So Hard to Say I'm Sorry…

When I awoke to the sound of my alarm early in the morning, I was still upset. I remembered that James had spent the night as his hand caught mine in the morning. He motioned for me to sit as he started speaking.

"I wanted to apologize for last night. It's just that it drove me nuts when you began to defend him and I really didn't know how to react because I've never felt this way about anyone before. I guess I just wanted you to know before we went any further."

"Look James, I really don't know what to think about this whole ordeal so I just think that I'll need some time to think and we can talk about it on Friday when you pick me up for belly dancing." I said as I stood. "Oh! And please don't forget to lock up before you go."

I noticed that his face fell as I descended downstairs and found Rose waiting for me… Uh oh… I thought.

"Bells, why are you pushing him away?" She asked.

"I dunno. I just feel that things are moving too fast and I'm scared." I said.

"Girlie you know that you deserve to love and be loved, so just let yourself fall… a guy doesn't talk feelings unless they're real, you know that." She said. "Tell ya what? I'll go to class and take notes, and you can stay and talk to him. While you're at it take Alice to the airport so that she can go home too."

I knew that I had lost this round with her so I just nodded as she left the kitchen and headed for the front door. But what do I say to him? I thought as I suddenly felt the anxiety take over. I took a couple of deep breaths and headed up the stairs. I still had no clue about what I was thinking let alone what I was going to say to him. When Edward and I fought, no matter what I did, he always apologized or stormed out. I had no experience leading the conversation. I guess somehow I needed to let James know that I really didn't know how to open up, but I wanted to try. As I reached the top of the stairs, James sat up and motioned me to come and sit with him. Ah crap! I thought. Couldn't he just have disappeared while I was downstairs?

I sat and took a moment before speaking.

"Look, I'm not really good at this, but I want to tell you that I'm sorry for being rude earlier. It's just that even though our relationship fell apart and he cheated, I don't hate Edward. I don't know why, but I just can't bring myself to. I don't want you to feel like you have to hate him because of what happened either." I said in somewhat of a rush despite my pause to collect my thoughts.

"Well, I wanted to say something too," he began. "First, I heard a little piece of what Rose told you about skipping class to talk to me and I'm glad that you decided to stay. I was hoping you wanted to talk things through and depending how things go maybe move up the day of our date…" He trailed off while looking down at his shoes. Not knowing where else to look I stared at them too. "What do ya say?" He prodded. "I'll understand if you say no, by the way."

"No, that's great!" I blurted. "It's just that I also wanted to explain that I've never really talked out an argument, and I don't want you to think that I do what I do on purpose… it's just that I don't know any other way to react, really. So I think that if we want to take this further than just casual dating, then that's the first thing that you have to learn about me so that you can teach me to not do that." I told his shoes.

He silently cupped my chin and lifted my head. I don't know what he was searching for when he looked into my eyes, but when he seemed satisfied in what he found. He leaned in slowly and gave me the most soft and sweetest kiss I've ever had. I don't think that I can even describe the things that it made me feel. It felt like every time I saw Tony all those years ago, my stomach in knots and the hairs in the back of my neck standing up. It was simply perfect and I didn't want it to end, I could spend hours kissing him like that, but sadly it was over too soon.

"I'm sorry but I, um… can we try that again?" I asked meaning I'm sorry but I wasn't done!

"Are you asking me to do a full on assault on your mouth?" He asked, his voice dropping a couple of octaves. Fuck!

And just like that it was like he totally turned into a lion and totally pounced, pinning me to the futon...

Several delicious kisses later we heard Alice in the kitchen and went downstairs. James excused himself to the restroom and that was when that damn wannabe Tinker Bell attacked!

"So, what was it like?" she asked with that damn knowing smile.

"What was what like?" I asked. I was too damn good at playing dumb!

"The kiss you fool! What was it like? And don't even ask how I know. I just know, okay?" She said while tapping her foot.

"Alice, can you fall in love with someone just by the way that they kiss?" I asked her knowing that with my tone the question was bound to send her bouncing around until someone stopped her.

"OMYGOSHITWASTHATGREAT?" She blurted out, almost permanently damaging my ears.

"Huh? Can you say that a little louder? I didn't hear you. Oh and what the fuck did you just say?" I said laughing.

"Was he really that great? I mean, I had an idea that you two were gonna work things out despite the little speed bump called Blockward." She whispered.

"Wait, you knew something was going to happen and you didn't tell me? Shit Alice! Well can you at least tell me if Edward spent the night outside or not?" I asked. I knew things would somehow get worse.

"Hey girls what's all the commotion about?" James said as he walked back into the kitchen.

"Since I really didn't give you much of a background on my friends, I might as well start now… Alice here is a psychology major in Fresno State which is where she met her boyfriend Jasper. Oh yeah and she sortaseesthefuture." I said as quickly as I could.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch the end." James said looking confused. Edward for the longest time thought that I was making up Alice's ability, until her predictions began happening to him. Alice was the one who saw him cheating, so to speak.

"Bells said that I see the future. It's not a big deal but it really comes in handy sometimes." Alice said like she would say that she owned a TV or something. "Especially when people don't wanna tell me whether or not they've been kissed yet!" She said poking at my ribs.

"Really? So how do you see things?" James asked looking interested.

"I really don't know, but things just come. I don't choose when to see things. It's rather annoying sometimes, especially when it happens in class because then I have to ask what's going on." She said with an irritated look. Then suddenly:

'High-maintenance' means
You're a gluttonous queen
Narcissistic and mean.
Kill me romantically…

"Crap, crap, crap! Where the hell is my phone?" I yelled as I ran into the living room.

"Who was that?" Alice asked knowing that I have a ringtone for everyone I know.

"It was Rose," I said, suddenly Alice was raising her eyebrow. "Don't give me that look short stuff! Rose picked that ringtone herself." I said as I defended myself.

"What's my ringtone?" James asked looking amused.

"I haven't picked one out for you yet." I explained. "Hold on," I said, while pressing buttons and maneuvering my cell phone like no tomorrow.

"There, you ringtone is all set! Give it a listen" I said. Then played it:

Earth to Bella
The world can be an unfriendly place
So hold your head up
Do your best to save some face
It's not so hard
Just contain yourself and see the second sun
Escape…

Alice looked at me almost puzzled and then her eyes did that weird thing when she sees something. James looked at her and then at me, I nodded at his silent question. He was going to ask something when I noticed that Alice's eyes return to normal.

"Let's go or else we're gonna be late," she said with finality in her voice. I never question her when shit like that happens, I just do what she says and ask questions later. We put her bags into my Tahoe, and she asked James to sit in the back, since my SUV has a lot of space he had no problem with it. As we pulled out I saw it: Edward's Volvo arrived at the complex and he was obviously angry. Shit! Next thing I know, my phone goes off again: I HATE YOU… SO MUCH RIGHT NOW! I sighed and answered.

"Hello?" I asked, I had him on speakerphone and Alice knew exactly why.

"Bella, I need to talk to you, where are you?" He sounded like he was gonna go on a rampage.

"I'm on my way to the airport, sorry, won't be back into Long Beach until late because I have a date. Anything you can bother anyone else with?" I asked, pushing the right buttons in the process.

"Damn it Bella! This isn't the time to throw shit back in my face, what the hell was that guy from the party doing in your house?" Ooh, he's mad! I desperately held in my need to burst out laughing at him.

"You wanna know what he was doing there? Well too bad, you lost that privilege more than 7 months ago, why don't you go and be Mr. Control-freak on your Victoria," I said just before I hung up on him once again.

Alice started laughing as soon as I hung up and we joined in. I think that James had only joined in because of Alice's contagious laughter, it's okay, we all laughed and that's all that mattered.