Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you recognize

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you recognize.

James stood there in the kitchen, making breakfast, but not really paying attention to what he was doing. He absentmindedly put a strong dash of sugar in his omelet while heaping a spoonful of salt into his coffee. His eyes kept on darting towards the hallway outside that kitchen that led to his and Lily's room, hoping that he'd hear the door open and see Lily's red head bobbing up and down, still full of sleep. But it seemed that his hopes were of no avail, for no door opened and no spirited young woman came out, ready to take the world on. This had been going on for a few days now.

Every morning, James woke up, hoping that this would be the day that Lily would gather the courage to leave her room and meet the world head on, but everyday Lily continued to hide in her room, despite all of James's pleas and attempts to get her moving. James's eyebrows furrowed as he frowned and seemed to make a decision.

"Lily? Can I come in?" He knocked at her door and when there was no answer, he took it as assent and opened the door to see Lily sitting on her bed, staring aimlessly on the bed. James's heart went out to this frail young girl who had stood strong against all the insults from where she came from and who she was, both at school and at home, but now she sat there, almost broken.

"Lily?" he whispered. She turned to look at him and smiled wanly.

"I'm okay James, I really am." Her voice wavered.

"Nice try, I'm not a stranger you know."

"No I know that, but I am not here wallowing in self-pity, how to get up and move. I'm not doing that." James looked at her, a little taken aback. That is exactly what he'd thought that she was doing. She noticed his astonishment and chuckled humorlessly.

"If you're not doing that, then what are you doing? I'm getting a little worried here Lily, this isn't healthy, you just sitting in your room all day, not eating or drinking besides the small amounts of water that I manage to force down your throat."

"Remembering."

"Huh?"

"I'm remembering." James looked at Lily. Her normally neat hair was astray as it was obvious that she hadn't even bothered to run a hand through it in the last three to four days. The bottom of her eyes were covered in dark circles as if she hadn't slept in weeks and was nearing exhaustion. Her slender body had now turned wraithlike from the lack of food and her healthy complexion was bordering ghostlike white.

"Remembering what?" he settled more comfortably on her bed, forcing her to lie down next to him.

"Everything. I am remembering everything that I can that I've done in my entire life, everything that I've seen, everyone I've met, everything James. But you know what I figured out? That it doesn't really matter if I remember everyone or not because in the end, nobody matters except those who matter to you."

"Lily…"

"I know, I'm not making any sense. But hear me out. We spend our whole lives meeting new people, making new friends, wanting to expand our "horizons" and experiences but for what? What use is that? What use is meeting the new people when sometimes, all you want is right there in front of you? I just realized that everyone I ever wanted to meet, I met by the age of twelve. I spent all those years trying to build relationships with these people whom I will probably never see again, and even if I do, it will just be passing. In order to build these friendships and develop myself as a human, sometimes I ignored the people who truly meant the world to me. And when I realized the mistakes that I had made, it was too late. It was too late James for me to undo the damage that I'd already done. It was too late for me to become nicer to you and erase all the hurtful things I'd said to you, it was too late for me to try and become a better person, a nicer sister, the best daughter that I could be. It was too late because I'd turned into this person that sometimes I don't even recognize. What if I am a terrible person James? What if it was my fault that my parents got murdered, and no I'm not saying this about the whole magic or witch thing. I mean, what if the universe is using this as a way to get back at me for all the terrible things that I've done? I'm trying to remember everything just so I can rationalize this happening.

"Lily, are you out of your mind?" James almost yelled, but he reminded himself in time that she was going through a tumultuous time. He sat up abruptly and made her sit too and grabbed a hold of her shoulders.

"No James, I'm not crazy and I'm not insane. I am just a person trying to figure out why. I know how, I know where and when, but I don't know why. And I need to figure that out before I put this behind me and move on."

"Okay fine, you want to talk about remembering, then let's talk about remembering. What do you remember?" Lily looked at James, his eyes were flashing with intensity, but she couldn't figure out what was it. "Tell me Lily, what have you remembered so far?" There was almost a taunting edge to his tone.

"I remembered all the mistakes that I made. I remember not listening to Mum when she told me not to eat cookies for breakfast, I remember getting mud on my dress when we were supposed to visit Grandma's. I remember lying about what I was doing awake past my bedtime, I remember when I borrowed one of Dad's shirts and when I ended up ripping it, I threw it away and let them think that it had gotten lost somewhere. I remember playing tricks on Petunia, ready to do magic on her, when I knew that I wasn't allowed to but I just wanted to see her run away in fright or scream for Mum or Dad. I remember pushing away Annie and Kiera when I first met them, when I did everything possible to keep them away from me because remember when I thought that I hated them? I remember the times when I resented every memory and moment that they shared without me because I felt left out. I remember hating Kiera so strongly at one point because she took Annie away from me, at least that's what I thought back then. I remember wishing ill on Sirius when he helped you play those stupid pranks on me. I remember questioning Peter's intelligence level every time he didn't know the answer to a question in class or when he made a bungling mistake. I remember being horrible to you James, yelling all those horrible things to you over the year, blaming the state of our lack of friendship on you completely, without taking into account of my actions or accepting responsibility. I remember being a bitch towards you, making your life a living hell the first couple of months as Head. I remember promising myself that I would never compromise what I wanted as Head Girl just to make peace with you. I remember hating Dumbledore for picking you as Head Boy, it seemed as if the whole world was out to get to you. I remember feeling as if everything that was done was just to make my life miserable, doesn't that make it sound as I thought that the world revolved around me?" Lily took a deep breath as if she was to continue her list of grievances against herself, but James interrupted her once more.

"You've talked and I've listened, now it's my turn to talk. Lily, everyone has those small fibs and lies that we tell our parents when we were younger. We all did this random things that our parents told us not to do, but we did them anyways, but that doesn't make you a bad person just because you ate cookies. I promise you that your parents wouldn't hold that against you at all because they know the type of person that you have become. You have got to believe me on that one. Petunia, I can't really say much because I've never dealt with her, I've never even talked to her, but I also do know that if she had that kind of an attitude against you just because you were a witch, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe the most mature thing in the world wasn't to tease her and threaten to do magic on her, but hey, none of us are really mature at any age. We all have the tiny things that make us tick, that bring out the immature child in us, but once again, that doesn't make you a bad person. It just makes you human. Kiera and Annie both love you, they've wanted what's best for you and I get that you guys had a hard journey getting to the relationship and the bonds that you three have built, but isn't what makes it better? The fact that you had to fight, the fact that you cared enough to fight for each other? Doesn't it make you feel better that they know that you can be a little jealous, that you don't like people intruding on your friendships and they still wanted to remain friends with you? Doesn't that say something about your character and who you are? Doesn't it say something about the type of person they think you are. Don't even bother thinking about those small trivialities about Sirius and Peter, I promise you that neither of them lost a moment's worth of sleep, Sirius especially. He's thick-skinned, and even if he wasn't, he'd take great pride in knowing that he irritated you by playing pranks on you. And for me, just as much as you ranted at me and made my life a living hell, I did the same to you. Sometimes I did it without provocation, just to see your face turn red with anger and to see you scream and yell at me. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think so, at least I wouldn't like to think so because even if we did say some really hurtful things to each other, I also know that if it ever came down to it, if we ever really and truly needed each other at any point, we'd have been there. And I'm not just saying that now, but I thought so even then."

"James…"

"No, I'm not finished yet. You remember all of these things about you, but you know what, this is not what any of us remember when we think of you. When I think of you, I remember this strong girl who's done so much in her life in such a short period of time. I remember this girl who met my fire with fire, ice with ice and yet managed to become one of my best friends, a girl whom I trust with my life even at this very moment. I remember a girl who would do anything for her friends, but yet managed to retain her individuality and remain true to herself. I'm sure that when Annie or Kiera think of you, they think of their best friend who has been with them every step of the way since the very beginning, even when you guys weren't on the best times. They remember the girl who sat with them at the Hospital Wing, holding their hands while they were getting their bones regrown or when they were delirious with fever. They remember the girl who helped them to study for their exams when they had slacked off instead and gone out on dates instead. They remember their friend who was just there for them and who listened to them. I also know that the other boys hold you in the highest of regards, you're the girl who went from spewing curses at them to being there for Remus when you found out what he was, for not alienating him over something he had no control over. You became one of us, the one on the secret, the one who accepted him for he was. And I don't think that your parents would've remembered you as the daughter who ate cookies or did naughty things that any small child is bound to do. Instead I'd like to think and I am quite confident on this one, they remember a daughter who has grown into a beautiful woman, both on the inside and the outside. A daughter who stayed away from her childhood home and family to try and keep them safe, a daughter who worked hard throughout her seven years at school to make her parents proud. A daughter who loved her parents so much right till the very end, and who will continue loving them even after that, maybe even through time. A daughter who is strong and knows her mind, a daughter with her two feet on the ground and who can manage herself. Lily, things like those don't really matter, when it is the big things that do. Your parents loved you, they wouldn't have wanted you beating yourself up over things like this. Petunia, I frankly don't give a damn about. You are an amazing person and yes, you may have done some things that you aren't proud of, but you know what, none of us are. We all have regrets in our lives, but if we let those regrets take over, then what are we left with? Just painful memories that just hurt us."

"It's easier to hurt myself thinking about the bad memories James, because when I think of the good ones, the hurt becomes stronger and the tears start falling." Lily whispered, turning her face towards him for the first time since he began his tirade. He stared back at her evenly.

"Aren't the good memories what we're fighting for? What exactly do you think we're doing here, Lily. We're here, and I mean this very moment right now, this whole mission, everything, we're here so that the world can remain a safer place. So that we can stay alive long enough for what, the terrible times to overtake our lives? Who would want to live a world that is ruled by emotions such as those? Lily, we're fighting for good, and not just good and evil as in personality, but good for everything. We're fighting for the good memories that we've made, and for those that are to come in the future. If you block those out, if you block everything good that you have done, then what is it that you're living for? Why bother breathing and eating and all of that if you want to concentrate on the bad and evil? Because that isn't living, that is just existing, and existing is not what you're meant to do. None of us really are, but least of all someone like you who loves life and everything precious about it. Now before I start sounding like a wuss, let me stop right here, but Lily you can't do this to yourself. I won't let you. Do you understand me?"

"James," Lily sobbed and threw herself against James's chest and cried.

"Shh," James stroked Lily's back, trying to soothe her. "I know, Lily, just let it out."

"It's just…it hurts so much more when I think of everything, I want to go back to Mum and hug her again and smell her shampoo, I want to hear Dad's laughter and his stupid jokes so that when I laugh, I laugh so hard that my stomach hurts." She sobbed.

"I know it does Lils, but this isn't you. It has to hurt, that's why it's called grieving, that is why you miss your parents. But this is not the way to spend the rest of your life. You're stronger than that, you're better than that. Do you understand me?" Lily nodded, pulling away from the circle of James's arms.

The moment she was out of his reach, she felt a sense of emptiness which she shook away and James lay his hands limply on his side.

"I'm sorry that I got your shirt wet," she sniffed, noticing the dark patches that her tears had left on his clothes.

"Do you honestly think that I care if you got my shirt wet?" James pulled her chin up so he could look at her face clearly, without her trying to hide anything. "Are you okay?"

"No, but I will be." She replied honestly. James searched her face for any lies, but he didn't find any.

"Good." He said with a tone of finality.

"James? Will you do me a favor?" she asked softly, playing with the edge of the worn blanket.

"What is it Lily?"

"Will you tell me stories about good times that we had at Hogwarts? Right now, everything seems to be kind of blank and I need to hear them, just so that later on, when I want to remember them, I know that they happened and that I didn't just blank out." James grinned at her and settled back comfortably on her bed.

"What do you want to hear about?"

"I don't care, it doesn't have to involve me, I just want to hear something happy."

"I have a better idea, instead of me telling you a happy memory, why don't I show you?" James got up and disappeared for a minute and came back carrying a small pot with wisps of smoke floating out of it.

"A Pensieve!" Lily exclaimed, sitting up on her bed in excitement. "Why haven't I seen this before?" she asked indignantly.

"Because I am not of the habit of telling everyone that I store all my memories…especially when I'm living with someone as sneaky as you who would try and go through all of them," he retorted, grinning. Lily stuck her tongue out at him and then looked at him expectantly as he swirled through the murky liquid, looking for something.

"Got it," he muttered. "You ready?" he grabbed her hand and together they fell into the pot.

"Where are we?" Lily whispered to James. All she saw around her was the Gryffindor common room at Hogwarts.

"Shh…you'll find out, now stop talking!" he admonished and Lily listened and waited. They didn't have to wait for too long, because suddenly they heard voices and incoming footsteps.

"James Potter! I am going to kill you if that's the last thing I do!" Lily screeched as she ran down the stairs from the Girls dormitory, her face covered with various kinds of fruits. Apples hung from her red hair while oranges seemed to be glued onto her cheeks. James sauntered in, with the rest of the Marauders following him.

"You rang?" he asked, his one eyebrow raised at Lily's appearance.

"Gosh Lily, most people eat fruits, not wear them," Sirius chuckled at his own joke while Lily glared daggers at him.

"You think that I WANT to have fruits all over me? You think that I want to smell like a freaking grocery store?" She yelled, the octave of her voice getting higher with each syllable until James had to shake his ear to get rid of the ringing. "You dog!" she yelled towards Sirius, and all four of the boys smirked. She'd hit the nail upon the head, without knowing that she'd the nail upon the head.

"Lily, why do you automatically assume that I'm the one responsible for this act?" James asked, appraising the rising color of her face.

"Probably because you're the only one who's out to get me! You prat! I'm going to kill you for this."

"Now now, what kind of behavior and language is this from an exemplary student like yourself, especially Head Girl?"

"The same kind of behavior that leads the Head Boy to break into the girl's dormitory, which I might add that I don't even sleep in anymore, and still lay a trap for me to fall into."

"Lily Evans! I swear if you have one more screaming match with James, I'm going to kill you myself!" Kiera walked into the dorm with Annie, glaring at the two fighting heads.

"Seriously guys, you've scared everyone away," Annie remonstrated. Lily looked down guiltily, but then she snapped her head back up in anger.

"I wouldn't be this angry if I didn't have this whole banquet of fruits on me, all these tarts," she said pointing to herself.

"Wait a minute," she narrowed her eyes and looked at Kiera who seemed to be looking everywhere but at her.

"James didn't even know that I was going to enter your guys' dorm, he wouldn't have spent all this time rigging everything up just if I ended up going there by chance." All six of the seventh years looked at Kiera who seemed to be admiring the ceiling in great detail.

"Okay fine! I did it…it was just a practical joke. Lils, you're always so serious lately, and you've been under a lot of pressure. I thought that a nice prank would lighten you up a little," she explained earnestly. Annie snorted.

"You would Kiera, honestly." But a grin crept onto her face as she took in the amusing picture that Lily seemed to make. Lily looked at her best friends who were both laughing at her and then looked at James whom she'd wrongly accused, he was grinning at her too. She sighed in resignation.

"Fine, I guess since I have been so uptight lately and made your guys' lives a living hell, I should lighten up and when better to lighten up than now?" With that, she grabbed two soft peaches from her shoulders and flung one each at the two girls. Annie gasped in surprise, and Kiera looked at Lily in askance.

"Are you out of your mind? I have to look nice for my date tonight!" she shrieked.

"Please, as if it would matter if you look nice or not, the guy's going to get bored anyways," Sirius butted in coolly. Remus shut his eyes in horror, he didn't like where this was heading.

"You're dead Black!" Kiera whispered deathly and flung the nearest book that she could find. Unfortunately, this textbook was one of the biggest Lily had found to read in the library and it weighed around seven pounds. Currently, those seven pounds were sailing towards Sirius's head and he didn't have enough time to dodge the enormous book that seemed to knock the wind out of him.

"That was the worst thing you could've done…"he taunted her, and soon an all out food-book-pillow fight broke out between the seven students. In just a matter of few minutes, the entire Common Room was a mess with torn pillows and broken chairs lying around. Right in the middle of all the chaos, those seven lay, holding their stomachs from laughing so much.

"I can't believe we just did that!" Annie gasped and then grimaced as she tried to get up but ended up slipping in some of the fruit juice and she fell back again.

"Look at it!" Lily looked at the room around her. The normally somewhat neat room looked like a tornado had come in and blown everything around, breaking furniture, goose feathers all over the place with some random pieces of strawberries or mangoes hanging from the ceiling. She exchanged a look with James who looked at her with a look of terror. McGonagall was going to kill them when she found this out.

"Isn't there anyway that we can fix this without anybody finding out?" Kiera asked frantically. "I've just finished my month of detention, this will earn me enough detention to last me for the rest of the year."

For once, Sirius didn't have a comeback to that because he still had some detention pending, this would just add more nights a week.

"Come on Remus, think! You're the one who usually cleans up the messes," Peter pleaded. The rest of them turned to Remus who shut his eyes and focused in concentration.

"Got it!" he exclaimed and with a swish of his hand, he moved the chairs back to their original places, repairing them. The pillows were repaired as well, and the books back in the bookshelves. This just left the traces of fruit that seemed to cover everything.

"Scrungio!" James muttered and it vanished, leaving the walls sparkling as if they had just been recently painted. Just then the door opened to the common room and in walked McGonagall, her nostrils flaring.

"I have just had to spend twenty minutes calming a first year who insists that there are various types of monsters in this common room who are shrieking and shouting. When I finally calmed her down enough to make sense of her babble, the only words that I could discern were James Potter and kill. That naturally led me to conclude that the screaming and shouting had to have come from Lily Evans which obviously means that once again Mr. Potter has done something?" she looked at James expectantly, waiting to own up. James looked at the girls and rolled his eyes, ready to take the blame.

"Actually Professor McGonagall, James didn't really do anything. I just felt like yelling…I was yelling because I thought that I'd lost a book that I took out for reading and I thought he'd taken it but it turned out that I'd just left it here downstairs," she finished lamely.

Sirius winced at the poor excuse, he didn't think that McGonagall would buy it; she didn't. She looked at the Marauders suspiciously, but they maintained straight faces and the three girls nodded earnestly to prove that the Marauders had not caused Lily's little mental outburst. Professor McGonagall sniffed and walked out of the Common Room, her back straight. The moment she was out of their sight, Kiera collapsed onto the couch giggling.

"Honestly Evans…is that the best you could come up with?" Sirius teased.

"Sirius, give her a break. She hasn't had the expertise and the experience that we've had over the years. It takes time and dedication to develop the skills that we have…it's not for amateurs." Lily looked at James as if he was insane and was about to give a biting retort, but instead she grinned and sat down next to him.

"Who knew that throwing stuff around would tire me out so much?" she groaned.

"It's a good thing that I have decided to go a little easier on you this year Lily, or you would be tired all the time." James wiggled his eyebrows at her in a suggestive manner, grinning lewdly at his double meaning. Lily laughed, she was used to James's jokes by now with his double entendres.

Lily and James fell out of the Pensieve, laughing.

"Wow…I remember laughing so much that day. Even though it was probably the most immature thing that we could've done…have a food fight like a bunch of first years instead of the dignified seventh years that we were," Lily giggled in amusement. James's eyes glinted with amusement as he turned to look at Lily.

"You know…you should be lucky that I decided to go a little easier on you back then and even now…or you would be tired ALL the time and I mean that," he winked at her. Lily shook her head. There was a time when a simple comment like that would have flared up her temper and she would have flown into an uncontrollable rage, but now those comments just amused her, and sometimes left her with a little bit of longing. She got up the floor and brushed imaginary dust off herself. James noted this habit of her and rolled his eyes, she always had a phobia of having dust bunnies sticking to her even when there were none present. He waited for a reply to his comment but when the silence lengthened, he realized he wasn't going to get one.

"Thanks James," Lily said shyly, refusing to meet his. "I really needed that little jolt of remembrance to help me."

"Of course Lils, anything that I can do to help." He replied jovially and turned around to walk towards the door, but then last minute he changed his mind.

"Ye…Yes James?" she stuttered as he seemed to be looming down on her.

"I actually feel terrible for doing this when you seem to be in such a vulnerable state, but I can't seem to help myself." James whispered, yet to Lily's ears, he seemed to have shouted the words. Before she could ask him what he was talking about, he bent down and kissed her softly on her lips. By the time she could register this latest action of his, he straightened up and walked out of her room and into his. Shutting the door behind him, he said to himself,

"No it wasn't just an action Lils, it meant the world to me." He stood there for a long time, his fingers clutching a white feather.

AN: Okay so obviously I haven't updated in a while and for that I apologize. The chapters don't always come out the way I want them to and I would rather take a while in updating and giving writing that I actually like instead of updating on a regular basis when it's just nonsense. I know the last couple of chapters have been more contemplative and talking instead of action, but I promise that's going to change soon. I hope that everyone likes this chapter, and in case anyone missed there at the end, the feather that James is holding is the same feather that he pulled from Lily's hair when he kissed her. This was in one of the flashbacks, Ch. 5 I believe. Once again – review. I promise you, the more people review, the faster I seem to write because it makes me feel "wow, people actually like this stuff."