"I'm not going to even say anything except that I'm glad to see you alive, with open eyes." I closed my eyes, and turned away from him. Carlos sighed softly and I gently squeezed my right hand into a fist. My head was pounding and I couldn't stop my heart from racing. I was full of guilt and pain but what was worse was knowing how disappointed everyone around me was. "You would think someone's best friend would tell that best friend he's going through some rough times and he needs some help."

"I'm fine."

"You look it." I opened my eyes and turned back to him fast. He had his arms crossed over his chest. He looked mad but he also looked tired and sad. "I'm your best friend Kendall."

"I know you are." He sat back and raised an eyebrow huffing. "What do you want from me?"

"How about an explanation? I know your mom will want one and so will James and your dad and your sister and even Logan." I felt my left hand try to squeeze but it was too weak. The IV was in my arm and the cuts were fairly new so it kind of hurt really bad. "Oh does it hurt hearing about Logan? You know what is worse? Having to hear how upset your mom is, Kendall. It's been a month and you got close to her and your family is going back to normal and just because Logan lost his parents and got drunk one night, letting a random guy suck on his neck you have to pull this shit and be selfish as fuck? You are not this guy." He pointed to my wrists and like he was scolding me a hot iron it made me feel worse. "I promised myself and James that I wouldn't yell at you and not make you feel bad but I miss my best friend." I loosened up all my muscles and let my body give up. "Jesus Kendall…what was the point of doing all this? Why was this so bad?" He scooted closer to me, sitting on the edge of his seat. It looked like he was reaching out for my hand but stopped looking to sad to be this close to me. "Please talk to me. I thought we were that close as friends that we could come to each other for this stuff." He tried against to reach for me but stopped. "Kendall…"

"I thought I was in love Los." He closed his mouth and lowered his head slightly. "Do you know how bad it hurts to feel worthless and useless to the guy you love and thought loved you back the same way?" He kept his head down and I looked away to the window where the blinds were pulled back and the sun was trying so hard to come out and shine. "I don't care anymore. Everything I've ever known is wrong and stupid. There's no point Carlos. I'm not happily married and in love with a great man who isn't ashamed of me. I wish I could tell you I feel bad for what I did or what I have been doing but I don't care. I absolutely do not care." The room was quiet and I could vaguely hear the conversations outside my room but it didn't matter. I couldn't feel more alone.

"Then I don't care." I stopped breathing and turned my head to see Carlos standing up from his seat grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair.

"What?" He looked down at me and even though I felt a lot of pain and it was hard to see straight but I could see he was close to crying.

"I said then I don't care Kendall. You don't care about your life or the people in your life then why should I care about you right? I shouldn't have come when your mom called, and I shouldn't care if you had lived or died. Why don't you just do yourself a favor then Kendall? Next time actually kill yourself." He turned fast and headed for the door not looking back. I pushed myself up,, feeling even worse now and swallowed my pride and the vomit that was surly coming up.

"Carlos…" He stopped hand on the knob but kept looking away. I felt my mouth open like I was going to say something but nothing came out. He shook his head and pulled the door open but as he was stepping out James appeared in the doorway with some flowers. James smiled big at Carlos and gently pushed him back in the room. I laid back and locked eyes with James only seeing Logan. It's been like that since I found out Logan did date him. When I saw James, I saw Logan.

"Hey kid. How you feeling?" I only shrugged and he gently put Carlos back in the chair he was in before. Carlos kept his head down and folded his hands in his lap. "I got to say you look a lot better than Logan." Carlos looked up fast to James and he sat on the edge of my bed by my feet. "Yeah I know that sounds odd because you're in the hospital but Logan hasn't been eating, he's been drinking like a freaking fish and when I went to the house it was messy which,, knowing Logan, is weird." James set the flowers gently on my lap and looked between Carlos and I. "Form what I heard when I was eavesdropping out the door…" Carlos gave him a dirty look and turned away from him. "You two think it's okay to say you don't care and act like you guys aren't best friends so what I'm going to do is hit both of you upside the head and calmly remind you guys that we are a family and right now Kendall and Logan need myself and you…" Carlos looked up to James who was giving him a stern look. "And for the moment we are going to help them and fix them. Understand?"

"You don't have to talk to me like a 5 year old James." I swallowed hard, thinking this was going to turn into a bad fight where Carlos accused James of being rude and mean and James would come back with something along the lines of "stop acting like a 5 year old" which would cause a bigger problem, but as the scene unfolded I couldn't believe my eyes. James pushed off my bed bent down in front of Carlos putting his forehead on Carlos's and gently kissing his lips. Carlos automatically melted in his touch and reached up with both hands holding his face gently. James pulled away slowly, still remaining close to him.

"He's your best friend Los. Tell him you love him and you'll be there for him and then give him a hug so we can let someone else see him." I was completely baffled when James stood up and took Carlos hand, helping him up. Carlos quickly bent down, wrapping his arms around my neck. I put my arms around his back and looked over at James. He gave a small nod to me and I nodded back as Carlos sighed in my ear.

"I'm sorry Kendall. I love you and I'm here for you." I smiled and nodded against his head. Carlos pulled away and gently rubbed my shoulder. He waited a minute before sighing softly and turning to go to the door. James pushed off my bed and started following after him.

"James?" He turned back to me and I sat up. "Is there any chance…I know it's probably unlikely but…" I sighed and put my head down, rubbing the back of my neck.

"What's up Kenny?" I looked back up, seeing both of them looking at me, with the door wide open.

"DO you think, you could try to see if Logan could come…ask…ask him for me?" A huge smile spread across James face and he raised a hand putting one finger up. He turned walking Carlos out and not a second later James reappeared holding onto someone, not wanting to walk in. James sighed and roughly pulled and for the first time in over a month I was looking at Logan. Except he didn't really look like Logan. He was skinny, pale and looked like a zombie with sunken in eyes. He was wearing a hoodie too big for him, with the hood on. When we locked eyes, he quickly pushed his hood off his head and stepped in. James patted his back and walked out, shutting the door behind him. When the door shut I was about to say something but was overtaken with the flood pouring out of my eyes. I was crying just seeing him. I was so upset with everything that had happened that finally it was hitting me, and it was his fault. I put my head back down, putting my head in my hands and squeezed my eyes shut, not making any noise. I could faintly hear footsteps and when they got really close I felt a soft hand on my shoulder, which only made me worse.

"I love you Kendall and I miss you." I looked up fast and saw he was also crying. His hand moved from my shoulder to my neck and slowly moved up to my cheek. My whole body was set on fire and I couldn't handle it anymore and pushed into him fast. I wrapped tight around him, which scared me because he was so small and skinny. But it didn't matter as much because his arms were wrapping around me and he was pushing himself up onto my bed. "I'm sorry…I didn't want to hurt you…I never wanted to lose you." I pulled him in tighter and shook my head. I couldn't make out two words to say to him to tell him I felt the same so all I did was nod into him and squeeze onto him tight.