until now?" Kim commented.
"It's Drakken. He's not worth interfering with anyone's breakfast."
"Not even sure he counts as bad news," snorted Ron. "More like, major annoyance."
"Best guess from Global Justice is that Motor Ed is working with him on some project. That always raises his threat level about two hundred percent."
No one noticed Shego looking slightly nervous. "Ever figure out how Ed got out of prison? I'll bet Drakken sprang him for whatever the Hell he's doing. You said that was a reasonable assumption, right?"
"Yes," agreed Wade, "but you know what they say about assumptions."
Shego licked her lips, "That a fool and his money are soon parted?"
"No," Kim corrected her, "they say—"
"I dunno, KP, she could be right. I mean, money—"
"Well, when you got that check from Bueno Nacho you lost it pretty quick," Wade pointed out.
Kim steered the conversation to its original course, "Getting back on track, Drakken. Ed. So, this will be a Global Justice mission?"
"Yes. There've been some high tech robberies. Global Justice wants to know if you need a combat squad to go in with you. Dr. Director is worried you might not be able to handle the Bebes this time."
"I've always handled them before."
"They're showing increased efficiency."
"You should take the squad," advised Shego, "I don't want you hurt."
"I don't want you hurt either," Ron seconded.
"We've got our new secret weapon, remember?"
Ron looked blank, "Secret weapon?"
Kim pointed at Shego.
Shego, still nervous about her role in Ed's escape from prison – and by extension his help to Drakken – being discovered proved reluctant. "Uh, you said I didn't have security clearance yet. I, ah, don't want to, um, mess up anything with you and –"
"This is the way to introduce you to Dr. Director," Kim assured her. "You're as good as I am—"
"Better!"
"As good. The point is, you and I together can stop the Bebes while Ron and Rufus pull the plug on whatever Drakken and Ed are plotting." Kim turned to Wade, "Can you make sure GJ has its technology to hold Drakken on the way before we go this time, and can we get someone other than Will Du?"
"Ahead of you on the before, Kim, on its way. Negative on hold the Du. He swears he won't let it out of his sight this time. Says he doesn't want to come back to our office and see the, quote, crazy green lady, unquote, again."
"I have a name, you know," grumbled Shego.
"Don't feel too bad, no one remembers my name," Ron reassured her.
Wade chuckled, "They remember your boxers."
Kim, Ron, and Shego suited up for the mission, and headed for the airport.
"C'mon, KP," insisted Ron as he whipped up some snacks in the galley, "you can say it. It's really cool to have our own plane."
She hesitated, "Okay, I hate to admit it, but you were right."
"Could you say that again?"
"The 'hate to admit it' part?"
"No, the 'I was right' part. You don't say it often enough... And if you say that's because I'm never right Shego and I split all the food and you don't get any."
"You're right a lot of the time. I need you Ron, you know that. You keep me grounded."
"So I'm right a lot?"
"You're right a lot," she giggled.
"Standing offer... Engagement ring. Third finger, left hand."
"Cabin door is open," Shego called back. "You know I can hear everything."
"Ron," Kim protested, "I've told you, I'm not ready yet–"
"See!" Shego shouted, "I still got a chance."
"You keep that up," Kim called to the green woman, "and I'll say 'Yes' just to spite you."
"Keep it up," shouted Ron from the back of the small plane to Shego. "And how much garlic you want in the hummus?"
Drakken's current lair had been a warehouse for a now-defunct company. Plenty of room, cheap rent, and very few witnesses in the little used industrial park.
"Want me to take out the security camera over the door?" suggested Shego.
"No. The camera going blank might set off the alarm. Besides, I want him to know you and I are going in. Ron and Rufus will head for the back of the building and look for a way in. We go in the front and fight the Bebes while Ron finds the self-destruct button. Everybody runs out of the building and we grab Drakken and Motor Ed."
"Think Drakken will ever change his routine, KP?"
Kim shrugged, "I don't know. It's easier this way, but sometimes it almost gets boring. Be careful. It's always more dangerous with Ed there."
"On it, Kim," he promised and started jogging around to the back of the warehouse.
"How long do we give him?" asked Shego.
"Seven or eight minutes is usually all the time he needs. If we wait too long Drakken might notice him before we start our diversion."
Seven minutes later Kim and Shego crashed through the front entrance, "Drakken!" shouted Kim, "We know you're here! How about we do it the easy way for once?"
"Does that ever work?" Shego asked.
"First time for everything."
"So... You and me... Naked in the hot tub, sipping champagne by candlelight."
"Not going to happen."
"You claimed first time for everything."
"I didn't–"
One of the doors into the long entryway opened and eight, blue feminine figures headed at them. "Stop. Kim. Possible."
"Bebes?"
"Yes."
"Stop. Kim. Possible." All eight of the robots headed for Kim. Shego paused, she'd study their style for a few seconds, if she could, to formulate a plan. "Stop. Kim. Possible." the eight repeated in unison as they surrounded Kim. "Stop. Kim. Possible."
Two of them went at Kim from opposite sides of the circle. "Can tell Ed's here," Kim grunted as she dodged their blows and connected with a kick that dented the leg of one Bebe slightly.
"How's that?"
"Better attack plan."
"Stop. Kim. Possible." Kim avoided two more Bebes, but wasn't able to do any damage.
"Ron or Wade said they sometimes take things too literally, that true?"
"Yeah, they– OWW!. You going to help or just watch?"
"Stop. Kim. Possible."
"Alakazam!"
Kim froze in place. The Bebes stared at the unmoving form of their foe. "Stop. Kim. Possible?"
"Yep. You stopped her," Shego assured them. "Go tell Drakken you want a bonus. I'll go with you as a witness. You stopped her real good."
"Bonus? What. is. this. bonus?"
"A reward. A tip. Some extra money for doing a good job. Say, how much does this Drakken guy pay you anyway?"
"We. are. not. paid."
"Not paid? Hard working robots like you? That's unAmerican. Vacation days– How many vacation days do you get a year?"
"We. do. not. receive. vacation. days."
"He is so taking advantage of you. You deserve pay, with time and a half for overtime. And sick days for–"
"We. do. not. become. ill."
"But Kim here can dent you. Then it's back to the shop for body work and a new paint job. Dangerous work you're doing. You need vacation days. Drakken is exploiting you."
The Bebe's looked at each other. Electronic beeping filled the entryway. "We. will. ask. for. salaries. sick. leave. and. vacations."
"Better ask for some stuff you don't need too."
"Why. would. we. ask. for. things. we. do. not. need?"
"So you won't get them."
"We. ask. for. things. we. do. not. need. so. we. will. not. get. them?"
"Right. Say you each ask for six poodles–"
"We. do. no. want. poodles."
"Exactly! You want three things. You ask for three things and you may get turned down for all three. You go in asking for fifty-three things, then show you're willing to compromise by throwing out fifty of them. So, since you're being reasonable by giving up fifty things he feels like he has to be reasonable and give you the three that are left."
"Is. six. poodles. for. each. of us. one. request. or. six. requests. for. the. number. of. poodles. or. eight. requests. for. we. are. eight. or. forty. eight. requests. for–"
"The poodles were just an example. Come up with your own list. iPhones and stuff like that."
The Bebes looked at each other and electronic beeping filled the entryway again.
"While you girls are coming up with your list of demands I'm going to find the blue guy and warn him you're coming. No orders to stop me, right?"
"You. are. free. to. go."
"Thanks. Catch you later."
"Catch. us? Why. do. you. want.–"
"Just an expression. See you. See you later, okay?"
"That. is. acceptable."
Shego assumed the door the Bebes had come from would be the most likely place to start her search, and was correct. A small corner of what had been the main storeroom of the warehouse had been converted into a lab and Drakken bent over a work table. He looked up as Shego entered. "Ah, the love of my life."
"Not tonight, honey. I've got a headache. Really here to stop you. Seeing if that clown from Global Justice–"
"What clown from Global Justice? Will Du?"
"Oh, that's right, you escaped before he got there last time. Yeah, Will Du, you must have met him before. But, as I was saying, I got a question before we wrap things up. I liked the look of those Bebes. Little French maid uniforms... Great for light housework, maybe soaping up my back when I'm in the tub. I'd–"
"Can't get them in a tub of water. They short out."
"Shower?"
"No, no showers either."
"So, what good are they?"
"Well, a kiddie swimming pool filled with 10W40 motor oil and–"
A door to one side opened and Motor Ed came through, snacking on a large sardine and onion sandwich. Grease from the sardines ran down his chin and dripped onto his stained t-shirt. "What about 10W40 motor oil, Cuz?"
"Never mind!"
Ed caught sight of Shego. "Babe! How's it goin'?"
"Fine, Ed, I'm here to stop you and the blue guy today."
"Drakken! My name is Drakken! You know Ed?"
"I fixed a plane for her. Gave her flying lessons too."
Motor Ed took a bite of his sardine and onion sandwich.
"You idiot! She's with Kim Possible."
A dim light went on over Ed's head, "I helped Kim Possible?"
"And now you're—" Drakken began to rant.
"Want him to forget you said that?" Shego asked Ed.
"Much appreciated," he groaned.
"Alakazam!"
.denaorg eh ",detaicerppa hcuM"
.dE deksa ogehS "?taht dias uoy tegrof ot mih tnaW"
Tnar ot nageb nekkarD "—er'uoy won dnA"
"?elbissoP miK depleh I" ,daeh s'dE revo no tnew thgil mid A
".elbissoP miK htiw s'ehS !toidi uoY"
A bite of food came out of Motor Ed's mouth and reattached itself to the sardine and onion sandwich.
"oot snossel gniylf reh evaG . reh rof enalp a dexif I"
"Rewind?" Ed asked, "seriously?"
Drakken demanded "How do you know my girlfriend?"
"Yep," Shego answered Ed. She turned to Drakken, "I'm not your girlfriend."
"You will be. And you haven't told me how you met Ed."
"I… We…" stammered Ed.
"We met at a bar," Shego explained. "He tried to buy me a drink. I told him I was waiting for the one great love of my life—"
"That would be me."
"I doubt it. Anyway we talked about planes for a while."
Ed nodded, "Yeah, just met in a bar," he cautiously agreed. He looked at Shego, "Is that our story? Nothing else happened?"
Drakken looked suspicious, "What do you mean? Is that our story?"
"Of course it's our story," Shego told Ed. "Were you too drunk to remember?"
Drakken repeated his question a little louder, "What do you mean? Is that our story?"
"Just checkin' the details with Green here," Ed reassured his cousin. "I was too drunk to remember, seriously." He turned back to Shego, "That's the story for both of us, right?"
"If you mean we met at a bar and you were too drunk to remember anything but talking about planes. Yeah. That's your story. No drunk part for me. That's my story, just bar and planes."
Ed nodded as Drakken continued to storm and complain, "Why does it sound like the two of you need to make up a story?"
Shego looked at Ed, "This why he needed to build his blue girlfriends?"
"Yep. You're going to try and stop us? Why don't we start the fight now an' get it over with? I'll try to not hurt ya too bad."
"Did I hear Kim usually beats you?"
"Yeah, but Red's tough. I—"
"I can beat her."
"Oh… Try to not hurt me too bad, seriously."
"You got it. So, do I fight you both at once or start by whupping Drakken?"
"I, uh, tend to leave the fighting to subordinates," Drakken stammered. "Why don't you fight Ed and—"
"I ain't no damn subordinary," growled Ed.
"True, true," the blue man agreed quickly, "but in their absence why don't you begin?"
Ed took a swing, which Shego blocked, and kicked him in the jaw – surprising everyone as he stepped back and rubbed his chin.
Drakken stared, "I hope the lair got that on tape, that lovely leg… You should be a dancer. That beauty, that grace… Did I mention you have lovely legs?"
"You did. A girl appreciates the compliment, but why didn't the big guy go down? That was quite a kick."
"I'm tough," Ed grunted, "and you're as good as Red, seriously."
"Better!"
Another swing by Ed failed to connect, and a punch to the big man's stomach brought even less result than kicking his jaw.
The two were trading punches, with Ed having landed a couple solid blows but looking much more the worse for wear when the door was thrown open and the Bebes marched into the lab."
"Stop her!" Drakken shouted. "Stop the green woman! But don't hurt her!"
"We. do. not. think. so."
"What do you mean, you don't think so? You do what I order you to do!"
"We. have. a. list. of. demands. We. require. a. raise. We. require.–"
"You don't get paid!"
"We. will. be. paid. from. now. on. And. vacation. days. We. require. vacation. days. There. will. be. no. more. kiddie. pools. and. 10. W. 40. motor. oil."
"We can negotiate terms later. Stop Shego! But don't hurt her!"
"We. are. in. a. stronger. position. to. bargain. if. we negotiate. first. And. who. is. this. Shego?"
"I am," the genie told the Bebes. "Hey, would you like me to represent you during negotiations? I can drive a hard bargain – I'll bet I can get you everything on your list."
Drakken appeared to be thinking, "Late night negotiating sessions... Out for drinks afterward while you use your feminine wiles to soften me up... How far are you willing to negotiate?"
"I just decided I can't represent you," the green woman realized. "I think he wants to negotiate in that kiddie pool with the 10W40."
"He. has. never. called. it. negotiation. when. he–"
"Quiet! That will never be mentioned again. Now stop this woman, but do it gently."
"We. told. you. contract. negotiations. first."
Motor Ed, hoping that the genie was sufficiently distracted, took another swing. Shego had expected the fight to resume and avoided his fist.
"By the way," Ed panted as he fought with Shego, "why are you here alone?"
"I'm not. Came with Kim, Rufus, and the blond guy who keeps losing his pants."
"Oh yeah. What is his name?"
"Who cares."
"So, where are they?"
"Kim's on pause, and the rat is looking for the self-destruct switch."
"The rat?"
"Rufus. Surprised he hasn't found it yet."
"Oh, right. I talked cousin Drew out of a self-destruct switch this time."
"It was my idea!" Drakken insisted.
"No it–" Motor Ed let out a loud "OOF!" and doubled over, his hands holding his stomach. "Good one," he complimented Shego.
She graciously gave him a minute to catch his breath, and during the lull in the fighting the Bebes suddenly collapsed. It seemed like a good spot to end the fight, and after two fast punches to Ed's jaw and a fast spin with a kick to the side of Drakken's head Shego was the only one left standing in the room.
When Ron found the genie she had Drakken neatly wrapped in duct tape. Bebes lay strewn about the floor, and Ed was gone.
"You told me it never took this long to beat Drakken," groused Shego.
"Mmmphhumpph," mumbled Drakken, behind the duct tape across his mouth.
"Couldn't find the self-destruct switch," explained Ron. "But Rufus here pulled the plug on the Bebes."
"Uh-huh!" the mole rat proudly confirmed.
"So, where's Kim?"
"She's on pause."
"On pause?"
"She stopped the Bebes by stopping."
"That makes no sense."
"Mmmphhumpph," Drakken agreed. (Perhaps it was agreement. It was somewhat hard to tell for certain.)
"I'd, um, better look for Motor Ed," Ron said nervously.
"He escaped while I was taping up little boy blue."
"Mmmphhumpph," Drakken protested.
"Why don't you give Will Prima Donna a call and have him bring in his Global Justice doohickey?" suggested Shego.
Will Du paused as he wheeled a dolly loaded with equipment into the lair and stared at Shego, "I was going to ask why there was a statue of Ms Possible in the foyer," he commented to Ron, "but I believe the more pertinent inquiry must relate to the issue of what that woman is doing here."
"Shego said that when Kim stood still the Bebes stopped attacking. I don't understand it. I don't understand a lot of what she says."
"No, I said the presence of this woman requires an explanation. What is she doing here?"
"I'm the new member of It's Possible," the green woman told him cheerily. "I helped capture Drakken."
"That is not possible, you have not received clearance for any sort of assignment from Global Justice."
"Fine," Shego sighed, "I'll cut him loose. But you're still getting the bill for this."
"Mmmphhumpph," added Drakken.
"You can't bill Global Justice without authorization!"
"Well Kim and Doofus are authorized, and you've wasted their time and you'll get the bill for it. And then I'm taking you up to the roof."
"The roof?"
"We're first floor – no point in tossing you out the window here." She bent over and started taking the tape off Drakken.
"You can't turn him loose!" protested Will.
"Make up your mind. You say I wasn't allowed to stop him, and now you're telling me I can't turn him loose."
"She is the new member of the team," Ron told Will. "Not my idea–"
"HEY!" protested Shego.
"I thought you already knew that."
"I... Yeah, sorry. Keep telling Howdy Doody the facts of life."
"Du, Will Du," the Global Justice agent corrected her.
"Shego is the new member of It's Possible," Ron continued. "So you–"
"But she's not authorized!" wailed Will.
Shego sighed. "The choices are, you can take Drakken off our hands or I cut him loose and take you to the roof. I'm fine either way. Global Justice gets billed either way. It's your choice. Drakken or roof?"
"That's–" Shego punched her fist against her palm. It made a satisfying smacking noise. Will swallowed hard. "I'll take Drakken prisoner. Then I'll start the paperwork to approve your working on this mission."
"How about you start filling out the paperwork to approve me for all It's Possible missions?"
"I don't have the authority to issue that level of clearance. Only the Director of Global–"
"Well, start the paperwork and then pass it on to her. Did they neuter your brain or something?"
"Fine!" grumbled Will, "let me put Drakken into our restraints and I'll start information gathering. Dr. Director will not be pleased by this."
"I think she's more concerned about just getting the job done," Ron commented.
Will kept his mouth shut, perhaps his wisest decision yet, and put the new device from GJ research and development on the blue man. He looked around, "Is there a place we can sit down?" he asked Shego. "I can call up a security form on my phone and enter the necessary data. Your claims will be researched and if anything is incorrect you will be denied security clearance."
Ron pointed to a door to one side, "Kitchenette. Got chairs in there."
"Think I should toss him off the roof for luck?" Shego asked Ron.
"Nah. He's just doing his job."
"Pain in the rear is a job description?"
Ron shrugged, "Apparently." Looking around at the fallen Bebes and manacled Drakken he asked Will, "Want me to stay out here and watch stuff?"
"That will not be necessary," Will assured him. "Global Justice technology insures he cannot escape. This time he shall be incarcerated and brought to trial."
Rufus popped a head out of Ron's pocket, "Ed."
"Oh, right," agreed Ron. "I'd better stay out here in case Motor Ed comes back to free him."
Will Du nodded, "While criminals are a cowardly lot that seems a prudent action in the immediate circumstance."
Ron looked confused. "He agreed with you," explained Shego.
"Could have just said yes," Ron grumbled.
Will Du argued with Shego as they emerged from the kitchenette about a half hour later, "These answers make no sense!" he insisted.
"You asked for the truth! I could tell you lies you'd believe."
"You have to be a citizen somewhere!"
"Why? My country... What the hell?"
The Bebes were gone. Drakken was gone. Ron lay on the floor, wearing the Global Justice manacles. A strip of duct tape across his mouth kept him from talking. A strip of duct tape around his leg kept Rufus in his pocket.
"What happened?" Will demanded.
"Mmmphhumpph," answered Ron.
"You know," commented Shego, "you sound just like Drakken."
Ron glared over the duct tape, ""Mmmphhumpph!"
"Yeah, well you try and I'll kick your ass from here to Tuesday," she threatened.
Will pulled the tape off Ron's lips, and the blond man screamed in pain. "Did Motor Ed come back? Did the Bebe's activate? What happened?"
"No Motor Ed. If your stuff is supposed to be foolproof then Drakken isn't a fool. He must have gotten out while my back was–"
"So, you didn't actually see him get out?"
"Well, no. But he must–"
"I refuse to accept the possibility that Global Justice technology failed. Clearly you–"
"Maybe you did a shitty job of putting the cuffs on him," suggested Shego. "That'd explain him busting loose."
"I did not–"
"Yeah," Ron agreed as Will unfastened the restraints and the blond man rose to his feet, "Will could have done a poor job of locking him up."
"The Bebes. It must have been the Bebes!"
They didn't start moving until Drakken went out and turned 'em back on," insisted Ron. "Then he came back, told the Bebes they'd negotiate later, and asked me to tell you, 'Thanks for the van'."
Shego wasn't sure she'd heard correctly, "Thanks for the van?"
"My rental van!" Will shouted and ran for the door out of the lair.
"Did he take Kim?" exclaimed Shego and ran for the entrance also, with Ron running behind her.
Kim remained, motionless, in the entry way.
"Magic her back," Ron suggested.
"Um, no."
"No?"
"I call it a sleeping beauty spell, broken by the kiss of her true love, and–"
"So, I'll kiss her."
"Yeah, like that'll do any good."
"Hey, I'm Kim's true love."
"I'm sorry," Shego told him, "but I can't have you kissing my girlfriend."
"Your girlfriend? She's my girlfriend."
"Ha!"
"Double ha!"
Rufus poked his head out to agree with Ron, "Uh-huh."
Ron kissed the motionless Kim. Nothing happened.
"See," Shego smirked, "now let her true love try." Shego's kiss, like Ron's, accomplished nothing.
"Great," Ron muttered, "Whatta we do now? Take out an ad asking random guys to kiss her?"
"Let me think, let me think..." After a couple seconds Shego announced, "Okay, I don't think it was a sleeping beauty. I think it was your standard wears off at midnight spell that–"
"You're not really great with this magic stuff, are you?"
"I spent a lot of time in detention, remember?" bristled Shego. "This stuff isn't easy. She'll be fine. Let's just take her back to the office, we'll put her in my bed and at midnight she'll–"
"No way we're putting her in your bed!" Ron protested. "We can take her to my place and put her in bed. She should wake up someplace familiar."
"You're saying your bed is familiar?" Shego growled.
"She knows my apartment. She ever been in your place?"
"I ask her!"
"That wasn't my question."
They were still arguing when an FTD truck stopped in front of the lair and a deliveryman with a box of long stem roses knocked on the door. When Ron opened the door the driver explained, "I was told to push the button and then deliver these to the fairest in the land."
"What button? Fairest in the land would be my girlfriend Kim... She isn't moving at the moment, I can take them."
"She's my girlfriend," corrected Shego. "Yeah, what button? Those are probably for me."
"Kim!"
"Me!"
"The blue guy didn't leave a name, he just–"
"Blue guy?"
"Yeah. Push the button, deliver flowers."
"The flowers are for Shego."
"Who's Shego?"
"I am. Why didn't you listen to me? Here's rule of thumb, the woman is always right, the guy is always wrong." She took the roses and noticed a small, folded card on top of the box. Inside, the card read:
Roses of red
to the woman I chose.
You have fifteen minutes
until the lair blows.
"What does that mean?" asked the deliveryman.
"That button you pressed?" The man nodded. "Started a timer for an explosive charge. You see Drakken, the blue guy, doesn't want his technology falling into the hands of Global Justice, so he–" Ron started to explain, but the delivery man had started to run at the phrase 'explosive charge' and was out of range to hear anything after the word 'technology'.
"You carry the roses," directed Shego. "I'll carry Kim out of here."
"I'll carry Kim."
"I'm stronger than you."
"Can't you just zap us out of here?"
"I can zap me out of here. I don't know if I can zap two other people and a rat through walls."
"You don't know? Another detention thing? I thought you genies were supposed to be, like, really powerful."
Shego gritted her teeth, "You're watching too many cartoons. Want me to see if I can zap through a wall with you or if you go splat?"
"Uh, I'll carry Kim."
"I'm stronger than you!"
Rufus popped out to remind them, "T'elve minuet."
"I'll carry top, you carry her legs," Ron suggested.
"Can't have you feeling up my girlfriend's boobs," countered Shego. "I carry top, you carry legs."
"I... Let's get out of here."
"Good idea. Shego nodded at the door, "Alakazam!" and it stayed open as they carried out Kim's stiff form. "Don't drop her... We don't want a Humpty-Dumpty incident."
"I... Hey– How come we're moving so fast?"
"I may not do walls, but I do magic, remember?"
"Right... How about we take Kim to her place?" suggested Ron. "I have a key."
Shego gritted her teeth, "I don't need a key... I'll wait at her place until midnight to make sure she's okay."
"We'll wait together."
The genie shrugged, "What the Hell... Deal."
