I've mixed it up a little here, this is a pretty important chapter so we're hearing from both Anna and Elsa, I hope it's not too confusing for you but I felt I needed to convey both of their thoughts because of how intense things get.
Warnings: Talk of self-harm- it does get a little descriptive but not overly graphic and the act itself is not being committed. Brief talks of suicide, incest... some angst but it's a little lighter now.

Sooooo, just enjoy this chapter...


Chapter Eight:
Let It Go

One month on, found Elsa recovering at home under her sister's watchful gaze. She had stayed in hospital for an additional two weeks after waking up, her doctors persistent on making sure she was eating and gaining weight. She had daily visits from a counsellor and had been put on suicide watch.

Elsa groaned, she felt ashamed, frustrated that everyone seemed to be treating her like some sort of time bomb, ready to explode at any given moment. Elsa felt mollycoddled and suffocated in hospital. She was barely left alone for a moment, everyone seemed to be afraid of what she might do if she was left to her own devices. Of course, she couldn't really blame them, she had tried taking her life after all and she was riddled with scars from her self-harm. But this, this was just ridiculous.

Even at home Anna watched her like a hawk. She was never allowed out of the redhead's sight. It didn't matter how many times Elsa reassured her sister that she wasn't going to try again, Anna wouldn't relent. She appreciated everyone's concern and yes, she was still struggling with her demons, but it was easier at home, easier now with her sister by her side.

Anna had made it her mission to get Elsa out of the house more often, that meant twice weekly hot chocolates at Pabbie's. Elsa had been reluctant at first, she was much more comfortable at home and that place didn't exactly hold good memories for the pair. But Anna was insistent, she needed to move on from the past and create new memories to replace the bad ones. After a long ramble from her sister Elsa finally admitted defeat and conceded to the café dates. They actually turned out to be quite nice, it was relaxing and freeing to get out of the house, to socialise with others and enjoy her view of the outside world. She wasn't about to tell Anna this of course, the girl's head would explode from the self-satisfaction.

Anna awoke to her alarm each morning, her reminder to get Elsa's antidepressants ready for her. All of the medicine was now locked in a cupboard, the key hung from a chain around her neck. The remaining alcohol had been removed from the house and all sharp objects were also kept under lock and key. Elsa had sighed, telling her sister that this was all a bit extreme but Anna had shut her up with a simple touch to her wrist and a pointed look and Elsa conceded that perhaps, it wasn't all that extreme after all.

Anna stumbled out of bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she tried to clear the sleepy fog from her head. She trudged down to the kitchen, made Elsa a cup of tea, retrieved her pills and carried her offerings back up to their bedroom.

When Anna looked up to the bed she saw her sister sitting up, stretching and yawning as the morning light made her blonde tresses glow with an ethereal light. Anna couldn't stop the smile that graced her lips as she gazed upon her sister with nothing but unabashed awe. How is it possible that someone who had literally just woken up look so god damn beautiful? Her hair was perfectly tame, there was no sleep in her eyes, no bags hanging under them from sleepless nights, no dried drool in the corner of her lips. Anna looked at herself, her fiery hair resembled a lion's mane as it jutted out from her skull. Her eyes were red and puffy with deep bags below them. She could feel the dried saliva on her cheek and her nightgown was slightly twisted and very crumbled from her energetic sleeping habits.

"Morning sleepy head." Anna teased. "Time for your happy pills and I made you a hot cuppa."

Elsa yawned and stretched again, her pyjama shirt riding up, her pale flesh peeking out teasingly. Anna gulped as she felt a light tingle of… heat? No, that can't be right, she was obviously just overtired, her brain was confusing itself. She shook her head slightly and handed her sister her medication and drink. She watched Elsa down the medication (antidepressants, vitamins and antibiotics) and sipped her tea daintily.

"Thank you." Elsa said with a smile. She placed her steaming drink on her bedside table and turned to face Anna, her face suddenly growing serious.

They hadn't really talked yet, not really. They'd both danced around what had happened, accepting it but never really discussed it. Although, with the look Elsa was giving her, Anna knew that it was now time.

"Anna, I need to know," Elsa said softly, her voice filled with concern as she pressed her fingers to the spot where the bruise had been. "What happened?"

Anna shied away from Elsa's touch, ashamed and scared about how her sister will react. But she knew, she would have to tell her at some stage. She'd told Elsa that she and Hans had broken up, but she didn't tell her why. She twiddled her fingers in her lap, her eyes trained down as she sucked in a breath and slowly let it out with a sigh.

"It-it was Hans. He-he hit me. We were away and we fought. I told him it was over but he didn't like that. So, he tried to stop me from leaving. He grabbed my arms and punched my eye." -Well, it wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either.

"He what?!" Exclaimed Elsa, her voice rang loudly in the room. The blonde rose from the bed and started pacing about the room.

"God! I knew it! I knew he would do something like that! Shit! I'm such a fool for trusting him when he said he wouldn't hurt you! He said he'd never lay a hand on you!"

"Wait – what?" Anna asked confused. The only time Elsa and Hans had met was when he had picked her up for their date.

"He said that the night I dropped your phone off! The night that we… that he…" Elsa couldn't finish her sentence, Anna had said she knew in that text but what if Elsa had misunderstood the meaning behind the words?

"Wait, I'm confused. My phone? You dropped it off?" Anna's head was starting to hurt, "when?"

"That night we… fought." Elsa whispered that last word, her head dropping in shame.

Anna strode over to her sister and took both of her hands in her own and waited for Elsa's head to rise and their eyes to meet. "You, you came back for me?" She asked.

"Y-yes." Elsa sniffled. "I came to apologise, to talk to you. But-but Hans wouldn't let me in… he… he said some things and I gave him your phone to give to you."

"You did? Where-where was I? I didn't hear you. I never got my phone." Anna wound her memory back, trying to remember hearing Elsa's voice or even a knock at the door, but she drew a blank.

"You were in the shower. I told Hans to give you your phone… did he… did he not?" Elsa started to panic, if Anna didn't have her phone then maybe she didn't know… if she didn't know then Elsa would have a lot of explaining to do and she really didn't have the energy for that conversation right now.

"No, he didn't. I didn't get my phone back until Kristoff got it from Hans just after… well, just before he came to bring me to you." Stinging tears started to prickle in her eyes, her memory of that day was still very raw and even though she could see her sister standing in front of her and could feel the warmth of her flesh in her own hands, it still brought a flurry of fear to her heart.

"Oh." Elsa muttered solemnly.

Anna led Elsa back to the bed and sat down next to her. She could see the worry and panic in her sister's eyes, she could see the inner turmoil going on behind those azure irises. As much as she knew this conversation was about to get tremendously harder and much more uncomfortable she knew she would need to set her sister's mind at ease.

"Elsa," Anna began softly, "Gerda told me about the messages on your phone. Is… is that why…"

Elsa hung her head in shame and gave a small nod as she sniffed desperately trying to fight the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.

"The last message, the last message said, 'I know', I-I need to ask you something. I know that this is going to be hard for you but I need to know." Anna paused and took in a deep breath, "Do… do you love me, as more than a sister?" She whispered.

Elsa's eyes widened in fear, panic and anxiety coursing through her veins, her hands shook and her heart thudded violently in her chest as she scrambled over what to say next. She stood up from the bed again, her arms wrapping around her body, embracing herself in a tight hug as she shook from head to toe. She felt sick with fear, she felt like running, like getting away, everything was closing in on her. The walls, the floor, the ceiling were all moving closer to and she found it hard to draw breath. She backed up until her back hit the wall and she slid down it, her knees drawn up to her chest as she buried her head in her arms. She heard her bed groan as a weighted lifted off the mattress. Soft footfalls padded over the plush rug and then onto the wooden floor beneath. She felt a warm hand softly rest upon her arm, she flinched at the touch, recoiling further into herself.

"Elsa." Anna whispered tenderly. "It's okay. I'm not scared, I'm not upset and I'm not angry. I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be afraid, I will be right here." Anna once again reached out to her sister, she wrapped her arm around Elsa's shoulder, both comforting her and making sure she couldn't run from this. "Elsa, please. It's okay, I just- I just need to hear it from you. I need to hear you say it, I need to know if it's true." She took a breath and gently kissed the top of Elsa's head. "Do you love me?"

Elsa shuddered and sobbed, her head still tucked into her arms. Her sister drew her in close, there was no escape, no hiding, no way out. She felt Anna's free hand stroking her hair, comforting her – no pressure, no judgement, just love and understanding. Elsa sucked in a few deep and shaky breaths, trying to compose herself and stop the anxiety from taking hold of her.

Hugging herself even more tightly, Elsa whispered, "yes."

The tears she fought so hard to keep at bay suddenly broke through the dam and she felt overwhelmed with emotion. She kept her head down, she couldn't bear to look up Anna, to see the disgust and rejection in her eyes. She waited to feel Anna's arm and hand retreat, to meet the repulsion that her sister was surely feeling. But Anna didn't move, if anything the grip on Elsa tightened and she felt a chaste kiss being placed on the crown of her head.

Slowly Elsa lifted her head and with great trepidation, looked up and Anna.

Her eyes were soft and kind, tears slowly slid down her cheeks but they didn't seem to be tears of disgust or repulsion, if anything they appeared to be of relief? Pride? She looked to Anna's lips, they were turned up slightly into a warm smile, even her freckles seemed to shine brighter. Elsa looked at Anna with pure confusion. How was she being this calm? Why was she still here? Had she not heard her correctly?

"You-you're not running away?" She asked timidly.

Anna kissed Elsa's forehead and pulled the blonde into her chest, wrapping both arms around her torso. "Oh, Elsa. No, of course not. I'll admit it was a shock at first and I didn't handle it as well as I could have, but then I realised that it didn't change a thing. You were- are, first and foremost, my sister, you would never- have never acted in any way, as anything more than that. These feelings you have for me are pure, I can see that. I can see just how much you love me now and how everything you did for all those years was just to protect me – even if those reasons were unwarranted – you still did it because you were afraid of hurting me. I know you would never act upon your feelings unless I gave you permission. I'm still trying to get my head around it – after all it's not every day one finds out that their sister is head over heels in love with them – but I'm getting there. I still have many questions and I'm confused too, but I know, that nothing will tear us apart. I'll never let you feel like you have to hurt yourself, that you have to be repulsed by your feelings."

"But Anna, this isn't right, what I feel isn't right! It's incest for god sakes. Can't you see, I'm a monster! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be feeling this!" Elsa cried, why didn't Anna see just how vile these feelings were? How wrong they are? Why was she being so naïve about it?

"First of all, don't you dare apologise for loving me Elsa. Love like yours, so pure, so strong could never be wrong. The way Hans used me and abused me, that's wrong. The way he pinned us against each other and tore us apart, that's wrong. The way he- he tried… tried to…" Anna trailed off as the words got caught in her throat. "Your love could never be wrong. Not to me and since I am the object of your affection, I think that my opinion should be the only one that matters." Anna concluded with conviction.

Elsa looked into Anna's eyes, they were so sure, so true. It was hard for Elsa to find a fault in her sister's logic. She couldn't help but get lost in those blue-green orbs, they were so intense, so honest, so beautiful. Oh Freyja, help me! Elsa pleaded silently as she tore her gaze away from Anna's before her control could slip.

Anna watched Elsa with curiosity. She wore an expression which baffled the younger girl. She could read the relief, the contentment but there was something else there too. Something that Anna couldn't place. So, she asked. "Hey, Els, what is it?"

"It's, it's nothing." She murmured. Anna shot her a disbelieving look and waited for Elsa to continue. The blonde sighed deeply and looked back at the redhead. "It's just that…" Elsa blushed, "Well, sometimes you do things, things that make me want to…"

"Yes?" Encouraged Anna softly.

"You make me want to… kiss you." Elsa confessed with a whisper.

"Oh."

"Mhmm, oh." Elsa deadpanned

Anna blushed violently and looked down at the floor. "Sorry, I-I didn't mean to."

Elsa couldn't help but laugh softly at her sister. "Oh, Anna. If I can't apologise for loving you, then you sure as hell can't apologise for doing the things that made me fall." She said firmly.

"I don't get it Elsa. Why? What made you fall for me? How long have you felt this way for? Why me? What's so special about me?" Anna had so many questions, so many answers were needed, she wasn't sure if Elsa was ready to give her those answers but there was no harm in asking, right?

Elsa took in a sharp breath, was she ready for this? To confess everything to Anna? To finally speak up and let it go? Maybe, maybe not but she knew that she couldn't avoid this conversation forever, just like when she first let Anna in, she had to take that step. She had to let that wall of ice she had built around herself slowly melt, she had to let Anna into her frozen fortress, that castle she'd imprisoned herself in for so many years.

With a sigh, Elsa replied. "Alright, I'll tell you." Elsa stood up and motioned for Anna to join her on the bed. It felt like déjà vu all over again. Just like that first day. That same nervousness threatened to envelope her, those butterflies settled in her stomach as her heart raced in her chest. She looked down at the quilt and began to pick at the loose threads.

"Gods, where to start?" She sighed. "I guess, if first realised that I felt something more than sisterly when I was eleven. I'd been feeling these things and I didn't really understand what they were. At first, I just thought it was me not really knowing you and fantasising about the type of person you were, that I thought maybe I was just imaging it, projecting these feelings onto you because I didn't know anyone else.

"But they never went away, they only grew. Each day I would live to hear your voice at my door, it would give me the strength to go on. I became reliant on it, you were like my drug, my addiction, something I couldn't live without. I used to watch you from my window, frolicking in the snow, building your own little snowmen. I wanted nothing more than to be out there with you. It both warmed and crushed my heart. I adored seeing you so happy, so innocent and carefree but it pained me beyond all reason not to be out there with you. To throw a snowball at you and hear you squeal and run for cover. To help you create our own army of snow creatures, to build them together, just like we used to.

"I spoke to Papa about it, he told me to stay away, to keep it to myself, that I wasn't normal, it wasn't right and that these feelings would pass. But he was wrong. So wrong. Just the thought of you gave me butterflies, hearing your voice made me smile, listening to you scream and fight with Mama made me want to race down those stairs and protect you. When you begged Papa to break down my door it made me want to wrench the fucking thing open myself. But I was terrified, terrified of hurting you both physically and emotionally that I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was so afraid to get close to you, to let you in. I thought that if I did, you would figure out my big secret and you'd surely hate me for it. Then I'd never see or hear you again and my own imprisonment would have been for nothing. Hearing you through that barricade, seeing you through the window, watching you grow and develop was the most important thing to me, you gave me life and I wasn't about to do anything that would jeopardise that. So, the door stayed closed and I watched you from afar."

Elsa sighed mournfully as a fresh wave of tears made new tracks on her cheeks. Anna lifted her sister's chin gently and kissed away the tears.

"Hey," She cooed. "It's okay Els, I'm here, you can hold me and touch me now. The past is in the past, you need to let it go." Elsa nodded and gave her sister a wet smile. "Is-is that when this started?" She asked tracing the scars on a pale forearm.

"Y-yes. I just, I felt so ugly on the inside. I felt like a monster and wanted – no needed the outside to match. But it wasn't enough, I was in so much pain emotionally that hurting myself physically helped ease some of that pain, I could watch those wounds bleed and then heal, I couldn't do that with my internal ones and the cutting helped relieve that somewhat. As time went on, those little cuts didn't do it for me anymore, I started cutting deeper, longer, I used different implements to hurt myself. I would scratch at my skin until it was red and raw, those marks were bigger, they took more effort, more time but they healed faster and didn't scar. Sometimes I'd use scissors -blunt if I was angry, sharp if I needed a quick release. Other times it was a small knife I kept under my pillow, although it wasn't my favourite to use, it was too sharp, I had less control. It was never about killing myself or attempting to kill myself, I never wanted to die, not when you were still there, still loving the monster I had become, all without knowing a thing about me. No, it was about control, about release, about trying to heal my pain. I know, it sounds ridiculous, trying to heal pain with pain but it made sense to me and it would work, temporarily."

"Oh, Elsa." Anna was shaking visibly now, the concern, the hurt was so clear on her face. She wished she had done more, forced her sister out, to hell with being protected! What good was it when Elsa suffered so much?

"As for what made me fall for you? Gods, you're everything Anna. You have the kindest, warmest, gentlest heart in all the world. You are so warm and forgiving and you just radiate purity and joy. You love wholeheartedly and laugh without hesitation. Your smile alone could light up a room, you are so honest and thoughtful. You never hold back, you defend those you love with a fierceness that could rival the most ferocious lion.

"You are everything. You're a goddess, your hair matches your fiery personality, your eyes are like an ocean I would willingly drown in. Your lips are so supple and soft. Your voice is my own melody, the most beautiful song that has ever played. Your freckles are like the stars in the sky, a constellation I want to map- with my fingers-" a pause, as Elsa blushed fiercely and snagged her bottom lip between her teeth and smirked "-and my mouth."

"I fell in love with you, all of you Anna, with everything you are. To me, you are perfect."

Anna, for the first time ever, was rendered speechless. Hearing Elsa speak about her like that, was just… wow. She felt, god, she didn't know how she felt. Her heart was swelling so rapidly she was sure it was about to explode, tears streamed down her face, she was so humbled by the beauty, the passion in her sister's words. She had never thought of herself as anything special or goddess-like.

Elsa's hands came up to cup Anna's face, "hey," she said softly, "I'm sorry if I upset you. I-I didn't mean to."

Anna shook her head from side to side, she needed to somehow convey just how much those words meant to her. She peered into Elsa's eyes and felt a flutter in her heart. She lowered her gaze to those red lips and felt butterflies take flight in her stomach. She flittered her eyes back up to her sister's and searched for an answer to these stirrings she was feeling in those cobalt orbs.

After a short moment of hunting she stumbled upon the meaning of these emotions. Her heart picked up its pace as she raised a hand to Elsa's cheek, gently caressing the skin below her palm. She slowly moved her touch upwards, stroking a proud forehead before skimming a single finger down a cute button nose. Her other hand came up to meet its twin as her thumbs tenderly rolled over closed eyelids and down a tensed jaw. She lightly brushed her thumb over those full lips and felt Elsa's breathing hitch and sob at the touch. Finally, her hands rested on her sister's jaw line, just below her ears.

A pause, and very, very slowly Anna began to lean in. she cantered her head to the right as she drew closer to her sister's face. She could feel Elsa's uneven breaths puffing against her lips, her own skin tingling in suspense.


A/N Mwahahahaha. I LOVE a good cliff-hanger #sorrynotsorry ;P
Now if you all leave me wonderful reviews, I may just gift you with the next chapter sooner than normal. Perhaps I should make you beg...