Keeping a Secret
Chapter 8: Clearing the air

He was face down in the snow, and he could feel the cold and damp seeping into his body, chilling his bones. Every part of his body seemed to be gripped by ice, everywhere except for his heart, which was still throbbing and trying to maintain its warmth. He pushed himself up – but he was so tired, so weak – he just wanted to lie back down and sleep…

He was in a forest, and a very dark one. He couldn't see more than a foot in front of him…but he could see the wolves that were charging forward, lunging at him. He tried to cry out, but he had no voice; he tried to get up, but his feathers seemed to have turned to lead, and the ground was sucking him down as if it were covered in viscous quicksand instead of snow. But just when it looked like the wolves were about to tear him to shreds, something barreled into him – attacking him? – no, pushing him out of the way! He rolled hard against a nearby tree, smacking his head, which began to ache dully.

He looked up, and there was Xun, holding up a torch. Despite the fact that he had just gone up against a pack of rabid-looking beasts, he wasn't hurt at all. He smiled down at the peacock, and there wasn't anything except sympathy in his expression.

"Why did you save me?" asked Shen, rubbing his sore head.

"Because you deserved it," replied Xun, and he threw his torch into the forest behind Shen. Instead of starting a fire, though, it illuminated a glowing path that appeared to be made of nothing but golden light. Then he bounded off…or perhaps he simply disappeared, Shen couldn't really tell.

Shen shakily got to his feet and began to walk down the glowing path. He was still cold and his head still hurt, but he was better off now that Xun had saved him. The forest around him was just as dark and dismal as ever, yet somehow he felt safer on this path. At least he could see now, even though the light was dim.

All at once, he was aching all over and felt incredibly dizzy, and he collapsed. This must have been his punishment for running off into the woods when it was so cold outside – he was clearly getting sick. But a sickness had never struck him so abruptly before, and now he couldn't even move. He lifted his head a bit and saw, to his shock and horror, that Nana was sprawled out a few yards in front of him. She had collapsed as well.

"Nana, what are you doing here?" he called out to her.

"I was looking for you!" she cried. "Why did you leave?"

"But I didn't leave! I don't know how I got here!"

She extended her hoof weakly and Shen reached for her, but he couldn't get to her and he couldn't move either. Despondent, and losing all hope, he lowered his head back into the cold snow and waited to die…

"Hmm! It's all right, dear," hummed a familiar voice. He couldn't open his eyes now, but he felt himself behind scooped up gently, which was when he realized that his body had regressed. He was no longer an adult; now he was just a chick again, a scrawny and sickly chick that was easy to pick up and cradle. And someone was doing just that, rocking him in warm, furry arms. A fingertip touched him gently on the top of the head. Even though he was still freezing cold and his head still hurt, he suddenly felt much better, and he opened his eyes.

He was back in his old quarters at the Tower of the Sacred Flame, which made no sense, since the palace had been destroyed by him. Then again, he was a chick now, so perhaps he had gone back in time. Lady Biming was holding him, and when she saw that he was awake she smiled and laid him on his bed. Nana was sitting next to him, also smiling, showing no sign that she had ever been sick.

"Why did you save me?" he asked Lady Biming.

"Because you deserved it," she told him.

"No, I didn't. I almost killed you. I killed everyone important to you!" he cried.

"Yes, but you made it to the path," she told him. "Only people that truly want to be good can make it to the path. Now you're safe. Now you deserve to be saved."

He wasn't sure why, but suddenly he felt a lot better – emotionally, anyway, since his head STILL hurt and he was STILL freezing cold. He buried into his blankets and shut his eyes, listening to Lady Biming and Nana speaking in soft, cheerful tones above him. He wasn't afraid anymore; he was at peace…

It took Shen forever to realize that he was awake now, as reality seemed to pick up exactly where his dream had left off. He was tucked into bed listening to Nana and Lady Biming speaking over him in quiet voices; he was shivering and cold and had an awful headache; and yet despite all that, and despite the fact that he'd just awakened from another hallucination, he felt oddly peaceful.

"…are you sure he's waking up, Biming?"

"Oh, yes. He's definitely coming around. You see, his eyelids are fluttering, I'd hazard a guess that he might be up now. Shen…" Lady Biming's voice had suddenly increased in volume, although it was no less gentle. "We know you're awake, dear. Stop pretending to be asleep." He could tell that they really didn't know that, but the touch of humor still brought a slight smile to his beak, and he managed to open his eyes.

"There you are," Biming said lightly, and dabbed at his forehead with a cool cloth. "Glad to see you're awake. You've been sleeping much too long, dear."

He opened his mouth and tried to ask how long he had been unconscious. Nothing came out except for a hoarse croak.

His Nana helped him to sit up a bit and pressed a warm china cup into his wings. "Drink that," she instructed. He sipped at the liquid and discovered that it was his favorite sweet tea, and its heat felt wonderful as it slid down his sore throat. He drank it up without any hesitation.

"You've been out for three days," Biming told him, and his eyes widened. "Everyone's been a bit worried about you, especially Kurisu. She's always crying and seems to come in here every other minute to make sure you're not dead."

Shen frowned sympathetically, since he still couldn't say anything. A raspy cough rose up from his throat, still obnoxious and still jarring his chest, but much less harsh than it had been before. Apparently those three near-comatose days had done him some good. He felt a bit bad about making Lady Biming take care of him for that long, but of course she would have done that even if he'd been awake. After all, she was both a healer and a mother, and she combined those two professions seamlessly.

He locked eyes with her in order to establish communication, which wasn't easy when you couldn't talk, and mouthed slowly, "Help me up."

"I don't think so, Sheng Li," she responded crossly. "You're staying in bed."

He made his eyes pleading and sad and mouthed, "Please?"

She rolled her eyes. "How is it that after all this time, you're still such a stubborn chick? All right, we'll see if you can stand, but if you can't you're getting right back in that bed – no buts about it!"

Shen nodded obediently, and Biming gripped his hands firmly, raising him from the bed mat. His legs fumbled as he tried to work with her; his knees felt weak, and his stiff muscles twinged uncomfortably. But finally, he was standing up without support, and he hardly felt dizzy at all.

"Don't overdo it, Shen," said the soothsayer in a warning tone of voice. He shrugged, hopefully conveying to her that he was fine, and began to walk forward.

As soon as he left his room, he spotted Po, Kurisu, and Xun in the kitchen. Po was fruitlessly attempting to cheer up his sniffling little sister, cracking jokes and giving her tickling pokes in the stomach, but nothing was making her smile. Smirking slightly, Shen crept up behind her.

Po's eyes widened when he saw the peacock, and Shen held a finger to his beak and pointed to Kurisu. The panda nodded ever so slightly, holding back a grin.

Shen came forward, knelt down, and, without warning, placed his feathered hands over Kurisu's eyes. She jerked, pulling away from him and spinning around and alarm. When she saw him crouched behind her, smiling and awake, she let out a scream of delight and threw her arms around his neck.

"You ugly chicken!" she half-sobbed as Shen rubbed the top of her head, behind her ears. "You scared me to death! I oughtta kick your ugly chicken butt all over the place!"

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly. Yeah, this was Kurisu, all right. Crying one minute and threatening people the next.

"Good to see you, Shen," Xun spoke up, grinning. "Let me tell you, it hasn't been easy trying to sleep in the same room as you the past few days. You kept talking and crying in your sleep. Even called my name a couple times, I guess I should have given you a hug or something…" He smirked, his ears twitching mischievously.

Shen resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at the wolf, really wishing that he had his voice back now. Both Xun and Kurisu had now noticed his failure to respond to their teasing comments, and were regarding him curiously. "Something wrong, bird brain?" asked Xun.

Shen pointed to his throat and mouthed, "I can't speak."

"Oh, cat got your tongue?"

He nodded and pointed to Kurisu, who was beginning to choke him slightly in her tight grip.

Po reached down and gently pried his sister away from the peacock. "Ease up a bit, little sis, all right?"

"You can't even talk, Shen?" Kurisu sniffed, crossing her arms. "And here I thought that things were gonna be more fun now that you're awake!"

Shen smiled, but suddenly his eyelids were feeling weighted down again. The dizziness that he'd thought that he was free from washed over him, and he groaned.

"All right, that's enough." A hand gripped his shoulder gently, and he turned his head sleepily to find Lady Biming standing over him once again. "You're going back to bed, Shen. You need to start regaining your strength so we can leave."

He looked at her questioningly, wondering where it was they were leaving to.

"Home, dear," she explained, seeing his confused expression. "We're going home soon."

Home…Shen shut his eyes, envisioning their return to the Jade Palace. Master Shifu was going to be furious, but perhaps seeing that they had found Lady Biming would make him understand somewhat. Maybe it was his illness playing games with his mind, but he suddenly felt rather homesick; it would be nice to have his own bed, his own room, and go back to the normal training routines again.

But for now, it was nice enough to be able to accept Biming's help without feeling horribly guilty about it, and to not care about how babyishly his Nana was treating him when she sat beside him rubbing his tummy and coaxing him into sleep.

Three days later, the group was well aware that the time to leave could be any day now. Shen was moving around freely and even speaking again, although he couldn't bring his voice much higher than a whisper, and with the assistance of Biming's many medications and herbal remedies, he was quickly regaining his strength. Biming was now beginning to seriously consider the consequences of the fact that she was about to leave what had been her home for the past three decades.

She didn't feel too remorseful, for the simple fact that it really never HAD been her home. For her, home was where she had a family, and she'd spent all of her time in this village quite alone. But now she had her son back, plus one of her oldest and dearest friends, plus the chick she'd taken care of long ago and another child to look after and a whole lot more, if she came with them to the Valley of Peace. Packing up her important belongings felt a little sad but also right. One of the chapters in the story of her life was drawing to a close, but another was about to begin.

The only thing that she was really fretting over now was meeting Po's adoptive father. How was he going to react to seeing her? Did he know why she had been forced to abandon her son? Would she think that she was unworthy of still having her child, since she had left him and not managed to find him in over thirty years?

But she was careful to keep these concerns hidden from Po, who couldn't have been more excited that his mother was coming home with him. He talked to her excitedly for great lengths of time, explaining all of the benefits that she'd have when she came to live with them at the Jade Palace, repeating over and over that she'd never have to work or farm again, "although, you might have to do some healing once in a while, 'cause, y'know, we do get hurt a lot and you're a great healer…"

His enthusiasm never failed to put a smile on her face. Whenever he was around, she was certain that her new home was going to be a great one.

In the interest of Shen's illness, Biming not having the greatest legs, and a lot of crates of personal possessions having to be brought along with them, it was decided that they would take a hike to a riverside village about a half a day away and board a sampan boat that would take them back to the Valley of Peace. The journey would take longer, but be less physically straining. With that in mind, Biming packed lightly, taking only the most important things she owned – which of course included her medical supplies.

Finally, after Shen spent a day playing with Kurisu and showed very few symptoms of exhaustion, the decision was made to leave the following morning. Everyone gathered up the last of their things and prepared parcels of food. Coming here had been a bit of a vacation, an adventure…but not one of them was unhappy to be returning home at last.

It was that evening that Po decided that the time had come to clear the air with Shen once and for all.

The peacock was sitting outside, lazily reclining against the side of the cottage and watching Kurisu pounce on insects in the grass, when Po approached him. "I wanted to say thank you," the panda started awkwardly.

Shen jumped slightly, not expecting to have seen anyone there, and turned his head towards the panda in disbelief. "Thank me?" he repeated in his still-distressed voice. "For what?"

"For telling me that my mom might be alive. If you hadn't talked to me that day, then I never would have known to come and find her…"

"If it wasn't for me, then you never would have been separated from her in the first place," retorted Shen bitterly, looking away.

"True…" said Po slowly. "But I also probably never would have been the Dragon Warrior."

Shen opened his beak, then shut it.

"Stuff happens for a reason," Po continued. "Even bad things that happened in the past can lead to a better future, but we can't dwell on what-ifs. Remember when I told you after I threw that cannonball at your boat? Stuff in the past doesn't matter – the only thing that matters is what you choose to be now."

"So you're telling me that I need to…" Shen cleared his throat, and his voice managed to become a bit louder. "Let go of everything from the past?"

"Er…you're not the only one who needs to do that." Po was rubbing the back of his neck now. "I know I'm kind of a hypocrite, for telling you that and then…not letting go of everything from the past for a really long time. But I have now!" he added quickly, and smiled. "The fact that I saw my mom forgive you…well, it kind of made me wonder why I wasn't doing the same thing."

Shen didn't say anything. He couldn't.

"So, what do you say?" Po extended his hand expectantly. "Are we friends? Or, at least – allies, teammates, united kung fu masters or whatever?"

Shen slowly stood up, taking a deep breath that made his lungs protest slightly. This was definitely that troublesome cub that he'd babysat so long ago. Po was just as optimistic, just as naïve, and just as innocent as Bao Yu.

He met the offered hand with his wing, and they shook on it. "Whatever you say, Dragon Warrior," he agreed.