I angrily pushed him off me; he couldn't just kiss me. Not twice; not without me knowing what it even meant. I didn't know what he wanted from me and I didn't know what I wanted from him. The entire thing was completely and utterly confusing.
He looked at me, his face a picture of complete disbelief, as if someone refusing to do whatever he wanted was the most shocking thing in the world. "What's wrong?" he frowned.
"I don't get you," I sighed.
"You don't have to," he smirked, his eyes lighting up again.
I shook my head. "No, I don't understand what you want from me."
"I thought I made it pretty clear..." he wasn't being funny now, he looked genuinely dumbfounded.
"What? You want me to kiss you and back you up whenever you have arguments with anyone and that's it?" I could feel myself getting flustered.
"I don't just want to kiss you, I want to be with you. I really like you," he had stopped smirking and now had a serious, solemn expression.
"You barely know me," I smiled disbelievingly. I suddenly found a new energy and managed to rise to my feet.
"Then let me. Come hunting with the choir tomorrow, you'll like it." He rose too and grabbed my wrist to prevent me from leaving.
"I don't want to," I murmured. "Now will you please leave to allow me to change?" I asked with the most dignity that I could muster.
"Why not? And I have to talk to you- can't I just stay?" He noticed my eyes widen and added, "I promise I won't peek." His eyes still had their mischievous glint and I didn't trust him at all.
"Please just leave," I moaned. Instead of arguing any further, he went over to my suitcase and brought out each of my dresses, along with all of my shoes.
"It's late, so I think that you should go for an evening look," he commented jokingly, picking out a wine red dress and my red heels.
"I can't wear heels on a beach, I'll twist my ankle," I snapped. "Besides, you've horrible taste. I couldn't wear a red dress with red heels."
He swiftly replaced the heels with black flats. It was when he began pulling out underwear that I rushed over to him and made him turn around.
"I really wish you would leave," I muttered embarrassedly as I awkwardly removed my clothes.
He was standing at the entrance to the hut -guarding it apparently- and didn't reply to any of my protests. Just as I had put on fresh underwear, he turned around.
I shrieked, urgently covering myself up with my dress, desperately holding it over my body. There were footsteps outside and I immediately regretted screaming.
"Shh! I was joking!" Jack whispered nervously, quickly turning back around.
My regret was even more severe when Roger entered. His eyes widened as he took in the scene before him and his mouth twitched into a smirk. "What've we got here?"
"Please. Get. Out." My cheeks were bright red, I felt as if I was going to burn. I wish I would just burn and turn into ash, anything to get away from here.
"We were hoping for some alone time, Rog," Jack smirked devilishly. He could not have been serious.
"So you've won the bet?" Roger asked. "And you didn't even enter it properly. The only two people getting close to winning haven't even made a wager," he shook his head disapprovingly.
Jack panicked at the mention of the bet and urgently tried to shut Roger up. I felt a sudden surge of relief that Jack hadn't participated in the bet. The relief was soon vanquished when I remembered the situation I was in.
"Can you two please discuss your little game outside so that I can change?" I asked, griping onto the dress so tightly I was afraid it would rip.
Roger didn't say anything, but there was a horrible look in his eye and he was walking towards me, so I acted on my first impulse and screamed at the top of my lungs, awkwardly swatting him away. Jack pulled him back and Ralph came running into the hut, his movement rapid and panicked. "What's going on?" he asked, his eyes turning to fully take in the scene before him.
I was standing in the corner, making myself as small as possible and desperately holding the dress over me, while Roger was standing in front of me with a terrifying look in his eye and was being held back by Jack. Neither of them said anything, but I let out a small whimper and sat down with a blanket over me to better conceal myself.
Ralph rushed over to me and bloomed with colour when he realised that I was practically nude beneath the blanket. He raised his voice, looking furiously over at the two boys. "What did you do?!"
"We didn't do anything," Jack started. The newfound friendship between them was already seeming to crumble away, but neither wanted that to happen. "She was just getting changed and I turned around- I was only joking. She screamed and then Roger came in." He looked accusingly at his friend, more than willing to give him all of the blame. "He was walking towards her suspiciously, so I pulled him back. But I think she got scared," he looked at me as if asking for confirmation. "And she screamed again." If looks could kill, the look Roger gave Jack after that would be fatal.
Ralph looked at me pityingly, he undoubtedly felt me shaking violently beside him. "Well why did you turn around when she was changing?"
"All of you just get out now," I bit. I was tired of being intimidated by stupid boys and I wasn't going to sit there shaking with fear while they argued as if I wasn't even there. I stood to my feet, carefully wrapping the blanket around me while making sure that I remained covered. Jack left, pushing Roger in front of him, but Ralph stayed put.
"I'm sorry that you had to deal with them," he sympathised.
"I'm not sure about you, but the last time I checked, you were involved in all of you. I don't need your help so just get out," I stubbornly pointed to the exit with one hand. He hesitatingly left after shooting me a sad glance. Why did he always have to do that? Why couldn't he just be angry instead?
I took advantage of the rare occasion of being alone and quickly changed into the red dress and slipped on the black shoes. I also rummaged through my makeup bag and took out my mirror, groaning when I saw that it was smashed. I brought out a red lipstick and carefully applied it without a mirror. I put it on so often that I could do a reasonably neat job without one.
I left the hut in hope of finding Simon- at least he didn't irritate me. All that I really wanted was to stay inside that hut forever, but we only had four or five of them and I couldn't keep one all to myself.
"Well look at you," Maurice whistled. "Who you tryna impress?" he was following closely behind me.
I spun around angrily. I was not in the mood. "Maybe I'm not trying to impress anyone, maybe my whole mission in life isn't just to get boys to like me. Maybe I want to look nice for myself and I don't give a damn what anybody else thinks."
That shut him up. I turned back around and continued walking, not bothering to check if he had left because I knew that he did. He was all talk and I doubted that he would act on his threats. He had no reason to go after me anyway, all I'd done was embarrass him slightly and everyone had already forgotten about it.
It was dark and I could barely see, but I manged to make out a shadowy figure sitting alone in the shade of a tree. I assumed that it must be Simon as nobody else ever sat alone for long, especially not in the dark.
"Hey," I greeted quietly, trying to confirm that it really was Simon before getting too close.
"Hullo," he replied as I sat beside him, recognising his voice. "Are you alright?"
As I looked at him I determined that he must be around thirteen, yet he was much wiser than most boys on this island put together. I decided that I could talk to him. I had to speak to somebody after all, or I would go mad- and with Jack and Ralph it was complicated. Ralph hadn't done anything, but I always felt odd around him. I had this feeling that I didn't understand and it was the same with Jack. They were both so different, yet they both gave me that odd feeling.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "You're much cleverer than I am, you manage to avoid all of the drama on this island. You just sneak off and nobody seems to question it anymore." He stayed silent. "Where do you go anyway?"
"I don't know, different places. I suppose I just explore the island. There are so many places that nobody else takes the time to notice, places with beautiful flowers with creatures I've never seen or even heard of before. There are lizards, birds, bugs and these brightly coloured animals that I don't know the name of, but they're amazing." I could easily hear the passion and wonder in his voice as he spoke. His eyes lit up and his face assumed a distant and faraway, yet bright expression and I couldn't help but marvel at him. I wished that I felt like that about nature. Of course I liked flowers and birds, but not like he did. He understood it, he had a connection with it.
"It sounds beautiful," I smiled, "I can see why you favour it over here." I honestly could.
"So what's wrong?" he instantly assumed a serious expression that convinced me that he was genuinely concerned.
"Jack kissed me," I confided, unsure of why I was about to pour my heart out to a thirteen year old.
His eyes widened, but he didn't say anything, so I continued. "He did it before too, when we had found the plane. Then, I had kissed him back but this time I pushed him off. I'm just confused. He hadn't mentioned the previous kiss again before now and I don't know what he wants from me," I sighed in frustration.
"Well he talks about you a lot. Nothing heart-warming, but he's Jack Merridew so that wouldn't be likely. I think him saying anything remotely nice about you says a lot," he replied with a slight chuckle. "Do you like him?"
I stiffened up at the question. "You know what? We don't need to talk about this." I stood to my feet. "I don't know how I feel and it's not only him that I- why am I telling you all of this? You're so bloody quiet! It's making me tell you everything and I just don't- I have to go." He didn't reply and he didn't need to, there was nothing to say. He respected that I didn't want to talk about it, either because he was nice or because he just didn't care. It didn't really matter which one.
I quickly walked away, unsure as to where I was even going. I was being horrid to everyone and I hated it. I didn't mean to act like that. I was behaving a stuck up brat. Just because Jack was confusing me, I was mean to him. It wasn't his fault, he was probably confused too I suppose; except when he turned around. That was vile.
Then there was that strange feeling whenever I was with Ralph, so sometimes I panicked and started being horrible to him too, then I had snapped at Simon when he had been trying to help me. I didn't care about anybody else- Roger and Maurice deserved my snide comments.
I walked past where a crowd of boys were sitting discussing something animatedly. Their conversation quieted as they noticed me approach and they not-so-subtly stared. I wasn't getting big-headed- that wasn't it at all. I knew that they probably wouldn't be half as interested in me if I wasn't the only girl here. Even Jack, as much as he claimed to like me.
I was initially going to speedily walk past, but I didn't want to further seclude myself from the group. I didn't like being by myself, I much preferred being with others rather than being alone with my thoughts.
"Hi," I greeted as casually as I could, sitting down between Ralph and Piggy. There were a few hellos from some of them, but they all seemed displeased that their conversation had been interrupted. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm going hunting again tomorrow," Jack announced. "I'm telling them about how I'm going to catch a pig," he added with a smug smirk.
"We're," Roger corrected grumpily.
"We're," Jack repeated sarcastically.
"Well you seem fairly sure of yourself," I commented with an amused smile. I didn't want things to be awkward and I doubted anybody else did, so I decided that pretending nothing had happened was the wisest option- at least for now.
"Of course I am. I'm head chorister and the oldest one here. And the tallest," he bragged happily. He didn't even seem to notice that he was bragging. He seemed to assume that his arrogant boasts would only earn our admiration and respect.
"Oh yes, how could I forget?" I asked sarcastically, rolling my eyes and looking over to Ralph, silently asking if he was truly being serious.
Jack smiled, apparently oblivious to my sarcasm. People see and hear what they want to.
"Maurice is on the mountain until it gets lighter, it's his shift for now," Ralph informed out of nowhere, presumably attempting to change the subject.
"Are you coming with us?" Jack asked, his blue eyes piercing right into me. I blinked in confusion and asked him what he was talking about. "Hunting," he answered simply.
Ralph must have noticed my hesitation, as he began arguing the case for me remaining here. He pointed out how my stomach was still hurt, so it would apparently be dangerous for me to go hunting. He claimed that I was needed at camp to catch up on rest and help with huts.
"He has a point," I admitted, trying to feign disappointment. I had absolutely no interest in chasing after a pig with sticks. I simply didn't see the appeal.
To my surprise, Jack smiled at Ralph. "Of course- I wasn't thinking it through. You're right." I checked the expressions of everyone else and saw that they were all just as shocked as I was, even Ralph.
Ralph grinned back in response. "That's alright," he answered simply.
I looked to Piggy, who seemed even more baffled than I was. I was definitely pleased, but Piggy didn't appear to be. "Don't you think it's silly? Most of our able-bodied people are off hunting rather than helping with the important things like building huts," he argued, staring accusingly at Jack. I had to admit, the kid had guts, even Ralph would rarely challenge Jack.
"Who asked your opinion, fatass?" he replied coolly, retaining his composure for what I think was the first time since I'd ever seen him.
"I have a right to speak," Piggy argued with absolutely no hesitation.
"You haven't got the conch," Jack mocked sarcastically.
"I don't need it to voice my opinion, this isn't a meeting. I'm also the only one being logical," Piggy countered calmly.
"We need meat!" Jack bellowed, one of his hands clenching into a fist. So much for retaining his composure. I noticed his fingers subtly tracing around his fist, then he began to roughly scratch at his arm- it looked like he was trying to calm himself. It wasn't working. "That's what's important, that's what people want! Everyone's hungry, so we need meat." He looked to Ralph for support, but everyone knew that Ralph's main priorities were the fire and the huts, not meat.
"Both are," I chimed in. "The fire is undoubtedly the most important thing, we can all agree on that." I said it finally, leaving no room for debate. Everyone nodded agreeably. "We need huts for practicability, but we also need meat. Like Jack said, everyone's hungry, but it's not just that. We'll go mad if all we do is work, we need fun. The littluns entertain themselves easily, but we all need fun. If the choir find hunting fun, then that's just as important. If we live solely to survive, then that's not really living, is it?"
There was silence. I hadn't meant to make a whole speech, it had sort of just blurted out. Nobody argued with my opinion, they simply voiced their approval before moving onto a different topic.
One by one, everybody gradually trickled away to go and find somewhere to sleep, either in the huts or beside them. It was eventually just Ralph, Jack, Roger and I.
I wanted to get up and leave rather than deal with the sheer awkwardness of the situation, but something was keeping me glued to my seat. I wouldn't have admitted it at the time, but I wanted to be present for their conversation. I didn't want them to speak about what had happened in the hut earlier, especially if I didn't know what they were saying.
"Nice dress," Roger smirked, gazing at me intently, as if he was trying to decipher something.
I uncomfortably squirmed in response, feeling all of their eyes on me. Refusing to be a shrinking, scared little girl, I replied in the most confident tone I could muster. "Thanks, you can borrow it anytime."
He raised an eyebrow in response and looked to Jack with his eyes widened. He whispered something to him, smirking, but Jack seemed affronted by whatever it was.
"So you're into sharing clothes?" Roger asked, his eyebrow still raised.
I refused to allow myself to blush, I just smiled at him calmly. "Not ordinarily, but you do seem like the dress-wearing type and I would hate to deprive you."
He looked vexed by that and his face darkened in humiliation. He then smirked smugly, as if he made a satisfying revelation. "Jack, would you control your hussy?"
Jack stiffened and I looked to both he and Roger accusingly while Ralph looked confusedly at all of us.
"Well I'm not the one who-" I began to protest, but was interrupted by Ralph speaking up.
"That was uncalled for Roger, she's not a hussy and she's not Jack's."
"Who asked you?" Jack asked heatedly. "She's not a hussy but-"
Refusing to listen to another juvenile argument, I grabbed Ralph's arm and led him away from Jack and Roger. I'm not sure why I made him come with me, I just didn't want to be alone and I certainly wasn't going to bring Jack, as Roger would certainly follow.
I could hear Roger speaking frantically, probably whispering poison into Jack's ear. "See? I told you- That's why I said we should have-" It was unclear what exactly he was saying and I didn't want to slow my pace, so I kept walking quickly with Ralph by my side.
"Are you okay?" he asked concernedly once we were out of both eyesight and earshot of them both. He stopped walking and looked right at me.
"I'm fine. You don't need to keep speaking for me though, I can defend myself against the likes of Roger. He doesn't scare me." I continued walking, forcing him to do the same.
"Maybe he should…I just mean, I've heard him talking and-"
"What did he say?" I quickened my pace so Ralph wouldn't notice how frightened I was truly getting. I wasn't going to show it, but being stuck on an island with a group of teenage boys with boosting testosterone was quite intimidating. It seemed like my only option was to find a way to outsmart them, luckily that probably wouldn't be too difficult.
"Try not to worry about it, I won't let him do anything," he assured. I didn't reply, so we walked on in silence. It was dark, but somehow that didn't bother us and we found it relatively easy to navigate our way around. As we continued walking, I noticed that we were approaching the bathing pool.
Ralph was distracted and didn't appear to notice, which gave me an idea. We walked right to the side of it and he still didn't seem to notice the water, so I quickly pushed him in. He shouted in surprise, his body becoming completely submerged in water. I'd seen him swim, so I wasn't worried. I just beamed with amusement as I peered into the pool.
Sure enough, his head splashed up from the water and I could faintly make out a smile playing on his lips. "What was that for?" he asked laughingly, spitting out water that must have crept into his mouth.
"You need to have fun, remember?" I teased.
"So getting pushed into freezing cold water is your idea of fun? In that case…" I could barely see anything as the night was getting darker. I could hear splashing and then my leg was getting pulled downwards. I shrieked in shock as I fell into the pool, creating a huge splash. I kicked about in panic before swimming upwards; the water wasn't deep and my feet could just about reach the bottom if my head was almost entirely submerged.
"Fun, remember?" he smirked. I kicked my legs about, half to keep my head up and half to keep warm.
"I don't know what you're complaining about, I'm having the time of my life," I replied as convincingly as I could. It was fun, but I would much prefer to go swimming in the daylight when I could see properly rather than just about making out Ralph's figure in the water. There was also my dress which was increasing in weight and continually weighing me down, pulling me towards the bottom. I swam over to Ralph, holding onto him for support. I was too tired to fight my dress for dominance.
"So am I," he replied suddenly. He was holding onto me too, making us a clumsy mess of limbs frantically clinging onto each other.
Our faces were inches apart and I wasn't shivering anymore. I felt heated, almost electric; it was as if there was a newfound energy inside me. I couldn't make out the details of his face, but I could see his eyes which still seemed to gleam, even in the darkness.
The space between us was almost non-existent and it gradually seemed to get smaller. We were slowly moving even closer together until, with a quick movement, his lips were on mine. It felt like we were completely entwined as his hands moved down my back and mine wrapped around the nape of his neck. I could taste salt from the water, but it wasn't unpleasant, it somehow merged with a natural sweetness.
We broke away, smiling shyly at each-other. I couldn't bring myself to suggest going back to the others; I wanted nothing more than to stay right there in the freezing water with Ralph, even if I could no longer feel my toes.
"This way," Roger hissed as he and Jack stealthily followed Audrey and Ralph's trail. "I told you that neither of them could be trusted. Ralph was pretending to be your friend so that he could embarrass you in front of everyone. He's threatened because he knows you would be a much better chief."
Jack followed behind him, for the first time in his life he wasn't leading Roger. "The last part's true, but the rest is bullshit," he countered sourly. He refused to belief that Ralph would betray him. Everyone knew that Audrey was his, there was no need to say it. It should have been clear.
"That's why I'm going to show you," Roger replied confidently. "Audrey's worse than him. She was leading you on, but it's really Ralph that she likes. They were probably together since the first day on this island."
"Shut the fuck up."
The two boys continued to walk through the jungle, until they finally saw two shadowed figures ahead. "Be quiet."
They hid behind a bush and watched as Audrey pushed Ralph into the bathing pool. "I told you," Jack smirked. "That's my girl, she hates him."
Roger didn't reply- he rarely did.
They continued to watch as Audrey got pulled into the water and when Jack had been about to approach them to 'protect' Audrey from Ralph, Roger had pulled him back, telling him to wait.
They waited for a short time longer, although it didn't feel short to either of them. It felt like a millennium. That was when it happened.
The colour drained from Jack's face as he saw them kiss. His hand clenched into a fist and his face hardened harshly, making him look capable of murder. Roger smiled in accomplishment.
"I'm going to fucking kill him," Jack swore.
"I'll help," Roger promised. "Her too."
"No," Jack argued sharply.
They watched as the kiss deepened, until Jack looked away.
Roger looked at him almost sadly, trying to determine how to comfort his friend. Thousands of ideas swam through his mind, but they all panicked him. So instead of saying what he wanted to, he put on his signature smug smirk.
"Loyalty is so rare these days."
A/N
Sorry I haven't updated in so long! I have exams next week so I've been really busy, but after next week there should be regular updates again. Thanks to everyone who's followed, favourited or reviewed :)
