Title: This is You and Me

Artwork: Done Forby by myprettycabinet

Warnings: Muggle AU


Part 2: How We Unravelled

2.11: Faith in the Absent

When the doorbell rang for a second time, Remus lost hope of it being Sirius. He felt Padfoot shuffle restlessly in the circle of his arms and despite the pain in his muscles, he released his hold to allow the pup to go and answer the door. To lend to his agony, his head throbbed insistently and his skin burned with fever. Padfoot's presence was only just keeping him sane and Remus was eternally grateful for the endless patience his normally fidgety dog showed with him. His relief, however, came moments later when a blissfully cool hand rested against his fevered forehead and brushed his hair out of his face.

'Christ, you must have had a bad one this time.'

Remus's eyes shot open to meet the concerned gaze of his neighbour, Fabian Prewett. His face automatically set into a scowl.

'You don't have to look at me like that,' Fabian said, clearly hurt. 'I came to apologise for my behaviour the day before.' He held up a bouquet of flowers and a box of Remus's favourite chocolates. 'They're not expensive but they're heartfelt.' He set them on the bedside table and then poured a glass of water, touching it to Remus's lips after helping him sit up. Remus wondered how Fabian knew he'd been thirsty. 'I'm sorry for what I said. I was out of line and it wasn't really my place to make assumptions about your life.'

'It really wasn't,' Remus replied in a hard tone, then sighed unable to maintain his anger any longer as Fabian looked at him with eyes full of guilt. It didn't help that those eyes were rimmed with bruises that Remus's generous fist had given him. Remus swallowed the water too quickly, his throat convulsing painfully and was thankful when Fabian rubbed his back in slow circles. 'Fabian, you're a good lad and a good mate, but you need to learn when to mind your own business.'

Despite Remus's anger, he honestly thought Fabian was a decent person. He was brilliant with Padfoot and always offered to accompany Remus on walks. He sometimes offered to help Remus with his groceries and garbage, and even occasionally helped drag a very reluctant Padfoot to the groomers. He was also good company, since they seemed to share the same taste in movies, music and food; this was important now more than ever as Sirius's schedules got tighter and his visits less frequent.

Remus looked towards the telephone, wondering if Sirius would at least give him a call. Sirius's number was automatically set to redial and Padfoot was trained to call him whenever Remus had very serious seizures. Initially, Padfoot used to call the Potter residence, since Mrs. Potter had assigned herself Remus's primary caretaker after his debacle with Sirius's mother at a party. But Sirius had insisted he take over the position shortly after, promising Mrs. Potter to always take care of Remus no matter what. In the past two years, Sirius had always kept his promise, so Remus was unwilling to believe that he would break it this time. There were many plausible excuses, Remus knew, but they were wearing thin in his mind as more time passed and his agony grew.

'Have you had anything to eat?'

Remus shook his head. Sirius usually cooked something for him; and while Padfoot was trained to go and fetch food from the local diner (who was familiar with Remus's condition), he was loathed to part with him. After seizures, Remus often needed comfort more than food; he spent most of the time sleeping the exhaustion and pain in his muscles off. In fact, the only reason he was awake at this very moment despite his fatigue was Sirius; because Remus believed with utter conviction that Sirius would come. Sirius always came. Almost as if sensing his distress, Padfoot, who had been circling Fabian's legs, joined Remus on the bed and snuggled close.

Fabian hummed as he brought his face close to Remus's and tilted his head side to side in inspection. He pulled Remus's eyelids back, checked inside his mouth, his ears, and even his bare arms and neck. 'Perhaps you would be better off not eating. You threw up this time, didn't you?' Remus wondered if it was his breath that gave him away. 'I'll drop by later with some food and a little more medication. Till then, you can work off of what you have.'

Saying so, he pulled open the third drawer of the bedside cabinet, fishing out two tablet strips and a bottle that Remus couldn't quite name. A lot of the medication in his drawer had been bought for him by Sirius or the Potters and were only used when Remus was in their care. Remus himself didn't know what many of them did. He watched as Fabian walked to the bathroom and then came back with a couple more prescription bottles. Remus could not help but wonder with a frown, when Fabian had acquainted himself to his flat well enough to know where things were kept. It had certainly not come up in conversation and Remus didn't exactly make it a habit of showing his prescriptions to his neighbours.

'I just didn't want to see you getting hurt,' Fabian said after a while as he sorted through the medicine. The sudden change of topic caught Remus off guard and he blinked a little in confusion at first. 'I guess I was projecting some of my bad memories onto you, without considering that your situation may be different.' He lined up all the tablets, then poured Remus another glass of water. Remus dutifully took them, swallowing each pill with a grimace. 'I'm tired of people thinking that we have no feelings or that we're incapable of monogamy. There's this misconception that the reason we're gay is because we want to sleep around and because of that, we get taken advantage of.' Fabian sighed, his eyes sad. 'These misconceptions are used as an excuse for cruelty and I just wanted to protect you from that.'

Remus felt he had very little to say in response without sounding flakey or pitying; neither of which seemed like a good option. So he kept quiet, allowing Fabian to tuck both him and Padfoot in tightly. Whatever Fabian had given him had relaxed his muscles considerably and they no longer felt like acid over his creaky bones. 'I'm sorry,' he murmured under his breath, looking at the telephone one last time before letting his heavy eyelids fall shut. He smiled when Padfoot licked his face affectionately and put a heavy paw over his torso in a hug. 'I'm sorry,' he mumbled again, because that definitely felt the right thing to say. 'But Sirius would never do that to me.'

And Remus believed it, because much, much later, he felt thin fingers stroking his hair even after he fell asleep.

It had to be Sirius.

Who else would kiss him so tenderly on the lips and make breathy promises to always be there for him.

It had to be Sirius.


2.12: Wedding Bells

'Ladies and Gentlemen today has been an amazing occasion and it is with a mixture of joy and relief that my speech draws to a close, joy for you and relief for me.' The crowd laughed. 'Before we raise a toast to the happy couple I would like to finish my Best Man speech by thanking you all for your ears and sense of humour, God knows at times during my speech you needed it. To the Wedding Party I would like to finish by saying the pleasure has been all mine.' Sirius raised his glass as he looked at James and Lily with unbridled affection. 'To James and Lily!' The whole hall chorused after Sirius, raising their champagne glasses and clinking them together. Remus took an obligatory sip out of his and then slid it away. He had a feeling he would be driving Sirius home tonight; and if Remus were lucky, he would be able to stay over at Sirius's for the night as well.

He looked at James and Lily across the table and felt his lips pull into a smile. They really did look good together. Lily had worn an embroidered flowy white wedding dress that fell over her six month old bump and stopped at her knees. Her red hair had been left open to fall mid back, exactly how James liked it, with a gold flower crown atop her head. Her make up too had been kept minimal, letting her emerald green eyes and radiant smile shine through. James, like the little lord he was, had decided to wear extravagance to his wedding; from his expensive custom tailored suit, down to his pure leather shoes. His excitement over getting married to the love of his life was clearly contagious, as he danced and sang and kissed strange old ladies (presumably relatives). Remus found himself getting up with a laugh, when James had pulled him out of his seat onto the dance floor.

'I've said it before, but damn, Lupin, you clean up well.'

'Frank!' Remus exclaimed in surprise, pulling the man who had been standing behind him into a tight embrace. 'I'm so glad you could make it! It's been ages since I've seen you. You sneaky bugger, you said you would be in touch and then barely even called.'

Frank laughed and hugged Remus back, resting his chin on Remus's shoulder. 'I'm sorry; I've been a bit busy these past few months. What with the permanent move to Cardiff and then Alice getting pregnant.' He lingered a little before pulling away. 'What a coincidence, eh? Lily and Alice's due dates are the same; who would have thought!' He accepted a drink offered by one of the waiters. 'So what about you? How are things at your end?'

For just a second, Remus considered telling Frank everything like he used to when they were younger. Telling Frank that while he could not be happier with Sirius in his life, there were also moments of un-fulfillment. 'Brilliant,' he lied, looking away and taking a sip out of his own glass of orange juice. 'We just signed a deal with the Japanese, and Mr. Potter is thinking of having me train under them. There have been a lot of people approaching us as well, so we're struggling to employ and train as many as we can. Mr. Potter is also thinking of expanding the range to utility motorbikes; to gear for the home market.'

The pride in Frank's eyes was clear as he listened raptly to Remus talk about his work. 'You're doing well for yourself then.' He laid a hand on Remus's shoulder, thumb rubbing circles into the fabric of his suit. 'It feels surreal thinking about where you started, but in a good way. I'm really happy for you.' He leaned in closer so that only the two of them could heard what he was about to say next. 'Listen, about that favour you asked of me…I'm still collecting what I can, but I can promise you an envelope by next month.' Remus's eyes widened. 'There's a surprising amount of data available, but not to public. So I'm pulling strings and trying to find out as much as I can. Remus, I'm going to ask you again: are you sure you want this? Digging up the past never does anyone any good.'

Remus nodded, his face somber. 'I want to know, Frank. I need some kind of closure about my parents. Mr. Potter has told me all he can, but there are gaps I need to fill. I-' He stopped talking and straightened up when he saw Sirius walking towards them.

'Frank, Alice is looking for you,' Sirius informed, directing a cool gaze towards Frank. The air between the two men crackled as they stared each other down. It was as if they were challenging each other and just when Remus was about to fake a dry cough to break the tension, it broke. 'I'll take you to her,' Sirius offered when Frank nodded.

Remus frowned, eyes following after the two men. He was sure he had seen Alice sitting with Lily at the table, comparing baby bumps. Yet, Frank and Sirius had gone the other way. Wondering if they'd made a mistake, he went after them. He followed them past the throng of guests to the garden outside the hall, where guests had avoided coming because of the summer heat. As Remus slipped past the sliding door, the humid air suffocated his nostrils. He loosened his collar to let some air in, while his eyes searched for Frank and Sirius. He could hear them talking, but could not see them due to the white shade tents that were pitched in multiple rows across the garden. He followed the sound of their voices and was just about to call for Frank, when he heard Sirius's characteristic angry growl.

'Keep your dirty hands off him. You've had your chance and you blew it, so fuck off!'

Sirius had Frank by the lapels of his suit. 'I wasn't doing anything!' Frank snapped back, trying to dislodge Sirius's grip forcefully. 'Get off of me, Black!'

'Oh please,' Sirius spat, pushing his face right up to Frank's so that they were nose to nose. 'I saw the way you were touching him and looking at him. You can fool your wife with those lies, but I know better.' Sirius looked like he had every intention to kill Frank, as a storm raged inside his grey eyes. His shoulders were wound tight and his lips were pulled back in a fearsome snarl. Remus was just going to intervene when Sirius said something to make him stop. 'You regret leaving Remus. The only fucking reason you even came today is because it gave you an excuse to see him.'

Remus felt his breath hitch and he quickly moved to hide behind a panel of the tent's hangings. He shouldn't be listening in, he knew. He knew full well that Sirius's jealousy was unfounded and just foolishness of his part. He also knew that Frank saw him as nothing but a good friend and Remus was thankful for that because it would make their relationship awkward otherwise. But something about the conversation drew him in. Just having his name mentioned between the two men kept him glued to the spot, wanting to hear more but at the same time, wanting to close his ears and hear nothing.

'I regret nothing!' Frank screamed so loudly that it even took Remus by surprise. 'Do you know why, Sirius? Because in the end, I did what I had to.' His voice quietened and he looked up Sirius with eyes full of remorse. 'Yes, I loved him. I still love him, so fucking much that just looking at him is painful.' Remus felt his heart clench. 'But loving him will never amount to anything. Remus cannot give me the happiness of my parents and family; social status; a home; a child.'

Remus could not look at Sirius from fear of what his reaction would be. His greatest fear was that Sirius would finally realise the limitations of being in a relationship with Remus. Just like Frank had. Remus could not look. So he stared at his shoes instead, trying to keep his breaths from becoming too shallow as he waited for Sirius to speak. To tell Frank off about spouting nonsense and defend their relationship together. To tell Frank that love was enough. Sirius did love him, didn't he?

'Oh, don't look so shocked, Sirius. It isn't as if this is news to you.' Frank laughed bitterly. 'We come from the same kind of families and we always do what is expected of us, because we both know what the consequences are if we don't.' The issue of Sirius's disownment hung heavy in the air. 'Even the Potters, who are ridiculously liberal, were wary about Lily, weren't they?' Sirius's silence was enough of an affirmative. Even Remus, who had helped organise the whole wedding had not known this. 'She's middle class, after all, with no discernible family name and mixed roots. All this fuss over a woman just because she's part Scottish. What do you think people are going to say when you walk in with Remus: a poor, discarded, Welsh bloke?'

'Fuck you. Remus isn't…'

Remus turned away, unwilling to hear any more. It didn't matter that Sirius might be defending him against Frank. It didn't matter because what Frank had said had been completely true. Remus could already see Sirius struggling to maintain social norms and expectations. It was only a matter of time before Sirius would realise that he could not keep things up with Remus anymore and leave, just like Frank had. Remus understood it; this need for social acceptance. The importance of having a family, a home, children: a normal life. But that did not mean he could control the burgeoning hatred that rose within his chest. Hatred towards the world for condemning him; hatred toward Sirius for never loving Remus enough; and hatred towards himself for his own faults and limitations.

Unable to bear any more heartache, Remus quickly pushed into the bathroom. 'Stop it, Remus,' he scolded himself harshly as tears pooled in his eyes. He looked up at the mirror and hated what he saw; a pathetic man despairing over nothing. Remus hated crying; he hated the weakness that came with it and the admission of the fact that he was not as strong as he made himself out to be. He wished Padfoot were here, but they had a strict 'no pets policy' in the hall. 'Stop it, damn it!' He banged against the counter top sink angrily.

'Remus?'

Unaware that anyone else had been there, Remus startled and turned around. 'Mrs. Potter!' he exclaimed, quickly wiping away his face and turning away from her before she could see. 'What are you doing here? This is the men's toilet.' He turned on the tap in front of him, so that the running water would mask the tremble in his voice. He pretended to wash his face to mask the tear tracks.

'Remus, this is the women's toilet.'

Only then did the lack of urinals hit him. Remus had been so distressed, he had barely noticed. He felt foolish in so many ways. 'Ah, sorry.' He laughed, running wet hands through his hair. 'I mustn't have read the signs properly. I should-'

Mrs. Potter held him in place with a hand on his forearm. 'Honey, are you all right?'

'Of course, of course,' Remus tried to brush off not entirely unaware of the droplets that fell from his eyes at her question. He hoped she wouldn't notice them. 'Weddings, you know. They always make me tear up a little.'

'Oh, baby, come here,' Dorea wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. She met very little resistance from Remus, who by now, was feeling vulnerable and stupid for reacting the way he was. 'Remus, tell me what's wrong,' she pleaded, stroking his back softly. Remus resisted the urge to break down in front of her and tell her everything. Of all the Potters, Dorea had been most like a family to him. She treated him like a son; fussing over him, trying to feed him as she complained over how thin he was; crying for him when he was ill again from a bad seizure. 'Remus, what is it?' She asked, when he let out a large dry sob. She wiped away his eyes as he shook his head, unable to say anything. 'Shh, it's okay,' Dorea reassured softly, running her fingers through his hair as he laid his head on her shoulder. 'Whatever it is, it will be all right, sweetheart. Shh, don't cry. I'm here. I'm here.'


2.13: By Your Side

Sirius slipped in behind Remus quietly to avoid jostling the other man. Though he knew Remus was far from asleep just by the way he was breathing, Sirius did not want to agitate him any further. 'You left. I was looking for you everywhere,' he whispered quietly, kissing the back of Remus's head as he slipped his arms around him. Padfoot's fur brushed against his fingers and the dog lifted his head far enough to look over Remus's shoulder curiously. When he saw it was just Sirius, he laid his head back down again sleepily.

'I'm sorry,' Remus murmured. He did not push back against Sirius to create a tight spoon like he usually did. 'I know you needed someone to drive you.'

'I wasn't planning on getting drunk.' Sirius's fingers slipped underneath Remus's shirt, rubbing soothing circles into the pale skin underneath. 'Dorea told me you left the hall very upset.' Wording it like that was an understatement. Dorea had told Sirius that Remus had been sobbing without a word said in between, despite her trying to coax out the issue.

Remus breathed in so sharply, Sirius could feel the man's stomach hollow underneath his hands. 'I was just feeling ill.'

'She told me you were crying.' Remus had been fine when Sirius had last seen him at the reception; his smile had never seemed brighter and he had even been dancing. But then Frank had come along and whispered something in Remus's ears, and while Sirius had dragged the bastard away, he still came back to a concerned Dorea and an absent Remus. He could only assume that whatever Frank had said to Remus caused this. He felt a surge of anger towards Frank and he regretted not having hit the man when he had had the chance to. A niggling part of his brain supplied that Remus might still have feelings for Frank, but Sirius tried not to dwell on it like he always did. Remus loved Sirius. No one else. Just Sirius.

'She told you wrong,' Remus replied stubbornly.

'Remus.' Sirius's tone was low in warning.

'You should go now Sirius.' Remus moved away from Sirius's embrace as far as he could with Padfoot occupying the other side. It was far enough for Sirius's hands to slip from Remus's stomach to his sides instead. 'It's already eleven.'

'I'm staying tonight,' Sirius said without thinking, surprising even himself. He had never stayed over at Remus's house nor had he ever allowed Remus to stay over at his. Not since he'd moved out of the Potter's home and lost excuses of bunking with friends because there was no room. But then, Sirius had also never seen Remus so upset since Mr. Potter had told the boy the truth about his parents. Even then, Remus had only just barely cried.

The admission took Remus, too, by shock, and he turned in Sirius's arms to look up at him. 'What about-?'

'I'm staying,' Sirius replied firmly. It was the least he could do after not having showed up for Remus's last seizure, because he had been in practices during that time. Though Remus himself didn't seem bothered by it and certainly didn't raise the issue, Sirius felt that he had somehow failed him as a lover. 'I'm staying,' he repeated in hopes that it would wipe away that look of helplessness on Remus's face. He cupped both of Remus's cheeks and kissed him gently. 'I'm here for as long as you need me.' Sirius kissed him again. And again. And again. Until Remus was kissing him back with passion and clinging on to Sirius so desperately that not an iota of space remained between them. 'What is it?' he asked, looking into Remus's eyes searchingly. 'Remus, tell me.'

Remus shook his head and buried his face into the crook of Sirius's neck. 'Touch me,' he requested softly, kissing Sirius's collarbone and making his way upwards. 'Please.' He took Sirius's right hand in his own and gently pushed it to the front of his trousers. 'Touch me so that I know this is real. That you're here.'

Sirius felt his breath hitch as Remus's hands slipped into his shirt and touched one of his nipples. 'Why would you say that?' Sirius asked, gasping when sharp teeth nipped at his neck, just behind his earlobe. 'Remus, wait. Ah!' He stilled Remus's hands by the wrist, forcing the other man to look up at him. Slowly, he pulled Remus's right hand and placed it in the left side of his chest, where his heart had begun to beat at a frantic pace. 'This is real.' He placed one of his own hands on Remus's chest, finding a matching rhythm. 'I will always be here for you,' he promised, closing his fingers around the ring hung around Remus's neck. 'Forever.'

Remus eyes glowed momentarily. 'Then prove it.'

Sirius pulled Remus in for a deep kiss, tangling their tongues together in a slow dance that was familiar only to them. This time, Sirius took it slow, pushing his hand past the waistband of Remus's boxers while the other twisted in Remus's hair to keep him pulling away. Sirius's strokes on Remus's cock were slow, drawing out and earning each moan that slipped out of the other man's lips. Keeping up the pace, he pulled out his own erection, taking both into his hands and creating a delicious friction between both their cocks. Every time they thrust into each other, their bellies collided, sticky from pre-come. Sirius's other hand rested on Remus's arse, feeling the clench and release of the muscle as they sped up when their orgasms drew near. With a muffled cry, Remus buried his face into Sirius's shoulder as he came; his body shaking from the force of his orgasm. Shortly after, Sirius's vision went white.

'Don't leave me,' Sirius heard Remus say once he'd come down from his high. 'Don't leave me.'

Sirius sighed and stroked Remus's hair gently. 'I'm here,' he said again, frustrated at Remus's silence and his own helplessness over the situation. Remus had him in a death grip, holding him by the waist so tightly that Sirius could not even move if he wanted to. 'I'm here.' He kissed Remus's temple, vowing to himself that the next time he saw Frank, he would not spare his fist. 'I'm here. Go to sleep.'

'I love you.'

Sirius felt a smile tug the corner of his lips and he kissed Remus's hair again. 'Go to sleep.'


2.14: The Other Window

Remus was looking out the balcony again. Unlike all the other tenants enjoying the autumn breeze, Remus was neither looking at the cars passing by nor the children playing in park. He was waiting. Over the past few weeks, Fabian had noticed a new pattern. On the days he saw Remus on his balcony, smoking, he heard the tell-tale moans of two people having sex through the walls at night. It was always the same routine. It would start with a phone call after which Remus would move to the balcony, smoking and waiting, sometimes for hours. His lover, who Fabian discovered had a name now- Sirius, would come in by motorbike.

The bike was very different from Remus's in that it was a rich black colour, polished to a high shine. It also made significantly more noise than Remus's, which was a good thing because it signalled exactly when he was coming in. Not that it helped; Fabian had tried to intercept Sirius multiple times in the stairway but the man always wore a biker's helmet. He had even tried to knock the damn thing over by pretending to have stumbled into the man, but Sirius had a much more solid build than Fabian and all his stumbling achieved was a gruff, 'watch it!'. So far, all Fabian knew about Sirius was that he had black hair, long enough to poke out from underneath a helmet.

On days that were particularly lucky for Fabian, Sirius and Remus fought. Though Fabian could never clearly make out the words, the raised voices came through his bedroom wall. Unfortunately, such days were rare and were only getting rarer. Fabian had an inkling that Remus was starting to protest less over the man's absences because he had either given up or was desperately trying to hold on to what he had. Either way, it would end in a win-win situation for Fabian, so it was really a matter of waiting it out now.

Fabian looked up and waved. He smiled, when Remus waved back hesitantly. The other man's lips were tinged slightly blue from standing out in the chill and Fabian itched to run up the stairs and kiss them till they were bruised red. He had only been able to savour the taste of Remus's lips once, that day when he had been taking care of the him after a seizure, and it had been everything he had ever dreamed off. Remus's lips had been warm and chapped, and had fit so perfectly within Fabian's. And though it had been just a chaste brush of lips on Fabian's part, it had sent jolts of electricity running through him nonetheless.

'Fay, I need you to stop this,' Gideon, his older brother by two years stated the minute he walked in through the front door of their flat. He was standing with Fabian's book bag in one hand and a handful of photographs of Remus in the other. They were photographs Fabian had meant to put up on his wall later, but had delayed it because he sometimes fancied looking at them in between classes.

Consciously, he looked towards his bedroom door before remembering that he had locked it before leaving and there was no way Gideon could have gotten in. In retrospect, Gideon would also not have looked this calm if he had gone into Fabian's room and found an entire wall covered with photographs and sketches of Remus, along with small notes made in Remus's handwriting – anything from a shopping list to a casual doodle.

'Haven't you learned your lesson after that punch in the face?' Gideon continued, practically flinging the photographs and Fabian's book bag on the coffee table. Fabian only just resisted the urge to protect his pictures, though he could not keep his eye from twitching when one of them folded slightly in the corner. 'Fabian, do not interfere in other people's business, especially not Remus Lupin. You were lucky the bloke didn't knock you out.'

Fabian dug his fingernails into his palms to keep himself from reaching out for his things. 'No harm done. You were there to save me, weren't you?'

Gideon shot his brother an incredulous look. 'Fay, I didn't do a single thing. He bloody apologised and even brought a bag of ice from the fridge. He even checked up on you the next day to make sure you were okay. You were lucky he's so mild mannered because he's strong as a fucking ox. There is no way I could have taken him.' He sighed and flopped down on the sofa, patting the seat beside him as an invitation for Fabian to join. 'Fay, ever since I was little, I've looked out for you. I've fought your bullies for you; I talked to mum and dad for you when you came out; I even bloody punched your old boyfriends for you. But this time, you're really out of your depth here. You told me this bloke already has a boyfriend.'

'He does,' Fabian confirmed, sitting down beside his brother and toeing off his shoes.

'Then why the hell are you chasing after him?'

'Because I want him!' Fabian knew how childish he sounded. It was further confirmed by Gideon's eye roll and exasperated sigh. 'You don't understand, Gid, this bloke of his doesn't deserve him!'

'And I assume you do?' Gideon asked, eyebrow raised.

'Yes!' Fabian exclaimed, throwing his hands up and flopping backwards into the couch. 'Gid, Remus deserves someone who won't keep shoving him further and further in the closet and taking him out like a forgotten toy only when he feels the need to play with him. He deserves someone who will take care of him; go out with him; make him smile and laugh. Someone who will love him.' He leaned his head back, looking at his brother upside down. 'And I love him.'

'No,' Gideon replied harshly, though the bite from his words were taken out when he wound a protective arm around Fabian's shoulders. 'Fay, you're drawn to him because in your eyes, he's fragile, and you feel the need to protect him.' His voice was kind and understanding, but like always, it was clear that Gideon's renowned infinite patience was wearing thin with his brother. 'I have said this before, do not seek out trouble for yourself. Leave this Remus bloke alone. His problems are his to deal with; I don't want you trying to play hero and ending up as the martyr instead.' Fabian was clearly unwilling to listen and this only made Gideon grit his teeth in anger. 'Fay, if you decide to try and continue with this game of yours, I'm not going to have any part in this. You are going to get hurt and you are going to hurt others. So stop now while you can. Just…' He threw his hands up, 'Why can't you try and date someone single; like one of the Weasleys! Molly told me Sean is gay.'

Fabian face crinkled with disgust. 'Aren't the Weasleys our second cousins?'

'Oh, so you have no problems trying to break up someone else's relationship, but suddenly you've decided to take the moral high ground about dating second cousins?' Gideon shot back. 'Fay, please. Just listen to me for once in your life and leave Lupin alone!'

Fabian tuned his brother out. It didn't matter what Gideon said. He wanted Remus Lupin. He wanted Remus Lupin so fucking badly, it hurt. Remus was all he could think about every second of ever day; in class, whilst driving, whilst talking to his friends, even at night when his hands would slip under the waistband of his pants and he would stare at the pictures lining his wall till be came with a soft cry. Fabian needed Remus Lupin.

And Fabian would have him at all cost.


2.15: Giving Life

'OH MY GOD!' Lily's scream echoed through the maternity halls, startling both Remus and Sirius in their chairs. 'JAMES POTTER, YOU BASTARD, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! DON'T ASK ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN I'M PUSHING A HUMAN BEING THE SIZE OF YOUR FUCKING EGO FROM INSIDE OF ME! AAAHH!'

Remus looked down to see Sirius's hand clutching his tightly, fingers flexing with nervous energy. He squeezed back slowly, hoping Sirius would not get conscious of the people around them and let go. Remus could not remember the last time Sirius held his hand like this. 'What do you think it's going to be?' Remus asked randomly in an effort to distract the both of them from the screams of pure agony that filled their ears. 'A boy or a girl?'

'Sounds like she's giving birth to the devil to me.' Sirius bit his lip and looked up at Remus anxiously. 'She's going to be okay, right? Why is she screaming so much? Is that normal?'

'JAMES POTTER, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU!'

'I don't know,' Remus answered truthfully, fear settling in the pit of his stomach. She did sound like she was in a lot of pain and James's voice was lower, but equally frantic. 'I've never really seen a woman give birth before,' he admitted. 'The closest I've ever come to even seeing a vagina was when Mr. Potter sat us down for that talk about the birds and the bees with descriptive models.'

'Don't remind me,' Sirius groaned. 'It brings back the trauma.'

Another pained wail ripped the air and Sirius buried his face into Remus's shoulder in distress. Remus swallowed heavily, clenching his fists on his lap to keep himself from stroking Sirius's hair. While many of the fathers and relatives in the waiting area seemed in a similar state of distress and paid them little mind, Remus did not want to scare Sirius off. Especially not when Sirius was seeking comfort in him so willingly. 'I wish the Potters would come soon. Dorea would be of more help than us.'

Suddenly, the screaming stopped and both Remus and Sirius looked at each other with held breaths. When the first cry filled the air, they felt their faces split into wide grins. Both men scrabbled off their chairs and into the hospital room, too ecstatic to care about the instructions they'd been given earlier about staying out. They nearly tripped over each other in excitement, as they got their very first look at James Potter's first born. A boy, Remus realised, as the doctors took the baby to the side to clean him up. James Potter, the boy who only a few years ago had been playing pranks with them, now had a son of his own.

'We did it! Little Harry is born!' James exclaimed as they hugged him and Lily in turn. There were tears running down James's face, whether from happiness or the stress of having constant verbal abuse thrown at him, Remus did not know. The man couldn't stop smiling, as the nurses handed Harry back to Lily, who nestled him close to her chest. Remus had never seen her look more beautiful as she did now; tired and sweaty from effort, yet radiant with happiness.

'He so small,' Sirius said, his voice full of awe. He gently caressed the top of Harry's head with his index, delighted when the baby wiggled in response. 'Is he meant to be so small?' He asked worriedly and received laughter from Lily in response.

'Yes, Sirius, he is.' She kissed the top of Harry's head lovingly. 'Remus, would you like to hold him? You've been staring at him for a long time.'

Remus blushed. He hadn't meant to stare but he had honestly never seen a person so small before, least of all one so pink and fragile. 'I don't know how,' he admitted, though wanting in his heart to hold the little bundle of blankets nonetheless. As if reading his mind, James asked him to watch as he scooped up his son in his arms, supporting the delicate neck with the crook of his elbow. 'Like this?' Remus asked tentatively, when James had gently placed Harry into the little triangle of Remus's folded arms. When he got the affirmative from both James and Lily, he looked back at the baby now dozing peacefully in his arms. Slowly, with his left hand, he traced the small yet familiar features: tufts of messy black hair, a button nose, dimpled chin – just like his father. Remus let out a surprised laugh when Harry's little fingers gripped Remus's index tightly.

'Stop hogging him.' Unable to control his intrigue anymore, Sirius reached his arms out impatiently.

'Don't jostle him too much,' Lily warned as Sirius rocked the baby against his chest excitedly.

'What do you think, lads?' James asked clapping both Remus and Sirius on the back, pride beaming in his face. 'Ready to settle down and have one of your own?'

Sirius laughed, looking down at Harry with so much adoration that Remus felt his breath catch. 'Certainly wouldn't mind one.'

James mock gasped, a hand on his heart. 'Do my ears deceive me? Did the great Sirius Black just say…?'

Remus tuned out the rest of James's speech, his blood pounding in his ears. He looked down at his shoes, horrified, as his mind processed exactly what Sirius's words meant. He could physically feel the ever growing divide between them widen against his will. A feeling of helplessness tore within him as he watched Sirius sway with the baby in his arms. Sirius would make a good father, Remus realised. He had a lot of love to give and he would give it magnanimously. He would be the kind of father that children were always proud to have; handsome, charming, and ridiculously cool. He would teach his child to play pranks and accompany them in mischief. Sirius's wife would probably find his fathering ways childish and impossible. Sirius's wife. Because children did not come without a woman. And when Sirius finally realised that, he would no longer have any place for Remus in his life.

'Remus, are you all right?'

Remus broke out of his stupor to find Lily looking up at him in concern. 'Ah, sorry, drifted off there.'

She did not look convinced despite his smile. Her bright emerald eyes searched him, only veering momentarily to shoot a glance at Sirius. 'Remus, if you wanted to talk about something…anything, I want you know I'm always here.'

Remus wished he could tell her.

As he gazed back at Sirius who was now unwilling to give up little Harry to his father, Remus wished he could tell Lily everything just to be rid of the heavy weight in his chest. He did not want to feel like this anymore. He no longer wanted to live buried in secrets and lies, hatred for himself swelling in the very pit of his stomach. He could not bear to live with the uncertainty of losing Sirius; the first person he had ever loved. Remus wondered when Sirius became a need for him; like oxygen to his system or perhaps a drug that he just could not quit.

Just a little longer, he prayed fervently. Let me have him for just a little longer.


A/N: So I just want to mention here that when Fabian kisses Remus without his knowledge, it is considered as non-consensual and is totally not okay. While consent is usually associated with actions of a more sexual nature, even something as small as a kiss should never be taken without permission. It's been written into Fabian character here because he is at that point of extreme.

On a lighter note, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and do drop in a review as it makes me feel loved!