Chapter 8

Jax pulled me by my left arm down the cracked walkway to his bike. I followed alongside just going through the motions, still stunned at what had just taken place. My life up until that point had always consisted of having to be the one to take care of my mother and dealing with some messed up shit along the way, but tonight she had taken it to a level I had never dreamt of. I stood there shakily, my head feeling as if it was drowning in the thickest fog, as he picked me up and carefully placed me on his motorcycle. He quickly jumped on and pulled my arms around his waist. He started the bike up and tore down the street obviously just wanting to get away from my house as fast as possible. When we got to the stop sign at the end of my street he slowed down and cut the engine off, planting his feet firmly on the pavement. He turned around silently and placed his helmet on my head fastening the strap under my chin, then he took off his navy blue hooded sweatshirt from under his cutte, threaded my arms through it and zipped it up. I looked down and saw that I was still barefoot, the foot pegs numbing the bottoms of my feet. He turned around and started the bike back up, pulled my arms back around him and sped off towards the highway.

Highways in this part of California are not like the highways that would normally come to mind. They are two lane roads that take you on a journey through seemingly endless miles of deserted land until you finally arrive at another hole in the wall town. No gas stations, no houses, just you, the road, a tumble weed or two and the big open sky. Jax kept his head forward, his body felt tense under my hands. I held tightly onto his waist and noticed my thighs were clenched against his as if I believed if I relaxed them even a little that I would fall to my doom off the back of his bike. I leaned my head back and looked up at the cloudless sky where a million stars twinkled brightly. It was so dark and clear, I don't think I have ever noticed the stars like that before. I noticed the goose bumps on my legs from the chilly night air coupled with the wind from the speed of the motorcycle, but I didn't feel cold. I didn't feel anything. I didn't know where we were going and I didn't care.

I closed my eyes and it all felt so familiar. The vibrations of the Harley under my legs, the wind whipping my hair, stinging my face, my arms around a strong comforting body, I felt as if I was with my dad again. When we would go for a ride it always seemed like the road stretched ahead of us forever. He would turn his head from time to time "You ok back there babygirl?" with a sideways smile and I would always answer "Faster dad". I felt as if I was super girl or had some special powers. It always made me forget about everything else and I would just relax and take in the world around me. Thinking about riding with my dad, a blanket of comfort suddenly lay over me and I began to feel safe. I put my cheek down on the soft leather of Jax's cutte and let myself escape from the world that was closing in around me.

We finally started to slow as we neared the approaching off ramp. I picked my head up curious to see where we were heading. We pulled off the highway and made a right traveling down a long winding road. With each turn we made the street lights slowly diminished, turning the trip black except for the moon overhead and the motorcycle's beam. We made another turn onto a dirt road, losing the moonlight as the trees rose around us. The numbness of the fight had begun to wear off and my senses were absorbing all that was around me. He turned down a driveway of a rustic style cabin and came to a stop. I could see from the movement of his shoulders that he had let out a sigh as his foot hit the dirt. He swung one leg and then the other off of the bike and grabbed my hand to help me down. I unfastened my helmet and handed it to him trying to read his eyes in the darkness. He stood staring at me as I shifted on the rocky dirt underneath me, then he finally spoke.

"This is Piney's cabin."

I stood there motionless waiting for his lead. I had no idea how to form the words I wanted to say to him.

"Let's get you inside," he said turning and walking towards the front door. I imagined we were allowed to be here because Jax took his keys and opened the door. He waited for me in the doorway and I passed by him, going inside. He followed me in and flicked on the light switch, tossing the keys to a nearby end table.

"How did you..."

"I got home and my mom told me the talk went south. I hoped I wasn't too late."

"Thank you," I said hoping he could see the sincerity in my eyes. His head was lowered and he looked tired. He scratched the side of his head with his hand.

"I won't make you talk about it tonight but there are things we need to discuss in the morning," he said pressing his lips together with a concerned look showing on his face. I figured he'd been thinking the whole ride too. I sighed silently but heavy, exhausted by the days events. I sunk into an arm chair not answering his statement. For the first time since I left I wondered about my mom, then quickly pushed the thought from my mind. I was so used to worrying about her. It almost felt like the right thing to do, while being here was way out of my comfort zone.

"There's a bedroom in the back. I'll show you where. You can get some sleep. I'll stay out here."

My thoughts fluttered to my job and I was relieved to remember I was off tomorrow. What would tomorrow bring? I couldn't stay away forever. I looked up at him and he was staring at me as if he was trying to read my expressions. I couldn't manage to get anything important out.

"I need to wash my feet."

"Ok, the bathrooms over here," he said making his way down the hall, so I got up and followed him. He opened a linen closet and handed me an old striped towel and then opened another door, "This is the bedroom where you can sleep, and this..." as he opened the door next to it, "is the bathroom. Do you need a drink or anything?"

"No thanks." This all felt really awkward.

"Ok, I'll be out here if you need me." He turned and headed back out towards the main room.

I stepped into the bathroom closing the door behind me and climbed in the tub sitting on the edge. I turned the warm water on and let it rise beneath my feet. I found the bar of soap and took my time washing the dirt from them. It felt good just to slide my legs back and forth in the water. I could hear him in the other room talking to someone on the phone. I remembered how angry he was at my house, his face so tense and his voice so loud the walls shook. I had never seen him that way before.

I turned my body so i was able to rest my back against the wall. I closed my eyes and started to zone out for what felt like forever. Finally, I pulled my slightly shriveled feet out of the bath and towel dried them off.

Jax knocked gently at the door "You alright in there?"

"Yeah, coming out now" I opened the bathroom door and he was standing there staring at me, his face had softened. He had taken off his cut and was wearing just a white t-shirt and dark jeans while I still had his sweatshirt on which completely covered every ounce of clothing I was wearing beneath. I felt something stir within me and tried not to focus on how appealing he looked right now. I looked back and forth between his eyes trying to figure out the look he was giving me. I stepped forward and hugged him, which was the only way I knew how to show him how much i appreciated what he had done for me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and strained my legs to stand up on the tips of my toes. He leaned forward into my hug, rubbing my back and stroked my hair with his hand. I thought about pulling back and attempting to kiss him like I had so many years before but I wasn't sure my heart could handle any more emotions today. I relaxed my arms and gently pulled away from the embrace.

"Will you lay with me?" I asked him. I thought I saw something flicker across his face and quickly disappear.

"Ok," he said rubbing his hand over his forehead and looking around hesitantly. I walked over to the bed and got under the covers. He slid in next to me still completely dressed and I smiled to myself realizing that he wasn't just a man looking to take advantage of a situation. "Turn over," he said. I rolled over on my right side and he slid up behind me. He brushed my hair to the side with his fingers and then he draped his left hand over my waist making me flinch slightly at his touch. But he didn't move it. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I felt safe and secure for the first time in a long time and I drifted off to sleep.