Shepard climbed onto the Normandy, following Miranda and Kasumi. The ship had docked not five minutes ago, and was already preparing for takeoff. Shepard made his way to the cockpit, and sat down in the co-pilot's seat. Joker turned his head to him, his hands still routinely going through the take-off patterns.
"What're you doing here?"
"Can't talk to an old friend?"
"We aren't friends."
"It was a joke. Thought you might realize that, considering the name."
"My name's Jeff."
"Well I'm glad to know-"
A blue hologram, resembling a chess peice, popped up from a minister next to Joker.
"Hello Shepard, pleased to meet you."
"Uh... What are you?"
"I am the Enhanced Defence Intelligence, or EDI, for short. I help to control the Normandy."
"Pain in the ass too," Joker muttered.
"So, why are you talking to me?"
"Miss Lawson would like to see you in her quarters."
"Fantastic. I'll make my way there."
"Should I inform her of your impending arrival?"
Shepard was halfway to the cockpit's exit when his reply came, "Whatever you want EDI."
"...Understood Shepard. Logging you out."
Miranda looked up from her terminal at the sound of the doors to her quarters opening. Shepard walked in, an uninterested expression on his face.
"You wanted to see me?"
"Yes, and might I add, I'm surprised you came. I didn't expect it from-"
"A slaver, yeah, I get it. Just tell me what you want."
"It's about our newest resident, Jack. She doesn't-"
"Hold up. Jack's here?"
"So you know her? Good, it should make things easier."
"Make what easier?"
"We need you to convince her to cooperate with us. We got her aboard, but she doesn't seem interested in anything but killing me, Jacob, and any other Cerberus operative on this ship."
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it."
"Shepard, make sure to-"
But he was already out of the room. Miranda returned to her work, making a note to tell the Illusive Man exactly where she would put Shepard, before throwing him out of it.
"John fucking Shepard. Why am I not surprised?"
Jack tossed her Cerberus datapad aside, before standing up, arms folded, a scowl across her face.
"You didn't even have the decency to leave a note."
"I had to go to Dakunna, and you were joining a cult. How'd that go for you, by the way?"
"How do you think it went?"
"Same as usual?"
"Exactly. What're you down here for anyways?"
"I heard you were on board and wanted to-"
"Don't lie to me. You know what happens to-"
"Save me the 'psychotic bitch looking for payback' speech, I've heard it before. And I'm down here because of Lawson."
"The cheerleader? You're working for her? Well you two can fuck off the edge of my-"
"I'm not working for her. She wanted me to get you to play nice, but I have a better idea."
"Which is?"
"We take over. Garrus and Zaeed are already with me. A biotic'd be nice to have."
"So you're just using me for my biotics?"
"And your eyes. But you might want to ease up on the mascara next time. It's more 'Asari wannabe' than 'murderer of thousands."
"More than that. Alright, fine, I'll join on one condition."
"So long as it doesn't involve Salarian midgets, I'm fine with it."
"We kill the Cerberus bitch. She's-"
"Say no more. Be ready when the time comes."
Shepard stepped out of Jack's quarters, and bumped into a man in a Cerberus jumpsuit.
"Out of the way Shepard."
"Alenko. Pleasure as always."
"I'm afraid I can't say the same to you."
"What're you doing down here?"
"I'm introducing myself to the newest member of our squad. You?"
"Lawson sent me to talk to her first. I softened her up a bit, but a cant guarantee you won't get a bullet in the head."
"I was expecting one in the back, but a bullet's a bullet. Report back to Lawson, stat."
"I can think for myself asshole," Shepard grumbled, walking off.
Shepard stepped into Miranda's quarters, eyes only half open.
"Shepard," began the Cerberus operative. "You're late to report by almost three hours."
"Jacob invited me for a drink, and then Kasumi started a poker game. EDI can call a mean bluff."
"You taught our advanced AI how to gamble?"
"No, she already knew. But I talked to Jack, just like you asked."
"As I ordered. There's a difference."
"Still, I think she should be fine. 'Twas beauty that tamed the savage beast, after all."
"Killed. Beauty killed the beast. Not tamed."
"Same difference."
"Oxymorons don't help anyone."
"I'm absolutely unsure of that."
"Stop."
"Let's just agree to disagree."
"Shepard, get out of my office."
"As you wish, Ozymandias."
"I'm not a broken pedestal."
"Ramesses II didn't think so either."
Miranda laughed, folding her arms.
"What's so so funny?"
"I just realized that I'm discussing poetry with a slaver. I'm surprised."
"Now you're looking for excuses to hate me."
"Excuse me?"
"You know full well that I spent 16 years on Mindoir. You shouldn't be surprised that I've heard one of the most famous poems ever written."
"I never said that was why I was surprised."
"Then why were you?"
"I half expected myself to have killed you this far into the conversation."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."
"My pleasure."
"Yeah, well, I'm gonna turn in."
"You'll want to get up early. The Major has a mission for you."
"Alenko trusts me now?"
"Not at all."
