THE DOMINION TIMES
Grouchy Man Seeking New Archenemy
Monday 20 June 2011
I am looking for someone with to do battle with on a fairly regular basis. Maybe not daily, but I don't want to wait around forever. And maybe I could win every now and then. Just maybe. My last archenemy played hardball every time. I couldn't put up with his shit anymore, so I had to dump him.
We can meet wherever, I'm not too picky, like on top of boars or a carriage chase, maybe even in a floating castle over a deadly bottomless pit. I do prefer giant deadly towers with lots of annoying minions. It's cool if you want to have a posse yourself, my last guy had like seven other people backing him; so long as all of you don't come gang up in our personal fight. There's a difference between just having a battle and an ass beating, you know?
I'd like my next archenemy to be fairly young, healthy. If you're sick, you'll be too weak, and that's just boring. So somewhat strong, but not like Super Sayian 3 strong.
Some other requirements:
Not blonde
Preferably no glowing ball of light as a sidekick
Costumes okay, but please, no green tunics
Must be available on weekends
Having a princess as an acquaintance a plus
Kokiri need not apply
Please let me know if interested right away. I'm pretty out of practice right now, so I'd like to get this started as soon as possible. Like, I think I probably couldn't even take on the Postman's challenge at this point.
Please reply soon.
News in Brief
Hylian Detectives Suspect Foul Play
A local map salesman by the name of Tingle has been declared missing since earlier this month. After a thorough investigation of Tingle's home, it has become apparent that it is highly likely the 35 year-old was abducted from his home at the start of the month.
Tingle's father and employer was too distraught to competently speak to reporters at press time, crying out, "Why did he have to go and chase those damn fairies?"
New car tomorrow? Still no loan papers back to sign. No papers. No papers. :(
Thursday? YES. Super stoked.
:O
