Thank you to everybody who read or reviewed. Although nothing too blatant is going to happen because of the perspective, I'm wondering if we're starting to go into M territory. If you think I should raise the rating to M, let me know.


Sign Eight: Protectiveness, Caring, and Emotional support from a Vulcan.

Spock has always been protective of those he cares about, even if carrying is an emotion. When they were together, he always walked her back from night classes to make sure she was safe. When she dragged him to clubs or parties against his will no matter how much he really wanted to he did not leave until she was in the care of a friend.

Thinking about it now a crowded dance club is not the best place for a touch telepath to be. It's impossible to be in that type of place without being touched. In addition, some crazy little girl would try to play with his ears every time.

After they broke up most of the stupid guys on the crew that kept hitting on her backed off once their commanding officer told them in a very Vulcan way to stop annoying her. He also may have been the one to reprimand that idiot who sent her a second dirty message. By reprimand, she means forcing the idiot to be Scotty special engineering helper for the rest of his time on enterprise.

She is even starting to think that Spock isn't telling her about his new physical relationship with Jim because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. She knows they're physically together now even with the lack of confirmation. Seriously, Spock needs to remember not to bite in visible places

She is positive that they still don't realize how much they love each other. Maybe they think their friends with benefits, but she doesn't know this for sure because they won't tell her. Contrary to what they think, she will not fall apart just because Spock and Jim are now sleeping together.

He risked his life to save his mother even if he wasn't successful. Almost everybody but Jim and she will argue that Spock went down to a dying planet to save the cultural core of Vulcan civilization. Both she and Jim know that he risked his life to protect his mother. His failure to protect her in that instance has affected him deeper than anything else that occurred during those painful days.

She knows that Spock was very weary of His future stepmom T'Pay, because he was worried about his dad. Not that he would ever admit to such a thing. When Jim told Spock at their first chess game post Vulcan invasion that most children show they love their parents by trying to run off the perspective new partner, Spock said he did not understand human logic in this instance. She just laughed.

As soon as Jim managed to get himself on the very exclusive "people Spock cares about" list, Spock became very protective of Kirk. She could give dozens of examples where Spock put himself in danger to protect Jim.

The nerve pinch diplomatic incident is a prime example of jealous behavior, it is also a good example of protective behavior. From the footage she saw of the incident, the first thing Spock did was step in front of Jim when weapons were drawn.

When Jim tried to protect Spock's honored by punching out a certain aide to Ambassador Spock, Spock jumped right into the fight to keep Jim from getting his ass kicked by a guy three times stronger than him.

Spock also omitted certain facts when speaking to the Admiralty about the incident. Okay let's call it what it is, Spock lied to Admiral Pike to protect Jim.

She's also sure that he is lying about what happened in that conference room just as much as Jim was. Does Spock believe anybody but the severely delusional, thinks they were just discussing ship business in a locked conference room for an hour? There were so preoccupied in that room they didn't even realize that they were locked in. How did they manage to break a chair, if they were just discussing important matters pertaining to the ship? She's mentally rolling her eyes just thinking about it.

She is now aware that it would severely damage Jim's reputation if it became public knowledge that they had sex in one of its many forms in a classified conference room when they were supposed to be on duty.

Over the last 10 months, Jim has been doing a lot to rehabilitate his image as the ship slut. Most people on the ship are not familiar enough with Starfleet regulations to know that it's perfectly acceptable for Jim and Spock to be in a relationship. Sometimes the perception of wrongdoing is worse than the real thing. Spock would not do anything that would undermine Jim's command if it could be helped. Public knowledge of such an incident could undermine Jim's command.

She discovered another example of Spock's protectiveness just a few days ago. Spock was the one who had Brittany destroy the surveillance footage of Jim punching Schreck in the officers' lounge, not Jim as she originally suspected.

In exchange for not reporting her childish prank of locking him and Jim in the conference room, he asked her to destroy the footage before transmission to Starfleet so he could not be traced to the disappearance. Of course, somehow Starfleet found out about the whole thing anyway. (To see what happened during the most uncomfortable conversation she has ever witnessed with Admiral Pike, see her other reflection on captains and first officers who are in love but are to delusional to admit it to themselves, let alone Starfleet.)

Despite Starfleet not having any evidence of what happened during what Jim is referring to as the "invasion of the Vulcans" no one got away with what happen. The first person punished was Brittany, who was transferred to another ship less than 24 hours after the meeting with Admiral Pike. She will not go in to Jim and Spock's punishment right now because that deserves its own special rant.

Anybody on Enterprise would tell you that being transferred to a different assignment is a punishment even if a promotion was involved. Due to a shortage of qualified people, the crew of Enterprise has been susceptible to transfers. No one is happy about these transfers.

The fact that Brittany was transferred to the USS OBAMA cemented the idea that it was an actual punishment. You cannot even serve on a ship under the command of your parents without half a dozen waivers being signed. It was really not an issue until recently, but with so much of the fleet decimated after the Battle of Vulcan mandatory retirement ages were being thrown out the window.

She was well aware that it was a punishment even if others did not.

"You think they would have thought of something less cruel to do to her. Then again they transferred out 10% of my crew in the last week. " Jim said to her one day in the officer's dining lounge as they were eating lunch together. Someone did a really good job of putting the room back together again.

"I hardly think getting promoted is a punishment." Spock pointed out without even raising an eyebrow. She personally thinks Spock is just happy a certain ex girlfriend is gone. She caught him almost smiling for 1.2 seconds when he saw the transfer orders.

"It is when you have to serve under a woman who treats you like a deficient two year old. Captain Evelyn Thompson is not a nice person, even if she is a good captain. She hates her children because they can't be perfect enough. She sees them as props to advance her career and not as children. You don't act out like that when you have a happy childhood. If I ever have kids, I never want them the feel like they cannot be good enough." She knows from a lot of conversations in personal experience that there was more going on here than she was aware of, but she did and ask questions.

"I think my worst nightmare would be to have to work under my mother. Actually that would be my second worst fear. My worst fear, would be that they would transfer my bridge crew mid mission. Due to the command shortage I wouldn't be surprised if they try to give Spock his own ship eventually."

"Due to the fact that you out rank your mother, I seriously doubt that would ever be a problem." She could see Spock squeezing his hand a little under the table as he said this.

Honestly, did they really think she did not see these things? She wasn't like half the crew who were in denial about their relationship. People who were just friends do not act like these two. Then again maybe they're ok with her knowing this but not everyone else. She didn't know, because they wouldn't tell her.

"I don't think my actual rank would matter much to her. She still sees me as that complete fuck up who can never measure up to the ghost of my father. All she sees is his ghost. I could become an admiral and she wouldn't care. She could not even be bothered to call me after we all saved earth. She probably didn't care because she was off planet at the time. Let's just hope we never have the displeasure of stopping at Starbase 26." Picking up Jim's discomfort Spock quickly change the subject. Crazy moms who severely emotionally damage their children were not mentioned for the rest of the meal.


At the time, she was too busy focusing on his angry rant against his mother to pick up on the other thing he was worried about. She knows that Jim didn't have a very happy childhood. Everybody he cared about left him behind physically or emotionally. Even his brother ran away eventually. It was obvious that the possibility of his friends such as her or Dr. McCoy getting transfer to another ship before the end of the mission scared him. However, she knew what he was most afraid of was losing Spock. Unfortunately, it was highly probable.

Under normal circumstances, Spock would be able to serve out his full five years as Jim's first officer without the threat of transfer. The problem was there is a shortage of command officers thanks to a certain psychotic Romulan.

She may have over heard a recent conversation where Spock was offered his own ship. She may have also over heard Spock tell Starfleet under no circumstances whatsoever was he leaving Enterprise. Fortunately this time it wasn't an order. She hoped they came out of denial soon, because if this shortage gets worse, there won't be a choice anymore. It seems like the only thing that is going to keep Spock on the ship is tandem assignments for married couples. She wasn't sure at this point they really could function independently anymore.


A few weeks later, it seemed that one of Jim's worst nightmares was going to come true and it was not Spock being transferred to another ship. After a diplomatic mission that she was positive was Jim and Spock's real punishment for beating up an ambassador's aid the ship sustained a lot of damage in battle. Fortunately they were only a few casualties. They were ordered to Starbase 26 for repairs.

She was working on the bridge when the orders came through. It was the first time in a long time that she felt uncomfortable delivering orders. Her body tensed up as soon as she heard Starbase 26. She was sure the only person who could see it was Spock.

She gave the orders out as neutrally as possible. Only she and Spock saw the flash of pain in Jim's eyes as she said where they were going. It was enough to make her want to leave her station and hugged him. She wouldn't do that but Spock made some excuse to go over to Jim to sneak a Vulcan kiss during the middle of shift.

It wasn't that unusual for the two to make "accidental" hand contact during a shift but this was the first time it was so blatant. Even before the official breakup during really boring shifts when they were all together, to keep herself alert she would keep track of how many times their hands accidentally brushed during a shift. The record was 106 times during the first shift after the conference room incident. If they wanted her to believe that they weren't sleeping together they seriously needed to stop touching.

However, she knew that Spock would not make such a bold gesture unless Jim really needed the comfort.

Later after shift, she asked him why he initiated a Vulcan kiss with Jim in the middle a shift. Instead of answering, he asked her how her department was doing after the recent transfer of several of her staff to other ships. She just rolled her eyes, answered his question, and then asked him again why he kissed Jim Vulcan style on the bridge. He suddenly had to meet Jim in his quarters to modify schedules for the next two weeks while they were undergoing repairs.

She let him go, but not without making some snide comment about him using "modifying schedules" as a euphemism for sex. He just continued on to Jim's quarters without response.

This avoidance was not helping anybody. Avoiding your problems do not make your problems go away, it just means the situation is worse when you finally have to deal with what you have been avoiding for so long.

This was the case when Jim finally came face to face with his mother for the first time since he brought a boyfriend home during his first year at the academy.

They manage to avoid Lieutenant Kirk for their first four days of their stay on Starbase 26. Later, she discovered this was only because Spock micromanage Jim schedule in an effort to guarantee that they would never run into Jim's mom. From the dark stories of Jim's childhood that she and Spock had heard over the last few months they knew that keeping Jim away from his mother was for the best.

They never had a good relationship. According to Jim, she has always seen him as the ghost of his father and not his own person. She was never on earth long enough to get to know him. She ran back into the stars the moment she could. She couldn't love Jim so he acted out and downplayed his intelligence. She couldn't love Frank so he drank himself into the bottle and took it out on his nephews. She could never love Sam because he had his father's name, so he ran away.

She never cared enough to come back to earth, not when Frank almost died of alcohol poisoning, not when Jim drove his dad's car over a cliff, and not when Sam left for good. She spent most of her time trying to avoid ghosts and in doing that she missed out on the life going on around her.

The one time she cared enough to get angry was when Jim brought home a boyfriend. They haven't spoken since that unfortunate incident, until tonight.

Since the repairs were going well, they decided to go out to one of the local restaurants. Jim invited Dr. McCoy to come along, but he declined. This meant she was tagging along as the third wheel again.

It wasn't the first time they invited someone else to join them for a meal or some other recreational activity. Ever since Brittany was reassigned to the OBAMA, they've been inviting random crew members to eat lunch with them. She seriously didn't believe there story about this being an attempt to improve crew morel. Although she did have to give them kudos for being able to keep their hands off of each other during these activities.

She wasn't sure if Spock and Jim were trying to find her more friends or get her safely in another romantic relationship before they finally admit to their selves that they were dating. Friends were ok, but there was no way she was ever dating a fellow member of the crew again. It was a small miracle that they were able to become friends after everything that happened. If this occurred with anybody else, there probably would have been bloodshed on the bridge.

She was also not looking for a long-term relationship. She didn't want to get married. After what happened with Spock, long-term dating didn't seem very practical when she never wanted to move beyond that. Much to her step moms disappointment she wasn't planning on having kids unless there was an accident.

After nearly 300 years and an influx of alien technology, the pill was almost perfect. She doubted that an accident would occur if she had the opportunity to engage in any activity that could get her pregnant.

She would be perfectly fine with the occasional random hook up on shore leave or the occasional fling with an ambassador's aid. They did come in the male variety occasionally. However, between her overprotective captain and her protective ex boyfriend she seriously doubted she was getting laid any time soon unless she gave in to Jim's threesome idea.

It is possible that Spock actually growled at a waiter who tried to give her his contact information. Although maybe Spock was growling because the waiter also brushed his hand against Jim's when he was handing him his entree. Either way, the scared waiter retreated back into the kitchen just in time to miss the showdown between mother and son.

She should have known something was wrong the moment Jim stopped joking around with her and Spock. Not that Vulcans joked. They were at a another retro theme restaurant called the MTV Club which is notorious for playing the music from earth's golden age of music videos.

Before everything fell apart Jim just made a joke about the song Ex Girlfriend originally sang by the group No Doubt being her new personal anthem. She was about to reply that it wasn't, because it wasn't going to kill her to see Spock with him, she saw Jim go completely rigid. The smile disappeared from his mouth and the light in his eyes became that fire that appeared when he was about to go into battle. Appropriately enough the song switched over to Family Portrait originally performed by P!nk.

Spock tried to get them out of there before a confrontation could occur. It was too late.

The altercation between mother and son was bitter. There were no congratulations for Jim saving billions. There was no praise for becoming the youngest captain in history nor was there any consideration for all the wonderful things that he as commander of Enterprise, accomplished. There was a reason why Starfleet was poaching personnel from the Enterprise to fill command positions on other ships.

No her icy words and reproach full stare focused on the man she thought Jim was. No matter how many good things Jim did the woman still saw him as that complete fuck up from Iowa who can never measure up to the impossible standard set by a man Jim never met. She couldn't see past the ghost of the past. She truly felt sorry for her because she missed out on knowing a truly great person.

The bitterest comments were reserved for Jim's relationship with Spock. If the situation wasn't so painful she would laugh at the irony. Even the absentee mom could see what was going on between those two. Yet they were still in denial land.

In the interest of keeping these reflections tasteful, she will not repeat any of the homophobic slurs that Winona Kirk used. She will admit she had the sudden urge to throw a piece of 20th century decorum at the woman's head.

The words from Winona were so hurtful, Spock looked ready to pounce. His eyebrows were raised as far as possible. His eyes were dark, as if he was going into battle. One hand was clenched in anger the other one was being trapped by Jim.

For months now she's been convinced that they can communicate without words. Originally she thought it was just body language. Jim could read the movements of Spock's eyebrows as well as she could. Spock could understand Jim's expressions as easily as she could understand Klingon. Recently she did some research on Vulcan touch telepathy. The information was quite scarce, but she did find a very interesting research paper from T'Pay.

She already knew it was possible for emotions to be transmitted through touch. She used this knowledge a few months ago to initiate their breakup. From the research paper it turns out that words could be transmitted if the connection is deep enough with truly compatible minds. If a formal bond existed, the two parties involved could communicate without words without touching.

She felt like that was happening right in front of her. She couldn't hear what was being said, but body language alone told her enough. Spock was going into protective mode. He wouldn't let a woman who was only Jim's mother because of DNA heard him like this. Just as it seemed that Spock was going too verbally pounds on the woman Jim stopped him.

"I need to take care of this myself." As he said the words the song changed to Numb by Linkin Park. The lyrics were eerily appropriate.

She knew Spock wanted to protect Jim from this confrontation, but he did as asked. He squeezed Jim's hand before he let go. Anyone familiar with Vulcan anatomy knows that gesture was just as intense as any kiss on the lips.

"I'm not dad. I may look almost exactly like him but I am not him. I never was nor do I want to be. I've done a whole lot of good things that you don't see. You were never around long enough to see anything in me beyond the ghost of a dead man. I will never be what you want me to be. Yes mom I am sleeping with my first officer. Yes, I Care about him. No I don't give a fuck what you think. No, I don't care what Starfleet thinks. From what I understand, they are actually okay with it. Then again, I have more respect for Admiral Pike's opinion then yours." The anger seemed to drain from his body as he physically walked away.

What happened next was completely shocking to her. Other than the transporter room incident, Spock never kissed her or anyone else in public let alone initiate such a kiss. Within seconds Spock's lips were on Jim's in a planet shattering "I think they're going to go at it in the middle of the restaurant" kiss.

Honestly, she wasn't expecting to see it so soon. Not in front of her anyway. They could explain away the Vulcan kisses and blow jobs by feigning ignorance or Jim claiming he forgot about the sensitivity of Vulcan hands. They couldn't deny this, especially when she took pictures.

When they got back to the ship she was honestly expecting them to claim that the whole thing was a show for his mom. What she got was a shocking apology for her finding out that way. Of course, they did not admit that they were in love with each other.

Instead she got a 15 minute explanation on how it was perfectly logical for them to engage in various sexual activities with each other even though they were still "just friends". How on earth or any other planet for that matter, do they honestly expect her to believe that they were just friends when they were sleeping with each other? On a positive note, confessing that they were in a physical relationship was the first step out of denial land.

Maybe if she didn't see the way they were around each other she could believe the "friends with benefits" thing. Maybe if she didn't see how protective Spock was of Jim she could believe it. Maybe she could believe it if she didn't see the way they looked at each other when they didn't think the other was looking. They can tell each other that it's just sex, but she knows it is lovemaking. These two men bring delusional to a whole new level.

She honestly doesn't have the energy to argue with them. If they want to believe that you can be just friends with someone you are having sex with, that's fine. It wouldn't help any way to argue. They are not going to come out of their happy delusion unless they were brought out kicking and screaming. She just sincerely hoped that Spock being transferred to another ship will not be there wakeup call.