A/N: The Doctor is worried about getting his hair messed up by Legolas' stunt, and a certain elf has a mischievous side. A shout out to my lovely reviewers: Restrained . Freedom, Impossible is my reality, and Mr. Nikelai .Thanks!
And again, thanks to my beta Oakwrym!
Apples and Arrows
Legolas sighed as he rested his head against the walls of the cart. "Stop being so down!" exclaimed the Doctor.
"Are you so accustomed to capture that you laugh in the face of it?"
"I'm just very confident in my ability to get out of tight situations. This is definitely not a bad situation."
"Are you so relaxed in your position that you do not think of others?" Legolas grumbled and tried to readjust the rope on his wrist. "I have just sullied history. Taken the identity of a famed crossbowman that sparks a rebellion. How long must I pose in his stead? Must I go as far as to kill the lord? Surely you know the story."
"Of course I know the story," said the Doctor, rolling his head to the side along with his eyes. "What you don't understand is that things work out and if they don't, I'll make sure it works out. I'm the Doctor," he said, leaning forward and winking.
Legolas sighed and tiled his head down and to the side. "So you have told me now time and time again."
The Doctor grinned and returned to his original sitting position. "Then you should know it by now. Besides, I wouldn't have let us been tied up unless I had a plan." The Doctor bobbed his head. "Yes, I have plan. A very brilliant plan, just you see!" Just then the cart came to a halt. The guards came around and shuttled them through the doors of the overseer of Altdorf's house.
"Bow before his excellency Albrecht Gessler, Austrian Vogt of Altdorf," announced a straight-backed man standing at the side of an ornate chair, made to look like a throne. The man in the throne was resting his head on his propped up hand, a bored look in his eyes.
The Doctor bowed with flourish, his hand taking off an imaginary hat and spinning it in the process. Legolas glanced to his side, and grudgingly gave a curt bow, feeling ridiculously out of place, as his tie dangled forward with the bow.
"You are Tell?" asked the man on the throne, adjusting his posture, and leaning far back into the chair, his large belly protruding forward. Gessler laced together his ring-adorned fingers and placed them across his purple surcoat.
The Doctor smiled and pointed to Legolas. "He is!" The elf scowled.
"Ah, I have heard much of the famed marksmanship of William Tell of Bürglen"
The Doctor grinned and nodded. "Oh yes, the best of the best!" The elf deepened his scowl.
"Then pray, why did you not bow before my hat? I was appointed by a Hapsburg, do you not think me worthy?" One his hands were moved to the armrest, chubby fingers drumming it's surface. The other stroked his close cut, graying beard.
Legolas jumped in, his long experience at court making fluent in its ways. The elf bowed languidly, his head dipping down in surrender. "You are ever so worthy to have been appointed by none other than an emperor. As you had previously stated, we are but humble travelers, hailing from a town that is not as grand as the one that you command. We knew not of the rules of your fair city."
"Nevertheless!" barked Gessler. "Your actions must be punished. Send them to the stocks then set them to death!"
"Wait!" cried the Doctor. "My hair would get quite messy! You don't want this beautiful head getting rotten cabbage all mixed up with it! And what about having to pick out vegetables? I'm allergic to tomatoes! They make my left eye itchy! Why not let my friend show off his archery?"
Gessler smiled slyly and leaned forward as much as his girth would allow, his fingers creating a steeple of little sausages beneath his chin. "Yes, you have a point. You seem to value that head of yours, pray, exactly how much do you value it?"
"Apples are rubbish. I hate apples," growled the Doctor. Legolas shook his head in annoyance, and took the proffered crossbow and bolts from the guard.
"Worry not over your hair," breathed Legolas, his motions unsure. "Worry more over your life."
"Why's that?" asked the Doctor absentmindedly, as he tried to balance an apple on his nose.
Legolas grasped the string and pulled up, cocking the bow. "I know not how to shoot."
The Doctor stilled and slowly righted himself, the apple rolling off his nose and into his hand. "You… You don't know how to shoot?!" Legolas shook his head, and set his gaze on the Doctor, his eyes filled with a look of fear and sadness. "You're telling me, that in all of you 'long years' you never once picked up a bow?"
"I have seen it done many times. I never required the need to learn. I—I think that your life may be spared…with practice."
"Practice?!" shouted the Doctor, his eyes widening. "We have one practice shot. One!"
"Yes, and I managed to pull back the string!" said Legolas, a tinge of pride entered his voice.
"Oh brilliant!" said the Doctor rolling his eyes and slumping against a nearby tree. "You can pull back a string. Oh! I am done for. Dead. Finito. Kaputt. No more. To waste a perfectly good body on an arrow! I like this body. It's a good body. Dashing hair… Though maybe I'll be ginger…"
Legolas took a deep breath and, with shaking hands, slowly loaded the bow as the Doctor rambled on. "Well," stated Legolas, causing the Doctor to stop momentarily and look at the elf. "I think it's ready." Legolas said as he raised the apparatus.
"You think?!" exclaimed the Doctor, his hands exploding skywards and drifted into another long rant.
Legolas gave a shaky attempt at a reassuring smile, his eyes still jumpy and nervous. "I thought you had a plan."
"My plan required you knowing how to shoot! I thought I knew you knew how to shoot a bloody arrow! But now all this false knowing is just now knowingly getting us into trouble that I could've previously knowingly avoided if I knew!"
Legolas raised the bow, a slight tremble in his hands, and pulled the trigger. The arrow released with a snap and flew high over the target flying somewhere into the woods. The crowd of people that had gathered, Gessler included, laughed and jeered. Legolas' ears turned a slight shade of red. The poor shot sent the Doctor into another worried babble of words. "Brilliant! Just brilliant! I'm a dead man!"
Legolas turned to the Doctor, a worried expression across his face. "Take heart that that shot would not have been fatal."
The Doctor shook his head with another mumble of "brilliant" and "I wish my sonic screwdriver did wood." A guard approached the Doctor and herded him to a tree, where he backed him against it and placed the apple on his head. The Doctor watched as Legolas again struggled with the cocking and loading of the crossbow. The elf raised his weapon and the Doctor shut his eyes tight as he observed the elf's shaking hands.
"Stay still," called Legolas, the slight waver in his steady voice caused the Doctor to want to bolt, after all, running is how he solved these issues.
"Oh yes! Stay still he says!" retorted the Doctor, his eyes still sealed shut, but his head moved as much as he could without causing the apple to fall. "Stay still as my novice hands shoot a deadly projectile at you!" The Doctor's breathing became shallow. "Take a page from Schrödinger," mumbled the Doctor to himself. "If I open my eyes, I'll change the outcome. I can forever be in a flux of alive or dead."
Legolas sighted his target, and looked at the squirming Doctor. The elf took in his tightly closed eyes and his Elvish hearing listening to his frantic mumbling. A smirk started to form on Legolas' face. "Trust me." And with a twang the arrow released.
The Doctor paled as he heard the thud a second later, indicating the arrow had found its mark. But what mark? Alive or dead? Alive or— A cheering erupted from the crowd and the Doctor cracked his eyes ever so slightly open. Alive! The Doctor sprung away, patting himself in relief. "Oh every glorious part of me in tact!" The Doctor turned around and saw two perfect apple halves lying on the ground. The Doctor whipped back around and looked at the elf.
Legolas stood, the previous fearful and nervous countenance vanished, the bow resting comfortably against his shoulder, another bolt dangling listlessly between two of his fingers. The elf's mouth was curved upwards in a triumphant smirk. "Child's play," remarked Legolas with a wink.
The Doctor's mouth formed a large 'o' as he realized what had happened. "Oh, you cheeky little devil!" exclaimed the Doctor, his eyes narrowing. He quickly diminished the distance between them, his long coat fanning out behind him. Legolas grinned as the Doctor poked him hard in the chest. "You!"
Legolas let out a short laugh. "You should have gazed upon the fright you held!"
The Doctor scowled, then straightened himself and brushed his clothing. "I know you were lying," stated the Doctor, brushing out his shoulder. "I can feel the universe's song and I knew you were an archer. I just was playing along," the Doctor lengthened his neck as he adjusted his tie knot.
Legolas smirked again, "Of course, Doctor." At that moment Gessler approached them.
"Fine job," stated Gessler. "You friend was a pleasure to watch," The Vogt smiled, his belly shaking slightly as he gave a low laugh. "You are released. But," Gessler said, raising one pudgy finger. "Pray, why do you hold another bolt in your grasp?"
Legolas' sharp eyes drilled into the Vogt's, "Insurance," he stated, a smirk still playing across his features.
"Insurance, pray, against what evil?"
The Doctor tugged Legolas' suit, in an attempt to make the elf back down. "Don't," he hissed.
Legolas gave a quick glance to the Doctor and shook his head no. The elf turned back to Gessler, and in a steely voice uttered one word. "You."
The Vogt's face flushed a deep red and his beard quivered along with the fat in his face as rage pooled in his body. Legolas took several steps back, the Doctor following suit. Gessler raised a ring-adorned finger. "Seize them!"
The Doctor spun around, and grabbed Legolas by the wrist. "Run!"
A/N: And they're off! The Doctor has yet another companion that won't listen all the way and Legolas is starting to get his spark of life back. And as always, thanks for reading!
Review!
And remember: "Mix a little foolishness with your prudence: It's good to be silly at the right moment." ~ Horace
