Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. The content, ideas and intellectual property of this story and the 'American Vampire Series' in its entirety are owned by Just4ALE.


Chapter 8: And For That I'm Grateful

EPOV

"Men are scum," I heard one of her friends tell her at school.

Oddly, it was a male who told her this. He said he wanted to write a book about all the things men think and do that women never know about: Men are Scum: The Untold Story. He'll make a fortune... and ruin it for all guys everywhere.

Ah yes, men are scum. I was no better than any of them.

I'd stalked a young human woman, plans unknown. Follow her, bite her, kill her… all unclear at first.

Love her, is where I ended up. I loved my Bella so dearly and I was always so desperately afraid of losing her.

As I'd come to learn each day more and more, Bella was like an iceberg… at least 85% of her feelings were hidden far beneath the surface. The woman was a black hole of emotions and I was constantly trying to evoke them from her... particularly anger, which we had recently learned drove me wild.

So in the days before Jacob's visit, I decided to do something I didn't like to do often. I decided to ask her how she felt about me, and the answers I received were very reassuring.

She gushed about me! She told me how smart I was and how witty. How caring and thoughtful I was with her. How handsome she found me and how hot she thought my body was. How I made her feel when I made love to her. Bella loved me with all of her heart.

Of course, she was asleep when she told me this.

I had recently discovered that if I talked to Bella while she was sleeping, she would answer back. As this was the only way I could get at those thoughts that she held locked up in her head, I found myself doing it quite often.

Unfair advantage? Yes, I know, but I couldn't help myself.

You see? Men ARE scum.

But despite the fact that Tanya's visit had shown me the lengths to which Bella would fight to keep me, I was still insecure. The man about whom she once cared was looming and would be trying to take my girl away from me… and I needed the reassurance.

So I probed her feelings for Jacob as well… which also brought me comfort.

Bella loved Jacob, but at this point it was only friendship to her. Her greatest concern was that she didn't want to hurt him, and the knowledge that she would have to do so was tearing her up.

So, as I prepared for his visit, I realized that I couldn't be jealous of Jacob. I could only feel sorry for what he was about to lose.

~#~

That was, of course, until I walked in on him flirting with MY girlfriend and almost telling her that he loved her.

Okay, Jacob, so it's going to be that way huh? Let the games begin.

"Hello," I said as his eyes looked me over. "I'm Edward. You must be Jacob."

Jacob smiled widely and stood up to shake my hand. "Yes, Edward. Bella has told me about you." So this is him, huh? Kind of pale. Tall. Green eyes. What's with the hair?

"Please sit down," he gestured. I pulled over one of the empty chairs and moved it just slightly closer to Bella.

"So you're here on a project assignment?" I asked. "What kind of project?"

"Strategy. Market penetration for cellular service," he responded.

"Will your analysis have to account for actual cell tower real estate and PUC timelines, or will you be staying out of that?" I asked. Just trying to make small talk.

What the hell? How does he know this? "We're scoping it out tomorrow with the client," he said. "Have you worked in the cellular industry?"

"No," I said, "but I studied the industry in college."

"Bella said you were a Biology PhD candidate?"

"Yes, but that's my graduate work. Undergrad was economics." Well, one of the undergrad degrees was…

"Oh, did you go to Chicago for undergrad?"

"Harvard." Whipping it out. Get the tape measure. Who is the competitive one, huh Edward?

Shit, Jacob thought.

"You?" I asked, "Where did you go before BCG?"

"UCLA."

"Oh, are you from California?"

Bella answered. "Nah, Jake's from Washington too, actually, but he wanted to go somewhere warm for college. He loves the sun. Look at his skin." She was trying to put Jake at ease. I could see that she could tell he was feeling a little insignificant. Good.

I reached for Bella's hand. "I guess he doesn't share our problem, huh?" She looked at me with a sly smile. Yeah, she knows what I'm doing. Marking my territory.

Jacob looked at Bella's hand in mine. Sure pal. Think what you want. She always comes back to me. "So, you're from Alaska?"

"No, from Chicago, actually. My family now lives in Alaska."

"Bells and I were planning to take a trip to Alaska someday… I really wanted to see the wildlife and nature up there. Unfortunately, we didn't get to go, but we did go to Vegas, right Bells?" Jacob said, trying to mark some territory right back.

Bella looked at me. "Jacob taught me how to play Craps when we were there. It was fun."

"Bella, I didn't know you liked to gamble. You could have jumped in on Jasper and Emmett's bets. You would have won," I smirked.

Bella laughed and said, "Yes, I would have." She looked at Jacob to explain. "Edward has a big family. Four brothers and sisters. Jasper and Emmett are his brothers."

Like I care about his family. "So how was Alaska?" he asked. "Did you get to Denali National Park?"

"Actually, we never left the family grounds. We had so much fun just spending time together. Their house is huge!"

"Bella spent a LOT of time in the Karate studio," I said, my eyes looking at her from the side. She turned her head to look at me with big eyes, did a purposeful blink and then flushed red.

Bella is blushing about the Karate studio. I don't think I want to know. Jacob was getting a little uncomfortable about his position.

"So Jake, I didn't ask you," Bella said, changing subjects. "Will you be applying to B'school in the fall?"

"Yes."

"Where will you apply?"

"The usual ones… the Ivies, Berkeley, Stanford, UCLA…"

I suddenly became aware of a thought that was floating around in his head. I decided to draw it out.

"So how will you make your decision if you are fortunate to get into all of them?" I asked.

Jacob squared his jaw and looked me in the eye, clearly trying to stare me down. "Well, where I end up may be influenced by where Bella will be working."

Shit, by the time we're done marking our territory, Bella will be covered with urine from both sides. This is ridiculous!

"What?" she said. "Why?"

"Well, as I just told you, it would be nice to have my best friend around."

"Jake, that's nonsense. You should go to the best place you can get into. As you told me, 'don't consider me in your decision,'" she said. Her voice was hard on that last part.

He smiled. "Aw, Bells, I don't have to listen to my own advice. Why wouldn't I want to be where you are?"

Bella stood up, suddenly furious. Gah! She went from 0-to-angry in 1.3 seconds. Yikes! Not here, Bella… save it for home! I stayed motionless.

"Okay, that's it. Jake, can I speak to you outside? Edward, please excuse us."

Jacob was confused for a moment but followed Bella as she stormed out of the restaurant and waited for him on the sidewalk. I, of course, could hear it all. I called for the check.

"Jake, I'm done with your games. No more."

"What games? Bella, I'm serious. I want to be where you are…"

She spun around and faced him. "Jacob Black, after all these years don't you dare try to reveal any unspoken feelings for me now. Keep it to yourself because it doesn't matter.

Jacob was shocked. "How I feel about you doesn't matter?"

"Don't try to make me feel guilty. You know that you were the most important thing to me for three years, and you never wanted anything beyond what we have right now."

"That's not true. I just wasn't ready then."

"What and you're ready now? What was the trigger, huh? What made you decide that over the past six weeks? Hmm, could it be him?" she said, pointing in the restaurant. Jacob looked in my direction, clearly sending daggers my way.

"I don't want to hurt you Jake. Unlike you, I actually care about sparing your feelings. But now, if it comes down to a choice between your feelings or mine, I'm choosing mine for once. And I'm choosing him!"

At this point, having paid the tab, I stepped out of the restaurant, holding her briefcase and jacket. She looked up at me with furious eyes that softened when they met mine. She swallowed and gestured for me to wait for her a little farther away.

Bella stepped in closer to Jacob and spoke in a softer, lower voice. "Don't take the project in Chicago. There is no point. The train has left the station. You missed it."

She started to turn to walk toward me and Jacob grabbed her arm, "I..."

"No. You missed it." She walked to my side and softly took my hand as I led her away.

~#~

It was silent as we drove home. Bella was lost in thought and I let her stay there, holding her hand. I knew she'd talk when or if she was ready. When we got to her apartment, I brought her upstairs so that she could wind down for the evening. I held her in my arms until her body relaxed and she started to breathe normally. Kissing her softly, I told her that I needed to run to the lab for an hour or so but would return later.

And, as you've probably guessed, I went back to Jacob's hotel; I knew how to find him from the information he had provided to her when he was planning the visit. I knocked on his door softly.

Jacob answered, clearly surprised to see me. "What do you want, Edward?" he asked harshly.

"I was hoping to talk to you briefly, if you wouldn't mind," I said quietly.

He thought about it for a moment and then gestured me in. There was a part of me that was pleased for the invitation… not that I wanted to harm him, but the invitation would block me just in case he got on my nerves.

Jacob sat down on the sofa where he had clearly been sitting before I arrived. There was a half-finished beer on the coffee table. He picked it up and took another swig.

"So? Again, what do you want?"

I looked out the window at the Chicago skyline. "You're hurting her, you know."

"I think I know her better, Edward."

"No, I'd say that you've known her longer, but not better. Not anymore."

I turned back to him. "She says that you've been a good friend. A good friend wouldn't tear her up like this."

He looked up at me, angrily. "Well if she's torn, it means she has feelings for both of us. Why shouldn't I fight for her?"

"She's not torn between you and me. She's torn between wanting to maintain the friendship she values so much with you and having to end it. You're leaving her with no choice. She wants to be with me… and your throwing your hat into the ring is forcing her to choose the latter because she doesn't want to lead you on." The way you led her on.

"She's been with you for what, five months? I've known her for three years!" he yelled.

"Yes, you have known her for a long time, Jacob," I said. "You can't tell me that you were oblivious to her feelings all of those years." He was silent, trying to stare me down. "You just chose to ignore them and hoped that they'd be there for you years later when you were ready to accept them."

Jacob stood and stepped up to face me about a foot away. "I think that you want me to back down because you're afraid that if we gave her the choice, she'd choose me." As always.

"No," I said quietly, looking at him steadily. "I know that she won't. So do you. You must see it on her face this time."

Jacob's angry mask suddenly crumbled. He sat down on the sofa again and put his head in his hands. His body was shaking slightly. "I really have lost her this time, haven't I?" he whispered. "I was so stupid. I just let her go."

I turned to look out the window again and said nothing for a minute. Then I slowly made my way to the door, opening it to leave. "Yes, and for that I'm grateful," I said softly, as I stepped out.

~#~

As I drove home, I couldn't get Jacob out of my head. I had listened to his thoughts throughout the evening at the restaurant. He really cared for her. She was his best friend, his only confidante. He admired her and thought she was beautiful. He was finally realizing that he had been in love with her all that time… and he was afraid.

I thought of his tormented look and the pain he was starting to feel as he realized his loss. For once I was happy to have my gift and not Jasper's; I wouldn't have been able to cope with such devastation.

Bella was asleep when I arrived back at her apartment. At first, I could do nothing but look at my angel sleeping in her bed, her wet hair fanned across the pillow. Her beauty pierced me. I climbed in the bed to hold her.

I let her thoughts remain in her head that night, doing no probing. Be at peace, my Bella.

"I love you, Edward," she sighed, in her dream state. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

For the first time since before I was a vampire, I dared to utter a small prayer:

Dear God, if you do exist, thank you for her.


A/N: Thanks for reading so far. Feedback is appreciated.