The week goes by swiftly for Castiel, mostly uneventful except that he is buoyed up by the thoughts of the movie on Friday. He tries desperately to keep himself busy, spending extra hours in the library with his literature study group and actually joining in on their discussion of Chaucer. Usually, he would keep quiet and let them do the talking, but confidence bubbles up inside him and he argues convincingly that The Wife of Bath is a proto-feminist work. Everyone falls silent and listens to his explanation, and at the end of it Ben Dowson tells him he's going to ace the test with theories like that. Castiel suppresses a smile and thinks back to Dean hugging him at the Halloween party.

On Wednesday afternoon his Renaissance Literature workshop is cancelled, so he lies on his bed and stares at his cell. He wants to call Anna, but he knows she's still in her lecture, so he forces himself to finish his homework on Middle English lyrics instead. Half way through, he loses interest and turns on his computer to read up some reviews for Paranormal Activity 4. When Anna eventually finishes for the day, she drops by Castiel's apartment, puts on the kettle, and tells him about Crowley. She tells him that Crowley was the one who insisted on going to look for him; she'd contacted him on Facebook, since no one else seemed to be around, telling him she was worried about Cas and wanted to go look for him. Crowley had insisted on going himself, told Anna to stay put, stay safe. Castiel had to laugh at that, though he felt a hot prickle of shame at the thought of Crowley wrestling him into a cab in the dead of night; it's just that no one ever tells Anna to stay put and stay safe. Anna swats him on his arm for laughing, but there's a slight tint in her cheeks that suggests that she doesn't actually mind Castiel laughing, because she finds it ridiculous too. She leaves some hours later and Castiel falls asleep listening to The Mamas and Papas.

On Thursday he calls his mom; he hasn't talked to her in a while and he feels like he should call her. They talk about the usual things: school work, how things are at home, why Castiel doesn't have a girlfriend, and how is that lovely Anna. His mom had been hinting that he and Anna should be together ever since she first met her. Anna had made cookies out of sheer nervousness, and it had been the exactly right gesture. A little too right, because now Cas's mom wouldn't let it go. He sighed.

"She's seeing someone now." He said, keeping his tone cheerful. "She's so happy, and he's actually kind of a great guy... well, for Anna, anyway." He closes his eyes against the silence at the other end. He thinks of Dean's green eyes, warm and laughing, and braces himself for his mother's next words.

"Well." She says. "Well. I guess you missed the boat on that one, huh?" She says, trying to keep it neutral, but he can hear the disappointment. He grits his teeth.

"Mom, Anna and I were never… it's not like that." He says slowly. "We're friends. Good friends. And I'm truly happy for her, Crowley's exactly her type." His stomach drops because he knows what the next question will be.

"And why, pray, is it 'not like that' with you and Anna?" She asks. She is not combative, she just wants to know. He lets out a little laugh, nervous.

"Mom, she's... I…" He stutters on the words. There is an expectant, knowing silence. He doesn't want to tell her like this. Not over the phone. It's only weeks until Christmas break, he can tell her then. He thinks he's ready. "Mom, it's just not, okay? We don't have that kind of chemistry." He hedges. There is another waiting silence, and then she speaks.

"Castiel, son, I just… I want you to be happy." She tells him. "I want you to find somebody who makes you happy." A weight lifts off Castiel's heart, a weight he hadn't realized was there. He thinks she knows already, but he wants to tell her himself. Christmas isn't that far away.

"Thanks, mom." He says, voice thick. "I'll be home for Christmas, okay?" After a few more words, they hang up, and Castiel feels lighter. When Anna comes over later, he tells her his plan to come out to his mom over Christmas, though now that he's had time to think about, dread has been growing in his belly.

"She's going to be so happy, I just know it." Anna says, sitting up cross-legged opposite Castiel who has perched himself at the end of his bed with Chaucer: The Cambridge Companion in his lap. Castiel knows she's right, knows that his mum will be more than happy for him, but he just can't shake the feeling that something is going to go wrong. "Are you going to tell Michael?" Anna asks, and there it is, there's the problem. Michael. Is Castiel going to tell his alcoholic, abusive, homophobic, sexist brother that he's gay? Probably not, no. Anna reads his facial expression and shoots him a sympathetic smile. "You should tell him, he might be alright with it." Castiel laughs.

"Yeah or he might tear me to pieces." He croaks, his voice hitching slightly. "It's better for everyone if Michael never finds out."

"He's your brother." Anna says softly. "Would he really hurt you?" Castiel thinks back to school, back to when he was being bullied and Michael did nothing to stop it. Michael would stand at school gates smoking cigarettes with his friends, ignoring the geeky kid who was being pushed around right in front of him, the geeky kid that was his helpless little brother. He'd wanted more than anything for Michael to step in, to tell the bullies to leave his kid brother alone, because he knows that the bullies would have listened. All Michael had to do was step in just once, and Castiel would have been left alone. But he never did, and Castiel had to suffer because of it. He knows Michael thought it would "toughen him up", but he'd wished for a compassionate brother instead of an overly macho one. And even now he can't help resenting it, and knows that Michael hasn't changed a bit; Michael isn't the kind to change.

"He's hurt me in lots of ways." Castiel says, trying to compose himself. "He's never physically hit me or anything, but..." He takes a deep breath, remembering Michael's impassive face while some jock roughed him up. "But there are worse things you can do to someone than hit them." Anna nods, picking up on Castiel's tender voice. She changes the subject to her own family, and what she plans on doing for Christmas, and eventually Castiel starts to perk-up again.

They spend the evening going through Anna's next psychology assignment, trying to figure out exactly what the question means and how Anna should go about tackling it. Anna thinks the question wants her to answer based on her own opinions, but Castiel thinks it means to answer based purely on secondary sources, so they agree to disagree and talk about Dean instead.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?" She asks, lying down on Castiel's bed with her psychology text book over her chest. Castiel is arranging his books in alphabetical order.

"I'm excited about going, and about seeing Dean, but not about the movie; I've read some reviews and it sounds really scary, I'm not good with scary movies." Castiel says.

"You'll be fine. You can always hold Dean's hand if you get scared." Anna says with a smirk. Castiel pretends to throw a book at her.

"Shut up, I'm not going to hold his hand. I'm going to act like a civilised human being."

"A civilised human being with a huge boner for Mr. Freckles." Anna laughs, grinning at the glare Castiel is sending across the room.

"You are terrible. You are a terrible person, and you're never going to get into Heaven." Castiel says, a playful smile on his lips. Anna pretends to look hurt, but instead she gets up and, in relation to nothing they are talking about, hugs him hard. She puts her arms around him and squeezes, and Castiel hugs her back just as fiercely. They may not have the kind of chemistry his mom hoped for, but they still love each other, and he takes comfort in knowing Anna will be behind him, no matter how Christmas goes.

Friday drags, but eventually classes are over and he goes home to change. He pulls on the grey jeans he wore on Halloween and a clinging, slightly over sized t-shirt, hoping he looks okay. Then he heads to Anna's. She's getting ready for the date, so he sits down and writes the conclusion to the Oedipus Complex paper she's working on, or rather, Castiel has been working on. She's still not ready though, so he begins folding the shirts she threw on the bed while she was frantically trying things on and discarding them, trying to decide what to wear. When she comes out of the bathroom, she sees the neat pile and shoots him a grin.

"You do realize I do it on purpose, don't you?" She says. "I like how you fold my shirts." He laughs at her, giving her a nudge when she's close enough. She nudges back, and picks up the phone to call Crowley. His voice is sleepy, which gives it a rougher, sexier growl, and he says he can't wait to see her. She smiles into the phone and they chat a few minutes and then hang up.

"He said Dean is excited." Anna calls out from the kitchen when she goes to iron her shirt. Castiel moves into her front room, sitting cross-legged on the sofa eating chocolate digestives and reading Chaucer. He smiles into his biscuit.

"Why is he excited?" He calls back innocently. He has to keep reminding himself that this isn't a double date, but every pore in his body is screaming otherwise. Though he's tried to keep a grip on his dignity where Dean is concerned, he can't help remembering how Dean's weight had felt so perfect, so comfortable against his shoulder. How dean would shoot him those little looks while making coffees, a secret half smile on his lips if he was making a caramel cappuccino. How his green eyes had glowed with warmth and amusement when he'd coaxed Cas into seeing this movie. And now Dean is excited. And Dean is not interested in having a girlfriend.

"Probably because he's going to be seeing your sweet little face." Anna answers, popping her head around the door and grinning at him. He keeps his eyes on the book, feeling a blush creeping into his cheeks. "Do you want a cup of tea before we leave?" Castiel shuts his book, knowing there's no way he's going to be able to concentrate on it now that the double date is only half an hour away.

"No thank you. If you're having one then be quick because we don't want to be late." Castiel says, frowning at how much he sounds like his mother. Anna decides to skip the tea and orders them a cab to the theatre. It arrives late, but they manage to get there before Dean and Crowley anyway. Castiel is picking at the hem of his jacket and Anna swats his hand away, telling him to relax.

They stand outside the cinema complex and Castiel looks at the movie posters, tracing his finger along the text. He is in the middle of telling Anna about the reviews when Crowley and Dean step out of the parking lot. Crowley is wearing his usual black-jeans-black-shirt combo, and Dean is in a pair of casual jeans with a black Led Zeppelin top. Castiel suddenly feels nervous about his own clothes and wonders if Dean will find it weird that he's wearing 50% of his Halloween costume.

"Castiel." Crowley nods his head towards Castiel, hands deep in his pocket. He remains straight-faced until he turns to Anna, and Castiel can see the corners of his mouth curling just at the sight of her. "Anna."

"Crowley." Anna smiles and pressing their lips together. They hold each other's gaze for a few seconds before Crowley is interrupted by Dean's laughter.

"Come on Romeo, let's go in." Dean says, rolling his eyes and turning to Cas to smile at him. "Hey caramel cappuccino, you feeling better? You seemed pretty down on Sunday." Castiel bites his bottom lip to stop himself grinning like an idiot and nods.

"Yeah, much better thanks; I think I was just hung over." They follow Anna and Crowley into the cinema and wait in line to pay for their tickets.

"So what happened to you on Saturday night?" Dean asks, a serious look in his eyes. "I was looking for you but I couldn't find you." Castiel's eyes widen. Dean was looking for him, as in going out of his way to find Castiel because he... well...

"Why?" Castiel finds himself asking, his tone more blunt than he intended. He realises how strange this question sounds after he's already asked it. Dean looks a little taken aback.

"Why was I looking for you?" Dean says, making sure he heard Castiel right. "Because... I wanted to see you, I guess." His voice is soft and a little confused and Castiel feels like an idiot.

"I wanted to see you too." He says quickly, blushing at his own words and trying not to stare at Dean's mouth. "I left because..." Castiel thinks back to why he left and decides it's probably best if he doesn't tell Dean the whole truth. "Because I needed to um- I needed to do... assignments, and stuff." Dean gives a small chuckle and shakes his head; it's obvious that he knows Castiel is lying, and Castiel just wants to rewind and start this whole conversation again.

"Assignments?" Dean repeats, cocking his head to one side and giving him a sceptical look. "If you didn't want to hang out with me, it's cool, I won't take it personally." Castiel is struggling to breathe because no, no, no, and no.

"It's not that at all." Castiel says, his voice hitching. "I just... I saw you..." Castiel sighs, realising that he either needs to tell Dean the truth or have Dean think he hates him. "I saw you with a girl and I figured you probably didn't want to be interrupted. And I didn't really know anyone else there so I just left." A look of guilt spreads across Dean's face. Castiel wants to kiss it all away.

"I'm sorry." Dean says softly, and Castiel can't help but take it straight to his heart, because Dean doesn't even need to apologise, at all, but he is and Castiel just wants him so badly. "I was drunk and when I'm drunk I get..." Dean laughs to himself, clearly uncomfortable and self-conscious. "When I'm drunk I'm needy, so..." Dean trails off and Castiel shoots him a sympathetic smile.

"It's okay, I get it." He answers. And he does get it, because he's needy too, and when he's drunk he starts thinking about things that he knows will upset him, but he can't stop it, and he can't stop himself from wanting Dean and wanting Dean's attention. And Dean wants attention too, and Castiel wasn't there, but what if he had been? Would Castiel have been the one kissing his neck? The thought somehow upsets him, because he doesn't just want to be a pawn, he wants to mean something. They are almost at the front of the queue when Dean smiles at him. Castiel notices how Dean is only a few inches taller than him, and how if they hugged, Castiel would fit snug into Dean's neck. And then Castiel remembers that they did hug, and he feels warm again.

They pay for their tickets and Anna makes sure that she and Crowley lead the way so that Dean and Cas end up sitting together. Castiel makes a mental note to thank her later. They find seats at the back of the theatre and wait for the trailers to roll. Castiel is sitting on the end of the row, with Dean on his right followed by Crowley and then Anna. They pass a box of popcorn amongst themselves and laugh at how cheesy some of the trailers look. Crowley makes a comment about an actress he finds attractive but Dean disagrees.

"I just don't see it. I mean she's definitely not ugly, but I can't say I'm attracted to her." Dean says, narrowing his eyes at the screen. Crowley gives him a self-satisfied look.

"There's a surprise." He says, the statement rolling off his tongue as though this is something they joke about on a regular basis. Dean glares at him and Anna rolls her eyes. Castiel feels a shiver run down his spine, but he stays still and tries to remain stoic.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Dean asks, a little irritated.

"You know what it means." Crowley answers, staring straight ahead. Dean begins to look uncomfortable, and Crowley quickly laughs it off. "It just means you don't like blondes." Dean gives him a look, but he seems to relax again and within minutes it's as if nothing was ever said.

The movie starts and Castiel finds himself closing his eyes before anything has even happened. He jumps and bites his tongue when the demon child pops out, but he pulls his knees up to his chest and tries to stay quiet. Crowley and Dean seem to be loving it, and Anna has her head buried in Crowley's shoulder, so Castiel figures she's having the same reaction that he is. About half way through Castiel feels like he cannot watch anymore, and simply rests his head on his knees. Dean glances over at him and puts a hand on his knee. Castiel jumps at the contact.

"I'm so sorry!" Dean whispers, trying not to laugh at Castiel's reaction. "I didn't mean to make you jump, I was just gonna ask if you're okay." Castiel blushes a little and looks at Dean hand, which is still on his knee.

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, well, no. I don't like scary movies." Castiel explains quietly. Dean frowns.

"We didn't have to see a scary movie, we could an action film or something." Dean offers, and Castiel leaves out the part where he doesn't like action movies either.

"It's okay, you all wanted to see this. I can deal with it." Castiel tries not to focus on the fact that Dean's hand is still on his knee. But it is, and it feels great. Dean looks a little lost for a second, his gaze lingering on the side of Castiel's face, and then suddenly he turns and goes back to watching the film, taking his hand with him. Castiel watches out of the corner of his eye as Dean swallows awkwardly. And then something happens, because something is groping around on Castiel's chair, and something is feeling for his hand, and then something is lacing its fingers in between Castiel's fingers, and that something is Dean.

Dean is holding Castiel's hand. Dean has his fingers in between Castiel's fingers, and Dean is stroking Castiel's skin with his thumb. The gesture is hidden away safely in the darkness between their chairs, but Castiel can see it, he can physically see Dean holding his hand, and on the screen someone is screaming and crying and Castiel is biting the inside of his mouth to keep himself together. He can feel the warmth and softness of Dean's hand in his own, and he feels protected. Because Dean Winchester is holding his hand and this is so much more than Castiel ever expected to happen, and he doesn't know what to do, or how to take it. He doesn't know if this means something, or if it's just a simple friendly gesture because Castiel is scared. Will they need to talk about it? Will Castiel have to admit that he's been pining over Dean for months now? Will Dean pretend it never happened? Are they going to hold hands until the end of the movie? And what about afterwards? Will Dean acknowledge that it happened? Castiel's mind is buzzing with questions, but he pushes them to one side and focuses purely on the fact that right now he's holding hands with Dean Winchester.

After what feels like barely a few minutes, the movie ends and the lights come on. Dean is still holding Castiel's hand, and Castiel doesn't dare move. Dean looks at him and Castiel must be insane because he swears that Dean was looking directly at his mouth. But he does a little cough and slowly takes back his hand. Castiel feels his insides whimper at the loss on contact, but he tells himself it doesn't matter, because it happened.

Anna and Crowley are already discussing the best parts of the movie, so Dean and Castiel get their jackets on and start to head down the steps. Anna manages to push forward into Cas, and gives him a hug from behind, asking him if he managed not to piss his pants out of fear. Castiel rolls his eyes and lays his head back on her shoulder. This is when they realise how bad this must look to Crowley and quickly break away. Castiel is relieved when he turns and sees Dean and Crowley still at the top of the steps, talking in hushed voices. Castiel turns to Anna, unable to contain himself any longer.

"He held my hand." He says excitedly. Anna's mouth drops.

"He held your hand?" She repeats, a huge smile spreading across her face. "Oh my God, Cas! This is actually happening, something is actually happening!" Castiel beams into his hands because as much as he doubts himself and as much as he doubts his ability to ever function as a normal human being, he knows Anna is right. Guys don't just hold other guy's hands at scary movies. Not guys they've only just started getting to know. Dean held Castiel's hand because he was making a statement. Because he wanted Castiel to know that he's in this too, that maybe, just maybe, the feeling is mutual.